


Up With the Birds

by baeconandeggs, coldplay



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Brief mention of best friend to lovers AU, Chanyeol and Baekhyun have wrist tattoos, Drama, Experiences of mountain hiking, Fantasy, Fluff, Heart-to-Heart Talks, Humor, Lots of cheesy but fluffy jokes and one-liners, M/M, Mentions of 18th-19th centuries books and poems, Mentions of 40s-90s songs, Mentions of classical compositions, Romance, Slice of Life, Smut, Ten years of established relationship, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 16:18:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 316,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14980892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldplay/pseuds/coldplay
Summary: it’s a year in the lives of Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol, where they hear their laughter, taste their tears, and learn about loved ones and leaving.





	1. track #12: a hopeful transmission

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** #197  
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities’ names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
>  **Author’s Note:**  
>  **for A, F and O,** who extended their hands and thoughts for me, and are my trampolines, whom without this story won’t be here, finished.  
>  **for C,** who gave me advices and accompanied me until the last dot of this story.  
>  **for R,** who asked me to put her initial here. (just kidding, hello kak!)  
>  **especially for J,** if you see this from up there, this one’s for you – thank you so much for everything.  
>  all the humble apologies in advance for any errors and many thank-yous **for everyone** reading this, whom i wrote for and wish to enjoy.
> 
> title taken from Coldplay’s song [_Up With the Birds_](https://open.spotify.com/track/5lIFsEWj9IjNEALbHnPosE) and storyline very very very roughly adapted from the song sequence in Coldplay’s [_Mylo Xyloto_](https://open.spotify.com/album/2R7iJz5uaHjLEVnMkloO18) album. 
> 
> for my dear prompter, this is my 2nd fic ever for my 2nd fest ever in 20 years of my life, so… i hope i don’t blow this up with me spewing words _this_ much. i hope you like what i wrote as i alternated between writing this fic and my final oral medicine thesis at such wee hours while having classical music and dead poets whispering things – i only altered just a teensy tiny bit of your prompt!
> 
> here’s a playlist of the songs used and/or mentioned in the fic, and anyone reading this fic can read while listening to it on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/nmx69j4j39ehtqsphxonwmgjx/playlist/5u7TB1VNvXL0z9hGIVfS4L) or [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLNfchne5L6F464TlhMT-wzDLxIrRMW-17)!
> 
> please believe me when i tell you that despite the warning tag, everything will be just fine :-) so see you at the end!

***

** track #12: a hopeful transmission **

_the birds they say, at break of day  
“Start again,” I hear them say  
it’s so hard to just walk away_

_the birds they say, all a choir  
“Start again, a little higher,”  
it’s a spark in a sea of gray_

***

**November 1st, 2016  
Seoul, South Korea  
04.31 PM**

It is a good day.

It’s the _everything is going well and everyone is fairly happy_ kind of good in Baekhyun’s opinion. He’s currently lazily slumped on the cushy black double couch at the corner of the room, with his head comfortably placed on the couch’s arm and his legs stretched straight. And he’s also currently studying the lights.

His eyes are trained upward, looking through the spotless window on the ceiling that opens up to the blue sky in the sunny day, watching the traffic of clouds passing through. Sometimes the flock of white hides the sun that gives him a few minutes of warm shade, before letting the spotlight-like rays shining on his face again. The white walls of the box-like room he’s in seem like curtains of white fabric, enhancing the brightness effect of the sunlight streaming in by bouncing it to every corner of the room.

Just like any other good days, there must be one time when your mind decides to take a time travel, relive both recent and old memories. And it’s no exception to Baekhyun. This time, he feels like reviewing himself. Call it the _curriculum vitae_ that contains twenty nine years of his life, he supposes.

So, Baekhyun starts with his foremost, his family. He considers himself as a family person that loves being holed up at home the most and complacent enough with his loved ones surrounding him. It’s been two years since the day his sister and his parents left Seoul for California. The decision to move was based on two things: just so his father can seize a job opportunity with better and higher position in an international affairs company he worked at and for his sister to be able to pursue her dream to continue her study with full scholarship at the prestigious University of California, Los Angeles.

So is Baekhyun alone at Seoul now? Well, he has two other important parts of his life that accompany him in South Korea’s capital city: his boyfriend, Chanyeol, and his job alongside the friends he has at a decent design company.

Number one, Chanyeol the boyfriend. Baekhyun smiles at the thought. Chanyeol is an amazing—wait, scratch that—Chanyeol is an _absolutely splendid_ boyfriend for him, everyone loves him for his smiles and his kindness; two of his many magnets that seem to make people want to stay and listen to whatever he has to say. And the enchantment works too for him, as Chanyeol has stayed by his side for a decade, and he’s more than willing to spend the rest of his life with Chanyeol.

He has been dating Chanyeol for ten years now, and he’s happy and over-the-moon to be with him. Chanyeol spoils him—not only in terms of money or expensive things, but also more in strength and emotional support. It’s like Chanyeol is the crucial key, the mast in his ship, his anchor and his trustworthy partner in crime. Those are all he ever wanted, a great companion and he’s grateful for him.

Speaking of life companion, it so happens that he lives with Chanyeol in a quite spacious apartment they own. They bought the place together with their well-earned salaries and it’s located at Dongdaemun-gu, near Kyunghee University, which the both of them graduated from. They fell in love with the place the second their eyes laid on it when they helped the landlords—a congenial old couple they knew years since their student days from passing their place for so many times—carry their grocery boxes up to their apartment on a brightly lit night after one of their late walks.

At the shared place they blend together so well and they have their own ‘workstation’ in their apartment; Chanyeol mostly takes charge of the kitchen to do the cooking and Baekhyun takes control of the order of things. They do housekeeping and laundry together, working in balance and in perfect tandem.

With Chanyeol in Baekhyun’s life, the world doesn’t seem as hard as he thought many years before, rather like an art class.

Chanyeol is like a framework—someone he can securely design and build his life and future around permanently.

Chanyeol is like an all-in-one color palette—someone to tint, tinge and transform the times when his days are like blank and bland white wall into lustrous mural of jubilant days, filled with trips in form of a variety of surprise escapades including either shopping sprees or new restaurants hunting, planned last minute by Chanyeol after adeptly sensing the bummer mood he always try to hide after a rough day at work. When his easily worried self gets too serious, Chanyeol is always there with his cheery and relaxed self to casts away the seriousness and replaces it with exhilarating fun consisting of laughter and jokes.

Chanyeol is like art itself—someone who lets Baekhyun to free his imagination, express who he really is and what he really feels.

On this matter, Baekhyun would like to borrow the words of Leo Tolstoy on his book _What is Art?_ published on 1896: Chanyeol evokes in him a lot of intricate but wonderful feelings life offered and its colorful possibilities by means of his joyful laughter, warm smiles, gentle touches, care and attention, so to transmit those feelings that everyone around him—Baekhyun included—may experience the same happy feelings. The chief peculiarity of these feelings is that it makes him become so united to Chanyeol as if they were the same person and Chanyeol is not just a someone else, as if Chanyeol and the things he brings into his life are just what he had long been wishing to be and to have.

Chanyeol, as a real work of art destroys, in Baekhyun’s consciousness, the separation between him and the great clarity and sincerity of happiness in life where he was outcasted alone in his previously dull life. In this freeing of his personality from its separation and isolation, in this uniting his life with Chanyeol’s, lies the chief characteristic and the great attractive force of art—Chanyeol himself.

Number two, his job. The company Baekhyun works at generally handles arts and design in any form—from fine arts of painting, drawing and sculpture to housing and interior design, landscape architecture, textile and clothing, and theater and films—but his Bachelor of Science in Visual Information Design degree specializes him in practical design of fusing art and technology which lands him a part to play as the Head of Visual Design department. He remembers his freshly graduated days when he was looking for a job, which was quite hard to find. But thankfully, Minseok, his senior and long time best friend since university, offered him a job at a reputable company his friend Junmyeon owns that doesn’t require much hassle and pays him enough for a living.

A few days into the job, the ever-cheery boss, Junmyeon, took a liking on him, attracted by his genius mind and efficient work ethic. Slowly but sure with all those three factors he racked himself up to the top of the company chain. The boss is also a Kyunghee graduate that majored in Managements, only two years his and Chanyeol’s senior just like Minseok. So not long after, the boss became his best friend, creating a quartet of Junmyeon, Chanyeol, Minseok and him.

Truthfully, Baekhyun loves music—singing, to be exact. That has been and always will be his passion that he doesn’t really let the public knows. So that’s why he envies Chanyeol. The boyfriend is currently in his last year of getting his masters at audio engineering—especially in recording, mixing, and mastering for music production—and he works at a laid-back studio recording company he owns himself.

Baekhyun just wishes he could do what he admires just like Chanyeol, but he didn’t feel too much confident—he’s a very shy and closed person—to take Vocal Music major when he started university, so he chose his second passion, which is drawing. He loves to draw, or in his own favorite ways, to doodle everything he sees, sketch strangers’ faces while he’s out people-watching, scrawl anything in his mind on any media he can draw on, slash paint randomly over canvases, and spend hours to trace lots of caricatures with great details during the time people usually use to socialize. So that’s what he chose for a career and he’s glad his family supports him for whatever he does.

Anyways, back to the moment.

It is a good day because his work is done earlier than usual and Junmyeon let him out also earlier than usual. He thinks the reason Junmyeon did that is because he told him Chanyeol is the one picking him up. Ever since he introduced his boyfriend to Junmyeon, even at the first second the boss was already so smitten at Chanyeol’s easy-going charms, and that matched with Junmyeon’s good-natured self, which instantly created another good friends line.

And he didn’t lie to Junmyeon. Chanyeol did ask this morning for his help—or to play, more like—at his studio today before going home. It’s their usual schedule for him to visit Chanyeol’s studio after work before they go home together, and it’s always fun to see his tall boyfriend doing things he does best.

So, after a drive on Chanyeol’s truck from his office to the studio that was filled with them doing impromptu karaoke—Chanyeol with his deep, raspy voice and him with his stable high notes—they arrived at their destination. It’s also where Baekhyun is right now.

In Chanyeol’s studio, mostly they will fall into place: Baekhyun slouching everywhere near Chanyeol while the latter will continue tweaking the tunes for his projects, once in a while asking the former for opinions or ideas. It usually always end up in either bickering while chasing each other across the studio halls or laughing in chorus, splayed on the floor, from a not-so-funny joke from Baekhyun that somehow Chanyeol found as the most hilarious thing in the world.

A few minutes ago, Baekhyun asked Chanyeol to buy him some food to nimble on, since the fridge and the cupboards are almost empty. Of course being a good boyfriend that he is, Chanyeol excused himself for ten minutes, without forgetting to make him promise to not touch the ‘Special Project’ folder in his computer that’s connected to the studio’s control panels. He himself isn’t a rule-breaker type of person, he’s not that curious into people’s stuff, and he hates people who snuck their noses in his business too, anyway.

And Chanyeol said for about ten minutes he’ll be gone for a bathroom break from their endless playful interactions with the instruments in the studio, and he’ll buy them some snacks plus soft drinks—Baekhyun’s favorites. So now, just like he mentioned earlier, he’s alone, lying snugly with knitted wool blanket halfway covering his legs in his usual couch at the corner of Chanyeol’s studio control room, watching the parade of the clouds again.

Suddenly Baekhyun’s phone rings. At first he’s too lazy to pick it up from the table, but upon seeing his sister’s caller ID on his phone screen, his heart leaps and he jumps from the couch—while stumbling in the process—to receive the call.

“ _Hey Baekhyunnie!_ ” his sister chirps as soon as he accepts the call. His sister’s cheery voice is always something that irritates Baekhyun the most before she left with his family for Los Angeles, but now it’s something he craves to hear, something that makes him miss his family.

“Oh hi, Seohyun nuna. Why are you calling—?” Baekhyun starts, straightening himself up to sit on the couch.

“ _Byun Baekhyun did you just scold me for calling my lovely brother—_ ” Seohyun intervenes hotly. Trust Seohyun to cut everything you say before you even bat an eye.

“Nuna please,” Baekhyun deadpans, daring to roll his eyes since she can’t see him. If she sees him, she’ll probably smack his head with a rolled newspaper or something—he chuckles at the thought that he might actually miss her smacks as well. He wonders why her sister suddenly calls him, so naturally he checks the time on his phone screen, calculating the time in Los Angeles, it’s 2.45 AM there… Then with panic evident in his voice, he asks, “I meant it’s practically nearly three in the morning there now—wait. Nuna, what happened? Is everything okay?” 

“ _Aw, our tiny little Baekhyunnie is now a grown up! Trying to take care of everyone now, are you?_ ” Seohyun coos, mocking Baekhyun’s habit to overthink everything. She remembers how Baekhyun used to stubbornly follow her wherever she goes just so she could go home safely with him, and she loves him so much for it. But anyway, she decides to tease her brother who she misses so much. “Tiny little Baekhyunnie is worried of his big sister, is he?”

“Nuna, please.” Baekhyun sighs for the second time, at least he knows everything is fine from the way his sister is teasing him right now. He loves his sister, really, but sometimes her chatter can give him headaches.

“ _Okay, okay! I’m going to repeat this mantra to soothe your feelings now, no need to be mad at me okay? I’m fine, mum and dad are fine, and I’m just calling to check on you. We miss you._ ” Seohyun says softly with a sleepy voice.

“I miss you all too. Nuna, please tell mum and dad I really miss them. Please take care and be safe. Okay?” Baekhyun replies, smiling as he pictures his family waving at him before entering the aircraft so many months ago. That last sentence his sister said made his heart melt a little bit. He misses his family too, despite so many Skype video calls are made.

“ _Aw, Baekhyunnie, don’t worry! Your mighty of a nuna is here. Everything will be just fine! And the same thing for you too, okay? Don’t work too hard, eat well, and stay hydrated. Say hi to your tall man Chanyeol for me as well…_ ” Seohyun pauses for a second, yawning. “ _Okay, I have to go now, it’s nearly three in the morning and I have class at seven thirty. Outrageous, I know! Good day for you, Baekhyunnie, love you lots._ ”

Baekhyun chuckles at his sister’s spontaneous rant. “Thank you, nuna, will do. I love you too.” He answers before he hangs up and places his phone back on the table. Then he lies back on the couch, closing his eyes to let the warm hands of the sunshine coming through to touch his face again.

After the call ends, the playlist he has been listening to since he and Chanyeol arrived at the studio seems to fill the air again, as if the volume is turned up again, the sounds growing louder from the studio room’s fine speakers. It’s a Chanyeol thing, for the tall man loves to have just any kind of music playing from the main computer whenever he’s leaving him alone. So now, he has Frédéric Chopin’s _Nocturne in E-flat major_ , Op. 9, No. 2—one of his and Chanyeol’s favorite pieces—accompanying him.

Then, there’s a sound of the front door opening and closing, muted sounds of footsteps thudding through the wood floor and crisp sounds of plastic bags being carried. Chanyeol’s head suddenly pops out from behind the glass door, the one separating the studio control room and the hall leading to the main front door and the other rooms, his eyes looking for Baekhyun.

“I’m back!” Chanyeol calls out from the studio’s main doors, hands full with plastic and paper bags containing his groceries. “Hyunnie? Is there anyone else there? I heard you talking to someone.”

Baekhyun jumps a little bit from his place on the couch, startled by the sudden loud call in Chanyeol’s sonorous voice bouncing on the studio hall’s walls. The tall man and his antics, really.

Chanyeol’s head pops again momentarily. After seeing Baekhyun alone in the control room, lying on the couch, just like how he left him fifteen minutes ago, he proceeds to go to the mini kitchen in the studio to store the new snacks and drinks he just bought.

“Yeol, hi. No, it was just Seohyun nuna calling me.” Baekhyun answers while getting up again, now straightening his posture on the couch, feeling excited by the idea of eating snacks Chanyeol just bought.

“Oh, it’s Seohyun nuna,” Chanyeol says, among the sounds of things being pulled out of plastic bags. He misses Baekhyun’s sister, as she’s one of her trustworthy partner whenever he wants to plan surprises for Baekhyun. “Did you say hi for her from me?”

Baekhyun smiles at this, because Seohyun also said the same thing for Chanyeol, is this what people call emotional connection? Seohyun is so fond of Chanyeol and vice versa right at the moment he introduced them the first time ten years ago when they started being friends.

“Oh, also to your parents!” Chanyeol adds, his voice a bit distant as he’s crouching in front of the refrigerator, putting drinks in. It’s been a while since the last time he spoke to Baekhyun’s parents, he’s close to both—he and Mr. Byun share the same music taste while he and Mrs. Byun love to cook together for their respective partners, for Baekhyun and Mr. Byun.

Baekhyun smiles again, Chanyeol is always so caring and thoughtful towards him and his family. “Well, I hung up already, Yeol. But Seohyun nuna did tell me to say her hi for you.”

There’s a sound of muted _Ow!_ and Baekhyun chuckles. He suspects the tall man hit his head on the freezer door again. Chanyeol always forget to close it, so when he stands up from stocking the lower part of the fridge, he will always get himself hit.

Hoping Baekhyun doesn’t hear his exclamation of pain caused by his bad habit of not checking whether the freezer’s door is closed or not, Chanyeol replies, “Ah that’s too bad, I really want to talk to her. Can we call her again? I kind of miss her nagging, can you believe that?”

“I can’t believe myself either, but me too. And we can’t call her again since it’s three in the morning there and she has class at seven thirty, so I think she’s sleeping right now.” Baekhyun replies, still waiting for Chanyeol to come back and bring his snacks. It’s been four minutes since the studio owner started placing things at the mini kitchen.

“Oh wow. Seven thirty, really?” Chanyeol asks, his voice a little bit covered by the sound of plastic bags he's folding to create those triangle bundles, for safekeeping and recycling purposes. Then he remembers Seohyun screaming happily at his ears after they read the announcement that said she was accepted to fill one out of few coveted slots at the California university two years ago, and how proud he was of it. “That’s tough, but I guess that’s how strict UCLA is. She’s accepted among only other fifteen individuals at oral biology at, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, she was offered full scholarship for a Masters of Science degree at oral biology, she’s cool,” Baekhyun replies, smiling as a sudden rush of proudness for his sister visits his mind for a moment. Then his smile gets wider as he remembers the episodes where he’s almost late to work if it weren’t for Chanyeol helping him by waking him with his morning kisses. “But still, class at seven thirty is too much though, I could never be able to attend a single class if every class starts at that time of the day.”

At that, Chanyeol laughs as he gets himself ready to bring his haul of food for Baekhyun. He knows how at times Baekhyun enjoys his sleep way too much the small man needs him to wake him up, and he’s willing to do that just so he can have another excuse to kiss him. “I know you’re not so a morning person, huh?”

“Excuse me, are you done stocking up the refrigerator? Why are you taking so long just to do that? Is it really that much? Are you stocking for the doomsday or something?” Baekhyun blabbers, trying to change the topic, while purposefully laughing loudly to blot out the sound of his stomach churning that can be heard quite clearly. He’s truly hungry though, and Chanyeol takes so long just to get his snacks—or in his sister’s words, how outrageous!

Knowing Baekhyun’s ways to redirect the topic to food, Chanyeol’s boisterous laugh rings through the kitchen again. “Hyunnie, one question at a time please,” he replies as he makes sure everything is set on their destined place before adding, “I’m sorry, Mr. Byun, but first of all let me tell you that I believe I have to buy the whole supermarket for you, since all you do here is steal my snacks and drinks. And if I don’t stock them enough you’ll sulk and you won’t let me kiss you and I will not have that nonsense here. I have no choice.”

Baekhyun’s laughter follows right after Chanyeol finished his sentence while he rolls his eyes at that, even though he knew it’s the truth—he loves eating snacks, especially the ones Chanyeol bought for him. “Alright, Mr. Park.”

There are sounds of feet shuffling on the wood again, and a minute later Chanyeol comes in front of the studio’s control room carrying a big, brown paper bag. He grunts a little bit trying to slide the glass door open. “Second of all, aren’t you going to help me open the door? I’m carrying _your_ snacks and drinks, you know. Or I can just eat all of these by myself.”

Baekhyun chuckles in his seat, decided to put his legs on top of the teak wood coffee table in front of the couch to tease Chanyeol more instead of helping him, because he enjoys seeing Chanyeol’s large foot trying to get a handle at the bottom side of the door to slide it open. “I’m the baby here, you better give me my snacks now, I’m so hungry.”

“Okay true that, you are _my_ cute, small, fluffy baby. Here are your snacks, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol chuckles as he enters the studio room. Baekhyun is really using his fondness to call him _baby_ as a weapon? Well—it works—he can’t say no to his adorable puppy who’s currently stretching his hands to welcome the food he’s bringing along. So he hands over the brown paper bag containing Baekhyun’s favorite snacks and drinks to the small man’s waiting hands. “Anyway, you didn’t take a peek at my Special Project folder, right?”

Humming in delight and gratefully accepting his treat of the day from Chanyeol, Baekhyun replies, “No worries, Yeol. Your Special Project folder is untouched by me. I didn’t and won’t cross my promises for you.”

“Ah, that is so sweet of my baby Baekhyunnie, that means a lot to me.” Chanyeol coos, completely smitten by the sight of Baekhyun looking like a five years old boy getting his treats in front of him. Then as he caresses Baekhyun’s cheek, he teases, “So does this mean I can ask you to promise me to stay with me forever, then?”

At the touch of Chanyeol’s fingers and Chanyeol’s question, Baekhyun smiles as he nods vigorously while rummaging through the brown paper bag and opening his first box of cooled strawberry milk. A personal favorite of his—Chanyeol also did say the said drink’s color complements his soft pink lips too.

Nudging Baekhyun’s shoulder to scoot over so he can sit next to him on the couch, Chanyeol then turns his head towards Baekhyun and adds, “But seriously, aren’t you curious? I mean when I tell people not to do anything they will usually end up _doing_ it.” Then he sits on the couch comfortably with his long hands draped over Baekhyun’s shoulders.

Baekhyun scoots away a little bit to accommodate Chanyeol’s exceptionally long extremities, but all the while he also scoots back closer to Chanyeol’s arms to get more warmth from him when the tall man succeeds on slotting himself on the couch.

“I _am_ curious, but I know better than sneaking up on you, I know it’ll worth the wait when you finally let me see your precious special project.” Baekhyun says smugly, huffing up his chest and tilts his head high. “And I trust you that folder won’t contain anything weird—oh my god—” abruptly he gasps out loud, eyes bulging at the sudden realization, hands stopping mid air while holding two bags of chips on each of his hands. Then he whispers, “Is it _porn_?”

Chanyeol, who’s gulping down a bottle of his favorite grapefruit juice, bursts out laughing at Baekhyun’s words. He almost choked and spit the whole thing to Baekhyun’s face if it weren’t for his hands covering his mouth quickly. “I can’t believe I get to have someone as thoughtful _and_ full of humor as you,” then he gives Baekhyun’s body a slow once-over. “And please, I love you, Hyunnie, why would I need porn when I have… well, _you_? I don’t want anybody else but you, it’s true.”

Seconds after Baekhyun heard that and saw Chanyeol’s cheeky smirk, his cheeks gradually redden as much as freshly picked tomatoes. “Yeol, no need to be all romantically poetic. I love you too,” he pulls out his tongue at Chanyeol’s direction. Laughing to himself before resuming to rack through the brown bag full of snacks to find his most favorite chips, he adds, “Also I know I am a thoughtful and wise man, thanks for pointing it out again though.”

Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun with his eyebrows raised and gives Baekhyun the once-over side eye glance. “Really? This so called _wise man_ still pulls out his tongue at others like a five years old kid?” He chuckles. “But really though, Hyunnie, I appreciate the way you really haven’t touched my special project. I trust you with all my life.” He smiles, as his gaze falls on Baekhyun’s concentrated but still cute face while trying to open a particularly hard to open bag of cheese flavored potato chips.

Unaware of Chanyeol’s tender gaze at him, Baekhyun finally managed to pry open his bag of cheese flavored chips with a loud ripping sound and a celebratory look on his face. Then with a grin he looks up again, his eyes meeting Chanyeol’s delighted ones. “And this five years old kid trusts in you as well,” he laughs, “I have concluded that we are astonishing, Yeol. To be honest, I love the concept of us.”

“Me too,” Chanyeol laughs, both at Baekhyun’s reply and the way he can see how excited the small man is just from being able to open his bag of chips. “I love us, we can be the greatest team that the world has ever seen.”

The sentence Chanyeol just said reminds Baekhyun of a little trick his friend showed to him, and now he wants Chanyeol to see it too. So he prepares himself after plopping a few chips into his mouth and brushes his hand from the cheese powder collecting on his fingers. While turning his body to face Chanyeol, he says, “Anyway, speaking of love… I have a magic trick to show you.”

Baekhyun stands up, taking a piece of blank white paper from Chanyeol’s desk. He slowly tears it at the edge, creating a clean cut of a paper strip. Next, he sits himself on the coffee table in front of Chanyeol who's still sitting on the couch, just so they’re facing each other. Then he puts up a mysterious look on his face and says, “Watch this, I can show you how my love goes for you with just this piece of paper.”

“Mr. Magician Byun is on the rise! Are you taking my steps on how to flirt?” Chanyeol chuckles as he scoots forward, still trying to tease Baekhyun while intently watching Baekhyun’s hands movements, excited to see what Baekhyun has for him. “Or following my lead in teasing you?”

“You’ll see, Yeol,” Baekhyun chuckles too; indeed he’s trying what usually Chanyeol does to him, but he’s doing it with his own way now. He gives the paper strip a half-twist, joining the ends of the strip to form a surface in the shape of a loop with only one side and one boundary. Then he draws a line along the length of the strip. Handing it into Chanyeol’s hands, he instructs, “Now, take a closer look at the line and tell me what do you see.”

Chanyeol examines the paper strip, fingers tracing and following where the line goes. “This is just a straight line—” then after a minute inspecting the strip and somehow finding no end to the line, he notices something extraordinary. “Wait—the line! It’s drawn on both sides of the paper loop and… it traversed the entire length of the strip without ever crossing an edge!”

The mixed look of confusion, surprise and amusement on Chanyeol’s face makes Baekhyun laugh. “Amazing, right?”

“It’s like, an infinite line!” Chanyeol exclaims, holding the paper loop close to his eyes, still trying to process the way the line is drawn. Even after so many years, Baekhyun still manages to surprise him in many ways he can’t imagine. He knows the loop is half-twisted for it to happen, but still he needs an explanation on _how_ it can be like that. “B-but, Hyunnie, how?”

“For explanations, wait for a few more minutes, Yeol. Now, here’s the best part. What will happen if I cut along this infinite line?” Baekhyun says, smiling as he lay out the strip to show the line he drew earlier. He feels like a teacher showing magic tricks to his pupils, and it doesn’t help with the way Chanyeol really does look like an excited five years old kid despite his 6’1 built. “Can you guess?”

“Of course it’ll separate into two!” Chanyeol replies immediately. But after seeing Baekhyun’s triumphant face that indicates his answer is incorrect, he adds, “What? What else could happen?”

“I wonder what else could happen,” Baekhyun teases by only repeating the question, with the right amount of mystery added in his voice. Then he takes again the scissor he used to cut the strip and cut the line he drew. After he’s done, he keeps the strip covered with his hand, just like a magician hiding his tricks under his sleeves. “Watch this, Yeol.”

Chanyeol watches intently as Baekhyun slowly unfolds the previously cut strip, expecting to find two separate strips. But when Baekhyun’s hands open up, he sees the small man grinning as he holds up only one paper strip, but this time it’s thinner and longer than the original.

“Hyunnie!” Chanyeol exclaims, eyes going wide again as he takes the strip into his hands. How can it be only _one_ strip? “How does it happen—what is this magic?”

“Now let me introduce you to the incredible Möbius strip,” Baekhyun finally decides to explain, enjoying the awed look directed at him in Chanyeol’s face as he hands the strange strip onto Chanyeol’s open hands. “One of my friend back at Kyunghee from the Mathematics department showed me this while he was studying topology. It fits to describe my love for you. Do you get it?”

Seeing Chanyeol is currently speechless, shaking his head slowly and is still trying to inspect the paper strip for explanation, with a smile Baekhyun adds, “This is actually just a close replica of the real Möbius strip and its mathematical property of being non-orientable. And people are always in need of a real explanation of the Möbius strip, but perhaps the fact that it has only one side and only one edge which, as mathematicians say, is non-orientable, is what baffles their logical mind.”

As Baekhyun observed the mixed of admiration, wonder and astonishment on Chanyeol’s face that seems to heighten the more he explains about the strip, he thinks about how happy he is to know it’s him that brought the beautiful sight into view, and only him. So to make the tall man happier, he decides to continue his explanation.

“This has to do with the fact that everyday two-dimensional objects embedded in three-dimensional space are in fact, orientable. The ever-brilliant human brain then took this basis as a something that should be applicable for all objects and is rather confused by an oddity, such as the Möbius Strip that does not satisfy those principles. It then demands an explanation in terms it understands.”

At the genuinely awed expression clearly pasted on Chanyeol’s face, and how Chanyeol seems to be unable to close his hanging open mouth, Baekhyun really wants to laugh, but he needs to keep himself calm and collected, for the grand finale of his magic show. “But…”

“But what?” Chanyeol asks immediately, when he sees Baekhyun purposefully delaying his words, adding more suspense into the last bit. He does this a lot to Baekhyun too, and he knew Baekhyun is good at doing it for him as well, but what he never knew is how he gets more and more spellbound the more Baekhyun does it for him, as right now he feels truly enchanted by yet another charm Baekhyun has that gets him turned head over heels all over again for the small man…

This time Baekhyun can’t hold back his own laughter at how seriously fascinated Chanyeol is, it’s adorable. So as he laughs softly, he decides to put the last part of his explanation out. “But—here’s my favorite part since it reminds me of us—of course, the object itself just is and requires no explanation for its existence.”

At that moment, as a wide smile starts to spread on his face, in Chanyeol’s mind he has only one thought: how beautiful the sentence and Baekhyun are while saying it, with Chopin’s Nocturne still floating in the air acting like the tune of Baekhyun’s words, its melodies limpid and clear, its flow simple and light, and its form resembles a soft, cold blow of the autumn breeze…

“And Yeol, that’s how the flow of my love for you goes, an infinite, endless cycle that simply exists just the way it is—just like the Möbius effect,” Baekhyun finishes, smiling fondly at the sight of his excited giant puppy in front of him. Then he chuckles, “Well, actually there are mathematical equations and formulas for it, but I’m not sure I can explain it correctly to you.”

“Hyunnie—I… Wow. Just, wow, I love you,” Chanyeol says slowly, still under the magic spell after hearing the full explanation. Baekhyun’s spell is too powerful on him; the way he talks without pause, knowing the mathematical subject so well and his ability to connect it with something that can be illogical like love, looking so intelligent with his small smirk and the smart glint in his eyes that stays on him all the time as he spoke… This is just another moment where he’s falling in love all over again with Baekhyun for the millionth time today.

“Science is cool, right?” Baekhyun’s smile grows wider, happy to see Chanyeol’s reaction that’s similar to a five years old coming to see a circus show for the very first time ever with his adorable face, eyes wide open, lips curled up to form a wide grin. Then of course he takes his abandoned plastic bag of snack again, hands groping inside it to find the chips he’s been munching on. “How do I do?”

“Using science’s magic is the most attractive thing in the world, ever!" Chanyeol replies right away while clapping and whopping loudly, giving the proper reaction after finally waking up from Baekhyun’s enchantment. Then he has an idea. He whistles and adds, “Just now you were like, a smokin’ hot Mathematic professor.”

“Well at least if I’m your Mathematic professor probably it’ll make you do math better, and I don’t have to be the one to call your mum about your results.” Baekhyun chuckles, returning the teasing by referring to their old university days when Chanyeol told him how much he hated the subject, which resulted in not-so-good numbers in his GPA report to the point the tall man made him tell Mrs. Park instead just so he wouldn’t get a mouthful from his mother.

“Do math better? What for?” Chanyeol snickers, trying to hide the fact that Baekhyun manages to give a good comeback to his teasing. But then he suddenly has an idea to get back again at Baekhyun, who seems to know he just hit the right spot, judging by his hearty laughter at him. Smirking and giving the small man his most alluring look he adds, “When I can just do you, Professor Byun.”

The remark Chanyeol just said suspends Baekhyun’s hand up in the air, which is midway slipping a piece of potato chip into his slightly opened mouth, and stops his laugh for a moment before he continues laughing louder. Of course, this is what Chanyeol loves to do, teasing him. Then after he manages to plop in the piece of chip, he replies, “Yeol, please.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t want me to,” Chanyeol teases, slowly inching his face closer to Baekhyun’s with his lips puckered, eyes aiming on Baekhyun’s parted lips. Then his hands reach up to give feathery touches on Baekhyun’s cheeks before traveling down to swarm on the small man’s body. “I know you want me.”

For the millionth time today Baekhyun almost fell into the charms of Chanyeol’s eyes, if it weren’t for his usual role to be the logical one between the two snapping its fingers in his mind. Clumsily trying to hide his embarrassed smile and to dodge from a chuckling Chanyeol who’s holding his waist while trying to kiss him, he splutters, “Okay, but—”

“Ha!” Chanyeol shouts, jutting his tongue out and dropping his act to kiss Baekhyun as he starts to poke Baekhyun’s sides, tickling him. It’s always so amusing to see how easy it is for him to make Baekhyun all shy and red faced, and knowing only him that can have that impact on Baekhyun.

Baekhyun of course put up a strong defense and starts attacking back, realizing Chanyeol was only trying to find a gap to tickle him and not really kissing and start doing more. For some reason he feels… a little bit disappointed? Then, between his laughs, out of spontaneity he blurts out, “Wait—so you didn’t really mean to kiss me and do me—”

The sentence Baekhyun said to him is Chanyeol’s biggest win for today. As he continues working his hands on Baekhyun’s body to tickle him, he replies, “So now you’re saying you _want_ me to do you? Well okay, but we’ll have to wait until the studio crews are gone—”

“N—no—that’s not the point—” Caught red handed, Baekhyun can only splutter more and starts an impromptu tickling fight on the couch to have them laughing and bickering, and Chanyeol stealing a kiss here and there.

After their laughter died down and they’re back again being in a jumbled mess of limbs on the couch, Chanyeol suddenly pulls Baekhyun closer into his embrace.

“Hyunnie.” Chanyeol calls with a soft smile, after he has his arms around Baekhyun’s body with the small man’s head resting on his chest, tracing smiley patterns on his black t-shirt while munching again on the potato chips he bought for him. Somehow after watching Baekhyun demonstrating the Möbius strip’s magic like properties and the way it parallels to what he feels about them as well, his mind started to form one thought.

Again reunited by his bag of chips and lying down with Chanyeol’s arms wrapping his body, Baekhyun smiles as he looks up to Chanyeol’s face. There he sees a calculating but otherwise fond and admiring look with the dark cinnamon orbs staring long into his. He wonders what the tall man has in his mind for him this time. So, softly he replies, “Yeol.”

All the while they were teasing each other, this thought occurred in Chanyeol’s mind from the way Baekhyun can skillfully associate something logical like mathematical things that he thought doesn’t have any correlation to something so abstract like emotions or even to describe it. It somehow adds something to his way of thinking and he really wants Baekhyun to know about it. 

“I was thinking about… if I applied the frame of Möbius effect to curve the space into the shape of a Möbius band, then logically no matter what direction I set out in I would always end up at the point at which I started,” Chanyeol starts, as his hands automatically caress Baekhyun’s body. “To my mind the Möbius effect rendered the paradox of the direction of time irrelevant and fixed a certainty to things against the normal flow of time, like time travel. For that subject, in a commonsensical way, maybe it’s still quite implausible to happen.” 

“But really though: believe it or not, the Möbius effect is something that just started to guide my perceptions of the world. To me it indicates that whatever you do in life, everything you choose contains unlimited possibilities as long as you apply a simple twist to it,” Chanyeol continues, remembering the way Baekhyun gave a half twist on the paper strip. But he knows the small man also gives just one more important twist for him. “Like, for example… the concept of eternal love that you just told me and the fact that you’re that twist in my life. And I’m altering the course of my life by loving you.”

“So, thank you, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol finishes with a smile, “For showing me the Möbius strip’s trick that helps me find another reason to love you. And of course, for being that one twist in my life.”

“Brilliant words those are, Professor Park,” Baekhyun says as he chuckles, after a few minutes of him thinking over Chanyeol’s words. But really, one of the things he admires from the grinning man in front of him is his power to grasp ideas quickly and produce good things from it. “See? You really are so good at this.”

“Not without your guidance, Professor Byun.” Chanyeol replies with a faux solemn look, while holding back his chuckle. And it doesn’t take long before they burst out laughing at how silly and cheesy the nickname sounds, exchanging cringed looks while whispering _what was that?_

Trying not to roll on the studio floor from the intensity of his laughter, Chanyeol secures a hold on the couch’s armrest before he shoots another cringed stare at Baekhyun. “Why does it sound like—” 

Returning Chanyeol’s cringed stare with his own while laughing and holding his stomach that slightly hurts from his laughter, Baekhyun replies, “Like we have a professor kink, I know.”

But in all honesty, Chanyeol won’t say no to such tempting new stuff to try at their bedroom… So, trying to be as nonchalant as possible, while he nudges Baekhyun’s body softly he quips, “But it might be nice though—”

Baekhyun cuts off quick, almost choked up by his own saliva from the sudden urge to laugh again and the amused kind of shock from thinking about what Chanyeol will try to suggest and do later—even though he’s not one who rejects such appealing offer. “Yeol, please.”

“O-o-kay,” Chanyeol says dejectedly, huffing his breath and slumping down his shoulders. So he relents… but not really. “But—”

“Yeol, zip it.” Baekhyun finally laughs as he turns his head to see Chanyeol’s face—and there it is, the cheeky and slightly mischievous lopsided smirk. Of course his boyfriend isn’t Park Chanyeol if he doesn’t try again to get what he wants if he didn’t get it on the first try.

A pout comes across Chanyeol’s face. This is his most effective weapon to melt Baekhyun’s heart, and he knows he’s going to succeed as he sees the small man’s eyes suddenly turned so fond at him. “Hyunnie—”

“Fine,” Baekhyun tries as hard as he can to show on his face a look that says he’s not interested at all, but he’s failing so hard at it when his heart is stolen away once again for the millionth time by the puppy pout Chanyeol is showing him. And for Chanyeol’s idea… it won’t hurt to try new things right? “We’ll talk about it later—”

“Yes!” Chanyeol shouts even before Baekhyun finishes his sentence, turning into the completely opposite side of him from his previously rejected puppy look into his own look of a finely handsome man in a matter of a split second, with him now punching the air with his balled fist raised up repeatedly while smirking in victory.

At the sight of Chanyeol being way too pleased, letting out smug smirk and loud repetition of _yes_ that clearly shows him feeling triumphant, Baekhyun decides to get his revenge. This time he tickles the tall man again just so their laughter can be more amplified and are filling the room once again—this is one of the reasons why he’s glad Chanyeol made the walls completely soundproof.

“Anyway, I think you looked a bit sad earlier after talking with Seohyun nuna. What happened?” Chanyeol asks after they’ve sorted their breath from too much laughing and too tired from tickling each other, his voice turning into a more serious, attentive tone.

One hand already reaching towards his bag of potato chips, Baekhyun looks up. His longing towards his family isn’t really a something he wants to discuss much, since he doesn’t want to worry Chanyeol. He opts to dodge the question and change the topic, but knowing Chanyeol, the man will see through it and will pester him for answers, so he decides to tell Chanyeol about what’s his sister’s phone call really about.

“Nothing much, Yeol. Just me missing my mum, dad and Seohyun nuna.” Baekhyun says truthfully, smiling and picking the safest words as to not to make Chanyeol too concerned about it. He’s doing it because he knows just how far the length the tall man will go through after sensing even a slight downturn of his lips.

“Aw, Hyunnie. I miss them too. Don’t worry much, I’m here with you.” Chanyeol coos, as his hands slides towards Baekhyun’s body again to gently grip Baekhyun’s sides before pulling him in for a tight hug.

“Thank you, Yeol.” Baekhyun says, snuggling into Chanyeol’s bundle of warmth. He decides to not prolong anything yet. He doesn’t want Chanyeol to worry much about him, even though he’s thankful for Chanyeol and his caring gestures. The tall man has enough things on his own plate with him being the CEO and COO of his studio company and he doesn’t want to add more to the pile.

Knowing Baekhyun for so long, in the smallest gesture he does Chanyeol sees what really the small man in his embrace is thinking. As the music of their playlist he played earlier goes on and a new song starts to play, he gets an idea—it so happens he also knows the many ways to make sure Baekhyun is happy, and there’s one thing he can do right now that can surely cheer Baekhyun up. Then gently he breaks the hug and offers his right hand. “Come on.”

Albeit knowing nothing on what Chanyeol is going to do or where he’ll lead him with his hand, it’s in Baekhyun’s second nature to take Chanyeol’s hand. “Come on what?”

“Come on and let’s dance, of course!” Chanyeol grins as he pushes the coffee table in front of the couch to sit next to the wall just so they have more space to move around.

Even before Baekhyun has a reply for Chanyeol, a smile already makes its way on his face. He doesn’t know much about the science of human bodies, but he can give witness that anything Chanyeol do for him can make him feel better instantly. “Dance what, Yeol—”

Not waiting for another word, Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun to the more spacious part in the center of his studio room after the coffee table is dragged away. Seeing the way Baekhyun’s smile is back, now he wants to turn it into a laugh. So as he chuckles, he teases, “Dance whatever we want and love, Hyunnie. As long as we’re happy.”

“Alright, Yeol.” For that Baekhyun chuckles along with Chanyeol while nodding softly. He can also give another witness that whatever he does _with_ Chanyeol can bring them happiness as easy as a flick of the fingers. Then as Chanyeol sways their joined hands gently, he realizes the music player that has been serving them Frédéric Chopin’s _Nocturne_ is now playing Stevie Wonder’s 1969 soul classic song, _My Cherie Amour_.

“Listen to what Mr. Wonder says,” Chanyeol says, grinning as he places his left hand on Baekhyun’s waist. For now he has teamed up with Mr. Wonder to tell Baekhyun how much he loves him and to make sure Baekhyun is smiling for always. “I have a surprise for you.”

“Oh, what kind of surprise you’ve got for me this time?” Baekhyun smiles, eyes wide open for signs of surprises coming his way. One out of the some many things he loves about having Chanyeol by his side is that he’ll always find smiles and laughter in everything—even when the clouds of bad days are persistent in not letting any trace of the sunlight of happy feelings in.

“This time I’m going to tell you how you have the beauty of the nature shining back in you, and I’ll show you who you really are to me,” Chanyeol grins, guiding their steps by gently pulling Baekhyun’s body to move along with his, following the tunes of the song. “Well, to everyone else as well, basically. I have scientific proof of it.”

Chuckling, Baekhyun is going to reply again, to ask and maybe tease Chanyeol a bit about whether it’s really true, but the song’s first line sang by Mr. Wonder stops him short.

_My cherie amour, lovely as a summer day_

Soft pink blush creeps on Baekhyun’s cheeks for the way he can see Chanyeol mouthing the line for him. The way Chanyeol’s hands are making its way on his body rings a bell in his head in form of memories from their late night session of dancing slow waltz, so automatically he takes Chanyeol’s right hand and rests his right hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

Having a smiling Baekhyun looking only at him has always been filling Chanyeol’s heart with so many feelings that can write pages of books with bold words of his unfading love only for Baekhyun. So it’s only right for him to let the overflowing love out in forms of spoken words for Baekhyun to hear. “Not only the touch of your hands is as warm as summer days, but also your smile is as soothing as the snow falling at winter days, your laughter colors my life like autumn days and your kisses brings me back to life like the way leaves grow and flowers bloom at spring days.”

“Just like the way you’re every day of my life.” Baekhyun deduces, his smile turning into a grin as the words flowing from Chanyeol’s mouth march its way into his mind to keep, and drape blankets of warm feelings over his heart.

Now it’s Chanyeol’s turn to blush and grin at Baekhyun’s words. Just a few words from Baekhyun’s mouth spoken with love so strong it touches his heart and he’s sold, that’s just how powerful Baekhyun is. “Well, you’ve said it better than I do.” He pipes up, making Baekhyun laugh.

_My cherie amour, distant as the Milky Way_

“Am I a galaxy now?” Baekhyun teases as he gives a challenging smirk, wanting to hear what kind of answer Chanyeol has for him. “Just like the faraway Milky Way?”

“Almost correct,” Chanyeol replies easily, as he lets go their intertwined hand just so he can bop Baekhyun’s button-like nose. Then he takes Baekhyun’s hand again, gently pulling their now upraised hands and beckoning towards the direction they’re leading their steps to. “Mr. Wonder might say as distant Milky Way, but to me you are my cosmos, all of space and time, all existing matter and energy considered as a well-ordered whole, my universe… so I’ll never be far from you. In your heart, I live.”

“It’s better than what I expected, but as always… you and your magical words,” Baekhyun says, his smirk softening into a fond smile. He wants to laugh how scientifically cheesy Chanyeol’s words are, but how can he find a reason to complain or ask Chanyeol to stop when at the same time the words are somewhat beautiful and the person saying it for him has such a honest glint in his dark cinnamon eyes? “Thank you, Yeol.”

“All just for you,” Chanyeol replies with a wide smile coming into view on his face. As he gives a kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead lovingly, inhaling the fresh lemon scent of Baekhyun’s hair that for so long he associates with the small man while leading them to dance around the studio, he whispers, “Welcome, baby.”

_My cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore_

Throughout their dance, Chanyeol has been mouthing the lines, but this time he says it clearly for Baekhyun to hear, added with his own remix of it. “My pretty, handsome, beautiful—and all the adjectives that corresponds to the fact that you’re drop dead gorgeous—little one that I adore.”

To the way Chanyeol had momentarily transformed into a Thesaurus dictionary, Baekhyun burst out laughing. It’s definite now, he doesn’t want Chanyeol to stop his words, he certainly needs to hear more. “Thank you, my ever amazing and sweet tall one.” He teases again, earning him Chanyeol’s bubbly laughter.

_You’re the only one my heart beats for_

For this line, Chanyeol brings Baekhyun’s right hand that he’s been holding to rest on his chest, right above his heart, putting the palm flat against his shirt. As he looks into Baekhyun’s eyes, hoping the small man knows the things he said aren’t just for the sake of teasing but the truth, he says, “You’re truly the only one my heart beats for.”

Even from that Baekhyun blushes even more, as he can see the honesty on Chanyeol’s eyes, knowing well the words said are nothing but the fact of the matter. Then he lays his head on Chanyeol’s chest, listening to the relaxing beats of the tall man’s heart. He loves the way its loud rhythm can always calm him down and makes everything sound better, including the song’s signature drum beats and the trio of saxophone, trombone and trumpet that are following their dancing steps. “And so are mine, for you.”

_How I wish that you were mine_

This time Baekhyun beats Chanyeol to it. As he moves his grip from Chanyeol’s shoulder to rest on the tall man’s cheeks, with a broad smile showing unfeigned delight he says, “I am yours.”

The tender look shining wholehearted feelings in Baekhyun’s eyes is one out of so many great things that can make both Chanyeol’s heart and body gravitate closer to the small man’s. To him… Baekhyun is magic and all of its quality of being mysteriously beautiful and delightful in an exceptional way that seems so powerfully enticing personified. So he doesn’t wait for another moment to lower his head closer to Baekhyun’s and steals a quick kiss.

Expecting the kiss coming by the way Chanyeol’s eyes flit into his lips for a split second, Baekhyun smiles and returns the kiss tenderly. When Chanyeol tries to retract his head back, he reaches up to hold Chanyeol’s face, gently grabbing him by the cheeks and kisses the tall man again—properly, this time.

“I’m so lucky to have you.” Chanyeol sighs contentedly after he’s recovered from the daze of Baekhyun’s kiss, with his arms now fully wrapping Baekhyun’s body to hug him, feeling the small man’s warm breath against his chest. This time there’s something in his heart that wakes up, and in his mind he remembers this one special promise of his that he’s been thinking about for years since he gave Baekhyun his word of honor about it eight years ago. He’s going to do it soon enough.

“Me too, Yeol,” Baekhyun breathes out. Being inside Chanyeol’s embrace and having his arms twining around Chanyeol’s torso, he feels so calm and at peace. He closes his eyes for a moment as he whispers, “So, so lucky to have you with me.”

“Well, unlike our poor Mr. Wonder, of course.” Chanyeol then adds in a side note, and they laugh at the comment before continuing to sway along the rhythm and blues tune of the song’s outro.

With the last trombone and trumpet’s notes of Mr. Wonder’s song excusing themselves out, the music player gives way for Frank Sinatra’s 1964 _The Best Is Yet To Come_ ’s turn to fill the studio room. And as the first piano intro of the song steps into the room, Chanyeol has just one other idea—he knows it’s the perfect song for them. Keeping Baekhyun’s hand in his, he announces, “Now it’s time for another dance!”

“Another one?” Baekhyun chuckles as he follows wherever Chanyeol is taking him to. Actually, this is another part of Chanyeol that he loves—Chanyeol’s fondness to playing songs for him and dancing with him. But he still wants to see the tall man’s reaction to his teasing, so he feigns a confused look and asks, “Haven’t we waltzed enough with Mr. Wonder?”

“Let me rephrase it,” Chanyeol replies, as he chuckles along while distancing himself further a little bit from Baekhyun before bringing the small man to come along with him to the middle of the room. Somehow seeing Baekhyun smiling in his arms is still not enough, he wants to make the small man happier. “Now it’s time for a _happy_ dance with Mr. Sinatra. Let’s go!”

Needless to say, to the grinning man in front of him Baekhyun complies and gives his sincerest smile. But he’s not saying _okay_ because he’s forced to say so, but for the fact that they’re making more memories with the songs and the dances, with which he knows he’ll need someday to keep him happy in living his days. “Okay, Yeol. Let’s go.”

This time, Chanyeol intends to sing along with Mr. Sinatra, knowing the song’s words are somehow saying the promises he has for Baekhyun. So clearing his throat once, he lines his voice according to Mr. Sinatra’s perfect bass baritone one and starts to sing.

_Out of the tree of life I just picked me a plum  
You came along and everything’s startin’ to hum  
Still, it’s a real good bet, the best is yet to come_

_Best is yet to come and babe, won’t that be fine?  
You think you’ve seen the sun, but you ain’t seen it shine_

Inching closer to Baekhyun’s body, this time Chanyeol places his left hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder blade, effectively having their bodies touching and face inches away. “You came into my life and since then you made me want to give you all the best in everything.”

Even after years, Baekhyun finds the close proximity of Chanyeol’s body and face with his and still has the same effect on him—cheeks again blushing, eyes unable to stop its stare into Chanyeol’s bright ones and heart beating a pace faster. “You do always give me the best—”

“But it’s still not the very best _yet_ , and I’m not over with it,” Chanyeol chuckles, cutting Baekhyun off before the small man finishes his sentence. Then as he closes the distance of their heads, eyes looking intently into Baekhyun’s, effectively adding a mysterious aura, he continues, “Do you really think my surprises for you are over yet?”

For the past nine years he has stayed by Chanyeol’s side, Baekhyun also has found many things hidden behind everything Chanyeol gave him. Surprises from small things like preparing breakfast and a lunchbox and leaving it with _I love you, Hyunnie!_ Post-Its whenever the tall man has to go work earlier when he’s still asleep, to bigger things like barging in to his office somehow with airplane tickets, hotel passes, and luggage ready to travel to another country, so he can say he’s used to those kinds of surprises. But somehow, this time, there’s a different glint in Chanyeol’s eyes that says something much bigger is waiting for him. Eager to know what’s behind the words Chanyeol said, with widened eyes he asks, “There are more?”

“There will be so much more,” Chanyeol replies, with his lopsided smirk in full display, feeling happy at the interested reaction Baekhyun is showing him. With the words he’s saying right now, he’s actually slightly hoping the small man gets his hints and find out about it before he spoils his plan himself for being unable to resist Baekhyun’s puppy looks. “And it’ll never end too, just like the way I love you.”

Somehow after hearing the last sentence Chanyeol said, Baekhyun gets an idea. So gently he takes a hold on both Chanyeol’s cheeks, cradling the tall man’s face in his hands. “Seeing is believing, they say. Right?”

“Yes, that’s correct,” Chanyeol replies, smiling. Then he chuckles when he feels Baekhyun’s hands squeezing his cheeks, prompting him to do a ducky pout and only allowing him to mumble. “Are you using your x-ray eyes on me? Look into my eyes then, and tell me what do you see.”

“Let me see…” Baekhyun laughs, pretending as if he’s a detective looking for evidence by having his thumb and index finger forming a circle, using it as if he has a loupe. For a moment, joking aside, he pauses to observe the look on Chanyeol’s face and give Chanyeol’s words a second thought. He knows how sometimes words don’t mean anything, but in Chanyeol’s case, it’s different—he hears the tall man saying those sentences, and at the same time _seeing_ how Chanyeol implement whatever he said in any given time and that particular glint of determination in Chanyeol’s eyes that says he’ll do as he said, end of story. “What I see right now is you giving me all of your love—so I believe you.”

“I never make a promise I don’t intend to keep, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol smiles after he hears Baekhyun’s reply said in the most sincere look shining from Baekhyun’s dark mahogany eyes. He’s leaving a trail consisting of so many clues for Baekhyun, and with the way he’s staring deeply into Baekhyun’s eyes with a look that tells about his determination to show his love for the small man… he hopes Baekhyun sees it and knows he’s telling the truth. “So—thought I’ve ran out of words to make you laugh? Or ran out of ideas to make sure you smile in every second of your day?”

“I know you always keep your promises for me. And never have I laughed and smiled more than the times when I’m with you,” Baekhyun chuckles, his hands still playing around with Chanyeol’s cheeks, squeezing them to see Chanyeol’s ducky pout and pulling them gently to see Chanyeol’s gummy smile. In Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon eyes he finally sees the pattern Chanyeol is using… then he laughs, he also can see the way Chanyeol seems to give him too many hints about his supposed surprise—he knows how the tall man is never one to keep secrets about his surprises. “Even as we speak right now, you’re currently bringing more laughter and smiles for me, Yeol.”

“I’m glad if what I do for you is making you smile and laugh. That’s good,” Chanyeol says, still keeping his smile at the sight of his smiling Baekhyun even though the small man seems to be quite occupied playing around with his cheeks. Then with the same proud look and smirk on his face he continues, “This might sound impossible, but believe me when I say I’ll make sure to make you laugh and smile _more_ than this, and even more than the times you’ve been with me.” 

“After knowing you inside out for ten years, I do believe you even without you asking me, really,” Baekhyun laughs, repeating his answer from before. Again in Chanyeol’s eyes he sees it flashing bright—the one very slight, indirect suggestion look that gets him filled with more excitement and anticipating, effectively making him unable to stop smiling wide. “And also—I believe it’s not impossible.”

“Then for now, if you do believe me, follow my steps,” Chanyeol instructs, as again he pulls Baekhyun to the center of the studio room by the small man’s hands. He can feel the smile on his face won’t be going anytime soon at the sight of the delighted look on Baekhyun’s face. “I’ll show you how I can make you laugh and smile more.”

Even though he’s starting to get more curious of what’s with the sudden stream of hints Chanyeol is giving him, for now Baekhyun chooses to let it aside and enjoy instead what Chanyeol has for him and just have fun. So with a amused smile on his face, he follows Chanyeol’s steps: one step forward with their right foot, another one step backward, then a kick of their right foot followed by a drop forward before they start their movement again from the first point. A moment later he realizes the genre of Mr. Sinatra’s song they’re listening is swing and how Chanyeol’s movements are following along the song’s flowing but vigorous rhythm. “Wait, I know these moves—we’re doing swing!”

“Correct,” Chanyeol grins. He’s glad Baekhyun still remembers the movements of the swing dance—one of the dances they both tried to teach themselves back in their university days—and is still good at keeping the footwork. “Now watch and learn from me.”

“Watch and learn from you?” Baekhyun chuckles while pretending to look like he’s genuinely questioning his words while continuing their moves after recognizing the footwork while maintaining his eyes both on Chanyeol’s and their moving feet as he keeps their hands intertwined. “I remember you stepping on my foot so much and we fell down so many times when we first learned the footwork. You should really be careful.”

“It was dark, Hyunnie, we were at my dorm’s rooftop and we only had two headlamps,” Chanyeol retaliates, feigning an offended look as he chuckles along. How Baekhyun still remembers so many memories of them with exact details is something he admires… and he can never win against too, for the small man is too good at remembering his embarrassing moments. Then he brings them rotating on their axis for one full turn, as they circle around before he faces Baekhyun again and continues, “And I _was_ being careful, it was just that wooden thing being in the wrong place!”

“That _wooden thing_ has been there for years, Yeol. Just admit it, how you stubbed your toe on that old rickety bed before you lost your balance and pulled me to fall down onto the mattress with you,” Baekhyun laughs, amused by the way Chanyeol manages to look all suave and handsome while acting like a five years old blaming the road when he fell. But then as he sees a slight change in Chanyeol’s eyes—as if there’s a tiny hint of guilt—and how Chanyeol’s smirk grows wider, he remembers something that happened that night when they fell onto the bed and he had Chanyeol’s arms trapping his body… “Wait… it was a trick to get me kissing you, right?”

“Maybe yes… maybe no,” Chanyeol laughs, remembering the same scene of him and Baekhyun that night—the way Baekhyun’s eyes flitted between his lips and his eyes that made him just kiss the small man right there and right at that moment… which also reminds him of one thing. Smirking, he continues, “I only need to know you kissed me back, how you love getting kissed and how we finally spent the night just making out on the rooftop with our dance session completely forgotten. That’s all.”

“Hey—b-but it was—Yeol, you were the one who started it!” Baekhyun laughs, as he gets his turn to stutter to hide his shy smile. It’s really a deadly duo—how Chanyeol loves stealing kisses from and how Chanyeol knows it’s one of his greatest weaknesses when it comes to anything about the tall man. So quickly he steers the topic away from the dangerous waters. “Besides, our topic is how you were so cute being too excited while teaching me swing’s footwork and you accidentally stubbed your toe.”

“But Hyunnie—” Chanyeol stubbornly tries to give another counterattack, but he’s too busy pouting and sulking while looking at Baekhyun’s face until he doesn’t notice the hidden leg of the low-lying coffee table next to the couch they’re currently standing near. Without saying, a second later he accidentally kicks the hard wooden table’s end, which causes him to lose balance and slips on his own foot, but thankfully Baekhyun catches his hand and pulls him into his arms right on the time he falls back.

“I’m not going to say _what did I just tell you_ to you, don’t worry. But be careful next time Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs out loud as he has a half lying but completely surprised Chanyeol on his arms, their faces close—it’s like those classic position trope in movies. But then he sees the slight wince of pain on Chanyeol’s face and he immediately turns into his worrying mode. “Yeol—hey, are you okay? Does your feet hurt? Do I need to take a look at it? Should I get you something? Do you need to lean on me? Do you want to sit again?”

Even though his big toe is currently feeling as if it’s catching fire, with Baekhyun’s arms holding him securely around his body and Baekhyun’s face so close with his, Chanyeol can’t help to stare only into Baekhyun’s eyes… he almost didn’t feel it hurt… But then while fumbling with both words to hide his embarrassment and his long legs to try stand up straight again, he quickly assures, “I’m fine—I’m okay! I’m a strong man, I’m okay, Hyunnie!”

“You know, you just showed me the proof of what you said from that,” Baekhyun says after a moment, again laughing out loud as he notices the way Chanyeol is once again entranced by his eyes. But as his laugh softens into a chuckle, he can only watch fondly at the tall man in front of him being all adorable and very much enchanting while trying to stand up back to his full 6’1 feet height with his face flushing red complete with an embarrassed smile.

A flash of fear from getting his plan known before the D-day gets Chanyeol waking up from the daze of Baekhyun’s eyes’ enchantment and freezing for a moment. Unconsciously he stutters, “A-About what? H-How?”

“About how you’ll make sure to make me laugh and smile more than this, and even more than the times I’ve been with you, by stubbing your toe right after I told you about how you stubbed your toe years ago? And how you almost fell down to the floor?” Baekhyun chuckles. But he indeed senses that little waver of Chanyeol’s voice while the tall man spoke, as if the tall man is afraid of him knowing about something, which makes his curiosity leveling up again… but then, maybe it’s nothing, just the tall man’s feeling slight pain on his stubbed his toe. Laughing to the scene in his mind, he continues, “And having us relive that scene in romantic movies where one catches the other one in their arms as the other one falls back into their embrace, and they have ten minutes of them just staring at each other in that position?”

“Hyunnie!” Chanyeol pouts again, with the magic spell of Baekhyun’s eyes broken, he can feel the throbbing pain on his toe getting more distinct now… But then again, it seems like Baekhyun still remains in the dark about his plan, so unconsciously he lets out an audible relieved breath. “I thought you know about my—” then his eyes widen in alarm, he almost told his plan! Quickly he clamps his hand over his mouth before he clarifies, stuttering yet again. “Uh—I mean there’s nothing—wait! I mean you know about my clumsiness and still remember when we learned swing’s footwork.”

“You thought I what?” Baekhyun says suddenly, laugh gone and replaced with inquiring look, his curiosity is in its highest level, totally invested in the way Chanyeol can’t stop stammering and in the slip up Chanyeol manages to do that seem to almost resulting in the tall man divulging about something secret. When he sees Chanyeol only laughing at his confused face, he starts his attack: his puppy look and ducky pout. “Yeol? What is this really all about—”

“Thought you’ve been the happiest all these time?” Chanyeol chuckles, continuing giving the stream of hints of what's more to come and purposefully not answering Baekhyun’s question. Just a moment ago he almost inadvertently revealed his secret, and he’s blaming it on the gleam in Baekhyun’s dark mahogany eyes and the gentle way Baekhyun’s hands gripping on his arms as the small man clings on him that he’s always spellbound with… he should be more careful.

“Yeol, please tell me—why won’t you tell me—is it because I teased you for stubbing your toe and almost falling down? I was just joking, I swear, I’m sorry—now, will you tell me about it?” Baekhyun pleads, using his cutest voice while blinking his eyes prettily and putting his best smile on for Chanyeol. Really, he’s trying to keep up with the hints Chanyeol right now is giving from his words and gestures, but at the same time his mind is so occupied and he has fallen deep into curiosity about whatever Chanyeol is hiding from him that the tall man managed to accidentally let out. “Yeol, please? Is this a surprise? Or a plan? You can just say yes or no.”

“Not telling you anything,” Chanyeol replies right away, diverting his eyes to look at anywhere but to Baekhyun’s adorable puppy face that more than not gets him giving in with no time, even though still stealing a few glance. “Not even answering for a yes or a no question.”

“If I kiss you, will you tell me about it?” Baekhyun offers with a sweet voice, tempting Chanyeol with his puckered up lips making the ducky pout that he knows is one of Chanyeol’s kryptonite. For a second he sees Chanyeol getting allured, eyes on his lips, but then the tall man shakes his head like a puppy and gives him what sounds like a half-hearted and weak _no_. Chuckling, he finally decides to ask. “What should I do to make you tell me about it, then?”

“Nothing,” Chanyeol replies while silently thanking his own willpower to not fall so easily into the charm of Baekhyun’s enticing red lips—honestly, kisses is not only Baekhyun’s weakness, it’s his too. The reply he gave earns him a delighted whoop from Baekhyun, but he’s not done with his sentence yet, so with a triumphant smirk he adds, “But that’s because whatever you do I won’t tell you,” that one earns him a cute low groan from Baekhyun. Then as he chuckles, he continues his previous sentence. “You can do one thing actually. Just wait for me to make you happier than ever, because I’ve only just begun.”

“I did think we can’t be happier than today since I’m already feeling at my happiest in every day I’m spending with you, but I can feel my heart is so full of love even more than usual right now, can you believe it?” Baekhyun chuckles as he stretches his arms wide up in the air before he places them gently to circle around Chanyeol’s neck. He finally gives in and lets his search for an answer to back down for now—he's sure he’ll find out about what Chanyeol is keeping for him later—probably one day the tall man will accidentally slip up again. But then, pretending to sulk and again trying his luck, with a pout and a five years old kid’s voice he asks, “But here you are, making sure I’m feeling happier and excited than I usually do, and that’s _a lot_. Why all of a sudden you’re attacking my weak heart with so much of your love?”

“Maybe it’s because of the way you walked straight into my life and easily stole my heart through the doors and even past the guards,” Chanyeol replies, chuckling as he plays along with Baekhyun’s act, answering but still not telling about the surprise. He’s truly mustering all of his willpower to not to fall into the puppy look Baekhyun is showing him and to not to just tell Baekhyun right now. “Just like the way your smile is the first thing I see in the morning every day manages to take my heart that you already owned even from the first time I saw you, and make me so determined in giving all the love I have in me for you.”

“So I have your heart, I feel so honored owning such a precious thing to care for and look after.” Baekhyun smiles fondly, but laughing all the same at how Chanyeol follows his scenario and still able to deliver a swift answer to evade his question. Then they continue their dance, as again the loud horns and strings of the orchestra the song provides become the conductor of their movements, a quick waltz with a side swing that accompanied their laughter.

Then as he brings Baekhyun circling around the studio room with their hands still joined tight, jokingly Chanyeol teases, “Will you give me my heart back?”

“Never in your wildest dreams,” Baekhyun replies right away, now replacing his soft smile with a jut of his tongue, sticking it out to tease Chanyeol again. “I’ll keep it forever with me!”

_A-Wait ‘til the warm-up’s underway  
Wait ‘til our lips have met  
And wait ‘til you see that sunshine day  
You ain’t seen nothin’ yet_

Then as Mr. Sinatra sings again—this time with lines Chanyeol has been waiting since the song starts playing—in one quick motion, he ducks his head down and kisses Baekhyun’s lips briefly, enjoying the puppy pout and the soft whine Baekhyun gives him after he disconnected their lips.

For the amorous but swift kiss Chanyeol gave him, Baekhyun can only stare in a mix of fondness and complete awe with his mouth slightly open at how just one small kiss from Chanyeol can raise the pace of his heartbeat, make him smile uncontrollably fond, give a warm feeling to his heart, redden his cheeks, and stop him from doing anything just to admire him, all the while still wanting to feel again those plump red lips Chanyeol has…

“Thought I’ve kissed you enough for all times we’ve been together?” Chanyeol raises a question as the same time his smirk rises on his face, while trying not to laugh at the reaction Baekhyun is showing him—his small man is so easy to read.

“No…” Baekhyun replies slowly, not realizing what he’s saying as he only has his eyes on Chanyeol’s, trailing back and forth between the dark cinnamon orbs and the ever kissable brilliant red lips… He’s usually the logical one between them but somehow he can feel his hands involuntarily reaching up slowly to hold Chanyeol’s face and kiss him again…

“Oh then—I’ll just kiss you again.” Chanyeol chuckles before he quickly attaches his lips on Baekhyun’s, again kissing Baekhyun but this time with his arms circling Baekhyun’s body to keep the small man close, kisses reaching deeper and taking time languidly to take care of each lip, not waiting for Baekhyun to wake up from his daze.

“I mean yes, yes. You’ve stolen enough kisses from me, Yeol—” Baekhyun sputters quickly, realizing what he just said, after Chanyeol lets go of their kiss for a moment to take a breath, and while he’s stumbling over his words he can feel his cheeks heating up and colored redder than ever. But to Chanyeol’s delight, when the tall man kisses him again, he kisses Chanyeol back just as fervently with hands finally holding Chanyeol’s nape to keep the tall man’s head close to his, betraying his own words.

“All of my kisses are just warm-ups, I’ll kiss you as much as I can to show you how much I love you,” Chanyeol laughs at the sight of Baekhyun stammering shyly but still kissing him like it’s the only thing he wants to do. So he kisses Baekhyun again, feeling the small man’s lips curved up into a smile against his. “And as much as you want, of course.”

“I know how much you love me already, even without counting how much you’ve kissed me—which is a lot.” Baekhyun laughs, but he only gets a few seconds to let out his laughter before he’s busy again kissing Chanyeol back, planting his smile on Chanyeol’s, now with his hands tracing the line of Chanyeol’s jaw.

“Thought I can’t love you more than this?” Chanyeol says again after they parted and are now laughing with their mouths still close and lips brushing, and Baekhyun finally letting go his hold on his face. As he chuckles—after Baekhyun gave him a small peck that clearly said he’s not willing to stop kissing—he continues, “No matter how much I spend all my love on you, you keep on defying the law of science with all the great things you’re bringing since the day you came knocking into my life, you just keep on making me wanting to love you more, to give you more. So wait for me.”

“Even since ten years ago, I’ve already trust you with it all—how you love me more the more I love you, actually,” Baekhyun laughs, with this time his arms resorting to circle Chanyeol’s neck again, keeping their bodies close. “So I’ll always be waiting for you.”

“Thought ten years together with you is a long time?” Chanyeol laughs along, getting the idea after Baekhyun mentioned the amount of years they’ve spent together. With one arm laced firmly around Baekhyun’s waist to keep the small man hugged tight, with his other hand he reaches up to the back of Baekhyun’s head to brush the ends of the smooth dark chocolate hair. “There will be more good days coming our way, in years and years to come.”

“It’s a calming thought, how I know I’ll grow old, weary and ugly, but I will still have you,” Baekhyun muses, laughing lightly at the image of him having his hair all white and skin wrinkling everywhere. He just has this hunch on how he’s so sure he’ll stay with Chanyeol—not just any normal hunch or any silly so-called instincts like what people who are too drunk and befuddled in love used to blather about—but because just like he said, he’s seen it all, from the way Chanyeol always keeps his promise like no one else ever before. “I won’t be alone. We’ll grow old together.”

“To the eyes of people outside, when we get older, we might look all wrinkly, gray-haired and ugly just like you said,” Chanyeol says gently, his voice softening, with his hand finally find its way to rest on Baekhyun’s cheek to caress the soft skin tenderly. He really wants Baekhyun to know whatever they’ll look like in years to come, it doesn’t matter—it never does. “But to me, you’re always beautiful. Back when I first saw you, I found you beautiful. Today, at this very second, I find you beautiful also. And later on, for many years to come, I will still find you beautiful. I’ll stay with you until whenever the time to remind you of that.”

“It’s a very calming thought," Baekhyun whispers, his eyes fluttering close as he snuggles his face into Chanyeol’s warm touch. Hearing what Chanyeol said to him—the best answer he ever heard someone say to him—is truly the reason he knows he'll still have Chanyeol with him, even for later time. Then as abruptly he opens his eyes again, he lets out his most fond smile at the smiling man in front of him. " _You_ always so effortlessly manage to calm me down, just every time I need to remind myself, even without me saying anything. Thank you."

"Welcome, Hyunnie." Chanyeol whispers back, smiling. Seeing Baekhyun’s smiling fondly at him and how Baekhyun leans his face more into his palm—the best reply he could ever get—he takes the small man’s hand close to his lips to plant a soft kiss on the back of it before he brings them around again, their steps more light with Count Basie’s jazz piano plays and orchestra cheers for their resumed dance—this time they’re back waltzing.

As Baekhyun laughs along with Chanyeol, moving his feet in accordance with Chanyeol’s steps, for all the questions Chanyeol asked him, actually there’s only one thought that starts to form in his mind: if all of the second to none things Chanyeol did for him aren’t the best yet, what else should he feel and think when for him those are the finest things Chanyeol could ever done for him? He can’t wait to find out in days to come, since he knows Chanyeol’s efforts to make them happy is unrivalled to others—unexpected and only getting better by each day.

_I’m gonna teach you to fly  
We’ve only tasted the wine  
We’re gonna drain the cup dry_

_Wait till your charms are right for these arms to surround  
You think you’ve flown before, but baby, you ain’t left the ground_

Here comes another line Chanyeol has been waiting for. As he sneakily winds one of his arms around Baekhyun’s waist and another tucked under Baekhyun’s arm, he tries to gain momentum by slightly crouching down. Then he gives a wink as a signal for Baekhyun. “Be ready.”

“Be ready for what?” Baekhyun wonders, looking around and trying to think what kind of thing Chanyeol has for him with his arms wrapped around his body, just like Chanyeol is going to scoop him up… And when the tall man only sends him a mischievous smirk, as if confirming his thought, he chuckles and adds, “Yeol—”

“Be ready for…” Chanyeol trails, not letting Baekhyun to get out of his arms. Then abruptly he lifts Baekhyun up, which is a very easy feat, chuckling at the surprised look on Baekhyun’s face that appears instantly as the small man’s feet leave the ground. “To be sent flying up, up and above.”

“Flying up? Yeol!” Baekhyun laughs, half yelping and half screaming jumbled words from the shock of suddenly getting raised up in the air, but of course it all dissipates into more laughter as Chanyeol hugs him and brings them spinning around. “Yeol—Yeol, hey—let me down!”

But instead of letting Baekhyun down to stand on the floor again, Chanyeol keeps Baekhyun carried on his arms. After making sure he’s hoisting Baekhyun safely around his hips, he starts again with his hints, with his cheeky smirk still staying on his face. “There are three things where I won’t ever let you down.”

“And what are those, if I may know?” Baekhyun chuckles. As always, for him nothing feels more secure than Chanyeol’s arms. So he circles his legs around Chanyeol’s waist, tucks his feet safely on Chanyeol’s legs. With their current position—he’s now slightly taller with his head in a slightly higher level than Chanyeol’s—he can rest his elbows on both sides of Chanyeol’s shoulder, trapping the tall man’s head between his arms.

“First, I won’t let you down and feel sad—I won’t let the curl of your smiles to turn down—I’ll make you smile whatever it takes,” Chanyeol replies, grinning wide while enjoying the way Baekhyun’s arms are twined around his neck and hands holding the back of his head that automatically brings their heads close, allowing him to see more of the small man’s broad smile. “Second, of course I won’t let you down and release my hug on your body because I love carrying you in my arms.” 

“For the first and the second point, I know you’ve succeeded in doing both because just by listening to you saying it I’m already smiling and laughing so much, and with me carried in your arms right now I feel like I’m up at the heavens too,” Baekhyun laughs, again amazed by Chanyeol’s ability to find the right words to make him laugh and his heart warm. But then he’s curious for the last unsaid point, because judging from the way Chanyeol didn’t say it along with the first and the second, it seems like the tall man is holding back the suspense and wanting him to ask him about it. And that’s exactly what he does. “So what’s the third?”

“The third one is the best one, actually, so I’m saving the best for the last. And the third is…” Chanyeol replies slowly as his smile gets wider, building up the excitement by letting his voice trailing away. This one is the most important points for him. So with one hand still secured around Baekhyun’s hand, he loosens his grip on Baekhyun’s waist momentarily to pinch Baekhyun’s cheeks gently before he continues, “I won’t let you get your weight down, I’ll cook lots of food to keep my baby’s cheeks, tummy, and thighs chubby and very much healthy.”

“This is really the best out of the best—I get to eat more delicious food cooked by you!” Baekhyun laughs heartily at the proud look appearing on Chanyeol’s face. This last point is really the best, Chanyeol isn’t just good with composing songs and playing music instruments, he’s the chef between them in their apartment. “And I get to see you working on your magic at the kitchen and also us eating what you cooked together! Well, even though most of the time you spend your time watching me eating everything up more than you actually eating and finishing your dish.”

“Not my fault you look adorable while eating with your cheeks puffed!” Chanyeol defends himself, feigning a frown before laughing along with Baekhyun. Then with a smirk he teases, “Besides, I’m just keeping watch in case you make a mess of yourself. Since when you eat, you either always have crumbs all over your cheeks or a smear of something on the corner of your mouth.”

“And I bet you’re okay with it since you love to wipe them by _kissing_ me,” Baekhyun retaliates, pulling out his tongue at Chanyeol, already chuckling and smiling in victory.

“And I bet you’re okay with it since you love my kisses.” Chanyeol replies right away, not even a second later, laughing triumphantly and knowing he’s won another one. And when he sees Baekhyun stammering, unable to find a reply, he takes the chance to kiss the small man carried on his arms, earning him a laugh and an adorable surprised puppy look from Baekhyun who instantly kisses him back. “See? I know I’m right.”

“Wait a second, Yeol. I’m seeing the sky right now, am I?” Baekhyun asks, putting on his faux thinking face and covering his mouth with one hand to reduce his laugh and hide his reddened cheeks from the kiss, while trying to look convincing for his sudden idea to tease Chanyeol back. He can never win against Chanyeol and his kisses—not that he ever wants to win anyway, he loves kissing him too much, but the tall man doesn’t need to know that.

“How so?” Chanyeol chuckles, wondering what Baekhyun has for him after seeing the playful glint lighting up the small man’s eyes, fully well knowing the sudden change of topic means the small man is either trying to tease him or hiding his embarrassment.

Unable to hold his amusement anymore, as Baekhyun cups Chanyeol’s cheeks again, he finally laughs and decides to let out his teasing for Chanyeol. “You’re so tall and high up there just like the sky—”

“Hyunnie—” Chanyeol suddenly sulks, suave smirk and triumphant look quickly replaced by a cute frown and a pout forming on his face.

“Just kidding, Yeol!” Baekhyun laughs heartily as again he squeezes Chanyeol’s chubby cheeks, getting Chanyeol to do another ducky pout again while enjoying his teases for Chanyeol. Then after he sees Chanyeol’s pout slowly softens into a small smile, he smiles softly and adds, “Earlier you told me about how I think I’ve seen the sun, but I haven’t seen it shine? Well, I have to say you’re wrong on that because right now I’m seeing it all—I’m seeing the sky by the way I can see in you the stars twinkling in your eyes, the sun shining in your smiles, the clouds rising on your fluffy cheeks when you laugh and the moon.”

“That’s beautiful, Hyunnie…” Chanyeol trails, a wide smile rising back on his face with his eyes only looking into Baekhyun’s, standing still and being fully immersed in awe at the small man he's carrying on his arms. Somehow words as simple just like that can work wonders on him, just because of one person—his Baekhyun.

“Exactly just like you, actually,” Baekhyun replies, laughing at the look of surprise on Chanyeol’s face and at the way Chanyeol stops moving as if frozen from just his words. So he keeps his hands busy on the tall man’s face—again caressing the rising cheeks, brushing softly the phthalo blue fringe, rubbing circles on the beautifully sculptured cheekbones while tracing the sharp jawline, all lovingly. “I was just describing what I see when I look at you.”

Only with what Baekhyun said Chanyeol is already able to feel his breath taken away, eyes hypnotized and body petrified. But as he sees Baekhyun’s small smile turning into a satisfied smirk at the way he still has his mouth opening wide from amazement, to hide the red blush of embarrassment on his cheeks he lets out his own lopsided smirk again and teases, “I never thought all the stars, the moon and sun could rise on the same time on the sky.”

“Scientifically speaking, they’re actually always up there—you can’t see the stars and the moon clearly at day just because of the sun’s glare hiding them from your vision. In fact, individual, bright stars can be seen during daylight hours through a telescope or a really powerful pair of binoculars—” Baekhyun explains excitedly about one of the topics he loves the most. But after he sees Chanyeol has an amused smile plastered on his face, he realizes Chanyeol’s question is just another teasing. So he shyly smiles while he tries to clarify, “I mean the stars and the sun—” but then suddenly he has an idea in the form of a cheesy one liner for Chanyeol, so he changes what he wants to say. “But of course, when it comes to you, everything is possible, with your love for me so strong it can pull the stars at night and lasso the moon to sit gracefully next to the sun at day.”

“Again, I stand with what I said: those are beautiful, thank you, Hyunnie. But nothing beats you, ever,” Chanyeol replies, his smirk widening and laugh getting louder at the way in just a matter of seconds Baekhyun can change from being someone all shy and red all over to someone so cool and composed with sweet words flowing out from his mouth. But even so he still can see the blush creeping on Baekhyun’s cheeks and the entrancing tint in Baekhyun’s shy smile, which reminds him of something. “You love the sky so much you’ve become a sky too, you know.”

“How so?” Baekhyun asks as he tries to hide both his chuckle and the bright red that’s starting to paint colors on his cheeks, which only spreads more the more he looks into Chanyeol’s proud face with its triumphant smirk.

“I see you at the sky too,” Chanyeol chuckles as he observes the way Baekhyun tries to cover his shy smile and the beautiful red roses sprouting on his cheeks. Then as his hands travel from brushing Baekhyun’s fringe to caress the small man’s cheek, he continues, “As the first blazing red wave of the morning sun rising from the horizon in the blush of your cheeks, as the beam of moonlight among the dark night sky in the bright gleam spotlight of your eyes, and as the rainbow stretching over the sky in your bright smiles and laughter that colors my life.”

Now it’s Baekhyun’s turn to have his own fair share of being in awe of how Chanyeol’s words are better than what he said for the tall man, as he can only smile wide as he feels the words’ effect in the form of that familiar warm feeling spreading from his heart to all over his body. “Yeol—that’s so beautiful—”

“Exactly just like you, actually,” Chanyeol replies with the same answer Baekhyun gave him that gets the small man chuckling. “And also, for how much you love the sky I’ll make sure you can go fly up there every day,” he adds, not letting Baekhyun to complete his sentence while smirking at how he can see Baekhyun is unable to hide his fond look to shine out from his soft smile, with his cheeks bulging up and eyes staring long into his. “Do you know how?”

“I know how you can do that, actually,” Baekhyun finally replies after a minute of looking only at Chanyeol’s eyes, when he finally manages to wake up from the enchantment of Chanyeol’s charm. From seeing the way the smirk on Chanyeol’s face grows wider, he knows the tall man might be thinking that he doesn’t know what he’s going to say, but as his grin gets wider, for this one it’s the other way around, he knows what Chanyeol is going to say for this one—not that he's a psychic who can read minds, but for how he knows Chanyeol is really making him feel like he can fly at any time of the day. “How you can make me feel as if I can really fly, with your arms lifting me up to carry me and your words that give wings to my heart.”

“That, yes,” Chanyeol replies, letting Baekhyun thinks he’s won for a whole minute. He’s glad really, when Baekhyun acknowledges what he’s been doing for him for all time they’ve spent together, but Baekhyun still doesn’t know the much bigger things he has in store for him, and that’s what makes him so excited for his plan. Then he lets out his smirk again and continues, “But like I said, there’s more. So much more.”

As again Baekhyun unconsciously lets out an amused smile with his face showing look of astonishment, he thinks about how he really can’t point out how much is more—after all those times Chanyeol takes him into overseas trip, taking him to eat at various high-end restaurants or just cooking him full courses of meal back at home, buying him stuff from expensive things, his favorite books and his art materials and being adorable while being stubborn at the same time while trying to stay awake and accompany him working on his designs at night, even to something as simple as smiling at him that is really more than enough to make him happy… so how much is more?

As Chanyeol laughs, enjoying his view of the way Baekhyun’s mouth is hanging open, complete with a downright surprised look on the small man’s face, he decides to leave the mystery with an open ending for Baekhyun to solve later before he continues his singing.

_A-Wait ‘til you’re locked in my embrace  
Wait ‘til I draw you near  
A-Wait ‘til you see that sunshine place  
Ain’t nothin’ like it here_

“How much is more? I can’t imagine how much is more of the things you have that you said can make me feel so happy I can also feel how is it like to fly,” Baekhyun chuckles as he tries to regain control of his mind again, while still trying to find out what’s behind the sudden riddles Chanyeol is currently telling him. He usually can tell what kind of surprises Chanyeol has for him since the tall man is quite easy to read and can’t keep secrets because he’s too excited for him to get the surprise, but this time he can’t see where Chanyeol is going to. But suddenly he remembers about how Chanyeol loves pulling pranks on him. “But I can see it’s a whole lot of more just like you said from the way you’re smirking way too mischievously, should I keep an eye to where I sit?”

“Why?” Chanyeol asks as he tries to hide his grin. Actually he knows exactly what Baekhyun is trying to say is about his pranks for him, but he chooses to look innocent by tilting his head slightly to the side, showing his own version of confused puppy look that Baekhyun usually put on display whenever he’s confused.

“Excuse me, Mr. Prankster Park, don’t you remember that time during this year’s April’s Fools when you hid fart pillows all over the apartment _and_ my office that made my coworkers laugh at me and you were the one laughing the hardest among all?” Baekhyun replies, pinching Chanyeol’s cheeks while laughing despite him still feeling extremely embarrassed when he thinks about the memory again. “Or at Halloween just a month ago for a prank you purposefully hid a rubber tarantula on our couch that made me jump high as I was going to sit, just so I’d cling onto you?”

“Excuse me as well but you were laughing too, it was so fun, okay! And for the record it’s a spider, not a tarantula, and I just wanted to make you jump into my arms and make myself like a hero to you. Just like right now,” Chanyeol laughs at both the nickname Baekhyun gave him and the way Baekhyun’s hands are stretching his cheeks gently. As a little revenge, abruptly he juggles Baekhyun up to correct his arms’ hold on Baekhyun’s body that prompts the small man to shriek a bit between his laughter. Then he decides to return what Baekhyun said to him just to make the small man more confused of his next surprises. “But well, for a starter, all I can say that _many more_ doesn’t mean kids’ toys or a pair of really powerful binoculars to see the sun and the moon at day either—”

“Yeol!” Baekhyun chuckles as he playfully pinches Chanyeol’s cheeks, chuckle turning into laughter at the way Chanyeol lifts him up without warning for a moment, and at the way he can see the determined look Chanyeol previously was giving him as the tall man told him he wants to be his hero turning quickly into a very convincing innocent look when the tall man was talking about his pranks. “But really, those really did make me laugh so hard until my stomach hurt. Also, getting carried in your arms or not, you’re still my hero anyway, for always saving the day by making me happy. Just like right now.” 

“Alright, here we go,” Chanyeol says, smiling. Then, following the steps Mr. Sinatra laid for them in the words the jazz singer are singing for them, after gently letting Baekhyun down to land softly back on the studio’s wooden floor, the first thing he does is to pull Baekhyun inside his embrace again. “Want to hear more hints about the secret I’m keeping for you?”

Mirroring Chanyeol’s movements, with a gentle tug on his hands, Baekhyun walks closer and lets himself to be wrapped by Chanyeol’s arms again. Even just by one look up to see the insides of Chanyeol’s eyes, he can see the sunshine place Mr. Sinatra mentioned behind the dark cinnamon irises—where their days full of smiles and happiness are reflected, where it’s nothing but those two orbs he sees first in the morning every day. So even though he knows Chanyeol is just going to tell him more hints… he wants to listen to more of it just so he can hear that excitement in Chanyeol’s voice and see the bright gleam shining in Chanyeol’s eyes when the tall man is saying it—those alone are more than enough to make him happy. “More spoilers of how our happy story goes next, please.”

“This one is special… so, you just have to wait until I bring you to the days where everything is fine and you don’t have to worry about a thing,” Chanyeol smiles. Then as he gently sweeps Baekhyun’s fringe to the side, he gives Baekhyun’s forehead a kiss. “Well, you just have to worry about me stealing more kisses from you, actually.”

“As long as you keep on kissing me I think everything will be fine,” Baekhyun chuckles, feeling Chanyeol’s lips trailing down from his forehead to his nose before ending on his lips. Somehow from the words Chanyeol has said so far, he decides to change his mind. So after the tall man gave him one last peck, as he softly strokes the tall man’s lower lip with his thumb, he adds, “Whatever we do, everything will always be fine, actually. Do you know why?”

“No,” Chanyeol shrugs, feigning innocence as he chooses to give the opposite answer to what he really knows, just so he can hear the answer said with that loving tone in Baekhyun’s voice and see the soft, fond smile rising on Baekhyun’s face—all that he needs to witness for him to truly feel happy. “Why?”

“Because I know I don’t have to wait or ask myself whether have you done enough for me or even worry about a thing,” Baekhyun smiles. To him, every moment available is the right time for Chanyeol to know despite of everything, whatever he has done for him is the best for him. “I know how you’re always _trying_ to do the best for me, and I think that’s the best part. When you try, you don’t always have to succeed to know you’re on the right track, it’s all about the thoughts, feelings and effort you procured just to give the best for the people you love.”

“In a much simpler way, the sky could be blue or grey, I really don’t mind, with you even the thunderous rain pattering against the windows of our apartment can be the lullaby for us while we’re cuddling on our bed, and even the hottest day when the sun is streaming so strong and makes us sweating so much can be a fun day too, with us lazing around in our balcony with sunglasses on and drinks in our hands.” Baekhyun continues, this time with his hands rubbing gently Chanyeol’s shoulders, massaging the muscles while admiring the way Chanyeol seems to relax the more he touches him, as if the tall man melts from only the warmth of his palms.

Again it’s Chanyeol’s turn to have his mouth slightly hanging open, dreamy eyes looking at nothing but Baekhyun’s smiling face, mind failing to come up with words as the sentences Baekhyun said are repeated again and again in his head. Then after a minute passes, as he hugs Baekhyun tight he finally knows what to say. “Thank you, Hyunnie.”

“Thank you for what, Yeol?” Baekhyun chuckles at the way Chanyeol is suddenly crouching down to cling onto him, but in a way where the tall man’s arms are completely covering his body and pulling him inside the tight hug, head resting on his shoulder and face hidden on the crook of his neck.

“For giving me all the reasons to try more,” Chanyeol replies, mumbling against Baekhyun’s cheeks. Then he adjusts his head for a while just so his mouth is near Baekhyun’s ear before he whispers, “And the most important thing. To love you more.”

_The best is yet to come and babe, won’t it be fine?  
The best is yet to come, come the day you’re mine  
Come the day you’re mine  
And you’re gonna be mine_

Heads close, foreheads almost touching, Chanyeol can see the details of Baekhyun’s irises—the grooves of onyx black between the abundance of intense brown, the surface reflecting the smile the small man has on his face, and all the warmth it contains resembling the summer days and the sunshine it brings along. The sight reminding him of the plan that’s currently forming in his mind—he can’t wait for Baekhyun to finally see and hear it—that he knows will surely make Baekhyun the happiest. “Wait until the day I’ll truly have you.”

“In case you didn’t realize I’m yours truly,” Baekhyun replies firmly as he gives Chanyeol another of his sincerest smile, with his dark mahogany eyes boring deep into Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon ones. “Always been and always will.”

“Mine,” Chanyeol whispers, before closes their distance, completely submerging himself in the enticing glint of Baekhyun’s eyes before he kisses Baekhyun again. The day he’ll truly have Baekhyun’s hand as his… is yet to come. So in a much louder tone he says, “Only mine.”

Ten years has made Baekhyun more than able to recognize and tell what’s beneath even the most indistinctive vibrations of Chanyeol’s heart through the words Chanyeol spoke or the small gestures Chanyeol did. So he’s so sure he can notice something under all Mr. Sinatra’s words that the tall man said so determinedly for him, and the way Chanyeol kissed him with such tender loving touches all over him that gives him all the exciting newfound feelings… he senses as if there’s a trace of a promise in it, alongside a gentle reassurance of good things coming for them soon.

“Mine.” Baekhyun repeats. That thought in his mind and the gravity pull of Chanyeol’s enticing eyes have him diving back in to kiss Chanyeol again, and this time his other hand that has been holding Chanyeol’s hand decides to grip on the ends of Chanyeol’s hair, pulling Chanyeol’s head to change the angle, taking control of their kiss. He tiptoes a little bit for his arms to reach and circle around Chanyeol’s neck, pulling the tall man down to kiss him better.

Chanyeol momentarily lets go of his hold on Baekhyun’s waist to wrap his arms around Baekhyun’s torso and back, before immediately hauling up Baekhyun’s body, carrying the small man in his arms. “Hyunnie.”

Just like before, Baekhyun’s legs automatically twine its way up to wrap Chanyeol’s waist, detaching his lips from Chanyeol’s for a moment to pepper kisses on Chanyeol’s neck that makes the tall man carrying him to laugh before ending his lips’ steps on Chanyeol’s again. In his kisses for Chanyeol there’s never a blind lust, only a real and simple feeling of just wanting to show how much he loves Chanyeol as much as he can.

For obvious reasons, even kissing Baekhyun makes Chanyeol’s brain go all fuzzy, his reasoning function completely turned off. And now with Baekhyun ever so slowly leaving trail of kisses on his neck with the plump lips softly exploring his skin and mouth he can only let out moans, thanking himself for installing soundproof materials on his studio room’s walls. “Hyunnie…”

As Baekhyun works his lips up to kiss Chanyeol’s lips again, the moan the tall man lets out brings him a memory of them—getting caught by Chanyeol’s crews, while trying to undress each other after a particularly intense making out session that was caused by their adrenaline running high from an exciting news that Chanyeol managed to secure his first big contract agreement—that makes him smile into the kiss, which slowly turns into a chuckle.

Feeling the sudden upturn curl of Baekhyun’s smile on his lips and hearing Baekhyun softly chuckling, even though Chanyeol doesn’t know what’s funny, he laughs along before giving one last peck on Baekhyun’s lower lip and letting go of the kiss. “What?”

“We’re in your studio, Yeol,” Baekhyun reminds Chanyeol who’s already trying to kiss him again by holding Chanyeol’s shoulders—but still chuckling and letting the tall man to do it anyway just because he loves getting kissed—as he gestures to the transparent sliding door through which anyone can freely have their eyes wandering inside. “Your crews are still outside, remember?”

“Yes, _my_ studio, _my_ crews… also _my_ rules. I can kiss you as much as I want,” Chanyeol brushes off Baekhyun’s reminder easily as he goes in to kiss Baekhyun again, smiling triumphantly at the way Baekhyun lets him to do just that. He remembers one time when Junmyeon and Minseok went to visit them, and the hyung duo caught them making out in a very compromised position, which resulted in them getting a lengthy lecture from Minseok and two powerful pulls on their ears from Junmyeon. Since then he always makes sure the coast is clear before they decided to do more than kissing. For now he’s glad all of his crews are home already, or else they’d be watching him and Baekhyun getting all over themselves. “Besides, they know more than to stay back or come to my studio room when the both of us are the only ones left. And earlier you _do_ want me to kiss and do you, right?”

At the wink Chanyeol sent him, Baekhyun laughs as he hides his face from embarrassment from getting caught yet again. “Exactly what I need. Thank you, Yeol.”

“Welcome, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol grins, this time opting to gently brush away Baekhyun’s fringe to give the small man’s forehead a soft kiss.

With Chanyeol keeping his lips on his forehead, kissing it and the crown of his head, at this moment right now… Baekhyun finally feels like he doesn’t need to know what Chanyeol is planning for them, because he knows it’ll be good, anyway, whatever it’ll be. So a second later, he quips, “You and Mr. Sinatra have been saying how the best is yet to come… but how so, when I already have the best that came wandering into my life ten years ago—I already have _you_ in my arms.”

“Hey—I was going to say that—you stole yet another idea of mine to tell you how much I love you!” Chanyeol blurts out with a slight whine and a genuine shocked face, which prompts Baekhyun to laugh heartily. But then he grins as he laughs along and says, “I was going to save that line for the end of the song, to say it now, but you’re too genius and you can read my mind. Oh well.”  
“We share love and minds too, I think, Yeol.” Baekhyun quips after a second thought, smiling fondly at the faster than lightning transition of looks on Chanyeol’s face—from the adorable grumpy look into the happily grinning one—that’s always amusing to watch.

The word _share_ somehow reminds Chanyeol of how half of his clothing are always constantly missing and the culprit is none other than the smiling small man in his arms. So quickly he interrupts, “And my clothes since you love stealing my shirts, my hoodies, my jackets, and my—”

“At least _I_ washed, ironed and folded them back neatly on your side of our wardrobe after I wore them, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs, this time to cover his slight guilt at claiming ownership on almost half of the content of Chanyeol’s wardrobe. He loves wearing Chanyeol’s clothes solely just because the tall man’s soothing mint scent lingering event after getting washed—something he’s grateful for. “Unlike a certain tall man who loves doing the same to my stuff and not returning them back to me for days.”

“Excuse me, I washed, ironed and folded them too—well, only after your scent is gone just so you can wear it again and I can steal them again—and it’s not my fault I love your lemon scent so much that I decided to keep then with me,” Chanyeol retorts, pretending to sulk with his pout. But then with his usual bright broad smile, he hugs Baekhyun tighter and nuzzles his nose into one particular point on Baekhyun’s neck, just right below the ear to inhale the small man’s fresh lemony scent. “And I’m keeping you with me too. End of story.”

Baekhyun can only laugh at the last sentence Chanyeol said and the way Chanyeol’s warm breath is tickling him, so in turn he has his arms wrapped more around his giant puppy’s body, hugging him back just as tight.

Finally after the last note of Frank Sinatra’s voice is heard and Count Basie’s orchestra gives them the last bow, Chanyeol lets go of their hug before he walks to his computer to pause the music player. Then he turns around, surprised to find Baekhyun smiling cheekily and tugging on his the hem of his t-shirt while tagging along with him. So without further ado, he hugs the small man again and asks, “Hyunnie, do you know why I always play our favorite songs for you whenever I’m leaving you alone?”

“Let me see… is it for background music?” Baekhyun guesses as he has his arms automatically hugging Chanyeol back. For years it has come to his mind again and again of the fact that they actually only have one playlist that contains _days_ of songs, full of each of their favorites that somehow became each other’s favorites too. But he never really put a thought into why Chanyeol loves to make him listen to it for so many times, putting songs on the music player even when the tall man is just leaving for a few minutes or reminding him to listen to their playlist when he has to leave for a few days.

“That, yes,” Chanyeol replies, this time it’s his turn to show his smile full of secrets just like the one Baekhyun sent him when the small man showed him the Möbius trick. “But think more of it. There’s also just one other thing.”

At the moment Baekhyun can’t think of anything else, so as a curious look accompanied by a slight pout rises on his face, he gives in and asks, “What is it?”

“Think of the songs I’m playing for you is an extension of me singing the lines for you,” Chanyeol says, “Those are my thoughts and feelings formed continually into words and rhythms for you, and for them to be a company whenever you’re alone. So when you’re listening to them, it’s as if I’m able—”

“As if you’re able to be with me all the time,” Baekhyun finishes, smiling. Somehow he can quickly understands the concept as he realizes from the way the songs Chanyeol picked for him are always lingering on his mind, and every time some of them start to play on his head, he indeed only thinks of one person: Chanyeol himself. “Right?”

“Yeah. And you, with me.” Chanyeol nods, grinning at just yet again another moment where Baekhyun seems to know what he’s going to say next. In a unique way, he has Baekhyun too with him while he’s listening to their songs even though he’s away, like an inseparable part of him in his mind.

Then the smile in Baekhyun’s face turns into a laugh, seeing Chanyeol grinning at him. It’s such a simple thing, really, but he feels so happy from the sight—a kind of happy so pure and untainted with anything else.

“Now, let me see… painting perfect red sunsets over your soft cheeks? Check,” Chanyeol smiles, as he gently brushes Baekhyun’s blushing cheeks with his fingers before he places the same hand near his ear, acting like he’s trying to listen intently to something. “Returning the cheery and hearty laugh? Check,” he laughs along with Baekhyun, earning him more of the small man’s adorable laughter. Then he rests his hands on Baekhyun’s cheeks again, cradling it as he rubs over the cheekbones under the chubby cheeks. “Restoring the warmth of happiness in your smile? Check.”

“Making me love you more and more?” Baekhyun adds, smiling and laughing at the same time he feels like he’s going to burst from getting filled to the brim with the finest essence of happiness. “Check.”

“Stealing a kiss from you?” Chanyeol teases back with a grin. Then in a flash, before Baekhyun can react to his words, he surges forward to catch Baekhyun’s lips and have their smiling lips touching gently before kissing Baekhyun deep, which prompts the small man to laugh again. “Check.”

“Ah! Why don’t we go have a picnic on Saturday? We can go somewhere nice to just chill and relax. How about it? It will definitely cheer you up, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol exclaims, again having another idea to make Baekhyun feel better they’re done kissing and laughing in each other’s embrace, and are back lying on the couch again.

At how Chanyeol found just yet another way to try to make him happy, Baekhyun smiles—Chanyeol really does keep his promises, even if the tall man doesn’t notice it. But hearing the day Chanyeol offered to him can only make him stutter, his eyes casted down to look at his long neglected bag of potato chips. “Um Yeol, I don’t think I can go with you on Saturday. I—uh—I need to go clean my family’s cottage house—”

Even though Baekhyun’s reply indicates that the small man can’t go with him, Chanyeol’s eyes brightens at the mention of Baekhyun's family cottage house—it’s located at Sokcho-si, Gangwon-do, which is also a place where he and Baekhyun had spent so many amazing days—and from it, he gets a brilliant idea. “Yeah that’s why I want us to have a picnic there and bring food and camp next to the beach near the cottage house and catch some fish to eat fresh sashimi and light a big camp fire like we used to do and visit the Cheoksan hot spring and go skinny dipping at night just like last time and—”

Baekhyun chuckles at Chanyeol’s happy ramblings, it makes the tall man to use the word _and_ way too much. “As much as the last one sounds super fun, kinky, and very tempting—”

“Yes sir I’ve got to see the one and only handsome Byun Baekhyun naked again—” Chanyeol is loudly guffawing right now, hands poking Baekhyun’s sides to tickle him while enjoying his teases to Baekhyun.

“Yeol, please let me finish,” Baekhyun’s attempt to remain serious flies out of the window because of the sight of Chanyeol laughing so hard while sitting on the floor—he just noticed Chanyeol has left his seat on the couch and rolled down to the floor from his excessive laughing—with his left hand holding his stomach and right hand banging the poor wooden floor.

“Okay, okay—I’m sorry—I do enjoy entertaining you with my humor, because it makes me happy to see your eyes formed into crescents from smiling,” Chanyeol says, trying to act serious between his laughs. “It’s a beautiful sight, even better than the moon’s crescent.”

“Oh man. Cheesy poetic Chanyeol is back,” Baekhyun smiles as he tries to tease back, gently poking his index finger into the dip of Chanyeol’s dimples. All in all, Chanyeol’s kind of cheesy words aren’t like others—cheap, too flirty, and commercially common—but it sounds like a sweet, beautiful sayings coming from an innocent heart. “Okay but Yeol, I’m sorry I can’t. I—I need to go take care some things and clean up the cottage house.”

Chanyeol finally straightens himself to sit properly on the wooden floor as he tries to stop his laughter. After catching up with his breath, with a wide grin he replies, “Oh then let me help you! I have extra long legs and long hands and long dick—”

“Yeol!” The last word Chanyeol said to him succeeds to make Baekhyun bursts out laughing. Just when he thought Chanyeol is going to be serious he will let out all the jokes it takes to make him laugh again—another fine feature the tall man owns, really. “Please, I need to go and sort out things alone, okay?” He kneels beside Chanyeol, face features set into the cutest one he knows, hands clasped in a pleading gesture. “Please?”

“Oh no. Now I can’t say no that you have used your big round eyes and pouty lips on me, Mr. Byun Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says, smiling as he ruffles Baekhyun’s hair softly. He understands Baekhyun has his reasons and he knows how Baekhyun is always true to his words. so if it’s some time alone Baekhyun needs… it’s exactly what he’ll give. “Alright then.”

Through his messy bangs, Baekhyun steals a glance at Chanyeol’s eyes. There he sees a look of understanding underneath all those teasing, and the way his smile says how much he trusts him.

“Thank you, Yeol,” Baekhyun says, grinning wide. All these treatments that make his smile persistent on never leaving his face—from the abundant stock of snacks, sweet kisses, beautiful words to even random dancing session—are what he get _every day_ from Chanyeol, so even the word _grateful_ is still not enough to represent what he feels. All the time he wonders, what did he do in his previous life to deserve someone like Park Chanyeol? “Thank you so much.”

Chanyeol is truly convinced of how he must’ve saved his country sometime in his past lifetimes for heaven to send him someone like Byun Baekhyun—seeing the warm smile on Baekhyun’s face, the way the sunlight of happiness is back in Baekhyun’s eyes and flowers of natural red blush are bursting on Baekhyun’s cheeks from their dancing is enough, in fact, it’s all he needs. But he’s not Park Chanyeol if he doesn’t bargain things again. “Next time, then? Okay?”

The suggestion Chanyeol gave to Baekhyun seems to make the small man mull the application over, and he’s about to do his puppy face to make Baekhyun relent when—

“Maybe,” Baekhyun replies, giving Chanyeol a smirk full of secrets, eyes not exactly meeting the tall man’s pleading eyes for fear of caving in too easy to the puppy look reflected on the dark cinnamon orbs. “Yesterday Junmyeon hyung just gave me Saturday shifts from next week onwards. So, maybe.”

It’s true though, Baekhyun as the head of the department is always filled with schedules, either coordination meeting with other designers and his assistants under his department or design discussion sessions with too chatty clients. Junmyeon seems to think he’s the perfect person to deal with it all, so there he is with busy days almost all day all week, lessening his time to be what he wants all day every day: spending time doing just anything with Chanyeol next to him.

“Screw work and Junmyeon hyung,” Chanyeol huffs, sulking with his hands folded on his chest, unsatisfied with being denied for what he wants in all twenty four hours of a day in every week: doing whatever he and Baekhyun like together in the comfortable space of their home. And when Baekhyun only grins at him, he continues to plead, “Hyunnie!”

That also only gives Chanyeol a snort from Baekhyun, who’s currently covering his mouth with his hands while trying hard not to laugh at the baby face he’s putting to persuade the small man. So this time he adds a threat, “Or else I will catch and tickle you to death!”

“Even if you catch me, you won’t be able to tickle me to death!” Baekhyun laughs and proceeds to stand and run away from Chanyeol, not answering him, while hugging closely all of his bags of chips. Chanyeol’s threat to catch him apparently is just him bluffing, and instead of catching up with him, the tall man leaves his fleeing self alone. Not without laughing at him from the studio room, though. “Your love gets me living forever!”

“So then next time I will get you, Hyunnie!” Chanyeol hollers, smiling and laughing as he witnesses Baekhyun’s laughing figure escaping and taking the snacks he bought as prisoners. He’ll get back at the small man later at home, now with an excited feeling he’s going back to take care his music business. But work isn’t the one that makes his excitement grow—it’s because now in his head and mind there’s a strong, new feeling of fixed purpose to carry out his most important promise for Baekhyun. “And I’ll give you all the love I have in me!”

To that Baekhyun can only laugh on his run. After checking that Chanyeol is already sitting on his usual reclining chair to work on his songs, and he can hear the sound of digital music instruments are starting to fill the air again, he stops his run and breathes in relief. It seems like Chanyeol is back working with the album mixing project he’s currently handling.

Finding a seat on one of the high stools of their tiny bar next to the mini kitchen installed at the studio, Baekhyun chuckles softly and smiles as he replays all the words Chanyeol said to him and their impromptu dance session just ten minutes ago. He then places all of his bags of chips and other snacks Chanyeol got him on the counter, thinking of how blessed he is to have Chanyeol—to have happiness in its purest form.

Now alone, he opens the _curriculum vitae_ in his mind again. He’s not done, there’s a hidden page right at the very back…

Then his mind starts whirring loudly again, thinking of what he just did and what he needs to do.

Suddenly, Baekhyun has no appetite to eat.

***

**November 1st, 2016  
Seoul, South Korea  
11.47 PM**

It was a good day. 

The _everything is going well and everyone is fairly happy_ kind of good in Chanyeol’s opinion. Now the sun is asleep, and the stars are back on its night shift to guard the dark sky.

Chanyeol lies on his side of the bed, with Baekhyun sleeping next to him, hands and legs tangling with his under the blanket. Baekhyun looks so cozy and restful—just like a sleeping baby in the cradle with the shadows bundling his blanket-covered figure, his droopy eyes that resembles the crescent moon are closed, his cat’s muzzle-like nose scrunching adorably once in a while.

It’s late at night, and usually at this kind of time Chanyeol likes to reflect on what happened in the day. Today he spent yet another studio session accompanied with Baekhyun, as always spending time together laughing and just being happy. Some people might say he’s bringing Baekhyun solely just because he’s the boyfriend, but really, if he were to be honest, with Baekhyun on his side he’s always able to work in a better performance. 

He’s still awake at this time of the night because of one thought—his most important promise for Baekhyun. All the dances they did back at the studio and the words he said to Baekhyun, it all came from that. He smiles to himself, remembering his half joking half serious question to Baekhyun about staying with him forever. And Baekhyun’s adorable answer, which is several cute nods while concentrating to wreck open his snacks… it’s enough of a reason.

Yet he has other reasons. 

It’s been ten years—eleven years if he adds the years they’re practically inseparable and glued to each other—since he started dating Baekhyun as boyfriends. He feels like he’s the happiest with Baekhyun, now that he completes the painting of his life with him. It wasn’t an exactly a dull life with his mother and brother, but after Baekhyun came along, one day out of nowhere, he feels like this is it, that one moment in his life when he realizes he has everything he needs from what the world has to offer and reaching its highest peak of happiness and contentment, finally ascending to the point of paramount significance.

Whenever he’s with Baekhyun, every place feels so comfortable out there, every noise drawn out to focus only to the good things. No matter what the weather’s condition is, everything will be in the brightest and warmest state. He sees Baekhyun everywhere—he’s convinced the entire universe has conspired to help him find Baekhyun, and to love him like he never loved anyone else before—Baekhyun could be the pleasant sunlight on a summer day, the moonlight on a cool autumn night, or just the lights alongside the road that leads him home.

Chanyeol has met so many people with different colors in his life, but never he ever encountered someone like Baekhyun, who not only brings one color, but all the colors the rainbow contains into his life. His favorite theory is that maybe Baekhyun is a reincarnation of the sunlight, since one of _Baek_ ’s meanings in Korean is _white_ and science proves sunlight is white light that can be refracted to reveal its composition of all the colors available in the spectrum. Baekhyun reigns supreme over all colors, even the universe approves.

So, in the world of fake friends, seemingly sweet enemies, he keeps his true friends close, his enemies closer and of course, Byun Baekhyun much closer than the heartbeats on his chest; as he’s the source of everything radiant, joyous, and in high spirits.

With Baekhyun in Chanyeol’s life, the world doesn’t seem as cruel as he thought many years before, rather like a playground. Baekhyun is that someone you need.

Baekhyun is someone to balance Chanyeol while playing at the seesaw—the rational, cold-headed and calm mind to attune and pacify his troubled and panic-stricken mind when he comes across unexpected problems.

Baekhyun is someone to push him on the swing—the right amount of continuing support and sustenance he needs to keep on going every time he faces a challenge.

Baekhyun is someone to build miniature sandcastles with—the companion and another helping hand to build strong pillars of their future together with.

Chanyeol is grateful for how Baekhyun inspires him to see music differently, and how Baekhyun teaches him very naturally about the mood or feeling of a song changing depending on how it’s played.

Call him nescient or shallow, but there was a time where he sees being good at music is only to be a prodigy who focused on technique, and by that he only ever learned to play a piece perfectly, without consideration for how he could interpret it and play happily, sadly, or longingly—to touch people’s soul in means of evoking a specific emotion or a memory. But Baekhyun changed it all, and made him see the art and the zeal in music that has long inhered inside him.

Most importantly, Chanyeol acknowledges that he’s the type of person who is always ready, mapping out what he will do and what he will be in his life, but somehow he felt like he lost something along the way. And when he met Baekhyun all those years ago, he knew he finally found what was missing: his compass. And now he’s thriving, challenging the world with Baekhyun at his side, giving him the right directions, always having his back, as his guidance.

Just like a compass he is, Baekhyun serves as his source of peace of mind with his prudent and full of wisdom thinking. Whenever he’s too frenzied to think of anything during disarray moments, Baekhyun will always help him find the solutions for his troubled mind, calmly leading him, one step at a time.

He would trust Baekhyun with his life, as he knows it will be in the good—best, even—hands. If he were ever asked to describe Baekhyun, he could write essays about him. Glimmer of hope, the light at the end of the tunnel, the oasis at the middle of the Sahara…

Once during their days at college, when Baekhyun was still his best friend, Chanyeol’s friends played a trick on him; they would look and wave to something at the distance behind his back while saying _Oh, hi, Baekhyun!_ and he would always brighten and smile in a millisecond as he turned his back to greet Baekhyun. However, he found no Baekhyun, and as he sulked his friends explained to him about the Pavlov effect.

The Pavlov effect is a human behavior classical conditioning when human’s brain already giving an effect to a stimulus of something that they haven’t received yet, as if predicting and conditioned themselves to prepare for it. For an example: human perceived, learned and conditioned the fact that after lightning comes the thunder, so even before the thunder arrived, their brain would induce the sense of fear and their body will automatically flinch just at the sight of the lightning, even though sometimes they’re not in the range to hear the thunder.

Pavlov accidentally found this interesting discovery during his research on the physiology of digestion in dogs, where he measured the rate of salivation on dogs. Pavlov noticed that his dogs started to salivate at the sound of the technician that usually fed them and their presence, rather than simply salivating in the presence of food.

Chanyeol’s friends then pointed out to him from the reactions he showed after their experiment, he simply had grown accustomed to _love_ Baekhyun, and that even Baekhyun’s name made him smile without Baekhyun being there. The fact couldn’t be truer, as he has long associated Baekhyun with happiness, right from the very start. You think of Baekhyun, petals of hope and promises of happy days will bloom in your heart.

The voice of Frank Sinatra singing _The Best Is Yet To Come_ from his studio session with Baekhyun this afternoon comes into his mind again. The jazz singer is right, though; the best is yet to come for him and Baekhyun. Because somehow after they danced and talked through Stevie Wonder’s _My Cherie Amour_ , he has only one thought: he wants to marry Baekhyun—no, he has always been wanting to marry Baekhyun since many years ago—he wants to marry Baekhyun _now_. This time it’s not just a wish, but a real, full-scale plan forming on his head.

So he decides that the time is right, now. It’s time to get his relationship with Baekhyun further into a much more serious stage as he wants to make Baekhyun his, officially. He has spent a third of his life with Baekhyun, and honestly he can’t wait to spend more years with him. He has always been dreaming about Baekhyun wearing his best tuxedo, walking down the aisle arm in arm with him, all shy and enchanting, eliciting whispers of admiration from the guests.

Chanyeol doesn’t know where he got this idea, but the thought of Baekhyun in the future saying _I do_ after they finished saying their vows might be the reason. Maybe the added envious thought of someone having Baekhyun other than him that wouldn’t treat Baekhyun as good as he does plays a contributing factor too. But again, maybe it’s just as simple as his _love_ for Baekhyun as the basis, the rudiment of his heart that makes him want to claim Baekhyun as rightfully his—he’s going to make a change, a difference to their lives and he will make it right.

Slowly, he untangles himself from Baekhyun, who sighs in his sleep from losing contact with him—somehow even in his sleep Baekhyun is still able to try to prevent him from going away, judging from the way Baekhyun’s hands are softly gripping his waist and one of Baekhyun’s legs is hooked around his leg—this is also another reason why he loves the small man so much. Nevertheless, he finally manages to get out of the bed safely by replacing his body with pillows for Baekhyun to hug. Then he walks on tiptoes, opens one of the draws from the bedroom shelf, and takes out his laptop.

It’s so tricky to stay on tiptoes when you’re a 6’1 feet man, but Chanyeol manages to reach the bedroom door without waking Baekhyun up. Next challenge is turning the doorknob, opening the door silently. He feels like a ninja doing an operation to ambush the criminals’ lair.

After Chanyeol reached the living room, he sets his laptop on the table and sits in front of his grand piano. A thought to back out of his plan out of sheer nervousness crosses his mind, but the thought of Baekhyun happily wearing their engagement ring makes it go away as quick as wisps of smoke. He pushes the power button on his laptop, waiting for it to boot. The desktop appears not long after, showing a photo of him and Baekhyun snorkeling on a holiday in Jeju. He stares fondly at the wallpaper while waiting for the internet to connect to his laptop, reminiscing the adventures they had.

Jeju is another chapter in their book of adventures; a backpackers style of trip produced from a random game Chanyeol invented after he took the both of them to the Incheon airport out of sheer impulse; where Baekhyun drew a table with country and city names and Chanyeol with a blindfold picked their destination. Jeju had came out as the result even though Paris, France was almost chosen, for it was one millimeter away from Chanyeol’s finger which pointed at Jeju.

At Jeju they rented a peaceful, sheltered guesthouse overlooking the coastline. Their days at Jeju were spent wisely: Piggyback rides along the seashore with cobalt-blue water chasing after their feet where Chanyeol gently carried Baekhyun on his back with his strong arms; Baekhyun’s legs gripping Chanyeol’s waist, Baekhyun’s arms secured around Chanyeol’s neck, and Chanyeol’s hands softly massaging Baekhyun's feet as they talk about their future and the ever-changing clouds. Making footprints and write silly things with abandoned twigs on the wet sand. Doing a barbecue party with the sea creatures they caught at the sea with the diver _ahjummas_ , all praising their ability to swim deep and capturing lots of scallops and abalones. Late night Hawaiian dancing sessions at the beige-colored sandy beach and laughing so hard when they realize they were so bad at it. Trying to understand the fast Jeju dialect of the taxi driver _ahjusshis_ , and failing miserably at negotiating the fare with their made-up dialect. Hiking at the Hallasan National Park to reach the highest summit in South Korea. A day out snorkeling to immerse in the life under water and playing pantomime with the fishes all day until their fingers were pale blue and shriveled like raisins. Playing hide and seek for hours at Gimnyeong Maze Land mostly because they were too confused themselves to get out of there on their own.

Then, the soft _ding_ sound of his notification shakes Chanyeol off from his reverie, notifying the wifi is successfully connected to his laptop. Clicking on the Skype icon, he scans through his contact list before finding what he’s searching. With a deep breath and a few adjustments on his hair and t-shirt to make himself look presentable, he clicks on the video call option on someone’s contact information.

After a little less than one minute waiting, the video call is finally connected and the screen shows him a person he has known so well for ten years. So, confidently Chanyeol starts, “Good morning, Mr. Byun. Can I talk with you and Mrs. Byun? I have something to discuss about my future with your son, Baekhyun.”

That night, Chanyeol went back to sleep next to Baekhyun, who happily snuggles back into his hug, with a rush of emotions in his heart and a promise to be the man who will fight for Baekhyun’s honor, who will be the hero Baekhyun has been dreaming of.

***

**November 16th, 2016  
Seoul, South Korea  
01.59 AM**

The night is still and quiet, with no nocturnal sounds to be heard.

The air seems to breathe frost, making the night a tad bit freezing despite the heater turned on at the corner of the bedroom—the place at where Baekhyun is currently sleeping soundlessly, curled up into a ball of blankets and pillows. He stirs in his sleep for a few times before he finally goes awake from the low drop of temperature. Shivering slightly, his eyes search the dimly lit room, only to find he’s alone.

Baekhyun remembers having a sleepy and clingy Chanyeol snuggling his head on the space between his chest and left arm despite Baekhyun being the smallest one, while mumbling soft breath that sounded familiarly like _my baby Baekhyunnie is so soft I’m going to live in your neck dip forever._ That’s just Chanyeol’s favorite thing to do whenever he’s too tired to properly say his usual ritual of cooing and kissing him before bed. And now he knows why he’s awake now—with his sleepy and clingy Chanyeol who’s usually his best and warmest blanket is gone, he feels the night's cold bite again. But he doesn’t know where the tall man is—so, detective mode activated, it is.

Baekhyun looks over to his—Chanyeol’s—t-shirt. It’s a bit damp at some places, he’s sweating so much these days even when the weather isn’t that hot. He sees the duvet crumpled on his feet at the lower side of the bed—he probably kicked it out from the heat he felt after Chanyeol tucked him in. Then he decides to continue his search for Chanyeol as he gets up and puts on his slippers, while trying to find his way towards the bedroom door.

Somehow, his attention drifts away to the lone beam of white light casted from the windows, with both curtains opened to let the moonlight in. So he decides to walk to the ceiling high windows, feet stepping on the white line of the moonlight pasted on darkened carpeted bedroom floor, just as if he’s walking on a bridge made of light.

It’s a bright, full moon night, Baekhyun observes.

 _It’s your personal favorite type of night_ , Chanyeol once said to him. For that Baekhyun asked how did he know that particular fact without him telling about it, but Chanyeol just shrugged with his lopsided smile and said that he guessed because whenever it’s full moon night Baekhyun always spend more time sitting on the plush seat near their bedroom windows, and that Baekhyun looks so serene, at peace, eyes shining brightly to mirror the moonlight, as if he’s having a heart-to-heart talk with the moon, transferring wordless thoughts and unfathomable feelings.

Baekhyun had no words to reply at that, Chanyeol is just really that observant, always knowing his every nook and cranny, like he has a photographic memory of this complex map called Byun Baekhyun. It’s another value that he adores from Chanyeol.

He then walks back and looks around the vacant bedroom; the shadows of the trees outside dancing on the floor and the baby blue colored walls seem so pale under the room’s condition of semi darkness. Not long after, his eyes find the bedroom doorknob, and when he’s just about to push the bedroom door open, he hears someone playing the piano outside.

It’s Chanyeol. Though Baekhyun hasn’t seen who is sitting on the piano stool, his ears tell him so.

The melodies are new, he almost couldn’t recognize the tunes if it weren’t for him to know the delicate stroke of emotions in Chanyeol’s plays. These new tunes bestow something across the air, like a message, an overture. He glances at the countertop clock sitting on the small plain table beside their bed. It reads 2.11 AM. What is Chanyeol doing, playing the piano at this time of the morning? He knows Chanyeol is a heavy sleeper and would trade anything for a sufficient amount of sleep, so he knows something is up if Chanyeol is awake at two in the morning.

Slowly Baekhyun finally manages to open the bedroom door wide, letting the strong melodies of the piano come along tickling his senses, lulling him into the sense of calm, like a cat curling into its owner. He pauses for a moment before deciding to call out for Chanyeol.

“Yeol?” He doesn’t realize how raspy his voice is before calling out for Chanyeol, while chuckling to himself a little bit remembering the other day when Chanyeol said he loves that after-sleep raspy voice of his.

There is no reply and the melodies don’t stop, but it changes into much softer, reassuring tunes.

Baekhyun takes some steps towards the living room, where Chanyeol insisted to put his Imperial Bösendorfer grand piano at. Two years into living together in their apartment, Chanyeol told him he wanted to have a grand piano just so that when people come to their place, he’d be able to entertain them with some nice piano plays.

Being a skilled pianist, Chanyeol encouraged him to learn how to play the piano. _Just so our hands can also dance on the black and white tiles of the piano,_ is what Chanyeol said to him. Chanyeol then taught him the third and the most famous movement of Claude Debussy’s 1890 _Suite Bergamasque_ , L. 75: III. _Clair de Lune_ , that Chanyeol had later said fits Baekhyun as it means _the light of the moon_.

Baekhyun remembers that lead to them talking more about classical music, his favorite genre. They talked about one of Baekhyun’s favorite piece: Gustav Holst’s 1914 seven movement orchestral suite _The Planets_ Op. 32. Each movement is intended to convey ideas and emotions associated with the influence of the planets on the psyche, so as a Taurus he gets the second movement, the sublime _Venus, Bringer of Peace_ and as a Sagittarius Chanyeol gets the fourth movement, the centrepoint of the suite _Jupiter, Bringer of Jollity_. Upon listening to the pieces, Chanyeol commented how their assigned movements seemed to perfectly fit each other—Baekhyun’s is comforting as if it provides the answer to the rocky and tormenting beginning of life, while Chanyeol’s is as brash and outspoken as a young man in the prime of life.

Since then, the piano became Baekhyun’s fingers’ playground along with Chanyeol’s fingers, and classical music became their best friend as they play together on Chanyeol’s Imperial Bösendorfer grand piano at their living room.

And that is where Chanyeol is, with all of his sturdy torso and long extremities grace, sitting on the piano stool. His back slightly hunched, head lowered quite close at times his nose almost touched the piano keys, eyes closed as he slowly shakes his head alongside the tunes he’s playing. Chanyeol is only wearing his shorts, a plain black t-shirt and a messy bed phthalo blue hair, but to Baekhyun, Chanyeol looks like a maestro.

Baekhyun leans to the wall with his hands folded on his chest, watching Chanyeol play and enjoying his private show, before he decides to play a bit with Chanyeol. He steps closer silently, paying attention not to make a sound, before closes his distance with Chanyeol just so he can put his mouth in the same level as the tall man’s big ear and says, “Hey.”

There’s a loud shriek coming from Chanyeol and a string of loud noise of the piano as he falls on top of the piano keys.

“Oh my god! Hyunnie! Don’t startle me like that—oh my god I almost had a heart attack—” Chanyeol groans weakly, as he clumsily tries to stand up from the piano stool he’s sitting on. The chord sheets on his hands that he tried to grab before falling are flying in every direction, and he's so fast to collect them all and hug it close to his chest. Baekhyun can’t see these yet…

Looking at Chanyeol being clumsy with his long limbs trying to get up and sit back on the piano stool, Baekhyun chuckles. “Sorry, Yeol. It’s just I love the way you’re so transfixed into your play, and you looked so endearing. I can’t help it.”

Baekhyun doesn’t tell how besides from that, he also wants to get back at Chanyeol. Chanyeol is actually the one who loves shocking him with the _hey_ trick, and there was one time when he almost slipped on the bathroom floor because Chanyeol snuck into the bathroom when he thought he was home alone and said a deep _hey_ that made him jump, thinking Chanyeol was a thief or a murderer coming to get him. Chanyeol explained he said _hey_ in a flirty way, he wanted to surprise him with maybe some bathroom sex, but the plan obviously backfired and resulted in him throwing a brick of soap at Chanyeol, and the tall man only cackled amusedly while trying to dodge the soap bullet.

“It’s fine Hyunnie, I’m just a little bit shocked, really.” Chanyeol laughs a bit nervously, once in a while checking whether the chord sheets in his hands are safe from Baekhyun’s prying eyes. He has been working on perfecting his secret plan for Baekhyun, and that’s why he’s working on it in the dead of night, redacting his rare time of sleeping. Then he scoots aside to the left, patting the space left on the piano stool as a gesture for Baekhyun to sit next to him.

“Sorry, Yeol,” Baekhyun says again, as he gladly sits on the right side of the piano stool next to Chanyeol, whose arms immediately wrap itself up around his body, pulling him closer. The tunes he just heard Chanyeol playing are so nice, and honestly, listening to the songs Chanyeol wrote makes him want to be a part of Chanyeol’s symphony. “So, what are you doing this early?”

“Just woke up in the middle of the night, saw your sleeping face and suddenly I got struck all over again by my overwhelming love for you.” Chanyeol replies easily, smirking as he puts aside his music sheets, hiding it from view. He’s saying the truth though—Baekhyun is the melody base, the main tune, and the words of every song he wrote… his muse.

“Oh really?” Baekhyun lets out an amused laugh. This is his dose of Chanyeol and his sweet words for him that, as always, keeps him awake even at four in the morning, that cups of caffeine doses can’t even beat. “Your love for me got you ended up in the piano?”

“Almost correct,” Chanyeol smiles. After thinking hard in a few seconds, to tail off Baekhyun’s suspicion, and to prevent Baekhyun from knowing his real intention of being awake and playing the piano when he’s supposed to be sleeping, he finally gets an idea. “I just feel like playing one of the many pieces that reminds me of you. Erik Satie’s _Je te veux_.”

Baekhyun can feel his cheeks radiating more heat. The classical piece created in 1902 by the French composer is the one Chanyeol played for him on their first anniversary. Moreover, the tall man somehow was able to get to play the piece as an added act of the university’s recital at the main auditorium. Only after he bought some nice lunch bento boxes for the auditorium staffs that Chanyeol managed to bribe to tell no soul—especially him—about how he did it, he found out that Chanyeol did it with his charming smiles, kind self and ever-growing connections of people. The tall man planned it all with his friends, talked with his professors, asked for the help of the orchestra student members and even consulted the staffs for the place’s usage schedule since months before; which explains the fond looks aforementioned people gave him before the D-day.

Chanyeol grins. He remembers the day when he was allowed to join the Kyunghee Symphony Orchestra and Cantata for a day—it was so hard to get his professors’ permission, but his nearly perfect grades and seven months of working as the class assistant secured him a place. It was all hard work but he’s used to give his all for Baekhyun, and still is, until now. He’s sure Baekhyun also remembers the exact same memory, judging by the way Baekhyun looks down to hide his shy smile. “You still remember the movement, right?”

“Of course I do.” Baekhyun chuckles. How can he forget when Chanyeol, who was widely known in Kyunghee’s College of Music as the only student who taught himself by ear to play at least five different music instruments, a band member with dexterous hands that also could recreate classical compositions with such finesse, made the full auditorium felt like there were only the two of them in the place by the way he never took his eyes off of his, saying _This is for you, Hyunnie_ before his hands play to perfectly resurrect the love Mr. Satie planted into the piece?

“Alright, let’s see if you’re honest,” Chanyeol says, feigning a skeptical look. Then he smirks. “What does _Je te veux_ mean then?”

It’s a simple French sentence that Baekhyun is sure Chanyeol knows he understands, so it’s no wonder he frowns a little bit at the question. Trying to figure out what Chanyeol is up to, he starts, “Yeol that’s an easy—”

“I can’t hear you.” Chanyeol singsongs, teasing Baekhyun and playing a few piano notes as he does so.

“Okay,” Baekhyun chuckles, giving in. He knows how Chanyeol is always up to something, but it’s two in the morning so his mind is still sleep-ridden and unable to work on a reasonable thought. “I want you.”

Only a second after Baekhyun lets out the last syllable and realizes what’s really happening, Chanyeol gets there first. “I’m all yours, baby,” he laughs, enjoying Baekhyun’s amused look directed at him. “All of me wants all of you, too. Even more than that, don’t worry.”

“Yeol.” Baekhyun breathes out, smiling softly at the grinning man in front of him for a moment, inspecting how happy Chanyeol is just from that, before he laughs along with him. Tiny but meaningful surprises, in form of jokes that always make him smile and laugh like these, is only one out of millions of reasons why he loves Chanyeol, so much.

Chanyeol chuckles, if people believe coffee is what can help them pull an all-nighter, to him it’s Baekhyun’s ever-radiant smile even though it’s two in the morning. Then he decides to tell Baekhyun about his idea. “Okay then, let our fingers dance, shall we?”

They love doing this: learning a piano composition, mastering it and playing it together until they're so good they can play with one hand each, usually his left hand with Baekhyun’s right hand. Sometimes they switch hands, gaining them the ability to play ambidextrously. Even people call them _having the same mind_ by how they’re able to play compositions flawlessly and very much synchronized even with only each of their hand that’s playing on the piano.

“Yeol, it’s thirty past two in the morning, aren’t you sleepy?” Baekhyun chuckles, reaching to cup Chanyeol’s cheeks as a trick to coax his giant baby back to sleep.

“No I’m not! Well, maybe a little bit…” Chanyeol says, automatically closing his eyes at the touch of Baekhyun’s hands on his cheeks that is always warm and make him sleepy. The soft but tender touches Baekhyun always gives him, be it a hand on his skin or loving words and gestures that make its way to stay forever in his heart, is only number nth out of the unending list of why he loves Baekhyun, so much.

But then Chanyeol opens his eyes again. “Wait… _Scared_ , Byun?” he teases, using his favorite Harry Potter punchline that Malfoy said to Potter, smirking. He knows Baekhyun is trying to make him feel drowsy, like the small man knows precisely how easily influenced he is to his dainty hands gently caressing his cheeks.

Realizing Chanyeol sees through his intention and knowing exactly the next line Potter delivered for Malfoy thanks to Chanyeol using it all the time, Baekhyun smirks back as he replies with the same amount of enthusiasm. “ _You wish_ , Park.”

So then they get themselves ready with their hands on the piano keys as they chuckle and talk a while about their reenactment of what Chanyeol said is the best scene in Harry Potter’s second movie. With Chanyeol counting down, at the last cue they finally start playing the first notes of Satie’s _Je te veux_ , with Chanyeol’s right foot holding down the pedal. Having playing it for numerous of times, it made their hands move smoothly in perfect sync and not missing a beat even for once.

They love this particular piece because of the way it starts with an almost inaudible whispers of gentle tunes before going up to blast a full parade of happy melodies. Their favorite part is the way there are notes that should be played in a loud and teasing manner that prompts them to laugh, but then a note later, it comes back down to soft presses of the piano keys that brings heartfelt feelings into their hearts—perfectly resembling how roller coaster goes, or how _fun_ living love every day is for them.

Clearing his throat once, Chanyeol smiles and starts to sing as he glances over to look at Baekhyun’s face, with his fingers deftly moving its way seamlessly on the piano keys. “J’ai compris ta détresse, cher amoureux, et je cède à tes vœux, loin de nous la sagesse.”

_I understand your distress  
Dear lover  
And I yield to your wishes  
We are far from moderation_

Baekhyun smiles back as he turns his head to look at Chanyeol, remembering the time when they learned together the French words and laughed at how ridiculous they sounded trying to perfect the pronunciation with their nasal voices. But now, he hears how Chanyeol sings it beautifully and perfectly as if he’s fluent in the language. So then he harmonizes and sings along with Chanyeol. “Plus de tristesse, j’aspire à l’instant précieux où nous serons heureux.”

_And further yet from sadness  
I long only for the precious moment when we will be happy_

Again Chanyeol glances to his side, this time seeing the way Baekhyun is smiling and has this cute concentrated face with his eyes following their fingers’ dance across the black and white tiles. It’s such a beautiful view to witness, to the point he completely takes off his eyes from the piano keys only to focus on Baekhyun’s face. Then as they look into each other’s eyes, smiling wide, together they sing, “Je te veux.”

_I want you_

Noticing Chanyeol’s fond eyes are trained on him, Baekhyun gets an idea. Slowly but sure he moves his head closer to Chanyeol’s, maintaining an act like he’s still keeping his focus on the piano. Right when Chanyeol’s index finger accidentally presses the wrong key, he turns his head as fast as he can and steals a kiss from the tall man.

Then Baekhyun continues singing, like the surprise kiss he just gave is nothing, only grinning and looking into nowhere but Chanyeol’s eyes. Then he continues his singing, “Je n’ai pas de regrets, et je n’ai qu’une envie, près de toi là tout près, vivre toute ma vie.”

_I have no regret  
And only one desire  
Near to you, as close as I can be  
Living all my life_

The sudden sloppy kiss from Baekhyun stops Chanyeol’s fingers from continuing his play. He can only look at Baekhyun with admiration, completely captivated by the surprise kiss and the way he can hear Baekhyun sings the French words with love for him only. “Hyunnie—”

“What?” Baekhyun asks, feigning oblivious to what he just did as he takes control of the piece and continues playing its frisky notes with both of his hands. Then he laughs at Chanyeol’s wide-eyed, surprised face. “You played a wrong key, Yeol.”

Coming down from his bewitched state, Chanyeol whistles. “Is that what I get if I played a wrong key?” He laughs along with Baekhyun, amused by how effortless Baekhyun can be in spellbinding him with his many charms. “I’ll start getting all my plays wacky from now on, then.” He teases and starts playing along with Baekhyun again, but this time in a purposeful off-key manner.

“Hey!” Baekhyun yelps, turning his head, distracted by Chanyeol’s sudden attack. Chuckling, he tries to swat away Chanyeol’s hand with his elbow while trying as much as he can to keep on playing the piano. “Don’t turn my weapon into yours—”

Right at that second, Baekhyun misplaces his ring finger and hits the wrong key, and Chanyeol is quick to steal back a kiss on Baekhyun’s lips, not forgetting to give the lower counterpart of the lips he loves the most a playful but gentle bite. “Oops, I just did that.”

Then Chanyeol continues singing as he plays the notes again—correctly this time—while scooting closer to a stunned but smiling Baekhyun. “Que mon corps soit le tien, e ta lèvre la mienne, que ton coeur soit le mien, et que toute ma chair soit tienne.”

_So that your body is mine  
So that my lips are pressed by yours  
So that your heart is mine  
And that my body is pressed to yours_

Now it’s Baekhyun’s turn to stare in shock and awe at Chanyeol, who’s now grinning so wide at him and playing again the jolly notes of the piece with such ease. And to him, even in the dimmest and darkest side of the night Chanyeol still looks so, so handsome. Then he smiles warmly as he starts to continue singing and playing the piece’s cheerful notes again with his handsome tall man.

The reason Chanyeol scooted closer to Baekhyun is actually to press his body to Baekhyun’s, to kiss Baekhyun’s smiling lips again and to add smooches specifically to color up Baekhyun’s bulging cheeks—gladly and without asked demonstrating the French words he’s singing.

Together they laugh and sing, swaying their bodies to follow the rhythm their fingers are creating, smiling at each other as their hands do a waltz in the piano’s dance floor. “Oui je vois dans tes yeux, la divine promesse, que ton coeur amoureux, vient chercher ma caresse.”

_Yes, I can see in your eyes  
The divine promise  
That your heart is in love  
Come find my caresses_

Singing the words and seeing Chanyeol’s bright smile reminds Baekhyun of the quiet dawn and the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise that’s followed by the sun ascending to its throne in the horizon with its parade of loud daylight. A beautiful sight to behold…

As the song comes to a close, their voices melt together with the melodies they’re playing, with their eyes looking intently into each other’s as if it’s the only thing they want to do. “Enlacés pour toujours, brûlant des mêmes flammes, dans un rêve d’amour, nous échangerons nos deux âmes.”

_Entwined, forever  
Burning the same flames  
In a dream of love  
We will exchange our souls_

Playing the notes and looking at Baekhyun’s eyes reminds Chanyeol of steady waves of the ocean on the shore—luring him into its soothing depth and returns him back into the safety of sands on the beach where with Baekhyun he built their home of sandcastles. A view surely is permanently painted on his mind…

Even when the song ended already, they continue to play, repeating the piece again. Once in a while Chanyeol steals kisses from Baekhyun again even when the latter doesn’t hit the wrong key. But the receiving end of the kisses secretly takes pleasure in the smooches, even stopping their play just to return the tall man’s kisses deeply.

“Anyway, why are you up so early?” Chanyeol returns the initial question Baekhyun asked him, after they’re settled playing _Je te veux_ for a few times just for fun—and for more of the kisses too, of course.

“Oh, I woke up and I heard your piano plays,” Baekhyun replies as the melody Chanyeol played when he watched him from far away whispers into his head, resurfacing on his mind as if teasing him to find out more. What could the melody be… Then he remembers what he found after he woke up. “Oh also. I was watching the moonlight. It shines through our windows.” He says, while humming and tiptoeing his fingers on the piano keys again to form _Je te veux_ ’s refrain part.

“I’m sorry Hyunnie, if I woke you up,” Chanyeol apologizes immediately, as he silently hopes Baekhyun doesn’t hear much of the piece he was playing that will spoil his surprise. Then, to divert Baekhyun’s attention, he flashes a knowing smile. “Oh, so you’re looking at the moon again, then. Your twin.”

“My twin?” Baekhyun tilts his head like a puppy asking for food to his owner. He actually knows why Chanyeol thinks of the moon as his twin, because they talked about it years ago, and they even got the tattoos of it on their wrists. But he just wants to listen to Chanyeol talking about the reasons, since every word always sounds better spoken by Chanyeol.

“Yeah, because just like the world has the moon to shed a light upon them when the sun comes home, I have you as my moonlight, the one that shines the brightest through the darkness of night.” Chanyeol replies simply, as he snakes his arms around Baekhyun’s body again, pulling the tall man closer to him. He knows what Baekhyun wants him to say, as it’s the meaning behind the tattoo drawn on his wrist.

Hearing the right answer spoken word by word from Chanyeol’s mouth, Baekhyun knows he was right, it does sound better when Chanyeol said it out loud. Now he wants to see if Chanyeol still remembers his own part, so he asks again to test him, maybe adding a misleading hint. “And you must be the sun, since you’re taller, bigger and mightier than me, who’s willing to die every night for the moon to rise?”

“That’s too predictable, it takes all the fun, doesn’t it? And a sun can never be with the moon all the time, if I’m the sun then I can’t be with you. So, no.” Chanyeol replies, unwrapping his right hand to tap lightly on Baekhyun’s arms, as if playing an invisible piano.

Baekhyun is taken aback for a second, Chanyeol has never said that before. But he knows with Chanyeol, he will always find pleasant surprises when he’s least expecting it. It also seems like Chanyeol does remember the message behind his tattoo, but he still needs to confirm it. So, with a mix of anticipation and excitement building in him, he takes Chanyeol’s hand and smiles. “Then… you are?”

Chanyeol’s gaze travels up from their linked hands to Baekhyun’s eyes. Without hesitation, he replies, “I’m your sky full of stars. I’m always there, everywhere around you.”

***


	2. Chapter 2

**November 26th, 2016  
** Seoul, South Korea  
11.11 AM 

The first snow of winter falls today.

People are out, welcoming the breezy wind and falling ice crystals, and to say goodbye to the dry days of fall and colorful leaves of autumn. Some taking their phones out to capture the first batches of milky white snow coming down from up above, others are just out there to admire the beauty of how it slowly covers everything in perfect white. Little kids running out from the daycare with their teachers overwhelmed by their over excited and enthusiastic pupils, seeing the first snow of the year slowly one by one poking them in their noses.

From his seat, Baekhyun reaches his hands out towards his office’s windows’ direction. How much he would pay just to be able to go outside, grab a cup of hot chocolate and enjoy the cold sensation of the snowflakes on his fingertips. But a new change of design plan from a fussy client forces him to stay inside to finish the deadline before five in the afternoon today, and probably with only the homemade nutella banana sandwich he and Chanyeol made this morning for their lunch. Sucks.

Not even the classical compositions playing from his music player that's currently playing the dreamy tunes of the first movement from Edvard Grieg’s Peer Gynt Suite No. 1 Op. 46, _Morning Mood_ —a piece Chanyeol loves to play for them in the morning that usually works in building a serene ambience—can help in getting rid of the badgering boredom that has been pestering him in the last few hours.

To drown his longing of going outside, Baekhyun decides to inspect the final sketch he made again—it was approved two days ago, but sent back again because the client changed their mind and wants more _details and colors_ when their initial request says _plain and simple_ , which he made as such—when a series of soft knockings makes him to stop cramming his eyes at the design. It’s probably a coworker, so without moving an inch he answers. “Yes, come in.”

Used to the idea of when someone says that then the door would open and et cetera, of course Baekhyun is confused at the absence of whatever behind the door coming in, even after he welcomed them in but a minute passes with them still knocking. Oh—maybe his voice isn’t loud enough. He tries again. “Uh, yes, come in?”

This time, Baekhyun only has patience enough to wait for fifteen seconds, his head thinking of whoever pulls this plot on him really has no idea he has so much to work on—this absolute imbecile putting up a childish stunt, completely not thinking about others, such immature egoist—he’s ready to give his most piercing look as he marches to the door, turning the doorknob in vigor—an angry _what_ ready to be spat out—

“Hello, baby.”

Baekhyun almost hates the way the soft wind created from his irritated swing of the door on the tall man standing in front of him makes the man’s phthalo blue hair to be ruffled in a manner a model always does in a photoshoot—it’s not fair at how the simplest thing of a simplest event makes him so handsome, and makes his own heart race faster in the most pleasant way. Now he can’t get mad anymore at the sight of the wide smile the man shows him. “Chanyeol?”

By a call of his name, promptly Chanyeol brings up a red rectangular, medium sized bag—his own lunch bag—and a tall thermos bottle to the front of their faces and invites himself in. “Surprise lunch delivery for the ever mesmerizing Mr. Byun Baekhyun,” he announces with a proud smirk. After a second glance at Baekhyun’s face he adds, “And a currently infuriated one.”

Knowing all too well he can never win against Chanyeol’s tricks, Baekhyun only snorts at the tall man’s last comment. Even so, he returns the smile as he closes the door behind them. “What are you doing here, Yeol?”

It’s not like their routine, because: one, Chanyeol usually comes to his office with a notice, even though this time it’s a surprise so it’s normal for him not to give warning, of course. Two, ninety-nine percent of the time Chanyeol visits him, he’s either to kidnap him somewhere or smuggle him out somehow successfully under Junmyeon’s watchful eagle eyes. His mind flies off for a moment to the many times Chanyeol has been giving him surprises in any form imaginable, and to that time when Chanyeol sang Mr. Sinatra’s song for him… so it’s only right to think how this one can be something hidden the sudden surprise.

“It’s lunchtime and I have time to go back home to prepare more food for us while I’m on a two-hour break from working a composition,” Chanyeol steers Baekhyun to sit on his chair, and starts to prepare the utensils he prepared for their lunch date as the latter watches, smiling. “This is Park Chanyeol at your service.”

“I have my own private lunch service and it’s my boyfriend? Sweet.” Baekhyun teases, earning a laugh from Chanyeol, who’s currently tidying up Baekhyun’s desk and moving the papers and books into the shelves.

Before Baekhyun could correct his double entendre, Chanyeol snatches his chance. “You can have your sweet boyfriend right here,” he says with the right amount of sensuousness added to his deep husky voice, hands gesturing towards his whole body and winking as he keeps his gaze on Baekhyun’s eyes, “As your breakfast, lunch and dinner anytime, baby.”

To the line Chanyeol just said with a flirty smirk, Baekhyun bursts out laughing. Of course, it’s his Chanyeol, what does he expect? “Okay, that’s enough. Thank you for the explicit details, Mr. Park.”

“Welcome, baby.” Chanyeol ends his show by blowing a kiss at Baekhyun’s direction that makes the small man to reply with a gesture of holding his chest with a smile as if he’s shot by a love arrow on his heart. Then he’s back to business, serving their lunch.

“I’ve got your lunch covered,” Chanyeol says brightly, now moving to unfold the napkin and tucking it on Baekhyun’s lap, open the lunch boxes to reveal the dish he made for them and pour the chocolate blend he brought from their apartment into two ceramic mugs Baekhyun keeps in his office. “And your favorite hot chocolate too.”

“Oh wow, berry fruits oatmeal!” Baekhyun stares delightedly at the lunch boxes, which are filled with rolled oatmeal, chia seeds, blueberries, strawberries, golden raspberries and blackberries. At the sight of the delicately arranged menu and its sweet, sugary aroma, he’s suddenly ravenous and helps himself with a big spoonful. “This isn’t an orthodox lunch, but it’s exactly what I want. Are you reading my mind, Yeol?”

Casually Chanyeol shrugs as he places both mugs in front of them on Baekhyun’s desk and pulls out spoons for them. When he sees Baekhyun grinning and starting to dig in, he replies, “Just saw your mouth watering at an oatmeal commercial in the TV two nights ago.”

Then Chanyeol sits himself with his right hand propping his face on the arm of the chair he’s sitting on, watching Baekhyun eat with an expression of smug, satisfied and fond mixed into one. He feels so happy even from just seeing Baekhyun’s cheeks bulging from getting stuffed with food while concentrating on spooning more oatmeal and berries into his mouth.

After listening to the answer Chanyeol gave him, Baekhyun stops munching on his oatmeal, surprised. Looking up from his lunch box, he paused for a moment—there it is, _that_ look on Chanyeol’s face, the look that gets him so smitten with the tall man—he swears he almost dropped his spoon. But then he sees Chanyeol’s smile turning into a grin at his response. So to hide his shy smile, without much thinking he jokes, “Oh, should I just touch a Swarovski sprinkled watch or stare at a limited edition Harley Davidson motorbike later on?”

Eyes on Baekhyun’s, knowing exactly the effect of his grin on Baekhyun from the way he can see the small man’s mouth is half opened and hand suddenly suspended midair, with a playfully mischievous smile Chanyeol then replies simply, “If it makes you happy—which of course makes me happy as well—then think of it as a done deal.”

Now, having wanted to take a sip after the sudden weird thirst coming from seeing Chanyeol’s killer look, this time Baekhyun almost choked on his hot chocolate at Chanyeol’s reply to his attempt at a supposed joke. Acting like an unbothered multimillionaire that he is, is such a Chanyeol thing to do; which actually reminds him of that one time he was just saying in a passing that he wanted a decent pocket-sized digital camera and on his birthday, among other gifts Chanyeol gave him, there it was, a Ricoh GR II camera sitting on top of the gifts. And this doesn’t happen only once, but only now he realized this. “Really, how many surprise do you have for me, Yeol?”

Chanyeol laughs, while taking time to dab some tissue on the corner of Baekhyun’s mouth where a strip of oat was sticking. “I have lots,” he simply replies again, this time making Baekhyun’s eyes to pop out wide. It’s true, this lunch is just an intro to his much bigger plan. “But for now, it’s in the form of the tasty cocoa powder and a touch of honey I added.”

Baekhyun chuckles at that, but then he quickly spoons himself another mouthful of the oatmeal, wanting to taste what Chanyeol just mentioned since he knows how good Chanyeol is when it comes to cooking. Not long after, he hums in delight. “I thought I imagined it but you did add them, and it’s mixing well with the plain Greek yogurt and almond milk I tasted. It’s so nice, Yeol. Thank you.”

Chanyeol beams, smiling even wider. If he were ever told to pick his second favorite Baekhyun after a happy Baekhyun, it’s to be a happily eating Baekhyun. “You’re welcome, Hyunnie. Now, drink your hot chocolate, let’s see if you can recognize another surprise I put in it too.”

This time Baekhyun takes a proper sip on his hot chocolate, enjoying the mildly hot liquid as it slides down his throat. “Ah! This is my favorite,” he slowly smacks his tongue to find the pure taste, while lapping at the residue left on his lips with a slight wipe with the tip of his tongue before he takes a guess. “I sense some hazelnut flavor… am I right?”

Chanyeol smiles, chuckling at the chocolate foam moustache on Baekhyun’s upper lip that he immediately brushes off with his thumb. “It’s Borneo cocoa powder, dairy creamer, malt extract from Barley grains, and… correct! I added fine grinds of hazelnut. Our favorite, to be exact.”

Baekhyun hums, sipping more of the hazelnut richness in the hot chocolate brew, smiling into his mug. He loves the way Chanyeol is always spoiling him, making him food and beverages he likes, and even making him feel like he’s the only one in the world just by the gentle touch of his fingers on his lips.

After they finished their lunch—with mostly Chanyeol watching Baekhyun eat, giving a third of his portion for Baekhyun to eat and brushing the leftover crumbs on Baekhyun’s cheeks—thermos bottle empty and lunch boxes back to its squeaky clean state, Chanyeol speaks up. “Let’s go out.”

“Can’t, Yeol.” Baekhyun gestures at the papers stacked on his shelves and the abandoned design plan he set aside when Chanyeol arrived. Then he stares longingly at the window, the wind is now making the falling snow swirling like hands waving at him, teasing him for staying inside at such a beautiful day.

“But I got Junmyeon hyung’s permit,” Chanyeol says proudly as he pats his jacket’s pocket, already standing up to clasp their hands together and drag Baekhyun to the door. It’s time to start phase one of his plan. “Let’s go!”

Chuckling as he gets pulled up from his seat, Baekhyun squints his eyes at Chanyeol suspiciously. “Are you really—”

Without answering the unfinished question, Chanyeol’s hands are quick to drape Baekhyun’s hanged wool cashmere Chesterfield coat onto Baekhyun’s shoulders, before sliding Baekhyun’s arms into the sleeves. Then with a mischievous smirk he replies, “Not really, but it’s first snow, we can’t miss this! Junmyeon hyung won’t notice anyway, it’s lunchtime!”

And so Baekhyun lets himself getting dragged out from his office room, smiling a little bit. Rebelling against Junmyeon is one of Chanyeol’s favorite things to do when he comes visiting to his office, and of course it becomes his favorite as well—can you really say no to someone as caring as Park Chanyeol who brings you lunch boxes and constantly trying to find ways to make you happy?

They walk on tiptoe all the way to the main doors of the building, ducking once in a while behind the cubicles of Baekhyun’s coworkers, who are confused but used to the two’s stunts, to make sure Junmyeon doesn’t see them.

Once they passed the main doors, the fresh, wintry air says its hello to them by blowing on their faces softly. Then Chanyeol links his arm with Baekhyun’s, putting him under his wings as they look up smiling at the sky, letting the snowflakes gently touch their cheeks.

“Hyunnie,” Chanyeol starts, earning a distracted hum from Baekhyun who currently has his index finger up high in the air, as if to touch the snowflakes gingerly.

“How about we have a walk to the city park?” Chanyeol suggests, eyes still on Baekhyun’s standing tall figure in front of him that’s now flailing his index finger up high towards the sky and to many directions.

“I’m too busy.” Baekhyun replies as he strains his eyes to stare at the falling snow, trying as much as he can to look like he’s unconcerned by the reply he gave. He has something in his mind to make Chanyeol laugh, just as a little thank-you gesture for the lunch surprise. After stealing a side glance at Chanyeol, now he also has to hold back his laughter at the startled puppy look on the tall man’s face.

The contradictory reply to the situation they’re currently in manages to confuse Chanyeol. Without him realizing, slowly he furrows his eyebrows, pouting as he wonders what’s really happening. Then with his hand tugging on Baekhyun’s coat pocket he asks, “But Hyunnie, what happened—” 

“I’m too busy being yours to fall for someone else.” Baekhyun replies swiftly, grinning ear to ear as he turns his head to face Chanyeol. Then he continues to move his pointed index finger at the sky, as if drawing something.

As Chanyeol laughs, in his mind there’s only one thought of how he loves Baekhyun, more than anything. Unconsciously he walks closer to Baekhyun, pulling Baekhyun closer to him as he reaches his hand up to cradle the small man’s face, caressing the soft cheeks. “My own snow that comes down gracefully from the sky to soothe my heart only.”

“For you only.” Baekhyun chuckles as he closes his eyes for a moment to savor Chanyeol’s touch on his face, scrunching his nose in delight with his grin softening into a fond smile. As he holds Chanyeol’s hands that are still rubbing his cheeks gently, in his heart he feels it clearly—how he loves Chanyeol… so much.

Then Baekhyun runs away from Chanyeol to resume his previous activity of waving his hand up in the air, as if saying hello and welcoming winter—chuckling when he hears the tall man whining from the way he broke their hug.

At the sight of his escaping Baekhyun, who now looks exactly like an angel—with his arms as his wings waving up and down, creating a gentle breeze that seems to orchestrate the slow fall of the white snowflakes swirling around him—Chanyeol can only smile.

“Yeol! Look!” Baekhyun suddenly exclaims brightly, with the same wide grin coming back to stay on his face, shoving his index finger for Chanyeol to see the treasure he got. “I got it!”

On the tip of Baekhyun’s index finger, Chanyeol finds a snowflake. “Did you just spend five whole minutes just to look for one? You have it right here, you know,” he laughs, bopping Baekhyun’s nose that’s covered by a few snowflakes. Then he offers his arm for Baekhyun to take. “Let’s go.”

Baekhyun just nods, not telling that he was actually writing their names together on the clouds over and over again, in a way silently asking the skies to always watch over them and keep them safe. Then he locks his hands on Chanyeol’s arm, smiling. “Let’s go.”

The walk is mostly colored with them talking about their day and people watching—Baekhyun will pick a person in front of them and they will guess what kind of job the person has or what does the person is feeling today, that will end up with them laughing from Chanyeol’s ludicrous but clever guesses. They almost made a detour at Kaleidoscope—their favorite place that has a bakery and a coffee café combined—when Baekhyun spots a cheesecake and a strawberry gâteau displayed on the café’s étalage, but Chanyeol’s promise to buy it later smoothed their way.

Then Chanyeol stops their walk right before the intersection, in front of the gate of the city park and with the view of Kaleidoscope café in the opposite side of the sidewalks, before he leads them walking into the city park. The slowly freezing pond and its inhabiting ducks evacuating, the trees and grass looking as if they wear white caps over their heads, people taking photos with the skies spewing snow, and people with their dogs running around and jumping to catch the intriguing white rain that stick to their snouts are the views that greet their eyes.

As soon as they passed the park’s gate, they immediately start a race down to the center of the city park. Baekhyun runs first with both of his hands up in the air, again trying to catch the snow, his egg yolk yellow colored coat billowing behind him from his strides.

Chanyeol unconsciously slows his run before he fully stops, observing the now spinning on his own axis Baekhyun, who with his yellow coat looks like the rotating sun. The sight easily forms a thought in his mind: this is what he wants to see in every second of his life, his Baekhyun being so happy and laughing freely. The person he’s orbiting around in every intake of his breath.

Then Chanyeol walks the rest of his way to Baekhyun, who’s now already making his way to make duck faces at the ducks wagging their tails as they walk. He chuckles, this person—of a high caliber who loves reading Trollope and Dickens, listens to the classical compositions of Tchaikovsky and Dvořák, but is still a kid at heart who’s always so excited at the sight of snow and ducks—this is definitely the person he wants to see for life, and for his many, many lifetime to come.

After Chanyeol stopped his walk right behind Baekhyun, who’s now already moving around to take selfies with the snow, he hugs the small man tightly. His long arms reaching to wrap Baekhyun’s body around his chest, with his hands stopping right on his shoulders, and just like the sun that Baekhyun is… he feels the warmth just from hugging him.

Having seen the incoming Chanyeol behind him, Baekhyun scoots closer into Chanyeol’s body and changes the angle of his phone to fit Chanyeol in the frame before snapping a photo. “Another first snow photo of us to add into the collection.”

“See, I told you we can’t miss this.” Chanyeol chuckles, with one hand reaching up to gently brush Baekhyun’s cheeks where a few snowflakes have found their way to fall upon.

“Thank you, Yeol. This is exactly what I need,” Baekhyun sighs, turning his body around to hug Chanyeol properly and bury himself in Chanyeol’s embrace, with his head resting on Chanyeol’s chest and arms slipping under Chanyeol’s oversized Levi’s Trucker denim jacket. “You and this.”

“Welcome, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol smiles. In their current position, he loves the way his nose rests exactly on the crown of Baekhyun’s head, and as he nuzzles into Baekhyun’s hair, he can smell the lemon shampoo the small man uses. And even though winter is arriving, to have Baekhyun with him to have the warmth of summer with him throughout the year. “Hyunnie, you know the time when summer ends and the heat goes away?”

To that, Baekhyun nods, feeling the soft touches of Chanyeol’s lips brushing against his fringe that covered his forehead. His favorite thing about being in Chanyeol’s embrace is the way it seems like he can no longer feel the cold’s bite and has Chanyeol’s warmth wrapping him for always. So he pops his head up again to look at Chanyeol’s eyes, this time being faster than Chanyeol, he adds, “There’s nothing better than having you in my arms.”

“Wait—how do you know what I’m going to say—are you reading my mind, Hyunnie?” Chanyeol chuckles, using the same question Baekhyun uttered back when they had their oatmeal lunch, as he holds Baekhyun’s left cheek in his hand just so he can see the small man’s smiling face.

“Just knowing you better than anyone else in the world is all,” Baekhyun replies easily, replying in the same way Chanyeol replied to him back at his office, which earns him Chanyeol’s laugh. Then he burrows himself back into Chanyeol’s hug, this time wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s waist even tighter. “I love first snow, it’s such a great day for a stay in—it should be a national holiday—just so I can cuddle with you under our blankets or watching our favorite movies while having a mug of hot chocolate and a piece of chocolate brownies cake.”

“Don’t worry, Hyunnie. We’ll do that later tonight, after we’re done with work,” Chanyeol chuckles at the sight of Baekhyun turning into a clingy baby panda, with the small man’s fists tugging on the back of his shirt. “How about that? Sounds good?”

“But I really want to go home with you _now_ ,” Baekhyun rants as he blows out a puff of warm breath, creating a slight hazy fog against the cold air. He’s so attracted to the idea of hours cuddling session rather than going back to his office after again feeling how comfortable it is being hugged by Chanyeol. Then unconsciously he pouts. “I don’t want to work on my deadline.”

The way Baekhyun said the word _home_ reminds Chanyeol of a song he and Baekhyun love to listen to in their lazy times on the weekend, while laying on top of another at their bedroom and just exchanging smiles while they share Chanyeol’s earphone buds. So, with one hand still hugging Baekhyun’s body, he pulls out his phone and earphones from his jacket’s inside pocket. With his other free hand he plugged the jack into his phone and one of the earphone buds into Baekhyun’s left ear.

Having his head glued on Chanyeol’s chest to listen to Chanyeol’s heartbeats makes Baekhyun unaware of Chanyeol’s busy hand, so it comes to a shock for him when suddenly something soft protrudes into his ear—an earphone. Craning his head up to check what’s happening, he only sees Chanyeol smiling down at him. “Yeol?”

“It’s me, for you,” Chanyeol whispers, smiling as he plugs the other earphone bud into his ear. Maybe he can’t help much in terms of actually lessening the amount of things to do with Baekhyun’s piling up work, but he hopes what he’s going to do can get Baekhyun some strength for his work. With a soft swipe of his thumb on Baekhyun’s lips, he erases the pout and turns it into a smile by slightly pulling the corners of Baekhyun’s mouth and squeezed the cheeks gently. “For us.”

Even though Baekhyun doesn’t know what Chanyeol is trying to do, but just like always, from the gentle touches of Chanyeol’s fingers on his face and the soothing element of Chanyeol’s voice saying reassuring words… he somehow knows whatever it’ll be, this one is going to be a good one for him to keep in his memories for the longest of time.

Then Chanyeol lowers his hands from Baekhyun’s now smiling face to rest on Baekhyun’s waist, slowly moving them side by side following the jazz rhythm of the song. “This time, you can just listen to me.”

“Okay.” Baekhyun smiles and slides his arms up to circle on Chanyeol’s neck, this way he’s nestled in Chanyeol’s arms that give him warmth and bundled in Chanyeol’s oversized jacket that shields his body from the early winter wind even better than the coat he’s wearing—it feels like home.

Then Chanyeol presses play on his phone’s music player, and not long after Bobby Darin’s 1959 swing jazz song _Beyond the Sea_ softly fills their ears.

_Somewhere beyond the sea_  
Somewhere waiting for me  
My lover stands on golden sands  
And watches the ships that go sailing 

_Somewhere beyond the sea_  
He’s there watching for me  
If I could fly like birds on high  
Then straight to his arms  
I’d go sailing 

For countless of times a song from Chanyeol somehow can lift his spirit again and find more strength to do his work, by the way it reminds Baekhyun of Sunday mornings where he and Chanyeol cuddle on their bed, just doing nothing but smiling at each other while they listen to their favorite songs. Maybe it can’t help him finish the deadline waiting for him, but the feeling is what matters—with it he can do just anything, really.

With Mr. Darin speaking out what is written in his heart for Baekhyun when he has Baekhyun with his arms around his neck, pulling their smiling faces close and giving him a blanket of warmth that reminds him of home, Chanyeol finds something in his mind for Baekhyun—this also can be his mission to make the small man laugh and laugh again. “Do you know where or what home is?”

“I have some idea of its whereabouts, including our apartment’s address, but I know in your mind there’s somewhere else,” Baekhyun hums as he gives a small smile, following the movement of Chanyeol’s body to the song. He’s pretending he doesn’t know solely because he wants to find out what kind of surprise Chanyeol has for him. “Why don’t you tell me and I’ll listen to you?”

“Well, home is many, many things and it’s constantly changing, but let me tell you my most important secret. Home is…” Chanyeol replies right away, voicing out the thoughts that always linger in his mind every time he thinks of Baekhyun that always make him want to finish his work faster and just go back to their apartment. “You.”

“Me? Really?” Baekhyun asks, again showing faux curiosity as his smile turns into a chuckle. He’s right—there’s always a surprise hidden in everything Chanyeol does for him. “How so?”

“Home is knowing exactly how you’ll sit on our minibar’s high stool, waiting for me to come back every evening, before greeting me with kisses peppered all over my face and giving me breathtaking hugs as soon as I opened our apartment’s door,” Chanyeol starts, arms finding its way again to twine around Baekhyun’s waist, holding him by his sides gently. Then as he laughs, he adds, “As for the last one it’s literally breathtaking since you love to run and jump into my embrace.”

“I remember us knocking down a vase and our shoes rack,” Baekhyun pipes in, laughing as the memory presents itself again in his mind. At first he feels quite guilty about breaking things, but then he doesn’t care much about things or another people around them as long as he has Chanyeol’s arms around him—just like right now. “Or when we ended up on the floor for so many times, knees and elbows bruised but very much happy and in love. It’s definitely home.”

“It’s really our home, told you so,” Chanyeol smiles, already feeling triumphant at how Baekhyun tilts his head back as the small man laughs freely—his mission is going well. “Oh and what you just mentioned, those are definitely exhibit number one and two presented by the culprit itself.”

“Don’t blame me—I love hugging you, okay!” Baekhyun defends himself, half sulking and half chuckling while snuggling his body deeper into Chanyeol’s hug to hide his embarrassment and to proof that he really does love hugging the tall man.

“Home is running for our lives and cackling away with you, to escape our dorm supervisor’s punishment for staying at the rooftop too long until past midnight.” Chanyeol chuckles as he looks down to check on Baekhyun who’s attaching himself again on him, tickling him with the small man’s nose nuzzling into the crook of his shoulder blade and cheeks softly squeezed while gently rubbing them on his chest.

“I remember how when we were almost got caught you left me behind, Yeol,” Baekhyun pipes in again as he finally pops out from his makeshift den in Chanyeol’s arms, pretending to sulk even though he knows why Chanyeol left him running alone at that night, almost guffawing loud at the memory. “I had to go back alone.”

“It’s not my fault you didn’t want me to give you a piggyback ride!” Chanyeol replies vehemently as his laughter vanishes to turn into a pout. At that night he took all of the things they brought out for their nightly picnic time just so Baekhyun could slip back to his room unnoticed. For that he actually got caught and a detention to wash the dishes at the cafeteria, but he doesn’t care, he’d take all kinds of detention as long as it means Baekhyun is alright. So this time it’s his turn to defend himself. “So I decided to leave you just so I can be a distraction to that mad old supervisor man and you can go back to your dorm safely!”

“Yeol, as much as I love getting piggyback rides from you, I don’t want to break your back,” Baekhyun laughs, smirking and pulling his tongue out at Chanyeol. He does remember Chanyeol purposefully letting his tall self to be seen by the dorm supervisor just to let him skulk and pass behind the mad old man, which landed him two weeks’ worth of working at the cafeteria. Then as he softly smiles, he reaches one of his hands to the corner of Chanyeol’s mouth, turning the pout into a smile with his thumb. “I was just joking, Yeol. I know why you did it, so thank you for saving me from getting detention.”

“But I still want to give you piggyback ride, I don’t care if I’m going to have a sore back in the morning, I’ll still carry you,” Chanyeol says, half smiling while still pretending to pout. Now it’s his turn to feign a sulking look as Baekhyun laughs at him and even dares to give him the triumphant sly smirk. But then he smiles since by seeing Baekhyun laughing it means his operation to make Baekhyun happy is successful, and that’s all he wants to know. So after he sees the smirk turning into a soft smile, and Baekhyun’s thumb on his face magically gives him back his smile, he adds, “Let me continue to tell you how much I love you okay?”

“As always, my knight in shining armor,” Baekhyun says as his laughter are reducing into chuckles, going back to listening to the beautiful words Chanyeol is saying for him. Then with one hand still on Chanyeol’s face, he opts for softly brushing the tall man’s blue fringe away from covering his dark cinnamon eyes. “Okay then, go on.”

“Home is walking on any street, holding your hands and having you never letting go of mine,” Chanyeol says, letting go one of his hands from holding Baekhyun’s waist just to take hold of Baekhyun’s hand on his hair, grasping it gently. “Just like when we’re sitting at a café or a restaurant, we’ll have our hands connected, us playing around with our fingers as we hold hands on top of the table while our feet are playing footsie under the table.”

“I do have to hold your hand and be the second navigator, remember when we managed to get lost in the middle of the night market maze in Yokohama’s Chinatown?” Baekhyun laughs again as he intertwines their fingers, returning Chanyeol’s grip on his hand. Chanyeol’s words somehow pull him back to the day when they were doing their favorite hobby of nightly cruising time around Kanagawa Prefecture in another overseas trip they had while visiting Japan.

“Excuse me, but I was the one who can speak Japanese _better_ and got us out of trouble in the end too,” Chanyeol replies quickly, laughing triumphantly and finally having his time to pull his tongue out at Baekhyun. If they’re going to reveal each other’s cards, then so be it. “Besides, who accidentally nudged someone else’s foot at that Italian restaurant we went for our ninth anniversary dinner last year, thinking it was my foot?”

Knowing Chanyeol knows a lot of his embarrassing moments more than he does, Baekhyun gives in. He finally raises up his hands in the manner of defeat and chuckles, “Alright, alright I admit that one was very embarrassing—”

“Park Chanyeol three points and Byun Baekhyun _zero_ point!” Chanyeol shouts loudly as he cackles for a moment, shocking a few kids near them that prompts a blushing Baekhyun to clamp a hand over his mouth with a hushed _shush, Yeol!_ whispered.

“Home is us crying in pain but laughing all the same at our so called bravery while trying the new menu super spicy chicken restaurant down the road,” Chanyeol continues with his cackles reducing into chuckles, and arms back laced around Baekhyun’s waist. “And downing bottles of canned beer while watching your cheeks get read and tipsy when we made a detour on our way back to the apartment to do a late night karaoke.”

“God, Yeol, none of us is good at handling spicy foods. I remember us having to down a liter of cold water each just to ease the stomachache, I was so worried when you said you were in pain and could only curl up into a ball in my hug,” Baekhyun laughs as he plays around with Chanyeol’s fingers and the loose threads on the hem of Chanyeol’s jacket sleeve. Then he pokes a finger on the dip of Chanyeol’s dimples that start to appear from the tall man’s smirking. “And excuse me, but you were the one who fell asleep on me after we finished drinking and singing, so I had to carry you all the way to our apartment.”

“Well… I might have or might not have be able to retrieve the last, specific event you just mentioned from my memory,” Chanyeol chuckles as he tries to evade Baekhyun’s index finger poking at his dimples by kissing the small man’s knuckles instead, while trying to look indifferent at the same time like he doesn’t remember when he actually still does, feeling quite embarrassed at how Baekhyun carried him on his back when it was his plan to give the small man a piggyback ride at first.

“On top of me trying to drag your six feet something tall self, along the walk home you kept on drunkenly shouting to confess how gorgeous I am and how you won big since you were able to take me home.” Baekhyun continues, chuckling at both the ticklish feeling of Chanyeol’s soft lips on his knuckle and the memory of a slurring Chanyeol trying to tell people that passed them _my Hyunnie is so pretty_ while squeezing his cheeks.

“Excuse me, _drunkenly shouting_? It was a declaration of truth—I can be drunk until I can’t get up for days or I can be as sober as when I ate those inhumanely spicy chicken, or even the president of South Korea can be the one who’s drunk—but you, Hyunnie, stay gorgeous no matter what happens to this world,” Chanyeol intervenes hotly, his brows knitted in a strong resolute look and hands shooting up to caress Baekhyun’s cheeks, trying as hard as he can to prove how Baekhyun is beautiful, end of story—not knowing he just blew his cover. “And by each day that passes you only get more handsome, and that’s an indisputable fact.”

“So now you do remember!” Baekhyun laughs, both at the adorable determined look on Chanyeol’s face and at the way Chanyeol tries as hard as he can to prove his statement. And in turn, he also has his hands holding Chanyeol’s face by the cheeks. “But thank you, really. Same compliment goes for my handsome Yeol as well.”

“Home is having my handsome Hyunnie laughing freely with me as we got caught in the rain while we were on our way back to the apartment after having a date at that bakery café next block,” Chanyeol continues, only taking in the compliment and moving on anyway to their next memory even though he’s still laughing at how he just got caught lying. Then he takes hold of Baekhyun’s hand that was trying to pinch his cheeks before putting the palm flat against his cheek, feeling its warmth always so comforting. “And when we decided to just let the water to soak our clothes and play with the water, jumping into puddles.”

“It was on a windy spring day and I remember we had to nurse ourselves, sleepily cooking hot chicken soup at the kitchen and cuddling under layers of blankets because we caught cold right the very next day,” Baekhyun smiles, again playfully squeezing Chanyeol’s cheek with his hand that seems to turn Chanyeol into a giant happy puppy from the way the tall man closes his eyes and his smile grows wider, again showing the dimples. “And remember when Junmyeon hyung came to our apartment and pulled your ears for getting me sick? I still can’t stop laughing at that.”

“Junmyeon hyung loves you more than he loves me, even Minseok hyung too.” Chanyeol huffs. Then he pretends to sulk with his pout coming out again, turning his head away while folding his arms in front of his chest, with the change in position automatically breaks his hug with Baekhyun.

“No worries, Yeol. I love you more than anyone does.” Baekhyun laughs, this time placing his hand on Chanyeol’s jaw to bring Chanyeol’s head back to face him and tugs on Chanyeol’s jacket to make the tall man to hug him again, before resting his arms around Chanyeol’s neck again.

For Chanyeol, the reply from Baekhyun works like a switch that brings smile back into his face, prompting him to let go of his act and pulls Baekhyun back into his embrace, with the soft pull of the small man’s arms around his neck bringing their faces close and their foreheads touching. It’s the best answer there is, everyone in the world can hate him, but it’s okay because he only needs one person to love him—Baekhyun.

_It’s far beyond the stars_  
It’s near beyond the moon  
I know beyond a doubt  
My heart will lead me there soon 

“Do you hear what Mr. Darin is singing about?” Chanyeol asks with his smirk back on his face. To him, Baekhyun really is the embodiment of the moon, for Baekhyun absorbs the good things life offered and has it all turned into his own virtue and excellence in his every act that makes himself just as glowing beautifully with it—just like the way the moon borrows the light the sun shines and reflected it back to make itself just as bright.

“It’s us again,” Baekhyun replies, smiling at the sight of the lopsided smirk on Chanyeol’s face that he learned to love so much since years ago. To him, Chanyeol really does resemble the stars, for the burning passion in everything he does, he gives him light in just how the right ways to live life following what his heart says. “Up in the sky.”

“I still remember my promise for you, I haven’t forgotten about it, and we’ll be there soon.” Chanyeol says. It’s the most important wish he has for Baekhyun and even though he can’t say it for the fear of spoiling the surprise, he hopes Baekhyun knows he never for once let the promise out of his mind.

“There’s no question on how you’ll fulfill every word you gave for me,” Baekhyun replies, hands holding Chanyeol’s nape gently and softly combing the ends of Chanyeol’s hair. Even without Chanyeol saying it out loud, he knows which promise the tall man is talking about, and how from the way Chanyeol is _always_ true to his words in the past ten years, he believes him more than anything. “I know you so well to the point I know you will, and for that… I’m sure we’ll be there soon.”

All the faith and trust Baekhyun put in his hand… those are exactly the things that make Chanyeol wants to proof how he’ll treat Baekhyun with more good things coming their way. And for now, it’s time for another home he and Baekhyun have. So as he smiles gently, he asks, “Want to hear more about our humble abode of a home?”

“Yes please,” Baekhyun replies, chuckling. He’s delighted, wanting to know what explanation of home Chanyeol has for him and hearing all the beautiful words Chanyeol always manages to say for him. But as he pinches Chanyeol’s cheek gently, he decides to tease the tall man instead, wanting to see him pouting cutely again. “Maybe I can spoil more of your most embarrassing, funniest moments too.”

With the prospect of his past silliness brought back, Chanyeol is back with his adorable pout and furrowed eyebrows. “But Hyunnie—”

“Sorry, I meant our happiest memories of our home, please,” Baekhyun cuts off, laughing as he hears Chanyeol prolonging the last syllable of his name cutely and as he finally sees again the cute jut of the lower lip that turns Chanyeol into his giant baby more than anything. “My fluffy giant puppy.”

Suddenly Chanyeol shouts a loud _ah!_ as he cradles Baekhyun’s face with his hands, gently squeezing the chubby cheeks as a feeling of as if he’s going out of his mind in adoration of Baekhyun’s extremely cute and fond look that’s appearing on Baekhyun’s face while the tall man mentioned the nickname. “You know how I can never win against you calling me that. My weak heart is in love all over again!”

“My soft-hearted baby.” Baekhyun coos while mirroring Chanyeol’s gesture by cupping Chanyeol’s cheeks with his hands too, knowing exactly how much Chanyeol dotes on the term of endearment—it’s also his favorite one to call Chanyeol with.

“Home is driving to faraway places for hours that seem to bend and make a detour into only minutes because along the way I’m talking with you just about anything, doing impromptu karaoke with our favorite songs playing,” Chanyeol continues, wide grin showing with a soft look on his face as the result of Baekhyun’s touches on his cheeks while getting called _baby_ by Baekhyun. “Or just watching you falling asleep and making sure I’ll bring your tipped head back to the headrest.”

“Oh I remember when our voices went all hoarse and husky, and our throats got sore after we sang all the way through the long drive to your mum’s house for Christmas last year,” Baekhyun chuckles at the mention of their favorite things to do to spend time during their trips. “And oh! So that’s why I always feel like there’s a hand gently keeping my head upright and someone leaning over me to recline my seat just so I can sleep well. Thank you so much Yeol.”

“Yep, that hand is yours truly’s. Besides, I love seeing you sleep, holding your hand and just taking a glance on your face when the scenery gets boring—I found more beauty in your face, anyway,” Chanyeol smiles as he reaches his hand up to brush away some snowflakes that fell upon Baekhyun’s dark chocolate hair. “And you’re very welcome, anything for you, baby.”

“Home is working at the studio with you helping me, giving opinions and suggesting advices,” Chanyeol continues as he admires the way Baekhyun closes his eyes while smiling and rubbing his cheeks onto his hand. He holds Baekhyun’s objective reviews of his work so highly, because Baekhyun is capable in giving him constructive criticism, honestly telling him which part he needs to work on more and helping him to make his compositions better. But there’s just one more special thing from having the small man’s presence in his studio. “Also, home is having you near me just so I can kiss you anytime I like, which is my favorite thing ever.”

“So you’re only in for my kisses?” Baekhyun pretends to look offended, holding his head up high and eyes rolling to the side. So as he detaches his hands from Chanyeol’s face, he decides to give Chanyeol a counterattack. “Well then, my favorite thing to do when I’m gatecrashing at your studio is just to mess around with you and eat lots of snacks you have in your mini kitchen.”

“So you’re only there for my food I bought for you?” Chanyeol frowns as a hint of a pout comes into view on his face. Without Baekhyun’s hands somehow the snowflakes and the occasional wind seem so much colder…

“Well, mostly.” Baekhyun shrugs nonchalantly as he slips his hands into his coat’s pockets, his face expressionless and his voice flat.

As Chanyeol observes the indifferent look in Baekhyun’s face, he can feel a sudden rush of panic starting to appear in his mind. Then as he looks down dejectedly, he splutters, “But Hyunnie—what do you mean—”

“Kidding, Yeol!” Baekhyun finally lets out his laughter as he brings Chanyeol’s head to look up again since he doesn’t have the heart to see Chanyeol’s hurt puppy look. His laugh is prolonged when Chanyeol mumbles a cute grumbling of _why am I always so easily fooled by your very convincing act—oh right I guess it’s because you own my heart_. Truthfully, witnessing Chanyeol composing songs is such an amazing experience every time. Then as he smiles fondly, he adds, “I’m there to see you working your magic and creating masterpieces, with words and melodies pouring out from you to flow so well with each other. I love seeing you play all those music instruments and singing with that low, gruff voice of yours. It’s art creating art, I’d say.”

The words Baekhyun said are one of the main reasons of why Chanyeol takes pride in writing and composing songs, with mostly his works containing his feelings for Baekhyun, and knowing the small man loving the things he has poured everything into… it’s an honor. So as he mirrors the same fond look on Baekhyun’s face he replies, “I never know art can call others art, when they’re actually the real art themselves, just like what you’re doing right now.”

“And how is that so?” Baekhyun chuckles, his hands now moving to remove the collecting heap of white snowflakes on Chanyeol’s shoulders before circling his arms around Chanyeol’s neck. It’s so amusing to see how the tall man can always create his own version of his words for him, and making him smile so much from it.

“Because of course, I can find art in you, in how home is while working on my songs I get to watch you work with your magic, your hands skillfully using all those coloring markers on paper and pen on drawing tablets to bring life into your drawings, and my favorite is definitely seeing you creating portfolios and build your designs at our living room,” Chanyeol replies as his hands find purchase again on both sides of Baekhyun’s waist. Then as he lets out a contented sigh, closing his eyes while sticking their forehead together, he adds, “No matter how stuck I am when trying to string a melody or a find a word that rhymes with my songs, one look at you or an impromptu dance around the space of our apartment with you… I can find my inspiration again.”

“It’s such a refreshing thing to do, dancing with you whenever I’m just too overwhelmed with deadlines or head jammed while thinking for design inspirations, even when we’re just swaying our bodies along to our heartbeats with no song playing at all, if I can just close my eyes for a moment with your arms holding me… it’s all I need,” Baekhyun muses, smiling as he closes his eyes too, feeling both the warmth of Chanyeol’s embrace around his body and Chanyeol’s breath against his face. “Thank you, Yeol. Really.”

“You’re welcome, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol replies as he retracts back his head and opens his eyes again. Pausing for a while, he’s so grateful at how it gives him happiness more than anything to see Baekhyun’s smile never leaving the small man’s face because of the things he’s currently saying for him. So, to make sure Baekhyun stays happy and the smile stays just like that, he continues his words. “Home is going to the park with you to have a lunch picnic or just to watch the sky, or reading while we sit back on the trees, again falling asleep when the summer sun is too nice for us.”

“I think it’s _you_ who loves falling asleep on my shoulder, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs, teasing Chanyeol by again squishing his cheeks gently. He actually knows why—they have this summer picnic agenda that consist with lunch at the park and riding bicycles around their neighborhood, and the tall man always insisted in giving him rides until he was too tired to the point when he read him books Chanyeol would always fell asleep, and he’s actually more than glad to see Chanyeol sleeping, getting his rest… but still he wants to tease and hear the tall man laugh. “I’m the one who always have to keep an eye on you and on our stuff while you sleep.”

“It’s not my fault your voice while reading me stories is too soothing that I always fall asleep while listening to it! And excuse me, but at the end _you_ fell asleep too,” Chanyeol revenges, laughing as he pulls his tongue at Baekhyun, before he squeezes Baekhyun’s cheeks back with his hands to create the ducky pout on the small man’s face. On their picnic days he loves to give Baekhyun a bicycle ride, pedaling fast and speeding up just so he can hear the small man laughing in the back seat that’s really his best reward and worth every drop of sweat—just like right now. “And you won’t wake up unless I pepper your face with kisses or carry you back in my arms.”

“Okay, okay, I admit for this one I think it’s both of our faults, we both love sleeping way too much.” Baekhyun quickly answers before Chanyeol realizes how his face grows even redder, which earns him more laughter and a _okay we’re both guilty_ from Chanyeol. It’s not really his fault he enjoys being wrapped by Chanyeol’s arms to the point he can fall asleep just from that or how he loves getting kissed by Chanyeol—but Chanyeol doesn’t have to know, and he doesn’t need to give the tall man more ammo to tease him.

“Home is watching you admiring and taking photos of the nature and the places we’re traveling to, while I admire and take photos of you,” Chanyeol continues, this time his smirk is back—it’s his favorite thing to do, talking about how gorgeous Baekhyun is. Then he leaves feathery touches on Baekhyun’s face with his hands, admiring the softness of the skin and how his touches make the small man to start chuckling. “You’re just as beautiful.”

“I remember that time when we were hiking the Jirisan ridge for two days—which is our best hike, hands up I must say—and we had you complaining about how your phone’s memory card is full and you didn’t bring your backup memory card,” Baekhyun says, again laughing at the sudden reappearance of the suave smirk on Chanyeol’s face and at the ticklish feeling of Chanyeol’s fingers on his cheeks. “Fortunately, I brought my camera with extra batteries and memory cards for you to use.”

“Well, I can’t help but take photos of the nature and us,” Chanyeol reasons, his face showing a look that seems to say he’s telling something Baekhyun should’ve known about. Again with his lopsided smirk and another loving touch on Baekhyun’s cheek, he adds, “And of course, beautiful wonders of the world like you.”

“But some of the photos you take of me are just me doing the same pose since you used the burst mode feature, Yeol,” Baekhyun chuckles, seeing the stubborn look on Chanyeol’s face that turns the tall man into yet again like a five years old kid insisting to stay awake and watch his favorite movie instead of going to sleep—really, how more adorable his Chanyeol can be? “You could’ve just deleted the duplicate ones.”

“Well—still!” Chanyeol replies adamantly, somehow still capable to look cute with the way a pout is added in the fierce look that appears on his face. “It’s my precious collection of your photos and I really can’t pick which one to delete, you’re too beautiful I just want to keep it all.”

“Alright, alright, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs, he seriously can’t stop laughing at Chanyeol’s antics that more than not makes him look like a five years old kid instead of a twenty nine years old man. But then he remembers one of traditions the tall man loves to do on his birthday. “But wait, Yeol, I remember how some of the photos have me doing weird faces… what are you going to do with it? You’re not going to post it on Instagram for my next birthday, right?”

After Chanyeol heard the last sentence Baekhyun said, unconsciously he freezes for a split second as he realizes he just got caught red handed for keeping a secret stash of Baekhyun’s embarrassing photos for his surprise on the small man’s birthday next year. Under Baekhyun’s inquisitive gaze, he can only chuckle nervously among his stutter. “Well—um—of course I will—I mean of course I will _not_ —”

“Yeol, I swear to God—” Baekhyun starts his attack with his fingers deftly poking Chanyeol’s ticklish spots as he realizes the way Chanyeol went rigid for a second that confirms his suspicion. 

“But it’s for your thirtieth birthday!” Chanyeol laughs as he coils a little to protect his body from Baekhyun’s deadly tickling fingers. Actually, for him, he’s not going to post the photos because those are only for his eyes to see, he’ll only post them if Baekhyun allows him to, he’s just finding reasons to see Baekhyun laughing happily. “For the past ten birthdays I always posted your beautiful photos, so for your thirtieth maybe I can post something a bit different—I mean you’re almost one thirds of a hundred years old—” 

“So you’re saying I’m _old_?” Baekhyun pretends to scowl, while trying so hard not to laugh at Chanyeol’s panicked face. Actually, for him, it’s fine for Chanyeol to keep or post the photos, but he’s just finding reasons to tickle Chanyeol and see the tall man laughing happily. So he continues pretending to be mad with his hands relentlessly sending tickles. “Park Chanyeol I want no excuses—”

“Alright, I won’t post it!” Chanyeol assures with his hands raised up in means of defeat just so Baekhyun stops his tickles that’s still making him unable to stop laughing. But seeing Baekhyun smile underneath the scolding, he knows Baekhyun is actually okay with it. So he only grins while crossing his fingers behind his back—he changes his mind—he’s definitely going to post it for the small man’s birthday next year anyway. “And with weird faces or not, you’re still gorgeous nevertheless. I’ll love you just the same, if not better than that for how adorable you are, actually. My beautiful Hyunnie.”

“Alright, I can’t do or say anything when you’re being all handsome and using your charm on me,” Baekhyun replies, finally letting the hearty laughter he’s been holding. His guts tell him Chanyeol will go ahead and upload it anyway, and somehow he can’t wait to see which photo Chanyeol will use and how it’ll turn out. “But I’m still watching you, Yeol.”

“Home is when we reached some of South Korea’s highest mountain summits while hiking with you,” Chanyeol continues anyway and brushes away the fake threat, still laughing since Baekhyun is still tickling him. For this one he gets the idea from Baekhyun’s mention of their Jirisan ridge hike. “No matter how tiring it is, when we’re doing it together, step by step up the high stairs or rough terrain, every drop of sweat, it’s all worth it.”

“Remember our second time hiking after Seoraksan—our first time exploring Pyeongchang and hiking at Bukhansan National Park to reach Baegundae Peak? Without telling me you smuggled two cans of my favorite drinks for us just so we could have a love shot toast for our summit photo,” Baekhyun laughs. It’s still clear on his mind of how Chanyeol always amazes him with his surprises, when he was just saying he wanted to do a love shot in a passing and but still he found Chanyeol fulfilling his wish. And there’s just one more important thing he’s so grateful of Chanyeol. “But really, thank you for accompanying me no matter how long the trail or how tired you are, for being a wonderful companion throughout all of our hikes.”

“You’re welcome, Hyunnie. I do it all because I do enjoy it too, walking along beside you and seeing you happy—it’s the happiest I can be,” Chanyeol smiles softly at the sight of Baekhyun’s wide grin. Truthfully, that exact view is what gets him and his feet going to follow wherever Baekhyun goes, for he’ll always find happiness and love with the small man around. “And really, it’s all your desire to hike and see more that leads us to the most breathtaking places, and continual smiles and laughter that lit up every trail we’ve hiked.”

“Yeol—you too—you made clouds, fogs, haze that hid the sun away from us to run off, turning cloudy days into bright ones into bright and sunny ones, and made even the coldest, wettest hikes at five in the morning so memorable and enjoyable it’s hard for me to put it into words,” Baekhyun replies, his grin wide when he’s reminded again how the beauty of any scenery he sees along their hikes is enhanced by Chanyeol’s bright smiles and cheery laughter. “I owe a lot to you, Yeol.”

_We’ll meet beyond the shore_  
We’ll kiss just as before  
Happy we’ll be beyond the sea  
And never again I’ll go sailing 

This particular line is the one Chanyeol has been waiting for. So without waiting, he reaches up his hands to hold Baekhyun’s head before he kisses Baekhyun’s lips gently, chuckling when he feels Baekhyun laughing into his mouth.

“I’ve been waiting for this line, actually,” Baekhyun confesses, laughing since even after they’re done kissing Chanyeol won’t let go of his head, still trying to get a kiss with the tall man’s lips puckered adorably and eyes pleading for more kisses. So he gives him another kiss before he adds, “Because I know you’ll kiss me and that’s all it takes to make me fall in love with you all over again and to remind me of my one and only home.”

“The same goes for me—because you, no matter how far or how long I’ll go, will always remind me where my home is, where I really belong,” Chanyeol laughs, agreeing at Baekhyun’s words. While still keeping his hands tracing patterns on Baekhyun’s cheekbones, he whispers, “Your touches, your stares, your kisses… everything you gave me, those are all my mind remembers, my heart desires and me myself wants to come back home to.”

Baekhyun’s reply for Chanyeol comes in form of a kiss—this time he’s the one who surges forward to catch Chanyeol’s smiling lips, as he pulls Chanyeol down by tugging on Chanyeol’s jacket’s collar, slowly giving each of Chanyeol’s lip a soft peck first before kissing the tall man fully.

“More home?” Chanyeol offers with a smile, as he momentarily pauses himself from giving Baekhyun loving kisses but still keeping his lips gently brushing Baekhyun’s cheeks that earns him the small’s man chuckle. “Or more kisses?”

Still chuckling at the way Chanyeol only lets go of his face after approximately spending a full minute just to kiss him again, Baekhyun laughs as he replies, “I want more kisses, but sadly we’re out in public—so let’s just hear more of our home and do kisses later at our home.”

“Alright, I’ll kiss you breathless later when we’re back at the private confinement of our apartment,” Chanyeol laughs along, with his hands back holding Baekhyun’s waist. Then complying with Baekhyun’s request right away, he starts again. “Home is when we can find happiness wherever we are, when we’re simply happy to have each other’s presence.”

“It reminds me of how being happy together can be when we’re running around, tickling each other, joking and teasing with our laughter so loud,” Baekhyun smiles, arms again finding place around Chanyeol’s neck. His favorite part of being with Chanyeol is how he finds comfort and contentment in everything they do, even when they’re doing _nothing_. “And it also can be the times when we can just do whatever work we have, sitting side by side not talking about anything and just enjoying our silence.”

“Exactly, and just like how home can also be me sleeping with you cuddled up next to me in our bed,” Chanyeol returns the smile, as he starts again the sway of their bodies according the song’s lulling tunes. “Which allows me to admire the slow rise and fall of your chest, to listen to the melody of your heartbeats, to hear your sleepy mumbles telling me everything I need to know, and to watch over your peacefully sleeping face.”

“No wonder my dreams are always about sunny days with the clear blue sky,” Baekhyun chuckles, this time his hands find more warmth by moving his arms to wrap around Chanyeol’s waist instead while slipping himself under the tall man’s denim jacket. “I think it’s because I have you watching over me and I have your face as the last thing I see before I sleep.”

“So how do I look in your dreams? Your knight in shining armor right here is handsome, right?” Chanyeol jokes with a grin, expecting Baekhyun to give him a playful smack on his shoulder or a teasing back accompanied by amused laughter. But instead he sees Baekhyun only looking up to him and shyly nodding at him while whispering a soft _very handsome_ , which turns his grin into a fond smile. Then as he clips Baekhyun’s chin to bring their heads closer and for him to be able to observe the soft features of Baekhyun’s face, he adds, “So are you, looking all gorgeous and very much handsome both at day and in my dreams… because I always have my beautiful guardian angel as the first one I see in the morning and the last one I see at night.”

“Home is having the both of us sneezing and coughing while we do our monthly apartment cleaning, with us working so well together to do just anything,” Chanyeol continues as he sees Baekhyun’s cheeks are dusted with sprinkles of light pink all over and eyes bright with a glint of love. “Sweeping and mopping the floor, tidying up the furniture and cleaning up the ornaments, doing laundry and steaming our clothes—never noticing our tiredness because we’re always doing it all with us laughing.”

“I think changing our bed sheet is always on the top spot in our Sunday cleaning list that can make us so frustratingly mad and laugh so much at the same time, and no matter how hard it is, it’s my favorite thing to do to date,” Baekhyun laughs out loud, with Chanyeol’s sentence eliciting so many fun memories of them trying to be a domestic couple doing all house chores together but ending up like a silly one instead—and it’s alright, they laugh more and that’s all he wants them do. “Remember when we stumbled over ourselves trying to fit that new bed sheet onto our bed and no matter how much we tried to settle the elastic band under the bed it came springing back up and pulled us so abruptly we knocked our foreheads?”

“That evil new bed sheet! Even when there were _two_ of us trying to tackle it, we were always chasing the running sheets with its _four_ annoying elastic bands or readjusting everything because we forgot which part of the sheet is for the width or the length side of our bed,” Chanyeol laughs along, and now he’s seeing how laughing so much caused Baekhyun’s cheeks redder, the skin shining under the early winter sun’s soft glow and rising fully like two rose gold apples, making him feeling more than satisfied his words are making Baekhyun happy. “I think I remember at some point it sent us rolling around our bed before we got tossed down to the floor. Glad we got rid of that bed sheet.”

“And do you remember when you forgot to plug in the external pipe of the washing machine and our apartment sort of got flooded with water?” Baekhyun feigns a stern voice, softly nudging Chanyeol’s chest with his pointed index finger while pretending to give an accusatory look at the tall man, enjoying the guilty look that starts to appear on the tall man’s face. But again he doesn’t have the heart to see Chanyeol worrying, so he laughs and gives his smile instead while he adds, “We spent _hours_ mopping the floor, scooping the water out and drying the soaked carpets—very tired since we too were drenched with water and sweat—but I’m still happy because you got us laughing nevertheless.”

“Oops, sorry, Hyunnie. Don’t worry, I won’t do it again next time, I swear,” Chanyeol replies sheepishly while smiling shyly at Baekhyun, his worry erased by the sight of Baekhyun’s smile for him. But then he gasps as he remembers something. “Oh my god! Remember when I was cleaning up at the attic all day only to find you gone when I came down? That day I almost called the police when you went missing, but actually you were so tired after vacuum cleaning the whole space of our apartment to the point you fell asleep inside the broom cupboard, and I was so worried because I thought you were kidnapped!”

“Oh—I remember that day! I finally woke up after hearing you screaming my name while crying, your face was a mess with ruffled hair, snot, and tears, and you were almost hysterical when I walked out of the broom cupboard, running to me before you hugged me for an hour straight without letting me go even for a second,” Baekhyun laughs when a fleeting memory from that day of Chanyeol being all red faced and looking like a five years old kid getting lost while looking for his mother in the supermarket comes into his mind. But then he frowns at a word Chanyeol said. “ _Kid_ napped? Did you mean abducted—”

“Excuse me, I cried because I was really worried about you to the point I was about to pass out, you know,” Chanyeol sulks, cutting Baekhyun off with his impromptu rant complete with furrowed eyebrows and a sad pout. Then as he watches Baekhyun only laughing at the genuinely concerned look on his face, he finds the right reply to get back at Baekhyun’s last comment. “And no, for you it’s _kid_ napped since you’re tiny, small, and definitely not as tall as me. Besides, you are my baby.”

“Alright, I know I’m small and you’re tall,” Baekhyun grumbles, getting yet another turn to sulk though still chuckling at how Chanyeol didn’t use _shorter_ and used _not as tall_ , while Chanyeol gets his turn to laugh at him, with the tall man cooing _ooh, my tiny baby!_ while patting his head and hugging his body in a way that resembles mothers cradling their babies. Then he tries to distract Chanyeol from being too happy in teasing him by gently pinching Chanyeol’s cheeks, laughing as he demands more of their home in a louder voice that drowns Chanyeol’s satisfied laugh. “Our home again please!”

“Home is seeing you laugh heartily along with me when we both slipped on the ice in the yard at the front of our apartment,” Chanyeol laughs, continuing anyway despite Baekhyun is still sulking adorably in his hug while pinching his cheeks. Then, as he tries to look as gallant as he can—loosening his hug with Baekhyun for a moment—with arms folded neatly in front of his chest, shoulders squared, and chin up high in the air, he adds, “But it didn’t hurt at all, the pain doesn’t matter to me since I’ve fallen harder.”

“What? What do you mean you’ve fallen harder? Where? Why didn’t you tell me? Was it bad, did you bleed? Does it still hurt?” Baekhyun immediately inquires, his previous sulking from being called _small_ and the smile from remembering the time they fell like a domino from an invisible thin layer of ice while walking back to their apartment vanishing completely to be replaced by a worried look on his face. When Chanyeol only says nothing, he grows anxious and unconsciously his hands start to check every inch of Chanyeol’s body. “Are you okay now? Let me see it—”

The reaction Chanyeol gets only makes his laugh to get louder, from both the sudden panicked ramble and the way the touches of Baekhyun’s hands are tickling him. So gently he cups Baekhyun’s cheek to get the small man’s head closer to his before saying, “I’ve fallen harder when I fell for you and your love, Hyunnie.”

“Oh my God I was so worried, Yeol,” Baekhyun weakly says as his worry gets erased quickly at another sight of Chanyeol’s satisfied smirk while laughing heartily at yet another cheesy one-liner Chanyeol gave him, and even though it’s a hackneyed old saying, it still makes him blush all the same. Then he has an idea to get back at Chanyeol for making him so worried. As he tries so hard not to laugh, he quips, “Oh! But I remember taking care of your scraped palm and you were already screaming in pain even _before_ the betadine soaked cotton touched your wound.” 

“In case you don’t remember I had to hold _both_ of our weights with only my hands to absorb the impact of our fall just so you don’t have to get yourself hurt,” Chanyeol retaliates. To emphasize how he’d really do anything to keep Baekhyun safe, with his brows knitted and determined look showing boldly on his face, fiercely he adds, “Any kind of pain I’ll endure for you!”

“I admit you’re my knight in shining armor, as always saving my life. Thank you, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs at another show of an adorable sulking Chanyeol passionately showing how far the tall man will go for him—something he has been knowing since a long time ago even before Chanyeol telling him about it. “That reminds me of how you love getting me those adorable colorful plasters, pasting it everywhere in our skin even though we don’t have any cuts sometimes. I think we still have that scrapbook you make of our plasters, where you keep the plaster of each of our cuts and wrote the story of our clumsiness behind them.”

“ _Our_ clumsiness?” Chanyeol replies, with a mocking tone and a faux indignant look on his face. Even though he knows Baekhyun is right, they were indeed clumsy: their times where they fell a lot back in their rebel days at university from trying to jump over a ten feet tall wall at night to sneak out and eat outside their dorms or from when they tried to climb the high trees on the more secluded parts of the campus grounds, and those are just a few from so many other moments where they fell but still having fun. But this time it’s his turn to tease Baekhyun again, so he pulls his tongue out at Baekhyun before he adds, “More like yours!”

“Park Chanyeol!” Baekhyun threatens, half laughing from the sight of Chanyeol with his tongue jutting out adorably and half embarrassed from again getting teased for too many times to count. Even though from the way Chanyeol is laughing along with him he can see how the tall man too remembers the time when they got cuts all over their hands and legs while trying to hide from in the bushes after almost getting caught by the campus’ security guards for sneaking out until midnight or when they slipped on the slick wet tiles of the swimming pools when they were on their another sneaking adventure into the athletics department at night.

“Home is making you plates and bowls of food, having you playing around and messing up with me while I’m cooking and talking over our meals for hours after cleaning up our mess in our kitchen.” Chanyeol continues anyway, laughing in victory but still letting Baekhyun playfully hitting his shoulder. Then he takes hold of Baekhyun’s hands to pull the small man into his hug again.

“I remember us falling asleep on the kitchen floor, with our backs against the kitchen table after a whole day experimenting to bake a red velvet cake from eight in the morning and finishing only when it was near midnight,” Baekhyun chuckles as a picture of two fondant dolls men dressed in black suits that he secretly saw Chanyeol was working on comes into his mind—he knew exactly what kind of cake Chanyeol discreetly was working on, but he’ll keep it as his own secret too for now. “And when we woke up the next morning, we almost tried to escape from each other before laughing and realizing it was just us, we were so startled by our ghost-like white faces.”

With the white snowflakes that resemble white flour powder falling gently on top of their heads, Chanyeol laughs as the memory of him trying to bake a sample for their future wedding cake without Baekhyun knowing comes back to him as clear as if it just happened yesterday. “I think we were too tired from running around with flour covering our body and leaving white footprints all over, because you started a tickling fight when I was mixing the ingredients, Hyunnie—and we had to use the vacuum cleaner to get the powder out from the couch! We both almost tripped over the dust duct—”

At the word _trip_ , suddenly a pang of guilt rises in Baekhyun’s heart, prompting him to tilt his head down, eyes casted down and not daring himself to look Chanyeol in the eye. “Um, Yeol… I’m so sorry…”

“What for, Hyunnie?” Chanyeol asks, slightly worried at how the smile on Baekhyun’s face falters, the curl of Baekhyun’s lip turning down into a pout, with the small man’s eyebrows furrowing to accompany the sad look.

“Remember that time when we—I mean, _I_ —was teasing you while you were cooking spaghetti _aglio e olio_ for our lunch? And I accidentally spilled olive oil on the floor that made you fall and sprain your right ankle…” Baekhyun replies slowly with a trace of remorse evident in his voice, hands fiddling with some loose strands on the hem of Chanyeol’s jacket. He’s feeling half touched and half guilty when he remembers the way Chanyeol groaned in pain but still trying to look like he was fine just so he wouldn’t worry about him… 

“That was four years ago, Hyunnie, it’s okay. I’m okay now,” Chanyeol chuckles, amused by how cute Baekhyun is, still feeling guilty about something so trivial to him. When he sees the worried look on Baekhyun’s face doesn’t vanish, he reaches his hand to caress Baekhyun’s cheeks to lift Baekhyun’s face up again and assures the small man with his wide grin. “It’s all really fine, Hyunnie! Because you know what? Falling on my ass and spraining my ankle still feel like home.”

At the mention of home, Baekhyun’s eyes light up with his head tilted back up to Chanyeol’s eyes and his face brightening, all making the small man to look like an interested puppy popping out from hiding under Chanyeol’s hug. “How so?”

“I have you tending me while doing everything and hugging me to help me walk—I’d rather have you as my support than those stiff crutches, really—and watching over me when I sleep to check on me and staying so close to me at all times to get whatever I needed,” Chanyeol replies, grinning at how Baekhyun resembles the sun so much—the rise of his smile can really brighten his days. “Oh! Plus I get to take two days leave! It’s definitely a heavenly home.”

“You don’t have to fall on your ass, you don’t have to sprain your ankle or scrap your palms for me to do all of that. I’d do it every day, any time you want and need to,” Baekhyun smiles, relieved to hear Chanyeol’s adorable reasoning and to see how Chanyeol reminds him of the stars so much—the bright gleam in his dark cinnamon eyes is like those heavenly bodies dotting the night sky. Then as he gives the last comment Chanyeol said a second thought, finally realizing what it means, he chuckles and adds, “And Yeol, you’re literally the CEO of _your own_ studio, two days leave doesn’t count as a something.”

“Thank you for always taking care of me, Hyunnie. I’ll make sure to do the same for you,” Chanyeol replies with a grin, his hands now moving again with one around Baekhyun’s waist and the other still holding Baekhyun’s cheek while pulling the small man closer to him. Then he decides to just continue, chuckling and ignoring the last remark Baekhyun said to him. “Home is staying at the campus library to study for exams, sitting next to each other and promised to study until the library’s closed, but ended up sleeping with our heads resting against each other’s.” 

“I think we got locked up in the library for too many times to be counted, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs as he observes his smiling Chanyeol, feeling the slight tickle from Chanyeol’s hearty laughter shaking their bodies. “With us spending most of our times there, not to mention you smuggling our favorite food and drinks and even bringing in blankets for us, it was literally our second home after our dorm rooms back then.”

“Told you one day sneaking lots of food to the library and keeping stashes of blankets are going to be an advantage for us! Or else we’d be starving and freezing all night,” Chanyeol boasts proudly with broad grin and a couple self pat on his chest. Then he lets out his smirk again at one particular thought. “And until now it still amazes me how you can find a corner with the only blind spot from the CCTVs.”

“Don’t complain to me especially when you know you love to study with me at that spot just so you can kiss me anytime you like,” Baekhyun replies with the same smirk and what he knows is a checkmate. Then he decides to attack back with a tease on Chanyeol’s weakness—him. “Not to mention several times when I have you under me and moaning while I thru—”

Now it’s Chanyeol’s turn to have bursts of red coloring his cheeks, unable to say anything for a few seconds as if was back on those days, as if he can almost feel again Baekhyun on top of him… doing all those things with the roll of his hips that made him have to hold his moans… then he shakes his heads slightly, he needs to control himself. So he retaliates, “But you love it as much as I do!”

For the way Chanyeol’s face is red all over, Baekhyun knows he has won the game this time. But then at the reply Chanyeol gave him, he also knows there’s no point in lying. He can almost feel again Chanyeol’s lips exploring further on his skin… then as he clears his throat to redirect his mind back to reality, he decides to say the truth, chuckling almost nervously to hide his reddening cheeks. “Okay, well—I do—”

“Ha! I won again!” Chanyeol whoops in delight, pulling out his tongue at Baekhyun as he watches Baekhyun stuttering and getting his face redder to match the color of his lips. “Park Chanyeol four points and Byun Baekhyun still _zero_ point!”

“Alright, alright, don’t rub it all on my face, will you?” Baekhyun laughs as he gently pokes Chanyeol’s cheek out of sheer amusement at how the tall man seems to be so delighted. Then with a soft nudge on Chanyeol’s elbow he adds, “Now continue.”

“Yes sir! After so many homes, another home is waiting for the train or the bus to come, or spending time until our flight’s boarding time,” Chanyeol continues without letting Baekhyun to defend himself, laughing again at the vibrant pink that appears on the small man’s cheeks, becoming a pair with his. Then he extends his arms for a moment while gesturing at their bodies, presenting their current position to Baekhyun. “With me standing or sitting next to you as we share my earphones, just like what we do right now—even though technically we’re now hugging while facing each other.”

“I remember how every time you adeptly knew how really bored I am and you just simply inserted your earphone into my ear and another in yours,” Baekhyun smiles as he finally takes a proper glance at their surrounding for a moment. Even though they’re outside and there are people chatting with each other and walking around to admire the white rain or spending time while sitting on the benches—creating a low hum of crowds around them—still Chanyeol is right, just with the way the tall man’s arms are wrapped tight around his body, it does feel like home. “Just so we can listen to our favorite songs, singing under our breaths just so people won’t hear. And just like that, you drown out the crowds, make me forget about everything around us and get time flies with us smiling and singing together—that way I’ll never forget how to smile.”

“You too, actually. Don’t you know?” Chanyeol chuckles, amused for how every time he gives a part of him for Baekhyun, the small man will always give back just as much—and even better, more than that. Then he takes hold of Baekhyun’s hand, pulling it to rest on the space between their chests before placing the palm flat on top of his heart. “I remember how every time you can tell exactly how I was too sleepy to be properly awake, and you devised your game of people watching. And how you teach me so much about life and its many qualities from seeing the way people come and go, in the way people say their hellos and good byes… I’ll never forget everything you said that helps me in any moment in life.”

“So, thank you.” Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol say at the same time, movements somehow perfectly synchronized and voice almost harmonizing with each other as they look into each other’s eyes with their smiles growing wider, before turning into laughter. 

_I know beyond a doubt_  
My heart will lead me there soon  
We’ll meet, I know we’ll meet, beyond the shore  
We’ll kiss just as before 

_Happy we’ll be beyond the sea_  
And never again I’ll go sailing  
No more sailing  
So long sailing  
Bye bye, sailing… 

“Home seems like mundane, everyday stuff aren’t they?” Chanyeol grins when he sees Baekhyun burying himself on his hug again while leaning and snuggling more onto his body. As he hears Mr. Darin singing them the song’s last lines, he adds, “But there’s one special thing, in every occasion, home has y—”

“I know there’s me,” Baekhyun cuts in with a smile as he look up again to stare into Chanyeol’s eyes. From the start of the song he somehow already can tell Chanyeol is going to say home has only him, but to him it’s him _and_ Chanyeol. He appreciates it all really, for how Chanyeol thinks so highly of him in every single moment, but to him it all comes back to the fact that Chanyeol is the one who gives him that extra push and strength that help him do a lot more things than he thought he can. “But what’s much more important to me is that you’re there too.”

Until this day, Baekhyun is still the only person Chanyeol knows that will give much better things back to him the more he gives—and that stands still as one of the reasons he only wants to love Baekhyun better every day. He can only shake his head in amusement and pure awe. “Hyunnie.”

“My turn now, Yeol. Home is wherever,” Baekhyun continues, smiling while his hands move along the expanse of Chanyeol’s chest, gently caressing the broad surface and feeling Chanyeol’s heartbeats under his palm before straightening the collar of the tall man’s jacket. “Wherever with my mind calm to know you have my heart and I have yours. Home is your heart where I rest mine at.”

“Okay for the second time you’ve said it better than I do,” Chanyeol laughs, as he returns the gesture by gently holding Baekhyun’s wrists, his fingers softly rubbing the skin of Baekhyun’s forearms. “Home is us, so wherever you are, that’s where I’ll go sailing. Wherever I go all around the world, at the end of the day I’ll always come back home with your heart leading mine. Even though there are millions of miles in between our hearts, I will come running for you, I don’t care how far. So you better wait for me.”

“But really, home is along the road, isn’t it, Yeol?” Baekhyun chuckles, finally realizing the pattern from what they’ve been talking about their home after he spent a few minutes musing on the words Chanyeol said. Then his hands find its way back to hold Chanyeol’s face as his eyes flit between Chanyeol’s, finding a reflection of home inside it that he knows is always there for him to come back to. “To me… it doesn’t really matter wherever you are or whatever you do, I know you’ll always come back to me. For me.”

“Really?” Chanyeol asks with a slightly teasing note in his voice and playful glint in his eyes, while feigning an oblivious look with his eyebrows slightly furrowed and his lower lip jutting out a bit—all an act just so he can hear Baekhyun’s good perception on the matter and witnessing again the gleam of brilliance sparkling bright on Baekhyun’s eyes and the proud smile Baekhyun has for him. “How do you know?”

“Really. And wait—not just that—I also know how home doesn’t always have to be a location or a person because home can be wherever I am, even when I don’t have you with me,” Baekhyun replies swiftly, as he admires the way the gentle swipes of his thumbs across Chanyeol’s cheekbones can turn Chanyeol’s adorable pout into an ear-to-ear smile. More that he admires is how he still can feel the warmth in Chanyeol’s understanding and patience gaze on him, showing how the tall man is more than willing to listen to him. “And do you know how?”

“No, I don’t know,” Chanyeol replies again, not exactly telling the truth while maintaining his failing badly confused look since he can’t stop himself from grinning—not when he has Baekhyun looking at him so lovingly with the small man’s fingers tracing their light steps on his face. Then he takes a moment to softly blow some bits of snowflakes piling up right at the top of Baekhyun’s head. “But I know how good your ideas are, so let’s hear yours.”

“We can find home at just everywhere with two ways,” Baekhyun starts with a soft smile, as he loops his arms around Chanyeol’s neck again. “First, with the way we create lots of happy memories in every place we go along the days we’ve spent together, making just any place as our many homes,” then as he chuckles, he tiptoes and sneakily gives Chanyeol’s smiling lips a gentle kiss. “And so for me, home is a sublime, heavenly _feeling_ that only _you_ can incite, really. Like the sweet feeling that I get when I’m kissing you, for an example.”

Both the reply and the kiss Baekhyun gave for Chanyeol morphs his smile into a grin and gives him a idea. So in return, cheekily he circles more of his arms around Baekhyun’s waist before he raises the small man in his embrace up slightly to give more kisses, earning him Baekhyun’s laughter. “I’ll make sure we’ll create lots of it then.”

“Second, with the way at any place I can remember all of our happy days with our smiles and laughter pointing out the directions to each of it, and how the feelings and love you keep on giving me residing deep in me to the point my heart can feel your love through and through wherever I go for always… everywhere can be my home,” Baekhyun elaborates after Chanyeol lets him down, now laughing heartily from getting so many kisses from the tall man. He keeps their heads close, eyes staring only at Chanyeol’s and their noses bumping gently against each other. “All those feelings bring me the sense of familiarity, comfort and warmth of a home that I carry to any place my feet lead me, so that everywhere is our home, Yeol. All thanks to you.”

The things Baekhyun mentioned bring back to Chanyeol the very first special memory he has of him and the small man.

“Hyunnie… when I saw you walking on our campus grounds almost ten years ago, I knew at that moment it felt like after sailing through so many seas, the ship of my heart finally found its place to be rest at, to moor its anchor on your haven,” Chanyeol replies, while he stares in amazement at how Baekhyun can easily find the right words to say to warm his heart while looking all bright and enchanting at the same time. As a return he decides to give another hint for the thing he’s planning for them. “You’re the first and the last for me, and I just knew the moment I came to stay in your heart, that was when I decide I’ll never leave, I’ll never go again.”

The words Chanyeol said for him… it reminds Baekhyun of those vows said once and forever down by the altar. So after a few seconds observing the proof of those words in form of the unfaltering gaze of resolution in Chanyeol’s eyes on his, he finally replies, “And for me, also just right at that moment, I knew after getting tossed and hurled among so many other waves in the ocean, I finally found a place to come home to at the shore of your heart.”

“Hyunnie…” Chanyeol can only whisper Baekhyun’s name softly, completely at loss for words for way too many times—he just lost count since a long time ago—at how Baekhyun always manages to turn the words he said for the small man into much better things for him.

“So thank you, Yeol,” Baekhyun breathes out as he retracts one hand to wipe away a few snowflakes that managed to stick on Chanyeol’s warm cheeks and the blue strands of Chanyeol’s fringe with his fingers. And this time, he’s the one that pulls Chanyeol’s face closer to kiss him gently, keeping their smiling lips moving against each other for quite a time. And slowly, after they parted, with a warm smile he adds, “Thank you for being my home and at the same time taking me to the trip down the memory lane that leads to our many homes.”

“You’re welcome, Hyunnie. Now you’ll find home everywhere, every time you need it,” Chanyeol smiles, feeling so contented from both seeing Baekhyun’s radiant smile and feeling Baekhyun’s lips on his. His daily mission of making Baekhyun happy is finally accomplished—but not for it to end, it’s an ever ongoing mission for him. “So you’ll do work later okay? And tonight I’ll see you again back at home to cuddle and eat lots just like what you said earlier—this time I mean home as in our apartment, in case you can’t tell which home I’m talking about after I listed so many of it.”

“I will. Thank you, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs at Chanyeol’s last remark, as he smiles fondly at how Chanyeol can neatly combine touching words with teasing jokes to make him happy—he’s forever grateful. As he pauses for a moment, watching the brilliant glint in Chanyeol’s eyes and hearing pure happiness in Chanyeol’s laughter, he thinks about how it’s really Chanyeol’s magic—how just by the tall man’s idea of them listening to one song, he somehow forget that they’re still standing the city park under the snowflake rain while swaying their bodies to the Mr. Darin’s voice with all the talks of their home—giving him all the feelings that he can turn into the power he needs to just do anything. “Thank you so much.”

With Mr. Darin’s voice fading, signaling the song has finally comes to an end, they both finally unplug the earphones from their ears and break their hug while again they talk about all the memories that remind them of home.

After pocketing back his phone and earphones, Chanyeol drags them to a corner where the benches are placed, and where the trees are high and the bushes are thick, their usual place to have a lunch picnic on summer and spring days.

There Chanyeol takes a seat on their bench—it’s technically the city park’s, but they always sit there they might as well adopted it as theirs—with his hand still holding Baekhyun’s. But it seems like the latter is too busy to sit, and is now trying again to catch all the falling snow around them, jumping up and down and dragging him to stand again.

So Chanyeol stands again. Looking down at their shoes—Dr. Martens’ red vegan Cambridge leather 8-eyed boots for Baekhyun and a pair of simple white Adidas sneakers for him—he tightens their embraced hands, swaying it lightly. “You know what, Hyunnie.”

Baekhyun stops jumping, his cheeks dusted in a shade of soft red from the tiny exercise. Then he moves his eyes from the lined kindergarten kids going home from school that are forming a train, to look at Chanyeol. With a smile he replies, “Know what, Yeol?”

“The world, especially winter on its first snow, fall in love with you every year,” Chanyeol says, referring to the wordplay of ‘first snow’ or _cheot nun_ , that is close to sound like _cheot nun banhada_ which means _to fall in love at first sight_. He looks up, staring at Baekhyun as he walks forward to close their distance to place his hands on Baekhyun’s waist. “The same as me, but to me it’s an everyday thing.”

Baekhyun breaks their eye contact and laughs, the warm feeling travels from his heart to his cheeks, making them as red as ripe strawberries. As his hands slip into Chanyeol’s jacket to grasp on the white t-shirt the tall man wears underneath, again effectively hiding his embarrassed face, he splutters, “Yeol—that’s a nonsense—how do you know—”

In a split second, Chanyeol’s face turns businesslike, like a professor trying to prove the hypothesis of a groundbreaking research in front of thousands of people in an auditorium. “The snow’s color is white, right? Your name? Baekhyun. And _Baek_ means white. It’s the mother nature’s conspiracy with me to find our ways to pronounce our love for you, Hyunnie.”

Baekhyun lets out a set of loud, hearty laughter this time. He can’t believe at how Chanyeol can connect the most uncorrelated things into something so comically poetic to make him smile and somehow makes sense in his mind as well. Just a little bit, though. “But Yeol—”

“So, when every snow falls, you will hear them say, _I love you, Baekhyun_ ,” Chanyeol lands the first kiss out of many on Baekhyun’s left cheek, chuckling as he purposefully ignores Baekhyun’s words. “Then another one falls, _I love you, Baekhyun_ ,” the second kiss lands on Baekhyun’s right cheek. “Then again, _I love you so much, Baekhyun_ , and so on.”

Baekhyun laughs throughout Chanyeol’s words, more laughter coming as the latter demonstrates how each fall of the snow is like with kisses all over his face and on his lips with repeated _I really, really, really love you, Baekhyunnie_ in every kiss. He basks in each of it as he circles his arms tighter on Chanyeol’s waist, letting Chanyeol’s arms around him to cover his body more and for Chanyeol to kiss him again, loving how the warmth of the tall man envelops him.

Once he decides his kiss attacks are enough, with Baekhyun’s lips and cheeks turning brilliant red, Chanyeol moves on to his next surprise. “Hyunnie.”

Baekhyun hums once as an answer, now swaying their bodies slowly as if they’re slow dancing to the music the soft wind blows over them.

“I have something for you,” Chanyeol continues as he softly rubs Baekhyun’s arms in his hug, stroking the small man’s body gently his hands. “To give back for your amazing Möbius strip magic show.”

The mention of another surprise Chanyeol has prepared for him interests Baekhyun so much, after having Chanyeol getting him surprise lunch, talking about their home with Mr. Darin and bringing him to walk to the park, which simply made his days thousand times better already. Disentangling himself from Chanyeol’s hug but still grasping Chanyeol’s arms, then he tilts his head up to look at the tall man’s face. “Oh, really?”

After taking out his tiny notebook from his jacket’s pocket while keeping his right hand and the other hand still planted on the dip of Baekhyun’s back, Chanyeol flicks through the pages to find the thing he has been saving for Baekhyun. “You told me about your love for me goes infinitely and exists the way it is, now let me read my reply for you.”

Then Chanyeol moves his hand to hold Baekhyun’s, readying himself. As he gently plays with Baekhyun’s fingers, he starts to read what he wrote on his notebook for Baekhyun.

_I do not love you as if you were brine-rose, or topaz_  
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.  
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,  
in secret, between the shadow and the soul. 

Hearing the first stanza, immediately Baekhyun’s mouth goes open in outright surprise, eyes popping out wide. He recognizes the poem; it’s one of Pablo Neruda’s most famous piece, _Sonnet XVII_. He’s about to say something, but Chanyeol is faster than him.

“I don’t love you just because you’re good looking, beautiful, or gorgeous.” Chanyeol starts, as a smile makes its way on his face.

Hearing the incoming speech after the first stanza of the poem makes Baekhyun’s hanging open mouth to turn into a soft smile. So he decides to just listen and let Chanyeol speak, fully well knowing how good the man is with words.

“Even though you are, very much.” Chanyeol suddenly adds in a side note, getting him a chuckle from Baekhyun.

Chanyeol pauses for a while, inspecting Baekhyun’s smiling face that a lot more than not invades his dreams, in day and night. The words he’s going to say next are what he had been pondering for so many hours late at night while he had Baekhyun sleeping and clinging onto him. “You were an oddity, the one and only that incite in me a curiosity that intrigues me. You’re something the deepest part of me truly wants, an addiction that I once kept silently within me.”

From the way the words are said in Chanyeol’s soothing deep voice with such gentle tone, Baekhyun knows Chanyeol has put careful thoughts into it, and he feels his heart warming from it, since it’s also what he feels towards the tall man standing in front of him. With a fond look in his eyes and a sweet smile directed just for Chanyeol, he slowly cups Chanyeol’s cheek with his hand, rubbing the cheekbones softly. Sometimes Chanyeol doesn’t know how important he is to him—this is the man that secures him with his love.

Encouraged by the smile Baekhyun is giving him that only grows wider as he says more of his words, Chanyeol continues the lines with his eyes intently gazing into Baekhyun’s.

_I love you as the plant that never blooms_  
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;  
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,  
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body. 

“My love for you is never superficial or shallow. I love you for what’s really in you, the appetizing flavor and piquant taste you bring into my days and the magic touch of your soul that is so rich and intense it’s completely taking over my heart and my mind.” Chanyeol says, as he closes his eyes for a moment, relishing the warmth of Baekhyun’s hand on his cheek.

Knowing the next stanzas, Baekhyun anticipates and readies himself to revel in the words that surely will sound thousand times better in Chanyeol’s voice, with his hand still caressing Chanyeol’s cheek.

The next line is Chanyeol’s favorite part, and he can’t wait to see Baekhyun’s reaction. He opens his eyes, smiling at the way Baekhyun’s smile never leaves his face, his dark mahogany eyes as always staring into his, giving him a sense of utmost calmness and comfort. So he continues reciting the poem.

_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where._  
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;  
so I love you because I know no other way 

_than this: where I does not exist, nor you,_  
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,  
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. 

“I love you… just because my heart _loves_ you,” Chanyeol can only breathe out, just feeling so much love at Baekhyun he just can’t find words to describe it. He hopes his eyes and his touches on Baekhyun’s back can help him convey his feelings. “Love has always been there in me, but you… _you_ perfected love for me. So it requires no explanation and once it came, it stays within me forever.”

Again Baekhyun has his mouth slightly open as his smile starts to form. He has been waiting for this last stanza and hearing Chanyeol saying it for him… he feels so happy—like he might as well burst out from the way Chanyeol fills him with so much love.

“I really love the last part, the way it explains us,” Chanyeol says again, with his smile and gaze for Baekhyun softening into a fond one. “The depth of our true and lasting love pulls our two committed souls together, deeply forged into one, until there’s no you or me anymore but us.”

Chanyeol then slips his tiny notebook back into his jacket’s pocket and walks closer to Baekhyun. Then he takes hold both of Baekhyun’s hands, rubbing the back of it with his thumbs.

Then with a grin Chanyeol adds, “I know how much you love poems, so for the past week before I went back home I visited the library to find one for you. I almost gave up searching, you see; as books and libraries are more of your competency. I’ve been searching for almost four hours but somehow the poems I’ve read seem like they don’t speak what I have in mind, it was so hard to find the right one. But then, while I was just flipping the pages, I found this. Pablo Neruda’s _Soneto XVII, Não te amo como_.”

At a loss for words, Baekhyun’s mind can only enthuse over the poem and the words Chanyeol said to him.

The fact that it’s one of his hidden treasures that he has never told Chanyeol before but somehow Chanyeol found and chose it among other thousand poems in the library… The way Chanyeol reads the poem with the correct intonation, pauses to take breath or to add emphasizing effect for the word to sink in all in the right times, eyes always on his that only left once in a while to look at his notebook… The way Chanyeol adds his own words for him in between the stanzas… All under the wonderful white snow falling gently upon them…

Another fond smile makes its way to Baekhyun’s face, he doesn’t know how to explain it but he can feel emotional tears on the brink of his eyes. “Yeol… You really took your time to trace my steps—”

Chanyeol grins, now it’s his turn to reach his hands out and cup Baekhyun’s cheeks. “Just like the way you did with the Möbius paper strip for me, yes.”

Suddenly Baekhyun charges his way towards Chanyeol, circling his arms once again on Chanyeol’s waist to hug him, the force of his hug elicits an _oomph_ from the tall man. With him leaning comfortably and secured in Chanyeol’s embrace, he closes his eyes, listening intently to the rhythmic thuds of Chanyeol’s heart, with his ear now placed on Chanyeol’s chest. Even just for every effort Chanyeol did for him today—the lunch food, the poems, the song, and the walk to the park, which all of those that seem to fit _exactly_ what he needs even without him telling the tall man—he only have one thought in his mind. Then he mumbles, “I… I really love you, do you know that?”

“That, yes, and also the fact that I’m truly madly crazy deeply in love with you.” Chanyeol replies as he chuckles at Baekhyun hiding under his jacket, arms hugging Baekhyun back just as tight and hand caressing the crown of Baekhyun’s head to ruffle the small man’s hair lightly. His chuckle then turns into laughter after he feels Baekhyun’s laugh in his embrace reverberates through their bodies and tickles him. 

“Listen, Hyunnie. Do you have some time after work tomorrow?” Chanyeol asks, whispering close to Baekhyun’s ears, finally speaking again after a few minutes passed with them just hugging each other close.

“Uh, wait,” Baekhyun lets go one of his grip on Chanyeol’s waist, fishes out his phone from his pocket and opens his to-do list. “Well, I’m free after work tomorrow but I’ll have to check again, since Junmyeon hyung’s a bit random a times. Why are you asking?” He answers as he loosens their hug to look up and steal a glance at Chanyeol’s face, where he sees the blue haired man’s smirk and face features morphed into those faces with mischievous intent. “Okay now, lunch delivery man, what are you up to?”

“Okay, that’s good then if you have time,” Chanyeol smiles as he lets go of the hug, hands moving to hold Baekhyun’s. But then he realizes something, the happy look on his face changing into a faux stern one while trying not to laugh. “Wait. Excuse me, _lunch delivery man_?”

A chuckle from the smaller man makes Chanyeol drop his faux stern look, but now he resorts to turn his back on Baekhyun with his hands folded on his chest, putting on an act of ignoring him.

“Good what? What’s going to happen?” Baekhyun asks, more interested in a prospect of upcoming events Chanyeol might prepare for him rather than Chanyeol’s last comment, as he follows Chanyeol’s movement to shake Chanyeol’s hands, who seems so stubborn on keeping his silence and smirking again to get back at the remark he gave him.

“Alright, alright. Mr. Park Chanyeol, the genius music composer, what are you up to now?” Baekhyun finally cave in, tiptoeing to circle his arms on Chanyeol’s neck and pouting, his lips inches from Chanyeol’s.

The simper Baekhyun gives him does it for Chanyeol. As he moves forward to catch those rose colored lips of Baekhyun’s, the small man pulls away, laughing. “Hey, come back here—I was just about to kiss you—”

“No more kisses until you tell me!” Baekhyun laughs, sticking out his tongue while he runs away, looking back to see if Chanyeol will run after him before teasing the tall man by shaking his ass as he does so.

Chanyeol jogs a little bit, thinking Baekhyun is just playing around. What he doesn’t expect is that Baekhyun actually runs faster, deftly avoiding his long hands reaching to catch him, even wagging his corgi bottom at him. So, he pulls out his weapon, shouting it since Baekhyun is already five yards away from him. “I’m inviting you to my studio tomorrow, so you can listen to my special project!”

That stops Baekhyun on his fleeing track. The word _special project_ reminds him of the day they were playing and dancing to Mr. Wonder and Mr. Sinatra at Chanyeol’s studio, along with the abundance of hints Chanyeol gave him. He can feel his curiosity coming back to the surface again. So he shouts back, “Really?”

“Yes, a hundred points to Gryffindor. I think it’s time for you to hear my masterpiece that I never let someone hear yet. But of course, if you don’t want to… What can I do…” Chanyeol fakes a sad face, turning back to walk towards the gate of the park, acting like he’s going to leave, when he’s actually struggling not to laugh at the confused puppy face Baekhyun is sporting.

“Wait—wait!” Baekhyun runs back, attaching himself to Chanyeol’s arms. His curiosity is more piqued than ever as his mind tries to connect the dots. “Is it the one you didn’t let me hear at all?”

“The one and only. You should feel honored.” Chanyeol replies, grinning at the genuinely interested look that starts to rise on Baekhyun’s face, as he slows down his walk and places his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders.

“Oh Park Chanyeol, truly my knight in shining armor," Baekhyun teases, stopping their walk just to bow and salute at Chanyeol. “But really, I am honored, Yeol. I can’t wait, I know you always treat every one of your pieces like they’re your best and I’m a hundred percent sure it’ll sound awesome.”

“Thank you Hyunnie. My crown prince that steals my heart,” Chanyeol bows back and returns the salute, chuckling. Then in the most suave way imaginable with an air of mystery added, he winks and adds, “A small hint, I made it just for you.”

“Wh—what? Really? What is it about?” Baekhyun asks, getting more curious than ever, stopping their walk again just so he can cling onto Chanyeol’s arms. And he’s so sure this has got something to do with that time Chanyeol sang and had them dancing to Frank Sinatra’s _The Best Is Yet To Come_. Is the special project the thing the tall man was referring to?

“Nuh-uh, not telling,” Chanyeol grins at the way Baekhyun looks like a curious little kid that thinks a tiny flower as a very fascinating thing. So he braces himself for the incoming waves of Baekhyun’s cuteness that might dither his decision and spoil the surprise. “You’ll have to come to my studio tomorrow to find out about it.”

“Please?” Baekhyun starts to beg, now tiptoeing to show his wide smile close to Chanyeol’s face. Again, just like that time at the studio, he senses something different—but he just can’t point out what is it, or where Chanyeol is trying to direct him to. “Just a teensy tiny bit more hint since I only got a small one?"

“Nope.” Chanyeol pops out the syllable, giving Baekhyun a firm answer as he cradles Baekhyun’s cheeks in his hands. He was right, this time the stream of Baekhyun’s cuteness gets even stronger that makes him just want to tell Baekhyun about it right away… but he can’t. He’s going to make it as the best surprise for the small man.

“Cha-a-a-an,” Baekhyun pleads again, resorting to badger Chanyeol by prolonging the vowels of Chanyeol’s name and giving out his best puppy look with wide eyes and puffed out cheeks, hands tugging gently onto Chanyeol’s arms. “Chanyeo-o-o-ol. Please?”

“Too bad, baby,” Chanyeol says immediately, only replying the gesture by holding Baekhyun’s hands and directing his eyes to see anything other than Baekhyun’s face or else he’ll cave in right away to the adorable puppy in front of him. He can’t have another slip up just like when that time he sang Mr. Sinatra’s song for the small man at his studio. "Tomorrow.”

“Fine,” Baekhyun spouts, trying for the last time to give out his last attack of a puppy pout, even though he knows Chanyeol won’t relent just like last time. So when he sees Chanyeol just smiles knowingly at him and shakes his head, the pout on his face turns into a smile. “Alright, Yeol. I’ll be waiting.”

Softly squeezing Baekhyun’s cheeks that are entrapped in his hands, Chanyeol says, “Remember, it’s tomorrow. Okay? You’ll get to hear my masterpiece by then.”

“Okay! Wow, now I really can’t wait for my ears to be graced by your masterpiece,” Baekhyun laughs at that, cheeks rising up and eyes forming half moons. He adores Chanyeol’s pride in everything he does. But then at the thought of waiting for a whole full day just to hear it, he whines, “Can tomorrow come faster please? I want to hear it _now_.”

“Tomorrow will come soon enough, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol laughs at the sight of Baekhyun’s adorable pout resurfacing on his face, with the small man sulking and placing his tiny fists inside his jacket’s pockets to cling on him again. “Don’t worry.”

But then Baekhyun realizes something. “But Yeol, what if Junmyeon hyung gives me extra documents to work and sort? He’s been getting me to work more these days…” He looks down, his fingers now fidgeting with the hem of his coat sleeves, feeling sorry in case he has to cancel their meeting tomorrow.

“I am not your knight in shining armor if I don’t have all kinds of solution for my lovely prince right here.” Chanyeol replies, playing along to their previous roles. Then with his hand, he brings Baekhyun’s face to look up at him again.

"Now, just tell Junmyeon hyung that you are going to hear my special project. You’re literally working from Mondays to Saturdays, he knows you’ve worked enough. I’m one hundred percent sure he will understand and let you out early.” Chanyeol smiles proudly, as he pats the crown of Baekhyun’s head, enjoying the cute look of admiration Baekhyun sends him after he said the words.

“Really? That’s awesome! Let’s see if that trick works magic on Junmyeon hyung tomorrow, shall we? It’s going to be so cool if it does,” Baekhyun replies as he slips his hands under Chanyeol’s jacket to circle his waist, hugging him again. “Thank you, Yeol.”

“Sure, baby,” Chanyeol replies. But then his smile lowers a little bit, face showing a hint of regret. “But tomorrow I’ll be so busy, a particularly important potential client is coming and I’ll have to be with them all the time… I might not be able to pick you up—”

“Oh it’s okay, I’ll drive myself to the studio, Yeol. Good luck for tomorrow, show them your charms!” Baekhyun shows his balled fists up, cheering him with his wide grin.

But still Chanyeol frowns, eyes looking down to his fingers as he fiddles with his thumbs, his face now apologetic. “But—but is it okay if you drive by yourself to the studio—I want to accompany you, really—”

A gentle smile breaks on Baekhyun’s face, he still feels a bit touched Chanyeol cares so much about him and thinks of him all the time—it’s so cute. “Yeol, please. In case you don’t remember, I do that a lot. Besides, I’m not a little kid.”

The last sentence Baekhyun said gives Chanyeol an idea. Suddenly, he puts on his faux thinking face. Then he brings up his hand to the top of Baekhyun’s head then to his own head, as if he’s measuring Baekhyun’s height and comparing it to his own. “But you _are_ little—”

That erases the smile in Baekhyun’s face, in a flash it’s replaced with a fierce look that he hopes resembles a lion to scare Chanyeol off. “Park Chanyeol!”

Chanyeol laughs again, grinning at how cute Baekhyun looks like, the fierce look makes him look like an adorable lion cub more than anything. “Okay, okay! I was just kidding!” He puts up his hands up in surrender, after he sees Baekhyun’s hands ready to sneak inside his jacket again to tickle him. Never underestimate the power of Byun Baekhyun’s hands. “I’ll be waiting for you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Baekhyun chuckles and retracts back his hands. Then he lets go of the hug and continues inspecting the sky and the falling snow.

As he keeps watch on Baekhyun who’s now waving his arms at the sky, as if using his hands as his brush to paint the sky’s blue canvas, Chanyeol checks his watch. It’s still five minutes past twelve, so he still has time for another surprise he prepared for Baekhyun today… “Hyunnie, we still have a little less than an hour before you have to go back to your office, where do you want to go?”

Now spreading his arms like wings to catch the snowflakes, Baekhyun glances around, looking for an idea. “I’m not sure… I really want to go somewhere fun, but where…”

The answer Baekhyun gave him is just perfect for Chanyeol’s plan. Then he points his index finger at something in the distance, purposefully directing where they will be going. “Hyunnie, how about we go there?”

At the direction Chanyeol pointed, Baekhyun turns around and sees the ideal place to spend their time: a roller skating rink located across the city park’s main entrance. Turning back to face Chanyeol, with a genuinely thrilled look on his face, he tugs on the taller man’s jacket sleeves and points at the rink’s building. “It’s perfect! Let’s go roller skating, Yeol!”

“Let’s go, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol extends his right hand to Baekhyun, smiling at how excited Baekhyun is, with the small man’s eyes wide and starry with eagerness.

They walk out the city park hand in hand, with Baekhyun not forgetting to say goodbye to the ducks before leaving, and then they cross the road to reach the roller skating rink building. The building stands out from the others surrounding it—with a flashing bright sign saying _Forever 80s’ Skate Night_ and a general shape that resembles a puzzle in the form of a concrete cube covered with multicolored square windows, one glance from far away will remind people of a giant Rubik’s cube.

As soon as they’ve arrived at the roller skating rink grounds, opening the doors they’re greeted by the booming sounds of MC Hammer’s 1990 disco pop song _U Can’t Touch This_. The whole area’s enclosed space in dimmed condition makes them think like it’s already night inside when it’s still in the middle of noon outside.

In their right they find food stalls that spread delicious aroma of oily treats and loud, flashing bright lights coin operated game machines. In their left they find a corridor that leads to the locker room with its ceiling high stacks of red colored metal lockers and the skate rental station with beige colored quads lined in every row of the tall shelves. Looking straight from the lobby they’re standing at, there’s a wide entrance hall that leads to the spacious rink.

The rink is decorated in an all 80’s theme, complete with all the details that give them the feels of going back in time to the America in the 80’s, with a fusion of Korean oldies epoch. Everywhere their heads turn they’ll find neon signs swirling on the walls or above their heads, writing both Korean and English 80’s lingos in flashy lights. There are even movies and advertisement posters ranging from early 1980 to late 2000 pasted artistically on the walls, some reminding them of their childhood.

Just like any other skating rink, there’s a DJ booth in the corner, where a man with perm hair probably in his late thirties is controlling the music, wearing slogan tees under his neon jazzercise with parachute pants and a fanny pack circling his waist—an authentic 80’s look. Behind him there’s a tower of classic boomboxes stacked and three antique jukeboxes standing side by side as decoration. Surrounding the rink are black curtained walls with pictures of 80’s actors and actresses glued, numerous big paper stars stamped all over to sparkle under the blinking lights.

Despite it’s a work day and the gigantic wall clock hung in the farthest south of the rink shows it’s still twenty past twelve, they see quite a lot of people skating inside, dancing following the beat and singing along to the song. And they find in the middle of the rink a group of people doing roller skate limbo, with Chanyeol pointing people out and commenting about some that are making weird, questionable moves, making Baekhyun to clamp a hand over the tall man’s mouth before laughing along.

Letting go his hold on Baekhyun’s hand, Chanyeol goes over to the ticketing booth and buys two passes for him and Baekhyun.

As he waits for Chanyeol to come back from buying them tickets, Baekhyun watches from the side, silently cheering and clapping for the skaters doing the limbo. It seems like they’re currently at the last stage of the game, with the wooden pole used as the horizontal bar for the skaters to pass is lowered close to the ground. The crowd whoops in delight after seeing a particularly flexible skater does a split and passes the wooden pole in one swift motion.

“Hyunnie, I’ve got our tickets and here’s our locker tokens, let’s grab some quads!” Chanyeol excitedly calls for Baekhyun after he’s back with two papers of ticket on his hand. Then he links Baekhyun’s arm with his, smiling at Baekhyun’s delighted face as the latter has his eyes still glued to the limbo game.

Glancing at Chanyeol and the tickets the tall man in his hand, Baekhyun’s smile turns into a wide grin as he replies just as excited, “Let’s go!”

Then they happily walk together back to the lobby to get the equipment they need to skate. After they’re done bickering with Chanyeol fussing over Baekhyun’s safety—trying to get him helmet, kneecaps and elbow pads—and the latter refusing to wear such—they go to the rental station to rent a locker to store their shoes and exchanged them with two pairs of old looking traditional quadline skates.

With gears ready, they walk away from the rental station, only wearing their socks with skates dangling from their hands, to find some seats at one of the rainbow-colored carpeted benches lined near the mouth of the rink’s entrance. After they’re done tying up the last knot of the laces of their skates, hand in hand they glide slowly to enter the smoothly polished and enclosed wooden floor of the rink, joining the masses of people skating along to MC Hammer’s rap. They come right in time to find the group of people that was doing the limbo is now starting to form a train.

“Hey cutie, come join us.” A man probably in the same age as them suddenly presents his hand towards Baekhyun, smiling. The man is wearing a vintage 80’s Members Only jacket, which looks like a cross between a British Harrington jacket and a café racer motorcycle jacket, with his hair styled to look like Angus MacGyver, complete with the trademark mullet.

If it weren’t for Baekhyun at his side, Chanyeol would start throwing hands and cursing at this unwanted man to leave him and _his boyfriend_ alone. How can this witless wonder of a failed MacGyver lookalike not see Baekhyun is with _him_ , holding _his_ hand?

Actually, Baekhyun is going to refuse, he wants to spend all of his time with Chanyeol in this first day of snow. But after he turns his head and sees the outright annoyance look on Chanyeol’s face, he also sees a chance to play a bit with Chanyeol. Then he tiptoes a bit to reach Chanyeol’s ear and whispers seductively, “Are you jealous?”

“Jealous? Me? N-no,” Chanyeol replies way too fast, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible although failing miserably with his splutter. He’s trying so much not to fall into the trap, but his hand betrays his words as its grip grows tighter on Baekhyun’s hand. “Absolutely not.”

“Really?” Baekhyun continues to tease, smirking and bringing their linked hands up to his face level, showing it in front of Chanyeol’s flustered face. “But your hand seems to say otherwise?”

“I’m just—you know—I’m just holding your hand just so you won’t slip or fall down,” Chanyeol tries to reason feebly, cheeks reddening. This is just another time out of many where he feels Baekhyun with his deadly charm is more powerful than every force on earth. Then he clears his throat, trying to change his voice into a more casual tone. “You can have your fun, go dance and sing—”

“Okay then, see you later, Yeol!” Baekhyun exclaims, grinning in victory. Without letting Chanyeol finish his sentence, he lets go of Chanyeol’s grip on his right hand and in turn takes the man with the MacGyver mullet’s hand.

“But while we’re apart don’t give your heart to anyone!” Chanyeol can only call out loudly as his last tight hold on Baekhyun’s left hand loosens, and he sees Baekhyun smiling politely at the man that is already pulling his Baekhyun to the center of the rink to complete the chain of the train.

No matter how much Chanyeol tries to sound as blasé as possible, he can’t help himself to feel apprehensive of rivals eyeing and staring a moment too long at Baekhyun. He knows it’s been ten years of them together but he’s still a little bit jealous over people fawning over his Baekhyun. Okay, maybe a lot.

“I’ll save the last dance for you!” Baekhyun shouts, as he looks back to send a cheeky grin and blow a goodbye kiss at Chanyeol. Jealous Chanyeol means two things: the rebirth of a cute five years old Chanyeol that won’t let his hands go or yet another appearance of a mischievous Chanyeol with his sly smiles and tricks. He really can’t wait to see what the tall man has for him after this.

Watching from far away, at first Chanyeol planned to join in the train to spy on the sly MacGyver mullet man, but realizing he’s too distracted by the image of another man’s covetous hands holding Baekhyun’s waist, he decides to stay at the side. Two women a little bit younger than him come to his side, gossiping annoyingly and hinting to him about how they’re interested into him, so he decides to do a fake phone call to loudly speak of how much he loves his _gorgeous boyfriend Baekhyun_ just to get rid of them before he glides away to another side of the rink.

Then as Chanyeol watches over the train of skaters zigzagging around the rink, keeping his hawk-eyes at Baekhyun who seems to laugh louder and enjoying his time even without him at his side, accidentally his eyes catch the DJ booth at the corner. Now he has an idea of a little, spontaneous surprise.

Leaving his post, Chanyeol stealthily glides his way towards the DJ booth, letting the stream of skaters to hide him from view.

Meanwhile, Baekhyun is still enjoying the feeling of going on a rollercoaster while getting pulled by the train of people, with the MacGyver mullet man’s hands on his waist. But even so, he can’t lie to himself, throughout the time when he has his hands holding a stranger’s shoulders—he’s too awkward to hold someone’s waist that isn’t Chanyeol—and skating fast crisscrossing the rink, his eyes are always wandering to find Chanyeol. He was planning to give the tall man his smiles to show how happy he is, to make him feel flustered, but so far in every direction he looks at, he can’t find Chanyeol’s tall figure.

The only one time Baekhyun gets a look at Chanyeol is ten minutes ago, and he swears he saw two women approaching Chanyeol at the rink’s railings…

Truthfully Baekhyun is a little bit worried, he fully well knows it’s been a decade of him and Chanyeol in a relationship, but he still has a sharp pang of envy whenever he sees people falling over themselves just for a glimpse of his Chanyeol. He actually only lets the MacGyver mullet man to grab on his coat instead of his waist, he doesn’t like anyone other than Chanyeol to touch his body anyway…

Separating himself from the group after the train dance session ends, and paying no mind to the MacGyver mullet man’s subtle hints to get his number, Baekhyun looks around him to find the tall man is really nowhere to be found. Turning around several times, he only finds people gliding past him. He’s about to ask someone if they ever seen a handsome tall man in jeans with blue hair when—

Michael Jackson’s 1983 disco funk pop song _P.Y.T. – Pretty Young Thing_ starts to blast on the speakers.

“This is a special request song from a man for his cute little one in the yellow colored coat!” The DJ blares, holding his bulky microphone up high as he points at someone in the crowd.

At the sudden loud sound, Baekhyun automatically turns in shock in the direction of the DJ booth, cheeks reddening as he realizes the DJ just mentioned him and his details, and the person the DJ is pointing at is actually himself. He looks around to find people smiling at him since apparently he’s also the only one wearing a yellow coat.

Smiling shyly and blushing profusely, Baekhyun’s eyes scan the rink area for the only person he knows is responsible behind the DJ’s actions. Then just right in time, the crowd opens and reveals Chanyeol gliding closer to him, a teasing lopsided smirk painted on his face. And as expected, Chanyeol is mouthing Mr. Jackson’s intro lines of the song with his eyes staring intently only on him.

_You know you, you make me feel so good inside  
I always wanted someone just like you_

Baekhyun is love struck, thousand times over. Chanyeol in his light blue oversized Levi’s Trucker denim jacket, its sleeves slightly rolled up to show his golden Rolex watch on his right hand glinting under the bright lights, his lean and muscular body prominent under his white t-shirt, long legs covered by his loose fitting ripped jeans, gliding his way to him as his right hand slicks back his striking phthalo blue fringe…

To Baekhyun, the rink’s black ceiling and its hanging big strobes giving out lights and shining different colors in the spectrum that fall upon their bodies somehow makes Chanyeol thousand times more beautiful, like being up at the space and seeing a handsome intergalactic king that only has his eyes on him… he can feel himself slowly pulled in to the charming attractive force that Chanyeol radiates…

“Hey pretty young thing, come join me.” Chanyeol says in his low, sultry voice, mirroring the MacGyver mullet man’s words who snatched Baekhyun away earlier added with Mr. Jackson’s words. He’s going to show how better he is than that man, and how good he’ll treat Baekhyun. Then he stops one meter in front of the open-mouthed small man, extending his right hand, smirk still in place.

_Where did you come from honey?  
And ooh, won’t you take me there right away won’t you baby?_

Waking up from his dazed state at the sight of a very attractive Chanyeol talking to him with his husky voice, Baekhyun can’t contain his laugh as he points at himself, looking at Chanyeol who’s now pointing again at him and nodding eagerly. Then he glides closer, taking Chanyeol’s hand. “Hey pretty young thing yourself.”

“How was your time Mr. MacGyver Mullet Man?” Chanyeol questions Baekhyun, while looking down at their moving feet, now trying to sound as if he’s just asking what time it is. “Fun?”

“Fun, he even treated me like I’m the only one in the world. He’s nice.” Baekhyun replies easily with a shrug, riling Chanyeol up and enjoying the way Chanyeol’s head snaps up to look at him with a disgruntled look on his face and how Chanyeol’s grip on his hands grows tighter.

But then Baekhyun gives in, showing the best smile he has for Chanyeol. As he stares into Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon eyes he adds, “He and any other people might try to get me by asking me for a dance or my number, but you shouldn’t worry about them since they got nothing on you.”

Without realizing he’s being watched closely by Baekhyun, Chanyeol releases his clenched grip on the small man’s hand, lets out a relieved sigh and a chuckle, smiling.

Of course Baekhyun’s eyes don’t miss the gesture Chanyeol is showing involuntarily and he’s unable to stop his grin from appearing after seeing Chanyeol’s pleased smile, but he still has something to ask. Then with an air of as if he’s just asking what today’s date is, comes his turn to interrogate Chanyeol. “How about you? Found someone or two interesting alongside the rink’s perimeter?”

“A few people came by to see me and they were nice too,” Chanyeol replies, trying to get back at Baekhyun by provoking the small man, while holding back his amused laughter after seeing Baekhyun’s turn to snap his head in shock and the way Baekhyun suddenly tugs on his hands hard.

Looking at sullen look on Baekhyun’s face, with his own touch of sweet words for his Baekhyun, Chanyeol laughs as he echoes what Baekhyun just said to him, “There might be gorgeous people all over the world chasing me right now and trying to get my attention, but my time would be wasted on them because they got nothing on you, baby.”

Finally Baekhyun gets his share of breathing out in relief, laughing along with Chanyeol at the words the tall man just said for him.

_Tender honey you’ve got to be_  
Spark my nature  
Sugar, fly with me 

“To think about it, I did find someone that really catches my interest.” Chanyeol abruptly adds, putting on his faux indifferent face, while battling the strong urge to laugh yet again at Baekhyun’s face that shows a look of shock for the second time. He has another idea to tease the small man.

The sentence stops Baekhyun’s laugh, his throat suddenly feeling as if an invisible hand is choking him tight. He checks Chanyeol’s face, trying to see if Chanyeol is lying or joking, but all he sees is the tall man turning his head to looking over at the rink’s outskirts, as if he’s really searching for someone who’s waiting for him there. So his initial reaction is to frown as he furiously tries to find the person Chanyeol is also looking for. Then he splutters, “Wha—Chanyeol, who?”

Mustering all of his willpower to keep his face detached, calm and composed, Chanyeol decides to drop the bomb. “Olivia.”

“Oliv—what? Chanyeol what the hell?” Baekhyun asks, his voice loud. So what’s the point of all those lunch surprise, the rendition of what home really is for them as they listened to Bobby Darin back at the city park, the Neruda poem business and this unscripted roller skating time? Jaw dropping, face turning alarming red as if he’s about to explode, and seeing Chanyeol not doing anything, he decides to walk out, trying to detach his hands from Chanyeol’s grasp. “I’m just—I need to get—”

“Wait!” Chanyeol quickly stops Baekhyun from moving, maintaining his strong grip on both of the small man’s hands. Then he lets out his suave smile, despite he’s close to cower from seeing Baekhyun’s deadly glare. “Now, do as I say. Repeat the name quickly.”

Obviously wounded and baffled, but somehow Baekhyun follows what Chanyeol instructs him. Maybe it’s the tall man’s smile that’s gotten into him. “Oh-li-via.”

“Again, say it faster,” Chanyeol encourages, not taking no as an answer as his smile turns into a grin. And when Baekhyun only looks at him with a slightly weirded out face, he tugs on Baekhyun’s hands and adds, “Go on, faster!”

“Oh-lee-via…” Baekhyun tries for the second time as he unconsciously holds back Chanyeol’s hands. Only now he realizes something under the name he just started to loathe a minute ago… “Oh-lee-vya? Ah-leev-ya…”

Seeing the still confused look in Baekhyun’s face, Chanyeol deems it’s time for him to help Baekhyun find the right words that’s intended for him. Grinning cheekily, he places his head at the same level as Baekhyun’s and casually says, “I love ya, Hyunnie.”

“Park Chanyeol!” Baekhyun roars as he realizes the hidden trick of Chanyeol’s wordplay, his hands deftly hitting Chanyeol’s shoulder while the latter cackles away at him. Seeing his hands don’t have much effect, he adds, “I’m going to—I swear to God I don’t know I’m going to tickle you to death because it’s so lame and cheesy or because you almost got me a heart attack—but thank God—”

“What do you think it’s going to be?” Chanyeol laughs, now doubling over as Baekhyun changes his tactic by tickling him. He really does enjoy teasing Baekhyun, and this one is to pay back Baekhyun for the MacGyver mullet man stunt, he still remembers how his number one fear was not having Baekhyun again with him. “Don’t you know I only live for you and I only long for you? I only love you, that’s all I do.”

_Don’t you know now is the perfect time we can make it right, hit the city lights  
Then tonight ease the loving pain, let me take you to the max_

Still in a state of wanting to laugh at how silly Chanyeol can be just to tease and make him laugh, but at the same time wanting to cry out again at how scared he was to lose Chanyeol, under his breath Baekhyun mutters the continuation of his unfinished sentence. “Thank God I love you.”

Of course Chanyeol doesn’t miss that when he only has all of his senses to be aware of Baekhyun’s every gesture. “What’s that?” He chuckles, extending his hand for Baekhyun to take.

Seeing Chanyeol’s proud look at his successful attempt on pranking him, Baekhyun finally lets his laughter to come out in full force and takes Chanyeol’s hand, too embarrassed to reply.

“So… Am I too late? Am I running out of time to get the last dance with you?” Chanyeol chuckles, asking for the promise Baekhyun gave him, as he speeds up their glide across the rink, taking a still flustered but laughing heartily Baekhyun to glide faster around the rink.

“Here’s my very last dance for you,” Baekhyun announces with a soft smile, after they slows down to just a stroll. He’s more than glad he still has his Chanyeol. “I’m not forgetting the only man who gets to take me home, the only man whose arms I’ll always end up at.”

“My baby is back,” Chanyeol coos, feeling a great deal happier to have his Baekhyun with him again. Then he brings Baekhyun’s hands to his own face just so Baekhyun can cup his cheeks, which the chuckling small man gladly responds by caressing and squeezing it gently. “Mine and my one and only.”

They dance along to the electric bass lengthy solo part, doing all sorts of moves, all the while circling the rink with other skaters enjoying their time. Chanyeol even tries to do Michael Jackson’s popular crotch grab and pelvic thrust move that makes Baekhyun laugh so much, which eventually make him to laugh as well and they have to stop for a while to take a breath or else they’ll slip and fall flat on their asses—which they’re close on doing for a few times.

As the last riff of the electric bass is heard, Chanyeol readies himself. It’s his cue to start the second phase of his plan with the DJ. Smiling wide, he extends his arm, offering his hand for Baekhyun. “Now hold my hand and I’ll never let you go.”

“I’ll never leave if you keep holding me this way.” Baekhyun replies right away, returning the smile. Gladly he takes Chanyeol’s hands, gripping it tight as Chanyeol brings them gliding forward. He’s not planning to let go any time soon, and not that the thought ever crossed his mind anyway, for the fact holding the tall man’s hands always brings him happiness—whether by leading him to dance around the space of their apartment and laugh all night or by taking him to places for unexpected last minute trips across cities or countries.

As he brings Baekhyun skating on the skirts of the rink, Chanyeol suddenly rotates himself to face Baekhyun. Still guiding and leading their way, he links both of his and Baekhyun’s hands together and starts to move backwards, this time having them gliding face to face around the rink. Even under the dim lights, with the glint of happiness in Baekhyun’s eyes so bright only just for him, he feels luminous and wired, Baekhyun’s smiling face glowing in the dark. To flow smoothly backwards and to see Baekhyun laughing cheerfully while holding his hands in front of him… he doesn’t need anything else. He only wants to make sure wherever he takes Baekhyun is only to the places where the small man can be happy with him.

Cruising around the skating rink, to enjoy being inside dark and wondrous space of the rink, colorful lights flashing following the beat of the song and having Chanyeol smiling at him and holding his hands… Baekhyun doesn’t need anything else.

_I want to love you, pretty young thing_  
You need some lovin’, tender love and care  
And I’ll take you there 

As they glide, every part of their bodies rolling following the rhythm of the synthesizer, shoulders popping, hips swaying, and head bouncing along—laughing away at their silly moves and not caring about a thing as long as they have each other’s hands—in the dim space with the rainbow lights as their only illumination.

“Everyone, it’s time for some more fun! Now form two lines and stand in front of your partner!” The DJ shouts into his microphone, which is dangling on its flashy blue metallic cord from the high ceiling, as the bridge part of the song comes on. “If you’re alone, find a stranger and maybe you’re your love today!”

“I’m calling dibs on this lovely one right here!” Chanyeol shouts loudly out of nowhere, still keeping his eyes on Baekhyun as he brings their linked hands high up in the air, proudly showing it for everyone to see. Almost every time he looks around, he can see a few people’s heads turning to watch wherever Baekhyun goes, so he needs to protect his Baekhyun.

The crowd laughs at that, and starts to divide themselves to form two lines facing each other. With everyone clapping their hands along the beats of the drum and the guitar riffs, there’s one line ready with skaters settled on the metallic grey railings in the half curve of the rink’s boundary.

“Yeol!” Baekhyun hushes as his face reddens, after the crowd is too busy to sort themselves into two lines. He’s embarrassed but he’s unable to stop himself from smiling wide. “People are listening!”

“Sorry love, but I don’t really care what people say when we’re together!” Chanyeol shouts again, grinning cheekily as he glides backwards to join the first line, leaving Baekhyun to take his ranks with the people in the second line. “I’ll be holding nothing back when it comes to you!”

_Pretty young things, repeat after me  
Say, na-na-na_

Taking his position in front of Baekhyun, grinning wide and watching Baekhyun’s cheeks rising up while growing redder, Chanyeol and the people in the first line sing along to Michael Jackson’s high tenor voice with their hands placed next their ears. “Say, na-na-na!”

Grinning and laughing back at Chanyeol, who’s trying to imitate Michael Jackson’s signature look with his own comical seductive look, Baekhyun alongside the people in the second line shouts back, “Na-na-na!”

_Na-na-na-a-na_

This time, it’s Baekhyun’s turn to call for Chanyeol, while making a beckoning gesture with both of his index fingers to Chanyeol and laughing to his heart’s content. “Na-na-na-a-na!”

“Na-na-na-a-na!” Chanyeol replies, laughing as he inches closer to Baekhyun with his amusing flirtatious face directed at Baekhyun, trying to do the famous Moonwalk.

_Say, na-na-na_

Now comes Chanyeol’s turn again. He makes a gesture of pulling an invisible rope circling on Baekhyun’s waist in time with the _na-na-na_ s, as he glides slowly forward.

“Na-na-na!” As he repeats the word, Baekhyun replies the gesture with the same vigor by pretending he’s really dragged by coming closer to Chanyeol in each pull, laughing. Then he arrives in front of Chanyeol in time as he finishes singing the last syllable.

Coming impossibly closer to Baekhyun, Chanyeol traps the smaller in his embrace with his arms around Baekhyun’s waist while expertly gliding backwards, bringing them smoothly moving around the rink again. “Hey, baby.”

“Hey, baby.” Baekhyun greets, smiling at the sight of satisfied smirk in Chanyeol’s face. So far, the dance and the way Chanyeol treats him just now… amazing. His cheeks even start to hurt a bit from too much smiling and laughing, because everything Chanyeol does is unrivaled, always entertaining for them.

Then unexpectedly, when they’re right in the middle of the rink with people passing and circling them, Chanyeol kneels down in front of Baekhyun. From his position, he tilts his head up to look into Baekhyun’s eyes, right hand holding Baekhyun’s stretched one tightly.

Looking down, Baekhyun can see how Chanyeol’s previously joking and flirty aura is suddenly gone, replaced with a serious, slightly nervous look. With his free left hand, he covers his mouth, is this it? The time when Chanyeol will ask him the question of a lifetime?

Just like any time of the day, Chanyeol has his eyes only for Baekhyun. “Will you…”

Those two words Chanyeol just said succeed to make Baekhyun’s knees weak from anticipation. Is this what’s going to happen after all the lunch surprise, listening to Mr. Darin’s _Beyond the Sea_ and its home relevance for them, Neruda words and roller skating impromptu? He can feel his heart is going to leap out of his chest. He’s been waiting for this moment for so long…

There’s a hard, calculating look on Chanyeol’s eyes as he moves his free left hand slowly down towards their feet to reach for something hidden. Is he going to say it for Baekhyun now, his most important promise? “Will you…”

It feels as if the clock is ticking ten times slower and the suspense is getting Baekhyun figuratively on tiptoes. _Will you_ what? A whole one hundred percent of him wishes for words that will ask him to spend his life with Chanyeol for the longest of time to fall from the tall man’s mouth after that…

“Will you… step aside a bit? You stepped on your loosened laces,” Chanyeol finishes, smirking in triumph as his hands move to tie Baekhyun’s quad’s laces deftly. “Let me tie it up again for you.”

Blushing profusely and chuckling slightly, Baekhyun only manages to blurt out jumbled sentences. “Oh my god—Yeol—I thought you were going to—”

Chanyeol’s smirk grows wider as he finishes tightening the last knot, looking up to see the amused smile mirrored in Baekhyun’s eyes that are trained on him. Then he takes Baekhyun’s hands again, holding it gently. Just like always, he knows what’s in Baekhyun’s mind—Baekhyun just need to wait a little more, the time for the question he’ll ask for only once is his life is coming soon. “I was going to what?”

For the indecipherable resolute look in Chanyeol’s eyes, which seems to leave a strong hint of a promise for better days behind the lopsided smirk, and the calming rubs on the back of his hands, Baekhyun knows that the time for him to give _yes_ as an answer for once and forever will come soon. It’s the same look he sees that becomes the reason why he trusts Chanyeol with his life. Smiling softly, he caresses Chanyeol’s hair fondly and replies, “Nothing.”

“What—” Still kneeling, Chanyeol is going to tease Baekhyun again, but before he manages to finish a word, Baekhyun cuts him short.

Filled with a complex, overwhelming happiness towards the grinning man in front of him, Baekhyun doesn’t give any chance for Chanyeol to let out what he wanted to say. Instead, with both of his hands he cups Chanyeol’s cheeks to bring him standing again. Then in a blur of seconds, he pulls Chanyeol’s head close to his and gives the tall man a slow kiss, the movement of his lips tender and caring, softly taking care each of Chanyeol’s lips.

All of the words Chanyeol was about to say is swallowed back and his mouth only moves compliantly to follow Baekhyun’s, before he changes the angle of their heads to kiss Baekhyun better as he’s unable to resist Baekhyun’s lips. After they parted, now it’s his turn to blush, cherry red roses sprouting on his cheeks. In the languidly building kiss Baekhyun just gave him, he can sense an unspoken promise of an answer to his question. “What—what’s that for—”

“Nothing,” Baekhyun says again for the second time, chuckling at the way it’s Chanyeol’s turn to be shocked just like him minutes ago as he traces Chanyeol’s cheekbones fondly with his thumb. To him, the kiss is his promise for Chanyeol, that he trusts the tall man wholly and that he’ll wait for him with an answer he already found since years ago ready. “I just want to kiss you, Yeol. Because I love you.”

“I love you too, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol whispers, only having a fleeting glance of the loving look on Baekhyun’s dark mahogany eyes before the small man closes their distance again, kissing him with their eyes closed, mouths dancing and lips curling up into smiles.

_Nothing can stop this burning desire to be with you, got to get to you, baby_

As Mr. Jackson’s voice is heard again among the loud beatings of their hearts, Chanyeol shakes his head, coming back from the depth of Baekhyun’s another charm—the kisses of Baekhyun’s lips on his. But no matter how much he wants to make out with Baekhyun right now, sadly he has to redirect his mind to another thing now, he still has surprises waiting to be given for Baekhyun. So then he sneaks his head closer to Baekhyun’s. “I’ve been watching you dance, and in the glint of your eyes and your every move… you got something that I have long been missing, so addictive that I just can’t get enough of you.”

Even with the sparkling disco ball revolving over their heads following their moves around the rink, creating patterns of colorful dots on their bodies from the laser lights on the floor pointing up to the ceiling, Baekhyun can see how there’s a change of the light casted from Chanyeol’s eyes—something like a craving desire a predator has for its prey… wait no, there’s something else behind it, something that clearly states the tall man wants to make sure he feels good—it’s directed at him and it makes him feel so pleasurably lightheaded, a curiosity pulling him into the depth of those mesmerizing eyes…

“Don’t you know that I love you so much?” Chanyeol whispers alluringly, his voice in its lowest tone and just above a whisper, arms winding around Baekhyun’s midriff with his fingers leaving feathery but burning all the same traces.

“I—uh—I do…” Baekhyun stutters, mind hazy and unable to string a sentence. At their faces’ close proximity, in an instant his eyes are magnetized into Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon eyes and plush red lips, unable to get a word out as if under Chanyeol’s powerfully and mysteriously attractive spell…

Skillfully maintaining his balance as he glides backwards, Chanyeol keeps his and Baekhyun’s lips so close their breaths rolling against each other’s but not really touching, teasing Baekhyun with sloppy pecks instead. “Can’t you feel it when we touch?”

The feel of Chanyeol’s hands wandering on his body, from only swarming on his waist and sides to the point of going dangerously close to his bottom but never really coming into contact, is too addicting. Baekhyun can only fist his hands on Chanyeol’s jacket and t-shirt, sighing with his cheeks burning but at the same time wanting… more? “Yeol, I’m—”

Brushing his lips to explore Baekhyun’s face lightly, just slightly tracing the lips and cheeks in a way he knows can make Baekhyun’s mind goes haywire, Chanyeol breathes out, “You don’t understand what you do to me when you hold another man’s hand.”

Baekhyun doesn’t know what has gotten into him but Chanyeol’s implicitly provocative smirk, Chanyeol’s mint natural aroma, Chanyeol’s desirable lips on his, Chanyeol’s hands all over him—everything about Chanyeol makes his head go fuzzy—effectively make his care just fly out of the window, he’s going to show how Chanyeol is his, and his only. So, without much thinking he surges forward and tries to catch Chanyeol’s lips, but the tall man only glides away from him, laughing with secrets in his smiles.

Loving the way Baekhyun reacts to his treatments, Chanyeol smirks. Now it’s his turn to play coy, hands removed from Baekhyun’s body, head inching further, only keeping one hold of Baekhyun’s hand as he brings them gliding around the rink again. “I can’t hold you too close now, everything in you are too compelling, that distracts me from whatever else happening around me.”

_Won’t you come, it’s emergency, cool my fire yearning honey come set me free_

Spell broken, Baekhyun can only stare at the retreating back Chanyeol, somehow even just from that he feels a deep longing that goes higher than lust, much purer and honest—he just wants to keep Chanyeol by his side and keep him safe. Holding on tight to Chanyeol’s hand, he blurts out, “Don’t let me go.”

“I will never let you go, Hyunnie. Don’t worry,” Chanyeol replies, smiling at the view of his adorable lost puppy in front of him. No matter what he says and no matter how the world turns, he can never let Baekhyun go, anyway. Then he decides to slip out of his playful side and takes Baekhyun into his arms again. “Nothing else matters when I have you with me, when I’m holding you in my arms.”

“Nothing beats the feeling of me being right here beside you now, Yeol.” Baekhyun whispers softly close to Chanyeol’s ear, closing his eyes as he curls into Chanyeol’s embrace, feeling more than delighted to finally able to circle his arms around Chanyeol’s midriff. He’s not going to let go, ever.

Chuckling softly while hugging Baekhyun tightly in his arms, Chanyeol sees a prince who soon he’ll ask to be his king, to be beside him forever. Ruffling Baekhyun’s hair gently, he gives him his widest grin, hoping Baekhyun can see his wish. “Beside you I could be a king.”

Looking up to Chanyeol, Baekhyun sees a king he’s going to build an empire and spend an eternity with. Then he lets out his sincerest smile, hoping Chanyeol knows what he has in his mind. “And kings we are, together.”

_Don’t you know now is the perfect time_  
We can dim the lights just to make it right in the night  
Hit the loving spot I’ll give you all that I’ve got 

“I love you so much, Hyunnie. And you know what, more love is coming your way from me. Everyday I’ll show you how much of a treasure you are to me,” Chanyeol says softly as he stops gliding and finally lets Baekhyun kiss him, with one hand securely resting on Baekhyun’s waist and the other holding Baekhyun’s face. Then he chuckles, “For now one of the ways to show how you worth more than anything and anyone is for me to kiss you. So watch out for more kisses from me.”

“I'll be more than glad to receive every single kiss you have for me, Yeol,” Baekhyun smiles as he reaches up, kissing again the pair of lips he cherishes the most tenderly, which Chanyeol reciprocates just as much. He only lets go of their kiss for a moment just to laugh at Chanyeol’s teasing and how he can never resist to anything Chanyeol. Then while his eyes are fluttering open again, he breathes out, “I love you so much too. More than anything and anyone.”

Of course Chanyeol doesn’t stop there, next he kisses the bridge of Baekhyun’s nose, eyelids, and cheeks, chanting _I love you_ s and _you mean so much to me_ after every kiss, earning him more of Baekhyun’s laugh to hold dear in his heart.

_I want to love you, pretty young thing_  
You need some lovin’, tender love and care  
And I’ll take you there 

This time Chanyeol’s favorite part comes, where the King of Pop added smooching sounds towards the end of the song. Again he kisses Baekhyun’s laughing lips, with the song as his cue.

“Sometimes I just can’t believe that I get to be your man,” Chanyeol sighs contentedly as he cups Baekhyun’s cheek, eyes darting between Baekhyun’s eyes and lips. He then closes the distance of their lips and kisses Baekhyun gently. “Not only I get to kiss you to show how much I love you, I also get to kiss you just because I can.”

“Believe it.” Baekhyun whispers, his hot breath blowing onto Chanyeol’s face, as he goes to circle his arms on Chanyeol’s neck to pull Chanyeol down and kisses the tall man breathless. He locks his lips with Chanyeol’s, lightly sweeping the tip of his tongue on Chanyeol’s lower lip, as his hands slide down to roam on Chanyeol’s chest.

Chanyeol can only comply as he wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s body, replying back the kiss with deeply and even more passion. He gently slides his tongue into Baekhyun’s open mouth, exploring and slightly biting Baekhyun’s lower lip, as his hands move to rest on Baekhyun’s back and nape, stroking the dark chocolate hair he loves so much.

Even in the slightly darkened space, under the colorful lights their kiss grows ablaze. With the warmth of their bodies fusing, hands holding each other tight, and their lips caressing each other’s, they can’t help but for their minds to be completely oblivious to anyone else as the electric guitar riffs guide them moving. They only pull out their heads when they’re gasping for breath, eyes only on each other’s, laughing heartily with no care to the world.

Then the song comes to an end and the crowd slowly disperses, clapping while bowing to each other until Michael Jackson’s voice ceases and the song’s outro fades. And not long after the song ends, the DJ announces it’s Couples Only slow dance session. When the people in the rink reduced into just a few couples, from the speakers Chicago’s 1984 ballad _You’re The Inspiration_ flows to accompany the deliberate tempo dance.

_You know our love was meant to be_  
The kind of love that last forever  
And I want you here with me  
From tonight until the end of time 

The song is too perfect for them, and Chanyeol can’t resist asking Baekhyun to having another dance with him. Smiling sweetly, he extends his left hand and bows slightly before he says, “May I have this last, last dance with you?”

Baekhyun chuckles at the wording of Chanyeol’s tempting preposition. And seeing the smile Chanyeol gives him, he knows he can’t turn down the request. So, as he smiles back just as sweet, he takes Chanyeol’s hand. “Yes, you may.”

Then with his left hand Chanyeol clasps and lifts Baekhyun’s right hand slightly, while he escorts Baekhyun to the now less occupied rink, gliding fluidly with him across before he stops them right in the middle. He automatically places his right hand on Baekhyun’s waist and his left hand gently grasps Baekhyun’s right hand to bring it up into his shoulder level.

Like a key fitting into its lock, Baekhyun’s left hand instinctively perches onto Chanyeol’s shoulder, while his right hand intertwines with Chanyeol’s. They smile to each other, savoring the moment and each other’s presence, as their feet glide together at a slow pace.

_You should know, everywhere I go_  
You’re always on my mind, in my heart  
In my soul, baby 

“Aquí te amo,” Chanyeol whispers suddenly when their faces are only a few inches apart, eyes staring raptly into Baekhyun’s eyes as he leads them to glide rhythmically with the song’s piano strings. This is another part of his many surprises for Baekhyun. “Te estoy amando aún entra estas frías cosas.”

Looking up to stare back into Chanyeol’s eyes, Baekhyun gasps softly. The Spanish words seem familiar, is it a line from another poem—

As if he hears Baekhyun’s thought, while still gracefully conducting their movements to progress around the rink, Chanyeol chuckles and recites again the lines in English, “Here I love you. I love you still among these cold things.”

In Chanyeol’s face, Baekhyun can see it—the upturn of Chanyeol’s lips that forms a bright smile and a tender look in the glint of Chanyeol’s eyes.

Not waiting for Baekhyun to reply, Chanyeol continues with his surprise. “It’s a few of Pablo Neruda’s _Soneto XVIII, Aquí te amo_ , Here I love you. I memorized that one just for you.”

Again hearing Chanyeol’s effort and presented with Pablo Neruda’s words that are accompanied by a look of sincerity so pure in Chanyeol’s eyes… Baekhyun knows this is just another time when Chanyeol is giving him so much of his love. While they’re swaying back and forth and moving in a circle, he smiles softly and whispers back, “Yo también te amo.”

_You’re the meaning in my life_  
You bring feelings to my life  
You’re the inspiration 

Grinning sheepishly, now leading them to slide sideways, Chanyeol whispers again, “Um—I know _Te amo_ means I love you, but what’s—what’s _yo_ —”

Baekhyun smiles fondly at how Chanyeol’s demeanor turns from a handsome man delivering a romantic line in Spanish to again, a little five years old kid trying to remember what’s five plus five. Chuckling, he answers, “It means _I love you too_ , Yeol.”

“Ah!” Chanyeol removes his right hand from Baekhyun’s waist for moment just to snap his fingers, before he links it back again and narrows their distance to dance in a close embrace. Lifting his left hand up high, he spins Baekhyun’s body in an underarm turn. “Yes, I was _just_ going to say that.”

“Yeol, please.” Baekhyun laughs, enjoying the rotate that feels much better while skating than ballroom dancing, feeling the swish of air slipping through his body and Chanyeol’s tender look on him as he turns on his axis.

When Baekhyun is back in Chanyeol’s arms, carefully he pulls Baekhyun into a tight hug again, with the small man automatically finding his way inside his embrace, closing his eyes at the warmth. “Hyunnie.”

As they leisurely spin around with their bodies close and swaying to the slow rhythm of the song, Baekhyun’s eyes fall on the giant wall clock, it’s ten minutes to 1 PM. Slowly disentangling himself from Chanyeol’s bear hug, he whispers, “Yeol, time to get back.”

“Can’t you just skip work and dance with me? It’s the couple dance session.” Chanyeol sulks as he wraps his arms around Baekhyun again and scoots closer to hug Baekhyun tight. He then lowers his head to snuggle into the space between the crook of Baekhyun’s neck and shoulder, eyes fluttering as if he’s ready to sleep.

“Aren’t you the one who told me to finish work first when we danced to Mr. Darin? And I can’t skip work, Junmyeon hyung’s gonna kill me, Yeol,” Baekhyun chuckles, seeing the posture Chanyeol is sporting looks like a kid trying to prolong his playtime. He places his hands on Chanyeol’s back, lightly brushing it up and down. “And you too, if I tell him you made me do it.”

Chanyeol abruptly turns his head up, almost hitting Baekhyun’s lower jaw, and stops his nagging act. He remembers the scene where Junmyeon managed to twist his left ear after he made Baekhyun skive off work and fly to Hokkaido, Japan for a surprise skiing and snowboarding time at Daisetsuzan National Park’s Asahidake Resort on Mount Asahi—it was left reddened for two days straight—and Baekhyun had the nerve to laugh at him behind Junmyeon’s back. Scary, that boss is.

And Chanyeol just remembered how he was really the one who advised Baekhyun to finish his deadline when they talked about their home back at the city park. So at the end he straightens himself and extends his hand for Baekhyun, smiling as he does so. “Ah, right. I should escort you back, then.”

Baekhyun takes Chanyeol’s hands, chuckling as he knows Chanyeol is also remembering the time when the tall man took him to Japan, to enjoy the winter sports and spending hours at the onsen to bathe themselves with the famous Japanese hot spring water after—without telling Junmyeon first and made him skip meetings for two days—in his head. “Let’s go.” 

Then they glide smoothly back to the benches lining the outskirts of the rink, pull off their skates and wear back their shoes they took from the locker. While handing their rented quads to the clerk, Chanyeol spots the amusement arcade corner in front of the rental station.

“Hyunnie, there’s a claw machine!” Chanyeol says brightly, tugging the hem of Baekhyun’s coat sleeve. “I’ll win you something.”

Chuckling at again the sudden presence of a five years old Chanyeol with pleading, wide eyes trying to drag him to the claw machine, Baekhyun can only smile fondly. Of course, he should’ve known the machine is going to attract Chanyeol. Back in their university days, Chanyeol gave his word for him to always win him something at every claw machine they saw, spending hours and coins at the machines, be it just for some candies or a doll. It’s really the one thing that makes him trust Chanyeol so much for just about anything—from the way Chanyeol keeps even his smallest promise from so many years ago. And right now, he would love to play the game with Chanyeol, but sadly they need to get back. “But Yeol—we’re running late—”

“Please?” Chanyeol pulls his puppy face, eyes blinking using the same tactics Baekhyun pulled on him almost an hour ago. He means, the machine’s got plushie keyrings! He wants—needs—to win it for Baekhyun. As he drawls the last syllable of Baekhyun’s name, slightly pouting as he does so, he sets out his best smile. “Hyu-u-u-nie?”

_Wanna have you near me_  
I wanna have you hear me sayin’  
No one needs you more than I need you 

Laughing at the irresistible puppy look Chanyeol is giving him and at the fact that Chanyeol is doing what he just did back at the city park to ask more hints for the special project, Baekhyun relents and lets himself getting dragged away for the second time today. Junmyeon won’t notice if he’s late for a few minutes, anyway. “Okay, giant puppy.”

As soon as he gets Baekhyun’s permission, Chanyeol jogs to the game machine and starts inserting coins. “Hyunnie, just wait here. I’ll win you the best one!”

Chuckling, Baekhyun softly pats Chanyeol’s shoulder as a mean of giving support and starts to head over to check on another game machines. “I know you will. Okay then, I’ll be just right there to play Pac-man and—”

Then Chanyeol realizes something. Before Baekhyun manages to finish his sentence or to walk a step forward he replies, “Well, not that I’ve won the _very best_ one already.”

“Where?” Baekhyun asks. Let alone winning something, he’s even so sure Chanyeol hasn’t touched the game machine yet. He looks at Chanyeol’s hands for the supposed best thing he won and searches the surrounding, just in case the tall man hides it behind his back, but he doesn’t find anything. So he asks again, “What did you win?”

“You. And your heart.” Chanyeol quips, winking. Then he directs his focus back into the game machine, moving the red knob to control the claw into reaching close above one particularly big plushie keyring he wants to get for Baekhyun, not noticing the fond look the small man sends him.

To Baekhyun, he knows Chanyeol is right, he too already won, big time—he won the tall man in front of him who’s always relentlessly trying everything with all his might just to make him happy.

Seeing Chanyeol already so concentrated with his lips jutting out between his teeth, busy being invested with The Claw just to win a toy for him, just like what he said earlier, Baekhyun goes to spend his time not far away trying to defeat the monsters at the Ms. Pac-man game versus a couple of teenagers in their bands t-shirt, acid wash jeans and Sk8-Hi Vans shoes.

True to his words, only a little over ten minutes Chanyeol is done. He comes back with a fist sized Elmo plushie keyring, a box of popcorn from the circus-like stall and its red-and-white stripes tent, and two slices of mozzarella pizza from the concession stands located next to the amusement arcade that also sell French fries and hot dogs. Nudging Baekhyun’s back, he presents everything in front of Baekhyun. “Hyunnie! Here, for you.”

Turning back after he finished and won his game at Mrs. Pac-man spectacularly that left the teenagers looking in awe at him, Baekhyun sees a grinning Chanyeol bringing him gems. Eyes bright at the sight of food, he smiles and takes the haul into his hands. Then unexpectedly, just feeling overwhelming love towards the tall man in front of him, he kisses Chanyeol’s cheek, tiptoeing as he does so. “Thank you so much, Yeol.”

Surprised but very much happy nonetheless, Chanyeol can only smile at the sight of a pleased Baekhyun in front of him while dreamily caressing his warmer and reddened cheek from the kiss. “You’re welcome, baby.”

_And I know, yes I know that it’s plain to see_  
So in love when we’re together  
Now I know that I need you here with me  
From tonight until the end of the time 

They walk out of the roller skating rink with Chicago’s lead singer, Peter Cetera sending them out with a _when you love somebody, they’re always on your mind ‘til the end of time_ sang smoothly for them. As they converse, Chanyeol looks down lovingly on Baekhyun, who looks up back to him just as tender. His arm as always draped on Baekhyun’s shoulder as the latter eats his slice of pizza and other hand hugging his popcorn box, plushie keyring safely tucked into his coat pocket.

The walk back to Baekhyun’s office is again colored with them people watching. Baekhyun almost fell on the slippery road, thankfully Chanyeol caught him on time—and scolded the paved concrete road with a hilariously heated _that’s my boyfriend, you numpties!_ —before as always fussing to ask if there’s anything that hurts even though technically he didn’t fall.

They walk side-by-side, holding hands and sometimes spreading their arms to catch the falling snow, chatting away happily about the promise of tomorrow. They make it back to the office just in time with the rush of workers back from their lunch, at a little over one in the noon.

When they arrive at his office, Baekhyun stops them standing in front of the main doors as the snowflakes rain upon them. Turning his body to face Chanyeol with their hands still linked, he smiles. “Thank you so much for today, Yeol. For the lunch, the walk to the park and the skating rink, I had so much fun.”

“You’re welcome.” Chanyeol replies, as he bows to kiss Baekhyun’s hands in front of everyone, making the small man blush for the millionth time today. "Since I can’t pick you up tomorrow, I want to walk with you up to your office. Park Chanyeol at your service! Always here for you.”

“No, it’s okay. I can go back myself. You can go back to your studio—” Baekhyun replies. Then a _but, I don’t want to go back to work—_ from Chanyeol interrupts him, so he puts up his fingers on Chanyeol’s lips to shush him, chuckling at the way the tall man groans while clinging onto his arms. “—Do your work, I know you’re avoiding them, but don’t be lazy and skive off, okay? See you back home tonight, Yeol.”

Chanyeol looks down, face crestfallen, looking like a stranded giant puppy getting rejected. “Okay, see you…”

Looking at the view in front of him, Baekhyun chuckles. He is so astonished by the way Chanyeol can be his own version of Tony Stark—his favorite character that the taller adapted to like, and want to be, after finding out how much he loves the Iron Man—at one second and a loveable puppy the next.

“What?” Chanyeol demands as he sees Baekhyun’s amused smile at him, with his puppy pout now in display.

Baekhyun casts away his eyes to look at anything but Chanyeol’s eyes so as not to let Chanyeol know what he’s thinking. Still chuckling, he can only reply, “Nothing, I’m just—”

Then a full kiss on the mouth silences Baekhyun. He can feel Chanyeol’s smug smile behind it, and he can’t help himself as his lips form a smile on its own accord as the kiss deepens. For a second, as Chanyeol cups his cheek and hooks his waist closer, he thought they might be going to fully kissing in front of everyone—in front of his office building too, while they’re at it—when Chanyeol pulls back first.

There it is, the shadow of Chanyeol’s Tony Stark self: a proud smirk, a look of confidence gleaming bright on his eyes, and contagious laughter that are sent his way from Chanyeol—the same ones Baekhyun fell in love with—as the tall man walks backwards, leaving him to the studio.

“Got you, Hyunnie! See you tonight, I love you!” Chanyeol shouts, smiling so wide and bright as he waves energetically, blowing plethora of exaggerated air kisses with both of his hands. All the things in the world he’ll do for Baekhyun.

Laughing away as he realized Chanyeol got him back for his pending kiss back at the city park, Baekhyun waves back. He then mouths an _I love you, too!_ —he’s not as brave as Chanyeol to shout his proclamation of love while he’s in the middle of approximately fifty people that work under the department he’s leading—as the flow of workers that seem to be not going to stop any time soon pushes him inside the building and swallows Chanyeol’s figure out of his sight.

Then Baekhyun boards the elevator up and walks back to his office, smiling at a confused Junmyeon who apparently is just looking for him to discuss about the returned design—the deadline doesn’t seem so heavy and tiring to go through now—he’s ready to go back work thanks to his tall knight in shining armor.

As Baekhyun works his way repairing the design, he thinks, ever since Chanyeol came into his life, the days of which the first snow falls is always so warm. Not in a way that defies the law of science, but in a way in Chanyeol’s presence, he finds warmth that encases him thoroughly and freezes time over. And even as he’s sitting on his office all alone, with only the memories of what happened today playing so clear on his mind, it still feels like home—just like the tall man proved to him… as simple as that.

Baekhyun doesn’t really believe in mythologies much, but if it’s proven true that confessing to someone or being with someone during the first snowfall means the couple will stay together for a long time, he only wants to ask the ivory white snowflakes one thing: for him and Chanyeol to always stay together, until death do them part—no, he wants them to stay side by side until the end of time—even _after_ death do them part.

***

**November 27th, 2016  
**  
Seoul, South Korea  
04.01 PM

Friday comes in a rush.

Chanyeol’s promise to let him listen to his special project made Baekhyun work extra efficient today, trying to finish everything all at once, which included him almost spilling a cup of coffee on top of his coworker’s head, but he’s all set to see Chanyeol later today.

Today’s date—that’s what Baekhyun call the days when Chanyeol asked him to go to places with him even if it’s only to visit the studio—has a different vibe. He remembers that today is also Chanyeol’s birthday and he already prepared a gift for Chanyeol, a pair of exquisite handcrafted wooden drumsticks, that he ordered a few weeks ago. He accidentally overheard Chanyeol grumbling and complaining about his old rickety drumsticks that are in its worst condition and Baekhyun thinks it will be the perfect gift for the tall man’s birthday.

Baekhyun doesn’t know the perfect word to describe what he’s feeling but he knows it’s more than his excitement building. He feels like waiting for Harry Houdini to reveal from his grave the secrets of his tricks on how he escaped jails, handcuffs, chains, ropes, and straitjackets to the world; or even better, like finally getting to know the ending for the characters in books he loves the most. For some reason, and the way Chanyeol asked him out yesterday with a surprise lunch, a walk to the city park and even asking him to go roller skating, he has an inkling that something special will happen later today.

With that thought as his motivation, Baekhyun manages to finish his tasks for today 30 minutes before he is permitted to leave the work premise. So, after texting Chanyeol telling him that he’s off to go to the studio just like what they talked yesterday, tidying up his desk and giving one last check to his now spotless work room, he decides to go and ask for Junmyeon’s permission.

Opening the door to Junmyeon’s office room after knocking softly, Baekhyun pops his head inside. He crosses his fingers behind his back and hopes the boss will let him out early. “Junmyeon hyung? I’m done with all the papers for the supermarket client, sent emails to the board directors and approved the final designs. Can I go now?”

“Baekhyun, hello. Going out with Chanyeol, I’m guessing?” Junmyeon says, without raising his eyes from the book he's reading. He has his elbows propped up on his desk, and his book—J. D. Salinger’s _The Catcher in The Rye_ , a timeless classic—seems like it replaces his head from the angle. He can tell from the tone of excitement hidden neatly under Baekhyun’s seemingly flat voice as the younger one listed everything he has finished, as if proving he should be allowed to go. 

“Ah, um, yeah, but it’s just us going to his studio, hyung. Listening to his special project.” Baekhyun answers swiftly with a grin, remembering to mention Chanyeol’s trick and crossing his fingers behind his back for luck.

“Special—oh my god—special project? Chanyeol said that?” Junmyeon suddenly stands up from his spinning chair that almost toppled over from his sudden movement, his book flying to somewhere behind him and Holden Caulfield forgotten.

Baekhyun raises one eye, curious to the reaction Junmyeon showed him. “Uh, yeah, hyung. Word to word _special project_ Chanyeol said to me, why?”

“Ah—nothing! Just, it sounds special. You know, _special_ project!” Junmyeon answers in a rush, laughing awkwardly and averting his eyes from making eye contact with Baekhyun. He knows he’s older than Chanyeol but the tall man wouldn’t think twice to get back at him if he spoils his surprise for Baekhyun. “Just happy to know!”

“Ah, just in time!” Rubbing his palms together, Junmyeon quickly walks out of his desk’s space to reach where Baekhyun is standing before he combs Baekhyun’s fringe with his fingers. “Let me just… Help you a bit…” Upon seeing the furrowed eyebrows Baekhyun is giving him, he adds with a toothy smile, “What? I’m just making sure you’re dressed up nicely for Chanyeol.”

This is new, Junmyeon taking care way more than usual about his dates with Chanyeol… But Baekhyun won’t refuse a free help to make himself look good for Chanyeol. Then he eyes his get ups. Today he decided to wear a simple washed out blue jeans, a blank cotton white t-shirt and a double breasted, fitting black blazer with golden buttons to top it all. He also styled his Hershey’s dark chocolate hair—in which his designer self can’t help to mention it’s #3C1321 on the color palette—sporting his and Chanyeol’s favorite comma hair. He hopes it’s enough for the special occasion.

After Junmyeon is done fussing over Baekhyun by spraying some Moringa seed oil and white flower essence cologne that mashes well with his usual lemon scent, he does the final touch of brushing every part of Baekhyun's shirt and hair. With some more pats on Baekhyun’s shoulder, he’s done. “Alright. You’re good to go.”

Even though he’s thankful for the help, Baekhyun still feels quite… off. He senses something behind Junmyeon’s peculiar behavior. The boss did glance at another direction while answering his question like he’s hiding something and he seems too excited about Chanyeol and his special project. And to think more of it, Chanyeol’s instruction to say the magic words actually works… it’s all kind of effective on raising his suspicion alarm.

Baekhyun is going to say something to delve more into the matter, but one glance at his watch he knows he’s going to be late to go to Chanyeol’s studio, which is his cue to leave now. “Alright, Junmyeon hyung, thank you for letting me out early today. I’m going to head out now, see you next week.”

“Right, see you next week, Baekhyun. Be safe.” Junmyeon replies, waving as Baekhyun exits his room and closes the door behind him. He waits for ten minutes, watching from the front windows to see Baekhyun’s car driving away from the office’s parking lot before he lets out a relieved sigh.

Junmyeon stops whatever he’s doing to think for a second. Baekhyun mentioned _special project_ and that’s Chanyeol’s sign for him to start their plan that they made five nights ago at Kaleidoscope café near the city park.

According to what they’ve agreed to, now is the time for Chanyeol’s plan to commence and Chanyeol must be somewhere at the office’s back door that Junmyeon uses for transferring and unloading heavy furniture in and out the office. And just in time, his phone beeps and lights up, showing a new text message from the tall man.

4.21 PM  
From: Chanyeollie  
_Hyung, operation Special Project is on! I’m at the back door now~_

Junmyeon immediately puts back his phone and starts sprinting down the hall to reach the elevator. He jams the down button of the elevator and walks inside the elevator once it reaches his floor level. Thankfully no one is inside so he can go straight to the underground level. Not a minute passes and the elevator softly dings to indicate that he has arrived, and its metal doors slides open to reveal the slightly dim hall leading to the back door and the storage room.

Junmyeon marches quickly to the back door, types the code sealing it, and the door opens to a grinning Chanyeol. He gives Chanyeol a once over; Chanyeol’s ear length phthalo blue hair is styled slicked back neatly with pomade giving him a corporate look, his bright face with natural red blush on his cheeks and rosy lips making him a picture perfect man. Chanyeol also dumps his usual casual attire of hoodies and shorts, replacing it with a well-fitted black suit with matching trousers and a pair of shiny black leather brogues—in one word, a perfect look.

“Hello, Junmyeon hyung!” Chanyeol greets brightly, showing his pearly white smile. He then gestures to behind his back, showing his grand piano and some boxes on top of the pulley that his studio crews helped preparing. “I have my piano and its pulley with me. Also, I’m bringing decorations.”

“Chanyeol, hello!” Junmyeon replies just as bright, high-fiving Chanyeol. He’s so excited to be a part of an important moment between his best friends. “It’s all set then? Okay, let’s get it on the storage elevator. It’s spacious and it can reach Baekhyun’s office floor too. We have lots to do.”

"Yes, the plan is going smoothly after I asked Baekhyun yesterday. Let’s go, hyung.” Chanyeol replies, smiling as he carries his guitar on his back. He planned everything with the help of Junmyeon, arranging the necessities and the surprise plot at late hours at a café near Baekhyun’s office when Baekhyun is already sleeping at their apartment.

Junmyeon calls some of his assistants to help him and Chanyeol pull the piano through the back door and into the storage elevator. The Imperial Bösendorfer grand piano is, like its name, a large sleek and shiny grand piano, with its high gloss ebony body. With five people pulling the pulley, it doesn’t take much time to get the piano on the storage elevator. The space is a bit cramped with the piano and both Junmyeon and Chanyeol, but Junmyeon manages to push the first floor button leading to Baekhyun’s office floor with his elbow.

Once the elevator reaches the destined floor level, Junmyeon and Chanyeol rush to Baekhyun’s office floor to start setting in all the necessities. There are Baekhyun’s coworkers greeting them, also ready to help Chanyeol on his command. He told Chanyeol that Baekhyun is a favorite in the office, so when he told them Chanyeol’s plan, they all agreed in unison.

“So, Chanyeol, you’re going to do it now?” Junmyeon asks while instructing some other workers to help him put up the decorations. Some setting the grand piano while the others are doing the crafts to create an admirable romantic scene.

“Yes hyung, I’m ready and I feel like I can’t postpone it. And it’s also my birthday today, so me and Baekhyun will have two special days combined!” Chanyeol replies happily. This way, he won’t forget the dates, a trick he invented after that one time Baekhyun ignored him for two days after he forgot the small man’s birthday—if it weren’t for him accidentally finding a post-it reminding him of the occasion on his notebook that is coincidentally a gift from Baekhyun for his birthday, he would’ve faced a stricter punishment.

“I’m so happy for you. Chanyeol. I know you’ll treat Baekhyun well. Good luck,” Junmyeon replies, grinning and somehow feeling proud at how far his two best friends have come. From the moment he first encountered the music engineer five years ago, he knew wonderful things are about to happen for him and the Baekhyun. “And happy birthday, I hope Baekhyun’s _yes_ will be your best birthday gift.”

“Thank you again hyung, your support means so much for us. Okay, ready to roll?” Chanyeol says, smiling. He then takes out his phone, gesturing Junmyeon to do the same.

With a determined nod, Junmyeon also takes out his phone, face set as if he’s agent 007 ready to take the mission from MI6. “Let’s do it.”

*

Baekhyun is on the road, driving to Chanyeol’s studio. He can't help but feeling more and more excited, and very much giddy.

He went home on Thursday night to find a cream colored package containing a generous piece of cheesecake, that he wanted while he and Chanyeol were walking to the city park, sitting on the kitchen table with a note saying, _sweets for the everlastingly sweet Byun Baekhyun._

After walking to search the obvious sender, he found Chanyeol sitting on the piano stool in front of his grand piano at their living room, while not so discreetly peeping from behind an upturned music sheet. He thanked the tall man with smiles and repeated _thank you_ s—and of course, with lots of kisses—and they had dinner with Chanyeol cooking creamy garlic spaghetti with scallops and bacon for them. Then Chanyeol prepared fresh plucked strawberries with honey vinaigrette and slices of the cheesecake as their dessert.

He glances to the passenger’s seat next to him, to a carefully wrapped slender box that contains his gift for Chanyeol. Baekhyun smiles to himself, he can’t wait to give it to Chanyeol and maybe take him to a birthday dinner in Chanyeol’s favorite Italian restaurant after they finished listening to the special project. He taps the steering wheel along the tune of the song on the radio, which volume he sets quite low so he still can focus on the road ahead.

It isn’t a long drive from his office to Chanyeol’s studio, so only after some turns and fifteen minutes later he sees it: the minimalistic building with contemporary design at the end of the road.

The place is painted in monochrome with silver lines details and basic geometrical shaped clear windows built in here and there to let sunshine inside for natural lighting, the strategic placements of it creating an illusion of a giant music sheet from afar. Chanyeol told him that he worked on the building himself with some help of his friends from the architecture department at their university—another plus point from Chanyeol that Baekhyun admires is his independence and hardworking self.

Baekhyun then parks his car in the parking lot, right next to Chanyeol’s truck. It’s so funny sometimes to compare their cars, because it compliments their height and size differences—Chanyeol who is a 6’1 tall man owns a flint grey Chevy truck, while he himself who is a 5’7 tall man owns a butterscotch yellow Ford convertible.

Baekhyun steps down from his car, checking himself on the rear mirror to ensure he looks presentable for Chanyeol. He pats his blazer—this part of clothing is actually chosen in the last minute, he was going to wear a mix of dark pine green and crimson red plaid over his white shirt to work, but after Chanyeol left to the studio, his instincts told him to change—and rearranges his fringe, silently thanking Junmyeon for the unexpected little help back at the office. Then he walks to the studio’s main door, knocking twice before pushing it open.

Inside he’s greeted by one of Chanyeol’s crews, letting him in. Baekhyun is going to ask where is Chanyeol, but the crew beats him to it.

“Mr. Byun? Mr. Park is not here, he’s currently out with a client,” The crew says, smiling as if he knows exactly who Baekhyun is looking for. “If you need me to leave Mr. Park a note, you can find me later. Now excuse me, Mr. Byun.”

To the crew’s accurate answers to all of his unspoken questions, Baekhyun smiles. Everyone working at the studio knows he’s always looking for Chanyeol first. The story behind it is actually almost silly, but Chanyeol once had all of his crews to gather just so he could introduce him to them as _my boyfriend, a very very important person_.

Blushing at the memory, Baekhyun replies with a _thank you_ and the crew leaves him alone at the studio’s hall. But he’s confused, Chanyeol said he’ll be at the studio all day, does he forget his promise? And Chanyeol’s truck is here at the studio, so he should be here, right? He then decides to call Chanyeol, but after the first ring his call goes to voicemail, Chanyeol’s cheery voice greets him saying to leave his message after the beep.

Baekhyun is about to retry calling Chanyeol when he receives a text message from the awaited tall man:

4.39 PM  
From: Yeol ˃̵ᴗ˂̵  
_hyun baby theres a sudden change of plan – im out w client rn srry didnt tell u sooner_

Baekhyun sighs. He’s a little bit annoyed for not being able to spend time with Chanyeol, but it’s okay, he understands Chanyeol’s work is always demanding with unpredictable clients. Chanyeol did say yesterday and this morning he’s going to meet an important client today, so maybe there’s a change of schedule. He hopes whatever business Chanyeol has today runs smoothly. Then he stops in front of the studio’s main doors to jam his eyes close and places his index fingers on both of his temples, telepathically sending his power to Chanyeol. After he’s done, he types and sends his reply:

4.42 PM  
To: Yeol ˃̵ᴗ˂̵  
okay, see you later, Yeol. good luck \\('o')/

Baekhyun is just going to get back to the parking lot when he receives another text message:

4.43 PM  
From: Junmyeonnie-hyung  
_Baekhyun i need you at the office asap emergen cy_

After a few seconds scanning quickly over the text he thought is from Chanyeol—in the hope maybe the tall man is done with his meetings and they can meet—Baekhyun lets out a long breath. He didn’t know things are getting worse today, how is everything seems to go downhill?

But then he rereads the text, this is new… Junmyeon always calls if it’s something urgent, so why did he only text him if it’s an emergency? Also the boss isn’t someone who send texts without checking for misspellings, punctuation and upper cases, but what is this mess and _emergen cy_? But all the same, he types and sends his reply:

4.44 PM  
To: Junmyeonnie-hyung  
right away, Junmyeon hyung.

The same crew who greeted Baekhyun passes the front hall again, and he decides to leave a note for Chanyeol, saying that he visited and has to leave back for Junmyeon’s call that he forgot to mention in his text, and he thinks sending another one might disturb Chanyeol. The crew promises to pass along the message when Chanyeol comes back, so now he’s good to go.

Standing alone under the afternoon sun in the middle of the parking lot, Baekhyun huffs, blowing his fringes. He’s so curious what’s Chanyeol’s special project for him until he has to wait for a long time to listen to it? Looking at the swaying slightly Elmo plushie Chanyeol won for him yesterday that’s now attached to his phone, he thinks maybe he will get to listen to it tomorrow, and now he has to go back to his office, dealing with whatever this emergency has under its belt, hoping it’s not another fussy client.

*

Junmyeon is just finishing his final touch and ushering people out to leave some privacy for the special event, when there’s a rumbling sound of tires against gravel and the guard he has stationed to look for Baekhyun sent him a text message just now. Checking the windows he sees Baekhyun’s car entering the basement. Then he runs back to the decorated room where Chanyeol is also preparing his guitar and tinkering his piano and yells, “Chanyeol! It’s him!”

Chanyeol, who’s just finished fine-tuning his guitar, gulps, braces himself and does a quick scan all over the place to double check everything. “Okay hyung. Just hide and wait somewhere, okay. Thank you so much!”

With a grin and his fingers, quickly Junmyeon signs an OK to Chanyeol and mouths a _Good luck!_ before scurrying to his main office, while getting the last remaining people of his crews and Baekhyun’s coworkers to their assigned hiding places.

Then Chanyeol sits in the piano stool, hands hovering over the blacks and whites of piano keys before changing his position to sit sideways and takes out his acoustic guitar. Moments later, he hears a sound of someone making their way inside the office, and a minute later Chanyeol can see a head with dark chocolate hair moving around through the cubicles surrounding the office. 

A second later Baekhyun pops out from the cubicle jungle. As he walks, he searches into his left and right at the somehow unusually silent and dim office. Where is everyone? “Junmyeon hyung, what’s the emergency—”

Then Baekhyun suddenly stops in his track, as his eyes lands on something under a spotlight in the supposed vacant space in the middle of the office—

Baekhyun gapes, eyes wide, feeling utmost confusion more than any moment in his life. Chanyeol is there, in the middle of his office, smiling and waving at him while holding a guitar close to his chest.

One of the things that shocks Baekhyun is Chanyeol’s outfit that turns him into his knight of shining armor, the one he dreams about almost every night.

Chanyeol is wearing a black three-piece suit; a slim, single-breasted suit jacket with peaked lapels, white cotton shirt, a matching ivory white vest, a pair of fitting black trousers, and his polished black leather brogues perfected the ensemble. He swears Chanyeol looks so stunning and breathtaking as ever, the spotlight shining from above Chanyeol softens his dark phthalo blue hair, creating an impression of marine blue waves.

Second thing after that, is the presence of their grand piano that’s supposed to be in their living room.

“C-Chanyeol? What are you doing here?” Baekhyun looks at his left and right, surprised by the arrangement of the office.

Turning around, he can see the place is now decorated in a classical romantic set where everything is done not too much but still lavish enough to be perfectly elegant. Dangling from the ceiling are silver and golden streamers; lined carefully surrounding them on the floor are white vases of fresh flowers from red roses and tulips to lilies and peonies; the walls that once was adorned with a blackboard with deadlines are now draped with a black satin backdrop; on the tables of his coworkers are frames with their laughing photos that he’s sure Chanyeol took from their bedroom; along the hall are spread flower petals and lined lit aromatherapy candles that gives off lemon and mint aroma that blends well with the natural fragrances of the flowers that create a path to Chanyeol on the floor, and lastly suspicious looking boxes that judging from its appearances seem to be wrapped by Chanyeol himself. And the fact that there’s no one in sight except for the both of them shows that whatever Chanyeol has in mind is a conspiracy with Junmyeon.

“Hyunnie, hi. Can you please sit here? And ask questions later, okay? I will only take no more than ten minutes.” Chanyeol replies, only smiling sweetly and not exactly answering Baekhyun’s question. He ends up standing up from the piano stool, steering Baekhyun to sit because it seems like Baekhyun is still unfocused, still standing and staring between the surrounding and his face alternately for a minute straight.

After Baekhyun is seated in front of him, mouth shaped into a perfect round in the cutest way possible, Chanyeol retreats back to the piano. He reaches his acoustic guitar, adjusts the strap onto his body, and clears his throat.

“Okay… This is for you, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol says, smiling. He can feel excitement, nervousness and adrenaline mashing up inside him—this is it. Then he counts to himself, as a signal to start strumming his acoustic guitar. “Here we go. One, two…”

Chanyeol strums a few easy chords that Baekhyun recognizes from their rebellious days; when they would sneak out from their dorms to get a night outing at a nearby forest, where they would build a tent and light up a fire. Chanyeol would somehow always make a mess with the poles, ropes and pegs spread all over until at the end him, with the instructions book, would lead Chanyeol back on track. Chanyeol would teach him some basic guitar lessons, with their body flushed against each other, his back on Chanyeol’s chest, guitar in front of his stomach, hands tangled and exploring, first on the guitar’s body and at the end on each other’s body. He would look back, his face moving closer to Chanyeol’s before stealing a kiss that a lot more than usual ended up with their breathy moans and grinding bodies interrupting the night’s silence.

And even now, in his dazed state, Baekhyun can’t help but sways his body along the melody. Then unexpectedly, midway his musings, Chanyeol starts to sing to him:

_Still my heart and hold my tongue_  
I feel my time has come  
Let me in, unlock the door  
I never felt this way before, 

Baekhyun blinks and shakes his head for several times, mutely asking for explanation as to why Chanyeol suddenly starts singing; which is only replied with endless smiles sent his way from the tall man, all handsome looking in his black suit glory.

“I never felt this way before—how after making my heart beats so fast you always managed to calm and soothe both my heart and my feelings,” Chanyeol starts as he pauses his fingers’ movement on the guitar, staring only at Baekhyun’s eyes. “How you always make me lost for words, speechless for the beauty that is you and the things you do. How for all the good things you constantly give for me, I only want to be in your heart and just stay there for the longest of time.”

Baekhyun can only stare in awe, almost unbelieving at the sight of Chanyeol smiling sweetly at him, singing and saying beautiful words for him. He can feel his heart starting to pace faster, his lips forming a smile, all the indescribable and wondrous feelings coming into him. Then he hears Chanyeol singing again.

_The wheels just keep on turning, the drummer begins to drum,  
I don’t know which way I’m going, I don’t know which way I’ve come_

At intervals, Chanyeol looks up to watch Baekhyun’s face, smiling and mouthing _I love you_ whenever he has the chance to stop singing at the solo guitar parts.

_Hold my head inside your hands_  
I need someone who understands  
I need someone who hears  
For you I’ve waited all these years 

_In your tears, and in your blood_  
In your fire and in your flood  
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing  
I wouldn’t change a single thing 

For the billionth time, Baekhyun is in awe with how good Chanyeol is with lyrics, like he’s born to be a poet. Even better to think that the words are sang with his resonant, low-pitched voice, eyes never once leaving his, hands strumming the guitar expertly, never missing a beat… all for him. His smile can only grow wider as he’s trying to figure out what’s happening, but waiting all the same of what all of these will turn out to be.

Seeing the glowing smile in Baekhyun’s face makes Chanyeol feel more excited, giving him more courage. Continuing with his spirit uplifted more than ever, he sings again to finish the song.

_For you I’d wait ‘til kingdom come_  
Until my days are done  
Say you’ll come and set me free  
Just say you’ll wait for me. 

“Just say you’ll wait… you’ll wait for me.” Chanyeol finishes the song as he strums his acoustic guitar for the last time. He then lets go of his acoustic guitar, putting it aside carefully.

Only by the time the song ends, Baekhyun realizes the tunes played are the same ones he heard a few nights ago, when they had the moonlight and sky full of stars conversation and played _Je te veux_ together. The words that accompanied the tunes sang in Chanyeol’s husky, baritone voice, definitely makes the song sounds so much better. It feels like the words with its melody as its hands have touched him in a way it warms his heart, and the way the message shines through Chanyeol’s eyes too, proving its sincerity.

But Baekhyun is unable to clap properly due to flocks of questions inside his mind. He’s about to jump from his seat and let out all of his questions when Chanyeol clears his throat again, stopping him from saying anything.

“Byun Baekhyun.” Chanyeol takes a deep breath, chest visibly heaving up and down, nervousness evident in his gestures. He rises up from his seat on the piano stool and continues to kneel right in front of the sitting Baekhyun, eyes locked into Baekhyun’s.

This time Baekhyun feels his whole body weakening as he gapes at the view in front of him, in the speed of light his mind starts to connect the dots into one particular thought; is this real? A sweet smile forms on his face like the first sunlight peeking behind the curtains of the dawn, is this going to lead into what he thought it will be? Or—

But Baekhyun doesn’t get to finish his trail of thoughts when suddenly Chanyeol continues speaking again.

“I know we’ve been together through life for years, I have known you like the back of my hand, like the road imprinted on my head that leads to home; you are _home_ , where I always wanted to go. I know we are meant for each other, in a way that you and I complete what we were missing, you’re always there to help me through every fall in the same way I’ll always hold your hands through your lowest. I trust you, I have faith in you, I’d put my life on line for you.” Chanyeol says, pausing for a few seconds to breathe. He revels in Baekhyun’s smile, making it as his power to finish his words.

At the heartfelt words Chanyeol said to him, Baekhyun’s heart is soaring. Everything he’s witnessing right now leads to the possibility of Chanyeol finally going to ask him _the_ question. That very thought makes his legs feel like jelly, his heart beating even faster, he has to stop himself from grinning mad. He can’t wait for Chanyeol to continue, anticipation and excitement fueling his smile that only gets brighter and broader.

Chanyeol studies Baekhyun’s face; looking for a sign to stop, but he doesn’t find it. Instead, he sees a smiling wide Baekhyun, his dark mahogany eyes blinking fondness at him. After seeing the same calm and comforting waves of liquid dark brown in Baekhyun’s eyes that he always look back to in times of storm, he can feel himself relaxing. He can finally smile a little, his cheeks’ muscle no longer rigid.

“I figure it all out. Seconds and hours we spent, all lead to this very moment. All the wrongs that turn into rights, silences that were broken by the most beautiful sounds, empty spaces filled with happiness and laughter, days and nights that you colored… All since you came into my life.”

“You stood by me when no one else was ever behind me. You’re the one who always have my back, the one who stands right beside me and holds my hands, the one who shows me the right ways, all since day one. You taught me how to be someone, and not just someone, but a person who knows gentle ways to be strong and fight for the right reasons, for the people I love. The love you gave me changed me in so many ways only you can do. I know we’ll see through whatever comes our way, because that’s what our love can do.”

“These hands,” Chanyeol takes a hold on Baekhyun’s hands, gently wrapping it with his own hands. “Fits mine just like it was made for me to hold. Your eyes joining up the dots of the stars above and they’re your own constellation that resides within you. You give me strength in a way no one else can do. It’s you who makes me sing, every line and word of the song I sing along—and just do anything, really. It’s you who make my days, every second, minute and hour of my life worth living.”

“I want to always be the one who hold you when you sleep, with you as the first thing I see even before the sun spreads its shining wings in the horizon. We’ve got the same old hands, we’ve made the same old plans—being together forever is all I want because I know and I’m certain you’re the one I’ll keep right beside me until the end of time. You’re the one I’ll do anything for because you’re my everything.”

“A piece of me, a bit of you, puzzles of our dreams sealed with our love… that’s what we are. You and I understand each other with the same interconnected minds just like the way of the moving sea flows between the shores of our souls. We blend with each other so smoothly like the way the indigo sky and the navy blue sea do on a tangerine orange sunset. There is no way I can imagine myself spending an eternity with anyone else but you.”

For now, the words he said are what he really feels, literatim. It might sound too plain or ordinary, but those are what his heart whispered to him, written with the ink of all the honesty he has for Baekhyun.

The next lines Chanyeol is about to say are actually taken from Christina Rossetti’s sonnet _I loved you first: but afterwards_ that was published in 1881, which he found during that time he went to the library to search for a gift of poem to return Baekhyun’s Möbius trick. For today, he made a little adjustment to it and this is going to be his little secret.

“I loved you first, but afterwards your love outsoaring mine, sang such a loftier song, and drowned the friendly cooings of my dove. My love is long, and yours one moment seems to wax more strong. I love and guess at you, you construe me and love me for what might or might not be. But—those weights and measures do us both a wrong. For love knows not what’s mine or yours, with two separate I and you. For one is both and both are one in love. Both have the strength and the length thereof. Both of us, of the love which makes us one.”

Baekhyun thought, there are no more beautiful words than what Chanyeol just said for him. Not even those poems and literature books written hundreds of years ago, because Chanyeol’s words are for him _only_ , just like Chanyeol’s heart is opened for him only. Those are the words that he’ll remember and he’ll keep in his heart for the longest of time—that he knows will keep him living until the end.

“With that being said…” Chanyeol stops himself, biting his lower lip, his gaze almost falters from Baekhyun’s because he’s just afraid, the question he’s about to utter can either make or destroy everything.

Having learned by heart the real meanings of all the signs Chanyeol gives off, Baekhyun stands up from his seat to kneel in front of Chanyeol, and reaches for Chanyeol’s chin to lift his face up just so Chanyeol won’t leave his gaze. Then he nods once, eyes encouraging, smile still in display.

One touch from Baekhyun’s fingers and the adrenaline is streaming back in Chanyeol’s veins, making him more determined than ever. He then nods back, more to himself than to Baekhyun—here’s to their future.

After making sure Chanyeol is okay—his breath is even again and a smile reappears on his face— Baekhyun sits back in front of Chanyeol, waiting. He knows how nerve-wrecking this can be—he too has his heart beating so loud and fast—and he’ll wait for just any time needed for his knight in shining armor who’s finally going to a.

Without further ado, Chanyeol prepares the words for the first and the last, for only Baekhyun. Here he goes. “As I was saying, with that being said… Byun Baekhyun, will you be my partner for life? Will you marry me?”

“I do,” Baekhyun doesn’t wait even for a split second to reply for both questions confidently—which he notices the way Chanyeol asks to him to be his partner for life before asking him to marry him, a great detail that somehow he loves so much as if tells how Chanyeol considers it more important for them to stay together for life first. “I do. Yes, I do, Park Chanyeol. I do.”

And he doesn’t care much when his tears that he tried to hold back during Chanyeol’s monologue for him are finally coming out, this is the moment he has been waiting for years. He just had to say _I do_ four times, for once is never enough to confirm it’s the only thing he wants to say for the first and the last, for only Chanyeol.

Chanyeol is fast to pull Baekhyun into a tight embrace, placing his right hand on Baekhyun’s nape to guide the small man’s face to lean on the crook of his neck.

“I love you, Park Baekhyun.” Chanyeol replies, teasing Baekhyun as he rubs every part of Baekhyun’s back he can reach to calm him down. He can feel Baekhyun’s lips curving up to form a smile against his shoulder when he mentioned his surname as Park instead of Byun.

“I love you too, Park Chanyeol,” Baekhyun replies not even a moment later, hugging Chanyeol tighter than ever, his hands gripping the back of Chanyeol’s suit as he tries to control himself over the ocean of emotions that washes over him. “I love you so much.”

There are sounds of people clapping and a quite loud whoop followed by a series of _Yes!_ shouts that sound suspiciously like Junmyeon’s from behind them, which successful in making Baekhyun to break the hug. Chanyeol laughs as he sees the startled look in Baekhyun's face that instantly mixes with a look of demanding for full explanation on everything.

Instead of answering, Chanyeol only chuckles more and cups Baekhyun’s cheeks, rubbing the balls of said cheeks with his thumbs. “I still have more to show you.”

This time Chanyeol directs Baekhyun to sit with him on the piano stool. Then he replaces his guitar back to its case, and seats himself properly on the piano stool next to the awaiting Baekhyun. As his fingers run lightly over the keys, he turns his head to look at Baekhyun beside him, and begins to play the piano and sing the song he prepared.

_In a haze, a stormy haze, I will be around_  
I will be loving you,  
Always 

Then Chanyeol winks at Baekhyun while greening cheekily. “That one is actually an impromptu. Inspired by your confused puppy face just now, actually.”

“Yeol…” Baekhyun reaches out his hand to playfully hit Chanyeol’s shoulder, half chuckling yet still half sobbing.

Chanyeol lets Baekhyun do just that, chuckling along. He can’t resist Baekhyun’s puppy-like state right now. Then he continues singing the last line of his impromptu song.

_Here I am and I will take my time_  
Here I am and I will wait in line,  
Always 

Chanyeol finishes with an elegant bow and a striking pose like a maestro just finished conducting his orchestra masterpiece. His eyes never leaving Baekhyun’s, his toothy grin just grows wider and wider. “What do you think? And anyway, this is my special project for you.”

Brushing a tear on the corner of his eye with his index finger, Baekhyun finally closes his gaping mouth. His mouth has been gaping nonstop since the first time Chanyeol starts singing and all the surprises from Chanyeol just stopped him from closing his mouth properly, suspending him in a state of pure shock and petrified from all that’s happening.

“Okay, first of all… You really got me open handed and lost for words, Yeol. Nothing else compares to you, thank you for always doing your best for me.” He replies, voice a bit weak from too much happiness. He’s now in a mushy human being mode thanks to Chanyeol.

After hearing such great praise from Baekhyun, Chanyeol can feel his smile growing even wider, with his dimples showing. Then his hand goes to cup brush off the tears left in Baekhyun’s cheeks, before sliding down to hold Baekhyun’s hand. “I have another thing to give, you see. It’s not over yet.”

“Yeol, oh my god, what else now?” Baekhyun squeals in delight, looking around behind Chanyeol to see what else Chanyeol has for him. He hasn’t even done rating all of Chanyeol’s efforts for today and there are still more?

“I know people don’t really exchange wedding rings until the day they’re married at the church and all, but I want you to wear it now, just so everyone knows that you are mine.” Chanyeol smiles proudly as he presents his idea. Then he releases his right hand from Baekhyun’s, and searches for a tiny blue velvet box in his left breast pocket of his suit jacket.

Baekhyun gasps again, his left hand goes covering his mouth yet again. After all that happened yesterday with the surprise lunch, a walk to the park under the first rain of snow, the adventure they had in the outer space of the roller skating rink, and today he just got proposed… he’s never one to lose track of things but thanks to Chanyeol and his sweet surprises today, he pretty much lost his count of the surprises given to him in such a short span. “Oh my god, Yeol. Oh my god, I’m…”

“Come on, stand up. I want to kneel again so we can reenact those legendary romantic movies where I'll go kneeling in front of a shocked you and slip in my ring on your wedding finger."

Baekhyun lets Chanyeol do just that; chuckling with happy tears brimming his eyes, he rises from the piano stool and stands in front of an already kneeling Chanyeol. “Should I play along and pretend I am shocked?”

“Well,” Chanyeol hums, putting up his goofy thinking face and shrugging nonchalantly, excited to think about what kind of reaction Baekhyun will show him after the small man truly sees more of his surprises. “Maybe you will be shocked for real after seeing what kind of ring I got you.”

Baekhyun’s eyes flutter in disbelief, that sentence alone shocks him already. He didn’t expect much of rings—getting proposed is really more than enough for him—but now there’s another surprise behind _the_ surprise? “Wait, what?”

Chanyeol opens the blue velvet ring box to reveal a set of two silver platinum wedding rings, with tide-like engravings on it. “Our rings are special,” he starts, looking up at Baekhyun as he produces the pair of rings in front of Baekhyun’s eyes. “I designed and have it customized for us.”

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say, so he just stands there waiting and grinning with his heart beating fast, as Chanyeol takes his right hand and opens his palm.

Prolonging his words to add more suspense and tease Baekhyun a bit, Chanyeol continues, “You see the engravings here?” He gently places the rings on Baekhyun’s upturned hand. “There’s a phone application I just installed on our phones to scan these engravings on our rings. It can emit sound when scanned. I had yours to say _I love you, Baekhyun_ in my voice and mine to say _I love you, Chanyeol_ in your voice.”

The feature the ring has surprises Baekhyun, this is way more than what he has in mind. “No way, Yeol. That’s just… special and unique…” He twirls the two silver bands on his fingers, and he loves the way the engravings are quite thin, so delicate it’s barely noticeable, like a little secret shared only between the two of them.

“How did you install the app? How did you get a recording of me saying that? Oh my god, this must have cost you so much!” Baekhyun rambles on, shooting questions as to how Chanyeol can do wonders that exceeds his expectation, always better than anyone.

“Well, let’s say I have my own tricks under my sleeves,” Chanyeol answers, smirking. He gives himself a mental pat on his back, he has now accomplished in giving the ultimate surprise for Baekhyun, his plans are working and in the same time the _yes_ he got from Baekhyun is the best birthday gift he ever gotten. “Go on, try scanning it.”

“I’m so excited!” Baekhyun grins, as he pulls out his phone, swiping through the home page. There it is, hidden in an unnamed folder, the scanner application. He slowly scans the engravings on his ring, and not long after Chanyeol’s familiar deep, soothing voice saying _I love you, Baekhyun_ greets him.

“Yeol,” Baekhyun says at last, after replaying the recording over and over again, earning a chuckle from Chanyeol. “This is so cool. Thank you so, so much.” he adds again, almost close to tears again at how everything goes so well, it's just a perfect day for them.

“You’re welcome, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol says, standing up as he watches the fascination in Baekhyun’s face. Hearing Baekhyun’s intrigued _wow_ s and seeing the way Baekhyun’s eyes full of interest and never leaving the ring he got him are worth the things he went through just to get the rings done, even more than that.

“And oh! Before I forget. One more thing,” Chanyeol then shows Baekhyun the inner side of the rings. “Mine has _given a chance,_ written and on yours, you’ll find _to love._ engraved. It’s to show how grateful I am for you to exist, for life giving us the chance to meet, for having you right by my side… and for you giving me a chance to love you and write our stories together. I will use the chance to love you as much as I can, I’ll make you so sure about it. As long the stars and the moon are still standing side by side above us, no doubt should ever come across in your mind.”

“If you see it very closely, my engraving is written in your handwriting and yours is written in mine,” Chanyeol continues. To get Baekhyun’s handwriting, a few weeks prior he had to not so covertly ask Baekhyun to write for him, disguising it as for a letter for his friend, but the feeble reason made the clever Baekhyun suspecting him and almost interrogated him. So at the end he got it by changing his tactic and asked Junmyeon to show him the official documents where Baekhyun had written the alphabets he needs. “Got the idea from our tattoos—but you know, less painful—just so I can have you with me wherever I go.”

It has always been a point of admiration for Baekhyun, Chanyeol’s keen attention on the smallest details that makes up the greatest things and his careful thinking to put meanings behind every single of it. He rolls the rings on his palm, to have Chanyeol entrusting his heart in his hands is to have the greatest honor. “So in a way with these… I have a piece of you—I’ll have you with me wherever I go as well—and I’ll be assured,” he says. For some reason to know there’s a part of him guarded inside Chanyeol’s heart, he feels at ease. “And I’ll be safe with you carrying me wherever you go.”

“Exactly, I’ve promised I’ll be with you always, so here’s one of the ways I come up with,” Chanyeol confirms, grinning wide at how fast Baekhyun gets the idea. To have Baekhyun in him is to have a limitless source of strength to do just anything for Baekhyun and for them. “As for me, it’s like I know I have a bit of you in every step I take, just like the way I have _you_ in my heart.”

“Thank you for letting me keep your heart, Yeol. And how do I say it? These rings are… I just… You’re brilliant, Yeol, I love this so much,” Baekhyun stutters, almost rendered speechless. Anyone’s rings could be in the purest, twenty-four carats gold with the biggest sparkling diamonds, but he will never be jealous. Chanyeol gave him rings that hold pieces of their hearts and the things engraved on it harbors so much sincere thoughts and real feelings no one and no money can buy. “Thank you so, so much.”

“You’re very much welcome, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol answers, smiling broadly as he thinks about how this is truly the definition of being happy—to see someone he loves and cares so much be happy because of what he does for them. “Thank you as well for letting me keep your heart safe.”

“But these must be expensive,” Baekhyun speaks again, still not done commenting the amazing rings Chanyeol got him, now inspecting the words engraved on the inner facet of it. Chanyeol has done so much for him, right from day one. He can only hope his resolution to give back all the love and do anything just for the man who’s now kneeling again in front of him amidst the romantically decorated office just for him, is enough to pay it back. “You should really stop spending so much on me.”

Chanyeol laughs at the comment, it’s impossible to not go all the way for someone as grand and precious as Baekhyun. But of course, a joke wouldn’t hurt.

“Okay then I will stop buying you snacks—” Chanyeol stops himself when he sees Baekhyun’s fond stares frosts into icy cold ones, shooting stalactite daggers at him. Laughing, he corrects himself, “Just kidding! Don’t worry, Hyunnie. All is good, I did everything for you, for us.”

The way Chanyeol said the words so gently and so full of fondness… it thaws the ice on Baekhyun’s stare and turns it into tears brimming in his eyes. Knowing and experiencing the way that there’s someone, Chanyeol, who’s giving his all for him… there’s just not enough thing to return or give back except for the love he has for him. “But Yeol—you’ve done so much for me… Protecting me anytime I need you even without me asking, driving me to places, cooking dishes that I love, learning to enjoy the things I love—”

“Everything I need, including the strength to do the things I did for you that you just listed, I get it all from you, okay?” Chanyeol says softly, standing up to quickly hug Baekhyun’s quivering figure. He chuckles, seeing the way the silently sobbing man in his embrace really doesn’t know how much _he_ has done for him. “So, all I want to do every single day is just to give back to you as much as I can in any way possible.”

Having his best shield, his strongest fortress in form of Chanyeol’s secure arms around him… Baekhyun can only wrap his arms on Chanyeol’s waist to hug him back just as tight. He’s so close to crying out loud again, overwhelmed by the feeling of gratitude for every effort Chanyeol gives out to present him his best. “There’s no way I can be here without you and—”

“And no way I can be standing right here without you too, Hyunnie. Don’t cry, my little baby,” Chanyeol coos, chuckling lightly even though he also has tears waiting to be let out, heart so touched at how much he loves Baekhyun he’d do anything, just anything is fine. And for now, he’ll do anything just to make Baekhyun smile. “Or I’ll cry with you.”

“But we’ll both look ugly,” Baekhyun pouts as he reaches up to cup Chanyeol’s cheeks, seeing tears have lined itself on the brim of Chanyeol’s eyes. He hopes to see only happy tears coming from those dark cinnamon eyes. “Tears streaked red cheeks, bloated red eyes, runny red noses and everything—”

“It’s fine! We even can be the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or something. We can be ugly together,” Chanyeol cuts off before he chuckles, now rubbing his thumb on Baekhyun’s cheeks to brush off the tears while still keeping one arm circled around Baekhyun’s back. For him, if they have each other, they can be anything or in all kinds of situation and it’ll be just fine. “As long as we’re together, remember?”

“Yeol, please,” Baekhyun finally lets out soft chuckles in between his sobs at Chanyeol’s attempt to bring a smile onto his face. Even though if he were to be honest, seeing Chanyeol’s smile for him is enough to make him happy. Then, the word _together_ reminds him of the days where he always finds Chanyeol right by his side—of how the love he gives for Chanyeol is always returned ten times more for him—which is every day. “We’re in this together and we give back to each other.”

“That’s how good we are,” Chanyeol agrees, smiling wide at the beautiful smile Baekhyun has on his face and the beautiful sound of Baekhyun’s chuckle—those are all he needs to be happy. And with the happiness Baekhyun is giving him, he’ll use it to make the small man laugh, just so they can laugh together. “Oh! Also, technically we can’t be ugly—you’re too handsome and I’m way more than gorgeous—”

“Yeol!” Baekhyun laughs between his sobs as he pushes Chanyeol’s teasing face weakly, which earns him Chanyeol’s laugh, a proud _okay, okay I’m just saying the truth, though!_ and an ear to ear wide grin. It’s amazing how Chanyeol can wipe his tears away, be it by a swipe of his thumb or by the constant stream of cheerful words to make him laugh.

Seeing Baekhyun is back to his all smiles and laughing self, Chanyeol knows they’re alright and good to go for the next thing he has for them—exchanging their wedding rings.

“Now let’s get this ring on your beautiful hand.” Chanyeol instructs, as he goes back to his kneeling position and offers his hand like he’s asking Baekhyun for a dance. Oh, they’ll definitely have a dance soon…

Smiling, Baekhyun pulls out his right hand, twiddling his fingers. “And let’s get this ring on your beautiful hand too.”

Chanyeol takes Baekhyun’s stretched right hand, inspecting the ring finger. He always admires Baekhyun’s fingers, at how dainty, slim and slender they are. Not only they’re good at accompanying his fingers while playing the piano, it’s also the small man’s most powerful weapon during their tickling fights.

Slowly, Chanyeol tries to fit the ring. Thankfully, the goldsmith made the ring perfectly, it can pass Baekhyun’s ring finger. He was beyond afraid it wouldn’t fit despite his attempt to get the correct size. He had gone as far as stealthily trying to measure the diameter of Baekhyun’s ring finger while his little one is sleeping, proven a difficult feat since Baekhyun trashes quite often in his sleep. One time he got slapped accidentally when Baekhyun turned his body over on his sleep. “Byun Baekhyun, now I pronounce you as my—”

“Wait Yeol, you’re now our pastor too?” Baekhyun can’t help but blurt out loud, voicing his thought, before laughing at the pout appearing on Chanyeol’s face.

“Hyunnie, shush. Don’t ruin our moment!” Chanyeol fusses with his childlike tone. Then his voice changes into a gentle but serious tone. “Byun Baekhyun, now I pronounce you as all of my lifetimes’ partner. We will find each other in another life.” He finally slips the ring into Baekhyun’s wedding finger.

Then Baekhyun slips out from the joking mode, his laugh reducing into a warm smile when he hears Chanyeol saying the words in his sincerest voice. And after that he does that same to Chanyeol’s ring finger, carefully slipping the ring into Chanyeol’s wedding finger. “And we will love each other, every time, in each of our lives. I promise.” He replies, with his most genuine feelings at heart shining on his eyes.

Slowly but sure, Chanyeol moves forward to kiss Baekhyun’s lips he’s been eyeing, after all the time his eyes never leaving Baekhyun’s during the exchange of the rings. The smiles on their lips meet, as they close their eyes to feel the magical atmosphere casted between them. It’s not a feverish or a lustful kiss, instead it’s an intimate but still burning one where they just want to savor the taste of their love and be aware of each other’s presence, and each other’s only.

Then they both pull back, and Chanyeol plants a kiss on the bridge of Baekhyun’s nose before moving to plant another one on his forehead. At the same time they reach for each other, nestling in each other’s arms and enjoying the comfortable silence that engulfs them, a trickle of happy and longing tear forms at the corner of their eyes.

They’re hugging for so long, but it feels like just a second for them. They want to relish the memory, for this is a great milestone in their story.

Now it’s Chanyeol who lost count on how many surprises he has for Baekhyun because too much is still never enough. “Oh also, just another one thing for you—”

“How many surprises you have for me, really, Yeol?” Baekhyun cuts off, completely amused as he cranes his neck to check behind Chanyeol’s back, looking for the other thing for him the tall man just mentioned. This only reminds him of when Chanyeol sang to him Mr. Sinatra’s words of how the best is yet to come, and here Chanyeol is, fulfilling every single of his promises in the best way possible. Then just out of sheer delight, he laughs as he stutters in utter delight, “It’s so—I mean—it’s so many! Why do you have so many surprises for me?”

“Still lots and _lots_ more and it’ll never end ‘til the day I die, actually,” Chanyeol winks as he takes Baekhyun’s right hand. It might sound like it comes from his teasing side, but it’s the truth and he hopes Baekhyun knows this fact. “This is to say that I found so many ways to love you. I don’t know why, but I guess it’s got something to do with how lovely you are, don’t you think?”

“Alright, Park, what is it now?” Baekhyun chuckles, letting Chanyeol to lead where they’re walking. Truthfully, even behind the seemingly teasing words and the playful twinkle in Chanyeol’s eyes, he can see how it’s actually an on-going promise that Chanyeol keeps and fulfills every day.

Then Chanyeol directs Baekhyun to a tray table, with a cheery _tada_ sound effect he presents a box and opens the lid to show Baekhyun what’s inside. “Here you go, Byun.”

For the surname Chanyeol used to call him, somehow Baekhyun feels the need to correct the word. So he starts to bicker, “It’s _Park_ now, Yeol—” but then one look into the content of one of the suspicious looking boxes he saw earlier and its all too familiar details manage to stop his sentence. “Wow! A strawberry cheesecake! It’s the same type of cake that—”

“That I baked for you when I asked you to be my boyfriend, nine years ago?” Chanyeol says triumphantly, delighted at the view of Baekhyun dipping his finger to taste the cheese cream and take a big bite at one of the red strawberries lining the cake’s surface. His smile is more enhanced with a proud feeling by the way Baekhyun calls himself with his surname, which shows how Baekhyun has really identified himself as his husband. “Yes.”

“That’s very ingenious of you, Yeol. Okay! Let me have a dip… Oh god—even the taste and the way you put the icing decorations—they’re all the same!” Baekhyun exclaims, thoroughly impressed at how Chanyeol still remembers and even manages to maintain the taste of his baked goods just like what he first tasted them almost a decade ago. “It’s amazing how you’ve baked countless of this cake and every single one of it tastes consistently as delicious as ever.”

“That’s how I will be for you,” Chanyeol says, delighted at both the way Baekhyun likes the cake he baked and at how Baekhyun is eating a lot, with his cheeks bulging and mouth filled with the cake. Then as he chuckles, wiping a trace of the whipped cream smeared on Baekhyun’s lower lip with his thumb, he continues, “It’s just a tiny comparison on how I’ll love you just the same throughout the years, for now and more to come.”

“Yeol…” Baekhyun trails, cake forgotten for a moment as he smiles fondly at the way he can see that soft, tender look Chanyeol is giving him as the proof of the words said. Only Chanyeol that can make a simple, abundant daily life things into reminders of important memories in such way he’ll never find in anything or anyone else. “I love you. I really do. Thank you so, so much.”

Remembering he still has another event in his memo, Chanyeol then lets go of their hug and walks back to the grand piano. Hidden behind it, the gramophone he owned that he brought along with his grand piano and guitar is sitting on a circle stool, complete with a few vinyl records he selected for this special day. After placing the record on the turntable, he presses the play button, and the intro of Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong’s 1959 rendition of Fred Astaire’s 1935 song, _Cheek to Cheek_ plays from its speakers.

Slightly bowing and maintaining a steady gaze on Baekhyun’s eyes, Chanyeol offers his right hand to Baekhyun, with suave smile on and dimples showing in full force. “Shall we dance?”

At the sweet gesture, Baekhyun chuckles. He swears Chanyeol in his suit grandeur looking debonair and handsome with delight apparent in his eyes is already a magnificent sight to behold. And now having said Chanyeol asking for a dance is all of his dreams made real. Smiling back, he takes Chanyeol’s hand. “Yes, we shall.”

Then Chanyeol immediately brings them into the center of the room. With charm flowing in his every movement, places his right hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder blade. And in turn Baekhyun automatically drapes his left arm over Chanyeol’s arm to perch his left hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder, with their other hands intertwined up high, bodies swaying following the delicate tunes.

“Listen to the words Ms. Fitzgerald and Mr. Armstrong are singing for us.” Chanyeol whispers next to Baekhyun’s ear before retracting his head back.

“Am I supposed to look for surprise codes?” Baekhyun whispers back, teasing and reminding Chanyeol of what the tall man said on the day they were playing at the studio, on how the songs Chanyeol plays for them are surprises for him. He looks forward to Chanyeol’s well-thought little surprises that amaze him every single time.

“Almost close, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol replies, his suave smile radiant as he carries them slowly moving from side to side, their feet gliding smoothly. Indeed he has surprises for Baekhyun just like the last time they were dancing around at the studio, but for this one he just wants Baekhyun to know what’s in his heart for him. “But this time you just need to listen. Ms. Fitzgerald and Mr. Armstrong are expressing what I feel about you.”

At another swift answer Chanyeol got him, Baekhyun laughs. He’s ready for more surprises and more beautiful things Chanyeol has for him—for he too has things for the tall man as well. “Alright.”

_Heaven, I’m in heaven_  
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak  
And I seem to find the happiness I seek  
When we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek 

With one hand holding Baekhyun’s and the other securely placed on Baekhyun’s shoulder blade, Chanyeol hugs the small man close as he brings them smoothly around, cheeks brushing once in a while that exerts laughter from them. “Hi, baby.”

Just like what Ms. Fitzgerald and Mr. Armstrong are singing, Baekhyun feels like he’s in heaven. He’s engaged to the one and only Park Chanyeol, the man that he has been in love with for ten years and that he knows loves him back—exactly what else does he need? So without waiting for another second he starts his own impromptu surprise for Chanyeol and confesses, “It’s really not that hard to believe that I’m in heaven.”

“How so?” Chanyeol chuckles as carefully he leads their steps. He has a few words to say, but it seems Baekhyun got the first place for it, so he lets the small man with his bright smile to have his way. 

“Just like what Ms. Fitzgerald and Mr. Armstrong said, being in heaven is to dance with you,” Baekhyun replies, smiling excitedly for this idea he has as he locks his gaze with Chanyeol’s calm stare. This time he got the idea from when Chanyeol listed what home is for them. “But not only dancing, being in heaven can be as simple as having you beside me when we’re lying down in our bed, doing nothing, eyes closed but tender caresses of our hands speaking everything.”

As so many memories of them cuddling close, sharing the warmth of bodies with limbs tangled come into his mind, even though they’re standing in the middle of Baekhyun’s office Chanyeol still can feel it—how it feels like home, with Baekhyun’s hand on his cheeks and Baekhyun saying all the beautiful words just for him, which strips him from being able to say anything. So he chooses to listen, keeping his eyes looking at nothing but Baekhyun’s eyes.

“Being in heaven is to have the honor of someone to love you, to have someone to think of you so highly they consider you as themselves, trust you so honestly and sincerely as if you share minds with them, and treat you so good as if you’re themselves,” Baekhyun continues with his smile slowly turning into a grin at the way he can see a look of delight in Chanyeol’s eyes. He knows the thing he just said happens to a lot of people, but for him there’s just one another small but very important contributing factor in defining his heaven—Chanyeol. So when he has Chanyeol’s head close with his, foreheads touching and feeling as if they’re dancing with the autumn breeze, he closes his eyes and adds, “For me, being in heaven is to have _you_ as that someone.”

Following Baekhyun’s movement, Chanyeol closes his eyes. There’s a sense of honor, pride and happiness to be able to make Baekhyun to feel that way, knowing his love is passed on and received well by Baekhyun, who is none other than the person he loves so much. Then with a light chuckle, repeating what Baekhyun said, he whispers, “Me.”

“Yes, you,” Baekhyun chuckles as their noses bump each other, and even without opening his eyes he knows Chanyeol is chuckling along with him from the way he can feel the tall man’s warm breath softly rolling against his face and the sound of it reverberating through their bodies. “There’s no other six feet something tall Park Chanyeol—who is a genius song composer with beautiful lines pouring out effortlessly, a great five-star chef and a fluffy cuddle enthusiast with a liking to steal kisses from me—that I love very much.”

“And loves a very smart Head of Visual Design department, an attractive books and poems aficionado, and an adorable puppy with such kissable lips named Byun Baekhyun who is the inspiration behind the songs too,” Chanyeol quips, laughing as he opens his eyes, looking at nothing but Baekhyun’s face to admire the curved up pink lips, the dots of moles and tiny freckles, the bursts of light pink on the bulging cheeks, before ending at the still softly shut eyelids, waiting for them to open and reveal the eyes that so generously stole the night sky’s stars only for him to see. “Never forget that one special, significant information, Hyunnie.”

Opening his eyes, Baekhyun finds Chanyeol’s eyes looking into his—even among their laughter and the teasing words he can observe the way Chanyeol is staring so deeply into his eyes, the dark cinnamon orbs fusing well with his dark mahogany ones that speak more than anything, he can feel Chanyeol’s hands holding him ever so gently and tender while still being firm and giving the sense of protection… and all of those are what intensify the riptide of emotions he’s in.

“Being in heaven is to know we’re able to stand by each other’s side but without having the need to lean to each other,” Baekhyun decides to continue, still chuckling at the detail Chanyeol mentioned for him. Then his hand leaves Chanyeol’s to rest on the tall man’s rising cheeks, feeling the palpable smile grows as he let out his stream of words for him. “And to know that we don’t merely depend on the inconstant circumstances for our happiness, we don’t have to worry if the love we shared last night will rise with the sun too in the morning on the next day—we’ll always find it inside us.” 

In the way Baekhyun delineates their own heaven with great care… Chanyeol knows it’s time to just listen and absorb all the things that make up their heaven Baekhyun has in his mind for him said in the most loving tone, with his now free hand gently holding Baekhyun’s waist. But for the last point of their heaven Baekhyun described for him, he can’t help himself to confess something that Baekhyun has been making him feel since so long ago when they first met. “It’s a kind of assurance, a sense of that whatever is waiting for us will come, and we’ll be ready when it does.”

“That’s true. And being in heaven is to know for everything I do, if I do it with you in my mind and put to use the love that we have in every stroke,” Baekhyun replies as he smiles and nods to Chanyeol’s reply, delighted to know Chanyeol understands what he’s trying to say for him. So next he has his thumb tracing loving lines on Chanyeol’s cheekbone. Then he strokes it ever so softly, earning him a smile from the tall man—proving the statement he’s going to say next. “It’ll only bring happiness that will follow us like a shadow that remains behind without ever departing.”

“Being in heaven is to know what does it feel like when someone loves you so pure and sincere, in every page of the book that Time turns over,” Baekhyun continues as he finally has both of his hands cradling Chanyeol’s face, with the tall man’s hands resting over the dip of his back. “Being in heaven is to know how does it feel like to do the impossible—how to fly in the way my heart soared up high from the love and happiness you’re constantly giving me as my wings, how does it feel like to live forever in the way the sands of second drops slower and almost stopping every time we spend time together, and how to live in heaven in the way we can always look back behind us and find each other just there waiting for us.”

“Being in heaven is to be hugged by you, like the way we are right now. Just like the way reasons and explanations are never needed for us to love watching the sunset or gazing at the sky, I’ve always loved hugging you.” Baekhyun chuckles, gently shaking their bodies as he goes to hug Chanyeol’s waist, keeping his gaze at Chanyeol’s eyes, to which the tall man replies the gesture by hugging him back to pull them even closer.

Then, after he lets go one of his hand from Chanyeol’s waist for a moment, Baekhyun cups Chanyeol’s cheek and draws their heads near again, enough for them to inspect each other’s eyes closely. “Hugging you, I’ll be able to see your eyes up close with its ocean like qualities—staring in deeper, at any time of the day, I’ll find immeasurable depth of you that’s filled with so much love. Letting myself to get lost in it for hours even until you’re already asleep in my arms at night, I’ll find my source of comfort. In your eyes I’ll find the remedy for all the bad days in its soothing stare, I’ll find my laugh in its teasing and playful glint, and I’ll find my happiness in the gleam of your smiles that’s reflected on the surface. Your eyes have the look that can calm down even the rogue waves of the day—the look that resembles the waves that write our happy memories on the sands, that erase any thought of me sailing away, that wash away the sadness by bringing to me so much happiness. In the calm, dark cinnamon swirls of your eyes that the deeper I look into, the more I want to stay.”

“And at last… hugging you, all of what has gone through me seem to be carried away by your waves of warmth. We can speak a lot more than words can do—talking through our eyes that speak louder than the silence; or through our heartbeats joining as our chests touch, the slow pace when we’re sleeping together or the fast ones when we’re playing around, tickling and laughing with no care to the world; or through the soft and gentle gestures of our hands on each other, showing how much we care about each other.”

“Hyunnie, I…” Chanyeol stutters, he doesn’t think all the word available can truly express how Baekhyun always makes him feel like he’s the most loved person on earth. How Baekhyun brings sense to what heaven really is for them… “I love you, really—”

“And I love you, Yeol,” Baekhyun cuts the currently speechless Chanyeol short, chuckling at the way the amused look on the tall man’s face are mixing well with his fond smile and stare. No words are enough to describe his love for Chanyeol, really, but he’ll say everything he can to make sure Chanyeol knows how much he is loved. “So much I’ll remind you every day by loving you more each day. Just like the way you do for me.”

“How can I ever forget when you keep on effortlessly giving me love in everything you do—your tender kisses, your gentle touches, and your heartfelt words—with fond eyes staring only at me and smiles showing just for me, just like right now?” Chanyeol chuckles. He loves the way Baekhyun can set him in the right frame of mind for deep talks that help him more aware of how things in life really work, bringing stability to his more playful self by teaching him the right ways to be earnest, sincere and not trifling; how to separate the serious from frivolous. “Besides, with the words you’re telling me alone, you’re currently stealing heaven down from the skies above to arrive in your office for me, with you as my escaping angel… really, how can I forget?”

“Being in heaven is to know the love we have in our life came into our hearts only for it to stay,” Baekhyun continues, still laughing at both Chanyeol’s teasing and how Chanyeol is his mood maker to let things go for a moment and just laugh when he’s too serious, as always balancing him. Then he lets go of their hug and this time it’s his turn to take Chanyeol’s hand again to continue their waltz. “Actually I’ve known this fact for a while.”

“Really?” Chanyeol smiles, with his hands again one firmly resting on Baekhyun’s shoulder blade and the other holding tight and bringing the small man’s hand up.

“We’re the proof of it—no, it’s more like from the way in every single day we spend _you_ prove it to me, by keeping me astonished with the way the love you give for me seems to never recede, even going more stronger than ever, and by you consistently fulfilling your promises for me. So in you, in _us_ I keep all of my trust. That feels good isn’t it?” Baekhyun says as he returns the smile, which breaks into a chuckle when Chanyeol quips with a _not good, but brilliant, Hyunnie_ and a smirk. He’s not exaggerating—every promise Chanyeol said to him, he gets to experience it all being granted and made happen for him in the best ways he didn’t even know exist. 

“Being in heaven is to know how you and I are always helping each other to stand, how we don’t just complete each other but we make each other stronger with the combination of our own power, and that’s one of the reason I know why we can last this long and for us to be able to make it this far, and how I get to have you with me right now,” Baekhyun continues, chuckling. This is his favorite part about them. “And truthfully? I can’t wait to spend more time and walk more steps through this journey of us with you, going through every step of it together slowly but surely to reach all of our dreams.”

As they waltz their way smoothly around and across the floor, bodies gently touching and smiling faces so close to each other’s… Chanyeol can only show his indescribable feelings by smiling fondly back at Baekhyun while he has his hands sending what he feels with his firm but gentle grip on Baekhyun’s hand and shoulder blade. Then he whispers, “One step at a time, together.”

“And the last but not least, as simple as it sounds, it’s the most important—being in heaven is to be at home and to be happy with you,” Baekhyun finally finishes with a grin. To be honest, even right at this second, to have Chanyeol completely focusing himself to listen to his every word with smile so bright, eyes so soft and touches so gentle… it’s their heaven. “Thanks to you, heaven can be just as simple as that, because _you_ are the one who makes it all so easy for me to find heaven.”

“I found heaven just by holding onto your hands because you always lead me to our home,” Chanyeol smiles. And just with a simple thought of wanting to hear Baekhyun laugh, as he chuckles he decides to tease the small man a little bit. “And also, being in heaven is to see you looking gorgeous and all while saying those words for me, really. Thank you, Hyunnie.”

_Yes, heaven, I’m in heaven_  
And the cares that hung around me through the week  
Seem to vanish like a gambler’s lucky streak  
When we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek 

With him having only one step left into making Baekhyun his for once and for all, Chanyeol feels like he’s in heaven. Now it’s his turn to tell Baekhyun how he can find heaven in them, or in Baekhyun’s words, _to give back more love_ for the small man he loves so much—he doesn’t want to lose or spare any chance to let Baekhyun know about how much he loves him. So as he brings Baekhyun around again with one secured on Baekhyun’s shoulder blade and the other linked with Baekhyun’s and raised up in the air, leading their feet to take a step to every beat of the song while circling the office floor, he starts, “Do you believe that I’m in heaven too?”

At how Chanyeol seems to pick up on his idea on defining heaven he said earlier, Baekhyun chuckles, anticipating for what surely will be another batch of beautiful words Chanyeol has given just for him. So while he enjoys the swish from their bodies’ movements swaying along the song, he decides to parrot the tall man’s reply as well. “How so?”

“As I’ve observed, the formula goes as to be heaven is to be at home. And do you know the similarity of home and heaven?” Chanyeol pretends to ask, with a faux confused look and a convincing knit of his eyebrows on his face. He’s not too much of a competitive man, but there’s just one thing he’s very competitive and ambitious about—showing his love for Baekhyun. So without waiting for Baekhyun to answer his fake question, he lets out his lopsided smirk and adds, “Both has you.”

“Really?” Baekhyun chuckles, with now his other hand that’s not holding Chanyeol’s busy massaging Chanyeol’s shoulder gently while feigning exactly the same confused look that’s painted on Chanyeol’s face.

“Really. I’ve told you how home is wherever we’re together,” Chanyeol starts his explanation with a small smile as he lifts their intertwined hands again, leading them to move in a circular motion around the space with smooth but confident steps. “So, for the first and foremost, heaven can be places where it’s always you and me.”

Now Baekhyun knows he’s right—even from the start, the words Chanyeol has for him and the graceful way Chanyeol leads their dance are making him feel as if he’s floating high in the air, like he can just smile by looking at the way Chanyeol’s face brightens with his smile wide, his eyes gleaming, and his every gesture saying how much excited he is saying it for him, how much he wants to make sure he knows what he feels. So he lets the tall man to continue, focusing his senses to absorb the second to none view of a grinning Chanyeol letting out his charm in front of him.

“Heaven is to be with you, an angel in human form, wherever I am actually,” Chanyeol chuckles, saying this second point that crosses his mind just as an idea to tease Baekhyun, who seems to be completely submersed in his charm of lopsided smirk and words--and mostly to hear Baekhyun laugh. “I don’t need to look for somebody with some superhuman gifts or with superhero traits, or even some fairytale bliss to live in,” he continues his teasing when he sees Baekhyun tilts back his head from the force of his laugh, knowing his attempt is a success, “I just need you, someone I can always find every time I look behind. Somebody I can miss…” he trails. But when he sees Baekhyun’s confused look at the sudden fade-out of his voice, he gives the unaware Baekhyun a sudden quick kiss and adds, “And kiss.”

For the words and the hidden surprise of a swift but still gentle kiss on his lips, Baekhyun laughs. In the eyes of ordinary people, the words Chanyeol said for him might sound cheesy, but in his eyes, those are beautiful and he’ll never allow people to say otherwise. Especially when said person is looking at you with their heart on their eyes and hand caressing your shoulder blade ever so tenderly as they said it… again he can’t help but feel love bursting out of him and fortunate to be able to call Chanyeol his. He might have been teasing Chanyeol for the cheesy one liners, but here’s his secret: he does it just so Chanyeol won’t stop doing it, knowing by doing so the tall man will become more relentless in sending more beautiful cheesy lines for him. “Something just like this is enough, more than enough.”

“But really, heaven can be whenever and wherever I’m with you, knowing I can rest my mind and my heart just like I come home to you,” Chanyeol continues, slipping out of his joking mode, his cheeky voice turns firm and his laugh is reduced into a soft smile again. Then he releases his hold on Baekhyun’s shoulder blade and raises his left hand, spinning Baekhyun in a clockwise turn towards the small man’s right. When Baekhyun is back on his arms and is facing him again, he pulls him closer into him and adds, “You are my home, and it’s as if wherever I am, if I have you with me… I can feel the safest, because the second we touch I can just forget whatever happened in my day, I can just take my mind off of things, and my surroundings doesn’t matter anymore as I focus on you only. Wherever you are is the place I can let my guard down for a while, where I know I’ll always have your arms protecting me, supporting me. So I don’t have to worry.”

Baekhyun basks in the feeling of the smooth underarm turn and the soft breeze the movement creates, sensing Chanyeol’s fond stare trained on him all the time during the spin. And even though Chanyeol is the one who’s saying heaven is for the tall man to come home to him, after the twirl ended and when he’s returned inside Chanyeol’s embrace… he’s the one who feels like he’s coming home to Chanyeol. “You don’t have to worry. I’m here for you—you’ll see me when you start your day and again you’ll find me when you close your eyes at the end of the day.”

“I know—I really don’t have to worry—because all that I ever wanted in this short life is you and since ten years ago until right this very second I have the chance to have you and your heart,” Chanyeol replies, stopping their movements for a while just so he can hug Baekhyun tight with his arms wreathing around Baekhyun’s waist. He’s almost close to tearing up at how the small man hugs him back while whispering _I’m here, Yeol, I’m always here for you_ repeatedly, and accompanied by continuous soothing caresses on his back. “And not just that, in the way you always show up even when I thought no one else would, always knowing what to say or do with just one look into my eyes… I know I’ll still have you for more years to come.”

Again Baekhyun feels that almost indistinctive quake of Chanyeol’s body that he wouldn’t have recognized if he hasn’t known him for such a long time. Slowly, while maintaining their hug, as he pulls back a little bit, with his hands he cradles Chanyeol’s face, rubbing the cheekbones and lifting the slight pout with his thumbs to turn it into a smile. He knows Chanyeol is trying with all his might to pour out his sincerest feelings right now, so after making sure Chanyeol is okay, with his eyes staring again into Chanyeol’s eyes, back to listening to the tall man he does.

“Heaven can be when I can find happiness and comfort even in the most foreign places, still finding the warmth of home even in the farthest places, and seeing the familiar face that brings all the old memories to remind me how to smile when doing so becomes too much of an effort to do,” Chanyeol continues again, after he lets go of their hug. Even now he’s seeing Baekhyun’s eyes are fixed on him, the light the dark mahogany orbs is shining feels like a spotlight for him to speak, as always showing how the small man cares about and takes into consideration of everything he feels. “And all of them are happening because I have you with me.”

For all the right reasons, Baekhyun just wants Chanyeol to know that in all the things Chanyeol has been praising and saying about him, the tall man is actually also describing himself.

“You know, Yeol… it’s amazing how what you said reminds me of you. When I first started working at Junmyeon hyung’s company, all nervous and scared for the new people I was going to work with, you gave me confidence and support I needed—driving me to the office, packing me lunch boxes, giving me those adorable briefings on ways to make friends from the articles you looked up from the internet, and even demanding lots more of kisses even though you already got one before we left the apartment,” Baekhyun smiles as he reaches up his hand to hold Chanyeol’s face. Then he grins when he sees Chanyeol laughing at his words, finally hearing the cheery laugh he loves so much. So he decides to make Chanyeol laugh again. “And also in the way whenever we got lost when we’re traveling abroad, even though I like teasing you about how poor your navigation skill is, it’s also our heaven—just the two of us exploring the streets of foreign countries and only relying on translation apps, finding eccentric places that not many tourists visit and somehow finding even better attractions, trying all local traditional foods to have our own roller coaster in our tongues, sleeping in airports on our backpacking trips—because still I find my happiness, just like you said. So, even though we’re lost… we get lost together and—”

“And together we’ll find our way out.” Chanyeol cuts Baekhyun off, still laughing at Baekhyun’s mention of his antics and their adventures together, and his laugh gets louder at the cute astonished look that starts to arise on Baekhyun’s face that told him he just correctly finished his sentence. It only takes him one look into Baekhyun’s eyes to know what the small man has in his mind or what he’s going to say next. But it’s not from the way he’s suddenly turning into a psychic—this is one of the things he’s proud of having—it’s because he knows how Baekhyun lets him see for who he truly is and what he has in heart.

“And together we’ll find our way out, the right way to come back home…” Baekhyun lets his voice trails, with his smile ever so fond, admiring at how Chanyeol always manages to complete his sentence accurately. Then with a grin and a much louder voice, he finishes, “Like we always do.”

“Heaven can be when I finally found the _right_ reason and meaning to do and fight for the things I know is right,” Chanyeol smiles as they’re back to holding each other close and swaying their bodies gently to the song. This time the idea comes from Baekhyun’s reply for him just now and how everything he does up until today with the intention to make them happy is always going well. “It’s a heavenly feeling to know that the answer is you. There were times when I thought of giving up so many things, for my fear of taking chances, but you gave me all the right reasons to take chances, showed me how to be fearless, and convinced me to just do it, from the way through it all you stayed with me and hold my hand—without fail in every single time. It has always been you from the start.”

“Heaven can be for me to have the honor as well, Hyunnie, to have your heart and for you to share your life with me,” Chanyeol continues, returning what Baekhyun said for him earlier. Then he grins when he hears Baekhyun chuckling after noticing about that particular detail. And for this time he has other things to add with his own words. “And to know with that given honor I can find the right ways of how to love, how to learn where I was wrong and know that I can change.”

“Heaven is to know that whatever I do, if I have you as the thought behind every single of it, I might as well do just anything.” Chanyeol finishes with another fond smile sent Baekhyun’s way, with his hands holding Baekhyun’s to press the small man’s palms gently onto his face and to feel more of the warmth it brings.

Again Baekhyun wants Chanyeol to see himself for who he truly is, so that’s what he does.

“I know you’ve said how it’s all in me. But do you know how actually I’m just coming along with you and how the things you’ve said are more of _your_ power that I admire? All those great things you did and are still doing—how you’re the one that leads where you and I go, and how it’s all your choices of where you will go and will end up at? How no matter how hard it is, still you try your best, with you as the one who decides to let out your strength and do things all by yourself? How brave you are to acknowledge your wrongs and have it in you the need to be a better person? Not many people are as honest and sincere as you to admit that, or as true as you are to do what it takes to improve, because what’s the use of a good thing if the people who are touched by it, and who got the chance to have it, just don’t want to change? What’s the point of knowing the right ways if they don’t have the want and the drive to turn themselves better?” Baekhyun smiles, with his hands still holding and caressing Chanyeol’s cheeks gently. Then he chuckles at the look of awe rising on Chanyeol’s face—his innocent baby is really unknowing of his power, does he? “So, do you see it now? It’s all you.”

Again Chanyeol is unable to string a sentence properly at how Baekhyun can always find ways to make him realize how much he’s worth and to bring out the best of him—he can only try to keep every word Baekhyun said in his mind, to be a source of his strength. So after a few minutes of them again just smiling at each other, he brings down their hands for their fingers to intertwine with each other, exchanging reassurance and comfort through the tight grips. “Even through the swirling chaos, still it’s me and you against whatever the world has for us. So thank you, Hyunnie, for helping me through everything. For making just anything, anytime, anyplace and even when I’m in the face of trouble… all into heaven.”

“All for you, Yeol. And don’t worry, we’ll take whatever is coming for us together,” Baekhyun replies as he mirrors the smile on Chanyeol’s face. He hopes Chanyeol will remember what he said, and even if someday the tall man forgot, he won’t worry for he’ll always be around to remind him. But really, his number one wish is for Chanyeol to know how he too influenced him in much better ways. “Thank you for finding ways to heaven for me, and to let me live in it with you.”

“All for you, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol replies with the same words Baekhyun just said, earning him a chuckle from the small man. Then he leads Baekhyun circling the grand piano again, one slow step at a time, leisurely enjoying their time to just dance and feel only their presence. “For us.”

_Oh I’d love to climb a mountain_  
And reach the highest peak  
But it doesn’t thrill me half as much  
As dancing cheek to cheek 

_Oh I’d love to go out fishing_  
In a river or a creek  
But I don’t enjoy it half as much  
As dancing cheek to cheek 

“Just like what Ms. Fitzgerald and Mr. Armstrong said, being in heaven is to dance with you.” Chanyeol starts again as he stops their steps just so they can sway languidly again following the slow rhythm, chuckling as he mirrors what Baekhyun said for him. But then he adds, “Well—even though I slightly disagree with one thing—we’ve reached summits together and I have to admit that’s heaven too for me.”

“Hey, you took my lines!” Baekhyun feigns an offended look as he gently tugs Chanyeol’s hand with his, teasing the tall man. Then he laughs at the last remark Chanyeol made. “Well—even though I agree with your last comment, probably Ms. Fitzgerald and Mr. Armstrong doesn’t know how fun it is to reach summits. Understandable.”

“As if you didn’t steal mine,” Chanyeol replies, as he laughs at Baekhyun’s reply to his summit comment. Then with a smile he adds, “Even though I have to admit you’re turning it more beautiful with much better words. Now, let me continue to say how much I love you, okay?”

“Okay then,” Baekhyun chuckles, stopping his teasing as he brings their linked hands to rest between their hearts. Hearing Chanyeol saying all the beautiful words containing so much love for him is what he wants to do all the time anyway. “I’ll listen to you and how you too turn my lines into much more amazing things.”

“Thank you, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol replies while still chuckling from Baekhyun’s teasing for him. But for the next one, as a blur of memories worth ten years together with Baekhyun appears in front of his eyes, he holds Baekhyun’s hands tighter and takes a deep breath. “So, not only dancing, whatever I do, even when we were holding back our hunger or with tears waiting to be shed, as long as I’m with you, I can find ways to be happy. On our first year after graduating when we had little to no money and still renting a space before finally buying an apartment, when all we ate every dinner is a pot of ramen and a liter of water shared together. Or when things got difficult when I started my studio company, or when I chose to take the scholarship for my masters degree while everything was so hectic in managing the studio,” he stops for a moment to blink back his tears and sort his breath again. “Or—or just anytime when I had more than half a mind to just quit… you were always there to help me back on my feet, keep me standing and moving forward, all the while still effortlessly reminding me always to stay happy by showing me your sincerest smile and giving me your utmost care for me.”

“You did all of that too, for me, even since we’ve met so many years ago. Do you know that?” Baekhyun replies, as he smiles and again hugging Chanyeol’s body while placing his head to rest on Chanyeol’s chest. He sees the red color that starts to appear on Chanyeol’s teary eyes, and all he wants to do is to comfort him. “When I was too overwhelmed with studying, too stressed and forgetting to stop for a moment and just relax, you were there with all your laughs and wide smiles that are so contagious I can really forget my deadlines for a while just by spending time with you. And I would always come back better, ready to continue working right after. Or when I thought I won’t make it on college since my major wasn’t really my first choice but your continuous support got me graduating as the best in class, for how you helped me find the passion hidden in me and kept me wanting to do better each time. Or when my family had to move to California, you were always there to protect me, keep me safe, reminding me always on how to smile and laugh even when I miss them so much and tears come visiting.”

“We really do have each other’s back, don’t we?” Chanyeol sighs contentedly, feeling so warm from both Baekhyun’s words for him and Baekhyun’s arms around his torso. This time he has his arms circling around Baekhyun’s body to return the hug with one hand wrapping Baekhyun’s waist and the other softly holding Baekhyun’s head, caressing the dark chocolate hair. “You proved, _we_ really proved—wow, everything you say is really right, not that I ever think you’re wrong anyway—it’s like what you said about how we can always look back behind us and find each other just there for us.”

“We really do, it’s true,” Baekhyun smiles, chuckling at the innocent look of pure wonder that Chanyeol is sporting on his face when he looks up to see the tall man’s face again. Then what Chanyeol said brings back a memory into his mind. “Even we have a proof of it! If you remember a few months ago when we went to try and play that midnight laser tag game and won as the best comrades with lots of kills among over so many other teams.”

“We were so cool, roaming the dark place stealthily sneaking behind people with night vision goggles, using those big laser guns doing the back-to-back pose while shooting down enemies!” Chanyeol says excitedly as he relives the same memory in his mind, with his face bright, eyes lit up and twinkling, and smile turning into a wide grin. Then he remembers how they looked like that night, he smirks and adds, “And you looked so gorgeous in those all black colored military gears, Hyunnie, we should go again! I remember I looked so handsome people were looking at me all the time—”

“I bet they were looking at how good looking I am instead,” Baekhyun teases, pulling his tongue out. Even though truthfully, Chanyeol is right—he still can feel the jealousy as fresh as if they’re back on that day, when people were ogling at _his_ Chanyeol, but he can’t let Chanyeol to know about that. So he decides to tease the tall man again. “I also do remember you falling face first because you stumbled upon a low pole—”

“While I was protecting you from a particularly Hawk-Eye-like enemy who shot down everyone!” Chanyeol sulks, suave smirk gone and puppy pout taking place on his face. But then as he’s pulled back into that day, he feels again the tinge of annoyance at how people repeatedly checking _his_ Baekhyun out because just like what he said earlier, Baekhyun with the tight pants showing his thighs and straps all over his biceps, indeed looking so good in just _everything_. But Baekhyun doesn’t need to know that, and he chooses to tease Baekhyun again. “But oh well, you’re also right—even I, the acclaimed handsomest human on earth, agrees to descend and gave the throne for you. I can’t take my eyes off of you.”

“Thank you, Yeol, for saving my life with how you sacrificed yourself to get you and also by how you” Baekhyun laughs before he snug his head into Chanyeol’s embrace again. This is just another time when he makes Chanyeol smile, he doesn’t even have to wait long until Chanyeol makes him laugh—the tall man always returns everything he gives hundreds time better.

“Still _I_ should be the one who thank you. I’m so grateful for you, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol replies, as their hug grows tighter, their bodies still swaying side to side gently. Then he looks down on the small man who’s currently hiding under his arms. “I have exhibit number one right now. For one, thank you for always hugging me. Your arms hugging me tight… your embrace has really become my heaven.”

Even though his voice is a little bit muffled from the way his lips are gently pressed against the shirt Chanyeol wears under his suit, as he chuckles still Baekhyun manages to say, “It should be _me_ who thank you for always holding me tight and close like this.”

“But really, your hug has its own magic—it’s like I can just go everywhere, going to just any place in any country,” Chanyeol explains as again he brushes the back of Baekhyun’s head, ruffling the hair gently. “But if I were alone, it’s feels like there’s something missing. I’d rather spend my time staying at home, as long as I can be with you. Your hug is one out of so many things that get me missing you so much. I’ll do anything just to come back to you, to hug you.”

Feeling the gentle touches of Chanyeol’s hand on his head and the heartfelt words Chanyeol said that reverberate through their hug to reach his heart, Baekhyun peeks up to look into Chanyeol’s eyes again. And just like any other time, he finds the same reassuring look in those orbs that resemble the way the expanse of clear sky and the calm sea surrounds the land with a sense of protection, which becomes one of the strongest reasons of why he loves the tall man so much.

“Coming home to you and really all the weight in my mind and the tiredness in my body are washed away by the sight of your smile and the tight wrap of your arms,” Chanyeol continues when Baekhyun’s face resurfaces into his view again, all smiling and looking at him so softly. “I’m telling the truth—it’s a curious process of the human body and mind I’ve yet to learn, but maybe it’s just as simple as what love—well, only _your_ love—does to me.”

“I know it’s the truth. And you know what, Yeol?” Baekhyun smiles, hands now caressing Chanyeol’s sides under the suit and getting more warmth from the tall man’s comforting body heat. “There’s something about you that makes me realize just one other thing about what is it really about when we’re happy.”

“Me?” Chanyeol smiles as he lets go his hand on Baekhyun’s head for a second just so he can point his index finger at himself, pretending to be so curious just so he can hear what Baekhyun has to say and replying again with the same words he said a while ago. “How so?”

“For so long I thought happiness means being with someone I love physically,” Baekhyun starts as he comes out of the confinement of Chanyeol’s hug just so he can look directly into Chanyeol’s eyes. The thought comes from the way he’s so close to his family and sometimes being far away from them can make his heart ache, but after Chanyeol came into his life he knows there are still so many ways to give a meaning for being happy. “But you taught me how when someone loves you truthfully and honestly, in the love they’re giving you, there’s a piece of them, of the people you love—be it a memory, a thought, a faith, a belief—that makes its way inside you to be a source of our power to lift you up even in the lowest of times or to turn on the light even in the darkest of night. So I know when there’s the farthest distance bridging between us—even when we’re separated in different universes, or even realms between life—we’ll be okay and our hearts will always be together. And those are what define the true meaning of happiness and being happy for me.”

“So… as long as we remember that small but crucial part of the people we love residing within us, we can go as far as our abilities take us,” Chanyeol concludes. He understands what Baekhyun told him—it’s like what he’s been thinking all the time—to have a piece of Baekhyun in him that gives him strength to do things and create happiness for them. “Because with our hearts connected with the flow of love between us, there’s no way of separating it, there’s also no boundary of how our thoughts and feelings can go through to reach us.”

“That’s correct,” Baekhyun agrees, as he observes Chanyeol’s face, grinning when he sees the glint of understanding on Chanyeol’s eyes. “And that’s what you do every day for me, you make me remember of it all—you make sure I won’t ever forget.”

“Now, stay still, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol says as he places his hand on the dip of Baekhyun’s back again and his other hand goes to cup Baekhyun’s cheek to lead Baekhyun’s face closer to his, eyes scanning every smallest detail of the small man he can observe.

“What for?” Baekhyun mumbles with his lips slightly sticking out from the way Chanyeol squeezes his cheek, chuckling when he hears his own voice. Then he realizes the way Chanyeol’s eyes are flitting from one of his face feature to another, staying longer on his eyes as if he’s trying to memorize something written on his dark mahogany irises.

Chuckling at the cute baby voice Baekhyun let out and the ducky pout he created on Baekhyun’s face, Chanyeol gives his reason. “I’m taking as many memories of you as much as I can with my eyes.”

“Then let me give you this.” Baekhyun chuckles as stealthily he reaches for Chanyeol’s face while he tiptoes to kiss Chanyeol’s lips, smiling throughout the time he spend to taste the plumpness of it, and enjoying the loving touches of the tall man’s lips on his.

Chanyeol chuckles into their kiss before crouching down to hug and scoop Baekhyun up in his arms, laughing along when he hears the small man laughing in shock from getting lifted off the ground, spinning them for one smooth turn.

_Now, dance with me_  
I want my arms about you  
The charms about you  
Will carry me through to heaven 

“But for now, for as long as I have you beside me… just hold my hand and I’ll take you wherever you want to go.” Chanyeol says, after they’re done kissing and Baekhyun is back standing on the ground again.

“Really, wherever you’ll take me to, it’ll be heaven,” Baekhyun chuckles as he sways their hands around, bodies circling and just spinning slowly wherever their steps lead to. “And wherever you are, that’s the home I want to come back to.”

“Heaven above, the skies in between and the earth beneath,” Chanyeol muses as he stares deep into Baekhyun’s eyes, reaching his hand up just so he can caress Baekhyun’s cheek again. To have Baekhyun is to have the world in his hands, the universe in his heart. “Wherever it is… it’s home if it’s with you—wait, it’s even better than that—it’s home wherever I can find a piece of you, a memory of us.”

“I love how it sounds, such a simple word but it contains so much more, the depth unknown and not everyone understands. To me it’s amazing how we can _create_ our own home, our version of heaven, and we don’t need to conform to the social norms people set up. Home, you and me, only us,” Baekhyun sighs contentedly, running through the word again and again with his tongue. As he holds Chanyeol’s hand that’s resting on his cheek, he repeats the word for one more time. “Home.”

“Got you.” Chanyeol suddenly says, as he stops Baekhyun from swaying around to give the small man a tight bear hug.

“Got me what?” Baekhyun asks, chuckling lightly at the sudden pull of Chanyeol’s arms, getting his body squeezed pleasantly with his cheeks squished against Chanyeol’s chest.

“I got you,” Chanyeol chuckles along as he rubs Baekhyun’s body softly with his hands before kissing the crown of Baekhyun’s head. “Remember when we’re playing at the studio, I was teasing you about how I’ll get you to tickle you to death and as you ran away you told me how you won’t die since you live forever from my love? And how I replied with if so, I’ll catch you and give you all the love I have in me?”

To that, Baekhyun nods, while offering Chanyeol his chuckle and soft smile. Even without Chanyeol asking him, he does remember—he always keeps everything he and Chanyeol do or say to each other in the safe space of his mind. “Yeah, of course I do.”

After he gave Baekhyun another kiss on his forehead, Chanyeol grins. Then he starts to explain, “Well… now I got you in my arms, and now also I’m giving you all my love just so you can live forever—”

“But Yeol, to me, forever means nothing if I can’t be with you. So lonely I will be without your silly jokes and cheesy one-liners, right?” Baekhyun cuts off. His smile turns into a laugh after he sees Chanyeol laughing with his head tilted back at his teasing. Then with a soft smile, he adds, “So in turn I’ll give you all my love and that way you can live forever too with me. But even so, forever or not, as long as I can spend time with you—just a few seconds or more years I don’t mind—that’s what living forever really mean for me. I appreciate it all so much, really, how you always put me before yourself, but Yeol, I think I really need to stay by your side at all times to make sure you remember that _you_ too, are just as precious and important.”

“That way… we’re exchanging our love, we won’t be only giving,” Baekhyun continues with his soft smile intact on his face. He really can keep going on with his words just to see the graceful transformation that’s currently happening on Chanyeol’s face—from laughing freely into a wide grin before it turns into a soft smile, all because of him. “Our hearts will never be empty, your love in me and mine in you, is always enough for us to be happy even when we’re not around each other.”

Standing speechless, all Chanyeol can do is just stare back in amazement at the gleam of fondness on Baekhyun’s eyes that are directed on him. Then as the song nears the end with Mr. Armstrong and Ms. Fitzgerald’s sweet voices singing the outro, he finally replies, “Hyunnie… do you even know how much I love you?”

“I do, very much, actually,” Baekhyun replies right away as he chuckles at the adorable thoroughly amused look on Chanyeol’s face. “And that’s why I’m here, saying all these words for you, to give back your love for me, and also to make sure you know how much I love you.”

Then in time with the song fading out completely, Baekhyun surges his head forward first to kiss Chanyeol, which the tall man reciprocates by kissing him back and lifting the small man in his hug for a spin on their axis before he lets go, earning them their loud laughter.

“I have just one more thing for us.” Chanyeol announces, as he walks over to the gramophone while still holding Baekhyun’s hand tightly, to change the vinyl record into the second one he prepared.

Baekhyun walks along with Chanyeol, smiling softly at the man walking in front of him, who’s currently trying to lift the gramophone’s stylus and replacing the vinyl records with only just one hand—prominent from that it seems like Chanyeol doesn’t want to let go of his hand—so adorable. So he walks to his side, and using his free hand that’s not holding Chanyeol’s to help the tall man to place the new vinyl on the turntable. Then he smiles at the man in suit. “Let me help you.”

“Thank you, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol smiles back as he looks into Baekhyun’s smiling face, taking in the calming aura Baekhyun seems to radiate perpetually. At such simple gesture of help Baekhyun just performed, he can’t help but think of the moments Baekhyun has helped him, be it something small like this or at times when everything seems heavy. And for this one, even though words will never be enough, he wants to tell just how _much_ he’s grateful for the small man to stay right by his side. So after he placed the stylus on the vinyl record, and a moment later, Etta James’ 1960 soul blues song _At Last_ fills the office’s air.

_At last my love has come along_  
My lonely days are over and life is like a song  
At last the skies above are blue  
My heart was wrapped in clover the night I looked at you 

“Thank you so much, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol whispers as he hugs Baekhyun tight, slightly crouching down to meet Baekhyun’s arms and letting their chests to touch, just so he can feel Baekhyun’s heartbeat thudding against his ribcages and along his own heartbeat—he feels like they’re one. This is truly the moment when he’s just overwhelmed, eyes feeling like it’s burning from the hot tears he’s trying so hard to hold back, so stirred by emotions and happiness of finally getting engaged to Baekhyun. “Thank you.”

“For what, Yeol?” Baekhyun chuckles, as he raises his body a little, tiptoeing just a bit to adjust their hug just so he can place his head on Chanyeol’s shoulders and stroke Chanyeol’s back with both of his hands. But as he turns his head up to face Chanyeol, he can see a trace of tear streaking down his cheek, with his lips quivering slightly. “Chanyeol, hey. Didn’t you just say ten minutes ago I should not be crying or I’ll be ugly? I don’t want to see my handsome Yeol turn into Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” he coos, chuckling as he changes his tactic with slight teasing. He’ll do anything just to make Chanyeol smile. “Don’t cry, Yeol. I’m here. Do I need to cry along with my giant puppy?”

As Chanyeol laughs softly at the way Baekhyun returns his teasing, he can feel his face being cradled by Baekhyun’s soft hands with Baekhyun’s thumbs wiping the tears that were just going to fall from his eyes. And as the hands he’ll forever hold on to moves to tidy his blue hair, with its touches so gentle and warm on his forehead, he can’t help but close his eyes to shut all other senses for a while and focus on Baekhyun’s hands on his face, with his arms winding around Baekhyun’s waist to keep the small man close with him.

“If you want to, you can always tell me what’s on your mind and I’ll help you as much as I can. And if you don’t, we can just stay like this for as long as you want… and I’ll still help you as much as I can,” Baekhyun adds after a while, feeling the way Chanyeol keeps his silence and letting his weight fall on him. So of course he hugs the tall man tighter, supporting their weights just like the way Chanyeol always does for him. “I love you so much, Yeol.”

Smoothly, as if Baekhyun has pushed the right button inside him, a smile comes out to show on Chanyeol’s face, so wide it reaches both of his cheekbones. Even though with their position, with him resting his body for a while, crouching down as he hugs Baekhyun tight, Baekhyun’s arms draping over his shoulder to engulf him completely in his embrace… he can sense Baekhyun’s smile, so warm and full of love, for him.

“It’s common for people to say _you’re the one I’ve been looking for_ , but for me it’s different. Your impact is more than that—I thought I had it all but then you came into my life with all those you have… you— _you_ never fail to amaze me, you changed my mind and opened my eyes to realize how only once in my life I’ll find someone who will turn my world around and bring me all the right grounds to be happy and loved fully. That person is you,” Chanyeol starts as he straightens himself to see Baekhyun’s face better, still keeping his hands around Baekhyun’s waist, finally finding his voice from the words Baekhyun said. “So thank you for being my own one in a million four-leafed clover. For being the meaning behind the lines and the tunes of the songs I composed, being the reason behind everything I do. For bringing all the new colors of feelings into my days that once and alone I can only dream about, from being a true work of art that you are. For being the one that helps me find my strength. For being all I need.”

“You know, Yeol,” Baekhyun smiles gently as he observes the features of Chanyeol’s face softening—the pinkish blush on the cheeks, the gentle rise of the cheeks, the lips turning up into a beautiful smile, and the way the dark cinnamon eyes are looking at him with so much love and warmth shining radiantly just for him. This time the upturn of his own mouth is caused by the way he can see Chanyeol grinning at him, tears wiped away—back to his happy Chanyeol. “All of those you’ve said… I think you have it all already in you.”

“Should I count it again for you? Alright, let’s see… for all that I need, they’re not too hard to see or to find, and I don’t have to look very far since I know it’s all there in your heart, too. And the best thing is that you give me all of it, continuously and free, alongside every word you spoke and everything you do,” Baekhyun continues, as he rests his arms around Chanyeol’s neck and places his hand on Chanyeol’s nape to inspect Chanyeol’s face closer. He does find in Chanyeol the true meaning behind the type of leaf the tall man and Ms. James mentioned. “Luck, hope, faith, and love…”

“Since the very beginning I’ve always considered you as someone special. _My_ someone special,” Baekhyun explains further as momentarily he lets go of his right hand’s hold on Chanyeol’s face just so he can tuck a few strands of Chanyeol’s hair behind the tall man’s ear. He’ll never stop showing how much he loves Chanyeol in everything he does and says. “Only your doing, Yeol, your own certain kind of magic and its incalculable power in the acts you do that infallibly make me and everyone else around you feel happy, worthy, and loved.”

While enjoying the gentle caresses of Baekhyun’s hands, Chanyeol is utterly speechless, even more than the times when he heard the words Baekhyun said for him when they danced to Mr. Armstrong and Ms. Fitzgerald’s _Cheek to Cheek_ , and that says a lot. But in the thoroughly amused and pleasantly surprised state he’s in, with his mouth slightly parted and eyes staring unbelievingly at Baekhyun, he still manages to blurt out, “Hyunnie how—just _how_ you always manage to give back everything I do or say for you in even better ways?”

“What?” Baekhyun chuckles at the utterly amused look on Chanyeol’s face. Truthfully, he can never hold himself back whenever he sees Chanyeol’s tear lined eyes… he’d do anything to wipe it away. So he tiptoes, reaching his hand to touch the crown of Chanyeol’s head and to ruffle the blue hair softly, before he pulls the tall man’s head closer just so their foreheads are touching. “I’m just pointing out from you what I see and I feel—you have all of those good qualities in you alongside all the right reasons for you to be happy and to be loved purely—it’s not that hard to see when you’re _this_ tall.”

To that Chanyeol bursts out laughing, which prompts Baekhyun who was holding his chuckle to laugh as well, and they laugh for a while. As their laughter dies down, he pulls Baekhyun’s tiptoeing figure down to hug the small man. And this time, another look into Baekhyun’s eyes he can see the strength and distinctness of perception in the way Baekhyun can adeptly know what to do and to say for him that manages to usher away his sadness even better than any swipe of the thumb do. “Thank you, Hyunnie.”

Being wrapped by Chanyeol’s arms with their bodies close, Baekhyun smiles as he can see the way Chanyeol is laughing heartily, and the tear that was hanging on Chanyeol’s eyes drops away, finally gone and the shine of happiness from the dark cinnamon orbs are streaming out even brighter—he can testify this moment right now is when he knows he’s experiencing the epitome of happiness. Then he squeezes Chanyeol’s torso he’s currently hugging gently as he teases the tall man, to hear him laugh again. “Anything for you, my giant puppy.”

The reappearance of his term of endearment said in Baekhyun’s soft voice and the feel of Baekhyun’s arms hugging him tighter are successful in making Chanyeol laugh heartily, his head tipped back slightly. 

“And at last… For filling the empty sky for me—just like the way you fill my heart,” Chanyeol continues after a minute just looking at Baekhyun, whose smile never falter for him. “For being the bright sunshine on a blue sky, the silver lining in the clouds amongst the grey colored days, the rainbow peeking out alongside the aroma of fresh grass in the air after a long rain, the calm after the storm passed, the moonlight that shines through the night’s lowest hours until I can find the morning sun again, and the hue of orange from the sun sinking at the horizon at the end of the day.”

For some people what Chanyeol said might sound like something out of a novel instead of what someone actually say in real life, but to him, after observing the world and watching the sky changes following the transitions of the season for ten years with Baekhyun by his side… he has seen it with his own eyes—how the beauty of the world are all reflected in Baekhyun. Then with his eyes flitting between the two orbs of Baekhyun’s eyes and his hands holding both of Baekhyun’s cheeks, he adds, “For being the person I come home to.”

“Thank you, Yeol…” Baekhyun can only smile as he holds Chanyeol’s cheek, feeling the softness and the warmth of the skin on his palm, feeling how honored he is after hearing the words Chanyeol said for him, to know how Chanyeol considers him to have the same qualities of nature’s unequalled beauty. As he watches the way Chanyeol scrunches his face in delight and leaning more into his touches, he thinks about for ten years he’s been with Chanyeol, the tall man without fail always find ways to make sure he feels so loved and happy, and how grateful he is for him.

But there’s one other word Chanyeol said that elicits something in him— _home_. Since he always remember what Chanyeol said word for word, he knows the sentence Chanyeol just said is the same thing as the one the tall man said yesterday when they spent time on the first day of snow out at the city park. So as he grins wide to the smiling man in front of him, he sings the song they listened at that time, now knowing the hidden messages behind all the songs the tall man played for him—they’re all hints for this very day where he finally proposed him. “Happy we’ll be beyond the sea…”

As he laughs, realizing Baekhyun has finally understand the hints he left when they danced to Mr. Sinatra’s _The Best Is Yet To Come_ and Mr. Darin’s _Beyond the Sea_ and without missing a beat, he sings along with Baekhyun and continues the line. “And never again, I’ll go sailing.”

“Thank you so much, Yeol. For everything and for the skies,” Baekhyun muses after they’re done singing some more of the song’s lines, as he gazes far into Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon eyes. The subject of the region of the clouds in the upper atmosphere of the earth is his favorite. But really, after meeting Chanyeol all those years ago, the skies have turned into something else entirely, no longer just a region of the clouds in the upper air above his head. “Everything you said to me… those are all the good words that will be written forever in my heart.”

“Thank you, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol smiles. For so long, he knows how fond Baekhyun is for astronomy related topic, how Baekhyun loves to watch the sky for hours with him, sitting on the chair of their balcony and studying the house of the bright stars, the moon and planets, fleeting comets and dusty nebulas with the telescope they own. Sometimes he wishes to be just like the sky just so he can be kept forever in Baekhyun’s memory too—but what he wishes more is for Baekhyun to know how beautiful he is, and how he should never forget about it. “I just know how you love to watch and memorize the sky, and how I think you should know I do love and memorize you just like you do with the sky.”

Then suddenly Baekhyun remembers something he said a few years ago for Chanyeol, and from it he gets an idea. “You know, Yeol. Even though it’s a bit hard, the sky isn’t that much to remember. Do you know why? Because _you_ are the one that really fill my mind. I think have little to no space left,” he laughs, showing Chanyeol his cheeky grin. “From the first point of earth’s core and up to the unlimited space above the skies that’s how far I’ll go for you—and even more than that.”

There has been too many times when Baekhyun seems to be able to read his mind. So, hearing the words Baekhyun just said with a cute, shy look on his face that shows the way Baekhyun tried to make him happy by adding his usual touch of teasing to his own clever words… it really does make Chanyeol to laugh heartily. Then as a grin forms on his face, he echoes what Baekhyun said earlier. “Hyunnie, those are all the good words that will be written forever in my heart.”

“Thank you, Yeol,” Baekhyun chuckles, knowing it’s the answer he said for Chanyeol and deciding to reply with the same reply he got from Chanyeol a few minutes ago as well, which earns him the tall man’s laugh that he always wants to hear. Then, for some reason, in the starry gleam of Chanyeol’s eyes, he finally remembers what the sky has turned into after Chanyeol arrived into his life, and he needs to make sure Chanyeol knows about it. So he continues, “You are my sky… my sky full of stars that too guides me through the darkest times of the night, the celestial haven where I find the heavenly view of your smiles,” and when he hears Chanyeol’s soft _thank you, Hyunnie_ he adds a teasing just so he can make the tall man laugh again—he’s addicted to it. “And where I can actually find you because you’re tall.”

To that, Chanyeol bursts out laughing and just somehow his knees become weak from too much laughter that he slips from his stance and gets Baekhyun laughing heartily too, before helping him to stand again. 

_I found a dream that I can speak to_  
A dream that I can call my own  
I found a thrill to press my cheek to  
A thrill I’ve never known 

“Thank you, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol continues, after they’re done laughing and back on moving their bodies along Ms. James’ voice. He’s not going to stop telling Baekhyun how grateful he is, and somehow he feels all teary and emotional again. For this moment, he’s only aiming his attention at making sure Baekhyun knows how precious he is to him and keeping Baekhyun close in his embrace with his arms wrapped around Baekhyun’s body, covering the small man with his body. “For holding my hands so tight, but still letting me to go and try with my own ways all the while making sure I’m safe, and keeping my arms extended farther to reach higher at all the attempts I do to achieve my dreams.”

Being buried comfortably inside Chanyeol’s warm embrace, Baekhyun can feel how affected Chanyeol is from his feelings from how the tall man’s body is starting to quiver again. So for the moment he decides to continue stroking Chanyeol’s back, hoping his arms that are hugging him back can help easing the silent sobs he knows the tall man is currently trying so hard to hold back, to tell how it’s okay to let out his feelings and his tears. “Yeol…”

“Thank you for getting me to where I am today,” Chanyeol says again with his hands now caressing Baekhyun’s back slowly, trying to give more warmth into their hug too as he senses the small man’s arms wrapped tight around his body. His words are true though, Baekhyun is always there from something as simple as helping him to study and pass his exams, to much more important points like being the aid that stays by his side when he was starting his company. “I surely know I can walk on my own but… I can never go this far without you.”

“Okay, now that you’ve said it, now it’s your turn to listen to me and remember what I say, Alright? You deserve the full credit of the things you do,” Baekhyun replies with his voice and smile so soft. With their slow waltz forgotten, now he focuses only on letting Chanyeol knows how important he is to him and holding Chanyeol closely with his arms around tightly twined around the tall man’s waist. “You, your own strong will and your relentlessly effortful self to keep on doing things that you know is right, that will bring happiness and good days for you and everyone around you. Those are all _you_. All I do is just accompanying you by standing next to you, supporting you from the sidelines at times, and giving you a little push in the back.” 

If it’s possible, Chanyeol can feel he’s going to burst soon from the flow of happiness and love Baekhyun is filling his heart with. As he retracts himself back from their hug, he searches for Baekhyun’s face to find the way Baekhyun’s eyes instantly find his and his soft smile for him that seems to never leave from his face. And it all makes the only thing he wants to do is just to return all those feelings for Baekhyun—to make Baekhyun just as happy and loved as the small man making him, and even more than that, if it’s possible. “You told me a long time ago, during all those nights of us camping over your dorm’s rooftop back in our university days, how to be happy is your only dream. But now I know it’s no longer yours, it’s my dream too—for you to always be happy.”

“You’re right, Yeol,” Baekhyun smiles, chuckling at the sight of Chanyeol in his black suit professing his love just like a gentleman, but face still looking all adorable like a five years old convincing his parents that he didn’t eat the chocolate bar despite having trails of chocolate on the corners of his mouth. “But only for half of it.”

A slight frown appears on Chanyeol’s face. The sentence Baekhyun just said seems to be contradictory to the soft smile the small man is currently sending him… “Wait—but how—”

“It’s true that for so long my one and only dream is for me to be happy, but it seems like you’ve made it another one coming true and real already. And even better, you changed my dream—not just me, but for _us_ to experience happiness fully, so I’ll have you with me in my dream as well—and you made it come true too, by the way I can see how you always slip happiness in everything you do and how you just bring around your smiles and laughter to make just anyone happy too. So there you go, an evidence of how important you really are. I really can say this million times over if you need it. So, thank you, Yeol,” Baekhyun continues, again chuckling at how Chanyeol’s frown gradually transforms into a stare so fond and a smile so soft for him. “We’ve come so far, from just two freshly graduates starting at nothing, to now where we have a roof to live together under and hearts to be tied forever soon. After knowing you for so long, without question I know that if I stay with you, if we stick together, our dreams will come true—even right now they’re coming true. So, through the good times and the bad I’ll be standing there right next to you.”

Then, as an attempt to make his Chanyeol laugh again, with a cheery voice and a wide grin painted on his face Baekhyun adds, “And can you believe we’re getting married? We’re really getting married, Yeol! I really can’t wait, I’m so happy!”

“We really are getting married, soon,” Chanyeol finally laughs, his grin showing up at the sight of an excited Baekhyun looking exactly like a five years old going to an amusement park for the first time. As Baekhyun’s previous words are repeated again in his mind, he realizes no words are able to be the adequate reply, so all he does next is hug the small man again, and as he wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s body and having the small man automatically hugging him back… he feels again _that_ particular feeling Baekhyun’s hug is always giving him. So he mumbles, “You know why I love hugging you?”

“I do have an idea for it,” Baekhyun chuckles both at the question he knows he doesn’t have to answer and the way Chanyeol’s hair tickles his cheeks as the tall man rests his head on his shoulder, lips brushing his nape and nose nuzzling the ends of his hair. “But I’m so sure your idea will be better. So I’ll just listen to yours then.”

“Shall I reveal your magic? Let’s see,” Chanyeol chuckles as he straightens himself from the hug before moving his arms from Baekhyun’s waist to twine around Baekhyun’s shoulders, this time engulfing the small man inside his hug again. “By hugging you, I found all the thrills you’re giving me that I’m so thankful for—both the feeling of excitement and pleasure that somehow only you can magnificently insert into everything we do in every day we spent even when we’re doing nothing and just cuddling each other at home, and the pacifying resonance of your heartbeat that I hear every time I place my ears next to your heart whenever we’re lying together. Your hug, with your arms wrapped tightly around me, gets me so much; all the warmth the summer sun has, the reassurance of how at the start of the day I’ll wake up and know that I have you with me, and that at the end of the day still I have you—everything that I live for.”

After Chanyeol loosened his hug on him and as they circle the place for one more turn around the grand piano, slowly dancing around again with hands holding each other’s, smiling softly at each other… Baekhyun knows those are the words he’s going to keep forever. Not to mention the way Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon eyes are staring on him ever so affectionately warm that reminds him of the mugs of hot chocolate they always drink together while cuddling on the bed under their blankets, and how Chanyeol’s words are always successful in making his heart melt.

“You know, Yeol? Your heartbeat is my favorite too. The one and only song in the world that calms me down and helps me sleep…” Baekhyun starts, his voice trailing as he savors the feeling of Chanyeol’s hug. This time it's his turn to hug Chanyeol, so he gently presses his cheek on Chanyeol’s chest, ear stopping just right above Chanyeol’s heart, wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s waist to give exactly everything the tall man mentioned about their hugs. “Your heart beats for your life and for mine too. For me, its constant, comforting rhythm is telling me how you’re alive and well, and that with my body pressed flush against yours as I placed my ears on your chest, I know I have you with me… healthy and happy.”

As Chanyeol observes the small man currently hiding in his arms, he can’t help but think how those simple but very meaningful sentences Baekhyun said for him is what will be chanted in his heart every day.

_You smiled and then the spell was cast_  
And here we are in heaven  
For you are mine at last 

“It’s amazing how with just one smile, it can change everything,” Chanyeol continues as he caresses Baekhyun’s back, rubbing the body gently and admiring the way he can feel Baekhyun’s heartbeat on their touching chests… Baekhyun is, as always, right—it gives him the reassurance he has the small man with him, healthy and happy. “One smile from you and I can feel myself relaxing, my heartbeat slowing down, my mind can sort things out better. Do you understand—”

“I do, very much, indeed.” Baekhyun cuts off with a smile as he loosens his hug on Chanyeol’s waist to straighten his body and look at Chanyeol’s face—finally finding the fond smile that becomes one of the reason he knows after one look at it will help him to see that silver lining among the grey clouds in the darkest, cloudy day.

“How?” Chanyeol smiles at the way Baekhyun’s head pops out from his embrace, showing him the sight of Baekhyun’s face with his bright eyes that makes him look like an excited puppy—and finding the beaming smile that rises up alongside the track of how the sun goes in the morning to start his day and follows the moon at night to light up the dark sky.

“One smile from you and I can feel happy, because you’re happy. It’s such a paradox but if you see it up close… it’s not just like a circle with no starting or ending point, but it’s more like two parallel lines going side by side. We have our own ways to be happy but together we can be _more_ happy,” Baekhyun muses, the smile on his face softening at the view of Chanyeol’s wide grin and Chanyeol’s eyes welcoming him back. “And actually even without seeing you smile, I know I can be happy. I know you do exist to grace my life and that I’m not alone in this world. Whether we’re smiling or crying, I know at the end we can be happy.”

“Fate or not, I just know that I’m bound to see you smile. I saw your smile all those years ago and suddenly we have the universe’s hands pulling us together and then that’s it. That’s when I knew I’ll be marrying you,” Chanyeol laughs as this time he has his hands slowly drawing circles on the protruding spots of Baekhyun’s waist, while once in a while caressing gently Baekhyun’s sides. “And here we are… soon to be husbands.”

“It’s like the universe’s theory of existence isn’t it?” Baekhyun laughs along, picking up the subject of universe. “How the story about the universe’s existence that starts from nothing to everything just happens like that—” he lets go his hold on Chanyeol’s waist for a second to snap his fingers, with a look of pure wonder and an amused smile plastered on his face as he finally connects the dots from what Chanyeol said. “Like the way it only needs one gentle thing to start a chain reaction or the fall of the stack of dominos, it only takes one smile for a universe of you and all the love you consist of to exist and stay in my heart… you’re right, one smile and here we are in the heaven of our own, being together for ten years and counting—getting married soon.”

“People said how the fun of life lies in the fact that we never know what will happen, how we’ll keep on guessing about the next days coming for us. But even so, among life’s complicated scenarios with uncertain guesses and confusing questions filling my mind… still I know one thing for sure,” Baekhyun continues, chuckling to himself as he feels again the utter astonishment and gratefulness at just how he’s so lucky for life to give him the chance to know Chanyeol. “I just know you’re the person I’ll spend my life with.”

This is just another time when Chanyeol can only stare back at Baekhyun’s dark mahogany orbs, which are sending so much messages filled with love into his, while chuckling to himself at yet another realization for how easy it is for Baekhyun to perceive things and create wonder that are just plainly so brilliant it puts the constellation of stars and the cluster of galaxies to shame.

“And you know what, after knowing that, my life is still so much fun—I’ve laughed so much to the point it’s enough to last many lifetimes of me—my days are even more enjoyable and better with you.” Baekhyun quips with a chuckle, earning him Chanyeol’s hearty laughter.

“It’s amazing to know that it’s been ten years since we’ve decided to stick together and right now we’re still smiling and laughing just like we did at the first time we met,” Chanyeol agrees, smiling as he remembers that very day he first saw Baekhyun smiling, and the way he knows the smile Baekhyun has on his face right now is the same as the one he saw all those years ago. This time he pulls Baekhyun closer again to have the small man resting his head on his chest, just right below his shoulder. “And I’ll keep us that way, I’ll keep us happy all the time for more years to come, until the very end.”

“Thank you for making me smile so much, Yeol. It’s all I need to do just anything,” Baekhyun chuckles as he looks up, never taking his eyes off of Chanyeol’s eyes and smile—he knows there’s no way he can forget the smile Chanyeol had at the first day they saw each other ten years ago, and he hopes he can always put it that way too. Then he decides to bury himself again in Chanyeol’s hug while gently squeezing Chanyeol’s body by tightening his arms. “And by anything, I mean it to be every single thing I can do to make us happy.”

“Thank you for being mine,” Chanyeol says after a few moments sorting his breath, his voice again quivering from the intense wave of his feelings. He can only repeatedly rub Baekhyun’s back with his hands, getting that calming feeling in every stroke he does for having Baekhyun both in his arms’ embrace and in his life. “Thank you for letting me to try to make you happy.”

“You know, Yeol, to me… it’s more like thank you for letting me to come into your life and to taste happiness so wholly with you.” Baekhyun confesses what he always thinks about in mind, his voice soft. The rolling tides of feelings currently crashing against the shore of his heart right now makes him unable to speak properly, hoping his hug can carry the message to Chanyeol instead. 

“Thank you, Hyunnie… Thank you for staying by my side, for living love with me in every second of my days,” Chanyeol chants what his heart has always been whispering in each day from how he finds Baekhyun always there right next to him. At what Baekhyun just said for him, even though the small man is whispering he hears the earnestness in Baekhyun’s voice, and now he feels another batch of tears is ready to come out. “Thank you so much.”

“After all this time, I’ll stay with you. I’ll always love you and make your heart feel the way it should,” Baekhyun smiles, keeping his grip around Chanyeol’s torso sturdy but gentle nevertheless. He knows how easy Chanyeol is to be filled with so much emotion, and he just wants to hold the tall man through his smiles and tears—through everything, really. “Always.”

“I’ll always have you with me,” Chanyeol whispers as he closes his eyes to just feel Baekhyun’s presence. Even so, without Baekhyun saying it out loud, he knows. Ten years ago he found it and ten years later still finds it—the clear declaration of assurance that gives him confidence and trust in Baekhyun’s words and gestures for him. There was no worry or doubt in his mind and it won’t start to appear anytime soon. So as he tries as much as he can to hold back his cry, and instead he hugs Baekhyun tightly again. “Now nothing can take you away from me.”

“You’ll have me for always, I promise. I’m not going anywhere,” Baekhyun assures with his soothing voice, while instantly wrapping his arms around Chanyeol’s waist again, welcoming him back into the hug. Somehow he can feel Chanyeol so close into crying, so when he realizes the last line Ms. James sang reminds him of when they were at the studio and Chanyeol asked him to dance to Frank Sinatra’s _The Best Is Yet To Come_ , he decides to tease Chanyeol. “The best is yet to come and babe, won’t it be fine?” he sings softly with his silvery voice, chuckling as he does so, hoping it’ll bring laughter for his tall man. “The best is yet to come, come the day you’re mine—”

“And now you are mine.” Chanyeol sings along, changing Mr. Sinatra’s line slightly to fit what he wants to do: to proudly announce to the world that Baekhyun trusts him his heart. Even such simple thing like Baekhyun still remembering what he said yesterday for the small man makes him so delighted. Then he laughs, “I’m way a lot luckier than Mr. Sinatra, am I?”

“You are, Yeol. Very much,” Baekhyun chuckles, while nodding gently as he reaches his hand up to hold Chanyeol’s face, caressing the cheek gently with his thumb. His plan worked—his Chanyeol is laughing again. So all his heart wants right now is to make sure everyone know that Chanyeol lets him to keep his heart within him—his number one pride. “And so do I.”

As the cue of the song’s outro is heard, Ms. James belting the last note elegantly with her distinctive powerful deep voice, with the reply Baekhyun said for him and the warm hug of Baekhyun’s arms around his body giving him back his strength, Chanyeol breaks the hug before he takes Baekhyun’s hand and spins him for an underarm turn, keeping his eyes glued on Baekhyun’s laughing face.

Then Baekhyun snatches an attempt to spin Chanyeol and be the lead for the underarm turn, which results in him having to tiptoe as high as he could and Chanyeol laughing loudly at how he has to duck low to be able to pass under his arms.

And as they stumble, almost falling down to the floor if it weren’t for Chanyeol’s sturdy grip on Baekhyun’s arms, they laugh at their height difference, with Chanyeol doting on how adorably tiny Baekhyun is to be completely hidden under his arms’ embrace.

They are about to continue slow dancing with Baekhyun nestled in Chanyeol’s arms, with the song's soft tunes and Etta James’ divine vocals that’s full of longing tenderness lullabying them, but then they’re disturbed by a very ecstatic Junmyeon running from his main office, completely delighted.

“Aaaaah! My sons, I’m so happy for you two! Don’t worry I have it all recorded!” Junmyeon screams with his phone on his hands while running in full speed towards a bewildered Baekhyun and a chuckling Chanyeol. Trust Junmyeon to act like a proud dad on his kids’ baseball game, who shouts out loud _Those are my kids!_ at the neighboring people every time his kids do as much as swinging the bat. In no time he reaches the duo, and proceeds to hug them.

“Hyung! You’re here!” Baekhyun says, while struggling to breathe under Junmyeon’s iron clad hug. Only after he hears Junmyeon’s delighted scream he realizes they’re still at his office—it’s one of Chanyeol’s charm he loves, how being in the tall man’s embrace gets him forget their surroundings. But then, he casts a demanding look both at Chanyeol and Junmyeon. “Hyung, Chanyeol, explain.”

Junmyeon releases his hug, oblivious at how Baekhyun and Chanyeol are gasping for air after his firm hug session ended. “I’m sorry Baekhyun, but magicians never reveal the secrets behind their tricks, or else it will lose its magic.”

Baekhyun retorts with a pout and a _but hyung!_ that Junmyeon brushes away easily at the same time as Chanyeol agrees with a _well said, hyung_ and a fist bump with Junmyeon.

Junmyeon laughs at Baekhyun’s pout. “I can only say as much that when I texted you _emergen cy_ , it means _emergency Chanyeol_!” He says proudly at his own idea. “Now, now, Baekhyun, smile! Or should I say… Park Baekhyun?”

To that, Baekhyun’s pout morphs into a shy smile on his embarrassed face while he stutter intelligible words, which make both Junmyeon and Chanyeol cackle.

“But Chanyeol—you hurt as much as one, _one,_ strand of Baekhyun’s hair, you’re a dead meat.” Junmyeon says, tone austere but face sporting a big golly smile directed at Chanyeol. That succeeds to shut Chanyeol up, and it’s Baekhyun’s turn to cackle at Chanyeol.

“Okay! I’ll leave you two alone again for a few minutes.” Junmyeon winks. Then he walks away, back to his own office to leave them again, giving the newly engaged couple more time to be alone together.

“You look beautiful, as always,” Chanyeol comments after Junmyeon is out of earshot, as he fixes Baekhyun’s fringe. “You changed your outfit, I think I saw you wearing the plaid before I go preparing your surprise.”

“You look gorgeous yourself, handsome,” Baekhyun replies, returning the compliment with a wink that earns him a laugh from Chanyeol. “My instincts told me to change,” he chuckles, but wait—as far as he remembers Chanyeol left the apartment when he was still only wearing his white t-shirt… “Wait, Yeol. How do you know I was wearing my plaid?”

Chanyeol’s hand on Baekhyun’s hair freezes, he realizes he just got caught in the act, and even worse, he turned himself in. “Oops, I might or might not have hid behind the bushes of our apartment to spy on you. I also asked the grandma landlord for what you wore but I guess it was a bad intel after all,” then he decides to reveal his cards. “And I—uh— I took a day off today for this, and asked for Junmyeon hyung and my crews’ help for everything.” He grins sheepishly, like a kid caught skipping school.

“So today you didn’t have an important client meeting? Your crews were helping you to hide your whereabouts? Junmyeon hyung helped you with the office arrangement?” Baekhyun chuckles, while trying to confirm his suspicions which earns him a nod and a satisfied smirk from Chanyeol. Then he remembers that time when they played _Je te veux_ , which before he heard the piece Chanyeol played is the same as the one the tall man played for him today. “Then the time when you played the piano at four in the morning and—”

“—And when we played _Je te veux_ is when I was working on the songs and my monologue for today, sacrificing nights of my sleep for you. Correct.” Chanyeol finishes, chuckling as he sees the cute dawning apprehension look on Baekhyun’s face.

Baekhyun laughs, amused by how much Chanyeol had gone through, he’s really the type to always go all out for the things he wants to achieve. Then he eyes his own blazer and Chanyeol’s suit, noticing something. “Now we look like we’re ready to have a wedding in any second, you know.”

“That shows how your instincts are always right,” Chanyeol smiles as his arm goes to circle Baekhyun’s waist, pulling him closer. “As for the wedding, it’s coming soon. Wait for its airtime.” He winks, and then spontaneously kisses Baekhyun’s smiling lips—with the kiss holding another promise for Baekhyun.

Arms automatically finding its way to wrap Chanyeol’s neck, Baekhyun softly kisses Chanyeol back. Feeling the smiles on their lips melting together, the gentle touches of Chanyeol’s lips on his and the way Chanyeol holds him so close and tight… he knows when exactly is soon. Slowly detaching his lips a minute later, he opens his eyes to look into Chanyeol’s and whispers, “Home?”

“Home we go.” Chanyeol nods, opening his eyes in time with Baekhyun. Then he smiles as he clips Baekhyun’s chin and brushes Baekhyun’s lower lip with his thumb to trace the sweet smile, before he links his hand with Baekhyun’s and leads them walking to find Junmyeon.

After the strawberry cheesecakes are cut, shared and eaten by everyone present, after they’re done giving out their thanks and goodbyes to Junmyeon’s crews, and also done shaking hands, receiving numerous congratulations, proud pats on their backs from Baekhyun’s coworkers who were hiding in the second floor on the boss’ instruction, Chanyeol and Baekhyun finally manage to get out of the maze of people to find Junmyeon.

Chanyeol insisted to tidy up all of the decorations and musical instruments he brought, but Junmyeon offered and insisted to do it instead of him. Chanyeol rejected the offer, saying he can do it because they are all his properties and it will give Junmyeon problems, but Junmyeon waved him off with a flick of his hand and a simple _I am a boss here, I have lots of resources one call away to do things for me, don’t worry!_

So after thanking Junmyeon again and again, Chanyeol and Baekhyun decide to leave the office. But they are just walking towards the office’s door when they hear Junmyeon’s booming voice calling them back, with a very loud _play safe tonight kids, don’t forget to always use protection!_ that left them very red faced and several people laughing at them.

Finally seated in Chanyeol’s truck, Baekhyun doesn’t forget to give Chanyeol his birthday gift, a pair of the latest Vic Firth drumsticks— _Wow, Hyunnie! Coldplay’s drummer Mr. Will Champion uses this exact type of drumsticks! Thank you so much! I love you!_ —and of course, lots of kisses.

Their ride home is full of sneaky hand gestures from both parties, Baekhyun half sitting half folding his legs in Chanyeol’s lap after an unsuccessful attempt from Chanyeol to pull Baekhyun to straddle him in the driver’s seat, resulting in Chanyeol almost bumping the car into the road rail; Baekhyun’s hands manages to unbutton half of Chanyeol’s shirt’s button and Chanyeol’s hand more than once slips under Baekhyun’s t-shirt to touch him.

As soon as they reached their apartment, which journey upstairs is colored with sloppy kisses and hands grabbing anything they can reach—it was stopped short after they accidentally met the landlords who laughed at their antics inside the lift—they were finally left on their own.

Door finally closed behind them, Chanyeol breathes out in relief. Then he looks over to Baekhyun who’s smiling at him and is wrapped tight around his arms. At the sight of Baekhyun’s lips turning colors into brilliant red, face flushed, eyes hooded with so much love and something else that’s akin to need and body shining with the gleam of the sweat caused from their body heat—all just from his kisses… somehow it gets him trying to rip off his suit and just kiss Baekhyun again…

“Hey, hey, Yeol, what are you doing?” Baekhyun laughs, stopping their heated kiss for a while when he sees Chanyeol struggling to pull his suit and shirt while at the same time still holding his cheek to pull his head close and kiss him. “Why are you trying to tear your shirt’s button off and yank every piece of your clothes? Are you trying to be like Superman?”

“Uh—well—I just want to—I mean—” Chanyeol stutters, chuckling lightly with his cheeks reddening, snapped out from the daze of his dream by Baekhyun’s amused laugh. And when Baekhyun only continues to chuckle at him and starts to take off his suit in much more careful way than he did, he tries to make Baekhyun to let him do it instead and adds, “It’s okay, Hyunnie, I can do it—I’ll tidy everything up next morning—”

“We have lots of time for that later, I promise,” Baekhyun chuckles, both at how he knows what Chanyeol has in mind and at Chanyeol’s adorably shy stutter. Then while holding Chanyeol’s hands out, he walks over to stand behind Chanyeol, taking the suit off neatly with slow tugs and to stop the tall man from moving around. “Come here, let’s put them aside. Now stand up and stay still.”

“Alright, alright, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol laughs. As he watches Baekhyun taking care of him so lovingly—gently taking off his suit and unbuttoning the vest before draping them over his arm, while taking his hand to follow him to their bedroom to take some time to hang the clothing on its respective hangers—he can’t help but to smile fondly at the small man he’s sure he’s going to spend the rest of his life with.

Then after Baekhyun deems Chanyeol’s suit is stashed neatly enough and hung in their wardrobe with Chanyeol trailing after him just like a faithful puppy, but still asking for kisses that he gives the tall man anyway, he walks to their kitchen to look for some food in the fridge. With him being the sensible one, he decides before everything goes further, they need to eat dinner first. “Yeol, you have to eat something—I think I heard your stomach rumbling just ten minutes later back in the car, let’s fix something for dinner—”

Cheekily, Chanyeol smirks as he winds his arms around Baekhyun’s waist and rests his hand, pulling the small man closer while at the same time pushing him back against the kitchen counter’s marble top. Then as he stares intently into Baekhyun’s eyes, with his low voice he says, “I can just eat _you_ —”

“Yeol!” Baekhyun laughs again, feigning a fierce look on his face while gently pushing Chanyeol’s cheek to direct the tall man’s puckered lips that’s trying to kiss him again away. He can only smile fondly at the man that he knows will fill every day of his life with smiles and laughter.

“I meant we can just eat _your_ noodles that you bought from the supermarket yesterday!” Chanyeol quickly clarifies, trying to speed things up by persuading Baekhyun to just eat some instant ramen while laughing at the fierce puppy look on Baekhyun’s face. “I haven’t finished my sentence yet, Hyunnie.”

Baekhyun lets out another hearty laugh at Chanyeol’s swift reply. Even though what Chanyeol just said really does make sense, he still feels a little bit suspicious at how just a minute ago he had the tall man’s hands already groping its way to hold his ass. Even so at the end, as he nods, he replies, “Alrig—” 

But Chanyeol doesn’t wait for Baekhyun to finish his reply. Laughing away, as soon as he sees Baekhyun nodding to the idea, he cooks two cups of it in the speed of light as if his life depended on it.

To the sight of his skillful chef working so quick on fixing them dinner, Baekhyun can only laugh and continues to watch fondly at Chanyeol, who not a moment later dishes out two cups of delicious hot noodle for them to eat.

By the time the last slurp of noodles is heard, Chanyeol immediately cleans up—knowing Baekhyun won’t do anything else until everything is back to its clean state—putting the empty ramen cups into the trash can. What the busy man doesn’t realize as he focuses on wiping the table is Baekhyun stealthily skulking behind him. One _Ahem_ and a feathery finger trace on his shoulders from Baekhyun make him turns his body, finding said person already let go of his blazer and is only three inches apart.

Knowing exactly what Chanyeol wants, Baekhyun decides to fulfill his promise. He then closes the distance between them, circling his hands around Chanyeol’s neck, and nuzzling his nose on Chanyeol’s neck. 

Feeling his heart thudding faster against his ribcage, anticipating what will come next, Chanyeol automatically circles his hands on Baekhyun’s back, gripping him tight. “Hyunnie…”

“Yeol, hey.” Baekhyun whispers. Then he let out several hot breaths near Chanyeol’s jugular vein, knowing the spot acts like a switch to turn Chanyeol on.

“H-Hyunnie… What are you doing… it tickles.” Chanyeol stutters, cheeks reddening, with the close proximity between their bodies still giving him the same effect even after ten years together. He actually feels more than innocent tickles, he feels their body temperatures getting higher, sending shivers full of anticipation. He unconsciously lowers his hands slowly from Baekhyun’s prominent scapula that looks like a pair of wings had grown there, to the south nearing Baekhyun’s soft ass globes. Then he slips his hands inside Baekhyun’s jeans.

Abruptly Baekhyun stops his teases on Chanyeol’s neck as he feels electric jolts on the places where Chanyeol’s hands are touching him, his body goes docile against Chanyeol's figure, he can feel his mouth waters for _more._

“Y—Yeol…” Baekhyun moans, half stuttering against Chanyeol’s earlobe. He isn’t one for being loud and audible but Chanyeol’s expert hands are handling him so well, since the tall man knows every sensitive spot he has.

Chanyeol doesn’t want to do anything else but complies to Baekhyun’s wants, so he grabs more of Baekhyun’s ass globes, while still making sure he can support Baekhyun’s weight. He particularly loves the way Baekhyun’s ass feels so full in his hands; its roundness fits perfectly on his large hands, its smoothness is so good against his rough fingers.

Baekhyun decides it’s time for him to spice things up, so he braces himself with his right hand grasping the back of Chanyeol’s hair, and left hand taking hold Chanyeol’s shoulders. Slowly, Baekhyun jumps and circles his legs on either sides of Chanyeol’s waist at the same time as Chanyeol grabs him up. The friction it caused to both of their groins make them gasp and their mouths to elicit impatient moans.

“Let’s take this to the bedroom, shall we? Let me make love to you so good.” Chanyeol says seductively, eyes fixed on Baekhyun’s eyes. There’s no denying in how much he wants this, but to ensure Baekhyun’s comfort, as always he holds back to ask for a go.

“We shall.” Baekhyun chuckles at Chanyeol’s unspoken request but still grateful for the attention nonetheless with his head nodding enthusiastically. Chanyeol’s eyes are indeed look like lust almost overthrown any other sane thoughts, but he sees a much gentler glint under it that seeks for permission. That’s just Chanyeol, all he wants to do is to please him but also still respecting their borders and limitations—a true gentleman.

Grinning from ear to ear, Chanyeol expertly finds his way to their bedroom, hands strong enough to carry Baekhyun across their apartment and squeeze Baekhyun’s ass, as he gently nips on both of Baekhyun’s clavicles along the way. “Baby…”

“Yeol…” Baekhyun starts to moan again, feeling Chanyeol’s mouth mapping its way on his collarbones up until the skin of his neck. He genuinely loves being spoiled by Chanyeol, so to appreciate Chanyeol’s administrations on him, discreetly he touches Chanyeol’s bulge through his trousers, palming him.

Chanyeol responds by juggling Baekhyun’s body up easily to adjust his position on his arms, again giving them some frictions on their touching crotches. They grunt at the same time, eyes now fixed on each other’s.

Baekhyun can feel his sanity slowly draining out, completely losing his mind over Chanyeol’s simplest touches, and that just shows how tight he is—figuratively and literally—wrapped around the tall man’s fingers.

Entering their bedroom, Chanyeol slyly tickles Baekhyun’s sides, filling the space with their loud laughter. Of course Baekhyun retaliates by pulling softly Chanyeol’s ears to stop the sudden tickling attacks, almost getting them falling onto the floor—but still laughing all the same.

Chanyeol drops Baekhyun softly on top of the abundance of pillows on their bed. When Chanyeol is moving away to go get their lube and a pack of condom, he quickly clings to the tall man just like a baby monkey that forces Chanyeol to plop down on the bed with him. As Chanyeol tries to get the condom pack, he stops him. “I want to feel you.”

“Anything you want, baby.” Chanyeol chuckles as he gives Baekhyun a quick sloppy kiss, abandoning his attempt to get out of the bed, getting more turned on than ever at the small man’s words.

Laughing cheekily, Baekhyun then tugs on Chanyeol’s shirt and trousers while seductively saying, “These. Off. Now.”

“Right away, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol laughs and nods as he intended to do that even before Baekhyun asked him. He then starts undressing the both of them, unbuttoning Baekhyun’s jeans first, with deft hands familiar with Baekhyun’s tight jeans. “Help me see you better, will you?”

“Right away, Yeol.” Baekhyun chuckles and helps Chanyeol by shimmying his hips and pulling Chanyeol’s shirt off, hands roaming on the expanse of Chanyeol’s broad chest greedily.

Their giggles and laughter fill the room as they try to complete undressing each other. At one time Chanyeol tries to lift Baekhyun’s t-shirt off quickly in a swish, but due to his over eagerness Baekhyun’s ears got stuck on the collar and it took a while to release it; and Baekhyun’s desperate attempt to pull Chanyeol’s trousers almost got them rolling off their bed.

While controlling their breaths after laughing so much, they finally find themselves lying naked on the bed, with Baekhyun laid halfway on top of Chanyeol’s torso. Then he ruffles Chanyeol’s hair lovingly, as if petting the head of a sleepy puppy.

“Hyunnie. Why are you always caressing my hair every time we have a chance for sex?” Chanyeol asks, amused by Baekhyun’s act, while his hands travel on Baekhyun's back, touching Baekhyun in places he knows the small man likes.

“You are my puppy,” Baekhyun replies simply, as if the teasing from Chanyeol’s hands doesn’t bother him at all. “And your hair color is actually my favorite, a shade of cool blue with a green bias beautifully mixed in. But in the dim light of our room… It gets a shade darker. In the color palette it will be #000F89 or its official name, phthalate blue.”

“Hyunnie, are you seriously using your design references on me right now.” Chanyeol deadpans as his hands stop moving on Baekhyun’s skin.

Baekhyun is about to retaliate with something witty along the cheesy lines of _yeah my job is my life, I do my job well and you are also my life, so I will do you well_ but he loses his ability to speak coherently when Chanyeol squeezes his ass again, repeatedly with more pressure this time, his right hand’s middle finger travelling farther to tease Baekhyun’s rim while his left hand steadies itself on Baekhyun’s back to hold him properly.

“Yea—God, Yeol, please…” Baekhyun moans, the words he was going to say vanishing completely from his mind as his hands suddenly move to grip Chanyeol’s shoulders to anchor himself, with the grip growing tighter the faster Chanyeol’s finger traces his rim.

Chanyeol can feel Baekhyun squirming, he knows how sensitive Baekhyun is just from the slightest touches, so he does some more fingers circling actions on Baekhyun’s rim just to see Baekhyun beg because Baekhyun’s moans are his favorite sound to date. Seeing Baekhyun already panting hard and beads of sweat start to form on his forehead even just from that simple gesture, his long hand reaches for the bedside table’s drawer, quickly opening it and retrieving a bottle of lube.

“Now let’s play with my baby.” Chanyeol coos, as he flips their position with ease, with now Baekhyun lying down beneath him.

Baekhyun blushes at the nickname he had grown to love, and his cheeks grow redder when Chanyeol’s left hand reaches up to cup his cheeks and kisses him slow and tender while Chanyeol's right hand spreads his legs open.

Chanyeol, while still keeping his face close to Baekhyun’s, starts working his hands; applying a generous amount of lube before touching Baekhyun’s pink rim. He then slowly rubs the outer muscle ring of Baekhyun’s entrance, sensing it slightly open and close as he stimulates them with his index finger, satisfied by the long moans he gets from the small man.

After Chanyeol thinks Baekhyun is relaxed enough, he squeezes Baekhyun’s thighs with his other hand, humming softly and then slowly inserts his index finger into Baekhyun’s entrance.

“Yeol—” Baekhyun gasps from the feeling of Chanyeol’s finger protruding in, relaxing his rim around the digit, the momentary pain receding quickly and replaced by a feeling of wanting more. “O-oh God—Yeol, I—” 

Chanyeol then starts pushing in and out for a few times, inspecting Baekhyun’s face for a sign of hurt. But upon hearing Baekhyun's contented sighs, he then starts twisting it into a hook, grazing Baekhyun's inside walls in time as he pulls his finger out. “A-ah, Yeol…”

“Two,” Baekhyun breathes out, his chest heaving up and down as he can only give out a smile and stare back at Chanyeol’s amused look on him. “Please…” 

Chanyeol slowly retracts his index finger, sensing Baekhyun’s rim clenches and unclenches around it, before pushing back in, this time he adds his middle finger. This time he reaches deeper, touching the bundle of nerves that earns him Baekhyun’s louder moans. The choked breaths Baekhyun let out sounds so good in his ears, so he proceeds to spread his fingers, scissoring and widening the gap between his two fingers. 

“Three—a-ah!” Baekhyun almost shouts from the way he can sense Chanyeol’s middle finger now prodding into him judging by the long finger is able to touch that particular spot that gets him squirming and panting hard.

“So fast now, are we?” Chanyeol chuckles as he sees Baekhyun wriggling his body and hands grasping his wrist, sensitive with just his two fingers.

“Please…” Baekhyun breathes out again, eyes turning half lidded and flickering slow. He really just can’t wait, even though he knows Chanyeol is, to put it in one word, _huge_. “Three, Yeol—ah—please—”

“Right away, baby.” Chanyeol chuckles again and obliges. After he pulled his middle and index fingers, he inserts them back with his ring fingers, now rotating all three fingers as he thrusts them a pace faster, giving him hitched moans from Baekhyun.

After Chanyeol deems Baekhyun is properly prepped, he shifts his full attention to the two globes of Baekhyun’s ass. He admires the supple, tender skin of Baekhyun’s ass, the way the size of his hands fit exactly to knead them, and the fact that Baekhyun wiggles like an innocent puppy yet still sensually beautiful with just a full squeeze from his hands is just marvelous. So he keeps on doing that, squeezing and pulling apart Baekhyun’s ass and listening to the harmony that is Baekhyun’s whimpers.

Chanyeol kisses Baekhyun through the process, swallowing Baekhyun’s moans. Then he detaches his mouth to nip on Baekhyun’s red lips to make it grow redder and swollen, continuing to his lower jaw, to his neck where he sucks with enough pressure to leave marks there. His mouth slowly travels farther down, stopping at Baekhyun’s chest and play with his nipples. He bites the round bud, and licking the surrounding skin to help ease the pleasurable pain. Then his mouth travels further down, smooching his favorite Baekhyun tummy, eliciting a giggle from the owner.

“It tickles, Yeol.” Baekhyun pipes up, still giggling as he gently brushes Chanyeol’s blue hair and caresses Chanyeol’s cheek with his hand, earning him the tall man’s grin.

“My favorite chubby tummy.” Chanyeol coos as he continues blowing raspberries on Baekhyun’s belly, making Baekhyun laugh. Then he slowly props up Baekhyun’s legs, softly caressing his thighs up and down, massaging them; while step by step moving Baekhyun’s legs to bend it into half, neatly placing it on top of his shoulders, his head moving more southern aligning with Baekhyun’s crotch, hot minty breaths fanning over Baekhyun’s shaft.

Under Chanyeol’s care Baekhyun can only let out satisfied moans, hands balled up first fisting the bed sheets before he lets go and instead has his fingers carding through Chanyeol’s beautifully sweat soaked blue hair, softly tugging that turns into hard tugs every time Chanyeol sucks on his sensitive spots, legs gripping head harder and closer, as once in a while he unconsciously thrusts into Chanyeol’s face.

“My baby is hard just from this?” Chanyeol teases, upon seeing precum drops slowly dripping from Baekhyun’s shaft, already hard and red, demanding to be noticed. Purposefully he avoids the one part Baekhyun seems to be feeling most sensitive and instead he leaves a trail of marks, sucking lightly along the expanse of Baekhyun’s inner thighs, enjoying the hitched moans he gained from the man beneath him. “Cute.”

Baekhyun takes a peek at Chanyeol’s groin, seeing his length is already hard and leaking too.

“I’m sorry, but who also just got hard from my moa-a-ah!” Baekhyun tries to answer, but Chanyeol stops him by grabbing hold of his shaft midway through his talk.

“What’s that again, baby?” Chanyeol slicks his right hand with the dripping precum on Baekhyun’s shaft, then he moves his grip up and down on Baekhyun’s shaft, jerking it with precise movements; slow at first before building more speed as he observes Baekhyun’s reactions.

“N-Nothing—” Baekhyun can only moan more, hands moving to grip Chanyeol’s wrist, guiding the tall man’s hand. “A-a-ah, Yeol… Please…”

“Your wish is my command.” Chanyeol then without warning exchanges his hand with his mouth, closing Baekhyun’s shaft into the cavern of his mouth. He licks the head of Baekhyun’s shaft, without forgetting to slip his tongue on the foreskin and the slit repeatedly, earning approving tugs on his hair and more gusty sighs and low moans from Baekhyun.

Chanyeol loves the way Baekhyun’s shaft fills his mouth; he sucks slowly at first, before gradually goes harder, hollowing his cheeks. He pulls out and starts licking, bobbing his mouth up and down vigorously, taking Baekhyun in deeper until the tip of Baekhyun’s shaft grazes over the farthest back of his throat and his nose touches Baekhyun’s soft hairs before again sucking in deep. Still keeping his lips tight around Baekhyun’s shaft, he pulls out slowly before bobbing his mouth again, with each second that passes he goes faster.

From the rollercoaster of senses and the way he can feel the waves of Chanyeol’s low hum reverberating through his body, Baekhyun can only mewl and moan loudly. Any kind of words he wants to say vanishes each time Chanyeol changes the angle and the pace of his mouth on his shaft.

“Y-Yeol—oh god—s-s-stop—or I’m gonna come—a-ah…” Baekhyun manages to stutter between Chanyeol’s mouth movements that seem not going to end, exerting all of his willpower not to come.

Chanyeol swallows all Baekhyun’s precum, gulping it and adoring the slight bitter but still sweet taste he knows so well. He then lets go of his mouth from Baekhyun’s shaft with a powerful suck, and replies with deep hoarse voice, “What if I want you to?”

The chill that goes spreading all over Baekhyun’s nerves from Chanyeol’s voice can only rile him up. And what Baekhyun says next only makes Chanyeol want to satisfy Baekhyun more, “Th-then I want to come,” he stops for a second between his panted breaths, propping his arms to lift his body, “Together with you—with you inside me.”

“But tonight is about you.” Chanyeol reasons, his mouth still working on kissing Baekhyun’s tummy, spending extra time to lick on the prominent veins leading to Baekhyun’s shaft, all while still maintaining his gaze on Baekhyun’s.

Baekhyun takes a hold on Chanyeol’s cheeks, dragging him up and placing his face right in front of his. “No, it’s about us.”

Chanyeol can see the gentle, loving look filtering from Baekhyun’s eyes. He goes in first, kissing Baekhyun fully in the mouth, sucking first his bottom lip before going in for his tongue. They continue kissing each other leisurely, taking their time to just appreciate the closeness and the love

“Yeol, make love to me.” Baekhyun purrs after they kissed enough to spare a lifetime. He even dares to laugh, as if challenging Chanyeol.

And to Chanyeol, everything Baekhyun wishes is his command, and he’ll take the dare anytime anywhere Baekhyun wants.

Chanyeol then picks up the lube bottle, putting some on his length while occasionally pumping it. He doesn’t miss the way Baekhyun’s eyes are transfixed on it, the small man’s tongue unconsciously licks his own lips, his Adam’s apple moving as he gulps at the sight. So then he moves to hover over Baekhyun, confining the latter with his legs, before rubbing his length over the interstice of Baekhyun’s ass. “Aye, aye, Captain—”

“—against the wall, please.” Baekhyun says quietly under his moans, looking up shyly at Chanyeol through his eyelashes. It took him a moment to say his request because of the distraction in the form of Chanyeol rubbing the head of his length over his rim and ass cheeks, before he slots both of their lengths and pumps it together.

Chanyeol stops his hands immediately. He doesn’t know the science of human body but he swear right there right now he feels shiver running down from his beating heart to his groin, his already hard length twitches. Only Baekhyun’s impact.

“Okay. Be ready.” Chanyeol growls, the tender light on his eyes changes into glints of lust and need, hands slowly sneaking up stealthily on Baekhyun’s back and ass. He has found a hidden energy he didn’t know existed after Baekhyun nicely asked him of something that has been a number one fantasy for him.

Actually, Baekhyun is looking forward to this, he has been thinking about it for a while. His spontaneity only comes once in a while—like one time when Chanyeol was slicing a red dragon fruit into dices for their afternoon snack, and when Chanyeol ate some pieces the red juice flowed along his plump lips, Baekhyun couldn’t help but just jump across the kitchen counter and lick the red trail and kiss him on the spot; leading to them bathing the kitchen with their moans.

Baekhyun is about to ask what is Chanyeol going to do when suddenly he’s lifted off the bed in a swish, Chanyeol’s grunts audible. He laughs away and enjoys the swinging feeling of being swept away by Chanyeol, admiring the view of Chanyeol’s biceps contracts deliciously as he holds him in a tight embrace. He then automatically finds his hold on Chanyeol’s shoulders, gripping tight in anticipation, legs again circling around Chanyeol’s waist.

For a moment, Chanyeol racks his mind to find a wall-like empty surface, and after one glance to their bedroom door, he almost jogs to reach it with Baekhyun on his arms, never forgetting to keep his lips busy on Baekhyun’s. Once he’s already in front of said door, he gently pushes Baekhyun’s back close to their bedroom door, kissing and biting more of Baekhyun’s lips as he does so.

Knowing what to do, Baekhyun circles his arms around Chanyeol’s neck as he returns the kisses with equal fervor and enthusiasm, loving the way their lips clash in such amorous but still gentle movements. The supposed pain on his back against the wooden door is covered by his own wanton feeling, with any rational thought subdues into desire over the tall man holding him.

Chanyeol knows from his reading time that the most sensitive bundle nerves are located on the ass’ rim, so before pushing inside he decides to play a little with Baekhyun again—he knows he can drive Baekhyun crazy just by doing it. Then he teases Baekhyun’s rim by grazing the tip of his length in a repeated and agonizingly slow circular motion, purposefully pushing his length in agonizingly slow manner just to pull out after only its head entered Baekhyun’s hole.

“Y-Yeol,” Baekhyun pants, unable to string a sentence under Chanyeol’s ongoing teasing, hands now gripping Chanyeol’s hair. “Please…”

Chanyeol smirks, he gets the rabbit in the hat. He repeats the movement again, stimulating Baekhyun’s rim by tracing it with his tip and only dipping it slightly inside Baekhyun’s hole. “What, baby?”

“P-Please… Yeol—A-ah…” Baekhyun can only plead again and again, as he has his hands pulling the strands of Chanyeol’s hair that he can reach while the tall man spends his time nibbling and kissing his exposed neck.

“I can’t hear you…” Chanyeol only lets out a breathy chuckle and continues to tease him, it's not easy to control himself to not just push in right away, but he wants to see Baekhyun to beg under his mercy.

Baekhyun can no longer wait, so with a surprising strength from lust, he lets go of his right hand grip on Chanyeol’s hair and moves his hand to the space between their crotches to grab on Chanyeol’s length that instantly stops the tall man’s chuckles, before he pushes the bulbous head in.

“Oh god—Yeol—” Baekhyun can feel the slightly painful burn on his ass after Chanyeol’s length finally penetrated the tight constriction of his rim, and both groans in satisfaction and delight of finally becoming into one. With their current position, the gravity adds more pressure that makes it easier for Chanyeol’s length to slide in deeper.

Chanyeol willingly helps by slowly thrusting his length deeper until his scrotum touches Baekhyun's rear, bottoming out. “Hyunnie…”

The pain is quick to be replaced by a magnitude of the pleasure sensations created by the friction between the veins of Chanyeol’s length against Baekhyun’s walls, and his hands find purchase again on Chanyeol’s hair, his arms tightening their embrace as he licks Chanyeol’s adorable earlobes and kisses his lips. “Yeol—ah—”

Chanyeol lets Baekhyun adjust for a while, inspecting the heaving man carefully for a sign to continue while gently caressing his thick thighs. “Baby…”

One nod from Baekhyun is all Chanyeol need to start his thrusts. As always he goes slow at first, taking his sweet time to relish the way Baekhyun is clenching around him, as his length slowly disappears inside Baekhyun before he pulls out again in the same slow manner, drawing drawled moans from the both of them. “I wanna hear you, baby…”

The slow pace stimulates Baekhyun more than anything, and he can feel his grip on Chanyeol’s shoulder to slip, his nails start to carve red paths on Chanyeol’s back. “Y-Yeo—Yeol…”

The broken whimpers Baekhyun make next to Chanyeol’s ears is a sign for him to start thrusting in a faster pace. His thrusts are well calculated, aiming for Baekhyun’s prostate and only to make Baekhyun feel good. “What is it, baby?”

“Yeol—Yeol—God, yes…” Baekhyun whispers. The lewd sound of flesh slapping against flesh can only turn him on more. Without him realizing, his tug on Chanyeol’s hair gets harder especially during Chanyeol’s sharp and well-angled thrusts, as he has his other hand’s nails grazing Chanyeol’s back harshly.

The salacious and vulgar sloshing sounds of his length going in and out of Baekhyun’s entrance, and the creaks of the bedroom door every time he thrusts accompany their moans—those are all the sounds Chanyeol revels in, turning it into more strength to carry Baekhyun in his arms. “Is it good? Do you feel good, baby?”

“It’s so good—God, Yeol it’s even more than that—a-ah…” Baekhyun groans, his voice low and rough. Then in the whirl of their fast movements and breathy moans, he starts doing his favorite thing to do—kissing Chanyeol’s neck, sucking hard on the erogenous vital points before lapping it gently with his tongue to soothe the reddened skin, chuckling when he hears the tall man moaning along with him.

“God, Hyunnie, you too are so good…” Chanyeol whimpers next to Baekhyun’s ear, almost losing his mind at the way Baekhyun’s lips and tongue mapping their way to kiss and suck marks on his Adam’s apple, before moving up along his jugular vein and traveling far to nip on his earlobe.

As he continues licking and sucking Chanyeol’s neck, enjoying the supple and tender skin against his lips, Baekhyun thanks the heavens for his idea of having a full body mirror located right across the bedroom door. Now it reflects Chanyeol’s ass and gloriously toned back, where he can see the painting of red trails his nails left. Most importantly he also sees his own flushed, debauched face, his eyes teary, a thin trail of saliva dribbling down his chin and himself bouncing violently from Chanyeol’s sharp and hard thrusts.

The _ah, ah, ah_ s that flow out of Baekhyun’s mouth sounds like the best reward Chanyeol ever get, and he replies with a few grunts, smirking at Baekhyun’s blissful face and the occasional backward rolls of Baekhyun’s eyes that replace the dark mahogany orbs with white.

With the feel of their bedroom’s door on his back, Baekhyun can’t help but moan loudly as he starts to bounce on Chanyeol’s length and wiggles his ass more so that Chanyeol’s length can slide faster inside with a better angle.

Willingly Chanyeol helps by groping both of Baekhyun’s ass globes alternatively to spreading him open, while his other hand keeps a secure grip on Baekhyun’s side with the arm wreathed around the small man’s waist. “Move for me, baby.”

“Anything—just anything—you want…” Baekhyun pants as he snakes his legs tighter around Chanyeol’s midriff to hold him closer, his heels digging into Chanyeol’s ass, urging him to go faster. He loves how in turn Chanyeol’s fingers are digging deep into his ass cheeks, the nails probably leaving proud marks on them. Out of instinct, he rolls his hip, adding a new taste as he continues bouncing on Chanyeol’s length.

“That’s right, baby…” Chanyeol moans, voice low and reverberating through their bodies. The angle change gives more room for his length to thrust deeper gives a new effect that makes him can’t help himself but to yank Baekhyun’s hair, which Baekhyun willingly complies, exposing more of his neck for the tall man to bite.

Mouth still busy on Baekhyun’s neck, Chanyeol takes hold of Baekhyun’s curved, leaking shaft between their bodies, pumping it in time with his thrusts. He thanks himself and his will to go to the gym regularly because if not he wouldn’t have the strength to both supporting Baekhyun against the door and pumping Baekhyun’s shaft at the same time, even though his thrusts are slowed down because of it—but it’s all worth it when he feels Baekhyun’s grip on his shoulder turns into his nails clawing on him.

Sensing Chanyeol’s less coordinated thrust, Baekhyun knows that he must’ve been tired from supporting the both of them, so he whispers to Chanyeol between his moans, “Bed—a-ah—Y-Yeol…”

Grateful for Baekhyun’s request, with only pulling his length out slightly, Chanyeol carries Baekhyun in a bear hug back to their bed. Playfully, he spanks Baekhyun’s ass for a few times just to see the reflection of it growing red on the full-body mirror and to hear Baekhyun half moaning half laughing after each slap. He then softly lays Baekhyun down and crawls his way on top of the chuckling small man.

As Chanyeol gathers fluffy pillows under Baekhyun’s body, even though he’s curious as to what’s funny with him practically still seated inside Baekhyun, he chuckles along with the man beneath him. “Okay, what?”

“You look so hot. All those gym hours really paid off…” Baekhyun says dreamily, hands unconsciously reaching for Chanyeol’s torso; the abs, the chest and the pert nipples.

Chanyeol knows how much Baekhyun thinks about his own physical built, and his silly envy towards Chanyeol’s well-defined muscles. Truthfully, to him, be it a chubby tummy or toned abdominal muscles, he loves Baekhyun’s body the way it is. Baekhyun’s body is music itself; it’s like a limited edition of handcrafted Fender electric guitar with its delectable curves, it’s like a Steinway and Sons grand piano that needs the most tender and careful touches to create dulcet moans, and of course, it’s like a set of tough Zildjian drums made specially for him to _bang_.

“Let’s get it on then, baby.” Chanyeol grunts, pushing in deeper, earning a low moan from Baekhyun at the sudden but pleasurable intrusion. He leans down to nibble Baekhyun’s earlobes, then his mouth moves to leave trail of kisses, first from the lids of Baekhyun’s eyes, to the bridge and the bop of his nose and ending it on Baekhyun’s luscious lips.

Baekhyun can only surrender to the strong yearning feeling clouding his mind, letting Chanyeol to take control and have his way with him. He loves the way Chanyeol’s strong arms handle him so delicately as if he’s a porcelain doll, but still make love to him fast and hard in the way he loves. His arms find their way on Chanyeol’s back, desperately clinging to Chanyeol’s torso, his legs circling around Chanyeol’s waist, the heels of his feet digging into Chanyeol’s ass to keep on going.

Instinctively Baekhyun moves his right leg to rest on Chanyeol’s shoulder, giving Chanyeol more access to thrust deeper, as he chants Chanyeol’s name over and over again. “Yeol… Y-Yeol, please…”

Chanyeol helps by hooking his arm on the underside of Baekhyun’s knee and his left hand goes to hold Baekhyun’s waist and his right arm is bent right next to Baekhyun’s face just so his hand can play with Baekhyun’s lips and kissing it in turns. “I love you…”

With the new position, Baekhyun’s hand move to hold Chanyeol’s wrist and the other hand moves to Chanyeol’s chest, gripping hard on Chanyeol’s sides and feeling the precum from his own shaft. “Yeol—a-ah—I love you…”

Leaning up, Chanyeol kisses and licks the stretch of Baekhyun’s innocent white thighs, caressing it over and over again, as he continuously rolls his hip against Baekhyun’s. Again he moans, “I love you…”

Chanyeol abruptly slows down. He then straightens himself up, pulls out his length to touch himself for a bit, purposely smearing his come on Baekhyun’s rim and ass cheeks, before pushing in the same slow motion, going further to hit the spot in Baekhyun’s prostate he knows so well. His thrusts’ pace changes into fast but sporadic ones where he will add more force to every thrust, his groans harmonizing with Baekhyun’s moans.

“Ye—Yeol—I… love you—so much—” Baekhyun stutters. Each of Chanyeol’s thrust earns a long, drawled moan from him, as Chanyeol builds up the momentum by pulling out slowly in the most pleasurable way before continuing to speed up. He can feel their movements against each other mirror the way waves crashing against the cliff at the sea.

Chanyeol loves the way Baekhyun’s continuous moans change its tone and loudness according to his thrust, as he orchestrated the most stunning piece in form of Baekhyun’s body exclusively for him to hear and to luxuriate in. He also loves the way Baekhyun’s hands and fingers go from tightly holding his hands to caressing his biceps, to squeezing his thighs, with sweet moans calling his name and repeated _more_. And he gives it to him just like that.

“I love you too, baby,” Chanyeol breathes out again, his hands moving to Baekhyun’s to intertwine their hands together. Then he crouches down, smooching Baekhyun’s cheeks before closing the distance of their lips, kissing each of Baekhyun’s lips tenderly. “You’re the only one that can save my life.”

“I don’t think you even realize you’re saving mine,” Baekhyun pants, as he holds Chanyeol’s hands tight. He always admire the way Chanyeol can say beautiful words for him while doing the most beautiful things for him… So with every kiss Chanyeol gives him, he chants the only thing he wants to say. “I love you, I love you, I love you…”

Chanyeol then steals Baekhyun’s honeyed moans, kissing his mouth hungrily, creating savory smacking sounds. And in turn, every time he moves forward alongside his thrusts into Baekhyun, the small man will steal back a kiss, kissing every part of Chanyeol’s face he can reach.

“I don’t care if it’s so obvious but I really just can’t take my eyes off from you,” Chanyeol loves the way his length disappears inch by inch into Baekhyun, the jiggles of Baekhyun’s ass globes and the twitches and the drops of precum coming out of Baekhyun's shaft are the impact of _his_ thrusts. Seeing the way Baekhyun’s shaft spasms even without him touching it… Everything Baekhyun lets out is making him go crazy, addicted to hear it again, making him want to emphasize his ministrations to pleasure Baekhyun. “I just can’t get enough of you.”

At times Baekhyun’s body will lift up, with his back bending into a smooth curve and arching up beautifully like a ballerino in a perfect Arabesque poise from the sensation of getting filled up by Chanyeol, perfectly fitting him, like a perfect key to open the Pandora box. He loves the way Chanyeol’s length opens him up, the tall man’s more than average girth stretching him just right every time he thrusts into him. “C-Chan—”

“I—I’m all yours…” Baekhyun in time will try to look at the wide mirror of their wardrobe doors behind them to see Chanyeol’s back muscles contracting as he caresses Chanyeol’s ass to feel Chanyeol’s gluteal muscle flexing on every thrust. He looks at the space between their bodies to see the finely toned abdomen muscles contracting, his and Chanyeol’s precum smearing their stomachs.

“You’re mine,” Chanyeol revels in the touches Baekhyun gives him, the feathery touches that turns hard and grazing his skin giving him pleasures of pain, loosening his self-restraint. Baekhyun’s lean fingers massaging and squeezing on his thighs work as encouragement to just let it all out. “You’re only mine.”

“I only belong to you…” Baekhyun breathes out, his hands moving north to again explore Chanyeol’s vastly broad chest, sometimes pinching the tall man’s nipples. Then when a push of Chanyeol’s hip gets the tip hitting a particular spot in him, he groans as his hand reaches up to Chanyeol’s nape, pulling the tall man’s head close to give the red plump lips a sloppy kiss. “Yeol—”

And in turn guttural moans escape from Chanyeol’s mouth as he thrusts more, fastening his pace to appreciate the gesture. “My baby…”

The aloe vera scented lube Chanyeol applied helps slicking his length to make the thrust easier, making Baekhyun's whines to drawl and get louder, turning into broken whispers of Chanyeol's name as he feels close. The sounds Baekhyun let out works like a signal for Chanyeol to chase their orgasms, arousing the animalistic side of him.

Then Chanyeol’s fingers grab Baekhyun’s to move from his thighs to have them interlocked as he goes faster, dragging their arms up above Baekhyun’s head to rest on each of Baekhyun’s side, as always making a path of kisses from Baekhyun’s chest to his collarbones and ending the path on Baekhyun’s lips as he does so.

Chanyeol’s deep whimpers alternating between _baby_ and _Hyunnie_ , and he submerges into the harmony of Baekhyun’s broken moans as he works his way pounding into Baekhyun to indulge the both of them.

Chanyeol rolls Baekhyun’s hips up, almost folding him into two with Baekhyun’s ass propped slightly up and lifted from the bed, making Baekhyun’s legs to dangle from his shoulders. His hands shift to swarm on Baekhyun’s sides, sometimes gripping hard on the waist and leaving marks, and occasionally his hands go lower to grope Baekhyun’s ass, spreading it open to allow him to thrust deeper or encasing both cheeks together to envelope his length more.

“You’re so good I could forget my name…” Baekhyun breathes out, mind in delirium and not knowing what words are coming out from his mouth, panting hard from the thrusts and all the kisses Chanyeol painted all over his body.

“All for you, baby,” Chanyeol chuckles as he kisses Baekhyun’s nipples, sucking and biting it in turn. Even from seeing the way Baekhyun’s eyes rolled back, the whites dominating the orbs, and the way get him all hotly bothered and breathing hard. So he decides to play with Baekhyun. “Then whose name do you remember?”

“Y—yours!” Baekhyun shouts, after a particularly hard thrust with a different angle that reaches deeper inside him from Chanyeol. He doesn’t even realize what his mouth is spouting anymore when his mind is only chanting Chanyeol’s name. “Ah, please, Yeol—”

“Who?” Chanyeol whispers, drawling the syllable slowly in time as he pulls out until only his tip remains inside Baekhyun. Then abruptly he thrusts in, his crotch hitting Baekhyun’s bottom hard with a loud smack. “Say it—no, scream it for me, baby.”

“Park Chanyeol!—” The jolt he feels when Chanyeol’s tip reaches his deepest spot again automatically makes Baekhyun shouts the tall man’s name, half sobbing. “Yeol, a-a-ah!”

Now moving slowly in and out, rotating his length once in a while, Chanyeol breathes out, “Good baby.”

Then Chanyeol grips Baekhyun’s torso to bring him closer, loving the way he can see the contrast of his large hands circling Baekhyun’s midriff. He has a thing to repeatedly stroke the hourglass feature of Baekhyun’s body; the slope of his waist and the curve of the birth of his ass. When he hears Baekhyun’s whines again, he chuckles and finally continues his thrusts, this time with a building pace while putting harder pressure to reach that particular spot of Baekhyun’s prostate with the tip of his length, dragging Baekhyun further on their bed.

The bed’s sheet scraping fast under Baekhyun’s back giving him tingling sensation that diffuses through every channel in his body, dispersing into every inch of his skin.

As again Chanyeol slows down the movement of his hips, even daring to bury his length deep up to the hilt into Baekhyun, he decides to tease Baekhyun by moving his hands to squeeze and smack Baekhyun’s ass. “I own this.”

“Yeol, please,” Baekhyun manages to laugh, even though with a great effort since feeling Chanyeol’s fingers leaving hot trails on his ass, the thick girth of Chanyeol’s length stretching him and the tip prodding deep into his most sensitive spot only make him wanting to just moan the tall man’s name over and over again. Then with a smirk, he decides to tease him in a sultry tone. “You own me.”

Then as sudden as last time, with the sentence Baekhyun just said in his most seductive voice as the drive, Chanyeol heightened the pace of his thrusts again, turning Baekhyun’s laughter into sweet moans that he loves very much. “I own you.”

The way Chanyeol lowers his body again to kiss him while keeping his hands busy spreading and kneading his ass… it’s the right thing to egg Baekhyun on to raise his hips up, to rock and grind back to Chanyeol more. Unable to contain he chooses to close his eyes for a moment, shutting it tight as pleasure rushes through his every nerve. “Yeol—god—that feels so good…”

“You’re beautiful.” Chanyeol whispers. He loves it when he can see every single detail of Baekhyun's reaction to his interventions; their intimate touches toward each other, a silent way of worshipping each other. Kisses given sloppily but still tender and filled with love, soft caresses of hands with their fingers always intertwining. His favorite out of many is Baekhyun’s expression of pleasure, the way his eyes are closed tight when he thrust exceptionally harder, the way his mouth is always wide open calling his name, the way he throws back his head and exposing his neck for him to kiss and bite.

“Give me all of your attention, baby…” Chanyeol breathes out. And just like the way the clouds swims away to let the moon shine, suddenly Baekhyun opens his eyes, eyelids fluttering open beautifully to reveal the dark mahogany orbs and looks directly into his eyes where he sees the calm ocean behind Baekhyun’s eyes to rise and fall alongside his thrusts.

Through Baekhyun’s fluttering and half lidded eyes, he can see how patient the tall man is, always accommodating to cater his needs. And the way Chanyeol’s eyes never leave his, always checking and making sure everything is alright. In fact, he knows Chanyeol would stop right away if he ever sees any smallest sign of him being uncomfortable.

“You’re so beautiful like this,” Chanyeol whispers again. He loves the way Baekhyun’s fingers always find his, gripping them like it’s his only lifeline, giving encouraging caresses when he gives it to him slow and nice or particularly hard grips when he thrusts just right, like what Baekhyun does right now. He sees the blaring red blushes on Baekhyun’s cheeks, the glowing sheen of sweat all over Baekhyun’s body that also matted the small man’s dark chocolate hair, and his favorite: his painting of small but noticeable love bites on Baekhyun’s neck and the way Baekhyun’s plump lips are vibrant red from his kisses. “And it’s all for me. Only I get to see this wonder.”

Baekhyun takes a peek, looking up at Chanyeol; he can see the man throwing his head back, eyes closed tight, mouth opened where rasps and grunts are coming alive, the prominent veins of his arms while holding him tight, the pace of his thrusts grows faster and harder, his tongue jutted out between his teeth, his eyebrows knitted in concentration as if pleasuring the both of them is the only goal he wants to achieve. His striking blue hair drenched in sweat, tousled. The thin layer of perspiration that covered his body is slicking him shiny, a gloss to his natural tan, making him almost God-like.

“You—oh god, Yeol—” Baekhyun tries to praise back the view Chanyeol is showing him, but his mind is turned upside down, failing to complete a coherent sentence when said person is currently driving his length into him. Even so, with Chanyeol looking so magnificent in his naked glory, it’s not that hard for the words to naturally flow out of his mouth, though a bit slurred. “You—you are g-gorgeous—a-ah—”

Chanyeol then unexpectedly opens his eyes, catching the turned on stares Baekhyun is giving him. So he smirks, leaning down without his thrusts to stop or falter, and kisses Baekhyun’s lips deep. It’s no secret that he loves kissing Baekhyun. Whether it’s a butterfly kisses to show that he loves him, kisses with strong suck to mark, or kisses with his tongue licking every surface of Baekhyun’s body. In time as he captures Baekhyun’s lips again and again, he adds more pressure to his thrusts, gaining louder, broken throaty moans from Baekhyun.

The intense gaze Chanyeol gives him doesn’t make Baekhyun shy away, instead he looks back at him, seeing the fire ablaze behind those eyes above him.

The lascivious sounds created from Chanyeol’s thrusts ramming against Baekhyun’s rippling ass and the loud creaking of the bed from their weights serve like music in their ears, which conducts their passionate movements.

Their hips gyrating, undulating as they both feel they’re close, moans turning into grunts. As the night goes on, their panted breaths warm the night air and their joined moans create beautiful symphonies.

“Yeol—” Baekhyun starts canting up his hips carelessly, buckling it in the same pace as Chanyeol’s. The grip of his hands on both Chanyeol’s shoulder and Chanyeol’s ass only grows tighter, desperately clawing and clutching, prompted from feeling the consistent hard pressure Chanyeol gives him on the same spot inside him. “Yeol—I’m gonna—”

With groans that grow louder and a tone deeper, Chanyeol pistons his hips to move impossibly faster, trying to catch up with Baekhyun’s movements. “Wait a bit more, baby—”

“Please—God, Yeol—” Baekhyun whines, almost desperate as Chanyeol leans over to kiss his knuckles up above his head just because the tall man can, as he lets go his grip on Chanyeol’s ass to grip the sheets instead from the sheer force of Chanyeol’s thrusts. He can only thrash his head around, overwhelmed by sensations Chanyeol is pouring all over him.

This time, as they’re both nearing the edge, they can feel the taste of pure bliss and ecstasy coursing through their veins, letting it all out in forms of loud breathy moans and hard grips on each other’s bodies. Then Chanyeol clamps his teeth on the tender spot between Baekhyun's ear and jugular vein to bite and suck a mark, smug smirk appearing when he hears Baekhyun’s broken moans get louder with each bite. “You look good in red.”

Not wanting to be the only one covered in hickeys all over, as he pulls Chanyeol’s head closer with a tug on the tall man’s nape, in turn Baekhyun bites back Chanyeol’s earlobe and on the line of Chanyeol’s jaw. Then between his moans he whimpers back, “And so are you—”

Without waiting for Baekhyun to finish his sentence, Chanyeol chuckles low as he locks his lips with Baekhyun’s again, breathing in his moans, as if it’s the only thing that keep him alive, inhaling the broken sobs that starts to come out of Baekhyun’s mouth. 

Then Baekhyun feels it, the urgent, tingling sensation when he’s just _so_ close, as if he’s going to explode. The constant fast pace of Chanyeol’s thrusts; Chanyeol’s mouth on his most sensitive spot near his jugular vein on his neck that spends time on his jaw and lips too; Chanyeol’s hands; one hand intertwined with his and another one roaming his body that sometimes travels to jerk his shaft steadily… His moans have turned into desperate cries from all of that. The sensations are filling all of his senses, giving a spark to his release. “Ye-Yeol, I-I’m really close—I’m going to—”

“Come with me.” Chanyeol manages to say as the pace of his thrusts quickens, turns into irregular, frantic one, and the both of them spontaneously comes; The last powerful thrust that he manages to exert goads their orgasms and finally sends them over the edge, both his and Baekhyun’s jaws drop to the lowest, as streams of moans and sighs come pouring out.

“Yeol—oh my God—a-ah…” Baekhyun whines loud at how Chanyeol keeps his length deep in him while still charging forward, the force bringing his body further on their bed. Chanyeol’s reverberating deep voice works like magic spreading to the ends of his every nerve on him, and he can feel the his shaft spurting white onto their stomachs, as he could feel the involuntary backward roll of his eyes while his jaw goes slack and mouth open only to moan Chanyeol’s name loudly, enjoying the high tide of his orgasm.

“Oh God—Hyunnie, baby…” Chanyeol groans. He can feel the pleasure shooting through his length, riding his orgasm with quick thrusts as Baekhyun’s hole clenches around him so tight. Then he busies himself slowly kissing the still open-mouthed Baekhyun, taking time to nip on the small man’s jaw. Their fingers locked, gripping each other’s as support.

“Yeol—” Baekhyun can feel Chanyeol’s length pulsating inside him, pouring all of his come into him, now with much more languid, lazy thrusts. The powerful sensation of their spontaneous orgasm leaves the both of them shuddering and gasping for a while, trying to regain control of their breathing.

Chanyeol waits for a few minutes before pulling out, as Baekhyun groans at the loss of contact and the feeling of Chanyeol’s come trickling out of his hole. The friction of the tip of Chanyeol’s length over his sensitive walls is almost enough to turn him on again if it weren’t for his tired and sleepy self taking over. 

After they’re back from their high, they both lay sated, spent and satisfied, their chests heaving up and down, breathing heavily after the activity that drained them dry from energy.

As their breaths slowly getting even again, they’ve arrived on the verge of falling asleep except for the sticky come that’s starting to dry on their stomachs is preventing them from losing consciousness. Baekhyun is the first one to talk. “Yeol.”

Chanyeol turns his head to face Baekhyun, sticking their foreheads together, fingers dancing on Baekhyun’s skin, tracing the marks he made that some are starting to change color into a pretty shade of bluish red. “Hyunnie, baby.”

“That wasn’t exactly against the wall—” Baekhyun starts, earning him amused laughter from Chanyeol. Then with a light chuckle, he teases, “But I love it, you always make me feel so good. And oh, we should invest on bedroom doors. I heard cracking. You were powerful.”

Chanyeol’s laughter grows louder, shaking the bed and their bodies, prompting Baekhyun to laugh along with him. “I am happy if you’re happy. And yes, we should get a stronger door to do that again,” he replies, winking. “I knew my hours at the gym paid off really well, it’s for you. To carry you wherever you want to go.”

“My strong hero.” Baekhyun enthuses, with his eyes shining a loving look as he pinches Chanyeol’s cheeks. Chanyeol treats him so good in their every moment together and it only just makes him to want to be able to treat the tall man good too.

“All for my number one.” Chanyeol replies before kissing Baekhyun’s pair of lips for the hundredth time today. And even just from the way Baekhyun returns his kisses passionately by giving him playful bites on his lower lip and teasing pulls to his tongue… he can feel something slowly stirring again deep inside him.

“Hyunnie… Next time I want to feel you too.” Chanyeol blushes. He might like to play it with Baekhyun rough, but there are times when he wants to. The particular delicately gentle way Baekhyun do him… it’s another whole story about a combination of leisurely slow movements and heavenly sweet touches. Nothing and no one else can make him feeling as good as Baekhyun’s patience and self-control just to take care of him.

“Alright, Yeol. Don’t worry,” Baekhyun promises, chuckling at the vibrant red coloring Chanyeol’s cheeks. This is another precious Chanyeol thing that he keeps—the way the tall man is able to let go of his control and lets him do whatever he wants with him to make sure Chanyeol too can feel all the good things he gets from the tall man. “Next time.”

“Really? Yes!” Chanyeol hollers, lifting his balled up fists up, punching the air in excitement. “I can’t wait to feel you again.”

“All for my number one.” Baekhyun laughs, returning the reply he gets from Chanyeol earlier. He’s always amazed by the way Chanyeol can change from the hottest man alive that ever walked the earth to the most adorable baby who he wants to give lots of love. Then as he replays all the things Chanyeol did for him just now—making his cheeks red again—he smirks. “I’m going to get back at you for teasing me. Just a precaution.”

“Please do, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol replies right away, returning the smirk. Even though Baekhyun might think he wins by getting back at his teases, actually he enjoys getting Baekhyun’s so-called revenge and he’ll take everything Baekhyun has for him, anyway, so he wins at the end too. “I’ll be waiting for it.”

Initially, Chanyeol is about to go straight to sleep but a smack on his ass from a laughing Baekhyun with his fierce puppy face reminds him to go grab a damp towel to clean their mess, and he abides, not forgetting to have his share of squeezing Baekhyun’s ass while lapping the mess he left down there. The cleaning process is a bit of a hassle, but they’re happy and laughing nevertheless while doing their own tasks.

After Baekhyun changed the bed sheets in a rush and Chanyeol is back from washing their mess, they continue lying and cuddling on their bed, still naked under their blankets.

“Hyunnie, sing me to sleep.” Chanyeol pipes up after a moment, observing Baekhyun that’s back curled up in his arms, looking like a sleepy kitten.

“Just right in time. I have something for you.” Baekhyun announces, stirred awake as an idea arrives into his head after he heard Chanyeol’s request. It’s really just in time for his moment to treat Chanyeol well and show how much he wants to make the tall man happy.

Without warning, Chanyeol untangles himself from their cuddling position before he carries Baekhyun’s body to the upper side of the bed and lays him down gently.

“Yeol,” Baekhyun chuckles, grabbing Chanyeol’s arms, surprised with the sudden relocation. “What are you doing—”

After making sure the vast pillows he gathered is comfortable for Baekhyun, Chanyeol lowers his body just so he can snuggle into Baekhyun’s arms, his ears situated close to Baekhyun’s chest. “I just want to hear your heartbeats that helps me sleep every time.”

“Come here then, my giant baby.” Baekhyun says fondly, spreading his arms wide to give more space for Chanyeol to slip into his embrace. Now having Chanyeol secured on his arms, he starts to do his favorite nightly act to softly rub Chanyeol’s cheeks with his thumbs that’s always successful in making Chanyeol smile and then sleep. Then he hums a tune as a prelude.

Recognizing the tune, Chanyeol opens his eyes. “Wait, Hyunnie,” he stops Baekhyun by squeezing the latter’s hand on his face gently, “Is this the tune—”

“—Of your song you sang to propose me, yes. It’s now playing in my head all the time, I love it too much,” Baekhyun answers right away, now his fingers tracing the dip of Chanyeol’s dimples that formed alongside his grin. “Now I’m lending Mr. E.E. Cummings’ words and your song to sing for you.”

Baekhyun then starts to recite his favorite E.E. Cummings’ eccentric work published in 1952, a disguised sonnet in form of a poem titled _[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]_.

_i carry your heart with me(i carry it in_  
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere  
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done  
by only me is your doing,my darling) 

“Everything I do, I do it for you.” Baekhyun says, as he gently pats Chanyeol’s back, passing on the same thought and love into every pat just like the way mothers do for their children at night. He chooses this specific poem not only for the simple words that still manage to convey so many feelings, but at the way Mr. E.E. Cummings wrote the words all in lowercases as if the poem is really a secret scribbled in a folded paper meant to be slipped on someone’s locker; the artful syntax of the use of everyday words and unique grammar to form different poignant meaning pattern in each line; the brackets that somehow resemble someone’s heart, the close and no space use of punctuation that seems to say the words are feelings embraced in a hug. And through his voice and his touches for Chanyeol he tries to liven up those exact elements Mr. E.E. Cummings had carefully placed in the poem.

Listening to the words Baekhyun sings beautifully and to Baekhyun’s heartbeat makes Chanyeol more reminded than ever to something. “Hyunnie.”

Thumbs now moving to trace Chanyeol’s sharp angled jaw, Baekhyun smiles at his giant baby who’s snuggling closer into him. “Yeol.”

“Listening to your heartbeat, again I realize that your heart beats for my life,” Chanyeol confesses, as he closes his eyes to fully focus his sense on his ears, listening with rapt attention to the steady rhythm of Baekhyun’s heart—the only rhythm in the world he needs to keep on playing, for he only lives as it does so. “Don’t ever leave me.”

“Don’t worry, Yeol. I’m always right here,” Baekhyun says, hands leaving Chanyeol’s face for a moment to brush Chanyeol’s chest, indicating his heart. But then, the sentence Chanyeol said somehow reminds him of an excerpt of another favorite poem of his… He decides to check, discreetly reciting the first line of the poem. “What’s more important, my life or yours?”

“My life,” Chanyeol replies easily, eyes still closed. Then he opens his eyes, instantly meeting Baekhyun’s before he continues, “But don’t go away before I tell you that you, are my life.”

The answer Baekhyun gets from Chanyeol renders him speechless. It’s the same poem he has in mind. Chanyeol just tweaked a little bit of it and stirs his charm in it; he makes it sound more better in his voice, with his sleepy, low tone and dreamy eyes staring only at him.

“ _One day you will ask me which is more important, my life or yours? I will say mine, and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life_ ,” Chanyeol smoothly recites the poem he has memorized since a long time ago without pause. Then he chuckles, looking up to see Baekhyun’s astonished face. He’s not done in giving his hidden surprises for Baekhyun. “Khalil Gibran?”

Still speechless and can only look down in amusement with a little tint of surprise at the man who just recited the poem word by word and mentioned the correct poet of the poem, and is currently nestling in his arms and hugging his waist, Baekhyun chuckles, “How do you know?”

“I’m always full of surprises for you, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol simply says with a wink, grinning. Here’s another secret of his—he found the poem years ago, during the times before Baekhyun become his boyfriend and he used to spy Baekhyun reading at their university’s library, and when Baekhyun left the premise he’d take back the book to read the pages he remembered Baekhyun touched. “Now please continue singing. I want to hear more of your beautiful voice.”

After ten years of surprises Chanyeol gave for him, added with yesterday’s two very sweet Pablo Neruda poems and now Khalil Gibran’s… Baekhyun feels so lucky to have the tall man in his life. He can only chuckle and abide what the man he loves very much wants. As he brushes off a few blue strands of Chanyeol’s fringe to reveal a pair of dark cinnamon topaz orbs looking at him with so much sparkles of love reflected in it, he continues to sing in a softer tone.

_i fear_  
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want  
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)  
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant  
and whatever a sun will always sing is you 

From the Khalil Gibran poem Chanyeol mentioned and the last lines he just said for Chanyeol… Baekhyun has a little idea. For all the songs about them Chanyeol composed for him, he has their stories written for Chanyeol. So he decides to pause his singing of Mr. Cummings’ poem for another favorite thing he loves to do whenever he has a sleepy Chanyeol in his arms: reading Chanyeol stories, be it from one of their books or his own words that speak about them.

“Let me tell you a story of a little boy and just one another special tall boy,” Baekhyun smiles. For this one special story he has his help in the form of a 1956 song _Love Me Tender_ by the King of Rock and Roll himself, Elvis Presley—which is also one of his and Chanyeol’s favorite songs—and it’s going to be his little secret. “There was a little one who was walking alone, half of his mind on the road but the other half was walking just for the sake of moving on without much care to the direction. But then along the road came the tall one who offered himself to accompany the little one, with his bright eyes and wide grin that were all given to make the little one smile.”

Even when he’s already halfway into the sleep’s realm while being snuggly tucked in Baekhyun’s arms, Chanyeol knows Baekhyun is reading him the pages of their story. So he decides to just listen and admire the way he can see the glow of the moonlight passing through their bedroom windows reflected in Baekhyun’s gleaming eyes resembles the glimmer of night lanterns shimmering on the calm ocean, smiling as he focuses all of his attention only for the small man.

“They decided to walk together, and as they carried on forward side by side, the tall one offered his hand for the little one to take,” Baekhyun continues, this time slowly he lifts Chanyeol’s hand that was resting on his waist to place it on his chest. “And in that hand, the little one found just one small seed that came from a sunflower, which the tall one said was picked carefully from the garden inside his heart.”

Hearing the story said in the most gentle tone and accompanied by the softest touch on his fingers… Chanyeol knows. It’s amazing in his opinion how they can take turns in being that protective arms or in being the one that calms down the other.

“When the little one took the yellow petal onto his palm, it let out a shine as bright as the morning sun before it vanished and traveled all the way into the little one’s heart,” Baekhyun smiles as he sees the way Chanyeol chuckles softly, smiles and dimples showing. “As smiles emerged on their faces, the seeds were watered by the rain of their laughter and shined upon the rays of their smiles, which let the strong roots of trust to form, intertwining their fingers. And when they looked into their hands, they were finally holding each other’s hands—basking in the warmth of something alike to love.”

“From that day onward, the tall one never lets the little one go. They walk and walk, and as they do, the seed the tall one gave for the little one grows, with each yellow petal slowly coming alive and becoming a flower so beautiful: a love so tender, true and sweet; a home found in each other’s arms where the tall one lets the little one to rest on his heart when the road is too rough to walk on, while the little one lets the tall one to stay in his when the night falls, finally finding where they truly belong and where the road really leads them; and another helping hand to reach and fulfill their dreams, and a gentle hand to hold when he felt like he was alone.”

“The petals, one by one, rise to be a fully blossoming sunflower in the beds of their hearts that never wilt, just like the way the tall one completes the little one’s life,” Baekhyun continues as his hands unceasingly caresses every part of Chanyeol’s body he can reach. “So for all of those, the little one promises the taller one to be his and to love him for so long through all the years, even dares to say until the end of time, for how the taller one makes the little one know how to find a sunshine of a warm smile even in the coldest day.”

The commotion outside their apartment—the loud night traffic, the muffled conversations of people walking past their apartment door, and neighbors scuttling in their own rooms—is no longer audible and muted as Chanyeol can feel himself diving into the calm ocean where his ears can only hear Baekhyun’s voice, again entranced by the soft look on Baekhyun’s eyes.

“The little one also promises wherever their feet take them to, he will stay right by the tall one’s side for always and they will never part,” Baekhyun whispers as this time he holds Chanyeol’s face and kisses Chanyeol’s forehead gently, feeling the warmth of the skin and inhaling the mint scent lingering on the tall man’s hair. Then he continues to recite the last part of the story. “If there’s one thing the little one knows for sure, it’s about how happiness will follow the tall one wherever he goes."

“It’s true how happiness will follow the tall one wherever he goes,” Chanyeol agrees, finally speaking for the first time since Baekhyun started his enchanting story. But he has one twist to add to Baekhyun’s version of the story. So then he continues, “And it’s for him to make the small one happy with him wherever they walk to.”

“And at the end, they will always find happiness.” Chanyeol adds, not a second later, smiling at the sight of the look on Baekhyun’s face slowly morphing into a mixture of amazement and fondness one. With way Baekhyun’s smile turns into a much softer one after he said his reply… he’s going to make sure it’s what will be written for their ending—but then, without any reason whatsoever he knew that’s still what he’ll try to do, to make Baekhyun and him happy together.

For a moment, Baekhyun’s mind stops thinking except for one thought: in the way Chanyeol recited to him Khalil Gibran’s poem and in the sudden reply Chanyeol gives him, again he finds the concrete proof of how Chanyeol is that one twist in his story, the one that truly changes his life. And to him, the ending Chanyeol said is the best ending for any story, and it makes him more than happy to know it will be the one for their story. So after another few moments of them only exchanging smiles, he finally finds the right words to finish his story. “Just like everyone else, the tall one and the little one don’t know where they will end up, but they know if they stay close together… they will always be happy.”

“Beautiful.” Chanyeol suddenly says, as soon as Baekhyun finishes his sentence. His smile seems so stubborn to stay on his face from the way the small man can conclude his words and recite a story so beautifully, with heart and love for him only.

Receiving praise from someone whose opinions he holds high and dearly in his eyes, Baekhyun is happy. He just knows how his smile will stay permanently on his face after hearing the compliment Chanyeol gave him and how he notices the way Chanyeol was smiling throughout the time he was telling the story. “The story? Thank you—”

“Quite right,” Chanyeol cuts off, chuckling softly. Then he takes Baekhyun’s hand that was resting on cheeks to bring it close to his mouth before kissing the back of it with his lips. “But I was talking about you. _You_ are beautiful. And in the way you always effortlessly manage to put your honest thoughts and heartfelt feelings in everything you do, you make it all beautiful as well just like you.”

“Thank you so much, Yeol…” Baekhyun whispers after a while. It really doesn’t take much for him to be happy—with Chanyeol, the simplest thing can make him happy. Be it when they have their bodies flush against each other’s, their hands holding tight each other’s, them exchanging smiles in the glance of their eyes… or when he can find another world of wonder in Chanyeol’s words even when they’re just lying on the bed with their limbs intertwined, just like right now.

“My baby.” Chanyeol sighs contentedly, with the words Baekhyun sings in his light tenor voice and the tale Baekhyun recite for him making its way up to his heart. All of those are always doing well in fueling the warm fire inside him, especially Baekhyun’s voice that soothes his mind every time Baekhyun speaks anything—be it just a simple _hi_ or talking about a day in the office. Then he scoots closer to bury his head in Baekhyun’s chest while his hands find their way to caress Baekhyun’s ribcages, adoring the soft, milky skin. “Thank you, Hyunnie.”

“You’re welcome, Yeol. But aren’t you _my_ baby now?” Baekhyun softly coos, which earns him from Chanyeol a cute slight nod of his head that he can feel on his chest, and a reverberating agreeing hum alongside his phthalo blue hair brushing his chest that tickles him. He then continues his tunes in a much calmer tone, noticing how Chanyeol’s eyelids start to droop, blinking heavily, just like a lullabied baby.

_here is the deepest secret nobody knows_  
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud  
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows  
higher than soul can cope or mind can hide)  
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart 

“I love you, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol mumbles this time, with his deep, gruff voice slowly quietening down and the tone slightly lower than usual. Even though the frequency of his eyes blinking open is reducing, he still can see between the darkness of the back of his eyelids Baekhyun’s dark mahogany eyes staring at his. So just right before he entered the embracing arms of sleep, he whispers, “I love you.”

Mumblings coming out of Chanyeol’s mouth are what Baekhyun keeps dearly inside the vault of secret of his heart—be it something cute or unintelligible, those are his secrets. Again he feels the fortune is on his side—this is the wonder of the world that he gets to witness every night. Then after he sees Chanyeol finally closes his eyes, he lets out the last line of the poem, singing it almost inaudible just so the tall man doesn’t get startled and woken up. This is his secret for him.

_i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)_

Their body heat merging from touching skin to skin envelops them better than their blankets, sharing both the warmth of their love and their bodies. Baekhyun notices Chanyeol’s caresses tracing patterns on his ribcages finally ceases, signaling him that Chanyeol has fully gone to sleep. Slowly he grabs Chanyeol’s hands from his chest and softly rubs the fingers—these are the hands that always hold and support his, the hands that are soon to be forever his in marriage… the hands that he’ll never let go.

Baekhyun keeps every part and detail Chanyeol has so deep in him, so close to the heart that beats his life to the point he _is_ Chanyeol. Because Chanyeol is always, always in his mind—yet not just as a pleasure, a thought, or a feeling, but as his own being.

As sleepiness leads his eyes to close, before he loses his consciousness, in the last line of _Love Me Tender_ Baekhyun whispers back, “For my darling I love you… and I always will.”

***


	3. Chapter 3

**November 28th, 2016  
Seoul, South Korea  
06.41 AM**

Sounds of birds chirping and a lone ray of sunshine coming straight onto his face wake Chanyeol up from his sleep.

A muted sound of a man singing—one second of staying still and straining his ears help him in easily recognizing the singer as the one and only Nat King Cole—also colors the day. It seems like Baekhyun played their vinyl collections of Nat King Cole’s albums, because now he can hear Mr. Cole’s 1965 album _L-O-V-E_ playing on their gramophone.

Then he remembers what happened last night, blushing as he does so. Since yesterday, Baekhyun is really his husband now—well, unofficially, but so close to happening and so real he might as well use the word now. As he glances to the pillow next to him, he realizes Baekhyun is nowhere to be found, but his side of bed is still quite warm, so he must’ve not gone a long time ago.

Chanyeol then proceeds to remove the bed cover piled up—more like tucked messily, by Baekhyun, he guesses—over his naked body. He blushes some more, it’s not their first time but he feels like it is their special first time doing it after they’re engaged, after Baekhyun said that life changing _yes_. What makes him smile is the fact he wasn’t entirely asleep when he heard Baekhyun returned his _I love you_ after singing him to sleep.

Humming the song he made to propose Baekhyun but with the poem’s words Baekhyun sang to him ringing in his head, Chanyeol gets up from their shared bed and picks out a t-shirt lying on top of the bedside lamp. Last night they were wild, he admits. He’s not surprised when he finds it to be Baekhyun’s t-shirt and his shirt is nowhere to be found, deducing that Baekhyun is wearing it since it’s what the latter likes to do.

Chanyeol proceeds to their bathroom to brush his teeth—a habit he and Baekhyun developed because Seohyun is a dentist and she promotes dental health education to everyone in vicinity, about how important it is to keep your mouth brushed at least twice a day—and washes his face.

Faint sound of paper rustling, Baekhyun talking with a couple of other voices, fizzling sounds of the stove, the boiling sounds of water and a low humming from their coffee machine manage to flit inside the bedroom to reach Chanyeol’s ears. Curious what Baekhyun is up to, he walks out of their shared room after wearing his shorts to search for the small man.

As Chanyeol is nearing the kitchen, he sees Baekhyun talking on the phone. Baekhyun as expected is wearing Chanyeol’s shirt that goes down until half of his thighs—he suspects Baekhyun didn’t bother to wear any kind of pants or underwear, judging from the easily seen soft curve lines of his ass showing at the backside of Chanyeol’s shirt he’s wearing.

Baekhyun has one hand on his phone and one hand on the spatula, flipping some bacon strips that Chanyeol loves. He gives him a code, asking who’s he talking to. Baekhyun catches it and mouths _mum and dad_ before replying to the conversation ongoing on his phone.

“Dad, thank you for getting us your blessing, we’ll visit soon, I promise!—Yes mum, I know! Chanyeol was so sweet last night, he treated me so well—” Baekhyun says to his phone between the sizzling sounds of the bacon he’s currently cooking. “Seohyun nuna! Stop it we didn’t do anything naughty!”

Chanyeol realizes Baekhyun is talking to his whole family. He chuckles a little seeing how Baekhyun raises his spatula when he scolded Seohyun and blushes when he hears that Seohyun actually guessed correctly that they did something more than naughty last night.

“Oh mum, dad, nuna, Chanyeol’s awake, I have to go—No! No asking him for details, all of you are just going to ask him thousands of things and bore him to death—Nuna please, he won’t leak anything about our _naughty night_ that doesn’t exist,” Baekhyun laughs, trying to hide his reddened cheeks with his hand even though technically his sister won’t be able to see it. “Okay, okay. Yes mum, dad, don’t worry. I miss you all so much—I love you too, good bye.” He hangs up, putting down his phone before launching himself into Chanyeol, hugging him like a bear.

In each other’s embrace is all they need to start slow dancing across the living room floor. With Nat King Cole’s velvety baritone voice serenading them as they sway slowly following the rhythm, it’s perfect.

_L is for the way you look at me_

“Hey, Yeol.” Baekhyun greets. He loves clinging onto Chanyeol, especially how Chanyeol’s body temperature is always warm, and he can sense the minty smell of Chanyeol’s toothpaste and parchment from spending time so much with his chord sheets. He wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s torso and places his head directly on top of Chanyeol’s chest, just so he can place his ear near Chanyeol’s heart to listen to Chanyeol’s heartbeat.

“Hey, baby. Did you tell your family about our engagement?” Chanyeol asks. He loves the way Baekhyun’s hugs always leave him breathless, the way Baekhyun’s hair softly tickling his nose and he can smell a drift of lemon from Baekhyun’s shampoo. Needing no instruction, he circles his arms around Baekhyun’s body to hug the small man back, hands firmly planted in the slant of his back.

“Yeah, they’re so over-the-moon hearing the news. Apparently I’m the only one who is clueless about the proposal. Congratulations Yeol, my family loves you more than ever.” Baekhyun mumbles against Chanyeol’s naked chest.

“I’m so glad to hear that,” Chanyeol replies. He can feel Baekhyun’s warm lips pressing against his skin, hot breath rolling every time Baekhyun speaks. Then with an amused smile he adds, “Of course we didn’t let you in the plan, you are our target.”

“Oh right. I just realized,” Baekhyun says, his mouth forming a perfect circular O before it dissolves into chuckles. He then gets an idea that will surely lift Chanyeol’s mood more. “Let’s go see your family tomorrow! I miss Mrs. Park and Chanwoo hyung!”

_O is for the only one I see_

For the innocent reaction Baekhyun gave him and the way Baekhyun suggest they meet his family first, Chanyeol smiles. He’s happy because he knows the request shows how considerate Baekhyun is and how much Baekhyun loves his family too—they’re really a one big family, aren’t they? “Yeah, mum and my brother will surely—” he suddenly stops his talk, nose scrunched sniffing the air, his eyebrows knitted. “Wait, Hyunnie. Do you smell that?”

Baekhyun mirrors Chanyeol’s movements, first sniffing his body then the surrounding. When he sniffs towards the kitchen, he then realizes it’s his bacon strips on the pan. “Oh my god! My bacon bits! Why are they wafting off smoke—oh my God—they’re burning!”

Baekhyun and Chanyeol exchange glances for a second before Chanyeol lets out his loudest guffaws ever, doubling over, clapping as he tries to control his laughs. “Baekhyun—oh my god—how can you forget about your bacon bits—” is all he manages to say between laughs, his mind occupied with the thought of how Baekhyun was too busy hugging him and how he feels a bit guilty for keeping the small man’s attention on him… just slightly, though.

Baekhyun is the only one rushing to grab the pan and to turn off the stove, uselessly batting the smoke emerging from the burned bacon strips with his hands.

“Chanyeol! I need help! Stop laughing or else I’ll burn down the damn apartment!” Baekhyun shrieks, even though he can’t help but laugh too in embarrassment. Chanyeol’s hug really can make him forget everything else in the world, including his bacon this time.

_V is very, very, extraordinary_

“Okay, okay!” Chanyeol replies, laughing at the way Baekhyun tries to blow the smoke, adorably puffing up his cheeks. Quickly he walks over to where Baekhyun stands in front of the stove. Then he reaches his hands up, near the top of Baekhyun’s head to grab a ceramic mug from the high shelves planted to the ceiling, before filling the mug with tap water and splashing it onto the pan.

“That’s it, our breakfast is ruined,” Baekhyun exclaims, while putting his now soot black colored bacon strips into the garbage bin and the pan into the sink. “I feel bad, Yeol. I wanted to cook for you.”

“No worries, Hyunnie. You tried to cook for me, and that’s what matters! You can cook for me later and for now I can make something else for us.” Chanyeol says, comforting the defeated puppy, steering him to sit on the dining table next to the kitchen counter.

He then prepares the kitchen utensils he needs to prepare and reheat the _dalk-kalguksu_ or the Korean noodle soup with chicken broth that he cooked yesterday—it’s also one of Baekhyun’s favorite dishes. He tries to set everything quickly after hearing the rumble of Baekhyun’s stomach and the shy chuckle that followed after.

While Chanyeol works with his magic, Baekhyun watches from the side, grateful. It’s not an everyday opportunity for people to see a shirtless Chanyeol cooking for them, and to think he’s the only one who gets this treatment… he feels so lucky. The way Chanyeol’s toned torso gleamed under the sunshine coming through the windows, slightly slicked by the steam coming from the pot as the tall man cooks food for him—it’s a feast to his eyes and his stomach too.

_E is even more than anyone that you adore_

After the apartment considerably doesn’t smell like burned bacon, Chanyeol finished his quick cooking; the chicken broth boiled properly, the knife-cut noodles warm, some zucchini placed on the center of their bowls with some chicken strips are added, some chopped green onion sprinkled over top, and served immediately with kimchi.

They sit side by side in front of the kitchen counter as they indulge in the noodle dish showered with the hot chicken broth. Occasionally Baekhyun comments about how good the dish is and how happy he is to have his own chef at home, with Chanyeol as always spending his time mostly watching Baekhyun eat fondly rather than finishing his own bowl.

In the middle of slurping his soup and enjoying Chanyeol’s heavenly handmade noodle, Baekhyun breaks the silence. “We really do complement each other.”

The way Baekhyun’s cheeks are bulging and filled with the food he cooked, Chanyeol smiles. Unlike the small man, he gulps down his noodle first before he replies, “How come?”

“First, from our latest incident we can conclude that you cook, I clean.” Baekhyun deadpans, admitting the obvious fact. He’s really good at cleaning, really—from the way he never misses a speck of dust to the way he empties every plate or eats any food Chanyeol cooked for him.

_And love is all that I can give to you_

Chanyeol laughs, he almost sprayed his noodle that he just spooned into his mouth onto Baekhyun’s face if it weren’t for him taking a gulp of water first. “Proven. And then?”

"Second, look at us. You’re only wearing your shorts and I’m only wearing your shirt.” Baekhyun says cheekily with a playful wriggle of his eyebrows and a teasing smirk, both almost making Chanyeol choke on his noodles this time.

Chanyeol was right, Baekhyun didn’t even bother to put on his shorts. Then he has an idea. After sipping some water, he replies, “Oh that’s true! Can I add the third one?”

“What?” Baekhyun asks, his voice a bit muffled since he talks while having his chopsticks halfway inside his mouth, concentrating only to gulp down more noodles.

“I’m tall and…” Chanyeol slowly sets aside his bowl and glass, and readies himself to run. Now is the time. “You’re a short, small and tiny baby!”

_Love is more than just a game for two  
Two in love can make it_

Baekhyun’s head snaps upwards from his bowl as he throws a scandalized look at Chanyeol, mouth half open with strands of noodles hanging, chopsticks held in a way two blades ready to stab anything close. Then he blares, “Park Chanyeol, you’re a dead meat!”

But Chanyeol is one step beyond Baekhyun’s reach as he’s already sprinting away from Baekhyun, zigzagging his way around the furniture, laughing like there’s no tomorrow; with Baekhyun hot on his trail, chasing after the running away suspect, face with a sly smile and ready to attack—laughing all the same.

After their session of trying to catch each other that includes Baekhyun slipping on the floor from the water Chanyeol accidentally spilled, and Chanyeol running face first into the couch because he was too distracted to escape Baekhyun’s tickles that put an end to his flight, Baekhyun finally managed to arrest him, pulling out his weapon of tickles.

Now they lie on the floor, spread-eagled while moving their limbs in a motion that resembles kids making snow fairies on a snowy ground and catching their breaths. This is really their fun and happy way to lose pounds of their weight—running around to chase and tickle each other, topped with them laughing together.

_Take my heart but please don’t break it  
Love was made for me and you_

Once his breath is already even, Baekhyun speaks up. “Yeol.”

A call of his nickname from Baekhyun is enough for Chanyeol to shift his full attention to him. “Yes, baby.”

This time, as the gramophone continues spinning the vinyl record on the turntable, its stylus changes track to play another Nat King Cole’s masterpiece sang with his daughter Natalie Cole, 1951 ballad song _Unforgettable_.

Baekhyun turns his head to look at Chanyeol, his cheek touching the soothing cold of the floor’s ceramic tiles. But nothing beats the way Chanyeol’s warm dark cinnamon eyes turn into a cool, comforting shade of jet black under the dim illumination of their apartment. “Love never felt so fine until I met you, until I experienced your love.”

“I’ll find a thousand ways to love you, then,” Chanyeol replies smoothly, chuckling. Then he places his palm on Baekhyun’s cheek, gently caressing the soft skin. “And another thousands to come until it reaches infinity to make you feel love at its very finest.”

Both the words Chanyeol said to him and the touch of Chanyeol’s hand on his cheek are already proof of Baekhyun’s statement. He beams, cheeks dressed in ruby-red. “That’s very sweet of you, Yeol.”

“You’re not going to ask why a thousand?” Chanyeol asks as he softly pokes Baekhyun’s blushing cheeks. He’s always amused to observe the way it dips and bounces back to full plumpness.

Feeling both Chanyeol’s incoming trick and Chanyeol’s index finger on his cheeks, Baekhyun chuckles. “A thousand is already so much, though—”

“Ask me,” Chanyeol cuts, preparing his puppy look that Baekhyun loves so much: grinning in a way his cheeks are more bulging with dimples on show, eyes shining and opened wide. In their home, Baekhyun is not the only one who can do puppy charms that melts people’s hearts every time. “Please?”

“Okay,” Baekhyun chuckles. Being familiar with the tiny bits of surprises Chanyeol always has under his sleeves, he chooses to play along. He will always play along to Chanyeol’s plots, because he knows it always create a great storyline that leads to a happy ending. And frankly, who can say no to Chanyeol who’s now turned into such an adorable puppy rolling around on his stomach on their apartment floor? “Why a thousand?”

“Because I have a mathematical formula of us,” Chanyeol theorizes, holding his hands up in the air to show his fingers in front of his and Baekhyun’s faces. “If we multiply your name, _Baek_ with mine, _Yeol_ , we will create a thousand.”

“Arithmetically romantic, Professor Park,” Baekhyun comments, laughing as he realizes they do have numbers on their names; the first syllable of his name means a hundred in Sino-Korean number system and the last syllable of Chanyeol’s name means ten in Native Korean number system. All jokes and the theories Chanyeol has about them or him that always make him laugh are really the highlight of his days. “Thank you so much.”

“Thanks, baby,” Chanyeol replies happily, satisfied by the smile he managed to carve on Baekhyun’s face. Making Baekhyun laugh and succeeding every time are really the highlight of his days. “And you’re welcome.”

_Unforgettable  
That’s what you are  
Unforgettable  
Though near or far_

After a few minutes of them trying to pinch each other cheeks—laughing loudly and almost wrestling each other on the floor—this time it’s Chanyeol who speaks up as he glances towards Baekhyun, who’s currently smiling while closing his eyes, with a ray of sunshine that escaped through the balcony windows falling right on top of his face, making the small man looks even more glowing. “Hyunnie.”

“Yeol.” Baekhyun replies as he opens his eyes while turning his head to glance back at Chanyeol. On Chanyeol’s face he sees the burst of rosy red and the gleam of sweat on his cheeks from their activities just now, and it makes the tall man looks so brightly beautiful.

“Come here.” Chanyeol calls, extending his arms and offering the space of his hug for Baekhyun to fill. After so much happened to him and Baekhyun in ten extraordinary years… under the loud commotion of the day, sometimes comes a peaceful moment where he has Baekhyun in his embrace and he can feel his mind clear and his heart calm. With Baekhyun, he needs nothing else.

“Why? You miss me already?” Baekhyun teases, smiling. Even so, slowly he slides his body across the floor towards Chanyeol’s lying figure, automatically slipping himself to close the gap between their bodies before scooting closer into the warmth of the tall man’s arms.

Of course Chanyeol has something to tease Baekhyun back, but for this one he needs to keep Baekhyun stay in his hold. So as a smile slowly dawning on his face when he finally has Baekhyun close to him, he wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s body and closes his eyes for a moment to feel Baekhyun’s warmth slowly spreading from where they're touching and on the tips of his fingers to combine with his own body heat. Then as he makes sure his arms are locking the small man in his hug properly, with a smirk he replies, “I don’t miss you.”

“What—” Baekhyun’s head snaps up so fast after hearing the words Chanyeol said to him, almost bumping his forehead onto Chanyeol’s chin. Looking up, he expects to see a teasing smirk on Chanyeol’s face, but all he finds is a soft smile with a hint of dimples. 

“Why should I miss you when I have you with me all the time? I have you in my arms,” Chanyeol cuts Baekhyun quickly, bopping Baekhyun’s pointed nose before giving the small man’s forehead a soft kiss. Then he pats his own chest, indicating his beating heart. It has been a long time since he started to believe there’s a piece of Baekhyun living in him, an echo of every beat of his heart, right from the start. “And I have you right here as well.”

“Wow. I can really live a thousand years more with you and your words alone, judging by the way you keep my heart beating alive with your heartfelt words that always make my heart beat fast.” Baekhyun says, laughing warmly with his breath tickling Chanyeol’s bare chest that sets the tall man to laugh as well. The one liners Chanyeol seems to have so much in stock is indeed, _cheesy_ , but there’s just something in the way Chanyeol said it with making him smile as the pure intention behind the teasing smirk that differs the tall man from others and turns the seemingly overused sentences into something to keep in his heart.

“But really, Hyunnie. I just want to lie next to you for a moment.” Chanyeol confesses at last, telling the truth after they’re done laughing. Even lying on their apartment’s floor can feel like sleeping on the beds of the softest, cottony snow if he has Baekhyun with him, talking endlessly about what their hearts really want to say.

To that, Baekhyun smiles as he adjusts the position of his head to rest on Chanyeol’s right biceps. He knows Chanyeol’s fondness of them hugging and the fact that they have all the time to do just that, but he also knows after one look into Chanyeol’s eyes reveals so much underneath the words and the way it’s spoken in such an affectionate and attentive tone—those indicate him that there’s something important and serious that Chanyeol wants to say. So as he shifts his body slightly to fit Chanyeol’s torso, readying himself to listen, with a small smile and an interested voice he asks, “Alright, what’s on your mind?”

For a few seconds Chanyeol closes his eyes. Exactly just like magic, with Baekhyun on his arms and every part of their bodies touching, even as he has his eyelids shut tight, he still can see the colorful flashes of their happy days pasted so clearly on the blackness of the back of his eyelids and feeling the warmth it brings into his heart that enhances the warmth of their body heat fusing together. “I have lots of it.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, observing the contented look on Chanyeol’s face that seems to appear and replaces the thinking hard one as soon as Chanyeol tightens his hug on his body. He can tell how much is _lots_ and even though Chanyeol is more outspoken than he is, he remembers at rare times back in their university days Chanyeol liked to keep silent about what he has in his mind, which at that time prompted him to devise a little game to help Chanyeol speaking out his thoughts. “Yeol. How about a hug and a kiss for a thought?”

“Even without hugging or kissing you, I’ll still tell you what’s on my mind. I’ll always be honest to you, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol laughs as he opens his eyes to find Baekhyun’s face is already so close to his, eyes staring into his and smile sent his way. Even so, still he moves his head forward to kiss Baekhyun’s lips gently, taking time to nimble softly on the lower lip and licking the red lips he loves the most. The attention Baekhyun is giving him makes him feel so contented and puts his mind at ease, remembering the way he used to be quiet and lie about his feelings but Baekhyun changed it all—he found the voice and the words to tell the stories of his feelings. He found his best friend in Baekhyun and he still finds that same person today, just as caring and as thoughtful as ever. “I was just thinking how to put it in words for you. I want you to know what I truly feel right now.”

To Baekhyun, one of the best character developments he ever saw in Chanyeol is how the tall man has turned more talkative about his feelings, opening up his heart to him more, and it’s his greatest honor to be able to witness it and to be a part of the people Chanyeol trusts. So he kisses the tall man again and after they parted, with a small smile he says, “Alright, Yeol.”

In Baekhyun’s eyes Chanyeol sees again that same understanding and patient look, along with the soft smile on Baekhyun’s face that soothes his mind every time. And that’s when he knows what he’s going to say for the small man.

_Like a song of love that clings to me  
How the thought of you does things to me  
Never before  
Has someone been more…_

“Yesterday, proposing to you to marry me and having you say yes, it’s a dream came true… but I still have so many dreams. And I want to achieve and carry through every single of it with you, because I know you’ll take me to the places that alone I’d never find,” Chanyeol muses, looking straight back into Baekhyun’s eyes, as he releases their hug but still keeping his right hand bundling and carrying Baekhyun’s body closer to him. Then he raises his left hand up in the air, tracing patterns using his fingers on the lights above them as if those are their stars in the sky of their apartment’s high ceiling. “Even though our dreams are young and fragile, and I know the road ahead might be not so easy… I also know for sure our love will lead the way for us just like—” 

“Just like a guiding star,” Baekhyun says, completing the sentence as he raises his right hand as well, to show his flaming shooting star tattoo that signifies another part of Chanyeol he owns, inscribed on the skin of his wrist. Then he reaches for Chanyeol’s raised hand, intertwining their fingers together. “And together… we can’t go wrong.”

“And well, even if somehow we do go wrong, at least we’ll fix it up together.” Chanyeol quips with a grin, before he laughs at the sight of Baekhyun almost bursting out in laughter at his words while feeling the pleasant tremble of Baekhyun’s body as the small man laughs.

“Very well said, Yeol,” Baekhyun replies, laughing heartily at the sight of a grinning Chanyeol being so proud of the comment he said. Of course the tall man will always find amusing things to smile or laugh at in everything and every moment. Then something comes into his mind. “That reminds me when we went to my house at Bucheon before my family moved to California and we broke one my mum’s ceramic plates, and we spent hours trying to glue every piece back together using power glue without knowing that mum was planning to give them away, and that it was okay for us to break one?”

“Oh! I remember that one, it was so hard to piece everything back because the plate broke into so many pieces and we spent almost seven hours for that alone,” Chanyeol replies, laughing. But then he realizes there’s one part that Baekhyun seems to purposefully let out from the story judging from the way Baekhyun’s cheeks are reddening, so he decides to tease Baekhyun about it by feigning a serious look as if he’s truly blaming the small man. “But I honestly think it’s your fault.”

“What—Yeol, it’s _your_ fault—you’re the one who got us making out in the kitchen by kissing me as soon as we stepped into the house and the door locked behind us.” Baekhyun laughs along, still clear in his mind how at that time Chanyeol hoisted him up easily onto the kitchen counter and when things got heated up and escalated quickly, while his hand was trying to find a grip on Chanyeol’s shoulder, his elbow accidentally came across a stack of ceramic plate and sent one of it down the floor.

“I blame it all on how beautiful you looked with your alluringly luscious red lips and how you told me there’s no one home,” Chanyeol defends himself, with this time his frown and puppy pout are finally coming into surface. Does he ever said about how his weakness lies in Baekhyun’s lips? Well—Baekhyun himself is literally all of his greatest weaknesses combined. “And you kept teasing me by always rejecting my attempt to kiss you along our drive to your house.”

At the puzzled puppy look on Chanyeol’s face and the stubborn tone in Chanyeol’s voice, Baekhyun can only laugh again, deciding to squeeze Chanyeol’s puffed up cheek gently with his other hand and again getting amused by the way it turns the pout on the tall man’s face into a smile. “Just like what you said, I was _just_ teasing you, Yeol, and I rejected your kisses because you were driving, I knew if I give you one kiss you’d probably forget you were steering the wheel and the whole car containing us.”

“Alright but—but I mean you— _you_ know how much I can hold _nothing_ back when it comes to you!” Chanyeol retorts, albeit still smiling sheepishly to hide his slight embarrassment at one of his secrets about how he loves kissing Baekhyun so much is known by Baekhyun himself—but it’s not like he ever regretted kissing Baekhyun, anyway. But then he smirks at one part in his memory of the event. “And really, as always the fact that you kissed me back is more than enough,” that gets him a flustered Baekhyun adorably spluttering incoherent words. Then his smirk softens into a fond smile at another particular memory he cherishes the most. "And my favorite part is how at that time in the panic of getting your mum mad at us and how could we piece it back to its initial spotless state before your mum went back, we could still have so much fun, it was like playing an expert level of puzzle piecing together.”

“Alright, alright, I do love kissing you back,” Baekhyun laughs, giving the answer that he knows Chanyeol wants to hear and really does contain the truth—never for once he'll ever miss a chance to kiss Chanyeol, anyway. Then he thinks about Chanyeol’s last sentence, remembering how even though they were almost hysterical whenever they checked the time before his mother came home while they were still trying to glue everything back together, it only made them laugh even harder until their stomachs hurt and grin even wider until their cheeks hurt “Still, I love how when we’re together we can stay calm and still have a laugh in times of trouble.”

_Unforgettable  
In every way  
And forever more  
That’s how you’ll stay_

“Truthfully, the word _together_ has been holding so much meaning for me,” Chanyeol starts, getting back to what he wants to say when he hears Baekhyun mentioning that particular word. This one thought comes from what they’ve discussed just now and the sight of Baekhyun’s flaming shooting star tattoo and his own smiling half-moon tattoo aligning side by side on their wrists as they hold hands—against the cream color of their skin, the bold lines of black are gleaming beautifully under the sun’s shine that manages to filter in from the balcony’s windows. “It’s really you and I against the world. I truly don’t need anything or anyone else because I fear nothing when I have you with me. It’s not even a form of exaggeration, since after been through so much with you who are always _there_ every time I need you and how having you with me makes me capable in standing tall, mindful and honest—ready to face whatever comes my way courageously… that’s the adequate and appropriate conclusion for the feeling I have. I just love you so, so much.”

From the things Chanyeol said on his thoughts about the word _together_ for them, Baekhyun finds something about the love they shared together _love_ and how Chanyeol changes his perception about the strange and complex but still pleasant nevertheless matter. And he decides to let Chanyeol know about it.

“You know, Yeol. I might have been in love before, but with you… I never thought it’s possible for me to be so much in love with someone else and that it could actually feel this strong,” Baekhyun says matter-of-factly, with his dreamy voice floating along the jazz music. “This idea I have is actually been there in my mind since the first time I looked through your eyes all those years ago—I thought the only people I can trust in love, who I can actually love more than anything and will love me back in the end of the day are my family. But then I realized, with my family what I have in my heart is a kind of feeling that goes beyond the four walls of love, like a noble kind of soul bond forged since birth. If that makes sense?”

To that Chanyeol nods and lets Baekhyun to continue, as he brings back his and Baekhyun’s hands back down, placing their joined hands on his bare chest, right on top of his heart. Even though he’s more of the talker between the two, he knows when Baekhyun starts a monologue, it’s time for him to listen to Baekhyun, fully focusing to it and keeping the words close in his heart.

“And here’s what makes you so special. My feeling of love for you, it takes a different turn—or whatever the term is, as strange and as real it is,” Baekhyun continues, smiling when he sees Chanyeol chuckling at him. He used to be strictly practical and state facts in an _it is what it is_ way, but since meeting Chanyeol… in the garden of his heart and mind, there are blooming petals of romance flourishing here and there amongst the otherwise emerald green sea of carefully trimmed pots of cold hard facts shrubs. “I thought love is an object that only appears in the cliché poems and classical compositions from hundreds of years ago or flaunted carelessly just to be a selling commercial point, but you, Yeol, _you_ make me believe it’s always there all along. In you and in me—as pure and sublime as it is. To be more accurate, it’s in everyone. But most people lost their belief in it because of the agonies they endured and the pain they inflicted in the namesake of hell bent love, which came from making love itself bear too heavy a weight—asking unrealistic high expectations without a thought that every rise will have its own cease, attachments without sparing some space to have one love oneself, and the want to be understood without the sincerity to figure out others.”

Then Baekhyun turns his head. With their face close, hands gripping each other’s tight and heartbeats thudding loud, he stares deep into Chanyeol’s eyes, and then he starts to read what’s written for him inside those dark cinnamon orbs.

“But you’re different. People might say it’s too simple, too good to be true, but you always make sure there’s no such thing as the one who loves the other more between us, in our own ways we love each other just the same. You stand right by my side and become the other hand that I needed—that helps me reach what I couldn’t get before, that holds and stabilizes, that eases the weight and takes part, that embraces me to keep me moving forward and gives me that sense of familiarity like I’ve experienced love for so many times before. It might sound surreal but it does feel like from that, I can tell how I’ve loved you for a thousand lifetimes before. And for this lifetime, like you said, I’ll find a thousand ways to love you, too. I think for all of that the world may change my whole life but it’ll never change my love for you… so I know I’ll love you for another thousand lifetimes.” 

“Hyunnie… I don’t think there’s enough amount of words to tell how much I love you,” Chanyeol muses, as Baekhyun’s words float in his mind like a swarm of clouds that gives a comforting shade on summer days, before dawning on him with its warmth that resembles the sun’s much needed shine on winter days. He really wants to tell the amount of how much love he has for Baekhyun too, but what else can he say when Baekhyun already said it so effortlessly beautiful and brilliantly brought up all the details? “And I think you ought to know by now how much I love you.”

_That’s why, darling, it’s incredible  
That someone so unforgettable  
Thinks that I am   
Unforgettable, too_

“I do know, more than you think I do,” Baekhyun replies, grinning when he sees Chanyeol’s smile grows wider the more he speaks, and stays on his face as bright as the morning sun. This is one of his reasons to smile, to know Chanyeol understands him even without him telling the tall man about it, and of course, to know that he’s his. “And what I said are just a few of its proof.”

“We’re cool.” Chanyeol laughs, it feels so nice to have someone that shares the exact same trail of thoughts as you, and even better when it’s the person that you love more than anything.

“What are we, really?” Baekhyun chuckles as he rolls his body to face Chanyeol, rising up slightly with his head leaning on one hand propped and holding the side of his head. He’s somewhat very convinced at the fact that in the wholeness of himself in his own body, soul, and mind, there’s still a part that belongs to him that stays unattached from him—and right now it lives in Chanyeol. And how in turn a piece of Chanyeol resides in him too, like a throne on his heart or an integral part of every drag of breath he inhales. “What are our existences in the universe? Or maybe in this mortal world? Are we qualified enough to be called with what people say as soul mates?”

“No…” Chanyeol replies, as he too rolls back. To him, the term _soul mate_ is still a scant regard to what they have between them. Baekhyun is like that mirror he reflects upon, and what he’s about to say is an idea that he got from observing how having Baekhyun right by his side changed a lot of things in him—and one of them is helping him see things in different ways. “I think we go way farther and deeper than that.”

Right at the moment, the duet of the Coles ends and the gramophone stops for a few seconds before its speaker is back flowing out one last song for them, Nat King Cole’s 1956 ballad song, _When I Fall in Love_.

The different glint in Chanyeol’s eyes says the tall man has something to say. Smiling and directing his full attention to Chanyeol, Baekhyun drags their hands up, bringing it close to his mouth just so he can give a kiss on the back of Chanyeol’s hand languidly. “What are we, then?”

Even the feeling of Baekhyun’s lips lightly moving on the back of his hand alone can give Chanyeol a sense of ease and warm feeling spreading from his hand to everywhere in his body. Then he goes silent for a moment, calculating and weighing the formulas of them, even though strictly speaking, those aren’t a valid or precise quantification to measure them. But then, from the words Baekhyun said earlier, and the fact that from their adjoined hands and swirling skin to skin he somehow can feel the way Baekhyun’s soothing heartbeat travels from his hand then to his heart to combine with his own rhythm… he finds what he’s looking for.

_When I fall in love  
It will be forever  
Or I’ll never fall in love_

“Maybe if there’s a term for it, it might be like the way the Ancient Greek describe our variety of love— _pragma_ or a mature, longstanding love. People exert too many of their time and emotions on _falling in love_ instead of _standing in love_. Our love might start just like any others—playful and filled with teasing, but as the time goes on, we move beyond people’s addiction with romantic love and evolve toward the embodying _pragma_.”

Chanyeol pauses for a moment, taking his time to observe Baekhyun—the smile appearing on the small man’s face resembling the graceful way of the sky slowly changing its color following the sun during dusk and dawn. Without question, the only thing he wants to do in every day they’ll spend together is to make that exact smile to stay for a long time. So for the moment he continues to voice out his thoughts and feelings for Baekhyun.

“Just like you said, how in our own ways we love each other just the same, you and I… we’re constantly making lots of effort to give back love instead of just receiving it. I just know for sure there’s a deep understanding developed between us to make compromises to help us work better as time goes on, with us showing patience and tolerance—we offer each other’s strengths to endure through everything together to the point we’re forged. I’d dare to say as much as we’re independent individuals who stand strong, we’re almost as inseparable as one gentle soul.”

To Baekhyun, this is another moment of proof that shows Chanyeol’s reasoning ability as the one that differs him from million others, his own trail of thoughts showing the steps of high intelligence and his broad mind’s high capacity to perceive and understand again showing the outstanding degree of excellence Chanyeol has. The best part is that he feels exactly the same but whereas he can’t quite describe it, Chanyeol brilliantly supplies the words for him—it feels like their strengths together combined—again making him think that it’s really possible for the concept of two people having the same, interconnected minds to be true, and maybe confirming the fact that they really have it too.

“From day one and even right now, with the way you and I are always coming back for each other no matter how far or how long we’re away, and how you’re always giving back the love I give you in better ways I didn’t know even existed… I can feel it.” Chanyeol continues, eyes staring long into Baekhyun’s.

“Feel what?” Baekhyun asks, anticipating more at the view of such fond look painted all over Chanyeol’s face that he knows the tall man only shows just for him.

What Chanyeol is going to say concludes his previous words and what he feels about what he and Baekhyun have—the one thing he lives for every day. “I can feel the strong current of love between our hearts… Immeasurable. Generous. Free.”

A lot of people might misunderstand him but that’s because they don’t know him at all—Baekhyun just loves Chanyeol so, so much—God, Chanyeol is all he needs. Underneath all those cheeky teasing, vibrant laughter, beautiful cheesy words that Chanyeol has, there also lies fine-drawn distinction and refinement of reasoning that hold the base of everything he does, all the while still very gentle and so full of love it flows out continually for everyone to feel and experience.

_When I give my heart  
It will be completely  
Or I'll never give my heart_

“With the way you know me so well…” Baekhyun muses. So far, with everything Chanyeol did for him, all the things his heart wanted—just as if the tall man knows whatever crosses his mind or his heart desired. “I’m convinced you’re more myself than I am.”

“You know Hyunnie?” Chanyeol ponders for a moment, as Baekhyun’s words pull a particular train of thought of how he thinks of them always knowing what the other has in mind. “Whatever our souls are made of… I’m so sure yours and mine are the same. It all comes back to the fact I can find you in me and me in you, like a confirmation how we’ll always find each other in ourselves… just like we’ll find home anywhere.”

“You know, Yeol,” Baekhyun says, as a vivid memory of the day he first saw Chanyeol presents itself in front of his eyes. It’s almost as if he’s back on that day, and at this moment he’s finding again the genuine tender loving look in Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon eyes that pulls his heart to come to Chanyeol’s side and never leave. “People said in just a split second of looking into someone’s eyes you’ll know if they’re the right person to love. So in my first sight of you, it was like at that very moment I knew. It’s like what you said back at the city park—to me, your heart resembles a home. I want to go fill your heart with so much love, light a warm fire, clean off the dust of the past, repair the old wounds, and live in it forever.”

The intense yet still gentle look of earnestness in Baekhyun’s eyes reminds Chanyeol of the first time he sees Baekhyun—right now he’s seeing again the same look that makes him want to stay by the small man’s side for the longest of time. Then he gives Baekhyun a bear hug, feeling exactly the warmth Baekhyun just described to him. “It’s the same for me, how I just knew you’ll be the last destination, the home I’ve always wanted to come back to.”

Automatically Baekhyun places his hand on Chanyeol’s bare chest, wrapping more of Chanyeol’s torso as he adjusts his body closer. Even though he’s wearing Chanyeol’s shirt, still he can feel Chanyeol’s body warmth radiating, fusing into his skin before spreading to every part of his body. “I’m back home."

“My favorite thing is, Hyunnie, how we’re each other’s home, but we can also find home anywhere—just like what we talked about two days ago at the city park, our many homes—that way we don’t always have to depend on a mere presence of the person,” Chanyeol grins, looking at the way Baekhyun clings onto his torso that allows him to drape his arms over Baekhyun’s body. “So even when the whole world changes… I know we’ll still find each other, we’ll still find our home.”

All Baekhyun do is just to stare in awe at the grinning man. Unconsciously he blurts out, “How can you just have those words so easily coming out—”

“I learned from the very best in this expertise, actually,” Chanyeol chuckles, this answer gets him a slightly confused look on Baekhyun’s face that seems to genuinely ask who he’s talking about so he continues, “Of course it’s you.”

“Yeol, please.” Baekhyun laughs, earning him a very convincing act of a baffled look and a _don’t you know?_ from Chanyeol.

“No matter how ridiculous this sounds, but right now I just feel so happy even just from lying on the floor with you, us talking just about everything, holding hands and being so close like this. Just—what’s the word for it—I don’t know? Just so, so happy, it feels like I can change how things in life work or the way the world spins around with all the happiness we have,” Baekhyun says again, this time chuckling to himself, cheeks turning red just from saying the words. Then as he hums again the tune of the song Chanyeol composed to propose to him, he adds, “It’s almost as if we can happily sing songs of farewell to say good bye to the sorrow of yesterday.”

_And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too  
Is when I fall in love with you_

“Once there was a time when I thought about how ridiculous it was for people to use love and its potion that can turn the most logical part of the human’s brain to make them dare themselves by comparing the inimitable beauty of nature, the transcendent force of space, and the unstoppable flow of time with inadequate, almost feeble words to express their ephemeral feelings,” Chanyeol replies, smiling both at the sight of a shy Baekhyun hiding in his hug and at how he knows Baekhyun is letting him know what he truly has in his heart. But really, he understands what Baekhyun is trying to tell because he too feels the same way. So he adds, “But when I met you, I finally understands. If you find the right one, use love in the right way, and keep it alive every single day, it’s not ridiculous at all. Everything just easily makes sense. How I can see nature, space, time… and everything the entire universe contains, in you.”

“I'm just—wow, I’m really speechless at how you can always offer alleviation and comfort for me… Thank you, Yeol,” Baekhyun breathes out as he smiles fondly back at Chanyeol. To find someone who truly understands him when he opens his heart is to find someone he wants to keep by his side forever, and the best part is, he has Chanyeol as that someone. “I can never find someone else like you in the way I’ll never find another just like us. I just really love you… and I love us.”

“Just returning back what you’re giving for me, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol replies, grinning. Just a quarter of an hour ago they were running and around, bickering like five years olds on the playground and now they’ve just finished discussing what they have in mind about the real meaning behind the existence of their love… only they can do it. “And yeah, I really love us! It’s like we can be silly dorks in a moment and philosophical thinkers in next. We’re the power couple.”

“We’re cool.” Baekhyun concludes, swiftly using the same reply Chanyeol said for him a few minutes ago with his wide grin mirroring Chanyeol’s, which prompts them to laugh.

Just in time as they finished, the sweet, heart rendering baritone voice of Nat King Cole slowly softens and the gramophone comes to a halt after the stylus reaches the end of the vinyl’s groove.

Then after more minutes of comforting silence in which they talk through their crescent turned eyes and beating fast hearts, Chanyeol speaks up again. “Hyunnie.”

“Yeol.” Baekhyun replies with a small smile, looking at Chanyeol’s face hovering over him. This is the man that fills his heart with too full of happiness, that fills his seconds with laughter, that fills his life with wonder.

“Wanna do round two?” Chanyeol asks with a wink, referring to what they did last night, before adding a second later, “Oh it rhymes!”

Baekhyun can only laugh at Chanyeol’s fascination with rhyming things before handing his arms over in the tall man’s direction and replies, “Take me home, Yeol.”

Chanyeol is quick to hook his hands under both of Baekhyun’s underarms and knees, lifting him up before carrying him closely in his arms to their bedroom, their laughter mixing so well, both ready for another round.

***

**December 31st, 2016  
Seoul, South Korea  
07.30 PM**

Today is the last day of 2016, and it’s four and half an hour to 2017.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun are sitting on their cozy couch in front of the TV. Well, it’s more fitting to say that Chanyeol is sitting with his legs extended to rest on the coffee table, while Baekhyun lies along the couch with his head on Chanyeol’s lap. It’s their day in, and they’re free to be lazy as much as they want.

Contrary to most people, both Chanyeol and Baekhyun are homey people. They prefer to seek the warmth of being at home with their loved ones and they don’t go out much unless they have to. So that’s why they’re spending the new year’s eve holed up at their apartment, just the two of them.

So far, they’ve done what they always do on new year’s eve: Chanyeol having a Harry Potter marathon with Baekhyun half watching half reading his book—he’s on his tenth read of Harper Lee’s _To Kill A Mockingbird_ —that sometimes will be interrupted by Chanyeol pointing out his favorite scenes or reenact word by word his favorite quotes that happens every five minutes or so, all the while they’re munching on chocolate chip cookies they baked together and sipping on some rum infused eggnog.

Chanyeol glances at the clock on the wall, it reads 7.35 PM. Underneath it, the credit title of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part two is still rolling on the TV screen, and one look downward reveals to him his Baekhyun already asleep on his lap—he’s a little bit grateful because by then he can cry in silence, mourning his favorite characters that died in the Battle of Hogwarts and the end of the Harry Potter series. Baekhyun often teased him for it, since in size he is definitely bigger in all aspects than himself, but in the end he’s still a soft-hearted man inside.

Then he checks his surrounding. The festive atmosphere of Christmas is still strong, the Christmas tree he and Baekhyun carried up to their apartment sits at the corner of the living room, next to the his Imperial Bösendorfer grand piano. Now the tiny lights circling from bottom to top of the pine fir tree are blinking at him, reminding him when he and Baekhyun decorated it with festoons, baubles, all that Christmassy trinkets and of course, a star that Baekhyun placed on top of it while he carried the small man on his shoulder.

Then he remembers how fun exchanging Christmas gifts was: he gave Baekhyun a Leica Q camera after seeing Baekhyun enjoying taking photos of sceneries and the red sunset seen through the mountain haze with his Ricoh camera during their hiking trip to reach the Cheonjedan Peak to see the first sunrise of the year at Taebaeksan National Park this January, on their quest to explore all twenty two national parks South Korea has, and Baekhyun gave him a Gibson’s Thunderbird 2015 bass guitar with tobacco sunburst finishing that he loves— _Now it’s my turn to get you something you said in a passing!_ , was all Baekhyun said when he asked how he knew he was looking for a bass guitar—that adds to his guitar collection Baekhyun bought for him, after a Fender’s limited edition of aged cherry colored Coronado electric guitar.

Again Chanyeol glances over at the sleeping man in his lap. Baekhyun looks so peaceful and comfortable in his sleep—still beautiful and brightly glowing even in just his plain white t-shirt and checkered pajama pants—with one arm folded under his head and the other draped over the couch’s seat edge, half hugging his book while the fingers are touching the floor gingerly. 

Then he stares fondly at the silver band adorning Baekhyun’s ring finger. It’s been one month and four days since he and Baekhyun got engaged, and he wonders when will they hold a wedding?

Honestly they haven’t had the time to discuss about the wedding, with their work and Chanyeol graduating and getting his masters degree interfering their already jam packed schedules. He rotates his head to look at his framed certificate Baekhyun hung after they came back home from the ceremony. It seems like yesterday when Baekhyun became the one who relentlessly supported him to take the scholarship he got when he was so close to let down the offer, too afraid to take chances with him so busy managing the studio and everything. But here he is now, with today marking two weeks since he graduated two weeks ago, ranked first in his class with perfect GPA scores, _summa cum laude_ honor degree, all the while finishing his studies faster and earlier than everyone.

That reminds Chanyeol of the day of his graduation when Baekhyun surprised him by pretending he couldn’t come to his ceremony, but when he walked down after receiving his certificate roll, Baekhyun ran up to him to hug him and present him with a chocolate cake and a bouquet of flower. He was unfocused throughout the entirety of the ceremony because of Baekhyun’s absence, but when he saw Baekhyun smiling at him, proudly telling him that he actually arrived at the university hall long before Chanyeol did, and that this was his attempt to return his surprises for him… his only thought is that this is the person he will keep right by his side forever.

Speaking of surprises, Chanyeol actually already created a checklist of what they need for the wedding, he keeps a binder specifically to store the papers containing wedding necessities, clippings of photos of what kind of theme he wants for it to discuss with Baekhyun. He even searched for wedding organizers, and found his long lost best friends who run an EO business.

As for the date, Chanyeol loves the idea of having his special days combined with another special days or national holidays. That way, in one day he can have twice the fun and the chance of him forgetting an anniversary or a birthday is lessened greatly. So far he has their proposal day on the same day as his birthday, and now he can align their wedding day with Baekhyun’s birthday. It sounds so perfect, and it’s all enhanced with how the leftover Christmas spirit and new year’s eve ambience all around giving him an idea… Should he propose the idea to Baekhyun today? Some spontaneity to close 2016 and start 2017? Sounds like a plan to him.

With a remote Chanyeol turns off the TV as he tries to move Baekhyun’s head from his lap carefully, before placing the head back on the biggest pillow on the couch. Baekhyun, being a deep sleeper just like him, only whines softly and mumbles something that sounds like _Yeol, don’t go_ before going back to his dreamland. After he whispered a soft _I’ll be right back, Hyunnie_ and kissed Baekhyun’s cheek, he slowly tiptoes to the bathroom, mentally preparing himself in front of the big mirror above the sink.

Chanyeol observes his face—he looks okay. But his mind is going a little haywire, he knows they’re taking it slow in baby steps but now he’s about to propose another big idea to Baekhyun. Then his eyes travel down from his reflected face on the mirror to the items placed on top of the table beside the sink: their toothbrushes, razors, combs and other toiletries. Those are the daily stuff you can find anywhere but somehow the fact that they’re placed side by side, as if without one there is no another, reminds him of himself and Baekhyun as counterparts, balancing each other’s existence. And strangely that simple fact acts like an on switch of his adrenaline, convincing him it’s only right to do it tonight.

Baekhyun did say yes to his proposal, but that doesn’t mean his level of nervousness has lowered down when it’s the time to ask him to arrange a wedding—he’s just afraid the time isn’t right. Trying to assure himself, Chanyeol makes a list: he’s sure that he loves Baekhyun, and that Baekhyun loves him back, they’ve been living together and supported each other through thick and thin. This is just another gateway they’re going to pass, another goal turned into achievement. In conclusion? He has a ninety nine percent of getting another _yes_ tonight.

With tight grips on the sink’s edge, Chanyeol braces himself. He washes his face with the cold water from the tap, gargles a decent amount of the minty mouthwash he knows Baekhyun likes, and takes a look again at their toothbrushes—he realizes just now the heads of their toothbrushes are leaning against each other, more like his and Baekhyun’s heads while sleeping at night. After one last check to see if his blue fringes are okay and a self-assuring nod at the mirror, he walks out of the bathroom.

Chanyeol comes back to their living room to find Baekhyun already awake, tidying up the Harry Potter DVD cases, his books, the empty cookies plate and their mugs. He helps Baekhyun with everything, rearranging the pillows and the blankets on their couch. As soon as they’re done, he pulls Baekhyun to sit on the couch again, and they can hear the fireworks blasting more clearly now that the TV is off.

They just sit there looking and smiling at each other, without saying a thing, enjoying each other’s company. They have learned some things are best said when they say nothing at all, like they spoke right to each other’s hearts rather than using words, the smiles on their eyes louder than any sound.

Then Chanyeol takes a hold of Baekhyun’s hands, half pulling half dragging the small man’s body to melt comfortably into his, draping his arm over Baekhyun’s shoulder and hiding their bodies from the cold with the blankets. Next, he clips the Baekhyun’s chin between his fingers to lead his head closer to his. Here it goes, part two.

“Hyunnie.” Chanyeol calls. Being this close, he can really see deep inside into Baekhyun’s eyes, reading the pages that tell the story of the beautiful soul that lies inside, where he found roots for his own wandering lost soul. Only through those eyes he can see the wonders of the world…

“Yeol.” Baekhyun replies, his eyes flitting between the two orbs of Chanyeol’s eyes. Staring into deep into it, he can see the same look Chanyeol gave him when he proposed him, the fondness and honesty behind it takes him back to that day for a moment.

Slowly caressing Baekhyun’s lower lip with his thumb, Chanyeol starts his plan for tonight. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Yeol,” Baekhyun smiles, enjoying the feeling of Chanyeol’s thumb tracing a line on his lip as his hand reaches up to hold Chanyeol’s hand. “Go on.”

“How about we get married next year?” Chanyeol asks carefully, keeping his eyes glued to every movement Baekhyun does as he does so. “Have a wedding and celebrate us.”

But in Baekhyun nothing changes. Except for the sudden silence that Chanyeol can feel its presence strong and replacing the warm atmosphere they previously have.

Yet something happens—he’s not sure about what his senses just catch a moment ago, but he can see something like a barrier in the doors of Baekhyun’s eyes that doesn’t allow him to look inside, almost like trying to see through a murky white fog; and how he also can feel Baekhyun’s body goes rigid against his right after he said those words…

Even so, Chanyeol decides to wait patiently for Baekhyun’s answer, since he understands how things have been happening so fast, maybe Baekhyun is just adjusting…

But a second hasn’t passed yet as Chanyeol starts to panic because Baekhyun is silent the whole time, smile is still there but it has turned into something alike to an empty shell—no feeling can be found—and face almost expressionless as if he’s thinking so hard about something. For a few days he has noticed the times of when he saw Baekhyun staring at nothing, eyes unfocused, looking like he’s brooding about the same thing over and over again so seriously are increasing…

And then a horrifying thought crosses his mind: what if Baekhyun is not ready? What if it’s not the right time?

“But if it’s too soon for you we can discuss about this later—oh my god I’m so stupid—sorry I must’ve freaked you out—” Chanyeol’s face reddens as he turns into a blabbering mess, his hands go up to hide his face and his mouth talking fast just so Baekhyun doesn’t get the wrong idea and think he’s tactless—

“No—it’s okay Yeol, I think it’s a great idea,” Baekhyun suddenly says, interrupting Chanyeol’s nervous rumbling. Then a small smile forms again on his face as he grabs both of Chanyeol’s hands, bringing it to his chest.

“Besides, you’re my sky full of stars, remember? So, for you I’m going to give you my heart, a thousand times over.” Baekhyun adds, reminding Chanyeol of the day where they played _Je te veux_ together on the piano at four in the morning, as his smile grows wider.

Again, Chanyeol thinks he sees something on Baekhyun’s face under the smile and sudden words, but he lets the thought go as he might be just imagining it, because it’s gone in a flash before he can correctly interpret what it is. Better not scrutinize what he didn’t see clearly and still not sure about.

“Count me in, Captain Chanyeol.” Baekhyun jokes, using his soothing voice to calm Chanyeol down.

The sentence Baekhyun said to him pulls Chanyeol out of his train of thought, prompting out his reaction that comes ten seconds late as he processes the words. Finally realizing what Baekhyun meant, his eyes brighten as he tightens his grip on Baekhyun’s hands. “Really, Hyunnie? Are you sure? Oh my god, okay! And if course you’re in, I’m marrying _you_! We should make a fancy party—”

“Party?” Baekhyun interrupts, with something alike to horrid evident in his eyes.

Then Chanyeol remembers something: Baekhyun is not fond that fond of big parties, crowded places and literally anything that involves commotion and too loud noises.

“You know, hold a ceremony at the church and a little garden party. Just you and me, our families and closest friends.” Chanyeol revises his sentence quickly to correct himself, hands now unconsciously rubbing Baekhyun’s shoulders to soothe him.

Baekhyun’s contorted face relaxes a bit. “Oh, okay, that sounds nice, Yeol,” he smiles again before adding, “I’m so happy, Yeol. We’re one step closer.”

“Yeah, next step we can have lots of children and have another sexy time now.” Chanyeol replies smoothly, teasing Baekhyun to make him laugh—but he still has hands slipping towards Baekhyun’s back to subtly touch Baekhyun’s ass. It’ll be 

“Hey! Excuse me!” Baekhyun yelps as he slaps Chanyeol’s hand away, laughing at how he knows the tall man’s trick to both tease and make him laugh again.

Chanyeol pouts and blinks his eyes several times trying to look cute, guilt tripping Baekhyun just to make him give in. “Why, you don’t want to have kids with me?”

“Of course I want to, Yeol. But how does sexy times connect with having kids when we will be _adopting_ the kids, Yeol,” Baekhyun replies matter-of-factly, amused by Chanyeol’s tricks complete with the pout and puppy look. “Besides, shouldn’t we plan the wedding now? Like the dates, venues and everything.”

“Okay Officer Knows Everything, I was just having fun,” Chanyeol huffs adorably, showing his jutted out lip to Baekhyun, earning him a laugh from the small man. Then with a returned excited grin, he supplies his idea for the wedding date. “Let’s get married on your birthday, just like how I proposed you on my birthday.”

“Wow, as always,” Baekhyun replies as he observes Chanyeol’s delighted face while finally realizing the occurrences and its dates, amused by how neat Chanyeol laid his plan for them. “You’ve planned everything from the start, don’t you Yeol?”

“As always for you, baby,” Chanyeol chuckles, enjoying the proud look on Baekhyun’s face. He’s getting more excited now that Baekhyun is back smiling and agreeing to his plans. “And as for the plan, we don’t need to worry, I have friends who run an event organizer.”

“Oh that’s nice, are they good?” Baekhyun asks, checking first. He once met event organizers who became his client and they're such an annoying, fastidious bunch; they don’t even listen to his advices. Truly a nightmare.

“Don’t worry Hyunnie, I haven’t talked to them for quite a time but the owners are childhood best friends of mine, Kyungsoo and Jongin. The best part is that they’re a couple too, they’ve been together for so long and are married for two years now.” Chanyeol confirms, giving Baekhyun two thumbs-up.

“Oh that sounds great! I love them already. Can we talk to them now?” Baekhyun says delightfully, now sitting straighter to adjust their positions on the couch.

“Wow, all of the sudden you want to speed things up?” Chanyeol teases, this time with his fingers playfully pinching Baekhyun’s cheeks. “Can’t wait to be Mr. Park Baekhyun, aren’t you?”

“Yeol, stop joking around and call them, or else I’ll just go.” Baekhyun stands up and makes a move to leave to hide his grinning face, pretending to be annoyed to get back at Chanyeol’s teasing. Teasing is one thing he can never win against Chanyeol, they used to count the scores but he lost count because Chanyeol won too many times already.

Seeing Baekhyun leaving him, Chanyeol panics. He moves as fast as he can to hug Baekhyun around his waist with his long arms, kneeling on the floor. “Hyunnie, I was just joking, don’t go!”

Baekhyun goes silent as he shakes off Chanyeol’s arms and strides calmly away to reach their bedroom with his back on Chanyeol, quietly chuckling as he steals a glance back once in a while and letting the tall man to stay in his own frenzied state for a minute. 

Then after Chanyeol considerably looks like a little kid about to cry, Baekhyun turns around and bursts out laughing. “You should’ve seen your face, Yeol! So funny—oh god—I should do that often!” He manages to say between his laughs as he starts to walk back to Chanyeol, smirk in full force, clearly enjoying the effect of his prank.

Completely relieved, Chanyeol sits back to the couch. He sticks out his lower lip in an attempt to pout as he brushes a tear on his right eye—in his defense he was so scared of Baekhyun leaving him, alright? Then he mumbles something along the lines of _not fair, you get to win everything even my heart_ , before joining Baekhyun to laugh at himself. Besides, Baekhyun’s laugh is so contagious, no one can escape from its addictive jurisdictions.

Then, suddenly, with their current position and again with his adrenaline rushing in from the fact that he’s going to have a wedding with Baekhyun soon, an idea crosses Chanyeol’s mind.

“Wait!” Chanyeol shouts as he signs Baekhyun to stop walking to him. What he’s going to do is actually half inspired by their current position that reminds him of something that he wants to do with Baekhyun, and another half prompted from how he knows this will make Baekhyun laugh. “Stop right there!”

“What?” Baekhyun asks worriedly, his steps forced to halt when he’s already a few meters from Chanyeol. He looks around cautiously, since one time Chanyeol tricked him with a fake rubber cockroach just to make him jump into his arms before laughing into his ears, teasing him as the tall man kissed his cheeks repeatedly and not letting him down. “What is it, Yeol—”

“I have a good idea, just stay right there for a moment!” Chanyeol says excitedly as he rushes to the medium sized shelf placed under their gramophone that stores their vinyl album collections. Then he picks out the vinyl record he deems is perfect for his plan, carefully slipping the dark black disc into the turntable before he places the stylus on top of it. A second later, the strong drum beats and bass strings of Roy Orbison’s 1964 rock ‘n’ roll song, _Pretty Woman_ starts playing from its blooming flower-like speaker. “Now, let’s dance!”

This is another part of Chanyeol that Baekhyun loves—the way Chanyeol always find fun things to do, in every second of their time, to find a way to find a soothing breeze of a smile even when things seem to be giving him the scorching sun’s unbearable heat. As he smiles, wondering what kind of move Chanyeol has for him this time, he gives the tall man an enthusiastic nod. “Let’s dance!”

As soon as he gets the green light from Baekhyun, Chanyeol harmonizes his voice with Mr. Orbison’s voice, singing the lines with his eyes as always on Baekhyun’s and wide grin directed for Baekhyun only.

_Pretty Hyunnie, walking down the street  
Pretty Hyunnie, the kind of I’d like to meet_

Hearing the first two lines Chanyeol sings to him, Baekhyun laughs and gives Chanyeol the time-off gesture with his hands, cutting the tall man’s singing for a moment. “But Mr. Orbison says pretty _woman_ , Yeol—”

“I know he does, but excuse me, let me remind you that no woman can be as beautiful or pretty as you!” Chanyeol replies immediately, frowning as if offended at the horrendous thought that there’s a woman—or literally anyone—who’s anywhere more beautiful than his Baekhyun. Then his face feature softens as he remembers three more important people in his family. So he adds, “Well—except for my mum. And your mum, of course. And oh! Our Seohyun nuna.” 

“Yeol.” Baekhyun laughs, looking up to the obliviously cute Chanyeol. If there’s one person he loves being stuck or forced to put up with… it’s Chanyeol. To be stuck with someone that’s more like a harmless, adorable puppy than anything and his most attractive charm is to be full of humor, he’s definitely more than willing to put up with Chanyeol. 

“Sorry mums and nuna!” Chanyeol yells loudly, as if their mothers and Baekhyun’s sister can hear him, which results in him unable to catch the thoroughly amused look Baekhyun is giving him. Then as a memory of Seohyun pulling his ears comes into his mind, suddenly he crouches down a little bit as if trying to hide behind Baekhyun, with his hands protecting his large ears and a genuine scared look on his face he whispers, “If I didn’t add Seohyun nuna she’ll probably materialize in front of me and pull my ears, doesn’t she?”

“Sure, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs, seeing how cute Chanyeol is right now, the way the 6’1 tall man is scared of his sister. It’s without a reason though, and despite him being the little brother he’s not spared from Seohyun’s regime—once Seohyun pulled their ears with no mercy because they stayed out for too long late at night during one of their summer escapades. Also, the fact that Chanyeol regards his family as his own makes his heart warm and pleased more than ever, they’re really becoming one big family, aren’t they? “Sure.”

Trying to brush off the thought of Seohyun pulling his ears aside and remembering he has a song to sing for Baekhyun, Chanyeol straightens himself up. Then he starts singing along again as he makes his way towards Baekhyun slowly, his eyes that are full of playful glint staring intensely only on Baekhyun’s while a teasing lopsided smirk making its way on his face. “Now let’s continue, shall we? Right now I’m on a special mission for you.”

The mechanism of what exactly made him frozen on the spot and can only direct his eyes on Chanyeol’s… Baekhyun doesn’t really understand. But maybe the way he can see the tender loving stare underneath those playful twinkles on Chanyeol’s eyes did it for him—like it always has been there for ten years, every day. So he can only grin wide fondly back at Chanyeol as he watches the tall man makes his way around him, getting his ears to listen to Chanyeol’s voice that’s perfectly copying Mr. Orbison’s characteristically tumbling, tenor voice and sets his eyes on Chanyeol to capture another work of magic the tall man is performing for him.

_Pretty Hyunnie, I don’t believe you, you’re not the truth  
No one could look as good as you  
Mercy!_

_Pretty Hyunnie, won’t you pardon me  
Pretty Hyunnie, I couldn’t help but see  
Pretty Hyunnie, that you look lovely as can be_

The lines said for him from Chanyeol’s mouth accompanied by the teasing and hilarious flirty moves Chanyeol is doing for him make Baekhyun chuckle and feeling so warm from it, bringing all the fondness in him to pour out for the tall man.

With Baekhyun already chuckling with his cheeks starting to rise up from the light laugh, to Chanyeol it’s his time to let out his stash of corniest and cheesiest lines ever he found in Google to make Baekhyun laugh even more. Stealthily grabbing one of the plastic roses Baekhyun placed in the vases to decorate their kitchen table and presenting it for Baekhyun, he starts, “Hello, I just wanted to show this rose how beautiful you are.”

Baekhyun can only laugh as he takes the fake rose that Chanyeol hands for him while spinning on his spot, looking at Chanyeol who is currently circling him and singing for him. To see Chanyeol sparing no effort to make him laugh, in which he can say is very successful in so many aspects… it makes him think about how this is really the man he wants to keep by his side for the longest time, the man he’ll count forever down with. “Thank you, Yeol.”

“Are you an astronaut?” Chanyeol continues with his second line, this time with an act of a reporter doing a question and answer session with the brightest scientist. For what he’s currently doing… it’s all to make Baekhyun laugh and he hopes Baekhyun can always stay laughing freely—he too will relentlessly try for it to continue to be just like that with all of his might. “Because you took the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.”

“Yes I am, actually,” Baekhyun replies, laughing. He actually feels like he’s inside a planetarium’s dome—standing in the middle of the star-forming nebula regions that makes up the galaxies of Chanyeol: from finding the same amount of love he gives for Chanyeol mirrored in everything Chanyeol’s does for him like seeing the way the sun’s bright light reflected on the moon, watching the bright stars inside the glint of Chanyeol’s eyes, to finally observing the constellations of Chanyeol’s smiles that made up his happiness… all revolving around him. So this time he decides to reply back every line the tall man said with his own. “I stole all the stars in the sky just so I can share them with you as well, since I see its brightness in the way when the night goes on, your laughter and smiles only get brighter… just like those stars.”

“Thank you very much, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol laughs while giving Baekhyun a thumbs-up and clapping appreciatively. As always, Baekhyun is so quick in taking in the things he’s showing for him and actually mastering it in matter of seconds. “You’re getting good at this, Apprentice Byun.”

“Thank you very much, Mr. Prankster Park.” Baekhyun replies, laughing at the nickname he got from Chanyeol for still being unable to surpass the tall man in giving pranks while teasing Chanyeol back with the nickname he got for Chanyeol for his long history in the prank regime before he gives a flattery bow towards the laughing tall man.

“Do you have an eraser and a pencil?” Chanyeol asks this time, moving on with his wide grin and of course, his lines. If there’s an explanation for the way he moves, it’s because like the moon that orbits the earth, the earth orbits the sun, the sun orbits the center of Milky Way… so he orbits following the attraction of gravitational force inside his universe, all laughing and smiling bright just for him—his Baekhyun. Baekhyun is laughing and it’s such a sight to behold that he wants to see again. “Because I want to erase your past and write our future.”

“Even better—I happen to have a permanent pen as well if you want,” Baekhyun laughs as he quickly retrieved an abandoned pen lying on the table near their landline telephone, teasing Chanyeol just so he can see him burst out laughing. For all the times the tall man made him laugh, he only wants to make him laughing too. “Let’s write books about us!”

For a moment Chanyeol freezes, trying to process what Baekhyun said until not a second later he guffaws, stopping his steps just so he can crouch down on the floor after getting his knees weak from too much laughing. He doesn’t know why he finds what Baekhyun said is so funny, but as he shrugged in his mind he knows it’s just because he finds everything simply gets better if it’s from Baekhyun. “That’s another good one, Hyunnie. I’ll take this pen with me then.”

“Thank you, Yeol,” Baekhyun chuckles, smiling fondly at the laughing tall man currently clutching on his arms as a support. This time his chuckle is caused by the way Chanyeol is laughing freely with no care to the world, and it’s okay—Chanyeol is his world, and when the tall man is happy, then he’s happy. “I only learn from the best, from you.” 

_Pretty Hyunnie, stop a while  
Pretty Hyunnie, talk a while  
Pretty Hyunnie, give your smile to me  
Pretty Hyunnie, yeah yeah yeah_

_Pretty Hyunnie, look my way  
Pretty Hyunnie, say you’ll stay with me  
‘Cause I need you, I’ll treat you right  
Come with me baby, be mine tonight_

Following the rhythm, Chanyeol uses his index finger to do a beckoning gesture towards Baekhyun a few times and stealing a caress here and there on Baekhyun’s cheeks that successfully make the small man to laugh heartily.

Then as the signature barreling guitar riff solo part comes, Chanyeol does the guitar lick movements with an invisible guitar on his hands and a seducing look complete with his lopsided smirk on his face in display for Baekhyun. He knows he might look silly, but hey, what’s the matter of being silly if it means hearing his Baekhyun laugh?

“Go Chanyeol, go Chanyeol, go Chanyeol!” Baekhyun automatically chants, hyping his favorite guitarist up. Even though it’s just an act, everything still comes down to the fact that all the moves Chanyeol does always take his breath away. If he’s about to act according the lines of the song Mr. Orbison and Chanyeol are singing, he’s actually supposed to look like he’s playing coy, or at the very least, indifferent. But he can’t resist giving Chanyeol his best smile and his body turning to follow wherever Chanyeol goes, since really, who could restrict their eyes from being glued to the perfect sculpture God himself created as known as Park Chanyeol, that also happens to be _his_ as well?

“I love you, baby.” Chanyeol smirks as he blows a kiss that Baekhyun catches with his hand, slightly jumping as if he was catching a baseball with his mitt that earns both of their laughter. Satisfied to the way he has all of Baekhyun’s attention on him, he prepares to deliver the next lines.

“Are you sure you’re not tired?” Chanyeol starts again with the pen Baekhyun gave placed safely in his t-shirt pocket and more of his cheesy lines coming through as he continues revolving around his brightly smiling Baekhyun, finally recovering after laughing so much from Baekhyun’s reply for him. “You’ve been running through my mind all day.”

“I’ll never be tired, since wherever I walk or run to, I’ll always come back to stay in your mind and rest in your heart.” Baekhyun smiles as yet again he returns Chanyeol’s teasing easily, feeling tremendous warmth in his heart at the small but touching gesture of Chanyeol keeping the pen he gave him. Then he finally lets out his laughter when he sees the tall man guffawing loud for the second time.

Observing the half kneeling Chanyeol almost crumpled on the floor next to his feet from the force of his laughter, Baekhyun gets an idea. He puts on a disinterested look on his face and with a stern voice he says, “But you should really get out of my mind.”

The laugh Chanyeol is letting out suddenly gets stuck on his throat, almost choking him, Then as he slowly tries to stand up on his own, he splutters, “Hyunnie, what—” 

“And fall into my arms instead!” Baekhyun cuts Chanyeol short, taking his turn to laugh out loud again at the way Chanyeol plops down to the floor for the second time to sulk for a moment just like the time when he pretended to leave. But still he hurries to give Chanyeol a bear hug and a kiss on the cheek—he can see how Chanyeol is so innocent and believes his words so much. “Don’t worry, Yeol, I’m just teasing you.”

“Hyunnie…” Chanyeol breathes out, hugging Baekhyun for another minute. Closing his eyes, he can feel his heartbeat slowing down into a steady pace… ready again to make Baekhyun smile and laugh again. Then he lets go of the hug, and with a smirk he says, “Ready for more?”

Again Baekhyun laughs, not only because Chanyeol’s offer for more cheesy lines while dancing to Mr. Orbison, but also because he can see Chanyeol smiling—even having his lopsided smirk again—back to his cheery self. “Of course I am, let’s go for more!” 

“Oh wow. Did the sun really come out at eight in the evening or did you just smile at me?” Chanyeol continues again, as he tries as much as he can to look like he’s currently staring directly at the sun, slightly squinting and covering his eyes with his hand when he’s only nearing his head to Baekhyun’s to see Baekhyun’s smile closer—while still laughing at the way it’s now Baekhyun who has better cheesy one-liners than him.

“I don’t know about that but it seems like the sun really rises at this time of the night judging by the way I can feel its warmth in your presence and your hugs.” Baekhyun grins, laughing and pretending along with Chanyeol by placing his hands over his eyes, slightly shielding them with his hands and acting as if the sun’s shine got into his eyes.

Seeing Baekhyun’s very convincing act and the way Baekhyun manages to match their words can only make Chanyeol laugh more. So while he puts on an act of a confused person asking for a book in the library, he continues, “Are you a dictionary? Because you’re adding more meaning to my life.”

“Well, you can really say I’m a dictionary, because I’m here to show you all the adjectives that I associate with you. Intelligent, amazing, astonishing… and any other adjectives that correlate you to all the great things, basically,” Baekhyun chuckles as he reaches his hand up to touch Chanyeol’s face, to brush some strands of blue hair that gets in his way from seeing Chanyeol’s right eye before tucking it gently behind the ear. “And I’m also here to remind you of the definition from those adjectives just so you won’t ever forget at how great you are.”

“Okay, Hyunnie, you won, those are just too good—well even so you’re definitely not a book, those webpages telling me all these cheesy lines are potentially problematic, really—but still my point is, you _do_ give more meaning into my life,” Chanyeol reconsiders after hearing Baekhyun’s much better lines, for a moment cursing the internet in his mind. Then as he laughs along with Baekhyun, he follows Baekhyun’s lead and starts to list off his favorite adjectives for the small man who’s currently having his arms as his support to keep him from falling to the ground. “For an example, for how you are pretty, beautiful, handsome, gorgeous, smart—”

“It’s fine, Yeol, I can be a dictionary and you can be thesaurus!” Baekhyun laughs again, both at how he sees Chanyeol’s adorable way on blaming the harmless webpages and Chanyeol’s way of reciting the adjectives with his lips jutting out and face looking like a five years old thinking so hard about which ice cream flavor he likes. He’s so, so close to roll out on the floor from the way Chanyeol doesn’t give him a chance to stop laughing, if it weren’t for Chanyeol holding his arms to keep him standing upright. “We’d be sitting side by side in the library’s bookshelves.”

“I thought being a book—a clearly unmoving and lifeless thing—and getting stuck forever in a shelf at a library is the worst thing ever, but if I can be thesaurus and you as a dictionary—having you as my partner too—it seems like so much fun now.” Chanyeol quips after a second thought, which earns him another laugh and several agreeing nods from Baekhyun.

“Hi there,” Chanyeol greets with a smile, starting his lines again with this time feigning a look as if he’s just passing by in front of Baekhyun, even though they’re still laughing at their previous dictionary and thesaurus talk. Then arranging his face to look as unfazed as ever like he’s asking for how is the weather, he adds, “How was heaven when you left it?” 

“Empty,” Baekhyun easily replies, letting his laughter to grow even louder while wiping a tear that made its way out of the corner of his eyes from too much laughing. He knows how Chanyeol is going to say he’s the angel, but it so happens he also knows how to turn the saying around, to say Chanyeol is the angel too. Then with his hands gesturing towards Chanyeol as if he’s presenting a famous art painting in a museum exhibition, he adds, “Because the one and only angel is here, standing right in front of me.”

In a millisecond, the smirk on Chanyeol’s face turns into a pout. “But—but I meant to say _you_ are the angel—”

Baekhyun laughs again, this time at the way Chanyeol can transform himself from a hot looking guitarist with all the sweet lines pouring out just five minutes ago into a worrying cute five years old kid in just a second. This is another reason of why he also can’t resist giving Chanyeol his heart too. “And so are you, Yeol.”

To that, Chanyeol knows there’s no word that’s able to be the right reply when _thank you_ is no longer adequate in describing his gratefulness, but for him to give his whole heart and his most genuine smile directed for Baekhyun and for him only. As he readies himself to sing the next line with Mr. Orbison, he changes his expression into a sad one, with a pout that makes him resemble a five years old begging for his teddy bear. Then as he keeps his body facing Baekhyun, he starts to walk backward in an act of defeat, distancing himself again while singing the next lines.

_Pretty Hyunnie, don’t walk on by  
Pretty Hyunnie, don’t make me cry  
Pretty Hyunnie, don’t walk away_

_Okay, if that’s the way, it must be okay  
I guess I’ll go on home… it’s late  
There’ll be tomorrow night_

Having listened to the famous song for a lot of times back at their university days, sharing a bud of the earphones with Chanyeol as they studied and sat side by side, Baekhyun knows the next lines and what to do next. Slowly, he walks closer to Chanyeol, amused smile never leaving his face and his body nudging gently and hips sashaying to follow the rhythm of the song.

Happy that Baekhyun walking closer to him meaning the small man still remembers the lines, Chanyeol continues to sing and again changes his expression, now into a convincing look of shock in wonder—not that he has to fake it, he always has been amazed by Baekhyun every day anyway. So in turn, it’s his time to hype up Baekhyun. “Go Hyunnie, go Hyunnie, go Hyunnie!”

“I love you, baby.” Baekhyun smirks, imitating Chanyeol’s previous line, blowing kisses that the tall man greedily catches and keeps in his pocket.

“Sorry, but excuse me, I’m lost and I really don’t know where else to go,” Chanyeol starts again with his lines after Baekhyun arrived in front of him, while he has his hands holding out one of the newspaper laid on their coffee table, acting as if he’s checking a large map in front of his face. “But while you’re here, maybe you can give me the directions to your heart?”

Laughing at the sudden appearance of a tall and lost tourist in front of him, while putting on a know-it-all look in his face, Baekhyun simply answers, “Then you should just stay wherever you are.”

“Why should I?” Chanyeol asks, maintaining the confused tourist look on his face as much as he can while trying to hold back his laugh.

“My heart always goes to you,” Baekhyun explains, chuckling while he takes the newspaper from Chanyeol’s hands, folding it neatly before placing it back on the coffee table next to his feet. Then he places his palm flat against Chanyeol’s chest to feel the steady heartbeats on his hand, instantly feeling himself getting calmer. “It’s your heart that pulls me in. So, because wherever you are is the place me and my heart belong, you just need to stay with me.”

“Okay really—without question I’ll stay with you,” Chanyeol laughs, the touch of Baekhyun’s palm on his chest alone can help himself relaxing. As he takes Baekhyun’s hand from his chest to hold it tight, he kneels down with his right knee as his support, making him to look like a knight standing on his sword asking for a prince to come back to his castle with him. Then he adds, “If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?” 

“No.” Baekhyun replies, pretending to look stern as if he’s mildly annoyed, hiding his fond smile behind the cover of his other free hand.

Without thinking much, the indifferent look on Baekhyun’s face turns the curl of Chanyeol’s smile down, his lower lip jutting out and a frown making an appearance on his face. “Why?”

“In that context if I be your nothing, then it’s only me who lasts forever. Forever is cool but alone forever without you isn’t. So, I’d rather for _us_ to be just like the word _nothing_ just so you and me can last forever,” Baekhyun laughs, explaining his trail of thought while grinning in victory as he manages to get back at Chanyeol’s lines. “Am I right?”

“Okay, for a second thought that’s a whole lot better. How are you always able turning my words into better ones?” Chanyeol laughs, pout and frown swept away to give way for his smile that brightens his face, his hands clapping in appreciation as Baekhyun gives him a show of a bow. There it is, another thing he admires from Baekhyun, the way the small man sees more into something to find better things hidden behind—not only in jokes like this but also so many other things. “I didn’t think of it much after roughly skimming that Google result page. You indeed are always walking one step beyond me.”

“Just continuing where you left off, Yeol,” Baekhyun replies, smiling as he pulls Chanyeol’s hand to help the tall man stand again, this time keeping his hands holding both of Chanyeol’s hands. “It’s all still your magic and I’m taking you to walk with me, anyway.”

“Thank you, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol replies gratefully, grinning at both the words Baekhyun said for him and the tight grip of Baekhyun’s hands on his. Only Baekhyun who can turn all those cheesy lines into something more beautiful and heartfelt for him… only _his_ Baekhyun.

“Welcome, Yeol.” Baekhyun smiles as he slowly sways their linked hands and draws tiny circles on the back of Chanyeol’s hands with his thumbs.

_But wait! What do I see?  
Is he walking back to me?_

Even though Mr. Orbison is just singing about Baekhyun walking closer to him when Baekhyun is already in front of him, still Chanyeol extends his arms, offering his hug for Baekhyun to snuggle inside. Again he puts on his smirk, playfully teasing Baekhyun again with a couple more beckoning gestures, laughing at how he’s doing everything—literally _everything_ —just to make Baekhyun happy and smiling.

Seeing the fond smile on Chanyeol’s face and Chanyeol’s welcoming wide arms, to Baekhyun, it feels like walking back home. He can only laugh at how silly they are right now, but he’s more than willing to carry out the entirety of being silly if it means he can see Chanyeol laughing and grinning with his eyes bright and shining from happiness. So when he finally buries himself in Chanyeol’s hug, he sighs contentedly, “Hi again, Yeol.”

“Hi again, Hyunnie.” As Baekhyun arrives in his arms, Chanyeol pulls the small man into a tight embrace. It feels like the warmth of a home is back in his arms—truly the personification of the saying _home is where the heart is_. Then as he looks down to Baekhyun’s smiling face, he sings the last line of the song.

_Yeah, he’s walking back to me  
My pretty Hyunnie_

And for one last time… Chanyeol has the best cheesy one-liner saved for the last. Maintaining an act of a confused man while trying to hold back his laughter, he asks to the small man in his hug, “Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist and we’re moving to Mars soon, right?”

Only laughing and without answering to the question, Baekhyun tiptoes as high as he can to reach Chanyeol’s lips, kissing the tall man who immediately loops his arms around his waist. After he lets go of the kiss, he finally gives Chanyeol the answer with a wink and a kiss on the cheek. “Wrong.”

“Guess I’d say that more often now,” Chanyeol chuckles, keeping Baekhyun in his arms while straightening himself again after he was pulled down by the way Baekhyun kissed him. “And I’ll try to be wrong all the time.”

“You don’t need to get it wrong for me to kiss you, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs, as he rests his head on Chanyeol’s chest, causing his left cheek to be slightly squished against it. Then he looks up to glance at Chanyeol’s face. “I’ll kiss you anytime you like… and anytime _I_ like too.”

“Can I get another one now, then?” Chanyeol teases as his smile turns into a smirk. But his smirk is only half formed when suddenly he’s surprised by Baekhyun who actually tiptoes and kisses him again, deeper and longer this time. He’s completely not expecting his request to be granted so quickly. Then as he chuckles, after finally woken up from the enchantment Baekhyun’s kiss contains, he continues, “I hope you find my rendition of Mr. Orbison’s song and my ever cheesy lines for you entertaining.”

“Entertaining? Yeol, that was super fun and absolutely entertaining! Thank you for making me laugh,” Baekhyun replies, still chuckling both at Chanyeol’s amusedly surprised face and at Chanyeol’s beautiful singing and hilarious one-liners that are currently repeated in his mind. “And thank you for the song too. Really, thank you for getting me to listen to your old songs playlist since we were still in university. Now I fall in love more and more with them each day.”

“You’re welcome, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol replies, grinning wide and proud of himself to be able to make Baekhyun laugh a lot. Then a second later, his mind comprehends fully the last sentence Baekhyun just said. “Wait—what about me?”

“I love you more than ever too, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs as he looks up to see Chanyeol’s face and having the sight of the pout and the cute jealousy Chanyeol is showing him, that he can only laugh more at, his stomach hurting in the most pleasant way from laughing too much. “You don’t have to be jealous over anything—or anyone, that’s the most important—really.”

“But still…” Chanyeol says as he continues to pout with his head lowering slightly to look as if he’s sad, when it’s just him trying not to laugh. He’s not really _that_ illogically envious of his own playlist—which he still has to admit contains really good songs—but it’s no more than his trick just so he can hear Baekhyun avowing his love for him in his honeyed voice that he’s so fond of, again and again.

“Yeol, I’ll always choose you over anything else,” Baekhyun smiles as his arms that were circled on Chanyeol’s waist move higher for his hands to be able to gently caress Chanyeol’s back repeatedly. He has seen Chanyeol’s puppy side for numerous of times, but he’s still smitten, every single time he sees it. Then as he pouts back to tease Chanyeol, he coos softly, “Come here, my giant, pretty baby.”

Seeing the ducky pout Baekhyun shows him, Chanyeol knows he can’t miss his chance. Quickly he kisses Baekhyun’s pouting lips, earning him Baekhyun’s embarrassed laugh. “My tiny baby, my pretty Hyunnie.”

“My cute Yeol,” Baekhyun coos yet again after the red flare on his cheeks as the effect from the sudden kiss has subsided. This time he slips his hands into Chanyeol’s embrace just so he can place them on both of Chanyeol’s cheeks to squish them gently, which earns him a happily scrunched face from Chanyeol. Then he remembers something the tall man said in the beginning of the song, so he decides to ask about it. “Oh also, you talked about a mission before you started singing. What’s the mission is about?”

“It’s just me carrying out my everyday special program, really,” Chanyeol replies simply, smiling while in turn he has his hand resting on Baekhyun’s face, cupping the cheek gently. And when he sees a confused puppy look on Baekhyun’s face, he explains, “Making you smile. Next is making you laugh heartily with no care to the world. Then for you to be able to literally do just anything happily. All with me.”

“Thank you, Yeol,” Baekhyun replies after a minute of them just looking at each other, exchanging small smiles that both know relay more thoughts and feelings of love more than words or touches can ever do. “Thank you so much.”

“It has been my mission since so many years ago, it’ll be my greatest, one and only lifework,” Chanyeol replies, now with his thumb softly rubbing patterns of circles on Baekhyun’s cheek. “And it’s me who should thank you for letting me try to make you happy.”

“Well, it’s easy—let me do my own mission and I’ll be happy.” Baekhyun suddenly says, smirking as he inches closer on Chanyeol’s torso, hands slowly swarming all over the expanse of Chanyeol’s chest and body.

“Your own mission? What is it?” Chanyeol asks as he lets Baekhyun crawl on top of him, anticipating for maybe a kissing session or something hotter than that… all the while absentmindedly wondering why Baekhyun’s hands are starting to move downwards to his sides…

“Let me tickle you!” Baekhyun replies as his hands stealthily find their way to poke and nudge Chanyeol’s ticklish spots. Chanyeol might thought it’s just him kidding around, when it’s truly his real mission—to have the tall man smiling wide, laughing loudly and being purely happy with him, too.

Chanyeol lets Baekhyun to do just that, and though Baekhyun doesn’t say it to him, he knows what’s the small man’s true intention behind the playful tickles of his fingers from the gentle touches and the fond look on his eyes—so laughing along with a happy heart he does.

After they’ve collapsed back on the couch, still laughing and eyes brimming with mirthful tears, Baekhyun finally starts the original thing they were intending to do. “Let’s call Jongin and Kyungsoo now then.”

“Okay, let’s call them now, wait up,” Chanyeol says, as their laughter dies down. Then he takes out his phone and dials Jongin’s phone, putting it on loudspeaker for Baekhyun to listen. “I’ve texted them and they seem to be just as great. I hope they’re still as fun as I remember.”

On the second ring, someone picks up the call. Using his cheery voice, Chanyeol starts, “Hi, Jongin! It’s Chany—”

But before Chanyeol can finish his sentence, a sound greets him first. “ _Hello Chanyeol, this is Kyungsoo speaking, Jongin is at the toilet doing—_ ”

A loud _Hey!_ that sounds so much like Jongin’s voice interrupts him. Then sounds of someone laughing softly—Chanyeol is sure it’s Kyungsoo’s—and phone being transferred to another set of hands follow.

“ _Sorry for that, Kyungsoo likes to torture me by exposing every embarrassing thing I do to the whole wide world apparently. What’s up, Park?_ ” Jongin greets, his voice light and cheery.

“Hi Jongin, are you seriously from the toilet?” Baekhyun asks, before Chanyeol can say anything, with no embarrassment whatsoever despite this is the first time he ever spoken to Jongin, chuckling to himself.

“Hyunnie!—” Chanyeol’s eyes widen, he knows it’s such a Baekhyun thing to do but he still can’t believe Baekhyun just asked a very weird first question ever to Jongin.

There’s a background sound of Kyungsoo sniggering before Jongin replies, “ _I did, but I was just washing my hands, but oh Park! Who’s there with you? Who’s Hyunnie? Are you Park’s boyfriend? Hello it’s Kim Jongin and Do Kyungsoo—_ ”

“ _Now_ Kim _Kyungsoo—_ ” Kyungsoo corrects, that earns an _Oh right, you’re my husband_ from Jongin, that continues into an adorable squabble where Kyungsoo reprimands Jongin for not remembering his husband, that Jongin retaliates with how he only remembers Kyungsoo scolding him for calling him _Kim_ before they got married, so he somehow got the habit to call him with _Do_ instead of _Kim_.

The side bickering makes both Chanyeol and Baekhyun laugh, because it reminds them of themselves. Then Chanyeol clears his throat to interrupt the couple in the other side of the line. “Yes, Hyunnie—I mean, Baekhyun is my boyfriend, but excuse me—”

“ _Ooh! Park Chanyeol’s got a boyfriend! Hi, we have so much to tell you the embarrassing and silly stories of little Park Chanyeol!_ ” Jongin finally says with the tone of a detective about to uncover a mystery he just solved, after he and Kyungsoo ended their bickering, only paying attention to Chanyeol’s boyfriend.

Chanyeol’s laugh abruptly stopped. Now he’s halfway regretting his choice, he’s so done under these two. “These two are still the same ones as I know.” He mutters, and at this Baekhyun’s laugh grows louder.

“Guys! Please, I’m your hyung, why can’t I get some respect from my juniors!” Chanyeol frets, half wanting to laugh and half wanting to bury himself deep down with the endless teasing from the duo that surely will embarrass him in front of Baekhyun.

“Hello, I’m Byun Baekhyun, nice to hear you guys, I’m the true hyung here, but no need to call me hyung,” Baekhyun introduces himself while trying to stifle his laughter, happy to find another comrade to help him tease Chanyeol.

Actually Baekhyun heard so much about the little Chanyeol tales from the times he visited the Parks, where Mrs. Park indulged him in everything little Chanyeol used to do, but he still wants to know about little Chanyeol from the eyes of his friends. So he adds, “Also I can’t wait to hear about how silly little Chanyeol is, must be cute.”

There’s a sound of something smacking against a hard surface, and Baekhyun glances to his side to see Chanyeol face palming himself with force. “Way to go, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol fakes a defeated face at Baekhyun, which earns a set of warm laughs from him. “Way to go.”

“ _Ooh, hello there Baekkie hyung! Park, you’re no fun, I’d rather call Baekkie hyung with hyung rather than you._ ” Jongin says cheerily, disregarding Chanyeol’s request, as Kyungsoo at the background adds, “ _Hi, Baekhyun hyung._ ” 

Baekhyun finds it cute that from their choosing of nicknames he can pretty much differentiate their personalities. So as he silently pulls his tongue at Chanyeol who seems to be thoroughly done with the two on the other side of the line, he greets them back. “Hello, Jongin. Hi, Kyungsoo.”

After that, Jongin wastes no time to fire sentences, complying Baekhyun’s request. “ _Let me tell you about when a six years old Park, despite being afraid of ghosts, went into a spooky, empty house we were all scared of just to rescue three little kittens and he—_ ” he says merrily, starting to laugh.

“ _—and he came out almost crying from fear, but hugged the kittens like they were his kids, it was funny,_ ” Kyungsoo adds, laughing softly with his gentle, low-pitched voice, balancing Jongin’s loud laughter. “ _And also that one time when nine years old Chanyeol fought the bullies to protect a little boy and he—_ ”

“ _—and he got out badly bruised and crying, but he managed to save the little kid’s lunch, smiling triumphantly despite his tears!_ ” Jongin finished with a relish, as he dissolves into more laughter.

Even from the start of Jongin and Kyungsoo’s stories Baekhyun already burst out laughing, and the cute ending gets his laughter more amplified. He’s fascinated by the way both Jongin and Kyungsoo always, _always_ complete each other’s sentences, but in different intonations; Jongin with his cheerful voice and Kyungsoo with his deep, calm voice. He turns his head to Chanyeol who’s face-palming himself again with his left hand and right hand holding the phone. He laughs at the sight, fully well knowing with this rate, after the call Chanyeol’s forehead is going to be so red.

Frankly, Chanyeol loves the way Baekhyun’s face is creased with laughter lines, it’s a beautiful sight—the kind that arrests time and takes his breath away—even though it means embarrassing himself, but they have business to take care of. So, In the midst of three people laughing, he decides to just put the cat out of the bag to shut them all up. “Jongin, Kyungsoo, please, I want to talk to you guys about wedding arrangements for me and Baekhyun.”

That shuts both Jongin and Kyungsoo, who immediately go _Ooh, congratulations!_ at the same time, followed by Jongin’s constant blabber about how Chanyeol was never lucky in the scope of having a love life, and Kyungsoo adds into the pile with how Chanyeol must’ve sold his soul to found someone as ‘cute-sounding’ as Baekhyun.

“ _I can’t believe our Park is grown up now, Soo!_ ” Jongin says in a proud tone, as if Chanyeol isn’t older than him and Kyungsoo and is their one and only son.

“ _I’m glad you finally found the one, I’m so proud of you, Chanyeol. Congratulations for you and Baekhyun hyung._ ” Kyungsoo says, agreeing with Jongin.

Chanyeol was about to reply his gratitude for the silly duo on the other side of the line when Kyungsoo cuts him. “ _Jongin, now you owe me ten thousand won, Chanyeol managed to snatch a groom before our fifth wedding anniversary._ ”

“Wait a second—what? You guys put a bet on me?” Chanyeol says in disbelief, while Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are laughing heartily, with Jongin quietly whining about how he can never win against Kyungsoo in the background.

“ _Sorry, Park, I was just playing with Kyungsoo a few years ago,_ ” Jongin says sheepishly. “ _I didn’t expect him to remember though!_ ” He adds, as if it’s enough to console Chanyeol.

The exchange that just happened really makes Baekhyun can’t stop his laughter. Jongin and Kyungsoo’s radiant personalities alone can support a circus in his opinion. He can imagine how loud the Kim’s household will be when they have children.

“ _We should meet each other soon, Baekkie hyung!_ ” Jongin says, and Kyungsoo’s _Yeah, we should, Baekhyun hyung_ follows after him. Baekhyun dotes on the affectionate nickname Jongin gave him and the way Kyungsoo seems to respect him so much, to the point he’s smiling from ear to ear.

“Sure guys, I can’t wait to see you two in flesh. Now let’s hear what Mr. Park has to say, shall we?” Baekhyun says in a slightly exaggerated voice officials always use in TV, coming to the aid of Chanyeol, who’s currently struggling to say something over Jongin and Kyungsoo’s constant teasing to him and can only laugh at his own expense.

At Baekhyun’s words, Jongin and Kyungsoo stop their side bickering and chuckle. “Okay!” They say in unison, but again, in amusing way where they said it with different tones that allows people to separate who’s who.

Taking the invisible microphone from Baekhyun once silence is regained, Chanyeol proceeds to clear his throat before he continues, “Thank you guys. Now that we can talk business, I want you guys to help me organizing our wedding.”

Baekhyun glances at Chanyeol, whose eyes as soon as the word _wedding_ comes out of his mouth, grow into the size of UFO saucers and on his face a big smile appears, like a kid devising a trip. He can’t believe how a hopeless romantic Chanyeol is, but he can also see how much love those eyes radiate, and he’s honestly so happy to know it’s all for him.

“ _Are you really giving us the honor?_ ” Jongin responds immediately, his voice somehow more cheery than ever. “ _We’re so glad to take on the job. Right, Soo?_ ”

“ _True. Don’t worry, we will make sure everything is splendid and goes well for your special day. Jongin and I will personally handle every single details._ ” Kyungsoo assures.

“I know we can always count on you. Just send me all the bills I have to pay, okay? Thanks, guys.” Chanyeol replies, thankful for the two who manage to help him from the days he was a mere lonely four years old, until now when he’s already twenty nine years old getting ready for his own wedding with his own best friend—who’s currently still laughing and conversing with both Jongin and Kyungsoo about another secrets a little Park Chanyeol once had.

“ _We’re ready to set up meetings, from venues, food and decorations—_ ” Jongin elaborates happily, starting to list what he and Kyungsoo can do after he, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun finished talking and laughing about little Chanyeol.

“ _—to suits or tuxes, flowers, invitations, live music and basically everything. And because you two are our best friends, you don’t have to worry about payments. We’re giving you special prices—_ ” Kyungsoo adds.

“ _—or discounts, as you know it._ ” Jongin adds yet again, earning a _they know what a discount is, Jongin_ from a chuckling Kyungsoo. Baekhyun really thinks that both of them are clairvoyants now, judging from how synchronized they are, like they know what’s the other have in mind.

“Thank you so much, Jongin, Kyungsoo, we appreciate your help a lot.” Baekhyun replies, with Chanyeol humming in agreement. He’s still in awe at how Jongin and Kyungsoo manage to finish each other’s sentences right away, without missing a single beat.

“ _Alright, we’re on it tomorrow and I will call you again later after I set up some meetings for the necessities, alright Park?_ " Jongin asks. “ _And oh, merry Christmas and happy new year!_ ”

“We’ll be waiting. Again, thank you so much, see you later soon.” Chanyeol confirms, glad everything is settled and ready to roll.

“Happy new year to you two, thank you so much, good bye!” Baekhyun waves all the same to the phone, even though neither Jongin nor Kyungsoo can see it. Chanyeol smiles at the sight, he has been observing Baekhyun’s reactions and he’s already so happy from seeing the excitement on Baekhyun’s face and the loud laughter Baekhyun is letting out.

“ _See you guys soon, especially you Baekhyun hyung. Merry Christmas and happy new year, hope it will bring you two a new life together,_ ” Kyungsoo says earnestly. “ _So, it’s—_ ”

“ _—it’s Jongin and Kyungsoo signing out, good bye!_ ” Jongin adds, earning a chuckle from Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol hangs up the phone, and turns his head to look at Baekhyun. After he slipped his phone back to his pocket, he pulls Baekhyun’s body closer to rest on him. “So, what do you think?”

Baekhyun sees another gap for a joke to get back at Chanyeol’s constant teasing. He puts on his faux serious face, mimicking what Chanyeol usually has when he’s being cheeky, and replies, “I can’t believe you’re such an adorable puppy right from the start.”

“What—Hyunnie!” Chanyeol protests, as his smile turns into a slight pout. He knew it—he dreads the moment when Jongin and Kyungsoo together finally meeting Baekhyun. The three musketeers’ teasing will put an end to his royal seat of teasing regime. He then alternates to stealthily try to tickle Baekhyun. “I meant about Jongin and Kyungsoo.”

Baekhyun laughs, sweeping away Chanyeol’s easily seen hands with one push. “Okay, okay! You were so cute and brave, you know.” that earns him a _Thank you, I know_ and a kiss on his cheek from Chanyeol.

“And as for Jongin and Kyungsoo, they’re definitely super cool. To hear them finishing each other’s sentences all the time, so adorable.” Baekhyun adds, sighing contentedly, eyes wandering to look back at Chanyeol, body automatically finding its way to fit Chanyeol’s. It reminds him of that time when they were getting their tattoos…

“That’s what two years of marriage and dating since early college days do to you,” Chanyeol replies, pulling the blankets to cover them before giving a soft kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead. “Can’t wait to have my own share of being silly newlyweds with you.”

“I thought we are already one?” Baekhyun quips not even a moment later, smiling thoughtfully as he reminisce the memories of him and Chanyeol being inseparable even from when they were just best friends eleven years ago. “For ten years we’ve been one… since our university days, actually. Right?”

That catches Chanyeol off guard, sending him into a fit of laughter that ends with him coughing, to the point Baekhyun has to clap his back several times while holding his own laughter. So as they smile at each other, he replies, “A hundred percent right. No truer statement has ever been made in the world other than that.”

Then suddenly Baekhyun wiggles himself out of Chanyeol’s hug, he has a little idea. Walking to the music player Chanyeol installed next to the TV, he flicks through the song list, and found what he’s looking for. As he walks back and slots himself inside Chanyeol’s hug again, All-4-One’s 1993 ballad song _I Swear_ floats to fill the space of their apartment.

_I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky  
And I swear like the shadow that’s by your side  
I’ll be there_

The song Baekhyun chose seems to be appropriate for the current event, since they now have a wedding coming up, where they’ll soon be saying their vows and swears to be at each other’s side for a lifetime. Looking at his baby smiling mysteriously in his arms, Chanyeol chuckles. “Why all of a sudden?”

“Nothing, I just want us to listen to this song. It reflects what I feel right now,” Baekhyun says as he adjusts his position on the couch. To him this is one out of his many ways to remove any doubt from Chanyeol’s mind, to show how deep his love is for him and how nothing is going to change it. “Besides, it’s about us, the moon and stars in the sky.”

As he lies back on the couch, Chanyeol watches Baekhyun affectionately tucking them back into their blankets and rearranging the pillows behind his head. He understands why Baekhyun chose this song, even though he’s already completely assured Baekhyun’s heart is always his. Looking at Baekhyun’s face… he’s more reminded to the fact that this is the person who without knowing infuses inspiration in everything he does, who makes him want to do everything with his best, and who teaches him to be brave—the person who deserves everything. Then, the song Baekhyun chose makes him think of something. “Never be afraid to take a leap of faith, to take a chance.”

“Let’s say, what if I fall?” Baekhyun hypothesizes, as he makes his way to lie on Chanyeol’s chest and draping Chanyeol’s arms over himself. Seeing the way Chanyeol is going to reply quickly and sensing a joke coming his way, he chuckles, “Are you going to say you’ll catch me whenever I fall, like those cheesy lines?”

_I see the questions in your eyes  
I know what’s weighing on your mind  
You can be sure I know my heart_

“Even better, I’m one step beyond those romance movies,” Chanyeol says triumphantly, earning him a chuckle from Baekhyun. Then he chuckles at the way Baekhyun is making a fort of his own with his arms, nestling himself into his hug. “I’ll be there with you as arms that secures you safe _and_ I’ll be your trampoline. If you fall I’ll catch you and bounce you back to rise up again, I’ll make taking chances and falling fun for you, like—”

“—Like us taking the chance to love so happily.” Baekhyun finishes, finally remembering the words engraved on the rings that circle their wedding fingers. He can only smile as his heart goes warm just by looking at Chanyeol. This is the man who taught him to be fearless and just do what his heart tells him to.

Smiling fondly, as he squeezes Baekhyun’s body gently, Chanyeol replies, “Exactly, baby.”

Then he leans down to kiss Baekhyun’s lips deep and languidly, taking his time to savor the feeling of having butterflies in his stomach that always comes every time he gets to kiss Baekhyun.

Returning the kiss passionately, Baekhyun slowly crawls his way up Chanyeol’s body to ease his access to Chanyeol’s lips, without his lips ever leaving Chanyeol’s, sucking each lip lightly. Then he lands himself on top of Chanyeol’s torso, his legs folded at each of Chanyeol’s sides.

Chuckling at the way Baekhyun responds his kiss, Chanyeol wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s body to pull him closer. He keeps his hands softly running on Baekhyun’s back. “Baby…”

With their current position, Baekhyun keeps his hands tucked between their chests, gripping Chanyeol’s shoulder and caressing Chanyeol’s cheek. “Yeol…”

_‘Cause I’ll stand beside you through the years  
You will only cry those happy tears  
And though I make mistakes  
I’ll never break your heart_

“Yeol,” Baekhyun breathes out between his kisses, loving the way Chanyeol’s hand is grasping his nape, grabbing his hair once a while. Then he changes the angle of his head and kisses Chanyeol again. “I love you.”

“I,” Chanyeol kisses Baekhyun’s mouth, paying attention to gently bite Baekhyun’s lower lip, pulling it and taking his time sucking it. Detaching his lips off of Baekhyun’s for a second, he breathes out, “Love you,” then he kisses Baekhyun’s lips again, giving the same treatment to Baekhyun’s upper lip. “So much, baby.”

The sensation of getting kissed thoroughly and with utmost care by Chanyeol beats any other feeling—it’s his lucky token that he keeps wherever he goes, like a pocketful of sunshine stored near his heart. The way Chanyeol always kisses him until they’re panting breathless when there is just the two of them, the way even from a slight good luck kiss from Chanyeol in the morning as he rushes to the office for important meetings really brings him luck and helps him to work better, the way Chanyeol always takes his time to leisurely take care of his kisses for him until his lips are prominent red, and the way Chanyeol’s lips love to grace every inch of his body…

They part for a moment to take a breath, while still keeping their foreheads sticking. Then out of nowhere, Baekhyun starts to chuckle that prompts them laughing into each other’s mouths, shaking the couch with their laughter.

“What?” Chanyeol asks between his laugh, not knowing why Baekhyun suddenly chuckles as he’s laughing solely because of the shake of Baekhyun’s body is tickling him.

“Are you going to be a trampoline for me? For real?” Baekhyun laughs after their kissing session ends, finally noticing Chanyeol’s choice of word. Then as he feigns a nonchalant look on his face, he pinches Chanyeol’s cheeks and tries stretching it. “Nah. You’re not elastic enough.”

As he tries to let go the clamp of Baekhyun’s fingers on his cheeks and ears, with one hand Chanyeol moves Baekhyun into the space next to him on Baekhyun’s initial position at the couch and cuddles the laughing man again. “Excuse me—”

“Well, even though your height fits.” Baekhyun suddenly adds, with his cheeks bulging and eyes turning into crescents from the effect of his laughter that grows louder from Chanyeol’s distorted face that’s caused by his pulling. He loves playing and stretching Chanyeol’s cheeks and ears as much as the tall man does to his.

Mouth gaping at the comment Baekhyun gave him and at the way Baekhyun seems to be unable to stop his amused laughter, Chanyeol huffs. Baekhyun really got him this time—wait, he has an idea.

_For better or worse, ‘til death do us part  
I’ll love you with every beat of my heart  
And I swear  
I'll be there_

“Don’t you know my arms _are_ trampolines for you?” Chanyeol asks as he puts on a faux horrified look as if he just found out Baekhyun doesn’t know the sun comes from the west every morning. Then slowly he gets out of their cuddling position as he gives Baekhyun his mischievous smirk. “Wanna try?”

“Try? What do you mean?” Baekhyun asks, genuinely confused by the question. As his laughter is reduced to a small smile, he turns his head and has his eyes following wherever Chanyeol goes. “Wha—”

Not bothering to explain or to let Baekhyun finish his sentence, Chanyeol crouches next to the couch, slips his hands under the still half-lying down Baekhyun’s underarms and knees, and lifts the small man up effortlessly in one try.

“Yeol! Put me down in this instance!” Baekhyun laughs, as he tries to find a grip on Chanyeol’s shoulders, still shocked by the sudden raise up from the couch that’s happening in less than fifteen seconds.

“Don’t you say you want to try?” Chanyeol says as he puts an innocent look on his face. Then without warning, he tosses Baekhyun’s body up, laughing as he sees Baekhyun’s surprised puppy face.

_I’ll give you every thing I can  
I’ll build your dreams with these two hands  
We’ll hang some memories on the walls_

“Park Chanyeol!” Baekhyun yelps as a laughing Chanyeol sends him into the air. “Chanyeol—I swear—I’m going to—”

“Going to what?” Chanyeol teases, feigning oblivious of the threat Baekhyun tries to give him, as he catches Baekhyun in his arms again. Having Baekhyun in his embrace, hearing Baekhyun’s loud laughter and seeing Baekhyun’s ray of smiles… On this very earth he’ll build heaven with his two bare hands for Baekhyun, to make his angel happy for always.

Circling his arms tightly around Chanyeol’s neck doesn’t really help as Baekhyun feels the swish of the air when he flies up, and the feeling of getting his heart leaping out of his chest when he falls back to Chanyeol’s secure arms. “Get you—”

Chanyeol only laugh more as he tosses Baekhyun for one last time, enjoying Baekhyun’s laugh ringing in his ears and mixing with his, filling the space of their apartment and his heart. “I got you first, baby.”

Baekhyun doesn’t have any other reply to the seemingly plain but actually touching words Chanyeol said to him, so he only laughs louder as he tightens his embrace to hug Chanyeol closer. Being in Chanyeol’s arms, getting floated up in the air and come back down to see the tall man looking at him with so much love… He’ll never trade this paradise of him and Chanyeol with anything, or anyone, else in the world.

_And when just the two of us are there  
You won’t have to ask if I still care  
‘Cause as the time turns the page  
My love won’t age at all_

The song ends in time as Baekhyun decides to steal a kiss on the lips from Chanyeol, earning him a kiss attack on all over his face from the tall man that makes them laugh heartily.

Slowly Chanyeol lets Baekhyun down from his arms and walks to the paused music player. After scrolling for a few seconds, he finally finds what he’s looking for. Then, Earth Wind and Fire’s 1978 classic R&B soul jam _September_ , starts to play.

“It’s the last night of 2016, we should close the year with a dance,” Chanyeol suggests as he reaches out his hand for Baekhyun, who’s currently back sitting on couch. He’s feeling like he’s basking in so much warmth and just so elated to have Baekhyun with him, hence the groovy song he picked for tonight. There’s actually another reason Chanyeol why chose this song—the day Earth, Wind and Fire wrote about in the lines is the same day as the one when he and Baekhyun finally let their hearts converse and share promises to be together. “And it’s my turn to choose a song for us to listen that speaks what I have in my mind right now.”

“Alright, let’s listen to what you have to say.” Baekhyun smiles as he takes Chanyeol’s hand in his. Never for once he can resist Chanyeol’s requests for three reasons: the song Chanyeol chose is one of Baekhyun’s favorites as it actually corroborates to a day in their life—first, the date mentioned in the song coincides with the day when their life took another turn and they wrote a new chapter in their book; second, it’s his _Chanyeol_ asking, no explanation needed for this reason; and third, how can people reject such innocent request when Chanyeol asks so brightly, happiness pouring from his eyes and smile. 

Feeling Baekhyun’s grip on his hand instantly brings a smile on Chanyeol’s face. So quickly he pulls Baekhyun to stand. “Okay, so we’re going to—” 

Then suddenly an idea comes into Baekhyun’s mind. So after Chanyeol pulled him up from his seat, without warning he pulls the tall man by his hand to follow his steps and leave their living room to reach the balcony. “Let’s go!”

“Wait—where are we going—” Chanyeol asks, chuckling as he trails behind Baekhyun and let the small man pulls him wherever he wants. His initial plan is to have them just dancing around the living room, facing each other and holding hands. But it seems like Baekhyun has another idea in his mind, and somehow he knows it’s going to be good one.

“Trust me,” Baekhyun says as he gives a glance at Chanyeol with his smile that seems to hold a secret. Then he slides open the French doors that lead to their balcony, guiding the way for him and Chanyeol. “It’s going to be better.”

_Do you remember the twenty first night of September  
Love was changing the mind of pretenders  
While chasing the clouds away_

_Our hearts were ringing  
In the key that our souls were singing  
As we danced in the night  
Remember, how the stars stole the night away_

There’s a reason why Baekhyun wants them to go out to their balcony. Knowing Chanyeol suggested what the tall man called _year-end dancing time_ to make him happy makes him to want to add his own touch of happiness for them. So now it’s his turn to make Chanyeol happy, and for this one the skies is going to help him. As they step out to the balcony, through the opened French doors that let the night wind blows softly through their limbs and ruffling their hair, he points up to direct Chanyeol’s sight to the sky above them. “Now look up.”

“Fireworks…” Chanyeol says slowly as he tilts his head up slightly, observing the colorful bursts in the sky as he inhales the cold winter air. What Baekhyun told him is right—it does get better. Baekhyun makes everything better, to be exact—with the permanent warmth of Baekhyun’s presence and their linked hands, he almost couldn’t feel the low temperature December offers for them.

“Aren’t they wonderful?” Baekhyun sighs contentedly, head craning up and eyes wandering to take all the views in. It’s not much, just the onyx black sky interfered with occasional show of new year fireworks, noisy blinking lights from office buildings, another apartment complex and the busy night traffic, but with Chanyeol standing right by his side… everything gets better.

“Yeah, they are.” Chanyeol says, but he’s not talking about the sky and doesn’t need to look up to see it, he can see it all mirrored much more beautifully as the colorful twinkles on the sky of Baekhyun’s dark mahogany eyes. Seeing the innocent wonder in those eyes as the small man observes the night sky, he really can’t help but to wish again how he wants to be Baekhyun’s sky too.

“And the stars too. Look,” Baekhyun says as he points further up to their south, too busy looking up for the things he wants to show for Chanyeol to notice the way Chanyeol is no longer looking at the sky and is sending him fond looks and a soft smile. The luck is on his side, the sky has his surprise for Chanyeol. “That’s—”

“Sirius, the brightest night sky star in Canis Major,” Chanyeol continues quickly, smiling as he points his index finger up at the same direction as Baekhyun’s. He sees the dog star’s tail even before Baekhyun pointed it out for him and he knows exactly what Baekhyun is going to say, he still remembers them talking about it quite a time ago. Then he moves his finger to their right. “And even though we can’t really see it now, up from there in your right you’ll find the giant star Betelgeuse in Orion’s shoulder,” he moves again his finger, this time to their left. “While in your left you’ll catch Procyon, the brightest star in Canis Minor. The Winter Triangle.”

At the way Chanyeol said the words he has in mind, exactly the same words as the ones that years ago they’ve talked about while looking through their amateur type of telescope to inspect the stars at the very same balcony they’re at right now, and Chanyeol manages to remember it all… Baekhyun can’t find the right reply, his mind is too filled with astonishment as an amused smile slowly makes its way on his face. But really, hearing the endearing tone Chanyeol used makes him wish he can be Chanyeol’s stars too. “Yeol—”

“I know how you love the sky and stargazing,” Chanyeol replies easily, knowing what Baekhyun is going to ask. He might not know the whole stars in the constellations up and away at space, but he knows Baekhyun, and memorizes the constellations of everything that comprises Baekhyun just like he’s his sky. Then he brings up their linked hands before placing them on his chest, just right on top of his heart. “That’s just one among so many other parts of you that I keep inside my heart.”

As Baekhyun smiles at his grinning Chanyeol in front of him, feeling the calming thuds of the tall man’s heart on his palm, he can only form one thought. How really the things Chanyeol did and the words Chanyeol said for him are the luminous points of stars that constitute the constellation of his life’s happiness… and without saying, Chanyeol is his favorite brightest star.

Done inspecting the constellations above their heads and talking about their favorite star—Sirius—with more smiles, holding hands, and arms around each other’s bodies, they continue their dance, this time under the watchful bright eyes of the fireworks and the stars.

_Ba-da-ya, say do you remember  
Ba-da-ya, dancing in September  
Ba-da-ya, never was a cloudy day_

Then comes the _ba-du-da, ba-du-da, ba-du-da, ba-du_ bridge part of the song, and Chanyeol can’t stop himself to ask Baekhyun’s opinion about the doo-wop elements of the song. “Is it ba-du-ba or ba-da-bu—”

At the adorable sight of Chanyeol’s song composer self coming out, almost looking like a five years old kid finding a wriggling worm in the heap of earth he just dug in the way he’s getting genuinely intrigued by the song’s close harmony vocals using nonsense phrases, Baekhyun can only chuckle, smiling softly at the innocently interested face on the tall man’s face. But the fact is, it interests him too, so with a slight frown and a thinking face, he replies, “I think it’s ba-du-da, Yeol—”

“But I think I heard ba-bu-ba—” Chanyeol says again, his face showing his confused puppy look and his mouth unconsciously forming a pout while trying to say the seemingly complex syllables, but after seeing the way Baekhyun is trying so hard to suppress his laughter, he tries to nonchalantly dismiss himself. Realizing he must’ve sounded quite silly while repeating the random syllables, he tries to redeem his cool side with a teasing one-liner complete with a wink and his lopsided smirk. “Well, not that it matters to anyone. As long as I’m with you.”

To the sudden transformation Chanyeol has when the tall man said the last sentence, Baekhyun can’t hold back his laugh anymore as he completely dissolves into laughter, while finding a tight grip on Chanyeol’s arms to stabilize his stance and avoid himself from falling onto the balcony’s floor. Only Chanyeol who can turn from an innocent five years old asking about every single thing imaginable to a gallant gentleman in a world record of five seconds time—only Chanyeol that can make him smile and laugh this much. “Of course it’s only you, Yeol. Only you.”

“Only you and me,” Chanyeol playfully singsongs with his soft voice, as he places his hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder blade, pulling the laughing small man closer into him, slowly bringing them waltzing around. At the sight of Baekhyun laughing heartily, he breaks a wide grin on his face—he’ll gone through being silly just anytime of the day and he’ll do whatever it takes just to see Baekhyun smiling and laughing for always, anyway. “And me and you.”

_My thoughts are with you  
Holding hands with your heart to see you  
Only blue talk and love  
Remember, how we knew love was here to stay_

_Now December found the love that we shared in September  
Only blue talk and love  
Remember, the true love we share today_

“Thank you, Yeol.” Baekhyun blurts out as he tightens his grip on Chanyeol’s hand, almost tugging it. For obvious reasons, the fact that they’ve been together for ten years, almost going on their eleventh year, and the way Chanyeol is filling his every sense—the warmth of Chanyeol’s body enveloping his, the strong grip of Chanyeol’s hand holding his ever so tenderly, Chanyeol’s genuine smile directed his way only, Chanyeol’s deep voice and his cheery laughter, and Chanyeol’s minty aroma that he knew so well—he just wants to stay like this forever.

“Thank you for what, Hyunnie?” Chanyeol asks, stopping their swaying to focus on Baekhyun, watching the dark mahogany eyes intently. To him, if he could stop time just for once in his life, it would be for this exact moment, just so he can live in it and replay it again and again. Even so, after nearing eleven years spent with Baekhyun, he doesn’t want time to stop—he’ll spend another eleven years and even more than that with Baekhyun.

Then, after one look into Chanyeol’s stare into his eyes, a sudden wave of emotion washes Baekhyun away.

“There’s so much I need to say to you and so many reasons why… For being the only one who really know me at all, for always holding me close to you whenever I cry or fall apart, for always lifting me up even after the worst fall, for always believing in me and go through every day with me, for helping me to face my fears and make me brave instead of concealing me from the only way learning how to be courageous, for changing my perception forever of how I need you and that I don’t want to live all by myself anymore… Yeol—” Baekhyun replies, speaking fast as he wants Chanyeol to hear it all. He’s almost out of breath, his voice shaking and he can feel his hot tears making its way into his eyes. He doesn’t know what else to say when words aren’t enough, heart and soul wholly overloaded by a sudden rush of strong emotions for Chanyeol. And that’s when his tears start to fall. “For everything?” 

“Hey, Hyunnie… shush, there, there…” Chanyeol replies with his most soothing voice. After sensing the way Baekhyun’s body starts to tremble, he quickly pulls Baekhyun into his embrace, directing Baekhyun’s head to rest on his chest. Still maintaining his left hand securely around Baekhyun’s body, gently he cups Baekhyun’s cheek, hoping it’ll lessen the silent sobbing. He’s so worried, Baekhyun was fine and laughing a few minutes ago, what happened? “Why are you crying, baby? It’s okay, you can tell me.”

“I don’t know how to say it but… I just,” Baekhyun stutters as he tries to control his sobs, deciding to hide his face by burying his head in Chanyeol’s chest, with one hand fisting Chanyeol’s t-shirt and the other tightly wrapping Chanyeol’s waist. He can’t find the right words for what he really feels or to tell how grateful he is. “Chanyeol, I just love you so much. I don’t want to lose you, I don’t know what I will—”

“Hyunnie, listen to me,” Chanyeol immediately replies, cutting Baekhyun’s words off to drown the small man’s ramble. Baekhyun’s current state reminds him of when he almost broke down after Baekhyun accepted his proposal, and at that time Baekhyun helped him find his smile back and brought him to stand tall again. And now this is his turn to return the help, to keep Baekhyun safe when Baekhyun entrusts him by showing him his unguarded and vulnerable side of him underneath all the independent self Baekhyun always put up. Seeing the tears rolling down Baekhyun cheeks only makes his instinct to protect Baekhyun to rise even more. When Baekhyun stays concealing his face by hugging his waist even tighter, he gently clips Baekhyun’s chin to lift the small man’s face. With his soft voice, he calls, “Baekhyun, look at me.” 

At the mention of his name instead of his nickname, Baekhyun knows Chanyeol is going to say something serious, and usually something that he knows he doesn’t want to miss for how it will always be the kind of words that will be the aid to guide him—that he wants to treasure. So, slowly he raises his face up to look at Chanyeol’s face, and immediately he knows he’s right because when his eyes meet Chanyeol’s eyes, it doesn’t take long for him to search it when he finds it; the truth that Chanyeol will always stand next to him and he won’t ever walk out of his life.

“I’m not going anywhere, I’ll always be here for you and I'll constantly remind you of this every day,” Chanyeol continues softly, almost whispering, hoping his eyes speak louder than he will ever do. He’s so close to tearing up too, but he’ll be strong for Baekhyun. “I love you so much, Hyunnie. Never forget that. Do you know why? All the undeniably great things you constantly do every day and how you can teach me to keep on going and do better so effortlessly I can feel it in every gesture and every word that comes from you. The goodness that you bestow is always flowing out of you without ever running out, like a superabundance of enduring force to keep you and me in the right path every day. For you and all of that… I can never thank you enough. I can only love you, with all I have.”

To give his whole and to have Chanyeol returning it in an equal measure—even more than that if he were to calculate Chanyeol’s never-ending and limitless love for him—to Baekhyun, is all that matters, is all that he ever asked of this life. “Yeol…”

For the unknown territory of the days ahead, Chanyeol knows nothing. But he knows what he’ll do, for Baekhyun and for their future. Hands caressing softly but still holding Baekhyun’s back firmly, to ensure his words for Baekhyun are conveyed thoroughly for the small man, he finishes, “Just remember today and all the memories of us when we’re happy. I’ll make sure we’ll continue to create more of it. We’ll be happy.”

Being held so tight and hearing words so calming… Baekhyun can only melt more into Chanyeol’s arms, with his eyes only staring deep into Chanyeol’s and his own arms hugging the tall man’s torso tighter.

Inside out, Chanyeol knows how tough Baekhyun is. And when Baekhyun lets down his strong façade he always wear on his face for people to see, he finds how the small man is such a brave man with a tender heart. So, to see Baekhyun letting out all of those tears and raw emotions… it breaks his heart into pieces. Gently he wipes the trace of tears on Baekhyun’s cheeks, and he can’t help but grin at the way Baekhyun’s smile returns after he did it. “I’ve seen you for you and your beautiful scars, so let me heal the wounds and turn it into smiles. I’ll take your hand and I promise I won’t let you go. All I’m doing for you just so I can see you smile and laugh again. So… let’s do just that—let’s be happy.”

There he is, grinning wide, Baekhyun’s whole life—Chanyeol. Like a flower in spring, a smile blooms on his face from all the feelings Chanyeol brings for him right now—for the last ten years they’ve been together, actually, so without saying, he trusts the tall man for them to be just that. “Let’s be happy.”

Then in time for the chorus, they take turns in twirling and do the under arm turns, again with them laughing when it’s Chanyeol’s turn to spin under Baekhyun’s arm and yet again he has to crouch down to be able to pass while Baekhyun has to tiptoe and raise his arm up high. And as Baekhyun spins him around, laughing at how he has to bow a little bit… he thinks about how as long as he can make Baekhyun laugh, he can do just anything.

_There was a  
Ba-da-ya, say do you remember  
Ba-da-ya, dancing in September  
Ba-da-ya, golden dreams were shiny days_

_The bell was ringing  
Our souls were singing  
Do you remember every cloudy day_

_Ba-da-ya, say do you remember  
Ba-da-ya, dancing in September  
Ba-da-ya, never was a cloudy day_

“With you, I will—no, _we_ will be okay, we will be happy,” Baekhyun says as he repeats what Chanyeol said to him, smiling and nodding slowly more to himself than to anyone. Just by seeing Chanyeol standing in front of him can really make him smile—a true one, with genuine happy feeling inside his heart as the source. “Our happiness will chase the clouds away, there’ll be no cloudy day or rain of tears.” 

“We will. I promise you with all I have,” Chanyeol replies sincerely, his thumbs rubbing soothing patterns on the back of Baekhyun’s hand and his eyes fixed on Baekhyun’s, to make sure every word and every gesture only goes to assure Baekhyun of how true he is for him. Then, trying anything just to make Baekhyun at least feel okay again, he decides to add a line from Bobby McFerrin’s 1988 a cappella song _Don’t Worry, Be Happy_ , singing it along with its calypso tunes. “So don’t worry, be happy.”

Recognizing some fragments of the worldwide hit song and Chanyeol’s attempt to cheer him up, Baekhyun laughs. He’s genuinely happy, it’s really the only reassurance he needs. “Thank you, Yeol.”

“Look at that sweet smile and hear that laughter, there you go! Now that my happy Hyunnie is back, I can see sun’s most radiant shine coming through and butter yellow daisies blooming again,” Chanyeol grins as he brings his hands to cup Baekhyun’s cheeks, squishing it gently. There he is, smiling radiantly, Chanyeol’s whole life—Baekhyun. “Just smile, laugh and dance with me, and we’ll be happy, for as long and as much as we want.”

There’s only one thing that goes through Baekhyun’s mind, and it’s a continuous chant for God to let him keep Chanyeol with him. Then as he places his chin on Chanyeol’s chest while looking up to see Chanyeol’s eyes, he calls, “Yeol.”

“Yes, Hyunnie?” Chanyeol smiles as he brushes away a few strands of Baekhyun’s fringe covering the dark mahogany eyes, softly combing the dark chocolate hair with his fingers, while chuckling a little bit at how Baekhyun’s chin is tickling his chest.

“Thank you for reminding again of how being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect, it just means we’ve decided to overlook our imperfections and be happy with everything we’ve been blessed with,” Baekhyun says with a small smile, and after a few moments of them just looking into each other’s eyes he lowers down his head, placing it on top of Chanyeol’s heart to again listen to the calming heartbeats. “Life has blessed me with you and that makes me so happy, even more than that.”

“Thanks to you I realized how simple it is being happy, actually. I really don’t need to have everything in the world—money, gold, or any other expensive thing, really—to be happy,” Chanyeol replies, smiling fondly at Baekhyun who’s back snuggling into his embrace with his small hands adorably tugging on the back of his t-shirt. Then as he grins, he adds, “Well, it’s not that I don’t have everything already right at this very second, anyway.”

The logically opposite meaning in the sentences Chanyeol just said prompts Baekhyun to look up again, this time with a confused frown slowly appearing on his face as he thinks over the words again. “Wait, Yeol, but how do you have—”

“I have _you_ ,” Chanyeol casually answers in a zap, maintaining a straight face before he laughs out loud while enjoying the way Baekhyun’s puzzled puppy look turning quickly into an amused one complete with a hearty laughter after he said his reply. Then he lowers his face to give Baekhyun’s lips a sudden kiss, which also earns him a broad smile and another laugh from the small man—it’s been ten years of him listening to that sound and still he’s addicted to it. “Don’t you know you’re my everything?”

“Yeol, please.” Baekhyun laughs as he tries to cover his shy smile by lowering his head again and hugging Chanyeol more just so the tall man can’t see his tomato red cheeks.

“What? It’s true—after then years you should’ve known by now!” Chanyeol replies, laughing while being completely adamant to his opinion. Gently he takes a hold on Baekhyun’s cheek to lift the small man’s face again, smiling at the freshly picked strawberry color adorning Baekhyun’s cheeks. Then he smirks as an idea comes into his head. “As long as I have you, I have everything. Do you want me to prove it?”

“Okay, but how are you going to do it?” Baekhyun smiles, while replying the sudden appearance of Chanyeol’s lopsided smirk by giving Chanyeol a challenging look and a raise of his eyebrows. He knows whatever Chanyeol has is either going to be so serious it’ll touch his heart greatly or so full of fun it’ll make him laugh for a full five minutes, so he’s anticipating whenever the tall man said something like that.

There’s not one dare Baekhyun gives that he doesn’t accept, so with him only smirking and without saying anything, Chanyeol kisses Baekhyun again. Then as he detaches his lips from Baekhyun’s, he smirks and finally says his reply cheekily. “This is how—just one out of many, though—and if you’re still not convinced, I’ll do it again as much as it’s needed to make sure you know how you’re my everything.”

“Yeol!” Baekhyun laughs, playfully nudging Chanyeol’s chest with his arm just so the tall man can’t kiss him again. But when he sees Chanyeol letting down his guard, with a not-so-guilty smile he kisses him again while placing one of his hand securely on Chanyeol’s shoulder and the other grabbing gently Chanyeol’s nape to keep the tall man’s head close to his, just so he can deepen their kiss and return the touch of Chanyeol’s lips on his more passionately—even playfully nipping Chanyeol’s upper lip and gently licking the lower one, earning him the tall man’s low moans.

“Wow,” Chanyeol breathes out, straightening his body again after crouching down from the pull of Baekhyun’s hands and after Baekhyun finally disconnects their lips and gives him a satisfied smirk. He’s reminded again of how it only needs _one_ kiss from Baekhyun for him to fall in love all over again, ten times harder, because Baekhyun’s kiss holds so much things and feelings than a thousand kisses—not that he ever kissed anyone else other than Baekhyun, of course. Then he smirks, “After _that_ don’t tell me you don’t want me to kiss you again.”

“I do—” Baekhyun starts his reply, but he only gets a few seconds to say those two words before Chanyeol being quicker than the speed of light replies with a loud, triumphant whoop of _I knew it!_ and of course another sloppy kiss before he even finished his sentence. But he decides it’s time for them to leave the balcony before Chanyeol has them making out and freezing into statues. So after Chanyeol lets go of the kiss, with a chuckle he continues, “I do want you to kiss me again, Yeol, but not here, let’s get inside before the winter wind gets us frozen all over.”

“Alright, Captain Byun Baek—wait no, that’s technically incorrect—alright, Captain _Park_ Baekhyun!” Chanyeol exclaims delightfully, bringing his flattened hand to touch his forehead in an act of a salute, both the gesture and his sudden ramble earning him Baekhyun’s laugh. He can’t wait for the time when he can introduce Baekhyun as _Park Baekhyun_ to everyone soon. Then as he offers his hand, he continues, “You’re now engaged to me, a Park, so now you’re a Park too, get it? That feels good, isn’t it?”

“I get it, Yeol. And it’s not just good, it’s brilliant,” Baekhyun chuckles at the sight of his excited giant puppy grinning with his eyes wide open and how nice it is to listen _Park Baekhyun_ , which will be his official name soon. Without further ado, he takes Chanyeol’s hand, gripping it tight. “Let’s get inside, Captain Park Chanyeol.”

Then as the outro of the song comes on, Chanyeol leads them back into the apartment as they dance along to the last _ba-da ya da ya da ya_ chants of the song with them dancing around the apartment, from the living room to the kitchen before they retrace their steps back to lie on the couch again, laughing as they do so.

Under both the thick layer of their favorite quilt that acquired their scents and the secure arms of Chanyeol enveloping him warmly, Baekhyun feels safe. Even though they have unlimited amounts of blanket and bed coverings in their belongings, they mostly only use one to cover their bodies—Chanyeol’s idea, really. But then he sees Chanyeol shivering ever so slightly and sensing how the tall man is trying to hide it by wrapping his arms around his body instead. “Yeol, do you need more blankets? I can get another one from our bedroom right now—”

“No.” Chanyeol replies quickly as a cheeky smile rises on his face. In times of winter nights, there’s nothing better than them lying together and tangled with each other, with him having Baekhyun lying between his legs, Baekhyun’s back on his stomach and Baekhyun’s head resting on his chest… he feels genuine warmth just from that.

One look down to their legs reveals to Baekhyun clearly that Chanyeol’s feet are poking out. Not wanting Chanyeol’s toes to acquire frostbite, automatically he tries to get up and get a much larger blanket from their bedroom. “But this blanket isn’t enough for the both of us and you’re not even properly covered—”

“Let it be, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol cuts off as he quickly wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s waist to prevent Baekhyun from going anywhere. Then he snuggles himself closer to Baekhyun’s body, happily smiling and loving the way his left cheek are squeezed against Baekhyun’s right cheek. “This way I have an extra excuse to stay as close as I can be to you. So don’t go and just hug me, please?”

Even though in Baekhyun’s opinion Chanyeol needs to give absolutely zero reason to cuddle with him, he does agree to the reason Chanyeol gave him. And after seeing Chanyeol grinning so wide while closing his eyes and arms hugging him, he doesn’t have the heart to let go of Chanyeol’s hug and leave the tall man, even for just a second. So at the end he smiles to himself. “Alright, Yeol, alright.”

“Besides, how can I feel cold when I have someone as smoking hot as you here with me?” Chanyeol teases with a wink and a cheeky smile, and the couch shakes momentarily from their loud laughter. “But really though, you do give me warmth more than anything.”

“And so do you for me, Yeol,” Baekhyun smiles, snuggling closer to the confinement of Chanyeol’s arms after he’s back lying in the circle of Chanyeol’s hug. Then there’s something he has in mind that he wants to make sure, and it isn’t even a plain question anymore—not that he ever doubted this for once—it’s his most honest request. “And Yeol… You’ll stay with me?”

“Always… after all this time, it’s what my answer will forever be,” Chanyeol replies right away, probably not even a heartbeat later, as again he wraps his arms tighter around Baekhyun’s body, squeezing it gently and hugging the small man close. He hopes his eyes and the touches of his hands can forward the message of how Baekhyun doesn’t need to ask—he’ll always stay with him. “Until the very end.”

Baekhyun knows that those words is an easy answer that just anyone can say, but in all honesty… the unwavering look of earnest resolution to always fulfill his promises for him that’s mirrored boldly in Chanyeol’s eyes, which he will never find in anyone else’s, is all he needs. So as he finds Chanyeol’s hand to grasp it tight and intertwine their fingers close, softly he calls, “Chanyeol.”

Somehow in the slight difference aura of the way Baekhyun said his name and the firm grasp that feels as if the small man is asking his full attention and is going to say something serious, Chanyeol can sense something—even though he can’t place a name to it. “Hyunnie.”

“Please remember this. Trust me and believe me when I say this—wherever and whenever, no matter what happens… I love you. And I will always do,” Baekhyun says firmly, with one hand holding Chanyeol’s face and the other goes to place Chanyeol’s hand on his chest, while his eyes are staring intently and flitting between both of Chanyeol’s eyes. “For whatever will happen in the next days to come, I need you to know this, to hear this and to feel what I feel. For as long as long as forever goes—just as long as it takes—you have me with you and my love goes your way for always.”

“I trust you,” Chanyeol replies immediately, his voice just as firm. Now he can place a name to the thing he senses under Baekhyun’s words—his heart feels so warm and tremendously touched by the way Baekhyun is trying all his might to make sure he knows he has his heart for always, even though the small man doesn’t have to do it since he’s never for once let the parasites of doubt grow in his heart, and he has absolutely no plan to start doing so in the future. Then slowly he moves his head forward to kiss Baekhyun’s lips gently, again taking his time to leisurely take care each of the plump red lips, ensuring whatever he said for Baekhyun is conveyed through and through. “And I love you.”

For Baekhyun, the honest pledge placed in Chanyeol’s kiss, the sparkle of assurance in Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon eyes, and the fond smile on Chanyeol face—seeing and feeling it all again and again in ten years of his life—all of them shows him how it’s all enough, all said and done.

To Chanyeol, if time should stop for him right now, he would accept it without regrets—the feeling Baekhyun is giving him… such a peaceful kind of happiness.

Looking at the vintage round clock hanging on their wall, Baekhyun can see how there’s only less than one hour left before midnight and the change of the year will take place. Unconsciously he yawns, opening his mouth wide, before he tightens his arms around Chanyeol’s torso, momentarily squeezing the tall man’s body gently. “This is so comfortable. I can just lie here and hug you all day and night, Yeol…”

“Sleepy?” Chanyeol asks, smiling at the view of his small lion cub roaring softly with his mouth wide while snuggling himself closer to him, rubbing his chubby cheeks on his chest as if looking for more warmth. It’s amusing for him to know how Baekhyun can turn into a baby only when he’s with him, and that makes him unable to do anything but coo at the sight while he strokes the small man’s dark chocolate hair. “My baby.”

“Just a little bit, but not really,” Baekhyun replies midway his second yawn, while enjoying Chanyeol’s warm palm caressing his hair and being babied by the tall man. Then he nestles himself more into Chanyeol’s hug, taking his time to find his comfortable spot by wriggling around for a few times before settling himself on draping Chanyeol’s arms over his stomach, his head resting on Chanyeol’s chest and an ear placed near Chanyeol’s heart. “And I don’t want to sleep just yet. I just want to stay up with you. I want to listen to your voice and I want to spend more time with you. Besides, I can’t miss the last seconds I have of this year, do I?”

“That’s so sweet of you, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol chuckles, amused at the sight of the seemingly impossible combination of a sleepy grin Baekhyun sends him and the way Baekhyun looks like he’s making a home of himself with his arms. But he can also see the slight trace of tiredness in the creases of the adorable smile on the small man’s face, so he insists, “But I see how you need some sleep, Hyunnie. So now I pronounce this moment as my time to serenade my baby to sleep.”

A smile makes its way on Baekhyun’s face, both at seeing how attentive Chanyeol is at him and the adorable squishy look that appears on Chanyeol’s face when he said _my baby_ again. He really doesn’t want to sleep, but at the end he relents, even though it’s not because he agrees to sleep, he does it just so he can hear Chanyeol singing for him. “Okay. Let’s listen to your beautiful voice, then.”

After getting the permission to execute his plan, Chanyeol happily snakes his arms to wrap more of Baekhyun’s body, effortlessly lifting the small man for a moment to bring his body closer to him. With their bodies flush against each other’s, heads close, dark mahogany and dark cinnamon irises blending together, and smiles inches away, he knows it’s time for him to start singing.

_Love me tender  
Love me sweet  
Never let me go  
You have made my life complete  
And I love you so_

Then Chanyeol pauses his singing for a while. With his arms wreathed completely around Baekhyun’s body his hands can reach Baekhyun’s shoulders, so he opts on patting it slowly and gently so as not to startle the small man.

The soft pats of Chanyeol’s warm hand on his shoulder gives Baekhyun more sense of comfort, easing him slowly but sure to sleep. But then, for how the song Chanyeol is singing for him sounds so familiar in his ears, suddenly he rouses up from his lying position, now half sitting with Chanyeol’s arms still circling around him. Then after a few more seconds he realizes that he _knows_ the song—it’s the one he used for the story he lullabied Chanyeol with on the day the tall man proposed to him. “Yeol, this song is—”

“Elvis Presley’s 1956 ballad song, _Love Me Tender_?” Chanyeol cuts off, chuckling at the way Baekhyun almost jumped out of their couch and at the surprised look that appears on Baekhyun’s sleepy face. Just like the way Baekhyun loves singing him to sleep, reading him the stories and the poems of their hearts, it’s now his turn to do the same for the one he loves so much. For this one, he has the assistance of the famous American Rock and Roll singer. Still lying down with Baekhyun hovering above him, he reaches up to caress Baekhyun’s cheek for a moment. “Yes.”

Amused by the way Chanyeol cuts him off and replies with the correct answer, Baekhyun can only chuckle along, staring almost unbelievingly at the grinning tall man. He knows about the song’s title and singer, but he’s so curious as to how can Chanyeol choose the exact same song? “But that’s the song that I—”

“The song that you used for the base of the story you told me on the night of our engagement day?” Chanyeol cuts off yet again as his chuckle turns into laughter at the way his surprise makes the smile on Baekhyun’s face grows wider. Secretly he already knew about the song’s influence on the story when Baekhyun started reciting it, and even when he was so sleepy at that time. “Yes.”

“But—but how do you know?” Baekhyun laughs, his smile turning into a grin and his face showing astonishment at how Chanyeol accurately described what he has kept as a secret about the song. “I mean, I don’t even use the same words and I changed some parts of it—”

“I just… How do I say this? Oh right—I just _know_ , just like the way my heart knows how to love you.” Chanyeol replies simply as he sweeps a few strands of Baekhyun’s dark chocolate fringe away from Baekhyun’s forehead, carefully tucking them behind Baekhyun’s ear just so he can stare into the small man’s eyes better—and there’s nothing that can make him happier to give Baekhyun more surprises like this from the way he can see the happiness of the grin is reflected on the glistening orbs.

Again, Chanyeol proved to him that he’s the only one that can cut off his sentences to complete it with better words to form better sentences—it’s another form of surprise from Chanyeol that he gets to experience. So after a minute of just looking into Chanyeol’s eyes, flitting between the two dark cinnamon orbs and finding the cup of hot cinnamon with its strong taste of faith in the warm brew of love that always reside behind them, Baekhyun says, “I thought I can keep it as a secret in my heart for you, but as always, you know me too well.”

“I think I know why I can know you so well,” Chanyeol chuckles as he pulls Baekhyun down to lie again with him, while his hands are back on patting Baekhyun’s shoulder again, following the rhythm of their heartbeats. What comes into his mind is actually something that Baekhyun said to him when they slow danced on the day he proposed to him. “I simply know you just like I know myself. It’s just like what you said, Hyunnie. It’s when for so long we’ve spent time together, talking about what’s in our hearts and mind to the point we’re connected by the flow of our feelings and thoughts, where we’ve become pretty much just like our significant other’s self, like some sort of intuition shared between us, maybe?”

“Maybe,” Baekhyun smiles as he adjusts his position on Chanyeol’s embrace. He doesn’t know the exact science of human body, the psyche of human minds, or the way the inner force of instincts work. But maybe for this one, from the way Chanyeol can remember what he said word for word just like he does, and how he can also see the truth in Chanyeol’s small smile at him… he’s convinced what the tall man said is true. “It’s definitely it.”

A fleeting view of this night earlier when Baekhyun cried in his hug, asking him to stay with him with tears streaking his cheeks and hands clutching hard on his arms just a little over fifteen minutes ago suddenly flashes across Chanyeol’s eyes. It’s still weighing his mind and heart with worry, and even though he did all his best to wipe the sadness away, he still wants to do something to assure Baekhyun’s mind more. So as he gently pulls the small man’s body closer to him, he starts, “I love you, Hyunnie.”

“I love you, Yeol.” Baekhyun whispers as he closes his eyes for a moment, letting the strong waves of warmth of Chanyeol’s arms to seep more into him, engulfing him in its calming ocean. He’s somehow already feeling the want to cry again at the feeling of pure contentedness from the love inserted in everything Chanyeol does for him, and of how he loves Chanyeol so much.

Being so close and having Baekhyun wrapped in his arms, Chanyeol can breathe in Baekhyun’s all too familiar fragrance that he loves so much. And he also very well knows the exact essence of flower bouquets Baekhyun sprays daily onto his wrists’ pulse point and the jugular vein on his neck: English White Gardenia plucked at the finest dawn with its fresh, lively aroma that arouses his soul every morning along with the rising sun. So as he takes a deep breath, again smelling the sweet flowers blooming around Baekhyun’s body, he continues his singing.

_Love me tender  
Love me true  
All my dreams fulfilled  
For my darling I love you  
And I always will_

“I love you, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol whispers again while stroking and rubbing every part of Baekhyun’s body gently to give the small man more warmth. He smiles as he observes the way Baekhyun’s eyelids start to blink slower after each line he sang, the muscles of Baekhyun’s body relaxing, going pliant against his body and following the soft rise and fall of his chest, the mouth slowly forming into a pout—just like a sleepy puppy.

Getting lullabied by Chanyeol is the second most effective way to help him sleep, with hearing the muted but still reverberating nevertheless thuds of Chanyeol’s heart through their chests taking the first place, and having both makes Baekhyun ready to go to sleep. But then there’s something in Chanyeol’s deep voice whispering those heartfelt lines of the song for him that makes the fog of drowsiness in his mind to clear away, so he opens his eyes again, instantly meeting Chanyeol’s eyes staring down at him with a loving gaze shining from the dark cinnamon orbs. 

“Why are you getting more awake?” Chanyeol tries to whisper softly, not wanting to surprise the in case Baekhyun is really falling asleep. Even though at the end he lets out an involuntary chuckle at the way he can feel Baekhyun’s head gently nodding because of his sleep before abruptly tilting back up, clearly showing how much the small man wants to stay awake. “I want to help you sleep.”

“Well, how can I sleep when you’re showing me your best charm, and when you’re speaking to me such beautiful words with that deep, soothing voice of yours?” Baekhyun whispers back after he took a breath, smiling. Even though his busy Saturday morning schedule is almost draining all of his energy out, still he tries as hard as he can to keep himself awake, just so he can hear more of Chanyeol’s voice that he can never get enough of. Then abandoning his whispering act, in a much louder voice he adds, “And anyway, I can’t miss you singing for me, right?”

“But aren’t you sleepy?” Chanyeol chuckles, giving up his attempt to whisper as Baekhyun is already more than awake and is back to his usual calm self, smiling brightly at him and eyes wide open looking at him softly with dainty hands caressing his arms.

“No,” Baekhyun replies truthfully as he adjusts his head to see Chanyeol’s face better. Hearing Chanyeol’s soothing voice singing him ballad songs does make him calm and sleepy, but for that same reason it also makes him want to do nothing but to listen to it forever. “I’ll hear whatever you want to say for me, just whatever in your voice is fine, really.”

“Alright, let me tell you one thing, then.” Chanyeol smiles, this idea comes from the way Baekhyun told him a story midway reciting Mr. Cummings’ poem for him, so this time he wants to tell Baekhyun something midway his singing.

At the sight of an excited Chanyeol in front of him, Baekhyun smiles as he places his palm on Chanyeol’s chest, softly caressing broad surface. “What is it?”

“After you came along to walk beside me to find you always helping me in reaching my dreams _and_ granting all of my wishes through this journey, I only have one wish left,” Chanyeol says, deciding to let out what he wants to say when he sees Baekhyun smiling ever so softly at him. For this one, he remembers the words Baekhyun said when they danced after their engagement, about how Baekhyun’s only wish is to be happy, and that he made him happy already. “Just one more wish, and this time, it’s for you.”

“For me?” Baekhyun asks, pointing his index finger at himself with his confused puppy look. Then he chuckles when he sees Chanyeol nodding vigorously at him with his eyes and grin wide, looking exactly like a five years old excited to tell his secret. “Alright, what kind of wish is it?”

“My wish is for all of your hopes, wishes and dreams to come true, so you can be happy,” Chanyeol chuckles as he bops Baekhyun’s nose, before sneakily kissing Baekhyun’s lips that earns him the small man’s chuckle. “Because by then… I can be happy too. It’s a favorite paradox of mine after the Schrödinger’s cat, actually.”

“Is it funny to tell you a favorite paradox of mine that I’m already happy because somehow _you_ made my hopes, wishes and dreams come true as well for me?” Baekhyun laughs, after Chanyeol gave him another kiss, feeling amused at both the way Chanyeol still remembers what he said when they danced to Ms. James’ _At Last_ and at the mention of one of the thought experiments they sometimes spend time to talk about. “A not so complicated paradox that simply says how I’m happy if you’re happy. But here’s the only exception for us, if you’re sad… I won’t be sad.”

Even though Chanyeol doesn’t exactly know the reason behind Baekhyun’s last sentence, somehow he understands the gist if it and he just knows it’s another clever thing Baekhyun deciphered. So he fakes a pout, acting solely just so he can hear Baekhyun explaining what he knows is the best answer to him. “You won’t be sad even if you see me crying?”

“No,” Baekhyun replies certainly, again laughing as he enjoys the pout on Chanyeol’s face grows more prominent with the lower lip jutting out adorably, as if sulking at him. Only by when the tall man looks considerably like a five years old kid about to burst into tears did he decide to stop his teasing. So he “I won’t be sad because I’ll be too busy trying as hard as I can to make you happy again.”

It takes Chanyeol only a split second to burst out laughing at Baekhyun’s answer—he was right, the small man always has the best answers for him. “Very well said, Hyunnie. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Yeol. Everything I do, I do it all for you,” Baekhyun laughs, fingers now pulling and stretching Chanyeol’s cheeks just so he can see the tall man’s chubby grin. Then he realizes something from the words he just said—getting the idea from the way Chanyeol sang Bobby McFerrin’s _Don’t Worry, Be Happy_ for him—with his soft voice he sings a line from Bryan Adams’ 1991 soft rock song, _Everything I Do_ for the tall man. “Look into my eyes and you’ll see what you mean to me, search your heart and search your soul, and when you find me there, you’ll search no more.” 

“Look into my heart and you’ll find there’s nothing to hide,” Chanyeol automatically sings along to just one out of many songs he and Baekhyun love to listen with their earphones while cuddling in bed, while setting his voice to imitate Mr. Adams’ and his face to look as if he’s so absorbed in singing in front of thousands of people. “Take me as I am and take my life, I would give it all, I would sacrifice.”

“There’s no love like your love and no other can give me more love,” Baekhyun smiles as continues to sing the lines louder in his light, lyric tenor voice while harmonizing with Chanyeol’s bass baritone voice. Following Chanyeol’s lead, he also adapts a hilarious act of getting so immersed in his singing with hands reaching out dramatically and head shaking slightly, eliciting the tall man’s guffaw. “There’s nowhere unless you’re there, all the time and all the way.”

“You can’t tell me it’s not worth trying for, I can’t help it and there’s nothing I want more,” Chanyeol sings again, this time again putting on an act with his invisible electric guitar for the song’s solo guitar part. Delighted to hear Baekhyun’s silvery singing voice, he grins as he fists his hand to form an invisible microphone for Baekhyun to sing along with him, earning him the small man’s laughter. Then with his husky voice he continues to sing, “I would fight for you, I’d lie for you, walk the wire for you, and I’d die for you.”

The combination of their animated attempts on trying to be rock singers, their impersonation of Mr. Adams’s singing style and another impromptu karaoke session they’re having prompts them to laugh for a while—finally putting an end to their sudden rendition of _Everything I Do_.

“I meant it,” Baekhyun speaks again after their laughter subsides, as he huddles close to Chanyeol’s body with Chanyeol’s arms again wrapping around his torso. Then he smiles as he looks up to stare at Chanyeol’s eyes. “Every word of the song—I really meant it all for you, you know.”

“I know,” Chanyeol replies, smiling back at Baekhyun who’s again curling his body into his hug. Then he reaches his hand up to hold Baekhyun’s face for his fingers to gently poke the tiny dips of Baekhyun’s cheek created from the smile the small man has on his face, grinning wide to see the chubby cheeks pink with warmth and fully plump. “Because the same goes for me, Hyunnie. I’m just borrowing Mr. Adams’ words for you.”

Even though at the moment Chanyeol seems to be busy drawing invisible patterns on and playing with his cheeks, Baekhyun still can see the affectionate look under the playful smirk. He can only smile fondly as he observes and takes in the view of his happy Chanyeol who looks so contented only from caressing his face… both the sight and the lines of the song the tall man sang for him bring along a rush of warm feelings into his heart as a flash of that one fateful day from ten years ago comes again into his mind.

“It’s amusing to know that I’m the one who came to you first, at the first time we met, when we were only nineteen and now you proposed to me when we’re twenty nine…” Baekhyun trails off, this time his mind is musing on how they’ve finally reached another chapter, he still can’t wrap his head around the fact that he’s finally getting married to the one he ever loves soon. “It’s like ten years ago I started our story first and then ten years later you gracefully placed the cherry on top of the cake, a nice finishing touch for us.”

“If we really sit back and think about it… time rarely ever follows what our hearts want—it’s either running too fast when we’re having fun or dwindling so long when we’re itching for it to pass—but still, even with all of that, even with its strict boundaries and unstopping flow, time wisely gives us the exact moment for the right things to happen in its supposed slot when we _need_ it…” Baekhyun continues, as this time he raises up and turns his body around slightly, before he props his head with his elbow just so he can face Chanyeol. So many memories of them are coming into him and he’s just so grateful to experience each one of it. “Just like out of so many million people in the world I get to live in the same time as you and get the chance to _have_ you in my life.”

“To be able to turn the previously frightening tick of the clock counting down our days into the upbeat tempo of our laughter, and to witness the sun and the moon waltzing along with us in our mornings and nights as days turn into years… all with you, Hyunnie? It’s the chance of a lifetime for me,” Chanyeol trails off, speaking slowly as he observes the constellation in Baekhyun’s eyes that has him mesmerized since day one. “So I’ll make sure in more years to come, for every second we’re going to spend, we’ll make the best of it.” 

“Then my job will be making sure I’ll spend more time with you, Yeol. We’ll go on more days and create more memories together.” Baekhyun vows with a smile, assuring both by his words said in a light but firm tone and his hand softly squeezing Chanyeol’s. With his eyes, leisurely he traces every beautiful feature of Chanyeol’s face from the phthalo blue fringe that reaches the eyebrows, the neatly trimmed sideburns in a darker blue shade, the protuberant ears with one adorably folded as the tall man lies sideways, the strong defined jawline and the thin stubble covering the skin, the full red lips, the dots of the moles on the bulging cheeks from the grin and on the bridge of the puppy snout-like nose before going back to the twinkling dark cinnamon eyes.

“We will. We’ve come so far, do we, Hyunnie?” Chanyeol ponders, as he moves his hands to gently caress Baekhyun’s sides, keeping the small man secure. He’s still can’t believe it—he’s finally marrying the man he’s been in love with for ten years. Looking at Baekhyun’s face to take in the grace he can never get enough of, he can feel his smile gets wider as the sight of a smiling sweetly Baekhyun fills his vision. No matter how far he looks, his stare will always gravitates back to Baekhyun’s dark mahogany orbs and he’ll always find the same tender loving look shining from it. “Ten years. That’s a decade of you and me…”

“We do, Yeol,” Baekhyun smiles, his heart content just by seeing the fond look Chanyeol has for him. Then he lies back on Chanyeol’s arms, feeling warm as he feels the tall man’s arms automatically wrap his body again. “Ten years of so many things we’ve gone through together… and of course we still have more years to come, we still have a long way to go.”

“I remember the first time we met at Kyunghee, when we were just a bunch of misfits who knew nothing about each other,” Chanyeol laughs. Then he raises their intertwined hands up high above, in front of their faces, showing them their shining platinum rings. “And look! Here we are now.”

“Still a bunch of misfits, really,” Baekhyun pipes up thoughtfully, laughing along while Chanyeol has their hands moving around up in the air as if the tall man is brandishing a magic wand and casting spells. Then he curls up his body closer to Chanyeol’s, burying his head on the crook of Chanyeol’s neck. “But hey, at least we’ve got each other now.”

“Okay, true that, at least we’ve got each other now,” Chanyeol laughs, as he tightens his arms around Baekhyun, momentarily squeezing the small man’s body. Just like this, he feels so satisfied and so calm he can just relax for a moment, closing his eyes to feel more of Baekhyun in his embrace. “I can conclude that we’re really the greatest team that the world has ever seen.”

One glance at Chanyeol—with his face looking so peaceful, head snuggling into the space between his neck and shoulder, eyes closed relaxedly and nose nuzzling into his dark chocolate hair—Baekhyun has an idea for a surprise… a literal one. Then with a quiet voice, he whispers, “And we’re getting married next year… in five months.”

“Oh my god! We really are getting married _five_ months from now!” Chanyeol suddenly shouts, eyes springing wide open, completely startled by Baekhyun’s words. Somehow he still manages to jump up and down despite still lying down on the couch, effectively bouncing his and Baekhyun’s body around and almost making them fall over to the floor. In the blur of how time and the night changes, he almost forgot how he and Baekhyun will have a wedding next year. “We’re getting married—what’s five months multiplied by four weeks? Oh right, twenty— _twenty_ weeks, Hyunnie! On your birthday! It’s so soon and I’m so excited!”

“We are, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs, seeing the clear excitement and rush of adrenaline in Chanyeol making him like a five years old so happily playing on the trampoline, the tall man’s delighted movements really get some pillows flying and their blanket slipping from covering their bodies. “We’re getting married soon.”

“You and me, after such awesome ten—I repeat, _ten_ —whole years together, we’re really getting married!” Chanyeol laughs. He can feel his adrenaline pumping and streaming strong, it’s as if he could carry Baekhyun to the church right now and say their vows in the middle of the night with no witness—that’s just the kind of feeling to know that fact of marrying Baekhyun gets him. “I’m going to start a daily countdown right now!” 

“We really are,” Baekhyun laughs again while trying to hold on Chanyeol’s arms just so the tall man won’t fall down to the floor from all the bouncing. He can feel that thrilling sensation pouring out of his heart alongside bursts of happiness that fuel his wide grin—he’s just so in love with the idea of marrying Chanyeol. “Approximately a hundred and fifty five more days from now, Yeol.”

That succeeds to send Chanyeol jumping more in his seat while shouting _a hundred and fifty more days!_ for several times, this time with so much more energy until he actually slips down to the floor with a loud thud and has to be dragged back up by a laughing Baekhyun.

And after they’re back lying calmly on the couch, pillows back on the couch and blanket back covering their bodies, Chanyeol sings again.

_Love me tender  
Love me long  
Take me to your heart  
For it’s there that I belong  
And we’ll never part_

“I love you, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol says as this time he nuzzles his nose into Baekhyun’s head, inhaling the lemon scent while kissing the crown of the dark chocolate hair. He loves the way their own fragrances blend so well, it’s almost as if nature’s rare and precious aroma is captured perfectly in their scents.

“I love you, Yeol…” Baekhyun breathes out as he relishes the feeling of completely enveloped in Chanyeol’s warmth—with Chanyeol’s hands patting his shoulder and brushing his hair at the same time, Chanyeol’s arms around his torso, their bodies touching and legs tangling with each other’s. It’s the perfect recipe of their Saturday night—and just any other night, really. 

Then as it snaps Chanyeol so quick, like a fully charged thunder striking from the center of a raging storm right into his heart, a sharp pain needles into his head. He feels like the world is suddenly spinning on its axis too fast and as it stops abruptly, he feels like he’s losing his balance even though he’s lying on the couch with Baekhyun, completely not moving even for the slightest. He tries to hold his groan in but his mouth accidentally slips out a quiet groan. “Ah—”

The sudden low sound prompts Baekhyun to check on Chanyeol. Seeing the way Chanyeol is silently grimacing in pain, hand grasping his head that messes up his phthalo blue hair, he can feel himself panicking. “Yeol? Are you okay? Oh my god, you’re not okay—Yeol, are you sick? Are you feeling too cold? Wait here, let me fix you a quick hot cream soup and a mug of your favorite hot cocoa—and I’m getting more blankets— _no, Yeol, one blanket isn’t enough_ —I also have to check our first aid box for some aspirin, I’ve stored all basic meds there—oh! Also I’ll get you to the bedroom right now, I’ll carry you to bed, okay? I’ll take out your favorite sweater and maybe that thick jacket of mine—”

“Hyunnie—Hyunnie, baby. Baekhyun. Hello,” Chanyeol laughs, finally waving both of his hands to get Baekhyun’s attention back when the small man seems to be unresponsive to his calls and still continues his ramble, even now saying how he’ll set up a warm bath for him if he’d like as he tries to get out of his arms’ hold. “I’m totally fine, look,” he brings Baekhyun’s hand to his forehead to check his temperature. “I’m fine, don’t go anywhere. Your presence alone can cure any pain I feel.”

“So you _do_ feel pain? I knew it—you’re having a headache! Oh my god it’s my fault to get us out in the balcony when it’s _winter_ and it’s so cold outside—you’ve caught a cold, don’t you?” Baekhyun frowns, pout appearing with lower lip jutting out and cheeks puffed up. He feels so guilty, what if Chanyeol falls sick because of him? Then he tries again to wriggle out of Chanyeol’s now iron clad hug around his body. “I’ll get ice compress for your forehead too then and lots of hot packs, should I call the doctor too? Oh—oh! I’ll get your favorite snacks and chocolate chip cookies and if you want we can watch Harry Potter again or I can read you one of your favorite books to help you feel better—”

“Hyunnie, no—” Chanyeol laughs at how Baekhyun’s ramble only gets louder and more adorable. But then he’s reminded again _pain_ is a wrong word to associate himself with in front of Baekhyun, who’s now turning into a very concerned puppy with a cute worried look and a sad pout on his face. Now he feels a tad bit guilty and he tells himself not to say it again. So with both of his hands, he opts to hold Baekhyun’s wrist while cupping the small man’s cheek to keep him calm and seated down. “Listen to me. I. Am. Very. Fine. And very much healthy. And happy as well. So don’t go and stay with me, please? I want to sing for you.”

The way Chanyeol is begging with round pleading eyes and hands clinging on his arms succeeds in making Baekhyun to stop moving around. Even though still not convinced even for the smallest bit, reluctantly he lies down, slowly coming back to the cradle of Chanyeol’s arms. Then as he shows his pout again he replies, “Okay. But only with one condition, you will tell me straight away if you feel anything, even the slightest pain, alright? Promise me?”

This panic behavior Baekhyun is having isn’t an exaggeration, he has a strong reason: there was one time when Chanyeol kept secret about his stomachache because he didn’t want him to know in fear of worrying him. But that made Chanyeol forget to go to the doctor and only checked it when it got worse, and finding the tall man was having a mild case of appendicitis, which resulted in him having to undergo appendectomy to remove his appendix and got himself hospitalized for three days. So now with Chanyeol having what he deems as headache he can’t help but grow worrier than ever. He appreciates it really, how Chanyeol thinks about him so much, but he also wants Chanyeol to stay healthy and well.

“Yes, Mr. Byun Baekhyun, I will. I promise you,” Chanyeol chuckles, as he tightens his hug, having his arms completely wrapped all over Baekhyun to keep him lying still. When he feels the small man’s arms are back laced around his waist, he goes to kiss Baekhyun on the cheek and ruffles the dark chocolate hair before combing the strands with his fingers lovingly. “Now let me continue.”

_Love me tender  
Love me dear  
Tell me you are mine  
I’ll be yours through all the years  
Till the end of time_

“I love you, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol says as this time he gives a soft kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead, keeping his lips touching with the skin as he closes his eyes. When he opens his eyes again, he sees Baekhyun looking at him with his bright eyes, even when he can also see the way the orbs are clouded with sleepiness, the dark mahogany glint is still there, still keeping close watch on him with his tender, careful look.

“I love you, Yeol…” Baekhyun trails off, his voice so soft and just one tone above a whisper. There’s no denying himself, with Chanyeol filling his every sense he can feel himself slowly getting sleepy. But then he’s reminded again of how much he wants to listen to Chanyeol’s singing and to spend more time talking with him—especially how Chanyeol seems to have a faint headache so he has to keep an eye on the tall man. Then he slightly shakes his head for a moment, hoping the drowsiness somehow will be gone with a few shakes of his head.

“It’s okay, baby,” Chanyeol smiles when he sees Baekhyun trying so hard to stay awake by blinking his eyes fast and shaking his head like a puppy trying to dry their fur, making the small man’s dark chocolate hair messy, the fringe almost covering his half opened eyes. “Close your eyes.”

With Chanyeol’s words working just on him just like magic, even though in his mind worry is still running around, Baekhyun finally closes his eyes, with the tall man’s fingers brushing softly against his eyelids and the tall man’s smiling face as the last thing he sees before he submerges into the dim.

But even so, in the semi-darkness of his eyelids Baekhyun finds one more thing that’s always successful in calming his heart. And this time, he finds it among Chanyeol’s strong mint freshness, how he can still trace the trails of pure White Kahaia flowers that sleep by day yet awakes to show its blooms as the sun sets, filling the night air with a luminous floral scent and an enticing touch of spicy but creamy vanilla. And closing his eyes, being in Chanyeol’s embrace, listening to Chanyeol’s deep voice singing for him, and inhaling Chanyeol’s scent—he’ll repeat it again—it’s his home and their heaven.

Looking at the peaceful look on Baekhyun’s face, even with Baekhyun’s eyes half closed Chanyeol still can see clearly the contentment and comfort the small man is in—from the slightest hint of a smile on his face, the adorable way he’s curling his body and snuggling closer into his embrace even though they’re practically glued to each other, the intermittent soft tug and hand grips on his arms that are caused by the small man swimming in and out of his sleep, and the contented sighs that comes out along with intelligible murmurs that amusingly sound like _Yeol_. Even from just that he feels happy, to know the things he does with all of his might alongside all of his earnest feelings and genuine thoughts poured out for the person he loves so much makes _them_ happy too. 

Then as Chanyeol gently brushes Baekhyun’s fringe away with his fingers, he lowers his voice to his softest tone and he continues to relay Mr. Presley’s words for the small man.

_When at last my dreams come true  
Darling this I know  
Happiness will follow you  
Everywhere you go_

“I love you, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol whispers. Ever so slowly he plants another kiss, this time peppering kisses all over Baekhyun’s face before landing the final one on Baekhyun’s lips. And just like the spring flower Baekhyun is, it seems like the touch wakes Baekhyun up, as his eyes are finally opening up and his lips slowly curling into a sweet smile just like the way a sunshine yellow Daffodil blooms with its petals wide.

“I love you, Yeol.” Baekhyun whispers back, chuckling at the ticklish touches of Chanyeol’s lips on his face before he opens up his eyes to look at the pair of eyes that becomes the first thing he sees even before the sun rises up every day. Even when half of his mind is straying to another realm because of the overwhelming sleepiness, it’s still the one thing his mind can clearly think about. “I love you so much…”

It makes Chanyeol’s heart warm to listen to Baekhyun repeating those three words with so much sincerity in the tone even when the small man is half asleep. He can’t help but think about how much he loves Baekhyun for the nth time in the ten years of them together. So, he returns what Baekhyun said to him on the night of their engagement day, but in his own version. “Happiness will follow you, everywhere you go,” he whispers close to Baekhyun’s ear, getting the small man laughing lightly at again the ticklish feeling of his lips brushing softly against the earlobe. “And that’s all I need to know, because seeing you happy makes me so happy and by then… we can be happy together.”

“You know, Yeol, you’re right,” Baekhyun says as he lets out a small smile, with what Chanyeol just said bringing something into his mind and wakes him up. For now he’ll chant back the reply Chanyeol said to him, but with a bit of himself added only to remind Chanyeol again how he too plays an important factor in the formula of their happiness. “But I think I know exactly the right way to make sure happiness will follow me and how we’ll be happy together, something even better than what you said.”

“How?” Chanyeol asks with his eyebrows knitted, wondering at first if there’s something incorrect from what he just said and why Baekhyun only chuckles at his confusion.

“I’ll just take you wherever I go, I’ll hold your hands just so I can have you following me—no, it’s even better than that—I get to keep you walking by my side and I won’t ever let you go,” Baekhyun simply answers, grinning wide from ear to ear with his face bright as he proudly introduces his trick of words while seeing Chanyeol’s confused face transforms into an amused one. “Because _you_ , Yeol, are my happiness.”

“Nice wordplay right there, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol laughs when he realizes right away another hidden meaning of the saying. Then he takes a hold of Baekhyun’s hand, gripping it tight. “Then I’ll follow you—I’ll be with you wherever you go. So by then, we’ll be happy wherever we go.”

“We’ll be happy wherever we go.” Baekhyun chants back even more determined as he grasps Chanyeol’s hand tighter. For some people, repetition can be boring and useless—but not for him because he knows for some certain things, repetition is needed—him and Chanyeol, they repeat love every day because they fully understand it takes a constant and unabating stream of love for it to stay _and_ to keep it alive. People tend to forget the last part. Some things do stay, but only for it to wilt, wither away, and gone cold forever.

“I don’t care how far we’ve come or how long we’ve been together, I won’t stop doing all those small nice things for you, I won’t stop flirting with you by sending you the cheesiest lines ever just to make you laugh, I won’t stop telling everyone how you are mine, I won’t stop sending you compliments and letting you know how much you mean to me whether by saying it to you or through texts,” Chanyeol suddenly says, laughing. Somehow he feels an urgency to say it, wanting to assure Baekhyun how though life and his physical body might change, his love won’t—and of course, to hear Baekhyun laughing too. “I won’t ever stop showing you how much I love you—just like the way I always do since ten years ago.”

“It really never gets old,” Baekhyun laughs along both at Chanyeol’s words and at how those words simplify what he just had in his mind. Again for the millionth time Chanyeol shows that side of him that seems to be able to read his mind, saying it out loud for him and knowing exactly what to do. Even after ten years he’s still impressed and it’s not without a reason, though—Chanyeol just continues doing wonder, finding new things to do that make him love him more and more each day. “The feeling of truly seeing, hearing and feeling the love you’re constantly giving back to me in every second and in every way I never thought is possible, just right after I thought I gave you every single piece of love I have for you… I appreciate them all more than you know. Thank you, Yeol.”

For that reply Chanyeol gave him… to Baekhyun the word _thank you_ is already not enough to be the response. So he chooses to give Chanyeol a soft kiss, pouring all of his feelings into his touches while closing his eyes and stopping everything he does just to focus all of his senses to _feel_ Chanyeol.

Complying with Baekhyun’s kiss, Chanyeol goes pliant against Baekhyun’s smiling lips on his, hands automatically traveling up to hold Baekhyun’s sides, stroking the small man’s hourglass body gently.

“Don’t you know what I said when we danced to Mr. Sinatra still applies until now? And until more years to come?” Chanyeol chuckles, “It’s a never-ending mission for me, to make sure you feel more than you think is already the best—to make you feel the happiest today and find yourself feeling even more happier tomorrow, to make sure you’re loved more than you think you’ve been loved. People tend to eradicate this one important factor, you don’t just receive love and that’s it, you’re done. No, for me, I’ll keep you always—”

“No, _we_ will keep _ourselves_ always experiencing love and happiness in any second we were given in this life, in a way we’ll never get bored or tired. I’m going to love you in ways no one could ever do,” Baekhyun cuts Chanyeol short, as first he points his index finger at Chanyeol before he points back at himself and placing his palm on Chanyeol’s chest right above his heart—signaling how they’re in this together. “Don’t forget how it’s all you and me, okay? Don’t forget about yourself—I’ll never let you.”

“Hyunnie… you just— _you_ , as always—you keep on filling my days up with wonder, my heart with so much of your love, and making words vanish from my head for how speechless I am… I don’t know what else to say or do when you’re just so good at—so great at—” Chanyeol finally says, stammering, he can’t even finish his sentence even after a few minutes passed with him just shaking his head softly and smiling in sheer amazement while staring at Baekhyun, who’s laughing at him. To know that he will always be loved, to know that he will never be alone and to witness the proof of it with his own eyes… he’s more than grateful—Baekhyun and every good thing he continually brings along are all he ever asked of this life.

“Yeol, if only you know how precious you are and how much you’re worth every best thing the world offers… you don’t know how everything I’ve said are just small fractions of what my heart feels from loving you. You don’t know how whenever I look into your eyes, the stars seem to lose its place in the sky, how I could have the whole Milky Way, but only in your eyes away I drift and in your arms I just want to sway.…” Baekhyun chuckles softly, as he stares back into Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon orbs, with his hands reaching up to touch the crown of Chanyeol’s head and caress the sleek phthalo blue hair gently.

“Lucky is still lacking of a word to tell how grateful I am for life’s crazy yet beautiful design to put your hand in mine. Every day can be such an amazing day, all unexpected and I’ll always feel the thrill of waiting what kind of surprise you have for me. That’s the fun only you can bring.” Baekhyun continues, laughing heartily at the sight of Chanyeol unblinking at him, so transfixed on his words.

The only thing Baekhyun wants in the world is for Chanyeol to realize how precious he is—not just to him, but to everyone else as well—and he hopes everything he says and does for Chanyeol will be able to make sure the tall man knows about it. Then, he teases, “Well—if you really don’t know what to do—just kiss me then.”

After Chanyeol turned his head momentarily just so he can discreetly blink back his tears, which are caused by the touching words Baekhyun said to him, he turns his head to look at Baekhyun’s smiling face and gives exactly what Baekhyun told him—he kisses the small man slow at first, only soft pecks on the lips before he goes in deeper as Baekhyun’s hand on his nape pulls him closer, their movements only interrupted by their need to take a breath, which gets them laughing in between their kisses.

“Thanks to you, our version of spending time on new year’s eve is so much better than anyone else’s,” Baekhyun says after Chanyeol detaches his lips from his and he gives Chanyeol’s lower lip one last peck, smiling. Then his smile blooms more as he traces Chanyeol’s lips with his thumb, feeling the moist texture of the plump red lips as it curls up to form a soft smile. “Thank you for the dance, the sing-alongs, the words, and the kisses. I’m so happy.”

“You’re welcome, Hyunnie. Just like how our simple paradox goes, I’m happy to see you happy,” Chanyeol laughs. Then his tone turns serious. “For ten years I’ve loved you… it’s always been like that. It’s really your magic in how you can change the way I think—back then, I do things just for the sake of finishing the task or even checking things out of the list just to get rid of it, but since you came into my life… whenever I’m doing something, if I know it’ll bring happiness for us, I can be happy and find the strength to do it well. And for that, ten years ago I loved you, ten years since I’m still so much in love with you, and ten thousand more years I’ll still be very much in love with you.”

“I’ve loved you since we were nineteen, I’m still in love with you now when we’re twenty nine years old, and I can say I’ll love you more even when we’re ninety something years old,” Baekhyun laughs, returning the wordplay. Then, with his heart feeling just so in love with the grinning man who’s currently hugging him so tight and warmly, without warning he kisses Chanyeol’s lips, which earns him Chanyeol’s laugh before the tall man kisses him back. “You make me happy by being your happy self. So keep doing whatever makes _you_ happy and whatever your heart tells you to do, Yeol, since I know that way, you won’t ever go wrong.”

“Thank you, Hyunnie. Will do,” Chanyeol smiles after he gives Baekhyun another deep kiss. To hear Baekhyun saying that and to feel the happiness coursing out of Baekhyun in his loving kiss, his shining eyes, and his gentle gestures… it all means his mission for tonight is definitely a smashing success—but wait, he has just one more thing. Then gently he gets up from his lying position, while still keeping his arms twined around Baekhyun’s waist to pull the man to sit on his thighs. “As for our night… want to make it more fun?”

“How?” Baekhyun chuckles, slowly rising up to sit and automatically follows Chanyeol’s gesture by crawling on top of Chanyeol’s body and having his arms circling around Chanyeol’s neck, loosely hugging him. After so much that happened tonight, he thought there’s nothing that can top all the fun, but then again there he has a Chanyeol with unlimited ideas to make them happy—and he trusts the tall man will always find more ways to bring more smiles and laughter.

“Since you’re fully awake now, we can have a bet!” Chanyeol announces excitedly, eyes wide and face bright. Then as he lets out his mischievous smirk, he forwards his dare for Baekhyun. “Want to bet on who can stay awake longer until the year changes?”

Never Baekhyun thought he’d thank Junmyeon’s annoying Saturday shift that got him trained to control his body clock, so he owe Junmyeon for this approaching victory of his, he’ll thank the boss next Monday. So without hesitation, he returns the smirk with a look on his face that says he’s won the game already and in a proud tone replies, “Okay, that’s definitely going to be me—”

A disapproving frown appears on Chanyeol’s face and his smirk turning into a slight pout as he points at himself. Even so, he chuckles to himself, here comes one of his favorite things to do with Baekhyun—bickering loud and being exactly like two kindergartens fighting over a crayon. “No, it’s definitely going to be _me_!”

“Excuse me,” Baekhyun laughs at the way now he sees a pouting fierce puppy sitting on the spot where Chanyeol was sitting a few seconds ago in front of him. Of course after all the heartfelt words, the passionate kisses and tight warm hugs, he and Chanyeol will always spare some time to turn into two noisy five years olds and bicker—that’s what he loves from them. “But the cold hard fact is that I’m the one who can stay up until late and I also happen to always wake up earlier than you now—”

Since Junmyeon started getting Baekhyun the Saturday shift, the small man has been busier and spending time at the office more than he used to—something Chanyeol isn’t quite fond of since it subtracts his quality time with Baekhyun—and forces Baekhyun to wake up earlier than him. Then as he laughs he remembers the way Baekhyun used to be late for any morning meeting if it weren’t for him to shake the sleep off of the small man. “ _Excuse me_ as well but I also happen to be the one who used to be your walking alarm before you started to wake up earlier than me!”

Laughter stopped short for a moment, Baekhyun remembers the countless times he’s saved from being late and facing Junmyeon’s wrath because of Chanyeol’s help for so many mornings. Searching the files in his head for something to get back at Chanyeol for a moment, immediately he finds it—he fully well know one particularly special way of how Chanyeol wakes him up. “Excuse me _again_ but I believe that’s just an excuse for you to kiss me more because ninety percent of the time you always wake me up with a kiss.”

At how Baekhyun is currently pulling out his tongue and laughing at him, once again caught him red handed, Chanyeol huffs, prompting a pout to appear on his face. Screw Junmyeon for taking away one of his kissing Baekhyun privileges. Racking his brain, then he remembers the reaction Baekhyun always gives him whenever he tries to wake the small man with kisses. So with his pout turning into a smirk again, triumphantly he replies, “I believe myself you love getting kissed because I witnessed it every time—how you always managed to kiss me back even when you’re still sleeping.”

Cheeks blushing red, Baekhyun recalls so many times when he almost lost the logic in his mind whenever Chanyeol kisses him—even when he’s technically sleeping—since more than not the tall man’s lips always find ways to wander to other spots too… So for that fact he knows Chanyeol has got him like he’s the cornered king in the chessboard with no possible way to escape the check, and to hide his embarrassment from getting caught of his weakness of having Chanyeol kissing him he has no other option other than accepting the dare Chanyeol gave. So he offers his hand for the tall man to shake. “That’s it—game on!”

From seeing the rose petals that starts blooming on Baekhyun’s cheeks, Chanyeol knows it’s a checkmate. So he grins as he takes Baekhyun’s hand, shaking it eagerly… before he pulls Baekhyun into his embrace and gives another surprise kiss for Baekhyun again. “Game on!”

Baekhyun can only laugh as he arrives in Chanyeol’s arms again, kissing back the tall man. He knows Chanyeol is always right—he really does love getting Chanyeol’s kisses, and being the only one who gets to receive it, more than anything.

The night continues with more laughter and cuddling again on the couch with what Chanyeol still insists to tell Baekhyun as _our one and only_ blanket over their tangled bodies, and of course, more kisses. They raise the stake of the night by making a pact for the contest that Chanyeol suggested on which one of them can stay awake until midnight, with each wanting to be the first to say happy new year greetings to each other, betting their treasures with Baekhyun offering his tin full of tiramisu biscuit and Chanyeol putting his two meters tall giraffe doll down the table.

But the night ends at ten minutes just before the new year starts for the two puppies. 

Still cuddling on the couch and bundled with their blankets, they fall asleep with Baekhyun’s head resting on Chanyeol’s shoulder and Chanyeol’s head landing just right on top of Baekhyun’s—just like their toothbrushes alright.

***


	4. track #13: don’t let it break your heart

** track #13: don’t let it break your heart **

_the sky is blue  
dream that lie til’ it’s true  
then taking back the punch I threw  
my arms turn wings  
oh, those clumsy things  
send me up to the wonderful world  
and then I’m up with the birds_

***

**January 2nd, 2017**  
 **Seoul, South Korea  
07.47 AM**

**D – 132**

Chanyeol is on top of the world.

Well, to be exact, in his and Baekhyun’s kitchen—sipping some cold refined apple juice that he bought at a nearby ranch market from his mug, while he prepares toast and milk combo for a breakfast in bed tuck-in for Baekhyun—but essentially, anywhere with Baekhyun is on top of the world.

It’s been two days after Baekhyun agreed to arrange a wedding with him, and Chanyeol has told his family and a few close friends of his and Baekhyun’s about it. Their reactions are so enthusiastic and supportive, it makes his heart soar with pride and happiness for finally being able to marry Baekhyun soon.

What Chanyeol waited the most are his family’s reactions, especially his mother. His mother cried when Chanyeol told her about it during his and Baekhyun’s visit to his family’s house yesterday, and his older brother, Chanwoo—who lives in Rue du Bac, Paris for his Lepidopterist job at Cabinet de Curiosités Deyrolle, and came back to Seoul just for to congratulate him after the proposal news broke out—gave him what he said, _a slap full of love and proud feelings_ on his back because _My little brother is finally going to have a family of his own_. He literally had to pry Baekhyun off from his mother and brother’s suffocating hugs, they couldn’t stop admiring and cooing at Baekhyun, despite having known him for a long time now.

As he stirs the ladle on the hot pot full of fettuccine carbonara—that he just cooked for his and Baekhyun's breakfast main course, complete with minced pancetta, egg yolks and freshly grated pecorino Romano cheese—Chanyeol muses about how happy he is to know that Baekhyun already has a close-knit relationship with his family. He can’t wait to expand their family more after he married Baekhyun.

Today is the first appointment Jongin and Kyungsoo had set up for the both of them to attend. Last night Jongin texted him that today their schedule is for them to meet at their office at ten in the morning before they go to visit venues and pick some of their favorites. Chanyeol and Baekhyun already agreed on having a nearby church in their neighborhood as the venue, so all they have to do next is choosing which one is the most peaceful and quiescent, and discuss the booking.

Grilled toast with strawberry jam and a glass of milk ready, Chanyeol then goes to the bedroom with the full food tray in hand to wake Baekhyun up from his sleep. Standing beside their bed and looking at Baekhyun’s peaceful figure, he almost doesn’t have the heart to wake Baekhyun up—the small man looks like he’s really enjoying his sleep judging from his tightly shut eyes and his almost inaudible purring.

After putting down the food tray on a propped foldable mini wooden table they frequently use for numerous eat-at-bed episodes, Chanyeol sits himself down on Baekhyun’s side of bed, slowly and carefully as to not to startle Baekhyun. Number one in his list of favorite methods to wake Baekhyun is to kiss him first while he’s sleeping. So, after carefully trapping Baekhyun’s body between his arms, he slowly lowered his lips to touch Baekhyun’s slightly parted lips, just enough for a gentle peck. Even just from that Baekhyun somehow returns the gesture, as if he’s used to the feeling of Chanyeol’s lips on his.

Chuckling, Chanyeol then parts their lips, and his hand move to gently touch Baekhyun’s cheeks, rubbing it with his thumb while softly calling his name to rouse him from sleep. “Hyunnie? Wake up, baby.”

Stirring up from sleep with his face scrunched like a kitten, Baekhyun slowly regains his consciousness as his eyes flutter open. At the sight of the bright sun in the horizon—Chanyeol’s close-up face, definitely—he smiles. “Mornin’, baby.”

“Hey, that’s my line,” Chanyeol chuckles, smiling at the view of the dawning morning sun that is Baekhyun’s smile, of course. Then he drags the food tray slowly in front of Baekhyun with a soft _tada_ and a wide grin. “But good morning too, baby. Here, I’ve got you your favorite breakfast.”

“Wow, a morning treat!” Baekhyun exclaims delightfully at the sight of food that chases out his sleep right away from his mind, quickly helping himself with one big gulp of the cold fresh milk, before grabbing one of the grilled toast. Then he takes a generous bite, tasting the sweet-sour taste of the strawberry jam clashing perfectly with the crispy toast. “Wow, Yeol, this is so good, really—”

At the way Baekhyun is acting like he cooked him a five star dish, all with loud delightful moans and eyes shut tight like he’s really enjoying the finest wine, when really it’s just a regular breakfast makes Chanyeol laugh. “It’s just some ordinary milk and toast, Hyunnie—”

“Stop right there!” Baekhyun says suddenly, holding Chanyeol’s wrist, effectively stopping the tall man from eating. Once in a while, the impulse he gets from his freshly woken up self makes him do stuff right after he woke up, and this time it gets him wanting to flirt with Chanyeol. So, without paying much attention to his sleepy puppy face and messy bed hair, he lets out his adorable smile and adds, “It’s never ordinary when you made it for me, when I know you made it with your love for me.”

To that, Chanyeol bursts out laughing loudly—to the point his laughter gets him doubling on the floor and his half eaten strawberry toast abandoned, so close to lying flat on the floor—at how cute his sleepy Baekhyun sounded while trying to woo him. ”Hyunnie, what’s that?”

“What _what_? I was just trying to tease you.” Baekhyun chuckles as he tries to hide his face and his bright red cheeks. Is he really that embarrassing? He thought he’s good at one-liners, since he did get Chanyeol’s two thumbs-up and managed to make Chanyeol laugh when they danced to Roy Orbison’s _Pretty Woman_ on new year’s eve? He’s so _done_ , Chanyeol is going to use this as a teasing material later on.

“The words are good, Apprentice Byun. But you really have to learn from me on the exact ways of how to tease and flirt,” Chanyeol says between his laugh as he sits on the floor, propping his face in his palms with his elbows on the bed. Immediately he stands up to sit back on the bed next to Baekhyun and submerges into his cool side, showing Baekhyun his best smirk. “You need the right smirk and suave feel.”

“Alright, Mr. Prankster Park.” Baekhyun laughs. But his laughter slowly quietens, eyes locked on the way Chanyeol’s head is coming close to him and showing him all the best features the tall man has, completely entranced at how handsome Chanyeol is…

“But we’ll save the Flirt 101 class for later,” Chanyeol suddenly says, chuckling at how transparent Baekhyun’s face is—he can see the small man’s fond smile and cheeks bulging so roundly to the point his eyes are forming crescents from the enchantment he’s trapped in. “Anyway! We have our first wedding meeting today!” He excitedly informs Baekhyun, as his eyes brighten and his hands clapping vigorously.

“Oh, really? That’s good,” Baekhyun replies, shaking his head momentarily to get himself back from the hypnotic effect of Chanyeol’s dark mahogany eyes staring into his so intensely. Then his smile gets wider by the sight of an enthusiastic Chanyeol in front of him. “Okay, now let me take a bath and prepare myself to go see Jongin and Kyungsoo—”

Seeing the way Baekhyun is trying to get up from the tangled mess of blankets, Chanyeol holds back Baekhyun’s shoulder, stopping the small man from leaving the bed. He doesn’t know from where did he get the inspiration or the impulse to be all spontaneous, but maybe it’s just because he wants to create as much as happy memories with Baekhyun. “Wait, let’s dance!”

At the sudden and random request, Baekhyun laughs. But really, little pieces of brightly, laughter colored days like these are what make up his and Chanyeol’s happy mosaic. “Yeol—wait, what?”

“Come on, Hyunnie! Come dance with me,” Chanyeol says cheerily as he moves away the food tray with the empty plate and glass to rest safely on the bedside table. Then he tugs on Baekhyun’s hands, effectively lifting Baekhyun’s body a few inches from the bed. “We should start the new year with more and more dancing!”

Still laughing, Baekhyun tries to reason, trying to put on a poker face, but he just can’t when Chanyeol is grinning so wide with his every gesture showing how much excited he is—just like a delighted puppy wanting to play. “But it’s so early in the morning, Yeol—”

“I don’t care!” Chanyeol says brightly, laughing as he gently tugs Baekhyun’s hands while intertwining their fingers tight. Remembering his promises from the last day of 2016, when they danced under the stars, he realizes his spontaneity is driven by the thought of filling their days with pleasure and contentment. So, nothing can stop him from making Baekhyun happy, with any way possible, because it’s what makes him happy. “I’ll dance with you and make you happy today, tonight, all day, tomorrow, any time, any day, every day—”

“Alright, alright, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs along as he tries to rise up from the bed. It’s the start of a new year and they’re dancing already—he’s so happy to see the efforts Chanyeol do for him, since all of it works successfully in lifting his mood. But really, seeing Chanyeol being so happy… he’d do anything to keep Chanyeol that way. So replying Chanyeol’s gestures just as cheerful, he tightens his grasp on Chanyeol’s hands. “Let’s dance!”

“Okay! Wait here for a moment, please!” Chanyeol says brightly after he helps Baekhyun out of the bed by freeing the small man’s tangled legs from the bed cover. Almost jogging, he rushes out of their bedroom to reach their gramophone. He picks up a vinyl record for a song he has in mind after seeing Baekhyun’s sweet, sleepy smile from their collections to place it onto the turntable, and not long after that The Archies’ 1969 bubblegum pop song _Sugar, Sugar_ fills the space of their apartment.

“Hyunnie, take this as your first flirting class.” Chanyeol starts as he takes a hold on Baekhyun’s hands again and puts on his lopsided smirk.

Again interlocking his fingers with Chanyeol’s, Baekhyun chuckles at how the sentence Chanyeol said just contradicts what the tall man said five minutes prior. “But Yeol, you said _later_ —”

“Later can be _one minute later_ , Hyunnie.” Chanyeol reasons swiftly, winking as he pulls Baekhyun into the center of their bedroom, with the reply he said getting them to laugh.

The opening lines of the song joins their laughter as Chanyeol directs Baekhyun and himself to the center of their bedroom to dance, hands holding each other’s and bodies swinging towards any direction they like.

_Sugar, ah honey honey  
You are my candy, love  
And you’ve got me wanting you_

_Honey, ah sugar sugar  
You are my candy, love  
And you’ve got me wanting you_

Only Chanyeol that can make Baekhyun feel like he’s truly _alive_ again and living life to the fullest, even when they’re just dancing around in their bedroom, with their combination of them wearing old band t-shirts, plain black shorts, complete with their messy bed hair. Then as he stares at Chanyeol, his eyes boring deep into the dark cinnamon orbs, he calls, “Yeol.”

“Hyunnie, hey,” Chanyeol replies as he sways his and Baekhyun’s linked hands forward and backward following the song’s cheery rhythm. Having Baekhyun’s hands in his… it’s to feel like he can take them to the places where they would be the happiest. And just like always, after one second observing the look of determination on Baekhyun’s eyes, he knows there’s something the small man is keeping for him. “What is it?”

“Aside from all of the problems we’ve stumbled upon and resolved together… I think you taught me well. And continue to be.” Baekhyun says casually, while pondering with his face serious, as if talking to himself more than to Chanyeol. Just from the way Chanyeol holds his hands to bring him dancing with their steps so light across their bedroom, it already can tell him that wherever Chanyeol leads him, it will be only to the beautiful places.

“How is that so?” Chanyeol asks, smiling as this time his thumbs start to draw soothing patterns on the back of Baekhyun’s hands after he notices Baekhyun’s sudden silence. Only Baekhyun who can find a fragment of life philosophy in everything, even in the smallest thing, making him realize to always pay attention for the hints life is giving for them.

“The way you’re always there to help me face everything tells me that we won’t run, even as we stand before mountains stacked with troubles and fears, we’re here to stay, to fight,” Baekhyun replies, this time a small smile finally rises on his face. “And though far away we are—”

“Though how far we are, our hearts will always be true to each other. Our love will stay the same,” Chanyeol finishes, remembering the words Baekhyun said on the new year’s eve, on how they will always have each other no matter what the future has for them. He will always have faith in Baekhyun, and of course in them. “I trust you.”

The tone of assurance in Chanyeol’s voice, the firm grip of Chanyeol’s hands on his, and the look of sincerity in Chanyeol’s eyes… those are enough for Baekhyun. “Thank you, Yeol.”

“Anything for you, Hyunnie. Together we’ll kick some troubles’ ass!” Chanyeol smiles, adding a bit of teasing intended to make Baekhyun laugh—which succeeds right after he said it judging by the way the small man tilts his head back to laugh heartily. Now, enough for the serious talk, it’s time for him to be truly happy with Baekhyun. As the song continues, his smile turns into a playful grin once again as he drags Baekhyun around with him. “And now, let’s go dancing again!”

_I just can’t believe the loveliness of loving you  
I just can’t believe the one to love this feeling to_

_When I kissed you love, I knew how sweet a kiss could be  
Like the summer sunshine pour your sweetness over me_

This time Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun closer to him and lets go of his hold on Baekhyun’s hand for a moment to cradle Baekhyun’s cheek and kisses Baekhyun deeply. Slowly inserting his tongue in, exploring the warmth of Baekhyun’s mouth cavern, he can taste the honey sweetness that seems to linger. Totally losing his mind over how fine the flavor of kissing Baekhyun is, unconsciously he moans, “I love the way you taste so sweet…”

At the sound Chanyeol let out, Baekhyun laughs into their kiss. “Really, Yeol. Your words are just as sweet,” then he places his hand on Chanyeol’s nape, keeping the tall man’s head close to his even after Chanyeol pulls back his head away after they broke the kiss to gently kiss him again. He’s enjoying the way he can taste the strawberry jam and a nice slight hint of mint toothpaste Chanyeol uses every day, but more particularly to the way Chanyeol kisses him languidly, taking all the time in the world just to take care of his lips lovingly. “I could live long with it, even longer and forevermore with you.”

“You know, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol says, lips brushing teasingly against Baekhyun’s and eyes closed to just fill his senses with the feelings he gets from the kiss. The way Baekhyun kisses him deliberately and delicately is so divine, that even a simple slow kiss can render him breathless and feeling fine flavors of a love so pure. Then as he opens his eyes he continues, “I’ve heard people say that too much of anything isn’t good for you.”

With Chanyeol’s hot breath fanning over his mouth and the alluring brush of Chanyeol’s lips on his, Baekhyun can feel himself drowning in the swirl of Chanyeol’s dazing spell. But then, after shaking his head to wake himself up, he too feels a bit confused by the sudden change of topic. All the same he replies, “Yeah it does, Yeol—”

Chanyeol cuts Baekhyun off with another kiss. “But I agree to disagree on that matter for just about one thing.”

“What is it?” Baekhyun chuckles at the way Chanyeol can’t stop kissing him. Though actually he revels in it all—enjoying every kiss with the one in a million feeling like it’s only their first kiss. Just one kiss accompanied by a grin from Chanyeol is already enough to give him ample amount of warm feelings to make a smile stays on his face throughout the day.

“I just can’t get enough of your love,” Chanyeol replies, letting out his lopsided smirk before kissing Baekhyun again. Then he detaches their lips for a moment, gently brushing Baekhyun’s lower lip with his thumb. “There’s so many times that we’ve loved, shared love, made love, and are being in love right in this moment, and still it doesn’t seem to me like it’s enough. There’s just not enough of you and me.”

“Yeol,” Baekhyun whispers as he closes his eyes to just feel the touch of Chanyeol’s fingers on his lips. Since they have their foreheads glued and lips brushing against each other’s, he decides to give another peck on Chanyeol’s smiling lips. He chuckles at the way Chanyeol replies the gesture by capturing his lips for a full kiss, as if refusing to only getting a peck. “You know I love you so much, right?”

“I do, more than you think I do,” Chanyeol replies with the same reply Baekhyun gave him when they were listening to Nat King Cole while lying on the floor of their apartment, one day after he proposed to him. For ten years, Baekhyun has always been his muse, and for the feeling Baekhyun continues to give him one of the things he can do is to compose songs, and it applies every day—since in this very second he gets a song inspiration for Baekhyun. So in the tune of the song he composed to propose Baekhyun he softly sings, “So, tell me, what can I say? What am I going to do? How should I feel when everything is you?”

“Then I’ll keep on loving you more and more each time,” Baekhyun sings along to the melody of the song Chanyeol made for him that he keeps in his heart, laughing. He’s creating his own lines, and they’re all for Chanyeol to hear. “I can love you even more, I’ll make you my world, even move heaven and earth for you.”

“I’m so lucky to have you,” Chanyeol laughs. The sentences Baekhyun said to him actually contain just simple words, but the way Baekhyun said it with such love streaming out in his eyes, his smile and his gestures that are all directed just for him… it really makes even a mere sleepy _hi, Yeol_ Baekhyun said in every morning to him as the one and only special thing for him. And a special mention for the last sentence that really gets him laughing. “My powerful Hyunnie who loves me _and_ can move heaven and earth for me.”

“I’m more lucky to have you. And for that, I will give you my heart,” Baekhyun laughs along, continuing his singing as he places Chanyeol’s hand flat on his chest, “Be all that you need,” he moves his hand to cup Chanyeol’s cheeks, caressing it before pulling Chanyeol’s head closer to give him a kiss. “And show you how you’re everything that’s precious to me.”

“Oh love, we’ve finally made it!” Chanyeol shouts, feeling happiness pumping the adrenaline in his veins just from Baekhyun’s loving kisses and tender touches on him—he’s sure he has reached the epitome of happiness when he met Baekhyun all those years ago. Then as he wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s body he kisses the lips of a laughing Baekhyun again.

_Sugar, pour a little sugar on it, honey  
Pour a little sugar on it baby  
I’m gonna make your life so sweet_

_Pour a little sugar on it honey  
Pour a little sugar on it baby  
I’m gonna make your life so sweet_

“I’ll make sure to bake lots of sweet things for you until your teeth hurt… not from the sugar, but from the way I’ll make you smile so wide every day.” Chanyeol teases, grinning wide as he squeezes Baekhyun’s chubby cheeks.

“More chocolate cookies, strawberry cheesecakes and vanilla ice cream, please!” Baekhyun pretends to order, chuckling at another cheesy one liner that Chanyeol seems to never run out of. “Then I’ll make sure to listen and savor the taste of happiness from each one of them.”

“Aren’t you tired with my cheesy lines?” Chanyeol chuckles. He fully well knows there are more than lots of lines he said for Baekhyun that can be categorized in the cheesy section, but he swears each of it is said to convey his love for Baekhyun or to tell how beautiful Baekhyun is, and of course, to make Baekhyun laugh. “I kind of have your days filled with cheesy lines for ten years.”

“Never for the last ten years and will never be for the many, many years to come,” Baekhyun replies certainly, grinning. Every word Chanyeol says is everything he wants to hear throughout his life. To think more of it, today is the second day in the new year, why doesn’t he try new things, for example, creating his own cheesy one-liner to tease Chanyeol back? So, as he tries to hold back his laugh and to make his face as flat as possible, he adds, “Besides, I like cheesecakes you love to bake for me as well, so…”

“Glad to hear that, I’ll rack my brain, heart and soul to make more lovely cheesy lines for you,” Chanyeol laughs, deftly replying with yet another cheesy line that earns him Baekhyun’s chuckle. But then, as he stops himself to give Baekhyun’s last comment a second thought for a moment, he frowns. “But what’s with the sudden mention of cheesecakes I bake?”

“You know!” Baekhyun laughs while covering his face just so Chanyeol won’t see his cheeks reddening from embarrassment yet again, desperately trying to explain while fumbling with his words. “Your cheesy lines? The cheesecakes that you love to bake for me? Both are from you and both has cheese in it therefore I love both?”

“Hyunnie, come on!” Chanyeol laughs as soon as he heard the last sentence Baekhyun said. Frankly, it’s not funny, at all—but somehow in the adorable way Baekhyun said it like the small man is trying with all his might to make him smile, he has his heart stolen all over again—once again he has to admit how powerful Baekhyun is. “I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that it’s too cheesy I have no words for it but to laugh at it or the fact that it’s too cheesy you’ve become very much like me.”

“It’s alright, I’d love to be you, don’t you know I’d be and do anything just for you to be happy?” Baekhyun replies, chuckling as he can feel his cheeks getting warmer and redder—he’s really not good in this flirty business, it’s more the tall man’s field of expertise. But he’s good with words, so he decides to return the words Chanyeol said earlier. “But really, no one can never change my opinion on how I’ll never get tired of your cheesy lines. Or _you_ , while we’re at it.”

“I love you, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol grins. Actually, the last sentence Baekhyun said makes his mind go back to the moment he made them dance to his favorite The Chordettes’ song _Lollipop_ and for some obvious reason like how hot Baekhyun looked just in his shorts after taking shower, he ended up kneeling between Baekhyun’s thighs that he worshipped so much and having Baekhyun moaning and gripping his blue hair tight as he tasted his shaft. So with the memory in his mind, he gives Baekhyun a wink and adds, “I’ll never get tired of you—no one can have a say on this matter—can’t get enough of you too, actually.”

_Sugar, ah honey honey  
You are my candy, love  
And you’ve got me wanting you_

_Honey, ah sugar sugar  
You are my candy, love  
And you’ve got me wanting you_

“I love you too, Yeol.” Baekhyun smiles. The song and their talks about cheesy-sweet lines are really giving him enough amount of laughing doses that sets a happy ambience to start and fill their day. His cheeks redden at how he remembers there’s one time when Chanyeol played The Chordettes’ 1958 Barbershop music pop song _Lollipop_ for them to dance around that somehow ended up with him panting from the way tall man’s tongue and mouth worked its way on his shaft…

“I love you more, Hyunnie!” Chanyeol replies at the top of his voice. Something as simple as an _I love you_ from Baekhyun is enough to make him feel as if he could hike to the highest mountains, float to the clouds, and fly up to the space. Then as he leads them dancing to reach the halfway opened French doors of their balcony, he has a sudden urge to scream his feelings for everyone to hear. “Morning everyone! My baby said he loves me and I need to tell you all that everything is fine!”

“Lower down your voice, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughs, trying to clamp a hand over Chanyeol’s mouth. But Chanyeol’s 6’1 tall build isn’t really in his favor, so all he manages to do is to kiss Chanyeol’s mouth again instead that seems to be very effective in silencing the tall man’s excited blabbering. “Or the neighbors will come here to get you with their complaints.”

The kiss Chanyeol received from Baekhyun to stop his loud happy exclamations did manage to do the deed, but it also only makes him want to scream louder just so he can get another kiss. Even so, probably having a record of getting arrested for public disturbance at seven in the morning in front of your fiancé isn’t really a nice thing to own. Nevertheless, he’s too excited, it’s almost like one glance at Baekhyun reminds him how they’re finally getting married, so he lowers his voice only just slightly. “You know Hyunnie, it’s a very fine day indeed! I feel like knocking everyone’s apartment to say hello to them and introduce you as my husband!”

“Really, Yeol?” Baekhyun challenges, giving Chanyeol a skeptical look and a daring smirk just so he can rile Chanyeol up, even though with a blush that starts to bloom on his cheeks he’s secretly wants the tall man to do just what he said. “Are you really going to greet all of our neighbors?”

“I said I feel like it—” Chanyeol reasons, smiling sheepishly as he takes his turn in getting his cheeks red. When he sees Baekhyun’s _I thought so_ smirk gets wider, with a bubbly pout surfacing on his face he adds, “Hey don’t give me that look, _you_ made me feel this way!”

Then as he brings a very much satisfied and laughing heartily Baekhyun around by the hands, Chanyeol continues singing along The Archies for them, with a slight sweet twist inserted into the lines.

_Sugar, ah Hyunnie Hyunnie  
You are my candy, love  
And you’ve got me wanting you_

“See what I did there?” Chanyeol grins. He’s especially fond over the way the words _Hyunnie_ and _Honey_ resemble each other. “Well, even though as an aspiring chef I can safely say you’re sweeter than any honey, food or not.”

“Very clever, Yeol,” Baekhyun appreciates, laughing for how he can see Chanyeol enjoying himself, grinning so wide and so happy for just teasing him. Even though he’s heard of the wordplay for so many times before, it still entertains him every time. Then he gets an idea of returning the wordplay, still not believing himself that he’s doing this out of instinct, but he’s somehow carried away by the strong flow of joy Chanyeol has that makes him wants to tease Chanyeol back. “Okay now it’s my turn!”

As the song resumes, Baekhyun sings along to the next lines, adding his own touch for Chanyeol.

_Honey, ah Yeollie Yeollie  
You are my candy, love  
And you’ve got me wanting you_

“Wait—wait, what?” Chanyeol laughs hard, he almost couldn’t believe it—Baekhyun using another form of endearment other than his seldom heard _giant baby_? And today he gets _Yeollie_ that probably only comes once in a blue moon? Now what he ever wants in life is to hear it again. “Hyunnie, repeat it again!”

Seeing the way Chanyeol is far too amused at his attempt, Baekhyun’s cheeks redden in embarrassment. Trying not to embarrass himself further, he chooses to hide his face by masking it with his hands. “Sorry, no second broadcast, Yeol—”

“This is the day marked in the history of my victories as my utmost important win!” Chanyeol says, almost screaming, as he tugs Baekhyun’s hands away from his face easily to see Baekhyun’s strawberry red cheeks that he loves so much. Then he sticks out his tongue at Baekhyun, elated by this new material to tease Baekhyun with. “Byun Baekhyun said _Yeollie_! I’ll just chant this until you grant my wish!”

“Yeol—Chanyeol—stop it please—” Baekhyun chuckles as he tries to clamp a hand over Chanyeol’s mouth. He’s half regretting the fact that he just embarrassed himself and created more things for Chanyeol to tease him, but also strangely half happy to see Chanyeol looking like a kid getting early Christmas presents.

“No, I won’t stop until you say it again!” Chanyeol says happily, again pulling his tongue out at Baekhyun. Thanks to his height, he can avoid Baekhyun’s hand easily, and instead Then he decides to tease Baekhyun more. “Byun Baekhyun said _Yeollie_!” He singsongs loudly in a teasing tone.

“Park Chanyeol!” Baekhyun says, crossing his arms as he puts on his sulky face, giving up. He’s trying to hide his chuckle with a faux stern attitude, hoping his true amusement of how cute Chanyeol is to fawn over just a word won’t show, since his cheeks are really starting to hurt from holding back his smile. To be completely honest, he secretly loves basking in being called _baby_ and _honey_ by Chanyeol, but somehow he’s more embarrassed to use such endearments than the tall man.

“ _Byun Baekhyun said Yeollie_!” Chanyeol continues, unrelenting even to the angry but just woken up puppy face Baekhyun throws at him, which looks adorable more than anything. The _Yeollie_ business is worth more than anything and he dares to say it’s almost in the same level as the ever supreme and irresistible puppy charm Baekhyun has! Then he tugs on Baekhyun’s shirt for several times, trying to make Baekhyun say it again. “Come on, Hyunnie. Just one more time!”

“Alright, alright,” Baekhyun finally lets out his laughter. Chanyeol with his 6’1 foot glory looking more like a little kid while tugging on his shirt is really a deal-breaker to his previously resolute mind to never say it again. After mentally preparing himself and taking a deep breath he slowly says, “ _Yeollie_ —”

“Byun Baekhyun said _Yeollie_!” Chanyeol shouts even louder now, completely exhilarated. For some reason, he feels so contented even just from one word from Baekhyun—but it’s been for ten years since the first time he realized how that alone can lift his mood more than anything else. Then, feeling so much love rushing out of him for Baekhyun, out of his pumping adrenaline, he grabs Baekhyun’s cheeks to pull the small man’s head face closer to his and gives the red lips a quick, sloppy kiss before running away. “I love you, Hyunnie!”

The kiss Chanyeol administered on him manages to take Baekhyun aback. Again, for so many times, a warm spark of feeling that only Chanyeol’s lips on his can create to spread from his lips to crimson his cheeks and then covers his heart with petals of yellow sunshine daffodils. So as he grins, he runs to catch the all too ecstatic man laughing at him. “Yeol, come back here—”

Of course Chanyeol refuses, ducking low to avoid Baekhyun’s fingers as he runs out to his fort—their kitchen—to hide behind the center marble table. He remembers on new year’s eve when Baekhyun tricked him that his mission is to make him laugh, and when he lets his guard down, the small man tickled him. “No, you’ll sit on my stomach and tickle my sides and have me laughing too much—”

Seeing the way Chanyeol is too far away for his legs or hands to reach, and somehow tall man knows about the last mischief he did last year, Baekhyun decides to let his true intention known. So while he’s chuckling, to Chanyeol’s escaping figure he calls, “Yeol, let me kiss you!”

At the request of a kiss from the only person in the world he’d kiss all day every day, Chanyeol instantly runs back inside the bedroom to find Baekhyun smiling while standing with his arms wide open, so into those arms he happily jumps. Also, this is another Baekhyun’s secret everyone doesn’t know—how strong his physical built is behind his seemingly small body appearance—Baekhyun can lift him up as he hugs him. And honestly, to be carried in Baekhyun’s arms is to be in heaven. “I belong with you—”

“And I belong with you,” Baekhyun smiles. As Chanyeol arrives in his arms, he kisses Chanyeol fully on the lips. He can feel one of Chanyeol’s hand on his cheek and the other clutching on his shoulder as they kiss, teeth clacking once in a while with chuckles inserted in between. He manages to carry Chanyeol with his arms securely wrapped around Chanyeol’s body while Chanyeol’s legs are circling his waist for a good one minute before they collapse back onto their bed, laughing. “You’re my sweetheart.”

Then the song ends with another line of _sugar, pour a little sugar on it, honey_ and yet again a chase around their apartment, with Baekhyun ready with his fingers to tickle Chanyeol at the way the latter keeps taunting the former with another overenthusiastic repetitions of _Byun Baekhyun said Yeollie!_ while doing a celebratory dance across the apartment. Finally, after Chanyeol is—again—caught and taken down by Baekhyun, they do more dancing while laughing freely until their stomach hurt, even though still interrupted by sneaky hands trying to tickle each other.

“Oh also, Hyunnie, have you told your family about our wedding?” Chanyeol finally asks when they’ve sorted their breath out and are back at lying on the bed, hands somehow won’t letting go of each other.

At the sudden question, Baekhyun pauses, his laugh stopped short. Then he rises from the bed as he straightens himself to sit upright, abruptly breaking the chain of their hands even though Chanyeol holds on his wrist still. “No, I haven’t—”

“You haven’t?” Chanyeol asks casually as he mirrors Baekhyun’s movement, now back sitting on the bed as well. Then he loosens his hand’s grip on Baekhyun’s wrist, reaching for his phone. “Oh, then I will call them while you’re taking your bath. Also, maybe I can ask your parent’s blessings again—”

“No!” Baekhyun shouts out of the blue, shocking Chanyeol whose hands are already pressing the speed dial number on his phone to call Baekhyun’s family, his eyes wide and chest rapidly heaving up and down as if he just finished running for a marathon.

“Hyunnie? Why—” Chanyeol lowers his phone, confused. Baekhyun is not one to suddenly shout things, but then maybe it’s just the nerve-wracking wedding issues people always have that triggered Baekhyun in some way, he thinks.

In a split second, Baekhyun realizes his mistake and immediately apologizes. “Sorry Chanyeol—I don’t—I meant it’s probably still midnight at California, they won’t be awake now,” he replies as he chuckles a little to make the slightly weird atmosphere go away, shrugging the topic off nonchalantly. “And um, I will tell them myself, and no need for you to ask for their blessings, they love you so much though! They probably already gave their blessings when we were still university students.”

To Chanyeol, it’s a bit unusual for Baekhyun to not let him call his family. Furthermore, he does sense something else in Baekhyun’s voice, hidden under the light chuckle that followed after, but he decides it’s not something to worry about. Baekhyun is right though, it’s probably not wise to call the soon-to-be parents in law at such imprudent hours, and Baekhyun knows his family better than him, for sure. So at the end he discards his phone and smiles. “Ah, alright Hyunnie, after a second thought you’re right.”

The answer Chanyeol gave him allows Baekhyun to breathe in relief. Then his face turns apologetic again as he fiddles with his thumb while tugging on the hem of Chanyeol’s t-shirt. “And um, one more thing. For the wedding… I’m sorry but I think my family can’t come—”

“It’s alright, Hyunnie. I understand that tickets are expensive and it must be hard to find a day that fits everyone’s schedules,” Chanyeol reassures, ruffling Baekhyun’s dark chocolate hair. Then as he takes Baekhyun’s hand on his shirt to bring it to his cheeks, he has an idea to solve Baekhyun’s problem. “It’s totally okay if your family can’t come, my mum can be your mum for a day.”

“I am marrying you, Yeol, so technically your mum will be my mother in law,” Baekhyun chuckles, both to the solution Chanyeol offered and the way he can feel the upturn of Chanyeol’s mouth forming a grin and the warmth of Chanyeol’s cheeks on his palms. Chanyeol is so innocent at times, he has long believed there might be a five years old kid living on his heart or something. “So she’s my mum too.”

“Ah—yes. I just remembered that,” Chanyeol replies, before smiling shyly, feeling his cheeks get redder and realizing his plan to be some sore of a hero for Baekhyun kind of backfired. “Okay, now go take a shower, I have your clothes ready here. Chop chop!” He ushers Baekhyun to the bathroom door, helping him by handing a dried towel he prepared this morning for Baekhyun to use.

“Thank you, Yeol. Okay, I’ll go take a shower and I’ll dress _real_ nice for my soon-to-be husband.” Baekhyun says, smiling with gratitude as he receives his towel and sees the way Chanyeol already prepared his clothes. Besides being an adorable five years old, Chanyeol is also truly his knight in shining armor—his hero. Then he continues to enter the bathroom with some hips shake and left the bathroom door slightly open to tease the tall man.

“Can I join you, my soon-to-be husband?” Chanyeol asks from outside the bathroom, teasing Baekhyun back. Baekhyun always has his bathroom door open wide for him, maybe they can have some good time at bathroom before they leave to meet Jongin and Kyungsoo…

“If you want us to be _very_ late that will definitely results in our wedding to be cancelled, then go on!” Baekhyun yells from the bathroom, threatening Chanyeol from coming but still chuckling, with his voice muffled by the pitter-patter sound of the shower turned on, the bathroom door now closed and bolted.

“Alright, alright, I take that back!” Chanyeol hollers back towards the bathroom door, laughing along as he tidies up their bed and the food tray. “Take your shower quick and marry me, okay?”

Another hearty laughter and a cheery _Okay! I’ll marry you as soon as I finish brushing my teeth!_ from Baekhyun greets Chanyeol back, and he knows that’s his cue to leave the bedroom to prepare the table and plate the fettuccine carbonara for the both of them. Maybe they’ll have some good time later. And it doesn’t matter, because he’s happy by how things are going great these days.

Good things are coming their way.

***

**January 13th, 2017**  
 **Seoul, South Korea**

**D – 120**

It’s another Friday night.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun are enjoying some free time on their apartment, resting after a long day at work. Baekhyun is sitting cross-legged on the couch with his legs tucked under each other on the opposite side from Chanyeol, who is sitting on the grand piano’s stool, busy tinkering his projects on his computer.

The sound of 60’s jazz music—the classic song of The Supremes’ _You Can’t Hurry Love_ from the old days of 1966—from Chanyeol’s vintage gramophone lulls them into a relaxing atmosphere. The unique sound-producing machine is one of his and Baekhyun’s favorite things they owned, which he bought from an obsolescent shop that sells mementos of the past. Sometimes soft buzzing sounds can be heard from the gramophone's stylus grazing the vinyl softly, adding the authentic feel of the pop-retro days of the sixties. He likes to buy vinyl records because he and Baekhyun have the same love over the eight-inch diameter black discs, the same habit of listening to them, and most importantly, the same liking in dancing along the songs.

At times and aside playful dancing, when Baekhyun is feeling generous he will accept Chanyeol’s offer to do a number of ballroom dance with him. All furniture will be moved aside to perimeter of the living room just so they can dance leisurely, with Chanyeol dragging everything around while Baekhyun pretending to help Chanyeol by not exactly doing the pushing, which usually will end up in them laughing at an already tired Chanyeol.

They love to dance to numerous genres; swing, foxtrot, salsa, tap, and tango, but their best friend is waltz. They're no professional, doing it just for the fun, but the combination of Chanyeol’s highly diligent self to learn the moves himself from the internet and Baekhyun’s love of classical music they usually dance to, does the trick. Sometimes they just do slow dancing to the slow cello and piano melodies of Camille Saint-Saëns’ 1886 _Le Carnaval des Animaux_ , R.125: XIII. _Le Cygne_ for hours until the clock strikes twelve, with just Baekhyun resting his head on Chanyeol’s chest, and Chanyeol’s hands guiding them throughout the night.

For now Chanyeol is currently checking his latest studio project on his computer, refining some tunes, matching the tones by trying it on the grand piano, then clicking away the odd melodies. After he saved the files, deeming it's good enough to present to his client, he eyes Baekhyun from his peripheral vision. Baekhyun is still sitting on the couch, legs now stretched out to rest on top of the coffee table, while he read a design magazine with upper half of his face that isn’t covered by the magazine giving off a serious vibe and his phone centimeters away from him.

Come to think of it, it’s been a couple of weeks since the last time Chanyeol danced together with Baekhyun at their living room, so why don’t he use tonight to revive their old days of ballroom dancing to celebrate their engagement? He also wants to tell Baekhyun a surprise news later, so the timing is perfect. So then he picks up all of his music sheets to compile it back into its folder and turns off his computer, putting them back inside his work bag before rising up and calls Baekhyun’s name.

“Hyunnie?” Chanyeol calls tentatively. To him, Baekhyun looks like he’s immersed in his read, so he tries as much to use his softest voice to call the small man as he doesn’t want to bother him.

There’s no reply coming Chanyeol’s way for his question. Now Baekhyun’s face is completely obscured by the magazine, his sitting stance sagging a little bit into a half lying position. He wonders why isn’t he replying, but the sudden lurch of Baekhyun’s head makes him think that Baekhyun might be sleeping behind the magazine. While he was working at his grand piano, he did see Baekhyun sleepily nodding off several times, eyes half closed, before waking up again to continue his read—he almost wanted to carry Baekhyun to their bedroom and tuck him to bed.

Chanyeol is about to retry and call Baekhyun again to ask him if he wants him to carry him back to bed, with a much quieter tone this time, when suddenly Baekhyun’s phone beeps thrice, signaling a new notification coming in. Then Baekhyun’s head pops up from the top of the magazine, his freshly woken up face that resembles a lost puppy finally shows itself. He was right, Baekhyun dozed off.

Shocked by the beeping sounds, Baekhyun wakes up with a start, sending the magazine on his hands tumbling down to the floor. The blinking blue notification light of his phone helps him shakes sleep off of him. Then he recovers quickly as he takes his magazine from the floor and snatches his phone to find a new text message.

Chanyeol observes Baekhyun’s face, it’s a habit he does all the time, to permanently paint the walls of his brain with details of Baekhyun. So, of course he notices it when Baekhyun’s sleepy, freshly woken up face transforms into a vexed one, almost as if he’s greatly troubled by whatever he’s reading. By nature, he immediately approaches Baekhyun and settles himself to sit next to the small man on the couch. “What’s wrong, Hyunnie?”

Baekhyun glances a moment at him, face unreadable and calculating hard. Then he does something that no one expects—he stands up only to find a seat at the neighboring couch, slanting his phone sideways as if he purposefully wants Chanyeol unable to take a peek. “Nothing, Yeol.”

People might take that answer or maybe wouldn’t spare another glance and just leave it alone, but he’s Chanyeol, so he knows from the words and the gesture there’s something off. So he tries to call Baekhyun again, this time with a different intonation of urgency. “Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun only hums as a reply, eyes still reading whatever is written on his phone, completely ignoring Chanyeol’s inquiring looks, even after Chanyeol had fully turn his body towards him.

“ _Baek. Hyun._ ” Chanyeol repeats, this time with pressed emphasis on each syllable. The lackluster of response somehow starts to irk him…

These days Chanyeol notices that Baekhyun, even after coming home from work, is still busy on his phone—whether it’s texting with too much seriousness on his face or on the phone with someone, talking fast with hushed voices. He knows for sure after living with Baekhyun for years that: first, Baekhyun honors quality times, he’s not that kind of person who’s attached with their gadgets twenty four seven. Second, one call is always enough to get him Baekhyun’s attention and the small man clinging on him. Third, Baekhyun always tell him anything, be it private problems, work rambles or trivial everyday topics. So, this sight of Baekhyun being too silent and unresponsive is new and pretty confusing for him to see.

Not sure if Chanyeol is being paranoid or not, but what makes it more absurd is that whenever Baekhyun types something, he will always check if there are people behind him or not—especially Chanyeol. He knows this because one time Baekhyun acted like a culprit afraid of being caught when he out of nowhere appeared behind him while he was typing. The same for phone calls, Baekhyun will always excuse himself out, keeping his distance with Chanyeol before accepting the call.

But well, it seems like only by the syllable emphasis method then Chanyeol can catch his attention, because slowly Baekhyun’s face rises up.

“What’s up, Chan. Yeol?” Baekhyun replies, trying to return something that he thought Chanyeol’s attempt at joking. But even after that curt reply his stare is back on his phone, hands back to typing away again.

“Who is that you’re messaging to?” Chanyeol asks. He isn’t one with a hobby to meddle or stick his nose in people’s business, but in Baekhyun’s case he can’t help but ask.

“Oh, um. A coworker.” Baekhyun replies thirty seconds late, still distracted, thumbs moving fast. Obviously his mind is still on his phone, not for one second his eyes leave his phone screen and look at Chanyeol in the eyes, like he used to do.

“Oh." Chanyeol says. He doesn’t ask further, but anyone who knows him will recognize the irritated tone underlying his seemingly polite tone to make people think it doesn’t bother him, actually means that there’s something wrong. To him, the word _oh_ can mean so much—it can be as dangerous as hateful words or it can contain pages of emotions, if said in the right tone.

Baekhyun, of course, knows that fact by heart. He senses Chanyeol’s unspoken question, so he feels obligatory to tell Chanyeol further about the recipient of his texts. So he quickly finishes his text, taps the send button, locked his phone and moves back to his previous seat to sit beside Chanyeol. “Yeol? It’s my assistant and his name is Oh Sehun. We have tons of work these days, and as you know I’m the head of my department, so it’s my duty to help him and show him the customs of our company.”

Surprisingly, Chanyeol feels at ease after hearing Baekhyun’s explanation and relieved to see that he finally gets Baekhyun’s full attention now. Every thought he had on his mind are flushed away, maybe Baekhyun’s newfound habit of spending too much time on his phone is just a temporary thing. “Oh I see, is he new? I have never heard or seen him before. Tell me about him, about your day, and I’ll tell you mine.” He says, smiling, excited by how things are leveling up. Finally, a quality time for the both of them, and they can dance later after this.

“Yes, an intern, some sort of a new kid on the block. Don’t worry about him much… he’s nice. And tell me yours first.” Baekhyun replies, smiling for the first time. Then he snuggles closer to Chanyeol, positioning himself like he always does—his arms circling Chanyeol’s arm, hugging it close to his body, his legs folded next to Chanyeol’s, and his head placed on top of Chanyeol’s shoulder.

Chanyeol feels like he just won the lottery, a jackpot, complete with the biggest bear on the shelf.

So, with Baekhyun back in his arms, Chanyeol tells him everything that happened in the studio today, complete with his own reenactments and detailed parts. He’s about to tell him about the cherry on top of his day, about his newly signed contract with a breakthrough recording company to use his talents and studio for the mixing process of a currently skyrocketing soloist, when he realizes Baekhyun isn’t looking at him anymore. No—let him rephrase that—Baekhyun isn’t even hearing what he is saying, judging by the way the small man is currently directing his unfocused gaze at nothing.

Again, this isn’t something Baekhyun does, ignoring Chanyeol’s storytelling time. Baekhyun usually always comments on everything he says, making the original storytelling time length from approximately ten minutes into two hours because of Baekhyun's constant interruptions that always resulted in their incessant laughter.

“Hyunnie?” Chanyeol calls, inspecting Baekhyun’s face closely. He can’t believe it, but the water of Baekhyun’s face looks as if a murky white substance is covering him, not allowing him to see through. Baekhyun seems to be in a trance, spacing out, but he snapped out of whatever it is with a gentle shake on his shoulder. “Baekhyun?”

With a slow turn of his head, almost in a dazed manner, Baekhyun looks back at Chanyeol. His face clearly saying he's genuinely surprised from the small shake Chanyeol gave him. “Sorry, Yeol. What were you talking about?”

If there’s one thing in the world that Chanyeol absolutely hates, it’s to be when he has to repeat the things he said from the start. This rule applies to anyone, but never to Baekhyun. Baekhyun is always the only exception. So, after he looked at Baekhyun’s face and sees how he has Baekhyun’s attention again, he brightens again, he starts to recount his surprise news for Baekhyun. “So, I was just saying that I want to tell you how I got—”

Then a loud ring of Baekhyun’s phone interrupts Chanyeol’s sentence. Both jumps at the intruding sound, and Baekhyun immediately disentangles himself from their hug and leaves Chanyeol’s side to reach for his phone on the coffee table.

“Who is it, Hyunnie?” Chanyeol asks. Automatically he stands up and walks closer to a standing Baekhyun whose eyes are glued to his phone screen again, body frozen as if seeing a ghost. To make it more dubious, somehow Baekhyun just lets the phone ring and ring again in his hands. Curious at the odd behavior, he tries to call Baekhyun’s name again. “Hyunnie?”

No answer. Chanyeol tries again as he waves his hand in front of Baekhyun’s face, feeling more confused than ever. “Baekhyun?”

“Baekhy—” Observing from the grave look Baekhyun gives his still ringing phone, as if it will deliver bad luck anytime soon, Chanyeol knows he’s lost at getting Baekhyun’s attention. The latter probably doesn’t realize he has been calling his name for four times now.

Chanyeol sighs silently, giving up. He really wants to tell Baekhyun about his contract, he wants to thank Baekhyun for how much he had helped him, supported him, and been there for him through the process since the first day he tried to seize the deal. His dream that means everything to him just came true, but at what cost? He can’t even share the news to Baekhyun. The excitement from today vanishes and is replaced by a building dismay in his heart. Everything is nothing without Baekhyun.

The ringing of Baekhyun’s phone goes on and on, and Chanyeol observes the now dreading look on Baekhyun’s face, as the latter just watches the device as if his gaze will magically answer the call. He opens his mouth, about to ask if it’s the Sehun intern again, and if he can speak with him to stop disturbing them since it's the time for family quality time, when suddenly Baekhyun moves away farther from him and gives him the hand, signing him to stop.

Baekhyun doesn’t even turn or give him a look before exiting the living room, leaving Chanyeol to feel the first time ever in his history with Baekhyun, a strange feeling he just discovered to be an excruciating pain in his heart.

Somewhere behind him, the gramophone tunes out, stopping the train of happy melodies just in time when Chanyeol feels like his happiness drains out of him.

The vinyl record is back on its album sleeve and all that is heard is the gramophone’s stylus screeching against the turntable, slowing down to stop completely, but the words along with its cheery tunes Diana Ross and the girls of The Supremes just sang for them are still dancing around, tiptoeing invisibly in Chanyeol’s head.

_You can’t hurry love_   
_No, you’ll just have to wait  
Love don’t come easy  
But it’s a game of give and take_

But then he remembers his true intention for the night—the thing he’s been keeping especially for Baekhyun. And so, the image of two airplane tickets to Osaka and two two-days studio passes complete with express entrance passes to Universal Studios Japan that Chanyeol prepared for them floats in front of his eyes. He’s going to give it as a surprise for Baekhyun to celebrate today’s achievement that him and his studio’s managed to get… But now it seems like Baekhyun is too busy and he needs to reschedule. Or worse, cancel it.

As he walks back to the couch and sits himself down in defeat, the indistinctive but still painful nevertheless pounding on his head starts to show itself again.

Since two weeks ago Chanyeol has been experiencing regular headaches that feels like a big hammer giving his head dull throbs every day, and sometimes at the morning it gets magnified tenfold. But what just happened tonight gives him the worst pain yet to his head, it feels like thousands of needles puncturing his brain. Maybe he’ll take aspirin tablets later.

_You can’t hurry love  
No, you’ll just have to wait  
Just trust in a good time  
No matter how long it takes_

To think it through, maybe what happened tonight also serves as his first time ever to practice the psychological technique of mindfulness—in which he should just focus his full attention only on the present times, experiencing and exploring new thoughts and sensations, without ever judging them and involving his personal feelings. Maybe it will help him reduce the newfound stress that starts to pull him down and the physical pain that starts to throb from the shock he just felt for the first time.

Well, Chanyeol used to think every first time is a thrilling experience.

Like the first time he saw Baekhyun. The first time he realized he loves Baekhyun. Their first kisses. The first time he and Baekhyun went to see a horror movie that made Baekhyun cling to him throughout the movie, and him smiling like crazy even though the screen showed the heroines being chased by a serial killer. The first time they went to a water park: Baekhyun challenging him to try rafting—them reenacting the famous scene of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter at the Dueling Club; Baekhyun’s _Scared, Park?_ with him on tiptoes but still having to look up versus Chanyeol’s _You wish, Byun._ with him still able to look down on the smaller man—that ended up with Baekhyun hugging him tightly and screaming for his life; or them spending hours at the wave pools, sneaking under the shade of the water fountains to make out. They ended the day with thirty minutes worth of Ferris wheel where they watched the sky changed its guard from the sun to the moon.

But he realizes he forgot that like the ever changing night and day, there are always two sides of a coin—for every happy thing that comes to you there is a sad thing waiting to show itself up. Like now, for example.

So, this is how it feels like, his first heartbreak. In the peculiar and confusing bridge between the new addition to his firsts and a heartbreak… There’s Baekhyun standing in the middle, held in his hands are the two halves of Chanyeol’s heart. But he can’t let himself feel agitated or even just slightly mad at Baekhyun. Well, after a second thought, to call it a _heartbreak_ seems so brutal—he’s not sure, maybe it’s just a disappointment masking itself as a heartbreak? Maybe.

_How much heartaches must I stand  
Before I find the love to let me live again?  
Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on  
When I feel my strength, it’s almost gone_

Even though at night—when he and Baekhyun are back lying on their bed, going to sleep but still not saying anything to each other—to the sea of floating dreams he tries to offer the heavy load in his mind… he can’t let the sickening, almost nauseating feeling go.

There’s a thin, satin-soft string of red ribbon connecting their hearts that goes down from Chanyeol’s heart to line along his arm and hand as it goes to beeline into Baekhyun’s hand and arm, before ending at Baekhyun’s heart.

But now it seems like with Baekhyun in a far away distance from him, somehow the ribbon turns into a rope… and the newfangled feeling of a heartbreak pushes Chanyeol down the cliff and left him hanging, the rope pulled down by the dead weight of his guilt and now it’s constricting his heart. It puts him just like a hostage under the reign of love, he can't let go the boltrope when the turbulent wind swings and lifts him up, not knowing when he will stop or where he will end up, tongue-tied. He can only hope Baekhyun doesn’t let go…

_How long must I wait  
How much more must I take  
Before loneliness  
Will cause my heart to break?_

So Chanyeol stays awake, and looking to his right he finds Baekhyun sleeping soundlessly next to him. Just like the usual. But he notices their new position; even though he’s almost lying in the middle of the bed, Baekhyun is curling on his sleep too far from him at the edge of the bed with his back on him.

Slowly, as to not wake Baekhyun up, he gets up, sitting himself on the bed to face Baekhyun’s sleeping figure. Kneeling on the bed, he then slips his hands under Baekhyun’s back and knees, bringing Baekhyun’s body closer to him, before placing Baekhyun’s head on the pillow gently.

After properly pulling up the blankets up to Baekhyun’s shoulder and making sure his arms are placed comfortably folded on his chest, Chanyeol lies back himself on the bed right next to Baekhyun, placing his arms around the sleeping man.

Even on his sleep, as if he can sense Chanyeol near him while watching over him and knows what Chanyeol wants, Baekhyun suddenly scoots his body closer to Chanyeol’s, moves his arm to rest on Chanyeol’s waist, and burrows his head on the space below Chanyeol’s arm.

As he stares long at Baekhyun’s sleeping face, Chanyeol thinks over what happened today. He really doesn’t know what to say. But just like when he’s flipping a coin as he watches the flattened bronze cylinder flies midair, waiting for which side that will turn up… Maybe he should just be like those forbearing priests who perseveringly wait by the church. He will be on his knees as he goes praying how he wishes someday he could speak up, so he wouldn’t be caught up and away be carried on the tempest.

Seeing the way Baekhyun sleepily snuggles closer to him again and looking like a puppy seeking for warmth assures Chanyeol, more than words are ever enough. So, he decides he will give Baekhyun a chance. He hopes he still have Baekhyun cuddling him when he wakes up in the next morning. He hopes he still have Baekhyun in his days to come.

And among the floods of maybes in his head, maybe he should just let this one go. This is only the first time, anyway. It's no big deal, there won't be a next time, right?

_Chanyeol 0 – Baekhyun +1_

***

**February 18th, 2017**  
 **Seoul, South Korea**

**D – 84**

It's Saturday.

Chanyeol’s Saturday morning is started with him answering a call from the wedding organizer duo on the bed, with this time Jongin as the representative to inform him the further steps of the arrangements of his and Baekhyun’s wedding. And as he replies to the cheery goodbyes sent his way from both Jongin and Kyungsoo before hanging up, he looks to the space next to him.

The term _breathtaking_ is applicable so, so much to the sight he catches.

The snow white cotton sheets of their bed compliments the chubby cheeks of his sleeping Baekhyun, with his dark chocolate brown hair strands falling in contrast, the way one of his hands clinging lightly on Chanyeol’s shirt like babies grasping on their mothers’ finger, the way Baekhyun’s perpetually warm hands sometimes unconsciously sneak to Chanyeol’s neck to softly pull himself closer to the tall man, the way Baekhyun’s nose scrunches cutely every time Chanyeol kisses him in his sleep just to tease him, and the way soft mumblings come out of Baekhyun’s slightly parted red lips that more than once don’t make sense but still Chanyeol cherish so much.

And because all of that, Chanyeol thinks their bedroom is just like the vault of heaven; the blue walls as the open out sky and their bed with the pillows as the clouds, and both he and Baekhyun can be the kings of the cloud kingdom.

Straightening himself while placing a pillow behind his back to properly sit himself on the bed, Chanyeol decides to wake his little king up.

“Baby? It’s time to wake up.” Chanyeol says ever so softly as to not startle Baekhyun, while his fingers go to trace Baekhyun's features tenderly to admire the face he’ll be seeing in every morning; from his slight frown—probably from the dream the little king is having—on his forehead, the blossom of his ears, the constellation of his moles, the glistening buns of his cheeks and finally, the rose petals of his pink lips.

Baekhyun stirs a little bit, mumbling something that almost sounded like _I have to keep him safe_ , arms somehow finding its own way to circle on Chanyeol’s waist and body moving to snuggle his head closer to him, his hands gripping Chanyeol’s shirt tightly.

Chanyeol chuckles, trying to guess for a moment what is the plot of Baekhyun’s dream this time. He remembers lots of Baekhyun’s amazingly imaginative dreams—the funny thing is that most of the dreams are food related, even some are the dishes Chanyeol cooked for them. So far there are adventures in Lasagna Land, saving the Plum Princess, and hiking the Macaroni Mountains, but his favorite is probably the stories of Prince Byun and Knight Park. Then he decides to wake Baekhyun up with another tactic: kissing his eyelids.

This time Baekhyun’s eyelids flicker for a few times before he opens his eyes. “Yeol,” a wide yawn turns him into a roaring baby lion, and his hair does seem like a lion’s hare, and Chanyeol can’t help but coo at the view. “Did I manage to save—?” He slurs, his face looking like he’s worried about something.

That does it for Chanyeol. He laughs, planning to go along wherever scenario of Baekhyun’s dream leads them. “Yes, you did, my tiny little hero,” he places one more kiss on Baekhyun’s cheeks. “And now we’re back at Seoul.”

Baekhyun’s worried face transforms into a confused one before it softens into an amused one, smiling. “That was a dream?” A nod from Chanyeol turns his smile into a chuckle. “You could’ve told me, Yeol. How come you’re awake earlier than me?” Ever since the Saturday shifts Junmyeon gave him, he is always the first to wake up on Saturday mornings.

“Jongin just called me, he said that we need to be at the Prospekt’s Restaurant by eight this morning to do the cake tasting and picking our menu for the wedding lunch with him and Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol says animatedly, after he deems Baekhyun is awake enough and back from the dreamland to listen to him. With all these wedding preparation business he feels like a little kid building up a miniature Lego fort, putting bricks one by one.

Meanwhile, Chanyeol’s fort building partner, Baekhyun, grumbles again in his half asleep state. As much as he enjoys getting woken up by Chanyeol’s kisses, touches and deep voice whispering things that always successful to make his cheeks go red, all he wants is more sleeping time. “Uh, do we really have to go? I’m so sleepy… What time is it anyway?”

“Um, thirty past seven.” Chanyeol replies casually, whistling while he stands up, taking a few minutes just to untangle himself from now octopus baby Baekhyun—whose tentacles-like hands seem like it won’t let go its hold on his waist—and goes to open the curtains to let the sunshine in.

“Oh, thirty past seven… okay,” Baekhyun yawns again, his free hands now are on his eyes to rub off his sleep. “Wait. Chanyeol—thirty past seven so it’s—it’s thirty minutes to the appointed time!” He scrambles to get out of bed, but having just woken up, his body isn’t ready and he lost his balance, almost toppling over—

Chanyeol is fast to catch Baekhyun as he secures Baekhyun’s shoulders and back, immediately carrying him up in his arms. “Hyunnie, be careful,” he places him back on their bed, pulling all pillows he can reach to support Baekhyun’s head and back, getting him on half sleeping position. He also covers Baekhyun’s body with some blankets for good measure. “Easy and slow does it…”

Then Chanyeol slips himself to lie next to Baekhyun on the little space left at the edge of the bed, and without asked he wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s body, gripping Baekhyun’s arms and rubbing it gently to add more warmth into his hug.

Baekhyun feels so at home in Chanyeol’s arms, he really can spend all of his life there and he’d be satisfied, he can spend a billion years curling under Chanyeol's safe haven. The thumps of Chanyeol’s heartbeats, the constant rising and falling of Chanyeol’s chest, Chanyeol’s ticklish warm breaths and his gentle whispers of reassurances telling him it’s going to be okay, do wonders to help him slip back into the dreamy abyss of sleep.

As Baekhyun stares up, slowly opening his eyes again, the sunlight that escapes through the windows creates a halo around Chanyeol’s head’s silhouette. He swears he can see Chanyeol’s face emerges blinking into his vision, and he hears him whispers a soft _it’s alright._

Baekhyun’s eyes move to Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon eyes, which under the light the orbs turn to look like the sunlight is shining through a nice snifter of Louis Royer’s Limousin oak aged cognac. And just like the fine premium spirit, as he stares deep inside, he sees a strong but tender loving look tinted with attentive care and a bit of worry, that reminds him of the length Chanyeol would have gone through if he as much as prickled his thumb with a tiny needle. So he slowly closes his eyes, drowsiness pulling him back again…

Suddenly, there’s an almost inaudible beeping sound coming from their side.

Chanyeol recognizes the sound, it’s Baekhyun’s phone, and he’s right. One look into the bedside table he finds Baekhyun’s phone screen lit up from the new notification. He glances at Baekhyun who is now curling back to sleep, pulling the blankets up to his cheeks’ height to wrap it all over his figure, making him look like a tiny hedgehog with his bed hair sticking up here and there. So he decides to check Baekhyun’s phone for him, maybe it’s important. Or if it’s Junmyeon maybe he can tell him to let Baekhyun to arrive later for work since they have an appointment.

Chanyeol slowly stands up to take Baekhyun’s phone from the bedside table and presses the home button, showing him the screen asking him to enter the passcode. Smiling, slowly he types in the passcode that he knows Baekhyun uses for years since their university days, which is a combination of their birthdays: _276115_. Then he hums cheerily, waiting the screen to show him the home screen in any second.

But what happens next can only erase the smile on Chanyeol’s face and furrow his eyebrows instead. He feels the phone vibrates in his hand, the screen showing him the shaking sentence that says _incorrect passcode entered_. He frowns, the passcode he entered is the one he’s so sure is the correct one, Baekhyun has been using the passcode for almost ten years…

He tries again, this time making sure to use both of his thumbs to type it slowly in the right order. Another phone vibrate greets his hand and the shaking words of _incorrect passcode entered_ again comes into view… weird. He’s going to try again for one last time, but—

“Yeol?” Baekhyun calls sleepily, eyes still closed but his left hand poking out from his blanket bundle to search for Chanyeol. Without question or any further ado, if he’s lying on their bed, be it sleeping or just lazing around, at any time of the day Chanyeol usually joins him to create their own tangled mess of limbs. So he can only wonder why he isn’t bombarded yet with kisses all over his face and tight hugs from the tall man when he’s already snuggled comfortably on the bed. “Where are you…”

Hearing his sleepy little hedgehog’s call, Chanyeol sits himself back on Baekhyun’s side of the bed and grabs Baekhyun’s hand, rubbing it softly. “Hyunnie, I’m here. Is there anything you need?”

The slight dip of the bed mattress makes Baekhyun open his eyes, with Chanyeol’s face coming into view. “Oh hi again, Yeol. Nothing—wait I mean I need you to cuddle with me—” then his eyes travel down to see Chanyeol’s hand, which is holding his phone, screen lighting up to show a notification of a text message. At the sight, he abruptly he sits up, almost sending Chanyeol tumbling down to the bedroom floor. “What are you doing?”

The reply Baekhyun just gave manages to make Chanyeol, who is currently looking at Baekhyun’s phone screen again, to snap his head up. Is it his ears playing tricks on him or Baekhyun’s voice just now sounds so… Harshly offended? Even almost angry? And he thinks he sees a flash of dread in Baekhyun’s eyes too… “I—I, uh, there’s a new notification and I was just—”

Before Chanyeol gets the chance to finish his sentence, Baekhyun snatches the phone away from his hands, almost clawing it out of Chanyeol’s fingers. He holds it out of Chanyeol’s reach, hawk eyes piercing Chanyeol’s confused stares. “What did you see?”

“Nothing—I didn’t get the chance to see anything, it’s hidden anyway,” Chanyeol tries to explain hastily, taken aback by the sudden a hundred and eighty degrees change on Baekhyun. To him, Baekhyun looks so tense, his face features rigid, his stance screams defensive. Then he remembers what happened when he tried to open Baekhyun’s phone. Cautiously, he tries to ask. “But—did you change your passcode?”

Thirty seconds pass and no answer. Chanyeol lets out a strangled laugh to drown the sickening tension. “Or maybe it’s my giant thumbs typing in the passcode incorrectly?” He feebly tries to joke it out.

But Baekhyun doesn’t have his eyes on Chanyeol anymore, and stays silent. He unlocks the phone quickly and tilts the screen to his side, as if not letting any side of his phone screen shown to Chanyeol. He checks the notifications tab and finds a reminder. “I have to go. I have work to do at Sehun’s place. Jongno-gu.”

The reply stops Chanyeol from fiddling with his thumbs. So the person that keeps Baekhyun awake at night and makes Baekhyun too occupied in his phone the whole time is… Sehun? “But Hyunnie, today we have—”

Again, without letting Chanyeol to finish what he has to say, Baekhyun quickly throws the blanket covering his body, hastily scrambles out of the bed and stands up, almost forcing Chanyeol to get out of his way. “I really have to go.”

But beneath the sudden shove and stern words, Chanyeol sees again a fleeting shadow of fear and confusion mixed with guilt on Baekhyun’s face. But what does it all mean? The way Baekhyun’s self can change so drastic in a split second, as if night and day can be turned upside down as easy as turning his palm… He wants to ask further but he doesn’t want it to make a problem to rise and make things worse. He doesn’t know what he did wrong but he feels Baekhyun’s stare a few minutes ago is skinning him alive, making him feel guilty for something he doesn’t know.

“Where are you going?” Chanyeol asks carefully, standing in front of Baekhyun to look into his eyes. Maybe he can find whatever is bothering Baekhyun that way.

“I’m just—I’m going to wash my face and brush my teeth for a sec,” Baekhyun replies tersely, only staring at his feet as he does so, never letting Chanyeol see into his eyes. “Excuse me.”

After an excruciating thirty seconds of a staring contest—finding no answer in Baekhyun’s eyes—Chanyeol unwillingly steps aside, letting Baekhyun walk away to the bathroom. What he doesn’t expect is for Baekhyun to close the bathroom door when he’s almost close to never doing that. But wait—he doesn’t know if it correlates with each other—when they were going to meet Jongin and Kyungsoo for their first appointment—didn’t Baekhyun also close the bathroom door and bolted it shut?

Chanyeol stares at the closed bathroom door that hides Baekhyun behind it, concerned. He ransacks his brain, trying to find an answer. What is happening?

This is another day where Chanyeol feels… distant. Another first to be clipped in the book of his firsts, because this is the first time he ever feels a real distance bridging between him and Baekhyun.  
Even though with bare, untrained eyes there’s no change at all—Baekhyun still lives in the same space with him and sleeps right next to him. But as experience of reading Baekhyun like translating guitar chords taught him, Chanyeol feels it. The drastic changes are drilling into his mind all day and making his heart thumping in an alarming way, as if he can only sit, tied down to watch as water slowly going in to his sinking boat. He can list it all.

The changes make Chanyeol feels like he run across an unknown path that leads his mind astray. Without question, the confusion throws him off balance. This isn’t like the usual Baekhyun.

The usual Baekhyun loves getting kissed, he even doesn’t care if Chanyeol tries to kiss him when he’s sick, having a mild flu, or a coughing fit. Even back in the days when they used to play battlefield during rainy days that caused Baekhyun to catch a cold, he would do anything to get to Chanyeol, trying to kiss him just so Chanyeol could catch a cold too and they could skip classes together. And when Chanyeol’s long legs managed to get himself out of reach, Baekhyun then would change his tactic and ask for a kiss as his medicine instead, which Chanyeol would lovingly gives.

But now, Baekhyun frequently comes home from work too silent for his usual self, too tired to even properly greet or kiss him back, too occupied with something in his mind to listen to his stories. Where’s the Baekhyun who always return his kisses even more, who can still kiss him breathless in front of everyone’s eyes just like when they were at the roller skating rink? Where’s the Baekhyun that dances with him anytime they can, whenever he ask him? Who always spare more than enough time for him?

The usual Baekhyun loves eating the food Chanyeol cooked, even loves to watch Chanyeol work his magic with what the small man said _pots as your cauldron and ladle as your wand!_ and took part cooking with Chanyeol—creating a loud band of his own by banging the kitchen utensils on pans, messing around by tasting every piece of ingredient he’s cooking and ending up eating all the half done dishes, or starting a flour fight by smearing the white powder on Chanyeol’s cheeks that usually end up in them having to clean the whole apartment.

But these days, Baekhyun’s plate, which Chanyeol always fill up to its brim with food, is never finished—more than half of the content goes to the sink and down the drain. Where’s the Baekhyun who always eats everything he cooked, who always insists them to eat together and talk about everything until late at night even when their plates are already empty, who brings him sweet delicacies whenever he's back from the office to share not only the cake together but also to share the smile and the love he has for them?

The usual Baekhyun loves getting hugged, nestling himself in Chanyeol’s embrace, getting carried in Chanyeol’s arms, and riding piggybacks on Chanyeol’s back. Not just fifteen minutes ago, the small man even clung onto Chanyeol’s waist on their bed. They used to be so close, tight in each other’s embrace like bookends.

But now if he reflects back, Chanyeol recognizes another weird pattern of Baekhyun at rare times shying away from his touches, not letting him to praise his body like they used to do. Now Baekhyun always wears oversized sweatshirts and loose pants as if hiding his body from him. The small man even jumps in shock from as much as a gentle grip of Chanyeol’s hand on his shoulder, which is purely intended only to massage him. Where’s Baekhyun when he needs him the most?

As he plumps down onto the bed, he thinks about how this sudden change never happened in the ten years he’s been with Baekhyun. Chanyeol racks his brain—what can he do to make Baekhyun stay? What is happening to Baekhyun?

Chanyeol tries to recount what happened yesterday. The only thing that comes up is that last night he and Baekhyun stayed up and went to sleep late. But this time it was different, they weren’t doing something together like they used to. He was up because Baekhyun was still not sleeping way past one in the morning, his eyes glued on the screen of his phone. Baekhyun didn’t ate the dinner he cooked, not eating the small snacks of sautéed pieces of meat wrapped by strings of melted cheese and not drinking mango punch he made to at least make him eat. He still doesn’t know what kept Baekhyun up typing away in his phone, again.

Then the bathroom door swings open, before it’s following by the turning of the keys and the metal clicking sound of the bolt unlocked. Baekhyun strides away to get his backpack that hangs on the hanging pole next to the bedroom door.

"Hyunnie, where are you going—” Chanyeol stands up, now trying to use his hands to tackle Baekhyun back to sit on bed with the intention to talk to him.

As quick as a lightning flashing on a thunderstorm, Baekhyun stops Chanyeol’s movement, hands firm on Chanyeol’s shoulders. His face inching away from Chanyeol, scrunched as a silent rejection. “Work. I told you _already_ , didn’t I?”

“But you haven’t eaten anything,” Chanyeol starts to argue, turning his back to head to the kitchen and get some food for Baekhyun to eat. Maybe that way Baekhyun will reconsider and take a seat so they can have a talk. “I can cook you anything you want—”

But all Baekhyun sees is another chance to run for it with Chanyeol’s back on him. Scurrying quickly, he goes to find his phone and car keys. “I need to go now, I’ll eat on my way—”

Seeing Baekhyun trying to flee, Chanyeol spreads his arms again to block his way. Then he tries to defer Baekhyun from going by putting away Baekhyun’s phone and car keys behind his back and one hand holding Baekhyun’s shoulder to stop him from moving. “But you even haven’t showered yet—”

“I’ll do it at Sehun’s, I’ve got my clothes and toiletries with me.” Baekhyun cuts Chanyeol short, as his hands snake into Chanyeol’s back, trying to get his stolen belongings.

That silences Chanyeol, completely petrifying him. He swears he can feel his heart stopped beating for a second before it beats again, this time every thud gets louder and more… Painful.

With Chanyeol freezing in front of him, Baekhyun manages to slip away behind Chanyeol’s back and discreetly grabs his phone and keys Chanyeol tries to hide, and wanders away around their bedroom to get his things, almost jogging.

“I really need to go, I’ll explain later—” Baekhyun says in haste. As he talks, he hurriedly dresses himself with a sweater and a pair of loose pants over his t-shirt and shorts, grabs his now full backpack and hurries to get out of their bedroom.

The disturbance that happened almost made Chanyeol forget about their appointment.

“But Hyunnie, we have go to see Jongin and Kyungsoo today, we made an appointment and the both of us need to be there—” Chanyeol replies, trying to find any reason to make Baekhyun stay. He has his every movement mirroring Baekhyun’s, following the latter wherever he goes. But no matter what he says, Baekhyun ignores him and Baekhyun’s back is all he sees. He really wants to grab Baekhyun’s wrist and sit him down, but he doesn’t want to hurt Baekhyun.

“You can go to the cake tasting and menu setting yourself, you know what I like,” Baekhyun replies, disregarding the last sentence Chanyeol said. “Bye!” He shrugs off the hold Chanyeol manages to get on his backpack strap, and he exits the apartment just in a matter of second, not giving Chanyeol any chance to argue or even to say anything.

The train of things that just happened astounds Chanyeol. First of all, he’s so worried about Baekhyun’s sudden behavior change after he saw him holding his phone, and even more utterly confused as to why Baekhyun changed his passcode. Second after that, comes an indescribable feeling where he’s a bit envious Baekhyun puts Sehun—he meant _work_ —first before him and the cake tasting event for their wedding.

But then again, he trusts Baekhyun, he shouldn’t micro-analyze everything Baekhyun did and stress himself up over something he’s still not sure about. Maybe the passcode change is just to keep his coworkers from taking a peek, since if he were to think more of it, Junmyeon likes hijacking Baekhyun’s phone, so maybe that’s the reason. As for Baekhyun leaving for work instead of going with him to their appointment, he knows the responsibilities Baekhyun has with his job, and Baekhyun has told and given him the permission to go alone, anyway.

And that is just what Chanyeol did.

Even though it was hard to pretend the questioning looks coming from Jongin and worried stares thrown by Kyungsoo as to why he came alone were fine by him, he picked all of his and Baekhyun’s favorite. For their cake, he chose a simple, happy themed cake; a simple two-tiered strawberry cheesecake with vanilla ice creams mixed with pieces of strawberries piled on top, garnished with rainbow sprinkles and chocolate syrup crisscrossing the cake’s surface.

And as for the wedding lunch Chanyeol chose traditional Korean banquet lunch set, carefully picking their favorites. Main course including five-grain rice, king prawns with pine-nut sauce, mushroom _bulgogi_ , stir-fried octopus, grilled halibut, smoked duck, _kimchi_ and grilled pork rib, crab meat broccoli, parboiled shrimp, grilled _tteokgalbi_ , and squid sausages.

For side dishes, he chose _dalkgangjeong_ or sweet crispy fried chicken, _bulgogi naengchae_ or cold salad of marinated fresh beef slices, _japchae_ or stir-fried glass noodles and veggies, _galbitang_ or short rib soup, potato salad, _tangpyeongchae_ or mung bean jelly salad, and choices of mung bean soup and pumpkin soup.

As for complementary dishes, he chose _mattang_ or candied sweet potato, two types of seasonal herbs, three types of _kimchi_ , three types of assorted _ssambap_ or leaves wraps, _omija_ or magnolia berry tea, three types of rice cakes, and three types of fruits.

After Jongin and Kyungsoo deemed their meeting for the day is enough, Chanyeol comes home, expecting to see Baekhyun back at their apartment. With a happy thought he even bought some almond chocolate bars for Baekhyun since it’s his favorite.

But Baekhyun is still not back, and the apartment is still empty.

Sometimes he hears dings that sound almost like their apartment doorbell, but when he opens the door he's only met by the cold, quiet air and no Baekhyun. His reserved smile to greet Baekhyun falters by the seconds that pass, before getting completely swiped away from his face after hours of waiting.

He then sits on one of the kitchen’s high stool, putting the chocolate bars on the countertop. He glances at the watch on his wrist, it reads 4.17 PM, it’s been eight hours since Baekhyun left for work, and all he wonders is when will Baekhyun come back?

Chanyeol feels like he’s in another dimension with discontinued, warped time. No matter what he does, when he checks his watch again, it will only says five minutes has passed. This is the first time he ever feels so troubled waiting for Baekhyun, his head full of theories as to what really happened to Baekhyun, and what’s Sehun’s true role in this scenario that Baekhyun seems to trust so much…

Time passes to 8.12 PM with Chanyeol cooking things for Baekhyun—draining his worry by focusing himself to work on something else. He prepares sliced sweet strawberries and mangoes, salad with roasted sesame and mayonnaise dressing, mashed avocado with honey dressing and chocolate sprinkles that Baekhyun loves, handmade squashed orange juice, a pot full of chicken cream soup to make sure Baekhyun eats soft and warm food.

He places the sliced fruits, salad, and mashed avocado filled Tupperware containers and juice assortments filled tumblers in the fridge, the bowl of steaming chicken cream soup on top of the kitchen table complete with spoon ready for Baekhyun to eat, alongside a happy note saying _Eat well and eat lots, Hyunnie - I love you!_ with a heart and a smiley face drawn. When he’s done, he decides to change his station to wait for Baekhyun to come home to their apartment at their bedroom instead. Maybe he can try to tidy up their belongings, fold some strewn clothing or put things back into their places to pass more time.

After Chanyeol finished working his way around the bedroom twice just to be sure everything is in their designated places, he glances to the digital clock on the bedside table, it reads 11.34 PM. He drawls a long sigh. Even though it’s late, he can’t sleep, Baekhyun is still not back; he can never go to sleep at peace before he make sure Baekhyun is with him again, safe and well.

So he decides to get out of the room and pace around their apartment, from their bedroom, to the kitchen, to the living room. He ends up lying on the couch, hand holding the TV remote, flicking through channels without really paying attention to what he’s watching. He tries as hard as he can to keep his eyelids open to welcome Baekhyun home.

Home. Chanyeol’s eyes walks through the space of their apartment, their home. The place that’s the only space he ever lets his guard down, the place where he can rest and just relax with Baekhyun next to him. The place that he knows his problems will dissolve in the sight of Baekhyun’s warm smile for him. The place where every night he comes back to his true home in Baekhyun’s arms. But now, he starts to feel… cold.

Cold. And homesick. Seen anything weird yet? What’s weird is that, he’s so sure he’s standing right in the middle of his and Baekhyun’s supposed _home_ , but he feels _homesick_ —missing home. And it even feels so much worse than the one he felt when he had to leave his mother alone to live at the dorms during his first year at Kyunghee—and at that time he found Baekhyun, who relieved his heavy heart. But now? Does he still have his Baekhyun to help ease his pain?

Then Chanyeol starts to enumerate the memories of the days after they bought their apartment:

When they first cleaned the whole space with handkerchief masks and bright neon green gloves, having a combat of their own with the dust, the mice and the dirt, screaming and running straight out when a cockroach startled them both, that ended up with them laughing at themselves being scared over just a tiny, harmless insect.

When they painted the walls with paint brushes and rollers, Baekhyun diligently worked through every centimeter of the lower parts of the walls while Chanyeol carefully used the rollers on the higher parts and the ceiling.

When the apartment was still empty from furniture they would eat on the floor in the middle of the spacious living room, cooking ramen with a mini portable stove and eating it right from the pot while sharing fruity soft drinks.

When they started moving in the furniture, bickering on which way to turn the couch to fit through the apartment door.

Those are the proof the walls were used to bounce their laughter, the concrete ears and eyes that witnessed their late night stories. Now when Chanyeol touches it, the walls turn unfamiliar and forbidding, whispering him things he’s afraid to admit.

Even the doors are siding with them. They’re more often only giving him a fleeting shadow of Baekhyun’s billowing coat as the small man runs away from him and slams their apartment door in front of his face, locking him in alone. Even it seems like the doors to Baekhyun’s heart that he opened a long time ago are now locked again.

It’s almost tragic at how they just spent Valentine’s Day together four days ago, with them having intimate candlelight dinner at their apartment. But wait—if he think about it again, suddenly all the odd things he noticed on Baekhyun from that day, which he desperately tried to brush off, are coming back into the surface of his mind again—the way Baekhyun wasn’t as enthusiastic, silent and distracted the whole time, jolted everytime Chanyeol as much as called his name softly, and the worst was the small man had his hands holding his phone instead of his hands… it was as if Baekhyun wasn’t present with him.

And not only anxiousness and drowsiness from waiting Baekhyun to come home for too long that he has to fight, now alongside his throbbing headaches he has another guest staying in his body: torrents of unexplainable nausea that comes and goes anytime it feels like it. It wakes him up at wee hours even when his nightmares procured from his dark thoughts already did it for him. It even comes by to stop several times at his waking hours when he’s working at the studio, forcing him to hide it from his studio crews for fear of them telling Baekhyun about it.

Sometimes the impact of his nausea is so powerful to the point he can’t eat or drink anything except water without wanting to vomit it back out of his body, and the only way to overcome it is by curling on the bed, writhing silently for hours to wait until it’s gone because even swallowing a pill for it turns into such a task for him. And as always, he goes through it all alone. Only for these circumstances he’s glad he’s alone, because by then Baekhyun won’t see him so weak. He doesn’t want to worry or trouble Baekhyun.

What’s worse is that now the feeling of sickness comes around always with an inclination to throw up, even though so far it never goes as much as making him actually vomit or faint. But it does make him doubling over in pain, dry heaving as his headache intensifies to force him to shut his eyes and crouch on the ground, gritting his teeth to hold his pain—like what he’s experiencing right now, completely subdued as he lies on the couch.

Even so… he’ll be just fine, he’ll hold it, even though he can’t suppress it much.

Outside, in the dark midnight, the warring rain falls. It’s unusual for the rain to come visiting him at these months, does this occurrence signals the changing of the season and of Baekhyun’s heart? Just like the sky, Chanyeol is haunted. The lightning strikes across the sky flashing the nightmares that come upon his mind. The fool’s gold thunder that follows after acts as if the sword is finally sinking in, piercing his heart right in the middle.

The storm raging outside mimics his loud thoughts screaming against each other in his mind. As the two forces collide—on the sky; the negative electrons of the thunderclouds against the positive charges of the earth ground, and in his heart; confusion and disappointment against his willpower to trust in Baekhyun to tell him about whatever is happening when the time is right—he will prepare for his heart to fight until it’s over, to fight until it’s done.

Despite the blustering sounds, Chanyeol finally falls asleep on the couch, his mind too tired and his body beyond exhausted, before he has the chance to see Baekhyun come home. He wakes up at three in the morning just to find the bowl of chicken cream soup left cold and untouched, the note somehow lies forgotten and abandoned on the kitchen floor, his chocolate bars already melted, its shape unidentifiable and botched; just like his heart. Upon searching the apartment he finally finds Baekhyun sleeping at their bedroom alone.

With _I’ll explain_ later in Baekhyun’s voice ringing inside his head, as the day comes around Chanyeol acknowledges four things. Apparently Baekhyun was already back sometime when he was sleeping. Baekhyun was home without telling him, without waking him up to accompany him sleep at their bedroom,

and even though Chanyeol tried to give Baekhyun a chance, without explanation.

_Chanyeol 0 – Baekhyun +2_

***

**March 25th, 2017**  
 **Seoul, South Korea**

**D – 49**

It’s another morning on the day after Friday on the week.

The light earthy smell of coffee beans blending in with the fresh aroma of basil, rosemary, bay leaves, and dried oregano are wafting across the air of Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s shared apartment. Just like the couple, the scent is a bizarre combo, but also an extraordinary one.

Baekhyun is sitting on one of the kitchen’s high stool, pouring himself and Chanyeol some Aceh Gayo Arabica coffee brew; already showered and primly dressed with another pair of fit bright blue jeans and long-sleeved cream shirt under his gingerbread brown pullover sweater, while Chanyeol is standing guard near the stove, cooking _bokkeumbap_ or Korean fried rice with kimchi, veggies and minced beef, spaghetti Bolognese with prosciutto, ground ham and parmesan cheese, complete with sunny side-up eggs for the both of them; still in the t-shirt and shorts he frequently uses for sleeping.

Just like the couple of spicy and fruity sweet aftertaste of the Sumatra Highlands coffee, the two of them always work in dynamics, a thing that contributes extra features to something else in such a way as to improve and emphasize its quality.

Baekhyun hums to himself the melody of some popular songs on the radio and Chanyeol can’t resist humming along with him. After he’s finished cleaning the kitchen utensils he used and plating the food on their plates, he goes behind Baekhyun’s back and circles his hands on Baekhyun’s waist.

Using his most sultry, seductive voice that usually works in making Baekhyun agree with him, Chanyeol whispers next to Baekhyun’s earlobe, “Hyunnie. Are you free tonight?” 

Long silence greets Chanyeol. Only after he finished his question did he notice the littered documents on the kitchen counter table in front of Baekhyun.

But then—without looking at Chanyeol, still immersed into whatever written on the documents with his hand busy crisscrossing some parts of it, Baekhyun replies, “Hey, Yeol. What’s up with tonight?”

“I want to give you a surprise.” Chanyeol replies, starting his plan by kissing Baekhyun’s cheeks thrice and massaging Baekhyun’s shoulders to catch the latter’s attention.

Actually, Chanyeol is planning to take Baekhyun for tuxedo fittings, have some fun from choosing invitation card designs at Jongin and Kyungsoo’s office, and end the day with a well-deserved candlelight dinner just so they can eat in a fancy place to talk over the sorting of the people they deem precious enough to come and witness them saying their vows to each other. He has been insinuating the ideas throughout the week, hoping Baekhyun will take the hint, but apparently the small man doesn’t pick up his subtle hints. So here he is, asking Baekhyun in a disguise of a date.

Gingerly, Baekhyun takes Chanyeol’s hands off of his waist, before he stands up from his seat and turns his body around to face Chanyeol. “Are you asking me in advance so I can’t say no to you?” He knows Chanyeol’s tricks to make him say yes to whatever he’s asking him.

Chanyeol chuckles at that. Baekhyun’s guesses are always point blank because the small man is just really good at reading through his intentions and modus operandi. Moving back to lean on the kitchen counter, he shrugs, “Well, maybe yes.”

Baekhyun suddenly turns his body around again to sit back on the kitchen’s high stool and lowers his face to hide behind the documents a client just emailed him last night, unable to meet Chanyeol’s eyes.

At yet another silence and the gesture Baekhyun is giving him, Chanyeol's chuckle stops abruptly, sensing a _no_ coming his way.

Still hiding behind the printed sheets, Baekhyun clears his throat and says, “Yeol, I’m so sorry but I have so much work to do at the office today—”

“Are you going to be with that Sehun kid.” Chanyeol interrupts, hands folded in front of his chest. His voice changes into an annoyed tone; it’s not even a question, it’s more like a statement. His plan for the day just failed, and the image of him and Baekhyun having another fun session together is gone with a sickening _poof_ in his mind.

Baekhyun notices the sudden tone change, realizing they have now entered the risky topic territory. He thought they’re through with this, but apparently not. He glances up from his document papers again, just to find Chanyeol’s sour face. “Yes I will, Yeol. He’s my assistant, after all.”

Chanyeol didn’t expect Baekhyun to actually defend the Sehun kid, which throws him off. But to be fair and reasonable, Baekhyun never complained about his coworkers at the studio, so now why should he do it to Baekhyun?

But he’s not Park Chanyeol if he’s down without a little resistance. Then his sour face changes into a determined one. “Hyunnie, can’t you just ditch him for me?” He asks in a soft voice, showing his best smile to woo Baekhyun as he lowers his head to the same level as Baekhyun’s. First chance.

Then Baekhyun puts down the papers he’s been holding on before he crosses his arms in front of his chest, his stance almost defensive. He shoots him a look. “Chanyeol, that’s impossible. I have loads of work to do and I need his help.”

Right now Chanyeol hates how childish he feels, but is it wrong that instead of Baekhyun saying he needs Sehun's help, he only wants Baekhyun to say he only needs him who would help him do whatever he wants? Still he maintains his smile, even though the jarring look on Baekhyun’s eyes and the use of his first name instead of his nickname almost makes it falter… just slightly. Second chance. “Then can’t you just reschedule—”

Baekhyun’s look changes into a tired one as his right hand moves to massage his temple and a look of distress starts to rise on his face. “As much as I want to, I can’t. I have responsibilities, work isn’t a child’s play.”

Chanyeol can feel his smile slowly morphing into a strained one. The words that just came out from Baekhyun’s mouth feel like two hands twisting and pulling his heart apart, but he should keep on going. Third and last chance. “Can you just call Junmyeon hyung and tell him I need to spend time with you—”

“Chanyeol. Please understand. I told you I can’t.” Baekhyun cuts sharply, this time his hands are down on the table, almost banging the marble top with his fists.

There they are, the air of finality in Baekhyun’s voice and the way Baekhyun’s hands are clenched tightly in a way of silently expressing his resentment… Chanyeol knows he can no longer argue.

“Hyunnie… it’s just that—it’s the first time you’ve missed our outings… and that Oh Sehun rascal is spending time with you too much.” Chanyeol’s spirited voice is gone, replaced with whispers in a soft tone, pleading. He almost sounded like a wounded puppy calling for help.

“I’m spending a lot of time with Sehun because, _let me repeat it to you_ , he’s my assistant and I’m working with him. If I don’t need him I won’t work with him, but he’s there to help me and lessen my workload. Without him I’ll be overwhelmed with my projects,” Baekhyun replies briskly, only meeting Chanyeol’s eyes for fleeting seconds before looking somewhere else. “I didn’t ask for this to happen, okay? You don’t have to be jealous over things like this and we’ll go out next time.”

The logical way Baekhyun reasoned Sehun’s numerous appearances makes Chanyeol realize how he was a little bit wrong and selfish. Well after a second thought maybe if there’s Sehun at least Baekhyun wouldn’t be too tired working, and they really can go out next time. He doesn’t want to admit that he’s being childish and overly jealous, but he can’t help feeling like he want to confront that Sehun rascal and tell him in his face who Baekhyun really belongs to.

But to Chanyeol, the worst is experiencing all over again the feeling of having the one he loves chooses someone else over him, which resembles the hurt of having an invisible hand snatching away his heart from his chest, while having to act normal, wearing a mask of a heartless smile.

“I don’t know if this will cheer you up or serve as a make-up surprise but I chose my tuxedo already!” Baekhyun laughs, while his hands are busy tidying up his papers into his satchel bag. “It’s in our wardrobe, you can check it out. Less hassle for us, right?”

Chanyeol feels as if the world has stopped turning. But that can’t be… He can’t—he doesn’t have a word to reply, with his mind suddenly blanking out and shock petrifying his whole body as he can only watch Baekhyun walking towards him with a piece of paper on his hands.

“Also, Yeol? Here,” Baekhyun hands Chanyeol a piece of paper, before walking back to sling his satchel bag on his shoulder. In a second he’s already making his way towards the apartment door. “I got everyone I want to invite on that list I made yesterday. Not much, only my closest friends you also know. You can check it there, and add your people.”

Now Chanyeol is sure the world has stopped turning. “Hyunnie—what? When? With who?” He finally has his voice back to ask in disbelief, limbs still suspended and unmoving because of the numbness from the shock. Baekhyun’s statements are making his stomach to churn uncomfortably, the feeling equals to having a snow avalanche burying him deep down in the unknown of icy mountains to never be found forever. He can only stand frozen in his spot, while Baekhyun is now halfway exiting through the door.

“Oh, seven days ago with Sehun, got to go work now, bye!” Baekhyun shouts, with again eyes never once meeting Chanyeol’s, despite the latter’s desperate effort to catch them. He shuts the door in Chanyeol’s face, not even turning back and only showing his back to the tall man before the door’s automated system locks him out.

It all happened in a just a few seconds, right when Chanyeol’s legs are back functioning that allows him to run to the closed door. Opening the door again, he can only find the empty hallway and no Baekhyun to give him more explanation. Having the world stopped turning is scary and getting his heart ripped out of his ribcage is maddeningly painful, but this?

Chanyeol can feel his heart sinking low and every part of his body dropping down, and if there’s an audible sound for it, probably it will sound like the deep ringing of a heavy bronze bell in an old cathedral, the echoes reverberating inside his mind alongside the throbbing pain it causes. Another one of the saddest things out of what just happened is that he doesn’t even have time to say good bye, or do his usual good luck kiss for Baekhyun.

Completely flummoxed, Chanyeol is a hundred percent sure his ears are lying to him. Baekhyun? Doing essential preparations of their wedding with _someone else_? All without telling him?

The paper Baekhyun left stood out the most in his eyes as it lies innocently on the kitchen table. Then he snatches the paper harshly and one check towards the short list confirms what Baekhyun said, Chanyeol only finds a handful of Baekhyun’s closest friends. The promise of a dinner is then cancelled—Baekhyun rejected his offer for the date and they don’t have anything else to talk about the guest list, because Baekhyun practically listed both of their close friends so he doesn’t have to add more. Probably just like last time, now he will also have to choose the invitation card design all by himself and will have to lie again to Jongin and Kyungsoo.

After he walked quickly from the apartment door to reach their bedroom, Chanyeol crosses said room in two steps with his long legs to yank open their shared wardrobe’s door. Then he turns on the light inside, where he finds a white wedding tuxedo jacket with black lapels complete with a pair of black dress pants, all wrapped in plastic and hung carefully on Baekhyun’s side of the wardrobe. His ears aren’t lying to him, Baekhyun did just what he told him. He sees the clothing as an intruder, all he can think about is the fact that Baekhyun chose it with the freaking Sehun rascal.

Chanyeol notices for the first time that the amount of Baekhyun’s clothes in their joined wardrobe is reducing, leaving his side almost empty. Baekhyun told him that at times he had to stay overnight somewhere, never telling him clearly the destination or what he was going to do. This also reminds him to a moment this morning when he finally could no longer ignore that Baekhyun’s toothbrush, razor, comb and almost the entire of his toiletries are no longer placed next to Chanyeol’s, which Baekhyun also explained he had to get them for his overnight work and activities. He doesn’t know if this coincides with his feelings, but just like his deserted toothbrush, he feels… Alone.

With shaking hands, Chanyeol takes his phone from the bedside table and proceeds to create a new reminder. Now he has to do his tuxedo fitting alone. And maybe make sure to find something like a black tuxedo jacket with white lapels, just so he and Baekhyun can be chess pieces together.

But then he stops tapping on his phone. Wait, doesn’t that mean they will be in two opposite sides, battling against each other? Why is the idea of the chess themed suits the first thing that comes into his mind? Like a raven, a bird of evil omen, silently perching on a dead Willow tree… is this a forewarning?

Even so, still he tries to laugh, joke his sadness out and throw away the ill thought—it’s just a matter of wild coincidence. But apparently his body won’t lie—a tear suddenly splashes onto his phone screen. He quickly wipes the salty liquid from both the blinding white screen and from his cheek, he won’t cry or even shed another sad tear because he knows he’s being stupid, Baekhyun is just trying his best to shorten their long list of tasks, right?

“Right?” Chanyeol says out loud, asking for what he knows is only a fake reassurance from no one, stupidly waiting for the walls to answer him. The echo of the word bounces in the empty bedroom, dragging dull pain in its wake on his heart. The full body mirror and the mirrors of their wardrobe’s doors only answer him in form of a reflection of his red-rimmed eyes and tear stricken face.

Quickly he brushes his face with one hand and clamps the other over his mouth to stop the dry sobs that managed to come out as he tries to suppress his cries. He promises himself that he will only allow himself to cry happy tears when he and Baekhyun are finally married or when they adopted two adorable kids and a puppy…

Abruptly, a strong wave of nausea overpowers him. Struggling to scramble back up to his feet, Quickly Chanyeol jostles his way to the bathroom without paying attention to his surroundings, accidentally elbowing the bedside table.

Hurriedly he opens the toilet’s lid and vomits everything that wants to get out of his system. But even without looking at what he threw up, he knows it must be just whitish, unpleasantly thick and slippery liquid substance because he hasn’t eaten his breakfast because of what just happened ten minutes ago between him and Baekhyun. He even hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday noon—another nausea episode that happened last night prevented him from eating his lunch and dinner yesterday, the acute pain only allowed him to drink half glass of water to ease his aching stomach.

Flushing away the sickly content of his stomach without sparing another glance at it, Chanyeol makes a note in his mind to find another drug stronger than aspirin, maybe ibuprofen or paracetamol. This is just another time he experienced the unpredictable arrival of nausea that leads him to vomiting, he had several other occasions where he had to run to the bathroom just to puke his stomach empty… But maybe it’s derived from his headaches that seem to won’t go away, just another simple side effect, so he doesn’t worry much. He’ll be okay, right?

Slowly sorting his breath, with his eyes red and teary from puking, Chanyeol decides to just sit motionlessly on the bathroom floor, hands still hugging the toilet’s neck. Again he doesn’t know the science of human body, but after vomiting his mind is able to think again.

He knows how Baekhyun is complicated to read and never really reveals what is in his mind, but it never went this far. Now they don’t talk much, only a few awkward chitchats that just serve as something to stop the nagging silence rather than because they want to. Now he can’t read Baekhyun anymore. The ambiguous fog embedded in every side of Baekhyun’s surrounding prevents him to take a step forward—he’s so, so afraid to do something, in case it'll ruin everything. He doesn’t want to lose Baekhyun.

Then Chanyeol stands up from his kneeling position, finally releasing his hold on the toilet’s neck. While he’s walking out from the bathroom, suddenly he feels painful sting on his left foot. Looking down, he sees a glass photo frame on the floor—it seems like he knocked it down when he ran to the bathroom—the glass is now shattered and it turns out he accidentally stepped on a jagged piece of it. And the photo… it’s a photo of him and Baekhyun smiling at their graduation seven years ago. Is this… another bad omen of what’s happening to them? A prophecy of what’s to come?

As his hands carefully place the photo back on the bedside table and pick up the glass’ broken pieces, Chanyeol can’t help it but think: just why life can’t be as clear-cut and simple as a night carnival, all to exist in just a night before vanishing to nothing in the morning? For problems to leave as simple as eating cotton candies, which melts away as soon as it touches your tongue? As simple as shooting targets down while it swims around in a barrel when you’ve got the only gun? As simple as only having to sit still as you ride an acrylic artificial horse of a merry-go-round, letting it carry you around and around again as the night goes on?

But Chanyeol knows it’ll never be that simple—he and Baekhyun are just another two among the crowd of the night carnival, lost in the middle of the maze of transient bright lights among the night’s unfading darkness, trying to get behind some kind of control as they’re forced to play the game, betting all they have for a chance to win and take the prize… or to lose and be gone forever.

Not taking any attention to the bloody footprints he left on the floor, Chanyeol walks out of the bedroom, into the open space of the apartment. It’s still eight in the morning, so as usual they have the lights turned off, in the hope the sun streaming from the windows will provide natural illumination for them. But as if they understand his heart, the clouds suddenly start to move, covering the sun and blocking its rays. And added with the effect of the switched off lights, it all seem to make all the colors of the walls, the furniture, and the things both he and Baekhyun had put up to paint the space of their apartment to disappear and turn it into dusty grey.

Chanyeol searches his trunk of memories to find anything to help shield him from the ache that’s trying to get him.

Then he finds it—he remembers one day when he and Baekhyun went to a color run. There, as they were running along the tracks with people vaguely visible through the sulfurous fog throwing exuberant puffs of yellow, green and blue at them, Baekhyun told him about the Holi festival of the people of India. With Baekhyun, to be inside the tinted mist was to enter a delightful, unpredictable world, filled with contagious laughter.

 _Holi_ represents the arrival of spring and the triumph of good over evil. Indians honor colors as it reminds them of how life is always full of it. Blue is the spiritually complex color of the gods, where the main deities of Hinduism are portrayed in blue, and it’s a reminder that evil exists but can be contained, through courage and right actions. Green is the color of nature and happiness, the color of Vishnu who spends eternity sleeping, until when called upon in a crisis, he wakes and like the most powerful of superheroes, he saves the world. Yellow, the elusive and holy color that represents sunshine in which the garments used by gods are woven from the rays of the sun. Red is the color of weddings, festivals, life and all-around auspiciousness; Indians mark a red dot on their forehead, which is a sacred mark of protection. White, the color of purity and renunciation.

Baekhyun then told him that a color isn’t as simple as he thought it is—it connects to not only surfaces, but also to the soul of things. Even the black color of the darkness, of sadness and of the unlucky ones… it’s still a color. He told him to always look around, no matter what color life throws at him, value and keep it close, as it will teach him the secrets of the illusory nature of the world they're living in.

But now, Chanyeol just can’t see it. Baekhyun is gone, taking all the colors imaginable. It’s as if someone threw acetone on the oil paintings he drew, leaving nothing but corroded canvas. Baekhyun means more to him than any color he can see.

Slowly, Chanyeol walks to the middle of the apartment. The Imperial Bösendorfer grand piano in their living room is almost dusty, its dings sound so strange in the empty space of the apartment. Truthfully, he never played it anymore. His and Baekhyun’s hands are no longer dancing on its black and white tiles. Since Baekhyun drifted apart from him, he spends time in his studio more, too heartbroken to stay at the apartment and to experience disappointment again and again when he only finds himself alone at the apartment waiting for Baekhyun, who more than not doesn’t come back home to him. He misses the days of them playing together and bickering, he misses them being happy together—even though it seems like Baekhyun is out there being happy…

All alone Chanyeol stands here in their apartment needing some love to rain on him, while Baekhyun is somewhere else with the sun shining on him.

Now Chanyeol sees the kitchen table in front of him that he had tried to set up for them to have a good morning and a talk over breakfast is crowded by his failed attempts. The spacious dining table where he and Baekhyun used to eat together is now mostly occupied by him alone, with Baekhyun always opting to eat outside. One touch of his hand tells him how the plates of their breakfast and mugs of coffee have gone cold. Baekhyun’s plates and mug are untouched, just a slight dip on the egg’s edge and a speck of coffee residue on the brim of his still full coffee mug, indicating the small man only took a bite of the food he cooked… yet again.

So now after Chanyeol vomited his gut out and saw Baekhyun left just like that… all of his appetite goes down the drain alongside the coffee he pours to the kitchen sink and the unwanted food he throws away to the trash bin.

The thoughts in Chanyeol’s mind collide against each other. How could this happen? How could he _let_ this happen? But one thing he knows, all he can do right now is the thing he does best for Baekhyun: trusting and believing him—giving him another chance, a concession that a person or fact must be regarded as correct or justified, if the contrary has not been proven.

So, replying to Baekhyun’s promise of a next time, even though there is no Baekhyun to see or hear it, Chanyeol exerts a pained smile and says, “I will keep it in mind.”

_Chanyeol 0 – Baekhyun +3_

***

**April 1st, 2017**  
 **Seoul, South Korea**

**D – 42**

It’s another day before Sunday on the week.

Chanyeol is alone at the studio while getting ready to go back home. The last batch of his studio crews to leave for lunchtime just closes the door behind them right after passing his main studio control room to greet him.

Today he didn’t have much to work on. After he saw Baekhyun out for work at seven o’clock this morning, Chanyeol went to his studio, checking the progress of his projects and playing around with his drums. He tried some new beats and drum techniques for two hours straight while using his favorite Zildjian drumsticks, which is also his current favorite Baekhyun’s gift for his birthday. He treasures it so much to the point he only uses it for a few times, sometimes even putting it out of its box just to polish it sleek and shiny, since it also happens that the drumsticks’ type Baekhyun bought is an expensive one, a limited edition and each of them crafted with hands.

Done with tidying up everything, Chanyeol takes his backpack and after giving one last glance to the studio room, he leaves to the parking lot, greeting some of his crews as he gets inside his truck. 

As he drives, Chanyeol thinks, in a way to return Baekhyun’s generous gift, why doesn’t he just make some lunch and deliver it himself to Baekhyun’s office? It’s not much, but the gesture is what’s important. He also notices that Baekhyun is eating less now, he never finishes his meal Chanyeol cooked, the stash of his favorite snacks lay abandoned in the kitchen cabinet, and the worst of all: his round thighs, chubby tummy and plump cheeks are no longer there, replaced by bony legs, protruding rib blades and sharp cheekbones.

Baekhyun’s cheeks, in Chanyeol’s not so professional cooking enthusiast eyes, are dumplings. Either it’s the Koreans’ _mandu_ , the Japaneses’ _gyoza_ , or the Nepalis’ _momo_. But sadly, no matter how he tried to restore the plumpness of Baekhyun’s cheeks he can never turn it fully just like every time he make dumplings for Baekhyun to make him eat.

For today’s lunch surprise, he’ll cook something special. He knows he’s no five star chef, but he’s good at cooking, being the one who is in charge of the food department in his and Baekhyun’s shared apartment—he always stocks their fridge with all sorts of fresh livestock, fruits and vegetables, and applies healthy lifestyle on their everyday menu.

He chuckles softly as he remembers the time he caught Baekhyun sneaking other types of food in action; he had gone home from his studio and upon unlocking the apartment door he saw Baekhyun sitting in their living room with cakes, candies, chips, and drinks all round him and he was sitting in the middle of it like a king sitting on his throne, his hand holding a big chunk of strawberry cheesecake, already halfway inside his mouth. Since then, he will also buy Baekhyun’s favorite cakes and snacks too every time he goes grocery shopping.

If Baekhyun’s second interest after design is singing, then to Chanyeol, after music comes cooking. Baekhyun knows this fact, so the first thing he requested when Chanyeol asked what installment he wanted for their apartment was a full kitchen set with complete utensils just so Chanyeol can expand his cooking experience—more like experiment—and Baekhyun designed himself the kitchen unit, and even bought every kitchenalia and kitchenware that Chanyeol needs. That made Chanyeol tear up, and more reminded of his vow to himself to always give all his best for Baekhyun.

Chanyeol thinks for this time he wants to cook Baekhyun’s favorite menu from their days in college—a tenderloin steak full set containing the beef’s most tender part cooked well-done with medium fried frizzy fries, boiled chopped carrots and peas, mashed potatoes with gravy, and homemade sauce choices of barbecue and mushroom sauce. It’s been a long time since the last time he sees Baekhyun eating it. Come to think of it, maybe it can make them reminisce the old days after eating the set, and he can use this chance to get closer to Baekhyun again like they used to do, before Baekhyun is too busy with work and drifts apart from him, farther day by day. The spaces between them just keep on getting farther, making something as simple as spending time with Baekhyun into such a hard feat, no matter how much he tries…

But then Chanyeol shakes his head, he can’t be thinking about negative things too much or else the universe will somehow make it happen.

So, to drift his thoughts from unwanted things, right after he arrived back home at their apartment, Chanyeol starts cooking.

He takes out the beef, frozen fries, carrots, peas, potatoes, and the ingredients for gravy, barbecue and mushroom sauce. Since in their apartment they have a stove with four different stoves, Chanyeol can do multitask cooking. First, he places the beef that he had cleaned and sprinkled with seasonings on the grilling pan for half of an hour. Then he starts frying the frozen fries on another pan, using olive oil. As he waits for the beef and the fries to cook, he washes the potatoes, carrots and peas before cutting the potatoes and carrots into small pieces, and then he puts them all in another pan to boil. All three stoves used, the last one will be used to cook the gravy and the sauces.

Even though his headache starts to knock on his head again, Chanyeol comes through to finish his cooking. He expertly alternates between each pan, getting all the ingredients to cook perfectly in the level he wants to. After the beef is cooked well done, all other elements for the tenderloin steak full set are also done, all in great condition that even Gordon Ramsay would be so proud to see.

Besides the seasoning Chanyeol added to flavor the food, he cooks everything with love, every stroke and move of his hands goes with the thought of making Baekhyun happy and stuffed with good dishes. He finishes cooking everything in less than two hours. He then cleans the kitchen area and the utensils he used before he packs the cooked food into a daffodil yellow colored lunch box that he bought for Baekhyun a few months ago.

Then he changes his home outfit into an outdoor one, fixing his hair and putting the red musk fragrance mist with its spicy cinnamon and hints of tobacco scents, that infuses perfectly with his mint bathing soap, intending to look good for Baekhyun. He drives his car while whistling to the music he’s been working on his studio, and the thought of a lunch surprise for Baekhyun lifts his mood high. He smiles at the prospect that he might have lunch with Baekhyun at the city park again, just like what they used to do, before this weird gap caused by that Sehun brat appeared. His mood is a bit dampened by the reappearance of Sehun’s name, but he’s back smiling again with the thought of seeing Baekhyun.

Chanyeol arrives at Baekhyun’s office not long after, thanks to the clear roads. The security guards greet him with a salute and a smile, knowing he’s Baekhyun’s boyfriend. He proceeds to the third floor, where Baekhyun’s workroom is located, while greeting some of Baekhyun’s coworkers that he recognizes along the way.

As he arrives in front of Baekhyun’s workroom’s door, Chanyeol knocks softly before turning the doorknob slowly.

The door opens just for Chanyeol to find Baekhyun’s workroom empty. Is Baekhyun at the toilet, at the discussion boardroom or maybe at the canteen? He’s going to exit Baekhyun’s workroom when his eyes accidentally scans over Baekhyun’s desk. It’s too neat, no papers or books spread over it, the computer is turned off, no scrolls of design ideas on top of it, no trace of someone working—it looks as if Baekhyun is never there at the first place. The blinds are drawn too, unlike the usual because he knows Baekhyun loves to have a view of the outside.

So Chanyeol quickly walks outside, looking for Junmyeon’s head office room.

Right after opening Junmyeon’s head office room’s door, Chanyeol starts, “Hyung, do you see Baek—”

“Chanyeol?” Junmyeon cuts, recognizing Chanyeol’s voice. Knowing what Chanyeol is going to ask, he looks up from the numerous papers scattered on his desk and adds, “What are you doing here? Baekhyun is not here, though.”

To the answer Junmyeon gave him, Chanyeol frowns as a confused look arrives on his face. Did he remember Baekhyun’s schedule for today wrongly? “What? But hyung, Baekhyun has a work shift every Saturday—”

Junmyeon takes off his reading glasses and starts to stack the papers in front of him neatly. Then he stands up, walking closer to shake Chanyeol’s hand. He replies, “Yes he does, but he’s not here yet. His schedule doesn’t start until…” He pauses for a second, looking down to check his watch, “Ten minutes from now.”

Confused, Chanyeol can only reply with his eyebrows furrowed more and a slight nod. Ten minutes from now? Didn’t Baekhyun’s schedule starts at eight, and that’s why the small man left the apartment—again without eating much of his breakfast—at seven in the morning? But now it’s already half past twelve in the noon…

“Okay then, Chanyeol. You can wait at Baekhyun’s workroom.” Junmyeon says as he smiles at him. Then the boss pats Chanyeol’s back for a few times before going back to sit and continue reading and sorting through another stack of paper reports.

Knowing he’s dismissed, Chanyeol leaves Junmyeon’s head office room while scratching his head, instantly disheveling his fixed hair.

“But Baekhyun left the apartment fifteen minutes to seven in the morning for work… How come he’s not here yet…” Chanyeol mutters to himself while standing in the middle of the office’s hall looking like a lost kid in an amusement park. Then he decides to wait for Baekhyun in his workroom, the lunch box he prepared for Baekhyun still tucked safely in his bag to surprise Baekhyun.

And not long after Chanyeol took a seat on the chair in front of Baekhyun’s desk, he hears the sound of Baekhyun greeting his coworkers. He leaps from his seat, pats his hair to make it neater, brushes his clothes to remove crumples and proceeds to prepare himself to greet Baekhyun with a wide grin and cheery voice. There’s a sound of door knob turning and—

“Hey Hyunnie, I brought you—” Chanyeol begins as he turns his body around to face Baekhyun. But his words are stopped short after seeing Baekhyun’s state.

There stands Baekhyun with a tired composition, hair messy under the knitted red beanie he's wearing, eyes droopy looking like he’d fall asleep in any moment. But as his eyes find Chanyeol’s, he suddenly straightens his body as he opens his eyes wide. Then he walks past Chanyeol, taking a seat on his chair behind his desk. “Hi, Chanyeol—”

“Hyunnie…” Chanyeol cuts, he notices how Baekhyun suddenly changed his attitude after seeing him, his eyes flitting away. Almost as if he’s shocked, almost as if he doesn’t want to catch Chanyeol’s stares, almost got caught doing something… He doesn’t know what is happening or since when it happened, and he’s itching to ask. His head screams _Baekhyun, please tell me what is in your mind because I can no longer read you_ , but all that comes out of his mouth is—

“How are you?” Chanyeol asks at the end. He wants to slap himself, why can’t he find the courage to ask what’s really bugging him? Why is he becoming into one of those late night movies’ helpless characters who stupidly keep things to themselves that make things worse that he and Baekhyun used to laugh at? Not that they have time to watch any of the movies together now…

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun replies, his eyes trained to his desk, hands busy relocating papers. “Thanks.”

It’s not left from Chanyeol’s intent observation of how Baekhyun is tidying up the already carefully stacked papers, as if doing anything just so he doesn’t have to look at him in the eyes. The awkwardness is suffocating, it’s like they’re two strangers locked in a room, forced to talk and reveal their most embarrassing secrets. Chanyeol wonders again, when did this start to happen? What happened to them? What started it all? Involuntarily, he shakes his head to brush off the questions that start to fill up his mind, deciding to ask a much safer—and much more useless—question. “Where have you been?”

Baekhyun forces a small smile that doesn’t show in his eyes, and doesn’t even linger for long on his face. “Oh, um. I was out doing office errands with Sehun.”

Knowing Baekhyun for almost eleven years tells him what's the smile is really about. A pretense of reassurance. He can only sigh in his head. Baekhyun spending most of his time out and it’s not even with him… The idea sparks jealousy and it just won't die down this time. So he only lets out a half-hearted reply. “Oh.”

Another long silence greets them. Then as Baekhyun shifts uncomfortably in his seat, with his voice quiet and tone uneasy, he asks, “Um, Chanyeol. What are you doing here?”

Even though Chanyeol thinks the question sounds more like a blunt hint that his presence is unwanted, he actually almost forgot his real intention to go to Baekhyun’s office if it weren’t for Baekhyun asking that, too distracted by Baekhyun’s odd mien. Then he takes out the lunch box he prepared. “Oh, yeah—I was just thinking to cook you some lunch, so… here I am.” 

“Here, I made you some tenderloin steak set you like, I was thinking that what if we have another lunch picnic at the city park like we used to do? I’m sure Junmyeon hyung will let us out,” Chanyeol says brightly, eyes bulging with excitement, proposing his idea of rebelling against Junmyeon as his hands move to open the lunch box’s lid slightly for Baekhyun to see the content. He’s not going to let Sehun take away all the honor of having Baekhyun’s company. “Let’s go—”

“No, Chanyeol. I still have work to do.” Baekhyun cuts him, this time he closes his eyes for a moment as he lets out a tired sigh.

At both the strict answer and the disheartening gesture, Chanyeol can feel his hope to have a lunch date with Baekhyun starts to deflate. But he’s not giving up. “B-but, Hyunnie…” He pouts like a kid getting rejected of his request. It’s a childish thing to do, but usually it works on mollifying Baekhyun every time he uses it. “Please?”

“Chanyeol, we’ll have another lunch picnic at the city park but we’ll do it next time, okay?” Baekhyun replies while massaging his temples and trying to find a comfortable position to lean back on his chair. “Just not now.”

Chanyeol sees the tired and pallid look Baekhyun gives him, and immediately understands the red flag to stop. “Oh I see, alright. Next time,” He wants to laugh, really. The last time Baekhyun promised him a next time, Baekhyun hasn’t been able to fulfill it. And now there’s already another next time coming up? “We’ll go next time.”

“Okay.” Chanyeol says again, after he sees Baekhyun not paying attention to him anymore. Now the awkward silence that hangs in the air solidifies into daggers stabbing his heart. The days of them happily having lunch together, walking to the city park, and went to the roller skating rink seem so far away, his mind recounting the day before he proposed to a much happier and smiling Baekhyun, during first snow. It’s only three months ago, but why does it feel like it never happened?

Then Chanyeol shuffles his feet and fiddles with his thumbs timidly as he adds, “I-I will leave now, then. Good luck with work, I hope Junmyeon hyung lets you out early,” he lets out a dry laugh. No response. Well. “See you tonight, I love you.”

Chanyeol tries to smile, really. But Baekhyun’s lack of response, a small nod that is barely seen if it weren’t for Chanyeol intently looking at him, his act of closing his eyes again when he was trying to talk serious with him and no returned _I love you too_ from Baekhyun are way too successful in making his eyes burn, feeling as if his tear ducts are going to blow up soon, but he holds it all in.

So Chanyeol exits Baekhyun’s workroom quietly as to not disturb Baekhyun’s resting time—and to escape too, before Baekhyun sees his doleful face. He decides he won’t add more problems to Baekhyun’s mind, and even though he doesn’t know what’s troubling him, he’ll try to help in any way he knows. Even though it’s like walking with a thick, black blindfold fastened tightly over his eyes, he’ll grope his way around to try giving any kind of help for Baekhyun.

Chanyeol is just going to leave, his feet already halfway stepping into the lift that will bring him down to the first floor, when he notices Baekhyun’s workroom’s door opens, and he sees Baekhyun walking out holding the lunch box he got him. Curious as to what Baekhyun is going to do with it outside his workroom, he apologizes to the people waiting for him in the lift and quickly steps out of the lift, finding a cover to hide behind a pillar next to the main door that leads into the office.

Chanyeol sees Baekhyun walking to his coworkers’ cubicles, and he faintly hears them talking. He wishes he has those Extendable Ears the Weasley twins created in Harry Potter movies, but right now he can only strain his ears to take whatever Baekhyun is saying clearly.

“Hey guys, do you want some food?” Baekhyun says cheerily, even though his voice is laced with tiredness, his hands offering the lunch box to the gathering people. 

After hearing Baekhyun’s sentence, Chanyeol can feel himself turning into a statue, his body frozen on spot, while his curiosity dies down and turns into a mix of disbelief and confusion. Did Baekhyun just offer the food he cooked specially for him to his coworkers?

Chanyeol then hears someone eyeing the lunch box hungrily replying, “Oh that’s very nice of you, Mr. Byun. What do you get there, did you buy it for us?”

“Oh, just a simple tenderloin steak set. Someone brought them for me, but I ate already when I was out, so I’m full now.” Baekhyun replies casually, chuckling as he bats his hand flippantly, as if he doesn’t have a care in the world.

“Are you not going to eat it later?” another person asks politely, even though their hands are already grasping the yellow lunchbox.

“Uh no, I don’t think I can eat this,” Baekhyun presses his lips tightly, an uncertain look showing on his face. “I’m sure you guys can finish this up without me, right?” He laughs as he finally hands over the lunch box Chanyeol gave him to his coworkers’ waiting hands. 

Actually Baekhyun chats a few more minutes with other coworkers, but the rest of the conversation goes muted in Chanyeol’s chaotic mind. He can only watch as Baekhyun walks back to his office, shutting the door calmly, as if he did nothing that would hurt anyone’s heart.

Throughout the time when the scene unfolded right before his eyes, Chanyeol has been gaping in horror, and only when Baekhyun is out of sight he can close his mouth again. Unconsciously, he backs away onto the pillar, leaning onto it to rest his suddenly tired and drained of all energy body. Slowly but sure, as the hurt feeling sinks in to the bottom of his heart, weighing him down, the gravity pulls his body to the ground until he sits motionless on the floor. Byun Baekhyun, out of all people, lying to his coworkers and to _him_? He never thought there would be a day when Baekhyun’s name and the word _lie_ are going to be in the same sentence.

As Baekhyun’s words are repeated over and over again on his head, he realizes from the sentences Baekhyun said that he already ate… that can only imply that Baekhyun ate with Sehun when they were out. The combination of Baekhyun telling lies and the ugly thought of Sehun snatching his chance to have a lunch date with Baekhyun makes everything so much worse. If the rumbling sound of his heart breaking can be heard, he’s sure the sound will pierce everyone’s ears, rendering all of them deaf. But guess what’s the worst? When Baekhyun’s coworkers asked if he bought the set for them, Baekhyun lied and dubbed him only as _someone_.

Chanyeol can only stay sitting on the ceramic floor of Baekhyun’s office, completely ignoring the questioning looks passers-by are sending him. As time goes on, he mulls over the options he has. Should he walk straight up to demand Baekhyun’s explanations or just leave and wait for Baekhyun to tell him the truth?

But at the end, as he stifles his choked sobs that threatens to come out, Chanyeol chooses to just leave as fast as he can to prevent his heart breaking more.

Chanyeol decides to go back to the studio, to work again on his project, ignoring the confused questions his studio crews give him as to why he comes back after everything is done for today.

Maybe the activities will take his mind away from his overwhelming heartache. Maybe if he directs his concentration somewhere else he can distract his heart that won’t stop screaming in agony. Maybe the news he receives as he arrives at the studio that the company he’s working with approved his project and wants to extend their deal with him will excite him. Maybe if he let music to take over, it will heal his wound and stop his tears from falling.

But then he realizes, how can he make music, when Baekhyun, his muse, the melody he writes his songs to, his source of inspiration, is the one stirring storm of chaos in his mind, is the one who maimed his heart and inflicted the pain? This time he knows no amount of song can stop the lonely burn on him. Is this the moment when they start to slowly go up in flames, with the crackling of the fire burning them down as their elegy?

The radio in his studio isn’t turned on, but Chanyeol somehow hears its voiceless white noise broadcasting that there will be a cold war coming. Blaring loud sirens to warn the people of the incoming aircrafts bringing them rain of missiles. Speaking of how violent the world is.

Chanyeol’s hands move to the piano, and as he shuts his eyes tight just so the tears won’t come out, he let his fingers tell the stories. Franz Liszt’s 1850 classical composition _Dreams of Love_ , the _Liebesträume_ S541/R211: No. 3: Nocturne in A-Flat Major. The piece screams his story—the way the piano piece starts with passionate melodies but ends in a melancholic turn, perfectly fitting _Love As Long As You Can!_ or _O lieb, so lang du lieben kannst!_ which is a poem written by Ferdinand Freiligrath that inspired the piece, talking about the brevity of time given to love and a warning of lost love.

Time, to Chanyeol, is many, many things. It comes creeping on him, shifting its form into two pairs of silent eyes watching him from far away; he can’t see it but he knows it’s always there, bidding on him without him knowing when it will strike. It can be a loaded gun pointed on his head that makes him to think there is no time anymore and forces him to make brash decisions. Or something that will easily leak and lead him on, thinking he has all the time in the world when he actually doesn’t, and when he stops to check, he realizes he has no more time left.

Midway playing Liszt’s composition, suddenly Chanyeol’s hand shots up to hold his head as a strike of pain blazes through his head, prompting him to whimper in pain. Now there are black dots painting his vision that stay for a few minutes and won’t go even if he tries to shake his head, almost putting him into a state of panic as it makes him unable to see for quite a time. This has happened for a lot times before, but now it’s worsening and it feels as if he’s in the border of collapsing and passing out…

The train wreck of headache and nausea is here again. As his hands move to grip his abdomen, he can feel as if there’s someone who tightly wrenches a knot of his stomach. He swears he didn’t eat anything wrong, even though he realizes this morning he had another nausea episode, and he only managed to nibble on biscuits for just a few bites and took some pills to ease the sickness…

He feels so lightheaded, his vision dimming as if there’s a black cloud that shrinks and expands in front of his eyes in time with the throbbing of his head, he almost can feel the blood rushing anywhere but his brain. Experimentally, he tries to stand, to lift his body with two hands under support of his chair, but he hasn’t even started to lift his body when another pain strikes his head, temporarily immobilizing him.

Even when he’s caught in the center of calamity and chaos, still he tries to joke it out as he realizes today’s date is April 1st. One last hope—maybe whatever happened is just a badly gone wrong April’s Fools joke Baekhyun planned for him, and he’ll get an explanation later.

Weakly Chanyeol moves himself to the empty couch, lying down as he pops another painkiller tablet into his mouth, gulping it right away—even though he knows it never really worked to help his symptoms. As he looks up to the ceiling window and lying alone on the couch, which seems to turn into a bed of jagged rock with no Baekhyun beside him, he can’t help but think, is this it, the moment he is left powerless?

In his mind, Chanyeol is in the middle of a maze, and the halls are closing in, the blocks pushing him away to back against the wall. Second by second, the blocks are coming in, threatening to squash him gone. But as the tip of his nose touches the hard surface of the blocks, Chanyeol remembers a day of his and Baekhyun’s adventures.

Once Baekhyun took Chanyeol to a vintage old cinema that played time-honored movies from the days of the oppressed and liberty was still fought. Baekhyun had bought them two tickets to see Charlie Chaplin’s _The Great Dictator_ , a 1940 controversial American movie that blends politics, drama and satire comedy into one, criticizing Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, the Nazis and the ideas of anti-Semitism and fascism. They admired the movie as Chaplin screamed his powerful words about uniting under the name of democracy, to fight for liberty and freedom, and to make the world a better place. 

When they were walking out of the theatre arm in arm, Baekhyun quoted to Chanyeol the part he loves the most from Chaplin’s _The Final Speech_ scene, where the British comedian had orated an uplifting speech for the crowd: 

_I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an emperor. That’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone—if possible—Jew, Gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way._

_To those who can hear me, I say—do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people!_

_In the 17th Chapter of St. Luke it is written, the Kingdom of God is within man, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power—the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure!_

Then Baekhyun gently placed a hand on Chanyeol’s chest right on top of his heart, saying that he believed in him: he knew Chanyeol would always have that power in him. He was thankful for Chanyeol, for having his power to create his own happiness, his happiness… their happiness. Then with a determined face Baekhyun promised himself, and to Chanyeol too, to always remember of the power that resides within him, to conjure it at times they need it, just like the bright Patronus charm is conjured from the most powerful and happiest memory that protects them from the evil Dementor. He laughed at the Harry Potter reference Baekhyun used, not knowing there will come a time when he truly need to remember that moment.

His mind then flits back to the day when he proposed Baekhyun, to the time when Baekhyun told him something about power. Power doesn’t always have to be about physical strength. Sometimes it comes in the ever-changing forms of a goal to achieve, a purpose in life, an indelible memory, a love that is given unconditionally or… a faith in a person. Chanyeol has believed Baekhyun for so long to the point he’s sure he knows him inside out. So that’s what he’s going to keep on doing, and with it he will sustain.

As he covers his face with both of his hands, uselessly trying to brush off the headache and nausea to just stop bothering him, he can feel a cold touch of something against his cheek. Even before he retracted back his hand, he knows it to be his wedding ring. There’s a counterpart of it—Baekhyun’s ring—but why does it start to feel like it—he—was alone from the start? Even so, slowly he slips the platinum band out, feeling the way it grazes the vein of his ring finger under his skin as it slides.

It’s been such a long time since the last time he hears Baekhyun confessing his love for him. He hears it in his mind, of course, since he has saved it like a melody always playing in the back of his head. But at times, even though it’ll never be enough or for it to be the same as the real Baekhyun saying it to him, he resorts to seek the help of the videos he has of them, or more often, the sound wave rings he bought for them. It’s almost pathetic to scan the engraving just to listen to Baekhyun’s voice saying _I love you, Chanyeol_ , but he’ll hold on to anything he has of Baekhyun. 

And as if he was bound to take out the ring, it turns out he finds his answer written on its inner facet, permanently engraved and will never be erased— _given a chance_. He was given a one in a million chance to love with Baekhyun and he’s going to keep holding on to it. He’s not going to ruin it—ruin what he and Baekhyun has—he’s going to try to fix them.

In a world full of options, Chanyeol will always choose to believe in Baekhyun. 

So with the memory fortifying his newfound power, he reminds himself that he’s a knight in a battlefield, his honor as his proudest badge. He will refuse to perish. Desolation and silence, he can fight it. In the night’s darkness, a wavering candle is still brighter than the sun.

 

 

But oh so cruel this battle is.

 

 

At night, the knight have finally fallen and disarmed, his armor stripped off of its sword. Even though Chanyeol tries so hard to invoke his and Baekhyun’s happiest memory, trying to protect himself with it… Still, he falls. Has he been fighting valiantly in vain?

Sometime in the brink of the evening, Baekhyun comes back home to their apartment with a fairly happy face while proudly showing Chanyeol his empty lunch box and telling how he loved the steak set. He does smile and congratulate Baekhyun for it, but as the small man turned his head, the smile on his face falls along the last shred of strength he has to stand tall. 

As gravity brings the knight down into his knees, bloodied and dirty, with the foe's sword on his neck, he counts the seconds before it swung across his life. It feels like the sword that had been the one graced his shoulders to honor him the title of a knight, is now the same sword that’s currently stabbing his back…

Somehow, in his resistance to just believe in Baekhyun, to always stand up under his sword again, even as the sword sliced his skin open, Chanyeol couldn’t bring himself to ask what is really behind the events that occurred today, could only gave Baekhyun just one last chance from the benefit of the doubt,

 

could only fake a smile as no explanation was given.

And this time,

_Chanyeol -4 – Baekhyun +4_

***

**April 29th, 2017**  
 **Seoul, South Korea  
08.01 PM**

**D – 14**

Another sixth day of the week.

“Yeol, I’m home!” Baekhyun yells loudly as he enters their apartment.

The front hall leading to the open space of the living room and kitchen is dark, which is quite weird since usually it’s always lit—the automated light should’ve turn itself on when he walks in with the help of motion sensor, but with it not lighting up it means someone turned it off on purpose—and he would always smell the appetizing aroma of whatever Chanyeol cooked for dinner. But anyways, he’s so ready for a hot bath and he plans to sleep for the rest of the weekend. He’s in the middle of peeling off his boots and hanging his coat when he finally hears Chanyeol’s reply.

“Where have you been.” Chanyeol says, voice emotionless. He has been sitting at their minibar, on one of their high stools by the kitchen counter, waiting restlessly for Baekhyun to come back home for two hours now.

Baekhyun didn’t even notice him because the kitchen lights are off—only after he checks the space of their apartment he realizes all the lights are off except for the muted TV that pastes spine-chilling psychedelic colors onto the dark walls every a few seconds—Chanyeol’s sudden appearance almost got him a heart attack.

“Um. Work?” Baekhyun replies, drawling the last word lazily in the same way as if to state the obvious. “That’s what I do six days a week, do you really have to ask again?” He continues, his tone flooded by the mixed sensation of annoyance and tiredness that seems to show a lot these days.

As he stands up from his seat to walk around the space of their apartment and turn on the lights, Chanyeol finds Baekhyun standing in middle of the entrance hall in front of the door with his shirt’s sleeves rolled up. He notices the reddish purple marks alongside Baekhyun’s arms, contrasting with the milky white of Baekhyun’s skin. “Oh, right. Must be with Sehun.”

Chanyeol can hear Baekhyun’s loud sigh from across the room.

"I'm so tired from work and now you’re trying to guilt trip me about it?" Baekhyun sighs again, hands on his head as he makes a clawing gesture. He’s so close to tear off his hair in frustration, if it weren’t for the black beanie he’s wearing to protect his hair. Then in an almost bored tone, he says, “Chanyeol, what is it now.”

“Nothing—” Chanyeol is about to let the topic die down, to let this one go yet again, to give Baekhyun another chance. But seeing the annoyed face Baekhyun is sporting like the small man thinks he’s the only innocent one makes his insides boiling again. He doesn’t have another chance to give, not that he doesn’t want to give it, but it’s because he doesn’t have another piece of his heart to surrender for Baekhyun to break—his heart has completely shattered a long time ago, anyway.

“No. Let’s see. Okay. I will tell you a hint since you seem completely clueless about it or about the stress I have to endure, but do you know what are we supposed to do today?” Chanyeol spits out in frustration, his voice dangerously low and intonation fast, jaw clenched, and face set in an almost deranged look.

Baekhyun knows he did nothing wrong, he doubtlessly swears there’s nothing. Since he’s tired, wants to get rid of whatever load blocking his way to get this matter over with and not wanting to fight with Chanyeol, he replies easily, “Nothing right, we don’t have any sched—”

The sudden sharp glare Chanyeol gives him stops his sentence. Baekhyun tries to recount what happened this morning: they had another awkward silent breakfast episode with him having no mood to eat, Chanyeol as usual worrying about him and trying to prevent him from going out before he eats his portion but as usual he managed to escape yet again, and as he closed the apartment door hurriedly he did hear Chanyeol saying about—

Then it hits him right in the gut. “Oh. Oh my god, Yeol,” Baekhyun panics, how can he gets so forgetful these past weeks? “I’m so sorry! I just remembered that we have an appointment with the florist and the layout designers to—”

“—To arrange the flowers and decorations for our wedding. Yes, Baekhyun, our wedding. Or is it only mine? Or maybe yours and Sehun’s?” Chanyeol’s tone turns calm, like a kindergarten teacher patiently teaching four years olds, but still the sarcasm rings through clearly in their apartment.

Chanyeol just snaps, already reaching past his breaking point. Everyone has his or her own limitation to be patient, and so does he. He just can’t hold back anymore. Anger, pain and disappointment have rooted too deep in his system. He’s a someone who experiences emotions in explosions, be it happiness with loud laughter, sorrow with unstoppable tears… or anger with a tendency of unable to control his words coming out of his mouth. This is one of his weaknesses that Baekhyun used to balance with his calm mind, but now he has no one to help him, to stop him from falling off the cliff to his demise…

“Where have you been, until we only meet at the morning before you run away every single time I’m trying to get closer to you? Or at late night when you go to sleep without sparing a glance at me? Who has been spending time with you until you completely abandon me, like I don’t exist? Who has been keeping you always awake until you distance yourself from me even when we sleep side by side, it feels like I’m sleeping alone every single night?”

Baekhyun keeps his mouth shut, his head hung low and his eyes casted downside to look at anything but Chanyeol’s hard stare. He stays standing still in the mouth of the entrance hall, his coat limp on his feet and his boots in a jumbled mess on the floor. He’s too afraid to move closer to the tall man standing in the middle of the living room in front of him.

It’s unknown what has carved its pathway of hell inside his mind, but Chanyeol just need to make sure. Then he walks backwards before turning his back on Baekhyun, and again with abnormal calmness in his voice he asks, “Is this your silent way to tell me that you don’t want to marry me, Baekhyun? That you don’t love me anymore?”

“Chanyeol, no!” Baekhyun shouts as his head snaps upwards to stare at Chanyeol’s weary face with fright in his eyes, face horror struck. While his mind is suspended in absolute fear, trying to face Chanyeol but too paralyzed to move, he stutters, “N–no, it’s n–not like that—it’s _never like that_ —”

“Then explain to me, Baekhyun! Make me understand. Force me if you have to!” Chanyeol cries, abruptly turning his body to face Baekhyun again, hands placed in both sides of his head, clawing over his hair. But there’s something strange—this time his tears won’t come out, maybe he already exhausted his tear ducts crying over Baekhyun almost every night.

Chanyeol takes a look again at Baekhyun’s arms—he sees how Baekhyun unconsciously covers them as if he tries to hide the marks. Hands now shaking from the consuming rage, he can’t stop thinking about the possibilities of what caused those marks. Was it because he accidentally bumped something solid? Or the worst… someone holding him too hard, possibly during…

Trying to float above the unstable rise and fall of his emotion, Chanyeol mentally slaps himself. No matter how mad he is… How can he think about that? It’s too out of question. He knows Baekhyun will never do to that extent. But it’s not his fault his mind always wanders to the darkest corners full of foolhardy and imprudent thoughts, with him being left alone with no Baekhyun to fill the empty spaces.

“Tell me, Baekhyun. Is it my fault?” Chanyeol says again exasperatedly, his shaking hands now running through his hair, setting it in disarray and messy just like the thoughts in his head. “You can find a reason, an excuse, _anything_. Just let me know, I won’t blame you. I’ll go if that’s what you want.”

“Chanyeol… No…” Baekhyun thinks his voice sounds so weak, and he hates himself for it. His eyes are shining, but this time it’s because of his tears that start to pool on the brim of his eyes with his face showing utmost remorse. He wants to defend or argue, but he knows he can’t because he’s guilty, he did forget today’s appointment after missing so many other appointments. He can never be able to look straight at Chanyeol’s eyes, too busy blinking back his tears and too ashamed to do so. “Please, I’m so sorry…”

Silence is the only thing Chanyeol can give. He tries to forgive Baekhyun, really. But it’s so hard when his disappointment is already mixed too much into one inseparable matter with jealousy. The scene that happened that noon plays again in his head: Kyungsoo and Jongin’s knowing glances towards each other and their pitiful look at him when they heard his feeble reasons as to why Baekhyun wasn’t present _again._

“I-I was at work… with Sehun… There was just so many things to do and I guess I forgot the time…” Baekhyun tries to explain, even though he knows his forgetfulness and feeble explanation don’t deserve forgiveness from Chanyeol.

“Of course it’s Sehun again,” Chanyeol cuts off with a sharp voice. The name of the man he even has never seen somehow has solidified itself into a blade slicing his skin. What he meant when he asked for explanations is for Baekhyun to explain the last five months, but all he gets is just one short inadequate answer. “It’s always Sehun over me. Over us. Of course.”

The reply Baekhyun gets from Chanyeol empties the air out his lungs, making holding back his tears an even harder task. “I just—please—Chanyeol, if I explain everything to you, will it change things that’s been done already? Will it alter the days that have gone past us?”

The sentence that flowed without interruption from Baekhyun’s mouth just a few seconds ago is really the last nail in Chanyeol’s coffin. He… doesn’t have anything else to say anymore.

“I’ll just leave for now, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun finally says at last, his voice weak and quieter than ever, after waiting five full minutes for a reply from Chanyeol that he knows is not going to come. So after excusing himself out, he slowly puts on his boots and wears his coat again, and retraces his way back towards the apartment's door.

The flame of fury inside him is still burning high, threatening to reduce him to ashes, but somehow… the glass castle of Chanyeol’s anger inside his body just implodes at the sight he sees, almost knocking him down to his knees. He’s really unable to see Baekhyun’s defeated state, it’s his lowest weakness he has. He really wants to reach for Baekhyun, hug him and tell him that it’s all okay, he forgives him. He wants to shake Baekhyun off from whatever is changing him, because the old Baekhyun he knows isn’t like this, will never be this cruel to him, will always argue back. He just wants him to bicker with him at the very least, it will feel a lot much better.

He hates the fact that the saying of how _regret comes later on_ is too true for their current situation. Now he regrets it more than anything for ever saying those harsh words to Baekhyun.

And it’s the sound of Chanyeol’s heart breaking through every barrier of logic in his own mind when he whispers to Baekhyun’s retreating figure, “Hyunnie, don’t go and fight for me.”

Chanyeol is so, so close to drop everything on his hands for him to be able to just run for Baekhyun, to hug and keep him at his side,

and Baekhyun does stop his steps for a split second, he isn’t able to make sure if his ears hear it correctly from the distance between them, but somehow his heart tells him Chanyeol is calling him to come back—

But Chanyeol stays on his ground, letting Baekhyun go wherever he wants,

and Baekhyun thinks it’s impossible for Chanyeol to want him back now. So he tries to ignore the gnawing feeling on his heart, eating up his feelings as he closes the door softly behind him… finally leaving the tall man alone.

When he hears the sound of the apartment door closing, Chanyeol wishes Baekhyun is just joking, like the last time on New Year’s eve, like the small man just wanted to see his desperate face when he only pretended to leave. But the door stays closed… and Baekhyun stays so far out of his reach.

It’s still unknown to Chanyeol as to what exactly lead them to this state, when they were always on the right track. It’s as if they were driving on a car, going on about two hundred miles per hour, but then they are forced to brake, to stop dead in their tracks when they’re so close to their destination. The impact it creates is just too strong it sends their car tumbling over, wrecking them. And with the swift and sudden fall from grace, sunny days seem so far away and it’ll be a long time before it comes back and visits them again.

Naturally Chanyeol asks himself, did he ever take things for granted, until now it seems like God is persistent on punishing him like this? Everyone is moving fast here and there, and he’s the only one who doesn’t know which way he’s going, as if he’s on a boat, floating with no direction, without knowing which way the river is going to flow. And it seems that no matter how much he keeps on rowing upstream, his boat won’t move. Pausing to look up only make him see the unpredictable long journey ahead, a sign that he still have such a long way to go. Goodness knows how much he tries to drag himself forward, but how can he move on, when Baekhyun, his compass, isn’t there for him anymore?

It’s there again. His headache. Where did he place his meds again? Oh, the bathroom.

Chanyeol staggers to the bathroom before he stops to stand in front of the sink, to stare at his reflection on the mirror. It reminds him of the night of new year’s eve before he proposed to Baekhyun for them to hold a wedding and called Jongin and Kyungsoo, when he mentally prepared himself and knowing Baekhyun will accept his idea because he knows how much Baekhyun loves him. Now standing at the same spot just like at that time, he wonders, does Baekhyun still…? He can’t even finish the question without thinking of how scared he is to find out about the answer.

Then he splashes scoops of cold water onto his face, hoping it’ll wake him up from this nightmare. But just like hundreds of time after he tried the stupid and useless method, he’s only more wakened up into this dreadful reality.

Anyway, after a quick gulp of an aspirin tablet, he’s done. Looking at his pale face in the mirror in front of him, he sees his wet face and soaked hair. Then his eyes land on the dark cinnamon orbs—through what people said are the window of one’s soul, he sees how rolling clouds of fear and doubt continue to fill his already polluted mind, as if he is surrounded by faceless spectral beings slipping in devilish touch to his every thought.

So Chanyeol decides to just let his mind flow free. Just like the rushing water stream following the twists and turns of the river that meanders gently, before it ends joining the calm mass of the sea. As a scene flashes upon his eyes, Baekhyun’s words from a time ago echo, drowning his other thoughts.

They were sitting next to each other at the campus library, at their favorite secluded corner, with Chanyeol still fretting and poring over his History of Music textbook and papers—the homework he procrastinated that was due the day after, and if it weren’t for Baekhyun dragging him to the library he would have forgotten about it. Baekhyun was sitting comfortably next to him, his homework done days before, wearing his antique pince-nez and engrossed in a thick, dusty book that seemed to be older than the both of them. He asked what was so interesting from the book to the point he saw Baekhyun smiling at the pages. Baekhyun replied, telling him that he was reading a collection of poems.

Baekhyun then recited a poem by Jalaluddin Rumi, a 13th century Persian poet, titled _The Guest House_. Chanyeol remembers Baekhyun telling him it was his personal favorite.

_This being human, is a guest house  
Every morning a new arrival_

_A joy, a depression, a meanness  
Some momentary awareness comes  
as an unexpected visitor_

_Welcome and entertain them all!  
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,  
who violently sweep your house  
empty of its furniture  
Still, treat each guest honorably  
He may be clearing you out  
for some new delight_

_The dark thought, the shame, the malice  
Meet them at the door laughing,  
and invite them in_

_Be grateful for whoever comes  
because each has been sent  
as a guide from beyond_

Then Baekhyun told him to always take the chance to answer the doorbell and allow every experience inside; be a guest house for all of his visitors of feelings and thoughts—the entertaining ones and even the ones that linger and bind his mind—treat them well, and let them all depart at the end. Back then, Chanyeol didn’t get it, why should he let sadness inside his house? Baekhyun only replied with an enigmatic smile that seemed to say that Chanyeol would find out later.

So Baekhyun continued, that the entirety of being a human is a messy business, but the experience of it, is invaluable. It’s to learn and admit all of his feelings into his house, as if they are old friends he hasn't seen for so long. All of his emotions are valid, both the desirable ones and even the ones he wishes to evade. Everyday people are given the opportunity to welcome new experiences in their lives. But at times, behind the walls, people hide behind false comfort within the familiar and the predictable. Fear makes them bolt their doors and shut their windows, letting out the guests that might help them change and grow.

Accept and let them all in, listen to what it has to say, and learn from it. Deal with them with his own ways and only by then, they will open a portal to awareness, to a new state of being. Even though they bring rain of riot and flood of tears into his house, they might be cleansing away the residue of past fears and reshaping your house into a better space, to make room for some brand new days filled with sunshine. Either sorrow or happiness, they’re there to teach him how the shadow and the light carry equal weight.

And only now Chanyeol understands.

Even though Baekhyun is nowhere in sight, leaving Chanyeol alone to deal with the unwanted guests of forlorn feelings on his own in his desolate house, he won’t let the fear starts the what-ifs of him won’t be seeing Baekhyun again, in spite of the fact that it’s already on his doorstep, knocking.

Though the tightrope of uncertainty that Chanyeol is walking on just sways and leaves him tottering on the edge, he will try to face the devil who’s talking with its angel’s eyes at the other side of the rope.

As the last train of thought leaves his mind, suddenly there’s a loud ringing voice and a stream of light upwards coming from the kitchen. One glance and Chanyeol knows it’s his phone ringing with its screen lighting up from where it lies on the dining table. Albeit still swaying lightly, he tries to walk slowly to prevent the danger of lurching completely. Then he picks up the call, and he hears someone speaking something to him. He’s trying to remember whose voice it is—but somehow he just can’t recognize who’s speaking to him…

Chanyeol hears it, he swears he does, but somehow the person’s voice is distorted—why can’t he hear clearly, like someone is blowing gusts into his ears? Why can’t his brain put a name to the voice he’s listening to, like something is blocking his mind from thinking clearly?

Then his headache that was silently throbbing comes out again in full force, with its hands starting to jab his head repeatedly, making the pain almost unbearable. The apartment suddenly feels like it’s spinning on its axis, and to make it worse his vision gets heavily blurred and his hearing is filled with something like TV’s static.

Or—is it Baekhyun?

As his mind is interspersed by thoughts of who’s calling him and flashes of Baekhyun walking away, leaving him… his brain comes by the thought of how he has to let whatever is happening to him and Baekhyun into his house—to accept it all for the time being.

And that is the last thing that occurs in Chanyeol’s mind before he loses his balance, falling down to the ground when finally his head hits the floor with a heavy thud, 

and the world turns black.

_Chanyeol -1000 – Baekhyun +5_

***

**April 30th, 2017**  
 **Seoul, South Korea**

**D – 13**

It’s been a day since Baekhyun left their shared apartment.

Yesterday midnight Chanyeol woke up from his first time fainting—another one out of his many unpleasant firsts since 2017 started—alone. He expected Baekhyun to come back home, to tend to him and maybe they’ll make up somehow, but as always his disappointment won: no Baekhyun.

The call is also another source of disappointment—it wasn’t from Baekhyun. It was Jongin calling to confirm the last details of the wedding. This morning Jongin and Kyungsoo visited him, they said they are so worried about him since they heard him falling down through the call and brought along with them bowls of hot food for him. Funny, how his best friends care more about him than Baekhyun, the person he thinks loves him so much. 

But wait, does Baekhyun still…? Again, he wants to know the answer, but at the same time he doesn’t want to know—too afraid of what kind of answer is waiting for him.

This morning after Jongin and Kyungsoo left, he went to a clinic near their apartment. The doctor is a good friend of him and Baekhyun, and just like the last check-ups in the few past months, he got another prescription of non steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs for his headache and antiemetic drugs to treat his nausea. He bought the meds in the drugstore and kept them all hidden as usual in a locked cabinet at their bathroom just so Baekhyun won’t ever find it.

The doctor actually also suggested him to have a further check, but he rejected, opting to go home since him being missing will be suspicious if Baekhyun finds out. He’s going to keep this being sick business away from Baekhyun, he doesn’t want to worry Baekhyun, ever. Still fresh in his mind how Baekhyun fussed over him when he got his first headache attack on the night of new year’s eve… even though he doesn’t know for sure, will Baekhyun react the same now?

Now Chanyeol is sitting on the high stool at the minibar, not moving even for a millimeter someone could mistake him as a statue. The apartment is in its dim state again, with only the sole yellow bulb above the kitchen counter illuminating him.

It’s ten past nine in the night, and he can’t help himself to remember that this is the time he and Baekhyun are usually on their nightly routine to go to sleep:

Brushing their teeth after dinner together in front of the mirror at the bathroom that sometimes turns into a singing competition, with their brushes as their microphones and they would sing with their mouth full of bubbles.

Washing their faces with face soap, and one time Chanyeol got a bit of the foam on his eyes that actually didn’t hurt, but seeing Baekhyun so worried he pretended to be so in pain to the point Baekhyun started to gently blew air into his eyes, before he sneakily kissed Baekhyun.

Them putting sliced aloe vera on their faces, and one time Chanyeol tried to scare Baekhyun with slices of cucumber that ended up with another chase full of laughter.

Baekhyun getting back at Chanyeol by using a mixture of white jicama face mask late at night and one time he tried to scare Chanyeol, which ended successfully sending Chanyeol running for his life.

Chanyeol chuckles at the memories, but the sound is stopped short by the fact that Baekhyun is not there to remember those days with him.

He feels so lonely. He misses Baekhyun’s presence, so he chooses to swim in their souvenirs of the past again.

He misses Baekhyun’s laughter when he tickles him or when they’re bickering with each other.

He misses watching Baekhyun read with his round Potter spectacles that will always slip down and he would push it back to rest on the bridge of Baekhyun’s nose, fixing it.

He misses waking up at night to find Baekhyun stroking his cheeks and purposefully keeps his eyes close to enjoy more of Baekhyun’s touches, even though sometimes he couldn’t help but smile and show his dimples—therefore blowing his cover—and having Baekhyun pinching his cheeks for pranking him.

He misses hugging Baekhyun’s delicate body, kissing him passionately to tell how much he loves him and getting Baekhyun reciprocate it back just as loving.

He misses cooking Baekhyun’s favorite meals and watches as Baekhyun gulps down the dishes and he would turn into a commentator verbalizing every spoon, fork or chopsticks movement Baekhyun does in every mouthful, earning him a smile, a laugh, then a chase around the apartment that he also misses… And it’s only been a day.

Last night was a torture. Chanyeol couldn’t sleep even for a blink, tossing and turning every five seconds making a mess of the beddings, as if in the next turn Baekhyun would magically materialize beside him. All he thought about is where Baekhyun is sleeping? Is he warm enough? Is he eating enough? Is he doing okay? Last night he assumed Baekhyun slept at his family’s house, so he didn’t worry much. But now the day has changed into the night again without Baekhyun coming back to him and he can’t help but worry about Baekhyun even more.

Chanyeol stares at his phone lying innocently on the minibar table in front of him, black screen showing him nothing and notification light unblinking mercilessly at him. He has been keeping surveillance at it right after Baekhyun left, but so far? Nothing.

In his phone, Chanyeol actually has been keeping all the text message drafts that he composed to Baekhyun during the time his mind won’t let him rest to sleep, each one containing just a sentence or two. A veiled remark to dig Baekhyun’s whereabouts like _Hyunnie, are you eating well? Where did you sleep?_ or a direct approach like _Baekhyun, please come home. I miss you_. He would send them but he knows that they’re just not enough, no matter how much he tries to rephrase his words, they sound too stony or stale, and Baekhyun deserves more than that. They need to talk. So, should he call him?

In fair play, it wasn’t Chanyeol’s fault—Baekhyun did forget their plan and for God’s sake it’s an important event for their wedding, which is going to happen in less than a week! He has his allowance to be annoyed, angered even. But he remembers how worn out Baekhyun looked last time, and suddenly he couldn’t even blame him anymore. This change of heart is too predictable for him, he admits he’s just like that. He’ll surrender everything for the people he loves, especially for Baekhyun.

So, putting aside his ego and reminding himself this anger is caused by the wedding preparation stress more than anything that happened between them, he finally dials Baekhyun’s number. He wants to fix this crack that started to appear days before their wedding. He doesn’t want them to start their newly wedded life with unsteady footing. He and Baekhyun are building a home, and when there’s something wrong with it—whether one of the light bulbs goes off or there’s a loose floorboard—he will try to fix the problem, not looking for another home.

Chanyeol waits as he raps his fingers lightly on the black marble table of the minibar, eyeing the plates of untouched dinner he himself cooked across him on the kitchen counter. He mindlessly listens to the dial ring tone as he stares intensely at Baekhyun’s caller ID photo, as if it could make Baekhyun show up in front of him, and in his mind he mentally writes what he want to say to Baekhyun. 

As if a miracle, when usually he got automated operator voice saying _the number you are calling is either switched off or not reachable at the moment_ every time he tried to call Baekhyun’s number, for the time he gets a new response as the operator says _the number you are calling is on another line, please try again in a moment_. Even though it means his call is technically rejected and Baekhyun is on a call with someone, it’s a major progress—Baekhyun’s phone is turned on. So after waiting for a seemingly excruciating three minutes, he tries again. The phone rings for one solid minute before Baekhyun picks up.

“ _H-Hello…_ ” Baekhyun tentatively greets, stuttering a little bit.

“Baekhyun, hi,” Chanyeol starts after he cleared his not itchy throat, trying to make himself sound less awkward from the slight guilt he feels, because he can tell from the tone Baekhyun uses the small man seems to be unsure to talk to him. He intended to have a small chit-chat first, but all that comes out of his mouth is, “So, uh… were you calling someone?”

“S-Seohyun nuna,” Baekhyun answers quickly, feeling slightly apprehensive if he didn’t do as such. “Just checking on me.”

“Oh, Seohyun nuna…” Chanyeol repeats, trailing off. He feels somewhat relieved, the groaning demons of jealousy in his mind calmed down, though mentally he’s cursing himself for sounding like he’s investigating him even though his intention is because he _cares_ about Baekhyun so much. But then, he hears something that sounds like one loud beep on the other side of the line. “Wait, what’s that sound?”

“ _W-what?_ ” Baekhyun startles, he doesn’t expect the interrogatory tone Chanyeol suddenly uses. “ _Oh, um, that sound? It’s just me typing on my computer. You know, work._ ” He adds quickly, struggling to juggle his words.

After spending almost every day in ten years of his life with Baekhyun, Chanyeol is not that easy to let things go out of his supervision. He knows clearly no computer keyboard sounds like that, and he also knows all too well one of Baekhyun’s habits. “Baekhyun. I know for a fact that you always type with both of your hands. But now I'm sure one of your hand is holding your phone?”

“ _Oh, um… Sorry, my bad. I was typing on my computer but that sound is…_ ” Baekhyun pauses, his voice quietening. “ _It’s actually the sound of S-Sehun’s phone, a new message notification—_ ”

“He’s there with you.” Chanyeol cuts, pointing out the obvious, sounding disgruntled and bitterer than he intended to. He tries as hard as he can to sound unfazed, but he can’t deny the ugly feeling of wanting to stab a particular person named Sehun is seeping through him again as the demons are reawakened. But then, that feeling is quickly drowned six feet under the ground by his intensified guilt after noticing how Baekhyun’s voice has been wavering since the start of their call, as if what he just said to him really scares him.

“ _Yeah we’re at the café, just working, with lots of people around._ ” Baekhyun carefully replies, choosing his words with more consideration since he knows how Sehun’s name bothers Chanyeol so much.

“Okay. Okay then.” Chanyeol says, more to himself than to reply Baekhyun. He tries as much as he can to exert his self-control and remember what is the goal of this call. He clears his not itchy throat again and continues, “Baekhyun, I’m calling to say that… that I’m so sorry. I did things that were against my own better judgement, I should’ve not responded like that when I know you’re tired—”

Baekhyun quickly interjects, his voice louder and tone sounding much relaxed now. “ _Chanyeol… it’s my fault, I forgot and missed lots of things. I will never let it happen again. Please forgive me, I’m so sorry._ ”

“I'm so sorry too, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol breathes out in relief. Even though the tension of not wanting to mess things up, and the mixed feelings about how Baekhyun is okay but he's with Sehun, are really tiring him out, he can finally smile genuinely for the first time in months. “It was all a part of my fault too. Please forget all I said that night—”

“ _It all doesn’t even matter now,_ ” Baekhyun assures, he forgives Chanyeol even way before the call. “ _Please forget mine too. I’m so sorry for hurting you._ ”

Baekhyun’s soft, soothing voice that Chanyeol misses so much now sounds so sad. He really can’t stand hearing Baekhyun speaking in such a dejected tone… and even more to know it’s because of him. “I’m really sorry because I hurt you too… I think we both got split into two, not just me or you.”

“ _Yeah._ ” Baekhyun agrees, they’ve had their fair share in the mess. Truthfully he doesn’t really know what to say, he still has dregs of guilt accumulating deep down in his heart.

“Are we okay now?” Chanyeol asks after a few minutes of them not speaking, hoping Baekhyun will say yes. Then he tentatively adds Baekhyun’s nickname to soften the stiff atmosphere. “H-Hyunnie?”

“ _We’re good, no hard feelings._ ” Baekhyun replies, smiling to his phone. He knows that when Chanyeol is using the nickname for him again, the tall man already forgives him and it’s all going to be just fine.

Chanyeol somehow can hear Baekhyun’s smile through the much lighter tone in the small man’s voice. He doesn’t know how to properly say that he misses Baekhyun, so he decides to ask Baekhyun a question instead, hoping Baekhyun will catch his hint. “A-Are you going to come home then? To our apartment, I mean.”

Hearing no response from Baekhyun makes Chanyeol think maybe he’s asked something too much or too fast right after they made up. So he quickly revises his sentence. “Or maybe you could spare an hour or so? I can cook anything you want to eat and we’ll go for lunch picnic at the city park like we used to do, and maybe we can really talk it through.”

“ _Yeol…_ ” Baekhyun starts, his voice somehow is back into one tone below a whisper.

At this, Chanyeol can feel his soul soaring into the heavens, Baekhyun is using his nickname again! This is a good sign, Baekhyun will definitely come home and things are going to go well at last. His enthusiasm rockets higher than the Apollo 11 or the ISS, probably joining the Hubble telescope. “Yes, Hyu—”

“ _Yeol, I know our wedding day is near but I need more time. I think I’ll see you again on the day of our wedding?_ ” Baekhyun cuts off, his tone pleading.

Chanyeol goes silent. The launch of his spaceship stops midway before it plummets down into the earth—he went up high when he knows Baekhyun and him are finally okay again, only for him to go back down so low when Baekhyun suggested for them to meet later. He really doesn’t know what to reply, he really wants Baekhyun to be at his side right at this freaking second he might as well drag Baekhyun away from working with Sehun, but he knows he can’t push Baekhyun too much or else he’ll break. And he doesn’t want that.

“Really?” Chanyeol says after two minutes has passed, hoping the chance of some silence he gave will somehow makes Baekhyun correct his words and say he’ll coming home instead, but… well. He’ll take what he can get. “Oh, um. Okay then, I’ll see you on the day. Dress nice for me.” He adds, trying to insert some humor to ease the tension.

“ _Yeah, I will… I’ll dress nice for you,_ ” Baekhyun replies before chuckling a bit. It feels good to laugh again with Chanyeol after all the things that happened between them. “ _Listen, Yeol. I’m so sorry but I really have to hang up now._ ”

Despite the short time of them talking, in a way Chanyeol feels… okay. At least they’re okay now and he manages to make Baekhyun laugh a bit. Knowing the fact that he’s the reason behind Baekhyun’s laughter is enough to be his reason to go for the extra miles. Since it feels like they have limited time to be together at the moment, he won’t let the chance to reciprocate his never-ending and undying love for Baekhyun to pass. “Hyunnie, I—”

“ _—I love you, Yeol,_ ” Baekhyun cuts off again, much faster than Chanyeol. Then after he took a deep breath, he repeats the only thing he wants Chanyeol to know, his voice firm and loud. “ _I love you so much, Park Chanyeol._ ” 

“I love you so much, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol replies right away, smiling when he hears the sincerity in Baekhyun’s voice—it gives him a new hope that everything is going back on track. He’ll be seeing Baekhyun soon, Sehun be damned. He hopes the honest longing tone in his voice is enough to somehow transfer his love over. He wants to let Baekhyun know that his heart is always his, and no one else’s. It sounds cheesy and repetitive until some people might say _I love you_ s have lost its true meaning, but to him it’s important to always let people know you love and care for them. Who knows what will happen to him even a second later, he might not be able to say it again.

Baekhyun says nothing, and he hangs up the call first.

Chanyeol doesn’t even bother to turn off the call, letting the _tut, tut, tut_ sounds that tell him the line is already disconnected to ring in the empty space of the apartment. It’s as if the sounds are mocking him—his connection with Baekhyun ends right there, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

As he spins his phone on his hand, he can’t help but miss the time when he and Baekhyun used to mimic those couple-y antics with Baekhyun saying _you hang up first_ and he would reply with _no, you hang up first_ that went on for minutes before either Junmyeon at the other side snatched Baekhyun’s phone and hang up with a _Chanyeol, please let Baekhyun work or I’ll pull your ears again_ that always succeeded in making him laugh and hang up, or his studio crews reminding him of their project with knowing smiles on their faces. But now…

A few minutes pass and Chanyeol finally puts down his phone, dismissing the call before locking it. The silence that was broken by the call and loitered behind his back clouds over him once more.

The time when the call ends is a little over ten, but it’s not until half past eleven and nearing midnight when he decides it’s okay to turn on the TV.

But not long after he turned the TV on, he remembers one of his and Baekhyun’s favorite late night hobbies: late night watching TV mindlessly while cuddling on the couch with pillows under their heads and blankets covering their bodies.

Just like flicking through the channels without knowing which one to stay at… to Chanyeol right now it’s like they’re playing a multiple choice game with so much option and so much endings, he just doesn’t know what will happen next. It’s creating pandemonium in his heart, with all too familiar sense of searing pain just rips right through him again. The world starts to have less meaning to him without Baekhyun at his side.

People might reach the point where they can feel… what’s the word for it? Saturated. Bored and tired of tedious reoccurrences, from which they need to get away. Just like him and everyone else needing a getaway or a holiday from work. From his experience, Chanyeol has to admit how sometimes everybody needs a little time away from each other. Even at some point lovers need a time-out far away from each other too. Even though he swears he will never get tired of Baekhyun… Maybe this is what Baekhyun need. He understands Baekhyun, even though for still unclear reasons. Besides, he has been with Baekhyun for _years_ , a few days are supposed to be just fine.

After all, absence and distance aren’t always bad. They also make the two separated hearts grow fonder, right?

Even so, like a spell a rebel in a revolution yell, all Chanyeol wants is the world to grant his wish for Baekhyun to come home, his confederate soldier in life’s battleground who has been away from him for so long.

There it is again, playing almost like a broken record: Rimsky-Korsakov’s orchestral interlude of The Tale of Tsar Saltan, Op. 57: Act III, Tableau 2 _Flight of the Bumblebee_ and its frantic tempo that evokes the seemingly chaotic and rapidly changing flying pattern of a bumblebee. He and Baekhyun used to challenge each other to play the just as complex piano version translated by Rachmaninoff, teasing while laughing at their abysmally poor attempts. But these days, ironically the piece only acts as an ill-omened divertimento to his state of mind, he can no longer separate the tangled strings of his thoughts that apparently have created a havoc on its own.

Even when he’s only lying on the couch and doing nothing, still he feels that familiar pain in his head. His headache hurts more these days, if that’s even possible. Prior to last week, the pain was bearable, albeit it felt as if a truck hit him and drove over his head every time he wakes up in the morning. Now it turns into a drilling ache into the core of his brain in his every waking moment. But he swears for a moment somehow after hearing Baekhyun’s voice a few minutes ago, it lessens into just tiny pokes into his head…

Suddenly comes to his mind the memory of when he and Baekhyun vowed on so many nights ago they would be friends who stay together until they die—just like marauders who solemnly swear up to no good or knights in a camaraderie who swore on an oath. But just like the change of the winds and the inexplicable way the waters flow, he knows he can’t elude the inexorable changes forever. He knows he will miss the days where everything was fine, before the rollercoaster of the past four months happened between them. What he wouldn’t give for just a moment to hold…

Chanyeol decides to seek a solution from the night sky, to ask the region of the atmosphere and outer space of what he should do. After he rose from his seat on the couch, he walks to the glass doors leading to their balcony and looks up to the sky through the translucent glass. There’s only one star up there, but it’s enough. It’s a reminder of how he promised Baekhyun that he’s going to love him as long as there are stars above them.

Everyone must be tired hearing this fact all over again, but Chanyeol’s reason to stay is the same through all the years he’s spent with Baekhyun. His mind is made up, nothing can change the fact that he always believes in Baekhyun, and he will continue to do just that.

And just like the stars guarding the moon for 4.7 billion years and counting, who die and come back to life over and over again for the eternal moon, Chanyeol will always stand guard for Baekhyun, his moon, for he’ll always rise back up no matter how much he falls, no matter what happens,

Forever.

At least,

_Chanyeol 0 – Baekhyun +6_

***

**May 6th, 2017**  
 **Seoul, South Korea**

**D – 7**

It’s finally the wedding day.

Chanyeol breathes in the morning’s fresh air as he walks around the church grounds.

Today the rain that has been washing the city for the last few days is gone, and in exchange of it, the day offers a warm sunny day with clouds peeking here and there, obscuring some of the sunshine. The grounds of the church are still a little bit damp from last night’s light rain, the smell of wet grass drifts across the air. The occasional babble of laughing children going to school, mothers gossiping while shopping at local shops and the men and women going to work while discussing about what happened to their country today colors the day—in short, it’s a good day.

Today is going to be an unforgettable day for Chanyeol and Baekhyun, for today will be the day they’ll go through the sacral ritual of the union of two lovers. It’s Baekhyun’s birthday too, his most favorite day in the world where he can spoil and take care of Baekhyun as much as he likes, so it doubles the fun. Of course, he has surprises planned for that specific yearly event, but that’s for later. 

Today, he’s going to make everything right. He likes to think of it like a book, despite of the hardships the character has to face, there will be a chapter where everything finally goes back in place, to line up just as it’s meant to be.

The church Chanyeol and Baekhyun chose is a spacious but quite secluded one with an all white theme, wide clear windows on every side, tall main double gates leading to a path of smooth stones inside and a garden enough for them to hold an outdoor wedding. All around, covering the black wrought iron fences, there are carefully trimmed high hedges acting as screen of green bushes to ensure complete privacy. The modern utilitarianism architectural design of the church makes the place look like an avant-garde museum rather than a church, only a modest looking cross and a post sign that indicate the place is actually a church.

A wedding chalkboard, which is an idea supplied by Kyungsoo, is placed on its easel in front of the church gates to help the guests find the place. Written in Jongin’s handwriting, people can read _welcome to our beginning! dine, dance and don’t forget to laugh!_ under stenciled letters of _Chanyeol & Baekhyun_ complete with a cute doodle of two men hugging each other that perfectly resembles the grooms of the day, with two _I do_ dialogue bubbles on top of their heads. A table with a simple guest book is also prepared for the guests to fill their names and leave notes.

Walking inside the church, people will see it has been transformed into an elegant place, with the aisle where he and Baekhyun will walk down together is draped with white aisle runner carpet, the railings that separate the aisle and the guests’ area are decorated with white flowers. On each side of the aisle, circular tables covered with silver silk are placed, and on top of them lays programs, menu and place cards complete with sleeking shiny porcelain plates, silverware in all kinds of size, and crystal flute champagne glasses for the formal Korean lunch banquet. There’s also a gift placed in every seat and wedding favors for the short list of guests with thank-you cards dangling from its wrappings.

The place where they will exchange vows is transfigured into a wooden classic Victorian ceremony-wedding arch. The wooden pillars of the arch are tangled with Virginia creeper’s red autumn foliage and bows of airy, fine linens. Numerous baskets of fresh flowers are placed in every corner to create an illusion of a greenhouse, the natural fragrance spreading throughout the space. On the left side of the arch, there’s a two tiered cake placed with a custom made cake server engraved with their initials, and littered next to it is a pile of presents for Baekhyun—thirty presents in total for his thirtieth birthday that Chanyeol wrapped and wrote different notes for every single of it himself.

Everyone is busy—the vendors Chanyeol hired are passing the church grounds, caterers bringing in trays of today’s menu and trolleys laden with fifteen different hors d’oeuvres, photographers setting cameras up on its tripods at strategic places, waiter and waitresses ready with their trays up high on their hands.

As per Baekhyun’s—and now also his, thanks to the small man—profound love of classical music, Chanyeol hires a medium sized orchestra band for the day. They are all dressed impeccably in black from head to toe, with each of their polished instruments gleaming under the shining sun, their hands’ movements create a harmony that flows together perfectly with the fine morning buzz, carried everywhere by the help of the gentle spring breeze.

The sinfonietta is outside the church, and he can hear them rehearsing the list he gave them: from his and Baekhyun’s wedding march with Johann Pachelbel’s _Canon & Gigue in D Major_ for their entrance and Mendelssohn’s _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_ Op. 61: IX. Wedding March to accompany them walking back up to the aisle hand-in-hand, Mozart’s Serenade No. 13 _Eine Kleine Nachtmusik_ in G major, K.525 and Bach’s _Violin Concerto_ No. 2 in E Major, BMV 1042 played in allegro for a thrilling and exciting dance, Handel’s Solomon HMW 67: Act III _The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba_ and Music for the Royal Fireworks Suite HWV 352: IV: _La Réjouissance_ during cocktail hour for guests to socialize while drinking and eating appetizers, to Holst’s piece of _St. Paul’s Suite_ for everyone to dance a lively and vivace jig.

The church grounds aren’t left out from decorations, the place has also been bedecked for the afternoon garden party. On the left side of the church’s walkway, a plywood built-in dance floor for him and Baekhyun to start the first dance of the waltz, with Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker Suite, Op. 71a: _Waltz of the Flowers_ leading their way, is constructed. Around it, white wooden chairs for the guests to rest their legs after dancing are placed under the propped translucent sailcloth tents. On the right side of the walkway, placed in a half arc sequence are stalls for assortments of desserts, mini ice cream parlor that Baekhyun loves, a photo booth with comedic props, and a cocktail bar. There are lanterns hung on high wooden poles connected with fairy lights alongside the church grounds’ perimeter, ready to be light up when the party continues until night.

While Baekhyun has been busy for the last months, with Jongin and Kyungsoo’s help, he managed find an officiant, a kind priest for the ceremony that helped him take care of their marriage license’s requirements paperwork.

The pastor checks on Chanyeol for the first time at the waiting room, where he has been waiting and told to be relaxing by the reliable Jongin and Kyungsoo for two hours, assuring him all the ceremonial and party necessities are prepared and everything is under control. The pastor discusses the readings before he and Baekhyun say their vows and gives him last minute advices.

After the pastor leaves, Jongin’s second-in-command, Kyungsoo, comes to check Chanyeol. This happens every ten minutes or so, so Chanyeol speaks to him on this strange behavior. Kyungsoo then replies with a smile and a _it’s Jongin’s orders_ , and somehow the man on the topic bellows a _thanks, Kyungsoo!_ from three doors away, again displaying the two’s mind reading ability. After he made Chanyeol twirl, Kyungsoo comments, “Nice suit, Chanyeol.”

“Thank you, Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol replies, eyeing his attire for the day. Today he wears the set he fitted alone. He decided to follow the theme Baekhyun chose for his own set but with some modifications: a single-breasted white wedding tuxedo jacket with jetted besom pockets, shawl lapels lined with black satin facings, and a simple black bow tie adorning his neck. Underneath his tux, he wears a white cotton piqué shirt, black cummerbunds around his waist, black dress pants, and a pair of black leather cap toe Derby shoes to complete his ensemble. He’s sure he and Baekhyun will look so good, two wedded spouses dressed in white dancing waltz to Vivaldi’s _The Four Seasons_ : Spring in E Major, RV. 269.

After asking whether Chanyeol needs anything, Kyungsoo leaves him to check on the progress of the final preparations with Jongin, once again leaving the groom alone.

Grinning, trying not to jump up and down from too much adrenaline and ruin his tux, Chanyeol sits himself on the couch. He can’t believe the day finally comes. If he were to describe his feelings, it’s like giddiness, excitement, nervousness, and a million other things all rolled into a giant tidal wave of emotions. He admits all he want right now is to see Baekhyun walking to the altar in his direction, saying each other’s vows and telling each other _I do_ after the pastor asks them will they stay by each other’s side for an eternity.

Now that he’s talking about vows, he thinks it’s only right to practice saying it again before doing it for real in front of everyone, the pastor, and of course his husband-to-be, Baekhyun.

_I promise you that I will be your mirror, sword and shield  
I promise you that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you  
I promise you that there isn’t a fire I wouldn't walk through for you  
In this moment of eternity, I confess to you that in my life I only want to see you for always_

Midway rehearsing the vow, someone’s knockings make Chanyeol stop reciting his lines, and a moment later someone’s head pops from behind the waiting room’s door. It’s Jongin’s this time, and Chanyeol notices there’s a pencil sticking behind the wedding organizer’s right ear.

“Park, those are smooth, I like it,” Jongin says, smirking as he leans on the doorframe, arms hugging the notebook that contains the timetables of the day’s event. He looks down to check on his watch, right hand reaching to the spot behind his right ear to get his pencil. Scratching the current time, he looks up and continues, “Anyway, it’s near to due time. You ready? Where’s Baekkie hyung?”

Chanyeol blinks twice before laughing softly, a bit embarrassed from Jongin’s teasing. “Uh, thanks Jongin. And um,” he reminds himself of Baekhyun’s promise from their last call. “I think Baekhyun will be here anytime soon.”

Jongin gives him an excited _okie! Be ready in fifteen!_ and a thumbs up—he’s going to give the groom two thumbs up if it weren’t for the thick planner he’s holding—before disappearing again behind the door.

Chanyeol smiles to himself, eyes directed at the full body mirror in front of him and all he sees is his imagination of Baekhyun standing right beside him, smiling. He really can’t wait to see Baekhyun… especially after they made up through phone call two nights ago. Clearly it doesn’t feed his hunger of Baekhyun but any improvement is a good thing, a progress. Speaking of his groom, he hasn’t seen Baekhyun at all since six days ago. He feels bad for not seeing Baekhyun for that long, but after the fight he figured they needed some time alone before the wedding, and Baekhyun did ask him for some space.

Chanyeol wonders where Baekhyun spent the last seven days at, since he checked to Baekhyun’s family house—in case Baekhyun missed his family again but he won’t tell Chanyeol for the fear of making him worry, a trait he has been reprimanding Baekhyun for so many times before but Baekhyun just won’t budge—but he didn’t find him there. He opted to look for Baekhyun at his safe zones other than their shared apartment and his family’s house. But still, no Baekhyun. His mind is stuck as to where else he should look for Baekhyun, since he pretty much covered every place already. Although he has to admit, these days it seems like there’s another new option coming to surface beside those places that he doesn’t want to think about…

So Chanyeol walks out from the waiting room to look for Baekhyun, and in time meeting a slightly worried Minseok. Again, he wonders why. “Minseok hyung, do you see Baekhyun?”

Minseok freezes, his eyes warily meeting Chanyeol’s, quivering for a slight second. But then in a flash it’s back to its usual calm state. “Uh, no, Chanyeol. I thought he’s with you?”

“No, I can’t find him anywhere…” Chanyeol unconsciously scratches his head, almost messing his hair if it weren’t for him remembering he has it styled neatly for today’s occasion already. Then he decides to ask Minseok again. “Hyung, did Baekhyun spend a night at your house?”

“Um. No, he didn’t. Why should he be at my house? Don’t you two live together?” Minseok replies, this time he stares at Chanyeol’s curious eyes with a bold gleam in his eyes. When Chanyeol doesn’t reply and just continues to pace up and down the hall instead, he asks him again. “Chanyeol?”

“Uh long story, hyung, but we kind of got into a fight—but we are okay now!” Chanyeol adds hastily, upon seeing the instant murderous look that appeared on Minseok’s face after he said the word _fight._

“Well, if that’s settled,” Minseok says, still unconvinced, eyeing Chanyeol suspiciously. “Can you just call him? Ask him where he is?”

It took a split second for Chanyeol to get his head around the suggestion as he slaps his forehead. How can he forget to call Baekhyun? Maybe all the excitement and nervousness of the whole wedding affairs make his brain go all fuzzy. Then he quickly retrieves his phone from his pocket, and dials Baekhyun’s number that he knows by heart.

When Chanyeol heard Baekhyun’s voice, he’s about to say his greeting cheerfully, feeling relieved to finally able to reach the small man. But it only lasts for a moment as he registers it’s from the voicemail. Nevertheless, he easily shrugs the unanswered call off, even though while trying to ignore the feeling that something not right is bound to happen.

Chanyeol tries again, no answer. Another try, another automated answer—Baekhyun’s voice greets him again, but right now he needs the real Baekhyun and not voicemail Baekhyun. He jabs his thumb on the end call icon quickly before trying again. Another busy line.

Minseok gives Chanyeol a questioning look that asks if there’s a response and the tall man just replies with an equally questioning look that signs the answer is negative. He decides to help and do something as he gets out his phone too from his pocket. “Okay. Hold on, let me text Baekhyun and you can continue calling him.”

Chanyeol just nods distraughtly, his right hand still holding his phone close to his right ear, listening to dialing sounds and hoping Baekhyun on the other side of the line will pick his call up.

Minutes are passing quickly, like sand easily slipping through Chanyeol’s fingers. Both of Chanyeol and Minseok’s eyes are trained at all times on their phones, the former still trying to call Baekhyun’s number and putting his phone on loudspeaker while the latter is typing away.

“Hyung, any answer?” Chanyeol asks again for the fifth time, hoping at least Baekhyun will answer Minseok instead if somehow he’s still mad at him for their fight.

Minseok shakes his head again, also for the fifth time. He checks his phone again, looking for new text messages, even though he knows there will be a sound notification or vibrations from his phone if he ever receives one. He types another text for Baekhyun, his mind thinking. Why things like this happen in such inappropriate time, right now?

As Chanyeol abuses his phone screen trying to type a text and call Baekhyun simultaneously, Jongin, who acts as the time keeper of the rundown, comes back to retrieve the grooms of the day.

“Park, it’s time. We’re almost running late—Kyungsoo tried to get me into his trap to get another cake and presents for Baekkie hyung and you when they’re already piling up Everest high—thank God I’m _not_ an easily tricked time keeper. We should go now—” Jongin says in a breath, his eyes scanning the surrounding but only finding Chanyeol and a man that he knows is Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s best friend, both of whom look greatly harried. “Wait. Where is Baekkie hyung?”

“I-I-I, uh, I,” Chanyeol tries to reply while fumbling with his phone that almost slips out of his hand from the sweat accumulating, trying to call Baekhyun’s number again. “Wait a minute.”

This time Chanyeol’s twenty ninth try to connect to the line ends up with another automated voice, but instead saying the current line is busy, it says that the phone he’s trying to call is out of reach. His heart plunges, doing a free fall from the highest cliff. Baekhyun’s phone is definitely turned off and there is no other way to contact him.

“Chanyeol?” Jongin calls, dropping his usual playful self. He grows concerned after seeing the panicked look on Chanyeol’s face. “Is there something wrong?”

“It’s—It’s just… Uh, Hyunnie’s—” Chanyeol replies, still distracted, his motoric coordination going haywire as his eyes flit from his phone screen to Jongin’s confused face, his thumbs pressing anything just to text and try to call Baekhyun at once. “Baekhyun—he’s—”

Jongin knows exactly what to do. He pulls out his walkie-talkie and starts whispering commands to Kyungsoo on the other side of the line. Then he reaches over to Chanyeol’s side to pat the groom’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. “Let me and Kyungsoo do something while you look for Baekhyun hyung. Okay?”

At that Chanyeol only nodded and mumbled a hurried _okay, thanks Jongin_ , all the while trying to connect a call to Baekhyun’s phone, even though he knows it’s useless now with the phone turned off.

Vainly Chanyeol tries to call and text anyone he knows that might have a clue of Baekhyun’s location, from Baekhyun’s family to Baekhyun’s old friends from university. But each reach only gives him no positive result. The strangest thing is that not one of Baekhyun’s family’s phones is reachable. What is going on?

Chanyeol decides to try another tactic: ask the guests. The guest list contains people who are considerably close to the both of them, so they might know where Baekhyun is—even though it’s silly to ask the guest about someone who should be their host, but now his priority is to find Baekhyun as soon as possible. He runs through the aisle, going to the tables in his left to his right and asking where Baekhyun is. But everyone only offers him the same _sorry, no_ accompanied with an apologetic shake of their heads.

“Where is he, hyung? How come no one sees him anywhere?” Chanyeol pleads to Minseok, who he knows is the closest to Baekhyun. It’s already the hundredth time he asked him. Where on earth is Byun Baekhyun, just right when they’re going to reach another milestone in their lives?

The more Chanyeol ask—even though he ensures he asked everyone around five times already only to receive the same unsure answers, and some even threw him questions of what happened to Baekhyun which he could only reply with an unconvincing _nothing, don’t worry_ —the more he grows restless. He is just so tired and resorts to mentally cursing himself. He should have not let Baekhyun go that night the last time he saw him, Baekhyun could’ve just crawl back into his open arms…

Chanyeol racks his brain for places Baekhyun might be, his safe zones. The Byun’s family house? Six unanswered phone calls to the house’s telephone rule out the place. At the office? Almost all of Baekhyun’s closest coworkers are here, and when he asked them they all said the office is closed for today. The apartment? Another phone call to the guard he knows tells him Baekhyun isn’t seen anywhere near their apartment.

Then a thought struck Chanyeol like a lightning in a heavy thunderstorm—the very same thought he tried to brush off when he’s thinking about Baekhyun’s safe zones an hour ago—Sehun. Baekhyun has been spending the time that he should’ve spent with Chanyeol with that rascal. Then a much worse thought appears in his mind: what if Baekhyun spend his nights at Sehun’s place… Baekhyun did tell him that once he stayed over Sehun’s to work on a project…

So it’s true. How indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. He never knew it will hurt this much—physically and mentally—it hurts more to think over how he and Baekhyun used to be, what they used to have. He doesn’t want to think—can’t he just stay oblivious of how they’ve become now?

How thin the line between love and hate is. So thin it gives way for chances of its border to be blurred when hatred and rage dominate his thoughts and rational mind to make decisions. Smiles and secrets, laughter and lies, happiness and hatred… all swirling with no way to tell which is which he’s currently facing…

Jealousy burns straight to Chanyeol’s heart and irrational rage fills his mind, like a spark touching the tip of a gasoline trail spreading into a wildfire. He had retained everything he had in his mind and heart for the past weeks and the Sehun thought finally cracked the dam like a knight opening the cork of a bottle of champagne with his sword—everything just bursts and pours out with no mind whatsoever. If that’s what’s really going on here, then so be it.

Is this why Baekhyun didn’t let him call his family about the wedding? Is this why Baekhyun has been spending so much time with Sehun, even choosing his wedding attire with the so-called assistant? Is this why the guest list Baekhyun suggested is so short? Are all those reasons exist because Baekhyun wants to cancel the wedding or even worse: to make it nonexistent in Baekhyun’s mind? As if his place in Baekhyun’s heart is forever erased? Is this his worst fear coming alive, again?

Chanyeol doesn’t know what else to do. He laughs bitterly, Baekhyun is really leaving him for that Sehun rascal? He’s really that dispensable? Fine. He’s going to Sehun’s place right now to confront the rascal and snatch his groom back. In fact, he remembers Baekhyun saying his place is somewhere in Jongno-gu, he should go right at this second.

But he needs to make sure, he never met this Oh Sehun guy anyway, and all information he has only came from Baekhyun’s mouth. Who should he ask for Sehun’s detailed address and phone number?

Just when that very thought passed Chanyeol’s mind, Junmyeon walks by in front of him with wireless earphones on his ears and talking fast, the boss seems like he’s having a business call with someone. He then connects the link: since Junmyeon is Baekhyun’s boss, therefore he is also Sehun’s boss. He should know about that Sehun rascal.

“Junmyeon hyung!” Chanyeol bellows, waving both of his hands to catch Junmyeon’s attention.

“Yes, we can do just that but can we wait until tomorrow? I have my family’s wedding day to attend—yes, thank you. I will hang up now, good day to you, sir—” Junmyeon says, ending his call and unplugging the earphones. He turns his body to face Chanyeol as he sees the tall man walks near. “Hey Chanyeol, what’s up?”

“Junmyeon hyung, do you know any of your workers in Baekhyun’s division named Oh Sehun? I need his details, right now.” Chanyeol urges. He fishes out his phone, thumbs hovering over its keyboard, ready to write the contact information of the wanted man.

Junmyeon is silent for a minute, thinking, as he flips over the invisible document of workers in his head. “Oh Sehun you say? Um, wait… I guess there isn’t anyone in the visual design division with that name… But I’m not sure since the company consists of so many divisions with lots of workers under them.”

Chanyeol stops scrolling down his phone. No one? “Hyung, are you sure? Please, it’s really not a time to play around.”

“Um well… Chanyeol, as far as I know there isn’t anyone under my division that goes by with the name Oh Sehun," Junmyeon scrunches his face, thinking hard. “But then again I can’t tell you much since I don’t remember everyone’s name in the office. Sorry, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol sighs. Inside his mind, the burning anger deflates in a wink of an eye, but it still left residues in form of thick smoke of exasperation that forces him to watch the past scenes of Baekhyun closing the apartment door without sparing even just a glance at him. He’s just fed up with being put down and made to feel stupid; the finding of mixed signs Baekhyun left him and paradoxical answers from different people he asked doesn’t help at all.

“Chanyeol? Are you okay?” Junmyeon finally adds, after three minutes of silence from Chanyeol, who only stands in front of him, swaying as if he would collapse anytime soon. Then he realizes he hasn’t seen Baekhyun since he arrived at the church. “Where’s Baekhyun?”

Chanyeol stands with his silence, only meekly shaking his head. The mention of Baekhyun’s name only makes his heart to yearn even more for the small man’s presence…

“Chanyeol…” Junmyeon softens his voice, knowing something must have happened terribly wrong after he sees the unfocused look on Chanyeol’s face. “Are you and Baekhyun okay? What happened? Tell me.”

Again, Chanyeol can give Junmyeon a shake of his head, feeling limp more than ever.

After he mumbled a _thank you_ to a concerned Junmyeon, Chanyeol slowly walks away from the boss, leaving him alone and confused with no answer to his question. His only lead to find Baekhyun has gone cold, reaching a dead end. Even though the spring breeze still offers some warmth and he can hear people laughing happily… he feels cold and tremendously disheartened, thousands of ugly thoughts passing his mind and creates a whirlwind of its own, like a horde of black hawks flying around to celebrate their dying prey. How can this be, is Junmyeon lying to him—or maybe he’s covering for Baekhyun—or maybe Sehun is never just a coworker, maybe he is someone outside that Baekhyun has been seeing—or maybe, maybe, _maybe_ —

Right at that thought, Chanyeol stops himself. He’s gone too far, what is he thinking? Is he seriously going to doubt Baekhyun, the person he knows and loves more than anyone for _ten_ years? Doubt Junmyeon, the person who has always been there for him?

Then he remembers the night of new year's eve, when Baekhyun asked him to believe him. He has to believe Baekhyun. No, he _needs_ to believe in Baekhyun. He trusts Baekhyun. Even though it’s getting harder to hold on to the thin string of faith these days…

The orchestra band stopped playing a long time ago, but Chanyeol swears he hears it, the piano screaming the pain of his heart when his mouth seems to shut itself. Beethoven’s Piano Sonata No. 14 _Moonlight_ in C-Sharp Minor, Op. 27 No. 2: I. Adagio sostenuto. His sorrowful friend.

Chanyeol decides to wait, maybe Baekhyun will show up in no time. But then again, that is the same thing he has been saying to himself for the past two hours. No matter how skillful Jongin is at time keeping and Kyungsoo at reassuring the guests and giving them vague answers to give a chance for Baekhyun to show up… he can no longer put things on hold. Their guests are growing anxious at the absence of the other groom.

Maybe Baekhyun just needs another time alone before the wedding. Chanyeol assumes that Baekhyun might be scared of how fast things are going. And if that’s the real situation, he blames himself. Because, how could he miss the signs? This wouldn’t happen if he were more careful, more attentive. Everything must be perfect for Baekhyun—he’d align the stars in heaven for him if he must.

Chanyeol decides to walk back to the waiting room, to wait again and just so he has something else to do to put his mind off of Baekhyun for a second—which he can safely say he failed at doing so at every attempt. The pastor checks on him again for the third time now right after he entered the room, and again he can only shake his head whenever the pastor looks at him with questioning looks. In the swallowing silence, understanding stares are given.

Minseok and Kyungsoo choose to stay with Chanyeol, watching him pacing around going in and out of the room with no reason, while whispering to each other—probably talking about his current crazed out state, but he doesn’t care. At this rate voices going in through his left ear are just to go out straight from his right ear, anyway. He only has his eyes and ears to wait for any sign of Baekhyun, his hands still relentlessly trying to call and text Baekhyun, his shirt under his tuxedo wet from the cold sweat running down his back despite the running air conditioner.

Chanyeol’s tuxedo is halfway ruined now from all the endless pacing. This time he ends up out of the waiting room. He halts, decides to stop and sit for a while, his energy drained. He’s not even sitting properly, he just plops down unceremoniously on the ground, his head and back resting against the wall. The ticking of his watch signaling the obstinate flow of time is the only sound he can focus on as he stays still as a statue. Appearance wise he probably looks like a Dementor now, the awful creature from Harry Potter that guarded the wizards’ prison, Azkaban. A tall, hooded figure with gloomy aura. Unlike the damned beings, instead of sucking people’s happiness and good memories, he deprives of them.

“Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol looks up, searching for who's talking. His heart races, is it Baekhyun? Is he finally here? “Baekh—”

“It's me, Junmyeon.” Junmyeon replies. He really can’t see Chanyeol like this. Chanyeol, in his mind, now resembles a prisoner from an asylum, frantically looking for a way out to escape that only exists in his mind, his eyeballs never stop moving, his appearance harassed. He found the news about Baekhyun not showing up from a worried Minseok, who thinks him as Chanyeol’s closest senior, might be able to help.

Chanyeol actually knows it’s not Baekhyun. He remembers Baekhyun’s voice like there's a permanent audio cassette tape playing it on his head all day. He’d know if it was Baekhyun from thousands of miles away, even if it’s just a faint whisper. But when his mind is desperate for Baekhyun, its receptor are already blocked from anything else but Baekhyun, making even the slight movement of the falling leaves in his peripheral vision to look like Baekhyun coming back to him.

“Baekhyun isn’t coming, Chanyeol.” Junmyeon says, softening his voice and make it as quiet as possible, as if hoping it might help reduce the pain and damage from the bomb he just dropped.

At the mention of Baekhyun’s name, Chanyeol scrambles to his feet before he latches his hands on both of Junmyeon’s arms, frantically searching for Baekhyun’s figure. “What? Hyung? Hyung! How do you know? Did Baekhyun call you? Is he here? Where is he? Baekhyun, are you there—”

“Chanyeol, relax now. Baekhyun didn’t call me… But if we’re about to logically think… after waiting this long, and all of our attempts to reach him is unanswered…” Junmyeon sighs, as he tries to balance himself with the added weight of Chanyeol that is slowly dragging him down, the latter now in a half sitting half kneeling position, grasping his arms as if his life depends on it. It’s so hard to tell Chanyeol the truth because he knows how crushed Chanyeol is right now, but Chanyeol needs a wake up call. “Maybe for today Baekhyun can’t come. He isn’t coming.”

Logically think. Chanyeol almost wanted to laugh, has he ever been thinking logically since his heart took over his mind to love Baekhyun wholly? He flops back to the ground with a loud thud, paying no mind to the dust dirtying his tuxedo. Is this a joke the universe has boiled on its cauldron for him? Or a reality TV show where a second after this he will be attacked by cameras, saying _smile to the camera you’re today’s joke_? Why didn’t anyone let him in the joke?

“We can no longer push back the wedding, Chanyeol. It’s already more than three hours.” Junmyeon says again, after seeing no sign of Chanyeol replying. He sees Jongin, Kyungsoo and Minseok all peeking from behind a round and large pillar at the opposite of Chanyeol’s line of vision, effectively hiding them from the saddened man, giving Junmyeon silent nods to show approval of his way of approaching Chanyeol.

“I… have to cancel everything.” Chanyeol finally says after some time passes with him just staring at nothingness and Junmyeon crouching beside him, with the older man stroking his shoulder to calm him down. It’s a double-sided sentence. Cancel their wedding or cancel their whole ten years of relationship? He doesn’t want to know.

It’s inevitable. This isn’t what Chanyeol dreamed for years.

He imagined himself only has his eyes on his glowing and shyly smiling Baekhyun despite being in the presence of so many people. Them saying their vows and _I do_ s. Him kissing a crying Baekhyun in front of everyone after the pastor say _you may kiss the groom_ like they haven’t done anything more than innocent kiss on the cheek. Him walking down the aisle with Baekhyun right next to him. Him laughing and waltzing with Baekhyun to Shostakovich’s _Jazz Suite_ No. 2: VI. Waltz 2 at the garden in the center of people dancing around them. Them sipping wine while hearing their families and friends belt out some humiliating speeches. Them having a cake war where everyone smears whipped cream from their wedding cake on people’s cheeks… the list goes on and on. 

But all of that and his hope for it to happen are going down the drain with his tears, and what hurts the most is that he can do absolutely nothing about it.

“Your call, Chanyeol.” Junmyeon replies. He can see it clearly—the sorrowful look painted all over Chanyeol’s face features. He honestly doesn’t know what to do to help Chanyeol other than offering his support.

Chanyeol muses over Junmyeon’s last words. He knows what it means, but he realizes another meaning of it—his and Baekhyun’s last call. Is it an indication of what happened today? Was it a farewell, a goodbye forever? Or is it just—a goodbye with a promise of a tomorrow, to come back later? He needs to know.

Chanyeol’s mind flashes in high speed, looking for signs or warnings that might caused this—and only now they come up, floating into view, they were all there all along, didn’t they? But now they’ve reached the point of no return and it’s too late for him to turn around.

Standing in the middle of a crowd where life’s invisible hands are pelting pebbles of troubles at him, Chanyeol feels like he’s forced to reach the end of the grieving stages where he needs to stop denying and start accepting the fact, when he just can’t.

His head hurts, the pace of his breathing turns shallow and irregular. He just can’t think straight when reality just crashed into him like a freight train in full speed.

His head hurts, but it's not because he feels ashamed for calling off the wedding or worried he has to pay extra for compensation. To hell with what people have to say about him and heavens know he has all the money to pay all the expenses ten times over. 

His head hurts because the barbed fragments of his shattered dreams and broken heart are puncturing him.

With Baekhyun gone, Chanyeol realizes he has to call off the wedding. With a heavy heart and Junmyeon helping him walk, he approaches Jongin, Kyungsoo, Minseok, the pastor and his family to tell them that the wedding is ‘rescheduled’ to another day. He doesn’t tell them about how he doesn’t know where Baekhyun is, until when the wedding is postponed or whether the wedding will be continued some time in the future. He will deal with it himself later.

The guests understand at Chanyeol’s first explanation of why the wedding is off, only telling them _something came up and Baekhyun can’t come, I’m so sorry_ with a deep bow. Thankfully he and Baekhyun agreed to only inviting their families and closest friends, even though that fact makes him think about how it seems like Baekhyun already knows this would happen when he gave him the short list of guest he wants to invite months ago…

Jongin, Kyungsoo, Minseok and Junmyeon come around to help Chanyeol rearranging everything with no questions raised, and he’s grateful for that. After he makes sure everyone is informed of what’s happening, all wedding paraphernalia from food to decorations are retrieved back by the vendors, and his friends are gone, he’s finally alone, sitting on the steps in front of the church.

Or so Chanyeol thought before he feels a hand softly massaging his left shoulder. Looking up, he sees him—Minseok.

“Hyung.” Chanyeol says, out of breath. He’s drained, void of any kind of emotions. It’s as if when he’s too tired of racing after running for hours and he looks back only for him to realize he never left the start point—never moving even just for an inch.

“Chanyeol,” Minseok takes a breath, arranging the right words as he sits next to Chanyeol on the steps. “I know it’s so hard but—don’t worry much, okay? Don’t overthink things, it will only stress you out. Trust Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol turns to look at Minseok’s face, eyes searching for answers in Minseok’s amber eyes. He needs confirmation that is it his fault Baekhyun doesn’t come today? Then he blurts out, “Hyung, do you know why Baekhyun left—” at that, he stops himself. No, he refuses to say that Baekhyun left him. That idea is so unthinkable and gives him the shiver, he doesn’t want to jinx it before he knows for sure. “I mean, what is happening? Or why does it happen, whatever it is?”

But whatever Chanyeol is trying to find in Minseok’s eyes, it’s not there. Minseok seems as uninformed as he is, and if he really knows something, he will never be able to dig it out of him. Minseok is that one person that keeps secrets to his grave.

”Chanyeol, I don’t know if I can say anything for you. I don’t even know if I have the right answer for you,” Minseok says softly, as he grasps Chanyeol’s shoulder gently, hoping it’ll transfer some strength for the lone groom. “But I know Baekhyun. _You_ know Baekhyun more than anyone. So, just let time fix things for you now.”

“It’s just—” Chanyeol wants concrete answers, not vague and imprecise ones. But he realizes asking thousand of times to a question with simply no answer available will just be a lackadaisical attempt. For now, he’ll just stop this fruitless search and try again tomorrow as he waits for any move from Baekhyun. Hand reaching to grasp back Minseok’s hand, he adds, “Thank you, hyung. Don’t worry, I will always trust Baekhyun.”

Minseok nods at that, pats Chanyeol’s shoulder for one more time before he stands up to leave Chanyeol alone at last.

Then Chanyeol breathes out loudly, finally able to take off his mask. He is so, so tired putting up a show in front of everyone, pretending everything is okay. The rush of emotions is back, now that he’s left alone with his own thoughts once again. He can’t believe a human can feel so much at once without their insides of their head exploding, just like what he’s currently experiencing right now with the many emotions he’s feeling, which he’s sure resembles the way someone forcing him to listen to a radio loudly channeling different frequencies all at once.

The orchestra of Chanyeol’s gloomy thoughts and sorrow replaces the band. How ironic is it that Baekhyun was the one who introduced him to the rhapsodic, classical vein of music; but now the melancholic requiem masses of Mozart, Brahms, and Berlioz become his friends in his loneliness when Baekhyun is not around.

As he stands at the front of the empty church, in front of his eyes, Chanyeol sees three things. A deeply scarred Willow tree with its teardrop-like leaves, small parts of his broken heart and his washed-out dreams. Like the dried leaves on the ground on an autumn day, those three things get blown away, following the pattern of the wind, leaving him alone.

Chanyeol goes home after everyone else left with remorseful glances thrown at him, to which he replied with a stony smile. The hardest thing to do was when he had to send his mother and brother, who were so reluctant and kept refusing to leave back home, with lies—repeating the same _I'm okay_ and _everything is fine, Baekhyun just has something to do_ to stop them from worrying.

Throughout the drive home, Chanyeol keeps his misery to himself. His mind is on autopilot, heedless of anything else.

Chanyeol doesn’t know what time it is as he drives, but the low sun in the reddish sky tells him he’s in the afternoon’s side of the earth. The streetlights he passes light up the street, looking like candles hanging up above in the air. In the way they flicker and float, always there alongside the road that goes on and on, down until where the sea and city meet… he can’t help but think how he’s up there too, holding on to all those chandeliers of hope. Maybe they’ll bring Baekhyun back to him. Maybe by then, all his troubles will be gone.

Somewhere in between, silently Chanyeol starts to cry. In every street Baekhyun walks on, he leaves tear stains on the ground.

When Chanyeol finally arrives, the deserted, barren space of his and Baekhyun’s apartment greets him. An exhausted glance reveals cluttered and unorganized things here and there, the only occupier of the place barely has time to put things back in its right place when his mind is always on the missing other occupier.

Chanyeol walks towards the phone on the living room table and pushes the voicemail button, with one last amount of hope he thought is impossible to procure, hoping his supposed groom for today left him a message of some sort. For five excruciating seconds he waits for Baekhyun’s voice, only to be let down by the sound of others—his family, friends and other people—asking him what happened, whether he’s fine or not and letting him know they’re there for him.

Don’t get him wrong, he’s eternally grateful for the gesture, but right now he needs Baekhyun, and no one else. So at the end he lets all the talking to continue without actually listening to it, the voices act as background sound in the black-and-white silent horror movie he’s currently starring in.

Bedroom is next in the path Chanyeol’s jaded steps lead to, and without bothering to flick the light switch, he opens the door. The once lively baby blue sky room seems to turn into a monotone, grayscale one; the only illumination it has comes from the muted dull orange afternoon sunlight, escaping from a narrow slit on the thick black curtain he put over the windows to mask him from the seemingly fine weather outside. The full body mirror that meets his eyes, only shows him himself in heavily disarranged tuxedo, his face red and streaked with tears… alone with no Baekhyun beside him. So, without thinking much he throws a white cloth over it.

From the corner of Chanyeol’s eyes, he sees a piece of paper with satin red ribbons on top of it placed next to the bedside table. He doesn’t need to read much into it for him to know what is written: a house property title.

Yes, today is supposed to be the day he give his present for Baekhyun’s birthday and their wedding. A spacious, three-floored house with high bushy gates around the green gardens at Pyeongchang-dong’s quiet and wooded resort-like suburb neighborhood with its art galleries filled streets that he had secretly bought for Baekhyun. He saved lots of his money right after he saw said house caught Baekhyun’s attention while they were on their way back to the apartment from their hiking trip to see the Seungasa Temple at Bukhansan National Park five years ago, and how Baekhyun can’t stop talking about the property since then.

And he’s not done, he has been secretly devising their honeymoon, to take Baekhyun to the US for a two weeks vacation at California—he knows how Baekhyun misses his family there and it’s also the city where Baekhyun has always wanted to travel to. He’d take Baekhyun and the Leica camera he bought for him to the places based on what Baekhyun loves in their journey plan. To Legoland, the Universal Studios Hollywood to see sets of famous movies and maybe slip into the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, and to the famous Disneyland that’s said to be the world’s happiest place perfect for a newly wedded couples, because he knows how Baekhyun loves to explore theme parks.

Chanyeol would take Baekhyun to The Los Angeles County Museum of Art and The Getty Center, because he knows how Baekhyun loves museums. To the Griffith Observatory because he knows how Baekhyun loves to peek at the cosmos. To the Santa Monica Pier and The Big Sur because he knows how Baekhyun loves to photograph nature sceneries. To the Madame Tussauds and Hollywood Walk of Fame because he knows how Baekhyun loves to go sightseeing. To Yosemite National Park because he knows how Baekhyun loves hiking. He’d take Baekhyun anywhere he wants to go.

Chanyeol has the scene carefully scripted in his mind; them coming back to the apartment after their wedding with bellies full of their wedding cake, bubbled with champagne, hearts burning with love and fueled with the thoughts of them as husbands. He would be carrying Baekhyun upstairs on his arms to their apartment while they laugh together. And when Baekhyun opens the door, the small man will find the house property title and the tickets of their honeymoon trip, and they will celebrate until late and past the blurry lines between night and day.

But now he’s forced to see what’s really happening is that his plans and the things between him and Baekhyun, instead of falling back into place like they used to be with his own effort to make it right, it all turned out to be just a pile of disorganized, haphazardly stacked blocks. And today they’ve fallen, today they’ve lost their balance.

Out of habit, he walks out of the bedroom to reach the living room and turns on the gramophone. Then he puts on a random vinyl record without paying much attention on who is the singer or what is the song, playing it just for the sake of battling the sickening silence his loneliness invites or the powerful longing and desperation from all that happened today. 

Odd. The gramophone stays the same, playing happy melodies, but this time no one bothers to dance. Silly of him to think by turning it on will somehow make Baekhyun materialize in front of him.

There are so many things Chanyeol are wondering about. Is he taking things too fast? Did Baekhyun get cold feet at the last moment?

Does Baekhyun still feel the same about them every time he woke up in the morning? Does Baekhyun still keep them inside his heart every time he goes to sleep at night?

Is the love still there?

The iron bars of prison don’t seem so scary now that Chanyeol has his taste of what does it feel like being trapped alone inside his mind, where he’s left alone with the confinement of dark thoughts whispering blurs of insecurities and no means to escape.

Chanyeol then realizes what song is currently playing as he tunes in and out of his thoughts: The Turtles’ 1967 pop rock song titled _Happy Together_ , another one song he and Baekhyun frequently dance to.

_Imagine me and you, I do  
I think about you day and night  
It’s only right to think about the one you love and hold them tight  
So happy together_

So Chanyeol tries to convince himself that the love is still there.

Baekhyun, who doesn’t spend much time at the kitchen, once made Chanyeol a large mozzarella cheese pizza. At a glance, the round pizza looked weird; the dough was only covered by a thick layer of mozzarella pizza, with cluttered slices of sausages placed in an almost random manner. It wasn’t until Baekhyun explained the pizza was an exact replica of the sky on the first time they met, and the sausages were placed according to the way the stars were on that night, then Chanyeol understood. He almost couldn’t eat the pizza, for he was so touched he took so many photos of it; but when Baekhyun stole a slice and told him he would bake it for him anytime he wanted to, he was assured. Baekhyun wasn’t going anywhere.

Chanyeol’s feet next take him into the bathroom, the gramophone still playing. He takes a shower without noticing that he still has his tuxedo on, fully dressed. He hopes the cold water will drown away his tears and his pain, as unwillingly he notices how everything in their shared apartment only serves as a hurtful reminder of his escaping Baekhyun—even though for the past weeks the amount of Baekhyun’s personal belongings in their bedroom has reduced, taken away by its owner for a reason Chanyeol will never know.

_If I should call you up, invest a dime  
and you say you belong to me and ease my mind  
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine  
So happy together_

The combination of the freezing shower and turned off heater adds more into the numbness and tingling sensation as if he has pins and needles on the tips of his fingers and toes that started to happen a few weeks ago. Three days ago, it has inched closer and farther into his arms and legs, while his hands started to twitch every now and then. Even the neuromuscular supplement prescription that he took as per the doctor’s recommendation only lessened it for an hour before it comes back in full force.

The icy cold water permeates into every part of Chanyeol’s clothing, sending intermittent throbbing jolts through the nerves of his head and to the core of his bones. Every time he blinks, a flash of Baekhyun’s face invades his vision, colorful against the blackness, but it will fade away every time he opens his eyes and when his fingers are still trying to reach the deception. He’s shaking, teeth chattering and body enveloped in a chilling numbness, his hot breaths fogging the crystal walls of the shower cubicle. His vision addled, he can no longer separate his tears from the flowing water.

Being drenched completely from his head to toe only aggravates Chanyeol’s headache. He can only groan loudly in pain, his voice loud, the sound heightened by the bathroom walls. His tablets of painkiller and analgesics don’t work anymore now. Next he tries thrashing his head to shake it off, and the pain indeed recedes a little bit, but only for it to come back much more intensified with his nausea invading his senses. The fog covering the glass walls of the shower cubicle caused by his breath pushing billows of steam into the seemingly solid air seem to mock him, as if the glass’ murky surface gives an impression of his clouded mind being clear. With the cold coming from being exposed too long under the rain of chilly water and the feeling of missing Baekhyun, even breathing is so hard for him to do…

This time the nausea he feels starts to stir up his stomach horribly, provoking him to retch forcibly as he struggles for breath. But this time, he can’t vomit anything—only translucent white substance that comes out of his mouth, which gets washed quickly by the water to go down the drainage. The acidic taste it left is stinging his throat, the sour stench affecting his senses.

Chanyeol tries again, chanting what seems to be impossible. The love is still there.

Baekhyun, who doesn’t sing just to anyone, once surprised Chanyeol by playing the piano and singing a song he wrote for Chanyeol, saying he wrote it just so anytime he wasn’t around, Chanyeol could listen to his voice, sing along, and make his heart remember him always.

_Me and you, and you and me  
No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be  
The only one for me is you, and you for me  
We’re happy together_

The bitterly cold water falling down on him finally strips Chanyeol raw of all the fabricated layer of illusions he forcefully draped over his eyes to hide the fact that this is the reality he’s living in, where everything he built with Baekhyun for ten years, a supposed majestic castle, might’ve just been to stand only upon pillars of salt and sand; and now everything just crumbles down in a matter of seconds to be swept away by a violent, destructive cyclone.

The scraps of his heart that he has been trying to piece one by one in a painstakingly slow pace, despite of all of his efforts to accept, to comprehend and to understand, are shattered once again in less than a second.

This chapter that he thought is going to end well, takes a plot twist. It gives him a cliffhanger, or even worse, a happily never after ending; the traveler who have come from such a long way to find the oasis, only to be greeted by a fata morgana of a parched desert; the heroine who have fought for so long for justice to rise from the ashes, only to be overthrown by the evil force and left in the world where the evil regime conquers above all.

It feels like once upon a time when Chanyeol and Baekhyun were standing on the same side, having each other’s backs and undoubted level of trust so high they were able to put their lives on each other’s hands, guns drawn as they shoot down the enemies life sent their way.

He wonders why Baekhyun have to go—leaving him alone with no one to cover and shield him as the monsters keep on shooting down on him, and extinguishing the flame of their hearts? Baekhyun is his prince and today they would have been kings, they could have lived in the castle of their newly bought home and worn their rings…

One question presents itself in front of Chanyeol’s eyes: is it better to have had and lost something, than not having at all?

Chanyeol shakes his head. The question disappears, but only for it to stay lurking at the back of his mind. He tries again. The love is still there, it must be.

Baekhyun, who’s so, so fearless, who has always been his number one guardian angel, once risked his life carrying both of their 50L backpacks and assisted Chanyeol to walk while looking for a park ranger to get him first aid, when Chanyeol suddenly had a bad stomach flu episode midway their hike to reach the 1950 meters high Dongneung Peak at Hallasan National Park, on their Jeju Island trip.

Right now as he sprawls with no care at how heavily drenched he is on the bathroom floor, he can feel he’s already in the brink of passing out. But this time, instead of immediately losing his consciousness like his last blackout episode, his mind prevents him from doing so. The only thought in his head that holds him from fainting is how he needs to stay awake and sober to find Baekhyun. He needs to bring Baekhyun back.

As the song fades out, the spinning vinyl slows down, and the gramophone’s lights turn off, Chanyeol hopes the love is still there, it has to be.

_I can’t see me lovin’ nobody but you for all my life  
When you’re with me, baby, the skies will be blue for all my life_

Chanyeol doesn’t keep the scores anymore, but Baekhyun wins.

Whatever kind of win that is.

***


	5. Chapter 5

**May 13th, 2017  
Seoul, South Korea  
05.11 PM**

**D – 0**

Today marks exactly seven days since Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s supposed wedding day.

Chanyeol is stuck on a limbo. All he does these days is wandering around aimlessly, floating around places with no sense of purpose or direction. The flame in his heart has long gone out, along with Baekhyun’s disappearance. His broken heart is still wafting smoke after getting burned down to ashes, but he still wants to believe that whatever happened, it’s never Baekhyun’s fault. He even tries to blame himself; he must have missed some crucial hints that led into the disastrous cancelled wedding.

But he can’t help it, on one side his mind keeps on replaying scenes of Baekhyun acting sus, and how he dismissed all of it when normal people would have recognized the warning of it being a sign of something really wrong happening right in front of his eyes. So right now his mind only keeps on guessing which one is the right scenario: is Baekhyun hiding something from him, in need of a time-out, or leaving him just because he simply grew out of love?

On the other side, in the heap of the broken parts of his heart, still he stubbornly keeps his love—he will keep the pact he made to himself—for Baekhyun. No matter how hard the demons are clinging on his heartstrings to just hate Baekhyun, he will always trust Baekhyun, will always have faith in all Baekhyun does because he knew there must be _something_ behind all of these events. He has been with Baekhyun for ten years to know Baekhyun inside out like the traces of veins on his own hands and he will keep holding on, tightening his grip on the only string of faith he has, even though he fully well knows his hands will only continue to bleed because of it.

He just has to do it. Because with Baekhyun, his aims are never untrue. But now with Baekhyun missing, he doesn’t know where to aim anymore, no matter how many arrows he tries to shoot, he never hit the mark. Sometimes he would just walk somewhere, and midway he would stop and realize that he doesn’t know why he’s walking or what is his initial purpose to go there. But even if his aims seem to turn into shadows, even if right now Baekhyun is not with him, he’ll try to find his Baekhyun again—he’ll make sure they will never going to part again.

Despite of the unsettling feeling of him missing a thousand marks already, he won’t let it take control and break his heart that he’s trying to mend again for the hundredth time today. Because even though it hurts, his heart is the only weapon he has.

Being used to have Baekhyun anywhere within his reach, there would be times when Chanyeol would look back behind him, just to check on Baekhyun or to ask the small man about something. And usually he would always find Baekhyun somewhere chuckling and sneaking behind him while trying to find the right time to flick his ears or just disturb him with his laughter. But these days, there is Baekhyun no more.

Until this day, he still doesn’t know where on earth Baekhyun is. He even tries so far as to call Baekhyun’s family members and checking every social media platforms again for numerous of times, but to no avail. Minseok is also not helping, after a failed attempt to corner him at his office today, he found out from his secretary that Minseok _has just left overseas for a very important business and will be away for an unspecified time until further notice_.

He swears that all he asks is an answer. It doesn’t need to be in the form of ten hundred pages of essay—God knows how he’s willing to do anything, even letting Baekhyun do whatever he wants, just to make him happy—he just wants to know what the hell is happening, where on earth is Baekhyun and what he did wrong.

It’s been a hard five months since the last time he remember him and Baekhyun are actually happy, and it seems like now they’re going anywhere but forward. When he proposed to Baekhyun—no, even earlier than that—when he knew Baekhyun was the one, even though he knows he’s far from a perfect man, he has promised all of his lifetimes and all that he has just to make Baekhyun happy. And now at times of uphill battle like this, is the moment when he’s reminded the most of his promise. So, without question he will try. After all that they’ve been through, he’ll try making it up to Baekhyun, try making it right. He’ll just think of the view when he reaches the top of the hill—when he has Baekhyun back with him, being happy again.

Sometimes, his tears come out when he just feels it’s not fair for whatever this situation is to happen to them. Can’t he just go back and lay with Baekhyun again, side by side on their bed, even if it's just for one more night? Not that he’d ever let go of his hold on Baekhyun’s body if he ever had the chance to lay by Baekhyun’s side again, anyway—screw those stupid love quotes, he’ll keep Baekhyun with him as long as he can.

But he’ll wait. He knows Baekhyun will come back to him, sooner or later.

Not that he takes advices from a brilliant psychiatrist who is also a violent psychopath, but just as Dr. Hannibal Lecter said in the 1991 drama crime film _The Silence of the Lambs_ : All good things to those who wait.

There are times when the right thing to do is wait and let things happen as they will, and times when he needs to step up and make things happen. The trick is to know when, and to do the right thing when it’s time for action. And he thinks it’s his turn to apply the method for his case—to wait and trust Baekhyun.

So right now, like most of his days after the cancelled wedding, Chanyeol is settling in the studio, the only place he can stay longer than an hour without being reminded of Baekhyun much, even though he still can feel the pain of Baekhyun’s absence prickling his mind. The place is now always too silent for his liking. These days his coordinates and crews don’t disturb him much—they will stop by at his studio room only if they really need his help on a project, as if they understand what he’s going through right now and they’re giving him some time and space alone.

With all of his time spent in waiting for any news for Baekhyun, for him, being alone is better—this way he doesn’t really have to hide the severe episodes of his headaches and he can skip meals whenever his nausea starts to attack his senses. At times his heart keeps on hoping for a thoroughly worried and concerned Baekhyun to scold him while wrapping him into a thick bundle of blanket, spooning him bowls of hot chicken soup that the small man tried to cook with his recipe, hugging him close to read him stories and help him sleep at the same time, safe and sound at their home.

But no. He’s at the studio, alone.

Chanyeol doesn’t even bother to turn on the lights in the studio, leaving him always in the dark with only the computer screen as his only illumination. Usually at times, he would ask Baekhyun to sing along with his guitar strums, recording songs Chanyeol wrote without knowing he was singing the lyrics written for him. He would then secretly compile all of their collaborations in old-fashioned cassettes for his archives. Now with him unable to contact or meet Baekhyun, he can only play and rewind the cassettes on his tape to hear Baekhyun's rarely heard silvery singing voice. It’s just that when he listens to it, he’s more reminded of how he wants that voice to say _I do_ for him, how he just can’t stop loving Baekhyun since if he stops, just what else will he do in his life?

He’s so done with the vapid, repetitious everyday routines. Work hasn’t been easy for him these days, his brain just can’t concentrate on anything for longer than ten seconds. He has been developing dark circles and under-eye bags for he can never sleep without waking up at every two hours or so, experiencing that horrifying feeling of falling into nothingness before he wakes up. Everyday there are always echoes of Baekhyun’s voice on his mind, he even swore for countless of times he saw a fleeting view of Baekhyun in the corner of his eyes, but every time he turned around to get a better look… there’s no one.

Sadly… today is no exception. So he decides to call it a day and get home early. And maybe, if his mind allows, he can have a well-deserved rest.

Chanyeol stops the movement of his hands on the keyboard, letting the last note he pressed to reverberate loudly in the lone studio room. He was playing Erik Satie’s 1888 _Première Gymnopédie_ , which he and Baekhyun had bickered over the writing of the composition’s title, on which way the French _aigu_ or _grave_ accents goes in _Première_ and in _Gymnopédie_ —they did a bet on who was right as Baekhyun Googled it on his phone, and Chanyeol of course, lost. What Baekhyun didn’t know was that he caved in just so he could see Baekhyun smile and laughing triumphantly. Now, the composition's piquant, melancholic melodies played in _douloureux, triste, grave_ or painfully, sadly and gravely makes him almost tearing up.

Still fresh and clear in his mind when he and Baekhyun played and sang Erik Satie’s _Je te veux_ on his grand piano, at their living room, laughing and kissing each other happily. But now… all he has are classical compositions that speak his lament with no Baekhyun beside him.

Chanyeol just… misses Baekhyun so much.

He said he wants to go home, but where is home exactly?

It’s supposed to be the new house he bought for Baekhyun and him. It’s supposed to be his and Baekhyun’s apartment. Even if the last trickle of essence required for the aforementioned places—the presence of Baekhyun—to be called a home is already dripping away… home it is. After he drove himself home, slammed his car door out of sheer annoyance, walked hurried steps to reach his and Baekhyun’s apartment—it’s a bit ridiculous that half of the occupier of the apartment isn’t even living there for weeks now—and another episode of fumbling for keys that always fell down every time he needs it, Chanyeol finally reaches the bedroom.

The apartment doesn’t get away from lights off policy, he also never bothered to turn on the lights. Too lazy to walk across the room or too sad when the bright lamps don’t reveal to him Baekhyun back in their apartment, he’s not sure. The full body mirror and the mirrors of the wardrobe doors have long been covered with white sheets, because the reflective surfaces often gives him misleading images of Baekhyun coming back home to him…

Chanyeol throws himself down on his side of the bed. The funny thing is, despite the disarray condition of the rest of the room, Baekhyun’s side of the bed stays tidy, intact and untouched. He keeps it that way, just so Baekhyun’s lemony smell will always linger there for him to sniff or to pretend Baekhyun is sleeping next to him when he just really misses Baekhyun at night.

At first it’s quite tricky to get some sleep, but the steady, metronome-like ticking of the wall clock in the dim and quiet bedroom manages to lull him into a slumber. Everything goes dark slowly, and weirdly this time he can consciously feel himself descending into the state of unconsciousness. The feeling reminds him of how Alice falls into the rabbit hole to reach the Wonderland. He senses his body floating, flying in a spiraling movement in the darkness, and gradually getting deeper and deeper…

And somehow, suddenly the motion stops.

As he slowly opens his eyes… He finds himself drowning in the cold, deep blue sea!

Chanyeol trashes against the strong water current, the chill of the water stinging his skin, how can he land into this place? He was sleeping in his bed, where is he now? He can’t breathe, the air supply in his lung thinning. Every attempt to swim along with the waves is useless and unsuccessful, he doesn’t even know which way is the surface.

He can hear his heart beating loudly against his chest, scared for his life. He tries to look around, to find any kind of help, but as far as his eyes can see, there is only the incalculable expanse of dark blue water. Opening his eyes too long under the salty water of the sea finally took its toll on his eyes, he can feel it burning and the intense ache makes him unable to see. Panicking and shocked, he accidentally swallows an enormous gulp of salty sea water—is he going to die now—

Then he sees him. Baekhyun.

Chanyeol can’t believe his eyes, what is Baekhyun doing here?

Still asking himself, he watches as Baekhyun comes to him, swimming so gracefully, gliding in a perfect poise, as if he’s dancing with the sea. Chanyeol doesn’t understand what is happening, but as Baekhyun swims closer to him, he finds himself relaxing, the temperature of the water rising into a warmer flow, he doesn’t even realize that he starts breathing fine underwater, his eyes no longer hurt, and that he can stay afloat without having to swim.

Chanyeol can feel the pace of his heartbeat slowing down in time with the calming waves, and he notices Baekhyun is wearing the same outfit that he wore on the day of last year's first snow when they went out to the city park—Baekhyun’s snug white t-shirt is tucked into his light blue loose jeans, topped with his sunny yellow Chesterfield coat. But the clothing doesn’t seem to weigh him down, in fact it ebbs and flows alongside his movement that makes him look just like the wind carries him flying instead of swimming, giving him an impression of light gracefulness and elegance with his dark chocolate hair swishing gently following the current of the sea.

When Baekhyun is finally only a half meter apart from him, he takes Chanyeol’s hands to guide him to the surface as he signs an OK with his fingers and smiles at him warmly.

Chanyeol is perplexed, he was so sure there wasn't any kind of surface a few minutes ago. But strangely after Baekhyun appeared, he’s now able to see the cloudless clear sky through the crystal clear sea water, the sunlight that manages to pass through the water shines on Baekhyun’s smiling face, the ripples of water creating shadow patterns on his body. As his head is contacting with the sea surface, he closes his eyes and quickly pushes his head out from the water.

When he feels the air against his cold face he gasps for breath, his lungs can finally get the much needed oxygen. As he tries to balance his body to stay afloat, he slowly opens his eyes. The first thing he notices is that Baekhyun’s hands are no longer holding his, and that he’s staring directly at the blazing sun that almost blinds his vision, forcing him to cover his eyes with his right hand, and when he removes his hand to look for Baekhyun, he sees—

 

 

It was a good day in the spring.

Chanyeol never thought his first year of university would be quite alright. Despite the amount of homework, projects and exams were piling up like heavy snow on tips of Mount Everest, it was all fine. He was a hardworking student with a very strong determination to finish his studies earlier than everyone, and his goal was to be on top of the class.

He was sitting on the dried grass, under his favorite camphor tree in the campus ground’s park near his dorm, with his bag, guitar and books scattered around him. He loved that particular tree because it was the biggest one in the park and the place was so serene and tranquil. He might go to the library, but that place didn’t have what the place he was currently at had. The evergreen and broad-leaved tree’s shade that protected him from the sun, the soft breeze that sometimes wafted between his hair, the dim orange light casted by the afternoon sun and the faint sound of people chattering here and there—it was definitely his safe haven.

Sighing contentedly, he then leaned his head onto the tree, the bark never too hard for his head to rest. He could've fall asleep right then right there, but then he realized he still had an important assignment from an especially hard-to-please and vicious Music Composition professor. The assignment required him to hand the assignment in _one_ day from now but his brain was currently blocked from any kind of ideas and he was desperate for anything to write.

Chanyeol was just contemplating his misfortune when he saw someone walking, from the right side of his peripheral vision. He usually didn’t care about stuff happening around him, but somehow this time he felt the need to look up, like an invisible magnet pulling him in to witness a beautiful sight to behold, something he couldn’t miss.

And that someone turned out to be a man.

The man wasn’t too tall but also not too short—he was wearing a plain white t-shirt that was tucked into his blue jeans, which had artistically ripped parts on the knees, a perfect fit of faux shearling lined denim jacket that complimented his lean torso, complete with a pair of simple washed-out black converse shoes adorning his feet. His face and skin were smooth and fair, his cheeks gleaming under the sunlight to resemble freshly-baked golden brown buns, the cute bump of his pointed nose that everyone must’ve wanted to bop, reflecting the soft yellow sunlight, hair in a nice shade of burnt sienna leaves color that reminded Chanyeol of autumn days, styled carelessly and sometimes got ruffled by the passing wind.

Just like when someone inserted a dime into a 1980 retro Wurlitzer jukebox, Chanyeol's mind automatically played a record that fitted perfectly with this man: The Beatles' 1969 pop rock song, _Here Comes The Sun_.

_Here comes the sun, and I say, it's alright…_

The man walked in such pronounced strides like he was a British royal family member, but also elegantly like he was dancing the labyrinthine but graceful nonetheless Viennese waltz to Johann Strauss II’s 1866 classical composition, _An der schönen blauen Donau_ Op. 314 or _The Blue Danube_. It was an alluring view, so Chanyeol followed the route of where the man was going: he was walking to a group of people chatting in front of Chanyeol, not too far for him to carefully inspect the man more.

And then Chanyeol froze. He saw something so breathtaking—it seemed like someone in that group of people told a very funny joke that caused the man he had been eyeing for the past five minutes to laugh so hard.

He could feel his mind capturing the man’s laugh movement frame by frame in slow motion, the man's face turned from neutral to contort slightly, then both corners of his mouth slowly turned up to form an adorable small smile, his glistening cheeks slowly bulging, next his pearly white teeth showing, then his eyes crinkling softly to form crescent shapes, the light he radiated resembling the moon. The best part was how the man’s laugh sounded unlike others—it made Chanyeol’s heart flutter in a way he never felt and made his mind empty like there’s nothing else mattered in the world but that man.

_Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter  
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here_

And Chanyeol knew at that moment he got the ultimate epiphany. Scribbling quickly, taking no care to his careless writing, he grasped the lines forming in his head and poured it all onto his notebook.

_look at the ~~sun~~ stars  
look how they shine for you  
and everything you do  
and they were all yellow_

_i came along  
i wrote a song for you  
and all the things you do  
and it was called yellow_

_your skin and bones  
turned into something beautiful  
you don’t know  
you know i ~~like~~ love you so_

Chanyeol stopped writing to inspect what he could recognize to be an A+ from his professor. He knew these were one of the best lines he ever written. He then looked up, incidentally at the same time as the man who turned his head towards his direction. He was so quick to lower his gaze again, heart thumping audibly. Did he just get caught?

After a few agonizing minutes Chanyeol dared himself to look up again. The man walked away from his group of friends and started walking into the direction of the dorm at the opposite of his dorm. He sighed, the beautiful man of his inspiration was gone now. So he decided to look on his assignment again and focused his mind in getting it done perfectly, albeit with a strange but strong resolution in his heart to comb every place at the campus buildings and dorms perimeter to find the man, even if it was just for a glimpse…

What Chanyeol didn’t know, while he was busy scratching new ideas on his assignment, trying hard to permanently draw the man's face in his mind and testing the new tunes on his guitar, was that the very same man that had been his inspiration for his assignment was walking back towards him.

“Hey.”

Chanyeol was just thinking how crazy it was now that he started to be able to imagine that man's honey-like voice in crystal clear quality. But when he looked at the source of the sound, he saw the man was actually there behind him—

The sight of the man shocked Chanyeol, and their closeness made him jump up high from his sitting position, almost bumping his head so hard onto the tree's trunk, before falling back flat on his bum. He then looked up again to behind his back and—his breath hitched.

The man apparently made a detour—he was crouching behind Chanyeol’s shoulder, his face in the same level as Chanyeol’s. The man was looking at him with a slightly curious and interested look, the skin of his face looking even smoother in close-up, with baby pink color adorning his lips, cheeks blossoming rosy red, and Chanyeol swore the irises of the man’s eyes had the same shade as the color of the earth kissed by the spring rain to stir life where vibrant flowers bloom…

Chanyeol felt like he was in a trance, falling into the deep stupefaction of champagne wine, bubbling with expensive taste and dazing richness of the man’s eyes, attracted by the man’s gaze of permanent wonder and honest curiosity.

It was as if he was an explorer who wandered around the world and the universe for centuries, looking for something spectacular, even searching through the Egyptian pyramids and the city of Babylon too, and then at last had found that the most beautiful treasure lies in the swirl of chocolate of the man’s eyes. He won’t turn his eyes from the man’s face, ever…

_Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces  
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here_

The man straightened himself and tilted his head sideways, like a confused puppy looking at its owner. Then he suddenly smiled, as if knowing everything he did made Chanyeol’s heart beat faster.

The sudden movement woke Chanyeol up from his trance. He scrambled to stand up from the ground to face the man properly, brushing the dried leaves sticking to his jeans. He tried to say something, really, but somehow no words were able to escape his mouth, and instead he just mouthed nonsense. So this was what it felt like to experience the true definition of love struck…

The man chuckled, probably from seeing Chanyeol with his goofy face on and mouth slightly agape, as a playful grin started to rise on his face.

Chanyeol tried to control his face by looking down on his suddenly sweaty hands, fiddling with his thumbs. He hoped he looked okay in his oversized black shirt that clung to his body from the sweat collected from the hot weather, a pair of plain blue jeans and a reversed strapback to hide his messy electric Venetian red hair.

“I know you’ve been looking at me. Numerous of times.” The man stated as if it was no big deal, with his grin turning into a satisfied half smirk.

Chanyeol turned his head up to see the man again so fast he almost snapped his neck. He just got caught red handed and his behavior was confirming the man's suspicions… great. He prayed to God to save him from further embarrassment, he didn’t want to ruin his chance with this gorgeous man.

But wait… If the man knew he had been looking at him a lot, did that mean the man was keeping watch over him too? He blushed at the thought, looking down at his sneakers to hide his happy grin.

The man took the sign of Chanyeol unable to reply as a signal to continue. The man then leaned closer to Chanyeol, slightly tiptoeing, until their bodies were almost touching. “So… what are you doing? Writing songs?”

Chanyeol couldn’t believe his ears, did the man just use a teasing tone on him? The close proximity of the man’s flawless face on his, the way he could feel the man’s body heat waving off on him, and how the wind brought fresh lemon scent to invade his senses didn’t really help with his stuttering. But at the end he finally was able to let out a few mumbles. “Oh, um. Er, uh, yeah…”

The man was too fast to reply, as if Chanyeol will shut himself again if he didn’t. “Oh great! Can I see it?” The man’s eyes were like a hawk eyeing his prey, his smile full of mischief, and his every gesture seemed to be so full of purpose, confidence flowing, as if he had planned exactly what to do.

Chanyeol didn’t have any time to reply aside from an almost indistinguishable nod, but even just with that, the man already snatched his notebook from his hands. He didn’t even know how did his hands with its usually strong grip from guitar steaming session let his notebook go that easily, but then maybe it was that man’s powerful impact on him.

The man inspected Chanyeol’s writings slowly. “Wow. These are some good stuff you have here, I wonder what’s the idea behind this…” the man then pulled an adorable thinking look on his face; brows knitted, eyes rolled upwards, mouth slightly open and tongue sticking out just a bit to add more cuteness.

“Oh my god. Or maybe the true question is _who_ is the muse!” The man continued to ramble, this time with a teasing look on his face. “Come on, spill!”

Now Chanyeol couldn’t believe his hearing and vision. This man could really read minds or maybe he was a psychic because he guessed correctly about three questions he asked himself. All of that the man did with a cute face Chanyeol definitely wanted to see everyday, another thing to add to the already very long list of why he really liked this man.

“Uh, not sure really…” Chanyeol said, hoping his eyes that flitted into the man’s face every a few seconds or so or his reddened face didn’t give away the fact that the man’s bright smile and glazed cheeks under the dusty yellow light casted by the blazing sun were his sole inspiration.

“Come on! I’m sure the plain layout of our dorms or the dried, dirty yellow grass patches isn’t the one, and the ink—” the man sniffed Chanyeol’s notebook, confirming Chanyeol’s theory that this man was probably a puppy in his previous life. “The ink is new! So it must be about someone.” The man wriggled his eyebrows, smiling triumphantly, before going back to read more of Chanyeol’s notebook.

Chanyeol could only stutter more; his eyes still couldn’t leave the man's beautiful face, saving every feature of it in his brain archives, especially the mole just right above the right side of the man's lips. From their standing state, he could calculate that the man was approximately ten centimeters shorter than him, but he somehow felt so small compared to him. “Um, uh, maybe…”

Then Chanyeol and the man both looked up at the same time, Chanyeol's eyes moved from the man's lips and the man's from Chanyeol’s notebook, their faces inches away.

Chanyeol’s eyes met the man’s, and suddenly it felt like there was a zap of lightning stopping the ticking time, a strong magnetic current pulling them in and Chanyeol immersed into the man’s dark mahogany eyes and its earthen depths which seemed to hold so many mysteries that were waiting to be explored, hypnotized. The man stared back into the dead center of Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon orbs, as if he plunged straight into Chanyeol’s soul, and even though the man wasn’t smiling, Chanyeol saw it in those eyes. They continued to stay frozen like that, oblivious of anything happening around them.

Chanyeol thought this was happening only in those flimsy, poorly made romantic movies that he didn’t believe in much, but today he could swear it was real. This man—he made everything that was impossible to exist, real. Someone could’ve tell him that this man possessed the Midas touch that turned whatever he touched into gold and he would believe it right away…

_Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting,  
Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been clear_

“Byun! Let’s go!” Suddenly one of the people who talked with the man yelled at him, gesturing him to come with them. The eye contact between Chanyeol and the man was broken, the magical enchantment casted between them was gone, both the man and Chanyeol shook their heads, as if coming out of a daze.

Chanyeol frantically tried to remember the name—or the surname?—of the man. _Byun_. Byun… What a pretty name… He was definitely not biased by the beautiful man that managed to steal his heartbeat for the first time ever in his life and was currently number one in his list of favorite people…

“Coming!” The man yelled back at that person, after shaking his head again like a puppy trying to cast away droplets of water from their fur. Then after fixing the sling of his backpack on his right shoulder, he walked backward to his friends, still facing Chanyeol. With cheeks as red as carmine roses and a shy smile so bright, the man said to Chanyeol, “Okay music man, gotta go!”

“Wait!” Chanyeol shouted as he cursed his hazy mind that chose to dream about the man instead of acting fast and take his chance to get any kind of information of the man. Frantically trying to do something, he spluttered, “Wait—I haven’t—”

While jogging to catch up with his friends, the man turned back his head to face Chanyeol for a few seconds and shouted back, “Look at your notebook!” Then there was another mischievous, playful grin thrown at Chanyeol, and he disappeared behind the campus’ double doors.

Chanyeol was quick to scramble back to his spot under the tree and grabbed the notebook lying abandoned on its feet. He then riffled the pages hurriedly, opened the page where he wrote his assignment and—

There it was, a souvenir left by the mesmerizing stranger:

_Byun Baekhyun  
+82-9204-056  
See ya!_

Chanyeol immediately whooped in victory, laughing while jumping up and down, without forgetting to ball his hand into a fist and thrusting it up high in the air repeatedly—someone could mistake him for a nationwide lottery winner. He didn’t care about people looking at him weirdly, he only needed to know he indeed just won the world's biggest lottery. He didn’t care if his professor gave him his first F- for his Song Composition class, he only needed to know he just scored an all kill A+ in the form of the ever-glowing _Byun Baekhyun_.

 _Sun,  
Sun,  
Sun,  
here_ he _comes…_

Then someone opened the campus’ glass double doors again that changed the projection of the reflected ray of the blazing sun right into Chanyeol’s eyes, forcing him to close his eyes—

 

 

And when he opens his eyes, everything fades; the building, the people and the trees are gone. They turn into something smoke-like and swirling fast, looking like ink droplets of memories dissolving into the fathomless, wise ocean of time.

Then the swirling suddenly stops, the smoke clearing up as if a vacuum cleaner sucked it all out, leaving him in a world of white. Around him, he found no edge; up above, left, right, front or behind there's just emptiness of white and the only thing he can touch is the floor he's standing on. From his brief observation, it seems like he’s trapped inside a white symmetrical box-like room with no roof, walls, doors, or windows.

As Chanyeol is about to lift his right foot to take a step forward, he strangely can sense something as if there’s someone waiting behind him that stops him from walking. Ever so slowly, he turns his body around to find—

Baekhyun. The person he has been looking for days.

His Baekhyun is standing right there in front of him, just a few meters apart. Baekhyun is wearing Chanyeol’s loose grey Supreme hoodie—the one he notices went missing the day Baekhyun left their apartment—a pair of his favorite light blue jeans with its hem rolled unevenly, a pair of his worn-out black Chuck Taylor All-Star sneakers, and most importantly his dark chocolate hair is once again a little bit messy, like he just woke up from a nap at noon or someone just ruffled it moments ago.

Wait—Baekhyun just saved Chanyeol from drowning in the bottomless sea just a few… minutes? Hours? Days ago? His mind wasn’t able to produce or articulate a thought back at the cold ocean. Come to think more of it, maybe Baekhyun knows where they are and what is happening to them right now, he should ask him about it—even though there are so many other things he wants to ask and wants to say to make him stay, since this is the first time he sees him properly after the walkout scene weeks ago, and he truly misses him. Although Baekhyun is currently not by his side, he knows it's only a matter of time before Baekhyun is back on his arms again. So for now, he tries the only sensible thing he can think of:

“Hyunnie?” Chanyeol calls after a minute of a sudden staring contest between the two of them. He’s a bit surprised when he hears his own voice. He sounds so hoarse, but then he realizes it’s probably the effect from the countless hours of him crying himself to sleep thinking of Baekhyun, wondering where he is.

Baekhyun, who’s standing in front of Chanyeol, doesn’t reply or say anything. Instead he pulls out his upturned right hand, reaching to Chanyeol’s direction. He then smiles at Chanyeol, nodding to his extended hand, as if offering his palm for the tall man to take.

Chanyeol eyes Baekhyun’s hand and then to his eyes. Back to Baekhyun’s hand and then back again to his eyes. The slight beckoning gesture, the million secrets smile, and the inviting look on Baekhyun’s eyes screams like he wants Chanyeol to go with him somewhere. Is he supposed to take the hand?

“D-Do you want me to hold your hand?” Chanyeol asks, a bit uncertain and scared of this silent version of Baekhyun, because the real Baekhyun he knows are always loud and talkative with him. But secretly he wants to take Baekhyun’s hand and bring Baekhyun back home with him…

Baekhyun just shrugs, shakes his hand and motions Chanyeol to take his hand again, as if trying to gain Chanyeol's attention at it. He looks amused, his cryptic smile never leaving his lips, dreamy eyes blinking at Chanyeol relentlessly.

So Chanyeol decides to just take Baekhyun’s hand. But he’s just about to grasp Baekhyun’s hand, with his index finger only barely grazing over Baekhyun’s palm when suddenly there’s a blast of blinding white, he can feel himself being sucked into a tiny, narrow pipe and—

 

 

It was a warm autumn Friday night.

The night was the twenty first of September, with the last drop of warmth the last day of summer had was still lingering in the first day of autumn.

Chanyeol was excited, and very much nervous.

Muted shouts of cheers, screams of excitement and laughter could be heard from places, it seemed as if everyone was out to celebrate the last day of the mid-term exams. It was already one year since Chanyeol finally had the courage to call Baekhyun, which he did as soon as he got his hands on his phone. He had been so nervous, but after hearing Baekhyun’s bubbly laughter answering his call with a _hi there, Music Man_ , like he knew Chanyeol would call right away, all the nervousness went down the drain.

They were certainly made for each other, clicked right at the first time they discussed their likings. Since it seemed like time slowed down every time they talked, they had managed to dig deeper about each other for hours and found the same interest in music, even though Baekhyun took visual information design as his major. It didn’t take long for them to be closer than best friends, always there for one another, until people were used to the view of them together ninety five percent of the time and would ask for the other if one was alone.

Being best friends that were almost inseparable, one of their favorite things to do was spending time doing whatever they felt like to do at the dorm's rooftop.

And that night was no exception.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun were both lying side by side on the floor of Chanyeol’s dorm rooftop, facing the view overlooking the campus and the dorms complex. They were comfortably lying around courtesy of Chanyeol who brought his blanket, which was also Baekhyun’s favorite one. There weren’t many lamps there save for one above the door that led to a staircase down the building, but the full moon above them and the stars dotted sky as their ceilings were bright enough, serving as provisional illumination that casted light upon them. The silence that accompanied them felt nice after a long and tiring day at the campus.

Little did Baekhyun know, that night was also the time where Chanyeol wanted to confess his feelings to him. He admitted he was so jealous and was always having ugly feelings whenever he caught people, boys and girls alike, checking Baekhyun out when the small man wasn't looking, sending boxes of chocolate or a flower with a letter hidden at his locker. At first he thought it was just an overprotective best friend thing, but he learned it was more. After lots of thinking he had arrived at the conclusion of how it all started right from day one, it was finally finding someone who was substantial to his life, someone who was his source of physical comfort, mental support and ease of mind, someone worthwhile all of his time and thoughts.

It was also the way Baekhyun always lingered on his mind in ungodly hours and even at his dreams; the way his favorite spot under the tree had gained one other permanent occupant, accompanying him to lay against the bark, just like in his heart had dwelled a particular Baekhyun with his sunny smiles; the way he felt absolute happiness every time Baekhyun was happy—him reflecting Baekhyun's feelings just like they were his—and the need to protect and shield him from all kinds of harm forever.

It didn't take long that after waiting and searching over many sunrises and sunsets, the mist that once covered his eyes were lifted; he knew that he was in love with Baekhyun. He wanted Baekhyun, and he would settle for nothing less.

Chanyeol was scared though, what if Baekhyun only wanted to be friends? But he knew he wouldn’t know until he tried, fear wouldn’t get him anywhere, and for the ones he loved, he would dare to jump and seize the chance.

Then Chanyeol looked over at the lying Baekhyun beside him. Baekhyun had his eyes closed, both hands tucked behind his head, humming softly to a song he didn’t remember the title, but familiar with. He knew the word ethereal and perfect were overused, but those were what Baekhyun looked like, among the shabbiness of the world.

Preparing himself for the big reveal, Chanyeol sat up and brought out a medium sized box from his side, the one he secretly hid behind a piece of black cloth. The size was similar to a shoebox's, so it wasn't hard to hide and easy to overlook in a glance. He also prepared lots of things for the hopefully an eventful night in his backpack and another hidden box.

“Hyunnie. I have something for you, I hope you’ll like it.” Chanyeol said brightly, shoving the box in front of Baekhyun’s face. He did that on purpose just so Baekhyun wouldn’t see his cheeks turned amaranthine red.

Slowly Baekhyun rose up to sit as well while eyeing the object curiously. But nevertheless he received the box from Chanyeol’s hands, inspecting the weight. “Wow, a surprise? What this could be?” He said animatedly. “It’s pretty heavy…” He then shook the box quite violently, trying to guess from the sound it created.

“Wait—stop! Don’t shake the box too hard or else it’ll ruin the thing inside,” Chanyeol chuckled, seeing how childish Baekhyun could be. He then took the box from Baekhyun’s hands and placed it lightly on Baekhyun’s lap. “Now you can open it.”

With inquisitive look on his face, Baekhyun slowly raised the box's lid. “What's this—” he then gasped loudly at the sight of a simple one-tier cake, his eyes brightened from the surprise. “Oh my god, a cake! Let me taste this—” he dipped his index finger on the cake's creamed surface before he licked it. “Oh, strawberry cheesecake? Yeol, you know me so well, this is my favorite! Where did you buy it?”

Chanyeol felt like he was in the final battle of MasterChef, waiting for Gordon Ramsay to rate his dish. He abashedly replied, “Well um, I saw you sneaking a piece of that cake to the library and… I made it myself, I have been practicing myself to bake it for a few times now, I’m sorry if it’s not as good as the ones you like to eat.”

Baekhyun choked on his saliva while he tasted and swallowed the cake’s cream again, face surprised than ever. “You made this? It’s so delicious, Yeol! So creamy and just the perfect and balanced amount of sour and sweetness, thank you so much. I appreciate this a lot.” He beamed, smiling his best smile at Chanyeol, eyes reflecting the light the moon shined over them.

At the beautiful sight of Baekhyun being so delighted over the cake he baked for him, Chanyeol smiled back while his hands went to pat Baekhyun’s hair. He breathed in relief, Baekhyun’s review worth thousands of Michelin stars. “You’re welcome, Hyunnie.”

Baekhyun then got distracted again, busy with cutting two pieces of the cake for him and Chanyeol with the plastic knife Chanyeol taped inside the cake’s box.

“Now I know why you bought so many cake ingredients and—oh my god, that time! When your whole room got covered by flour and you wouldn’t tell me what happened! I knew it!” Baekhyun laughed loudly when he saw Chanyeol’s embarrassed smile.

Then Chanyeol pulled out some paper plates from his backpack, giving it to Baekhyun. "Just eat it, Hyunnie. No need to bring up that incident of when I accidentally blew up a sack of flour.” He chuckled, face redder than cooked oysters. He swore Baekhyun’s memory was always better on remembering embarrassing things about him instead of his graphic interface design lecture materials.

To that Baekhyun laughed some more, this time while putting the paper plates with slices of cake in front of them before digging in again, making satisfied face and exaggerated moans while he was eating his cake, while commenting of how delectable and tasty Chanyeol's cake was with his mouth full. Suddenly he stopped midway spooning himself a piece of cake and shot a suspicious look at Chanyeol. “But Yeol, it’s not my birthday, not yours too… And I’m certain we don’t have anything special to celebrate today.”

Chanyeol thought this was it, the reveal time. He slowly turned his body towards Baekhyun, tapping lightly on Baekhyun’s shoulder, silently asking for Baekhyun’s full attention.

At the taps on his shoulder, Baekhyun finally finished the last piece of his cake, dropped his empty paper plate, and waited silently for whatever Chanyeol had to say.

“In a few minutes, there will. Or I hope so.” Chanyeol replied in codes, earning a raised eyebrow from Baekhyun. He then took a hold of Baekhyun’s hands, before he stared at Baekhyun’s eyes.

It took a lot of courage to take Baekhyun’s hands, even though Chanyeol already held Baekhyun’s hands lots of times before. Touching Baekhyun’s hands always made his heart thumping wildly, he could feel it underneath his skin. He admitted only Baekhyun that could make him feel that way, as if he was resurrected alive again after dying every day from his overwhelming feelings towards the small man. While grasping Baekhyun’s hands tightly, he swore he could feel something thumping alongside his own nervous and rapidly pulsing heart, as if Baekhyun was nervous too… well, for now he needed to focus on his mission first.

“Tonight, it’s very clear, isn’t it, the sky?” Chanyeol says, bracing himself to look straight at Baekhyun’s eyes. He could write hundreds of pages of scientific journals to explain how those eyes were so irresistible…

Baekhyun said nothing, only continued to stare at Chanyeol, his expression unreadable in a way Chanyeol couldn’t guess. 

So, Chanyeol started to recite the monologue he had on his mind for days:

“I have so many things I want to say.” To that Chanyeol received a slow nod from Baekhyun, and a specific expression that looked like he was anticipating, waiting for Chanyeol’s next words.

“For one year, I have enough time to know your inside and out, to know who you really are, to know what you really mean to me. The first time I see you… I felt like I entered upon a world where there are miracles at work. Since then we have named every star, shared every bruises and showed every scars we have. And I know for sure I wouldn’t change a thing. With you, time slows down and seems to say _forget the world and its weight,_ because every moment spent with you is so precious. Wherever you are, that’s the place I just want to stay.” Chanyeol said, mustering all of his courage to not fall back down under Baekhyun’s intense gaze.

Baekhyun was still silent, his gaze turned into a questioning look. In Chanyeol’s judgement, the expression Baekhyun was sporting was just him mildly inquiring and not in a bad way, so he thought it was safe to continue his confession.

“My heart is yours, it’s you that I hold on to. I feel safe when I am with you, your hands holding mine, guiding me. I feel warm sparks burning inside my heart when I see your sunny, summery smiles. You’re the silver lining among the hazy clouds in the sky of my life. When I’m by your side, you open up my eyes, make me realize what I couldn’t see, make me see where I was going wrong,” Chanyeol said, eyes flitting between both of Baekhyun’s dark mahogany orbs. “For all of that, I promise you this—I will always look out for you, if you're lost and feel alone, just look back, I’ll be there for you. I’ll never let you down.

“I need to tell you something. It’s a something I’m not going to take back and I’m not going to say I don’t mean it. I’m not going to just sit and wait, not going to leave it unsaid until it’s much too late. On every place, every occasion I’m going to stand and proudly scream it for everyone to hear. This is to say that the sky could be blue or grey—I don’t mind—without you it’s a waste of time, without you I’m just lost miles away. I’m nothing on my own, and…” The thudding of Chanyeol’s heart was starting to roar louder than ever, almost deafening. This was it. “And I love you.”

“My love for you was born just like the appearance of space everywhere in the universe. The one tiny spark of event that started so long ago in my heart, creating a universe of you in me. But even without sophisticated space missions, ground-based telescopes, complicated calculations and scientists I finally realized under the giant, rotating cloud of gas and dust of nebula that I thought was just a best-friend kind of feeling… it’s love,” Chanyeol continued, eyes flitting between Baekhyun’s. “Since then, just like the way the universe is ever expanding, my love for you continues to grow. And I will be the stars obediently orbiting around the galaxies of you.”

Chanyeol hoped his words were enough, he wrote it day and night, even bringing it into his Song Composition class. His professor had caught him working on it when he was supposed to write an essay about the importance of rhymes in songs and poetry, but upon knowing who he was writing for, in his professor's words, _for someone you love_ , his professor gladly let him out from getting detention, even giving him tips and a pat of good luck on his back.

Baekhyun’s quizzical look turned into an understanding one, yet he still remained silent. Chanyeol couldn’t really guess where things were going and he was scared shitless everything was going to go downhill, but he already reached the three magical words stage and he saw how Baekhyun returned his stare just as sincere, so why not continue further?

“So… Byun Baekhyun, do you want to be my boyfriend?” Chanyeol asked, eyes full of hope. He even added his puppy look for extra effect. He did it—he reached the point of no return.

The stopwatch in Chanyeol's head starts ticking as he waited with bated breath.

Ten seconds…

His eyes stayed on Baekhyun’s, opened as wide as possible and unwilling to blink, afraid to miss a thing. Anything else than the silence currently casted upon them couldn’t make his heart beat louder than this.

Fifteen seconds…

But then—he saw how Baekhyun’s eyes were slowly lowering down and not meeting his, face almost expressionless and head dropping down. Inside his mind, he panicked, was Baekhyun going to say no…?

Twenty seconds…

He could feel himself deflating with every second that passed. Baekhyun didn’t love him back, didn’t he…? Chanyeol was about to erupt and spout apologies, and to tell Baekhyun he could just forget what he just told him when—

“Yeah. I guess so…” Baekhyun replied, voice just above a whisper. His dark mahogany eyes were back staring onto Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon eyes, piercing sharply as if trying to find the sincerity behind the irises, but somehow still soft as if trying to soothe his heart…

Chanyeol was happy for a second, for he did expect a yes and the fact that Baekhyun answered exactly twenty seconds after he finished his question. But somehow to him it looked like Baekhyun was doubtful about his answer from the tone of his voice…

Ever so slowly Chanyeol’s head started to fall. He was about to tell him it was okay if Baekhyun couldn’t return the feelings and there was no need to say yes out of pity, when suddenly Baekhyun’s grip on their linked hands grew tighter, startling him to look up. In Baekhyun’s face he saw a warm smile, along with a tender loving look, almost amused.

Then while he chuckled, with a strong hint of earnestness in his voice, Baekhyun added confidently, “Yes. I would very much like to be your boyfriend. I love you too, Yeol.”

Chanyeol turned up his head quickly, a look of surprise mixed with relief and joy shown on his face. He heard it all in Baekhyun’s words: the firmness and the sincerity. It was like he was back to the first time he saw Baekhyun, the first time he saw him with all of his charisma and confidence flowing, the first time he saw him laugh. He couldn’t believe he would see it again, this time as Baekhyun returned back his love and accepted to be his boyfriend. And now his eyes couldn’t stop saving Baekhyun’s laugh in his mind as he said how he loved him back…

Only after Chanyeol heard Baekhyun’s _I love you_ did he remember the title of the song Baekhyun hummed. It was the song from his playlist that Baekhyun took a liking to, The Platters’ 1956 soul rhythm song _One In A Million_. And it was also the song that started playing on the gramophone in his head.

_There is one in a million like you  
You’re a dream in a million come true_

Baekhyun’s chuckle turned into laughter. “Hello? Earth to Park Chanyeol?”

Then Baekhyun waved his hands in front of a spellbound and open-mouthed Chanyeol. Getting no response, he then hugged the gaping man in front of him, rubbing Chanyeol’s back to soothe him. “I love you, my own Cookie Monster. Is my acting convincing? I looked like I’m going to say no, didn’t I? That’s to get back for your gazillion pranks on me! You should have seen the look in your face while waiting for my answer, like Cookie Monster got his cookie canister taken away. And your bulging eyes when I said yes? Amusing.”

“I just—thank you so much, Hyunnie. I love you,” Chanyeol breathed out, laughing along as he wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s waist, returning the hug just as tight. Maybe next time he should reduce his pranks… just maybe. “But you’re the Cookie Monster, you love to steal all of my cookies. I can be Elmo.”

“You? Elmo?” Baekhyun said in a joking skeptical tone as he released his hug, laughing louder. “I love you, but aren’t you tall enough to be Big Bird?”

The tall, yellow colored bird reminded Chanyeol of the arsenal of bright yellow rubber duckies lined on Baekhyun’s table at his room. Still laughing both at Baekhyun’s teasing and the way Baekhyun started his sentence with an _I love you_ , he tried to get Baekhyun back. “I love you, but you can be Ernie. You love yellow rubber duckies as much as him, and you’re small.”

“I love you, but then you’re Bert. He’s taller than Ernie and his ears are like yours,” Baekhyun revenged, jutting out his tongue as his hands reached out to hold both of Chanyeol’s ears, pulling gently on them and making the taller man’s head to tilt sideways. Then he chuckled, “I love you and all, but are we really discussing Sesame Street characters now?”

_I confess that I really don’t know why  
But I know that I glow like I do with you_

“Okay, moving on,” Chanyeol replied, smiling. He still had more things to say. Then he took both of Baekhyun’s hands in his again. “You know, Hyunnie?”

“What is it, Bert?” Baekhyun chuckled, earning him a _Hey!_ from Chanyeol. “Okay, okay! Alright, what is it, my giant baby Yeol?”

The loving tone and the nickname Baekhyun used made Chanyeol grin. “You make every place and every second better.”

As his chuckle quietened down, Baekhyun flashed a knowing smile. “How come?”

“You know how people say libraries are heaven?” Chanyeol said, getting him a nod from Baekhyun as a sign to continue. “Do you know why?”

“Why?” Baekhyun’s smile got wider, playing along with Chanyeol’s scenario. Then he intertwined their fingers together, grasping Chanyeol’s gently.

“At first I thought libraries are boring. But then I realized it’s a heaven on earth. For some, it’s because of the abundance of books. For others, it might be for its tranquility amongst the rowdy crowds in the hallways and classes,” Chanyeol replied, somehow his grin got wider at the feel of Baekhyun’s hands gripping his tightly, giving him so much warmth. “But for me, it’s because of an angel I found residing in there.”

“And who is the angel, if I may ask?” Baekhyun teased, putting out a pout and a fake know-it-all look on his face. “I never see them.”

“You never see them because it’s you,” Chanyeol replied softly, smiling so bright it also shone from his eyes. All for _his_ Baekhyun. “My angel.”

“At first I visited the library more solely because I know I will see you more and more. Seeing your brows knitted while reading those thick books or your smiles when you finally found the answer,” Chanyeol continued as he drew patterns on the back of Baekhyun’s hands, earning him the small man’s smile. “But then—here’s my favorite—to see you so diligently studying, it motivated me to be better just like you, it made me visit the library not just to see you, but to study with you as well. You improved me in so many ways and that’s your greatest spell I’m so in love with.”

“Everywhere with you, my heart is content having you by my side, my mind put in rest knowing you’re safe and sound, my sight full of striking spectacles of you. How a simple look of your eyes into mine or a gentle touch of your hands on mine can make me forget about my bad days and wipe away my tears,” Chanyeol said again, grinning when he saw how Baekhyun’s smile grew wider at his touches and his words. “You are the definition of happiness refined. Just like what I said—for all of that I promise I’ll always be around you to protect you and to tell how much you’re worth more than anything else every day.”

_Yes, once in a million is par  
To find someone as rare as you are_

Throughout Chanyeol’s words, Baekhyun was blushing and grinning, happiness evident on his face. Then suddenly as if he got an inspiration from Chanyeol’s words, gently he placed his right hand on the side of Chanyeol’s jawline to cup on the tall man’s cheek, caressing it softly. “Same goes for you. Do you know that, Yeol?”

“I thought the library is my only sanctuary with books as my only friends. Then you came along and brought me to yours, your favorite spot under that big tree on our campus grounds,” Baekhyun chuckled, hand still giving gentle touches on Chanyeol’s face, creating smiles with his magic. “It’s just another tall camphor tree, but having you with me, under its leaves it turns into a place where I’m always in peace no matter how much I have in my mind. I’m assured that there’s always someone I can count on, who tells me I don’t have to be alone.”

“You showed me that wherever we go we can always find happiness,” Baekhyun continued, this time his chuckle turned into a soft smile. “And with the happiness you have in you that you shared with me… it makes me believe there are still other wonders of life in the world we’re living in outside the books I’ve read of faraway utopias.”

“I know I’ll be just fine with you. With you I’ll always find comfort and warmth that reminds me strongly of home. That was when I realize home isn’t a matter of place anymore. You’re my home.” Baekhyun said as in turn he drew circles on the bulb of Chanyeol’s cheek with his thumb, gently rubbing it.

Then with a smile so radiant, Baekhyun brushed Chanyeol’s fringe, removing the electric Venetian red strands of hair that covered Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon eyes. “You’re just as precious, and I’ll always be there next to you to remind you that every day.”

_When you hold my hand, I understand the magic that you do  
You’re my dream come true, my one and only you_

Chanyeol could only grin so wide as he watched in admiration as, once again, Baekhyun showed how pure his heart was, how his words powerful enough to uplift one’s heart. This was where Baekhyun’s ability to perceive people’s goodness looming through the mist of their minds shone. He thought, the way Baekhyun completed his life made them a lot more than just pieces of puzzle, but stacks of block that with their own strengths fused to build up something better and higher.

“Ooh!” Baekhyun exclaimed, chuckling a little as his face lit up with recognition. “Remember that one day, when it was summer we were so comfortable laying around under your tree to the point we fell asleep with our books on our faces—”

Chanyeol laughed, he remembered the day clearly. It was the day when Baekhyun somehow had snuggled himself under his arms and placed his head on his chest, for the first time ever. It was only curious how Baekhyun remembered that particular memory, as if he did it on purpose and knew what really happened that day. “And the rain came and I thought it was you spraying me with water just like the times when you were teasing me, so I didn’t wake up—”

“And I’m the only one who realized it was raining to wake you up and save our stuff from getting soaked,” Baekhyun added, while half scolding Chanyeol and half laughing along. Then he joked, “Thank God you have me with you.”

Chanyeol smiled. He knew Baekhyun said it more in a joking way, but to him it was the truth. “Yeah, thank God I always have you with me.”

Baekhyun’s laugh turned into a shy smile and more blushes on his cheeks. Then, as they talked silently with their eyes and smiles, Chanyeol’s hands went to grab Baekhyun’s hands and started to play with it, rubbing softly the palms and fingers. They stayed silent for a while, feeling comfortable without the need to talk out the nonexistent awkward atmosphere, just smiling at each other and trying to record every second of the moment with their eyes and the touches of their hands as much as they could.

“I was alone until I found you.” They both suddenly spoke in unison, their voices somehow harmonizing.

The effect of the words and the way their eyes met while they said it got them completely entranced by each other’s own magic. Chanyeol felt like they were back to the day they first met and how Baekhyun’s eyes had always managed to take his breath, steal his hearts and transport him into another world where there were miracles happening every day.

_But now you’re around  
I have really found  
That’s there’s one in a million like you_

But of course, they weren’t Chanyeol and Baekhyun if they didn’t continue bickering thirty seconds later.

Baekhyun was faster to start with his puppy pout and adorable imitation of a menacing look. “I love you, Yeol, but I said it first—”

“I love you too, Hyunnie, but no, I did!” Chanyeol laughed, seeing the fierce look on Baekhyun's face that made him look like a baby bear protecting his tub of honey more than a man with deep insight and wisdom that just appeared moments ago.

And of course, they weren’t Chanyeol and Baekhyun if they didn’t spend ten minutes to finish their bickering and ended up settling with each having fifty percent of the title as the one who said it first.

“Oh now I just remembered. I promised myself if you said yes to be my boyfriend, I will sing you a song.” Chanyeol announced proudly after they were done bickering, shaking their hands together in an excited manner.

“A surprise already? How considerably romantic of you, Yeol,” Baekhyun smiled fondly, as he stared alternatively between Chanyeol’s eyes and their linked hands. “You can really go from a romantic lover to a five years old baby then to a cool singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist in less than five minutes, aren’t you? Let’s listen to it then, I’m waiting to be blown away by you.”

Being a prankster himself, Chanyeol knew a lame joke as soon as he heard it, and he wouldn’t miss a chance to tease Baekhyun—wouldn’t miss a chance to hear Baekhyun’s laughter, more like. “Blown away? Are you referring to a blow job—”

“Park Chanyeol—” Baekhyun shouted as his hands strode in full force to hit and tickle Chanyeol skillfully, knowing Chanyeol’s every ticklish nook and cranny, and probably some playful slap on Chanyeol’s ass just for good measure. Even so, he couldn’t stop himself from laughing, face showing half amused and half shocked look. “How dare you to ruin a very good moment to cherish with your cheeky jokes I am now breaking up with you I swear—”

“So soon into the relationship, are we, Hyunnie?” Chanyeol managed to say, relentlessly teasing Baekhyun as he tried to swat Baekhyun's hands jabbing at his sides, his contagious laughter filling the rooftop.

_Only you can make all this change in me  
For it’s true, you are my destiny_

“You are the most—” Baekhyun breathed out loud, with his hands poking gently the sides of Chanyeol’s waist, “Insensitive wart—” this time his hands moved to Chanyeol’s nape, tickling furiously, with his laughter and Chanyeol’s mixing together, “I have ever had the misfortune to meet—” the small man finished with a surge of tickling attacks on every part of Chanyeol’s body he could reach.

“Wait, Hyunnie! Isn’t that what Hermione said to Ron at Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix?” Chanyeol asked between his laughs and his miserable attempts at shielding himself from Baekhyun’s stealthy hands darting to poke the ticklish spots on his body. “Have you been reading the series, even without me telling you to?”

“Uh, um…” Baekhyun’s face reddened, his hands that were midway pinching Chanyeol’s cheek stopped midair, as if Chanyeol had just uncovered his secret correctly.

It had happened a long time ago, but Chanyeol still remembered how he saw Baekhyun secretly borrowing—well, sneaking at night into his room, more like—-to take and read his Harry Potter books one by one right after Chanyeol told him about his Potterhead self and fondness to the series. He was a big Ron-Hermione supporter—not to mention he was so in love with the whole Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan romance as well—and to think more of it, he felt like his just-do-it and playful traits were just like Ron’s and Baekhyun’s intelligence and cool mind were more like Hermione’s; they even bicker just like the couple. It made him happy, it was like a vindication on how they were more destined to be together forever.

“Well?” Chanyeol continued, wiggling his eyebrows at the stunned Baekhyun, who looked too adorable like a kid trying to deny he was stealing a chocolate cake but at the same time with chocolate syrup smearing his cheeks and mouth hanging open.

Chanyeol’s reply came in the form of Baekhyun smiling more and continuing to squish his cheeks to hide his embarrassment.

“Ow! Ouch, that hurts! Okay, I surrender—” despite Chanyeol’s attempt to exclaim unconvincing grunts of pain to tease and make Baekhyun worry, he kept on guffawing so loud until he ended up rolling on his stomach on the rooftop floor. He could see Baekhyun with his wicked sly smile as the latter worked his hands on tickling him. He then rose back to sit in front of Baekhyun again. “Baekhyunnie, I was just joking okay, what is life without some fun and laughter?”

“Alright. I take it all back just for tonight,” Baekhyun scoffed jokingly, reducing his deadly tickles to just playful ones. “Because I love you.” He said the last part quickly, almost muttering with his face casted down, as if hoping Chanyeol wouldn’t notice his reddened cheeks.

_I give thanks each day  
That you came my way  
A dream in a million come true_

But of course Chanyeol with, according to what Baekhyun said, his Bert-like large protruding ears heard everything clearly and he beamed at that. He quickly got up and retrieved a guitar from a box behind them that he hid earlier, earning another cute surprised look from Baekhyun who seemed to didn’t notice it was there with them at the rooftop.

“You have everything prepared for any possible scenarios, aren’t you, Yeol?” Baekhyun chuckled, eyeing the boxes and Chanyeol’s backpack with more attention, rising up from his seat on the rooftop’s ground to take a peek and check what was stored behind them.

“I am a man on a mission to get your heart and take you home with me, Hyunnie. Let me be,” Chanyeol said, chuckling along as he waved Baekhyun’s remark off. Then he pulled Baekhyun’s hand to make the small man sit again. “And listen. Let me sing for you.”

And so Baekhyun chuckled a little before he shut himself up, making a closing a zipper motion over his mouth and focused all of his attention to Chanyeol with a small smile. “Let’s hear it.”

Chanyeol took it as a sign to start, so he took a position facing their view of the campus and the dorms just so Baekhyun could see his—hopefully—handsome side profile with his strong jawline and took a breath, before singing a song he wrote and composed a few days ago just for Baekhyun and for this exact occasion.

“Darling those bright eyes go with me all the time, with all the stars up above your eyes, all the night’s magic seems to whisper and hush, and all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush,” Chanyeol starts, with a soft strum of his guitar.

As if in an enchantment, Baekhyun slowly rested his chin on his propped hands, eyes dreamily gazing into the stars of Chanyeol’s gleaming eyes, with a small smile that seemed to be painted permanently on his face.

“And in the dead of night, tell me you will be mine, where do you go to, could it be?” Chanyeol continued as he paused strumming his guitar for a moment just to softly caressing Baekhyun’s cheek, making the small man chuckle. “Where do you go to when the night winds away?”

Just like magic, one touch from Chanyeol’s hand on Baekhyun’s cheeks brought a soft pink glow on the skin, eyes slowly widening in awe with the dark mahogany irises twinkling just like the many speckle of stars above their heads, and last but not least, a soft smile bloomed with red lips beautifully curled up.

“You ask me so sweetly, what do I do? And who do I sing for?” Chanyeol sang again, keeping the song’s tempo slow and his voice soft, finally letting Baekhyun know of the secret he had been keeping since the day they first met. “But honey, I sing about you.” 

“My song is love, a love unknown, and I’ve got to get that message home.” Chanyeol sang the last line with a glance at Baekhyun, who seemed so enraptured by his play, the small man’s mahogany eyes that shone rays of fondness trained at him throughout the song and a smile on his face that got wider as the song progressed on.

The song ended with Chanyeol smiling sweetly and gave his guitar a calming final strum, letting the melody sinking in as he stared deep into Baekhyun’s eyes. He then placed his guitar behind his back and faced Baekhyun again. “So, what do you think about it? Did you catch the answer for the question you asked on the first time we’ve met and whenever I write a song?”

It seemed like it took a moment for Baekhyun to remember what was Chanyeol talking about, face contorted in concentration, eyebrows furrowed so cutely Chanyeol wanted to kiss it, and humming a long _hmm_ that made him look like a five years old kid deciding which popsicle to buy. One minute had passed when he let out a happy _A-ha!_ with a face so amused, as if he just realized he could buy all the Popsicles available.

“Yeol… it’s first time we met where I caught you intensely staring at me and wrote an impromptu song about someone… so does that mean those songs you wrote and composed since then… all for me?” Baekhyun asked, astonished. Then the tinge of red blush on his face grew more vibrant, as if he was thinking about the fact that in the song Chanyeol wrote at the very first time they met, Chanyeol had scratched the word _like_ and changed it into _love_.

“That’s right. The thought of you breathed life into those songs. And they’re all for you. Call me cheesy, but it was love at the first sight.” Chanyeol answered confidently, grinning ear to ear. He was a man who loved to love, and in his case falling in love for Baekhyun wasn’t that hard, it was as easy as breathing, like he was born to do exactly just that.

“B-but those songs are so good! The depth of emotion, the song progression… I mean—me?” Baekhyun asked, this time with his finger pointing at himself, still staring at Chanyeol in disbelief. 

“Yes, you,” Chanyeol answered immediately, bopping Baekhyun’s nose. Then he chuckled as he saw Baekhyun’s mouth opened slightly, forming an adorable replica of a small triangle that resembled _siot_ , the tenth alphabet of Korean’s _hangeul_ writing system. “Only you.”

_Only you can make all this world seem right  
Only you can make the darkness bright_

“Yeol…” Baekhyun breathed out, voice so soft and just a tone above a whisper as his smile reappeared, this time wider and much sweeter with his cheeks forming balls of fluff that made Chanyeol’s heart swoon. 

Then Chanyeol watched with pure fascination as Baekhyun licked his lips, wetting his slightly dried lips from the night’s cold air. His eyes were fixed on Baekhyun’s luscious red lips that sparkled under the moonlight, until he realized the same thing was moving slowly closer to him.

Catching the drift, Chanyeol smiled and in short order he closed the distance, finally placing his lips over Baekhyun’s, with both of their eyes slowly fluttering to close. His dreams of said lips were right; the warmth, softness and plumpness of it made him want to kiss Baekhyun all day every day. Then his right hand moved to cup Baekhyun’s cheek, his thumb stroking Baekhyun’s cheekbone. The gentle strokes made the small man automatically perching his hands on his shoulders.

_Fate was surely kind to help my heart  
Find someone like you to be my love_

Baekhyun seemed to wait for Chanyeol to make the first move, as he stilled and Chanyeol could feel him smiling against his lips. Carefully he moved his lips, locking their lips together with Baekhyun's lower lip between his lips. He then continued the move forward, slowly licking and sucking on Baekhyun’s lower lip before moving to do the same for the upper lip, gently massaging it with his lips and occasional tongue lick that earned him a light chuckle from the small man.

With all the right touches of Chanyeol’s lips, Baekhyun seemed to comply to Chanyeol’s moves, returning the kiss with equal interest, and they kissed more in steady rhythm, heads tilting to get better angles. Then their kiss turned more intense, when he tentatively slid his tongue slowly into Chanyeol’s mouth, licking his tongue. 

That signaled Chanyeol to deepen the kiss by gently sliding and darting his tongue inside Baekhyun’s parted mouth, making Baekhyun to scoot even closer to him.

Their very first kiss didn’t feel like the monotone saying of _having butterflies in your stomach_ , to Chanyeol it was more than that. It felt _delicious_ , like when he was eating Cadbury’s caramel candy filled with melted milk chocolate, the sweet velvety taste of caramel and that unexpected burst of warm chocolate when he chewed on it, the blended flavor giving him a taste of heaven. Also, he knew his strawberry cheesecake tasted good—he did trial-and-error batches of cake before giving the best one for this special occasion—but really, he had to admit strawberry cheesecake _on_ Baekhyun’s mouth tasted like it was out of this world. One word for their kiss? Outstanding.

_Only you and you alone can thrill me like you do  
And fill my heart with love for only you_

The kiss was wonderful; of what started with just a shy tiny peck of curiosity and eagerness before, gradually went into a kiss full of passion with their souls and minds flowing in sync. It was a kiss with a feeling that surpassed others and went far over the boundaries of words to describe it.

Not just like seeing Japanese Sakura trees spreading its strawberry milk toffee pink flower petals for a few months; but just like witnessing the way _Selenicereus grandiflorus_ or the Queen of the Night blooms, which was a night-blooming Cereus cactus that bloom only once a year, just for a single night. Not just like observing the constellations of Sirius, Bellatrix and Andromeda; but just like witnessing the day where the Halley’s comet passed through the earth as it orbited the sun, which only happened for once every seventy six years.

It was like seeing the transitions of seasons in fast forward, the gradual ombré of the sky during sunset or sunrise. He really could just list hundreds of amazing experiences, but even those were only just a tiny bit close to the feeling of kissing Baekhyun…

_Way out of heaven to try love with you  
Yes one in a lifetime you know  
Above heaven started below us_

When the both of them felt like they need some air, slowly they parted. But their foreheads were still touching, noses bumping each other’s, hot breaths ghosting over each other’s faces, a thin trail of saliva still connecting their mouths. Only when Baekhyun started laughing did Chanyeol pull his head away, before he wiped Baekhyun’s lips with his thumb, completely entranced by it and loving the way Baekhyun’s lips move under his fingers.

As Chanyeol’s fingers were still caressing his lips, Baekhyun spoke first. “A confession, I have been waiting so long for you to confess and kiss me like this since forever.”

Chanyeol choked on that unexpected confession. Now it was his turn to stare in disbelief at Baekhyun. “Wh-what?” He knew he was a bit slow when it came to feelings, but was he that oblivious? He thought Baekhyun wasn’t interested being in a relationship with him, that was why he was so nervous to execute his plan to get Baekhyun today. “Was I that clueless?”

Baekhyun smirked. “Well, Yeol. Another confession, I only enjoyed accepting the chocolate, letters and flowers people sent to me, and pretended to never notice your presents—” then he chuckled as Chanyeol with wide eyes tried to interrupt him with a _wait, you knew it was mine?_ “—Yes I know it’s yours, I memorize your handwriting so well—just because I know it will make you jealous. Glad it worked,” he laughed. “I thought you don’t like me that way, you know.”

“How come I don’t love you when you’re so lovely, a good singer with heavenly voice, an amazing artist who draws and designs so good, a genius with the whole books at the library in your brain, and such a good-natured human being—that even words aren’t enough to sum it up?” Chanyeol quickly replied, his face reddening while rambling fast and listing everything he was two hundred percent sure everyone in the campus agreed to.

“And I thought _you_ don’t like me that way!” Chanyeol retorted, pouting as the days of him having to lie through gritted teeth saying _yeah, that’s nice_ with a forced, half-crooked smile whenever Baekhyun flaunted in front of him the bouquets of flowers or stacks of chocolate boxes he got from the endless stream of admirers, while his present that he gave for Baekhyun laid abandoned on the bottom of the small man’s locker.

“How come I don’t love _you_ when you’re so caring and warm, a true Gryffindor at heart that everyone loves, a songwriter prodigy, a handsome singer and a great five-star chef too?” Baekhyun teased, as he went to give a peck on Chanyeol’s pouting lips, turning it into a smile from the tall man.

“I love you so much.” They suddenly said in unison again, prompting them to laugh at how synchronized they were. Then Chanyeol moved forward to capture Baekhyun’s lips again, kissing him more passionately this time.

_There is one in a million like you  
My dream in a million come true_

Then the night became infinity times better because they were both able to finally tell each other what was really on their hearts. They spent the night just kissing each other again, first just another couple of innocent pecks of the lips before going full force making out until they were breathless and laughing into each other’s mouths. They continued holding hands, cuddling with their hands playing underneath the blankets, pressing random kisses, and giggling at how pleasant it felt being in each other’s arms, no space whatsoever between them, no judging eyes to bother them.

“Hyunnie. I have one question.” Chanyeol asked, after their giggles had died down. This time they were back into their previous position, lying on the rooftop floor with blankets underneath and over their hugging figures.

“Alright, tell me what is it.” Baekhyun replied, shifting slightly, trying to fit himself in Chanyeol’s embrace, snuggling impossibly closer. Finally after several shifting, he found his most comfortable position with his head on Chanyeol’s chest, his ear placed exactly on top of Chanyeol's heart, and Chanyeol’s arms around his body with one arm draped over his stomach.

“I’ve said all my reasons why I love you. How about you? What makes you said that you agree to be my boyfriend?” Chanyeol inquired, brushing off Baekhyun’s dark chocolate bangs that covered his eyes. The word _boyfriend_ to call Baekhyun with had a nice sense of belonging to roll out from his own tongue, he admitted.

Baekhyun replied as soon as Chanyeol finished his question, as if he knew Chanyeol was going to ask about it and he had his answers ready even before he was asked. “Because in you I see someone special, you have that brilliant fire in your eyes that shows both the intensity of fierceness to do the right things. And the best part is that I can see heaven full of happiness assembled by smiles and laughter inside, too.”

“Life and its mysterious hands brought you to me, with your ability to spread happiness, to make sure people feel and know how they’re not a waste of space, that they are important. I especially admire how you can bring the best out of people, helping them to realize that they exist for a reason—and it all applies to me as well,” Baekhyun smiled as he squeezed Chanyeol’s hand gently. “You are that reassurance hug at the end of the day that tells me I’ve done enough. You are those arms that brace me up and tell me that I don’t have to be afraid even when I’m on my own. With all of those great qualities in you, I just know that in everything you do, you will go further, more than people have ever gone, because you are not scared to be strong.”

_Yes once in a million is par  
To find someone rare as you are_

Chanyeol was silent for a moment after Baekhyun said those sentences, closing his eyes. He let every word slowly coming into his every senses, keeping it all in the archives of his head for safekeeping and reserving it in the deepest chambers of his heart to be the source of his strength. All the things Baekhyun had said to him tonight, he never knew Baekhyun felt that way towards him. Even though Baekhyun told him how he was the one who could make people feel like they weren’t a waste of space, Baekhyun had done it to him without he himself knowing about it—offering his presence ever so kindly when people were so used to think of him as an invisible person.

He opened his eyes again and studied Baekhyun’s face, finding Baekhyun’s dark mahogany eyes were staring at him intently with the ever-comforting look that seemed to shine just for him and that luminous smile sent his way… Baekhyun, who rarely spoke his true feelings, had finally opened his heart for him. He felt like he had granted access to a very important, one and only top-secret vault in the world.

It looked like Baekhyun interpreted Chanyeol’s silence as a sign that he was disappointed he could only say as much, because his face turned red again, with a hint of panic and guilt in his eyes. Then he started to stutter, “Yeol—um I’m sorry—I’m not really good at words but—”

“No, that’s not what I meant… I just realized how those sentences mean so much to me, hearing it from your mouth, with that cute fond puppy look on your face. It means a lot. I can see the sincerity of it in your eyes and your gestures,” Chanyeol assured with a smile, caressing the creases on Baekhyun’s worried face to turn it into a smooth smile, before he pressed a kiss on the crown of Baekhyun’s head. “Thank you, Hyunnie.”

Honestly, Chanyeol thought Baekhyun’s words for him were unusual and unexpected. When people had the standard qualifications of good looks, level of intelligence or measure of wealth, Baekhyun’s first impression on him was because of his personalities, his ability to help people find all the hidden good things about themselves. That meant a lot more than any other praises.

Then Baekhyun tilted his head up to properly look at Chanyeol, his smile turned into a broader one, forcing his cheeks to form into two squishy buns. “Since the first day we met, you’ve planted a seed of my love for you in my heart. Since day one… everything for you.”

_Though it may be rare  
You and I will share  
The love that has happened to few  
For there’s one in a million like you_

Then out of nowhere, suddenly the night sky was brightly sprayed with colors of fireworks, joining the stars in the league of sparkling things adorning the dark sky. Both Chanyeol and Baekhyun looked up to enjoy the heavenly view—hands intertwined, arms around each other and bodies locked tight under the warm blankets they shared together.

As Chanyeol is about to look down to see Baekhyun’s face again, there’s a loud bang that makes him quickly retract his head back up to look at the source of voice, to see what is happening—

 

 

But there is nothing. And when he turns his head to Baekhyun’s direction, the small man is nowhere to be found, his hands hugging only the empty air.

Then in one blink of his eyes Chanyeol realizes everything around him is gone as his surrounding fades into a blinding blackness. With his eyes seeing nothing, his mind concludes that it seems like he’s once again entrapped inside the box-like space.

This time the blackness encasing him starts to swirl, like he’s standing in the middle of a tornado of debris and dust, and he can’t see anything but dark matter. He tries to make it stop by trying to grab on anything he can reach, but everything around him seems to consist of incorporeal matter and only continue to swirl. But by the time Chanyeol starts to question when will it end, everything stops. He is now back in the white box, still confused as to where he is and why is he there…

But then, from out of the corner of his eyes, he sees someone walking towards him from far away. He wants to turn his head to see and who the person might be, but he’s too scared to do it, so he decides to check on the person from his peripheral vision.

The way that person walks rings a bell in his mind; the full of confidence gait, the slightly jaunty strides, and even the rhythm of their steps. With his body still frozen in spot, it only takes a slight turn of his head for him to realize the person is a man.

As the person walks closer, Chanyeol finally finds the courage to turn his head and fully face the man. 

He knew who is it—it’s Baekhyun. Again.

His Baekhyun is smiling. There’s a strange, solitary aura mixed with something he can’t put a name to that Baekhyun gives off, something that draws a thin but bold line of significant difference to the usual familiarity he used to feel, but not in an odd way. More like in a way that makes Chanyeol’s longing heart to yearn more for Baekhyun’s presence next to him. He notices that this time Baekhyun is wearing the same outfit he wore on the day he proposed him—again with a blank white t-shirt tucked into his simple washed-out blue jeans, and his double-breasted black blazer with golden buttons.

This time Baekhyun doesn’t reach out to him. With a smile that looks as if it’s meant to be beautifully painted everlastingly on his face, Baekhyun just points to a wooden door that Chanyeol didn’t realize is there. Things pop out of nowhere here, it seems.

Chanyeol looks over to the door before shifting his eyes back to the Baekhyun. He’s about to advance towards Baekhyun, when the smiling man—Baekhyun is once again sporting his signature wise smile, he can’t help but point out—starts to walk away from him, leaving him alone.

“Baekhyun, no, please—Hyunnie, wait!” Chanyeol shouts loudly, waving his hands and trying anything to get Baekhyun’s attention. “Wait for me, please—”

He tries to catch up with Baekhyun, really, but his steps suddenly get so heavy, like he’s slowly sucked into a quicksand. Looking down, he realized the white floor is slowly turning into the same deep blue sea he first encountered in this white space, everywhere all he sees is water breaching in rapidly from a source he can’t figure out the exact location.

It seems like Chanyeol’s shout worked, since Baekhyun finally turns his body around. But the small man only smiles at the tall man again and pointed at the wooden door for the second time before he turns back and continues his steps, getting farther away from Chanyeol.

So, abandoning the walking away Baekhyun and without further ado, Chanyeol runs towards the door instead, bare feet splashing on the rising water. As his hand touches the door’s knob, he quickly turns the round brass knob and tentatively pushes the wooden door.

Despite being made from what seems like old bough of Redwood, the door isn’t that heavy to push. There’s a faint creak sound of the door’s opening and bright streams of light greeting him from what seems to be a throng of stroboscopic lamps directed to him from up above—

 

 

It was another lovely summer morning.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun were standing at the Seorak-dong, the main entrance of the Seoraksan National Park. Left and right, they could see restaurants, souvenir shops, parking lots, and of course, people milling around. They were at the Sokcho area for a week now, for their summer holidays of their last year at university and they had planned to spend two days to get their first hiking experience up the Seoraksan mountains. The place would have been a tourist hell if it weren’t for Baekhyun’s idea to explore the place on summer instead of autumn.

“Yeol!” Baekhyun yelled, motioning his hands for Chanyeol to come closer. “Come on! You went to sleep earlier than me last night, it’s already seven in the morning and you’re still not properly awake?” He chuckled.

“Hyunnie, slow down please…” Chanyeol was on the ground, crouching and gasping for breath. He was used to the gym life, but hiking was another chapter in his book of exercises. He swore the small man in front of him currently jumping up and down lively despite carrying a full 50L backpack had a burning engine inside his body, maybe that was also the reason for his ever-radiant smile even in the ungodly hours of the morning.

They had had set up a camp at the national park’s campgrounds the previous night before, just down the road from the main entrance. Since it was summer, there were lots of people who were camping out to hike just like them, but they had managed to secure a patch under the green trees quite far away from the commotion, where they had built their tent, laid a hammock and cooked ramen for dinner. Baekhyun had set up an alarm at five in the morning for them to start day one out of two of hiking, so after they decently had woken up, they walked to the main park entrance which only took them twenty minutes full of fresh, cool air and greenery views of Seoraksan in summer.

“Okay, so are you ready? Got all things in yet?” Baekhyun said after Chanyeol had catch up with him, smile as bright as the morning sun. He seemed to be so thrilled, judging by his stance of standing straight and hands clutching on his backpack straps, looking like a little kid ready for his first day of school.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Chanyeol replied, smiling at the sight of a very high-spirited man in front of him. In his mind he listed the things they brought along: hiking gears, Baekhyun’s camera, bottles of water, first-aid kits, emergency clothing, waterproof hiking jacket, oranges, food stored in airtight resealable containers and chocolate bars courtesy of Baekhyun. Their inflatable sleeping bags, cooking utensils, change clothes and other camping gears were to be left at their tent.

They were wearing their white dri-fit soccer jerseys, with their names imprinted on their backs with 61 for Chanyeol and 04 for Baekhyun, and it was Baekhyun’s initiative to bring all of their soccer jerseys just so the heat wouldn’t be a problem to them.

They checked the trail map at the information center, trying to decide which trek they would choose for the first day. There was a cable car service station that transferred people up to the top of Gwongeumseong Peak to see the Gwongeumseong Fortress of Seoraksan Castle, which was a massive barren rocks formation hill looking out over all around 360 degrees of Seoraksan National Park. But they decided they were more into the hiking experience and wanted to avoid the hubbub of crowding people, so they skipped that one.

“How about we try to tackle the Ulsanbawi Course and then get back to Seorak-dong?” Chanyeol asked as he inspected the map. From what he knew, the Ulsanbawi Course was a popular and beautiful rocks formation in the northern part of Seoraksan National Park with an elevation no more than 817 meters, but its unique jagged landscape and great views of sea of clouds served as its main attractions.

Baekhyun hummed, calculating the distance and time they need while also inspecting the map. “Then we can also try to go through this trail to see the Biseondae Rock after lunch! Deal?”

Chanyeol laughed. Of course Baekhyun would want to fit as much hiking as possible, and his number one goal for the next two days was to get Baekhyun to the places he wanted to visit, which in a way would reward him the best thing ever: a happy Baekhyun. “Deal.”

“Let’s go!” Baekhyun shouted happily, dragging Chanyeol by his hands to set their feet into the park’s entrance and start their very first hiking trip.

Right after they entered the park entrance, they came across the Sinheungsa Temple, with Tongil Daebul or The Great Unification Buddha statue, welcoming them in. The Buddha was the largest seated bronze Buddha statue in the world with a full 14.6 meters height, complete with alabaster white marble flooring and carefully trimmed grass beds around it, and they wouldn’t miss a chance to take photos.

“Hyunnie, look. You’re so small.” Chanyeol commented, as they checked the photos of them posing in front of the statue with their wide grins and hands gestured in a way to imitate the Buddha’s.

“Excuse me, you too are small compared to the statue!” Baekhyun retaliated, while tiptoeing to make himself look just slightly taller and sending a thunderous glower at Chanyeol, though still trying to hide his chuckle.

“But you’re smaller than me,” Chanyeol replied easily, smirking as he gave Baekhyun a once over—the small man’s bubbled cheeks and the pout that accompanied the glower made him look like a crowd of fluffy clouds more than anything. “Aren’t you my favorite small puppy?”

Presented by an inarguable statement, Baekhyun could only laugh as he started walking away. “Okay, Mr. Giant, have it your way.”

Laughing along, Chanyeol jogged a little bit to catch up with Baekhyun and took Baekhyun’s hand as he dragged the small man forward to start exploring the temple in front of them.

Sinheungsa Temple was, in a two-dimensional way, loud. With its color splashes of sea blue, orange, earth brown and lime green on the wooden statues, great size of dragon carvings on its stone steps leading into the shrine complex, and monks milling around, the place made up as the appetizer of their journey.

After they were satisfied with looking around the Sinheungsa Temple and refilled their water bottles, they continued their walk. The beginning of the trail was very wide, flat, and nicely paved with greyish white rocks, making their way easy as they set their eyes on the places crawling with green trees on their left and right, and the bold blue of the sky above their heads.

The trail followed along streams coming from inner Seoraksan, it meandered over large, traditional wooden bridges with its brick red color contrasting against the majority of green, and through different and smaller temples than Sinheungsa with their blue and green walls blending in with the sky above and the trees of their surroundings. And the best part was that all of these sceneries were accompanied with a picturesque backdrop of summer green trees on the lower grounds of Seoraksan and topped by the rocky mountaintops.

They continued their way up the path trail after Baekhyun finished taking photos of the nature. As they hiked up, Chanyeol purposefully left Baekhyun’s side, who was busy bending down to take photos of a disguised butterfly among the bushes and absorbing the breathtaking view, and continued walking behind Baekhyun to admire the views of both Baekhyun and the nature.

Ten minutes in, it seemed like Baekhyun finally noticed Chanyeol’s absence next to him alongside the tall man’s true intention, because he turned back while chuckling and said, “Park Chanyeol. Hello. Can you stop looking at my ass, please?”

“Not my fault you and the nature are as mesmerizing.” Chanyeol replied with yet another smirk, as again he jogged a little bit to catch up with his laughing Baekhyun.

They continued to tread uphill, sometimes finding rare paved concrete, a few short staircases and some platforms. After that, most of the trail was a gradual rocky uphill climb, where they passed some stone urns and stacked stones. After 2.2 kilometers and almost an hour of another easy stroll, they arrived at a unique complex of the Gyejoam Temple, which was smuggled under the shade of the tall trees and tucked in the shadows of the Ulsanbawi ridgeline.

In the temple complex they found a shrine hermitage built deep inside a small house sized grotto within the sand colored rocks mountain, with brightly colored lanterns decorating the entrance. The grotto was a peaceful space, with recorded chants of prayer filling the air. Baekhyun even spotted and took photos of random outcroppings on the rock formations surrounding them that could be easily overlooked by anyone.

“Oh Yeol, look!” Baekhyun called, beckoning to Chanyeol, who was busy inspecting inscriptions in Hanja letters engraved on the smooth, polished huge stones around the temple.

Not far from the Gyejoam Temple’s entrance, Baekhyun spotted a game in the form of a huge, round boulder called Heundeulbawi, which from what they heard from the monks, could be rocked back and forth if a group of people work together and push on it in sync. His eyes lit up in excitement. “Let’s try it, Yeol!”

“Let’s do it.” Chanyeol replied, smiling at the side of a bright Baekhyun in front of him. There was no way for him to refuse any of Baekhyun’s requests, not when said person looked like a happy puppy asking its owner to play while tugging on his arms—not that he ever had the thought to say no, anyway.

They placed their hands on it and gave it a whirl, but the strength of only two people couldn’t get it to budge. Even so, not long after, with new hikers arriving, they finally formed a team of six people and pushed the Heundeulbawi a couple of times. And slowly but sure, a miracle happened. Chanyeol could feel the boulder moved alongside their movements and then it slightly rocked back. “Hyunnie, do you feel it?”

“I feel it!” Baekhyun replied, with a priceless look resembling a pirate finding a long lost treasure on his face. “Yeol, it moved! We moved it!” He adorably exclaimed again with his hands balled up into fists and raised up high in the air, earning him laughter from other hikers who helped them and commented how cute he was that made him blush and Chanyeol to laugh.

After they said their thanks to the hikers that helped them, they continued their journey, with now the Ulsanbawi ridge was more revealed to their eyes, seen above the forest and against the cloudless blue sky closer to them. Twenty minutes after they left the Gyejoam Temple and the fun of Heundeulbawi, they found an overlook atop a rock. The viewpoints it presented to them were some of the best views ones they had seen so far at Seoraksan. Looking in front of them, the carpet of the rest of the national park was laid out and expanded below them. When they turned around and looked above, again they saw the majestic Ulsanbawi towering in all its glory. Continuing their hike, this time the trail started to show its true colors to them as it began to go up and up. From the foldable map they carried, it was only another 1.1 kilometer after the temple to reach another checkpoint before their destination.

Suddenly Chanyeol stopped walking, almost getting Baekhyun’s nose smacked on his backpack.

Baekhyun fortunately managed to save his nose by moving to the side, thanks to his reflexes. Then he directed his attention to the freezing Chanyeol whose eyes were fixed on something in front of them. “Yeol? What is it? The trail is closed? Or what—”

And then Baekhyun saw it. In front of them there were narrow, maroon colored metal stairs that went up above the sandy colored smooth boulders, with occasional trees jutting out on the sides. Apparently they needed to climb over steep and winding stairs, and this was the spot where most visitors gave up from how steep it was. He then let out a set of laughter, after it sank in. “Yeol—” another laugh, “Come on, it’s okay. We can do this.”

Chanyeol went to the first step of the stairs and sat down, his shoulder sagged. He knew that Baekhyun understood he wasn’t very fond of said stairs. So even though they just stopped to rest at the Gyejoam Temple, he made up an excuse just so he could delay them from going up the stairs. “Hyunnie, can’t we just, um—can’t we rest first, please?”

"Yeol, as much as I want to stop for a rest, we just took a rest ten minutes ago and we should keep going. If we rest now, we won’t have enough time to climb back down. Besides, stopping too much will make it harder going up,” Baekhyun chuckled as he walked to face Chanyeol, smiling amusedly as if he knew how Chanyeol found the stairs annoying and the tall man was just trying to find a way to stay on the ground. Still standing, he extended his hand and smiled. “Besides, I know you can do this. Take my hand, we’ll go together.”

“Alright,” Chanyeol chuckled, knowing he just got caught. He wanted to take Baekhyun’s hand, his hand already halfway reaching back to Baekhyun, but then as he turned his head back to inspect the metal structure he was sitting upon, he saw the steep, hilly stairs looking all rickety and dangerous. “But Hyunnie, you should hold both sides of the railings too, it’s not safe if you’re holding my hand too.”

“Then I’ll go first,” Baekhyun said encouragingly, motioning his hand for Chanyeol to take as his smile turned so soft and fond eyes trained at Chanyeol. “But I’ll wait for you. I’m sure you can tackle the obstacles and overcome challenges all by yourself too. Obstacles can make you hesitate and stop in your way, but if you believe in yourself… then you can do it. Even when you’re walking alone.”

“Okay. We can do this,” Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s hand, as the latter immediately pulled him back to his feet. He had always been afraid to do some things, but seeing the things Baekhyun gave him—the exact kind of relieving smile on Baekhyun’s face, the sincere faith Baekhyun always trusted into him, the continuing support Baekhyun sent his way, were all that made him to always go for it. “I can do this.”

Despite saying he would go first, Baekhyun tended to Chanyeol first. Baekhyun teased him, saying that he was making baby steps, joking about how he felt like a babysitter to make him laugh, all the while holding his hand. After he felt fine climbing the stairs, he let go Baekhyun’s hand. And as he saw Baekhyun cheerfully trooped up the steps in front of him, looking like a bird up in the sky flying and chirping freely, he couldn’t help but think for the millionth time how Baekhyun was the one he wanted to keep forever.

Even so, Chanyeol still needed to stop for a while, massaging his thighs after he could feel his hamstrings starting to throb after the constant stretches and pull of the muscles. To make it worse, the set of stairs was a bit vertigo inducing for him, and his legs seemed to be unwilling to cooperate.

It looked as though Baekhyun noticed the tired gestures Chanyeol tried to hide, because not long after Chanyeol halted his steps, he also stopped a few steps in front of Chanyeol before he turned his body around to check on the tall man. “Hey, Yeol.”

After seeing a fleeting view of Baekhyun turning around through his peripheral vision, quickly Chanyeol stood up again in a flash so as not to show his tiredness and make Baekhyun worry. Then he smiled. “Yes, Hyunnie?”

“I have something to help you climb up the stairs,” Baekhyun announced as he stepped down to stand on same level as Chanyeol’s, smile still in place. Then he beckoned Chanyeol to walk with him. “Let’s go.”

Again flashing in Chanyeol’s head the menacing height of the stairs and how narrow the treads were, not exactly built for two people to stand side by side, so he quickly rejected the offer and placed his hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders to secure the small man from getting too close to the railings. “No Hyunnie, it’s fine, you don’t have to hold my hand or something—I’m really okay, you can just go on, I’ll follow behind you—”

“It’s okay, Yeol. Just come with me,” Baekhyun chuckled as he reached his left hand to take Chanyeol’s from his shoulder, holding it, while his right hand went up to brush away a trickle of sweat on Chanyeol’s temple. “I can just help you by holding your hand, of course, but what I have for you is even better than that. For this one I’ll borrow the words of one of my favorite poet, Elizabeth Barrett Browning for her husband, which also happened to be the poet Robert Browning.”

At the mention of a poem for him, Chanyeol stopped his frantic movements to keep Baekhyun away from the stairs’ edge. He felt touched already, even when he knew Baekhyun must’ve had been tired as well, but he still took time to think of his well being and even tried to find him a solution. So at the end he could only stutter, “Hyunnie—”

“Now, just listen to me and follow my steps.” Baekhyun smiled as he started to recite _How Do I Love Thee?_ that was written by the Victorian poem in 1850 as he carefully climbed one step up, before he turned around to face Chanyeol again. This time his eyes were directed to stare on the center of Chanyeol’s eyes as he tugged on Chanyeol’s right hand.

_How do I love you? Let me count the ways._

Even from just the first line, Chanyeol could feel his energy was beginning to revive, the slight stiffness on his legs slowly disappearing—as if the words Baekhyun said mended him. Unconsciously, as if Baekhyun’s voice alone could move his legs, he started to climb up the stairs again, his feet stepping on the same step of the stairs Baekhyun was standing on.

“My love for you has way too many forms to be said one by one, but for now, I’ll tell you a bit of my secret.” Baekhyun chuckled as he gave Chanyeol’s hand a gentle squeeze. When he saw Chanyeol progressed better and was following his steps, his smile grew wider. Then he continued the lines as together they stepped up with a slow but sure pace.

_I love you to the depth and breadth and height  
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  
For the ends of being and ideal grace_

“My love for you… is not an ordinary one. It goes beyond what the farthest range the mind could think, the eyes could see or the hands can grasp, all-encompassing and free of any restriction,” Baekhyun said, after another few steps up, stopping for a while to wait for Chanyeol to reach him. Then as Chanyeol finally stepped into the same level as him, while tracing circles on the back of Chanyeol’s hand with his thumb, he smiled and added, “Even when I can sense that my time here might end, I know it’s my love that I have for you only, that will remain.”

The wide smile Baekhyun were continuously giving him that seemed to glow more under the sunlight as they ascended the steps, and the way Baekhyun added more beautiful words to the already heart-warming lines of the poem really helped Chanyeol more than a hold on his hand could—just what Baekhyun promised to him at the beginning. Without him noticing it, he suddenly got that very much-needed spurt of energy as he speeded up just so he could climb the stairs side by side with the smiling small man.

He really wanted to say something to respond to such a fine poem and Baekhyun’s own representation of each line, but he just really couldn’t find anything equal or even remotely close to be an adequate good reply. So, following Baekhyun’s instruction, he chose to strain his ears and listen carefully just so he could catch all the words Baekhyun gave him that worth all the gemstones in the world.

After he saw Chanyeol standing tall next to him while smiling back at him, calmed down and breathing fine, Baekhyun continued reciting the next lines of the poem.

_I love you to the level of every day’s  
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight  
I love you freely, as men strive for right_

“Be it day or night, my love for you is always there, when the sun is at its brightest point at day and highest place in the sky to when the stars and the moon take its place at night. Even at times when we can just say nothing at all, with being in each other’s arms and talking through our eyes is enough,” Baekhyun added, saying each word with his soft voice to be carried away by the wind, to be kept by the wise hearts of the centuries old rocky Seoraksan mountains and of course, Chanyeol’s. “I love you as long as my heart beats, pouring it all for you just like the way the waves of the oceans flow. I love you in a way I know it’s just the right thing to do, with a constant burning desire and without restraint to fight for what is right.”

The flow of words coming out from Baekhyun’s mouth that acted as a narration adeptly describing the beauty of the harlequin pattern of Seoraksan’s terra firma lined with rows of tall pine and fir trees that completely distracted Chanyeol from the stairs, completely focusing his eyes to the sight of Baekhyun smiling at him. Then as Baekhyun’s dark mahogany eyes looked back from seeing the sights into his, returning the love he was trying to convey for the small man through his own orbs… he felt time stood still.

They stopped walking for a while, just standing there in front of each other, hand in hand and eyes boring deep into each other’s. It seemed the world was entirely their own. As smiles rose on their faces, coming back even wider and brighter, Baekhyun gave life into the hundred years old words for Chanyeol again.

_I love you purely, as they turn from praise.  
I love you with the passion put to use  
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith_

“I love you just because I _do_ love you, it’s what my heart naturally does—I don’t expect for anything in return and I don’t need people’s validations as long as I can love you,” Baekhyun continued, as they resumed their climb up the stairs, after they were done laughing at how they were staring at each other for quite a time. “My love for you has that one particular passion that goes so strong I can use it to turn my sorrow to love you more, to love you better. A passion so strong yet still has its heart pure and innocent, untainted.”

At how in every new line Baekhyun delivered for him the comparison of their love got higher and more purged of the grasping, selfish qualities, turning it purer and nobler… Chanyeol could feel no more pain or tiredness—he swore it was real. Every _I love you_ Baekhyun said to him, along with the different ways of how Baekhyun loved him worth a thousand more steps up. The judicious use of the innately clever and wise side that Baekhyun had where he learned so much from and the entire well thought out words were what helped him so much through everything.

_I love you with a love I seemed to lose  
With my lost saints. I love you with the breath,  
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,  
I shall but love you better after death_

“I love you with a belief that was once taken away from me—that there’s a wonder of you that shows me all hope is not lost yet. Love is still there, if I seek it from the right people… from you,” Baekhyun said with a smile that seemed to stay permanently on his face, resembling the way wildflowers stayed blooming throughout the year in the mountains’ niches, still effortlessly vibrant in colors and beautiful even under thousand days of rain and heat. “And in this restored belief, stronger than ever, I love you without stopping, in every inhale of my breath, in every happy moment where every smile is present with you as the thought, and even in the lowest of times where on your side I’ll stay by. In every day I’ve gone, I’m going and I will have to go through… I will always love you.”

“And… if the heavens will only grant just one of my wishes, my wish will be for me to be able to carry on loving you even more after time stops moving or the earth stops spinning,” Baekhyun continued. This time his smile was a perfect replica of the untainted nature in which they were standing in the middle—serene, tranquil, and unequalled with anything else. “My body moves and goes wherever I go, but my heart stays still, it will never move—you’re always in my head and my heart, and it’ll be filled with thoughts and feelings for you only. My love will go on and on, beyond the confinement of my physical body, only gaining strength as it becomes transcendent.”

“And that’s what Mrs. Browning told me, about her ways to love her husband. But really, even without her telling me how to love you in the right ways… I know it all already from the way all I can do to give back for everything you gave for me, is to love you with all of me, Yeol,” Baekhyun chuckled, cheeks turning colors to roses red as he was back into his shy self, with his adorable small smile reappearing on his face. “It doesn’t need any kind of explanation. I just… really love you.”

After Baekhyun finished his sentence, Chanyeol could only stare in awe at how Baekhyun could turn simple words into touching sentences for him. That was it. He could feel at that exact moment how he could conquer anything with Baekhyun standing beside him. Just like what he was thinking when they were still on the bottom of the stairs: his only wish that his heart silently whispered for Seoraksan to send it directly to the sky was for God to let him keep Baekhyun with him as long as time went. 

“So here we are, Yeol,” Baekhyun said again, when they reached a quite spacious platform specially designed for hikers to rest on their way up the stairs that also served as a photo spot with a standout pine tree that seemed to sprout from the boulders’ gap as the background. Then, as the leaves of trees around them let the hidden sunlight to shine upon his head, bringing a twinkle onto his eyes and a small smile that seemed to say he was sincerely hoping Chanyeol would like the poem, he asked, “Well, what do you think?”

“Hyunnie, I… How do I say this? I just—thank you so much…” Chanyeol finally let out the first words he had in mind—feeling slight guilt at how feeble they were compared to Baekhyun’s—as they looked deep into each other’s eyes, basking in the truth their hearts gave out for each other. It was all that made his body magnetized and pulled to slowly walk closer to Baekhyun and circle his arms on the small man’s waist. “It’s really another of your magic, isn’t it?” 

“My magic?” Baekhyun laughed, his grin wide and arms automatically responded Chanyeol’s movements by looping around Chanyeol’s neck, pulling the tall man’s head close.

“Yes, your magic. Your words are your spells, your eyes and touches are the enchantments,” Chanyeol replied, as he closed his eyes and touched their foreheads for a moment. Then he opened his eyes again, instantly meeting Baekhyun’s dark mahogany ones. “For one, I know we’re not there yet, but I feel like I’m already at the top of the world wherever it is with you.”

“Everything for you, Yeol.” Baekhyun replied softly, with fondness shining out from both his eyes and his smile.

“And I’m so glad this set of stairs is quite steep and scares people away, I get to climb it with you privately as if we owned the place and have the presence of my own personal favorite poet—the ever beautiful Byun Baekhyun,” Chanyeol said again as he flashed his cheeky grin, and this time his teasing succeeded in getting Baekhyun to chuckle. Then spontaneously, he sneaked his head quickly to surge forward and give Baekhyun’s smiling lips a kiss. “And of course just so I can kiss you as much as I want.”

“Yeol, please,” Baekhyun laughed as he slightly retracted his head back to avoid Chanyeol’s lips—but giving in and kissed Chanyeol again at the end, earning him the tall man’s triumphant laughter. “Aren’t you currently showing your magic too by making me smile and laugh so much in just a few seconds?”

“My smiles and laughter, all I find in you and your magic, really,” Chanyeol said, this time giving out his lopsided smirk, proud to see how Baekhyun couldn’t resist his kisses. “But do you know what’s my favorite? The best part of your magic? It’s how with it, you make me believe I can just do anything now, because not only you gave me more source to be brave, somehow you erased all of my reasons to be afraid and exchanged it with happy memories to be remembered later whenever the fear starts to haunt me again, to be my shield.”

“You’re the one who taught me how, remember? Just like now, actually—with the way you showed me with your ever cheery self to find laughter in all kinds of situation, and to use our happy memories as the best protection against the bad days and as the source of strength in everything you do every day—all of those things you do, they tell me how I shouldn’t be afraid to just do what my heart tells me to,” Baekhyun laughed again, this time he broke their hug before he walked over to the platform’s railing, pulling Chanyeol by his hand to come along with him. “So right now I’m just reminding you again of it.”

“Thank you—really, thank you for using your words to create magic for me,” Chanyeol said, earning him another laugh and a soft _you’re welcome, you should thank yourself too, Yeol_ from Baekhyun. Then, with something that Baekhyun said earlier at the beginning of the poem coming up into his mind again, his smile slowly morphed into none other than his signature lopsided smirked as he called the small man. “Hyunnie.”

Slowly Baekhyun turned his head to face Chanyeol again, his dark chocolate hair again ruffled by the softly blowing wind. “Yeol.”

“You said this poem is from Mrs. Browning to Mr. Browning, right?” Chanyeol said with his smirk now coming full force, hoping Baekhyun would catch the clue without him having to embarrass himself further. “Mr. Browning as in the _husband_ , I mean.”

“Yes, correct, for the _husband_ ,” Baekhyun replied, smiling softly with a hint of a grin that seemed to say he did know what was Chanyeol really talking about but decided to feign innocence. Then he gently swayed their linked hands. “And?”

“So… since you’re borrowing Mrs. Browning’s words for her _husband_ for me, does that mean that I, uh, I can, um, I mean, be your…” Chanyeol shyly stuttered, cheeks getting redder with every second that passed—as always under Baekhyun’s soft gaze he melted, even though technically he was considerably taller. He could see the way Baekhyun’s grin had turned into a smirk just like his, along with the glint of amusement in the dark mahogany eyes that was watching him intently. “Does that mean you’re saying it for me as your—”

“I think you already know why I recited that poem for you,” Baekhyun chuckled as he sent Chanyeol his signature smile full of secrets to tease the tall man, before he turned around to continue climbing the stairs up. “Just a hint though, I remember that exact poem whenever I see you and I read it only for _you_ , Yeol.”

Chanyeol didn’t get the exact answer he wanted, but he saw the way Baekhyun got all flustered when he mentioned how the poem was written for Mrs. Browning’s husband and the appearance of the blushing cheeks the small man tried to hide, and really, that was more than enough of an answer for him. So silently he did a little celebratory dance and one jump with his fist up in the air, complete with hushed _yes!_ that he hoped Baekhyun couldn’t see or hear.

But—it seemed like Baekhyun heard him after all, since not long after he finished punching the air again out of sheer happiness for his victory from knowing Baekhyun only read the poem for him, he heard the small man laughing and calling for him to come along with him. And he was right, one turn of his body revealed to him Baekhyun standing only several meters away from him, with an amused broad grin on his face. So he can only laugh along as he took Baekhyun’s hand again before they resumed their steps up.

The stairs’ climb was quite exhausting, the height and continuous staring towards the steps made them feel quite lightheaded, but discussing Mrs. Browning’s poem and stopping once in a while to take time to look out to their surroundings they could slowly started to see the higher peaks within Seoraksan National Park.

“Yeol, look!” Baekhyun called when they were a third-quarters way up the stairs, this time pointing to the highest peak of Seoraksan that only now came clearly into view. “It’s Daecheongbong. We’ll be heading there to conquer the 1708 meters summit tomorrow!”

Chanyeol smiled, seeing an excited Baekhyun paid off all the sweat and stiff muscles he felt. Baekhyun’s bright smiles, the delighted glint in Baekhyun’s eyes, and added with the poem still ringing inside his head somehow restored all of his energy and threw away his prejudice of stairs, giving him a resolution to take the lead for the rest of the journey up the stairs. “We will, Hyunnie.”

At the end of the stairs, they finally arrived at the Ulsanbawi ridge peak, after a total of two hours and 3.3 kilometers of a mix of easy and steep stairs hike from bottom to top.

“Here you go, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol said, who had been proudly walking in front of Baekhyun during the time they climbed the stairs to in turn help and held his hands. He felt like presenting a gift he and the nature had prepared for Baekhyun. “You made it.”

“Yeol, _we_ made it,” Baekhyun smiled, correcting Chanyeol’s words, hands never leaving Chanyeol’s, gripping it tight. “One thirds of our journey done.”

Then Baekhyun walked to the edge of 817 meters high ridge, dragging Chanyeol along with him. “Wow, look at those we’re so high up in the air, Yeol!” He laughed, waving his arms energetically, as if he was saying his greetings to the sky. “It’s so beautiful and amazing and ethereal—I just—wow, just all the great adjectives for this view, Yeol. I can just scream to the sky now. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were here!”

Baekhyun might say the place looked beautiful, and indeed he was right, but to Chanyeol—without trying to be a carbon copy of thousands romantic movies out there—as he stood with Baekhyun standing in front him, still waving cheerily his free arm at everything below them… his happy Baekhyun was the most beautiful thing he ever saw.

They stayed on top of the Ulsanbawi ridge for about a half of an hour, watching the clouds and the mist playing around, rolling against and over the rocks formation. On their left side, hanging on the edges of the ridge, there was also a group of people with their white chalk stained hands and heavy gears ready to do rock climbing. Chanyeol then pulled Baekhyun with him to walk along the ridge, with maroon colored railings on their sides, it felt almost like they were standing on the tier of a ship overlooking the sea, but this time the Ulsanbawi ridge served as their ship and the waters were replaced by the white clouds.

“I love clouds. I want to live in the clouds with you, Yeol.” Baekhyun said, as he stood in the middle of the ridge path with his arms stretched wide resembling Kate Winslet’s iconic Titanic pose, as if he really wanted to hug the bear shaped clouds.

“It’s like The Beatles’ _Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds_ , but here we have _Hyunnie in the Sky with the Clouds_ ,” Chanyeol teased, amused as he observed the way Baekhyun’s wide smile made his cheeks bulging, just like the pillows of clouds swirling behind him that complemented his soft features. People usually would clench the railings tightly when they were at such high elevation and only a few meters from the edge of the ridge, but not Baekhyun. “Don’t worry, I’ll take you there.”

“I know I’ve said this like, thousands of times now, but it’s really so beautiful up here, Yeol,” Baekhyun mused, smiling softly as his stare moved from the spectacular view in front of them to look into Chanyeol’s eyes as his hand again found its way to clasp Chanyeol’s. “It must be tiring to go hike up here, thank you for accompanying me.”

“I admit it’s beautiful here, but you are way more beautiful. Your eyes, they’re a permanent sparkle of opaque, brownish zircon orbs under the summer sun, reflecting all of your purest glint paired up with the blue sky above the clouds,” Chanyeol answered swiftly, finally finding words to describe the feeling he got whenever he looked at Baekhyun, even though he knew it would never truly compliment Baekhyun’s beauty. He could see Baekhyun’s smile in his eyes, which was also mirrored in his own. Then he tightened his grip on Baekhyun’s hands. “Always hold my hands like this and I’ll never be tired to walk with you, wherever you want to go.”

Baekhyun chuckled at that, the bulge of his cheeks now blushing red and more prominent from his broad grin. Since it was noon and lunchtime finally came, instead of eating their packed lunch, they decided to go to a restaurant-type place of a stop up on the ridge trail for some delicious, well deserved _bibimbap_ and _pajeon_. After they were both well fed and once again full of energy, they made their way back down to the Seorak-dong entrance.

Their walk downward was easier and full of them chatting, mostly Baekhyun happily recounting their steps up, happy with his very first hike and how Chanyeol was by his side made everything ten times more wonderful and memorable. Chanyeol never thought it was possible for Baekhyun who was as radiant as the sun to brighten more, but that was what Baekhyun did at the prospect of continuing their hike to the Biseondae trail as they arrived back at the Seorak-dong.

“Yeol, ready for part two?” Baekhyun gave a dare, smirking and tipping his head up high in a way of challenging Chanyeol, as they stood again in front of the directory map post in Seorak-dong, back into being in the middle of the loud crowd again.

“Ready.” Chanyeol chuckled. Baekhyun looked like a kindergarten student ready for a field trip to a chocolate factory, but he knew inside him there was a valiant man who could fire him up to go through anything with his soothing smile and encouraging extension of his hand for him to hold.

It was rather funny how along the hike Baekhyun talked more as if being in the middle of the green swirl of nature was like him in his strongest element; and how Chanyeol loved listening to Baekhyun more than anything. He decided that this Baekhyun was on top of his list of favorite Baekhyuns.

“Biseondae, here we go!” Baekhyun exclaimed, taking Chanyeol’s hand again to walk side by side with him as he marched his way forward animatedly with his hands swinging and his mouth humming songs, exactly just like a kindergarten kid, confirming Chanyeol’s thought.

Chanyeol looked towards the trail they were heading to. From the map, he knew the Biseondae trail was one out of many trails within the Seoraksan National Park. It was also one of the most popular walking trails with a short distance of 3.0 kilometers inside the forest that follows a river tucked within the steep and rocky slopes of the Seoraksan mountain range.

As they entered the trail, they saw lot more people than the already packed crowd at the Ulsanbawi Course. Chanyeol understood why people liked this trail more as he and Baekhyun walked along the trail, and found that it was a rather easy walk with not much boulders to scale or steep stairs to climb. Since they were in a valley, along the way their eyes were often treated to fine views of the steep mountains following a babbling river filled with huge boulders right next to them and thick layers of forest that overshadowed their surroundings.

The trail led them to cross some bridges over the shallow stream, and on their right and left they could spot small ponds with transparent algae green water, created from big chalk white boulders strewn in a way it made them to look like natural basins.

“Hyunnie, that looks like poisonous potions that almost killed Dumbledore at the end of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.” Chanyeol said, pointing to the small ponds. He really couldn’t help his Potterhead self sometimes, being one since he was only six years old when the first book was first released in 1997.

As he halted his walk for a moment to look at the direction Chanyeol pointed, Baekhyun burst out laughing. “We’re hiking outside, witnessing nature at its finest and that’s what you have in mind?”

“Well, what do _you_ have in mind?” Chanyeol replied, half smirking in a challenging Baekhyun to find something better than his idea.

Baekhyun abruptly stopped walking and turned to his side to move his head closer to Chanyeol’s. “The dark cinnamon brown eyes of yours complement the strong bark of Seoraksan’s oak trees that has protected its trunks for hundreds of years, and the way your eyes represent the majestic color of the mountain rocks of Biseondae—unhindered, unyielding under thousand rain and wind.”

Then the smirk was gone from Chanyeol’s face as he was taken aback, surprised. The tender look on Baekhyun’s eyes and the close proximity of their bodies pressed made his heart skip a beat before continuing in a faster rhythm. This side of Baekhyun rarely came out, but when it did, he went all out to kill and snatch hearts.

“Touché! I can be romantic too, right?” Baekhyun suddenly blurted out, breaking the enchantment. Then he smiled and caressed Chanyeol cheeks softly before taking Chanyeol’s hand to continue their walk. “All just for you, you know.”

How Chanyeol loved Baekhyun.

They passed a few rest stops where people could grab a quick snack to fill their singing stomachs or buy ice-cold drink to fight the summer sun, wooden benches to rest their legs, and even some nice rocks alongside the river to just sit back, relax and enjoy the afternoon environment. To them, their best lunch menu came in form of a rainbow cake of scenery from bottom to top: the crystal green water streams, the chalk white boulders, the luxuriant green trees and bushes, the jagged rocks of Seoraksan, the clear blue sky with hints of white clouds dotting here and there, and it all was topped with their smiles and laughter as they converse.

They continued their walk, joking and bickering while again Baekhyun took photos and Chanyeol looking out for them. Then they finally reached the end of the Biseondae Rock trail, where the three kilometers of wide, gentle, and well-groomed walking path trail terminated. Around them they found a larger restaurant, people wearing neon-colored clothing with cameras slung on their necks, and lots of kids running around. They found a place to sit, sipped some of their drinks and shared one of Baekhyun’s chocolate bars.

After they finished their chocolate bar, with Chanyeol wiping a trace of melted chocolate from the corner of Baekhyun’s mouth with a kiss that made Baekhyun blush, they went to cross a quite wide bridge to see the Biseondae Rock closely. As they looked up, they saw some rock climbers with bulging muscles in the middle of their way scaling up above them. They watched, marveling up at the views from below.

Walking on, they went over another bridge that then turned into an elevated platform, where they had an even better view of the two pinnacles of the Biseondae Rock—the main attraction of Biseondae Trail. As they continued the hike, they were able to see the whole size of the rock formations from a distance, and of course they took pictures of them with it as the background.

The trail then led them to a particular big, steel bridge that arched over the river below. Chanyeol saw a chance for a fun time to make Baekhyun laugh when he noticed the latter was transfixed in looking at the sceneries and capturing it with his camera. He had seen Baekhyun smile and laugh for too many times to count, but somehow he just always had this strong impulse where he just wanted to make Baekhyun smile and laugh again, for it was the quintessence of his own happiness, every smile and laugh held different meaning and memories of their happy days.

Then Chanyeol walked first, holding Baekhyun’s hand as the latter craned his head up and kept his eyes on the busy spectacles in front of them: from the Biseondae rock formations, the racing of rock climbers grasping the cracks on the rocks, the slow dance of the trees’ leaves with the wind, a fleet of birds soaring up and down to the skittish squirrels running up on the trees.

Chanyeol then placed a hand across Baekhyun’s chest, stopping the latter from walking across the bridge. “Hyunnie, stop.”

At the sudden gesture, finally Baekhyun lowered his head from looking at the views high above their heads to look at Chanyeol, his face slowly morphing to show confusion while he bumped slightly into Chanyeol’s extended arm. “Why?”

Chanyeol pivoted smoothly to face Baekhyun and to hide the view ahead from the small man with his body while putting on his comical serious look. “There’s a dangerous bridge ahead, Hyunnie.”

"Yeol, please," Baekhyun chuckled a little as he tiptoed to peek above Chanyeol’s broad shoulders, trying to see what was behind Chanyeol’s tall figure. "What is it?"

“It’s settled,” Chanyeol insisted as he placed his middle finger on his right ear, trying to look like a spy receiving intelligence through his invisible earpiece. “I’ll have to carry you across the bridge.”

“Yeol, I’m not a baby,” Baekhyun’s confused look turned into an amused one as he laughed softly. “And let me remind you that I’ve hiked and went through more than that bridge—”

“Uh-oh, too bad you’re my baby,” Chanyeol shook his head vigorously, his face set in a look of a little boy refusing to eat his vegetables. Actually, the bridge they were about to cross had square holes in it that weren't big enough to stumble or slip down, but large enough to induce cold sweat at the height and sight of the enormous boulders of the river below. He knew Baekhyun had gone through more challenging terrain than the bridge but he just wanted to have a reason to make Baekhyun laugh, since it would give him a happily laughing Baekhyun, and the fact that he was the one who made Baekhyun laugh was the cherry on top. “I’ll carry you across, it’s my mission to keep my baby safe.”

Finally Baekhyun nodded as he laughed, as if he knew how stubborn Chanyeol could really be and there was no point in rejecting anyway. "Okay, let's say I let you carry me, now how? We both have full backpacks of fifty liters—"

But Chanyeol wasn’t listening to Baekhyun. He already made his way to the nearest stall owned by an old lady probably in her late sixties, showing his brightest smile at the sitting madam. “Ma’am, can I keep my backpack here for a second?”

Dashing back to a laughing Baekhyun after the madam knowingly let him place his backpack next to her table, Chanyeol crouched down, offering his now free from backpack back. “Come on, hop on my back. I'm giving you a free piggyback ride.”

Baekhyun decided to give in, crouching to position himself on Chanyeol’s back. He happily snaked his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, hugging the tall man tightly. “Alright, beware of my heavy weight.”

“What heavy weight?” Chanyeol exclaimed cheerily, and after he had Baekhyun’s legs safely hooked with his arms, he stood up, exerting all of his strength before he started walking. Truthfully, the weight of Baekhyun’s body on his back felt like a calming assurance that he had Baekhyun with him, the heat of their bodies and their joined heartbeats felt so fine. “You know how I will carry you over water and fire for your love.”

At the line, Baekhyun laughed again, with his feet dangling and nudging Chanyeol’s legs softly along the way. Then gently he took a hold on Chanyeol’s ears, acting like he was steering the direction to where Chanyeol walked. “Thank you, my knight.”

“You’re welcome, my prince.” Chanyeol replied, chuckling at the ticklish feeling of Baekhyun’s hands on his ears. “I’ll be your knight in shining armor, and I promise I’ll always arrive just in time to save your day and take you to my castle, where we’ll live together forever.”

“I’ll wait for that time, Knight Park.” Baekhyun laughed again, as he returned his arms to cling tightly on Chanyeol’s shoulders, hands squeezing Chanyeol’s cheeks playfully that earned him the tall man’s cheery laughter.

Along the way, Chanyeol enjoyed the way Baekhyun padlocked his arms around him, hugging him firmly to the point their cheeks were squished together, and the way Baekhyun’s laughter could be heard loud and crystal clear in his ears, mixing with his own laughter. With Baekhyun’s head comfortably resting on his left shoulder, their heads sticking side by side, his newly dyed phthalo blue hair under Baekhyun’s Hanwha Eagles baseball cap and in turn Baekhyun’s dark chocolate hair under Chanyeol’s Chicago White Sox baseball cap… it was heaven.

Halfway across the bridge, while chuckling and his index finger playfully poking the dimple of Chanyeol’s smile, Baekhyun piped up, “How about now, have you felt my weight? Are you going to let me down?”

“I feel nothing, you’re as light as the most delicate phoenix feather!” Chanyeol again exclaimed cheerily, like a soldier of a troop responding to their lieutenant colonel’s call, laughing as he stopped for a second to juggle Baekhyun on his back and to adjust their position. “If you're heavy, then it’s because you’re so full of love, and my heart is strong enough for you! I won’t ever let you down!”

After they had arrived at the other end of the bridge, Chanyeol let Baekhyun down and ran back to cross the bridge again. He went to the old lady’s stall, thanked her for keeping his backpack safe—blushed too at her comment that said how dedicated he was to his partner—got back his backpack and ran back again to Baekhyun, who only laughed more as he watched him. He would run anywhere no matter how far if it meant a happy Baekhyun was the one waiting for him at the end.

Suddenly he had another idea to see Baekhyun laugh again. He took Baekhyun’s hands and dragged him back to the bridge. “Hyunnie, I have something for you.”

Baekhyun smiled as he trotted behind Chanyeol, holding Chanyeol’s hand tightly. “Okay, what is it now?”

“It’s a song for you that Seoraksan whispered to me.” Chanyeol announced as he kneeled in the middle of the bridge and pulled Baekhyun’s hand to direct the small man to stand in front of him. Kneeling wasn’t easy since he had his 50L backpack full of things on his back, he wondered how Baekhyun could jump with it like it was just his lunchbox.

“Yeol?” Baekhyun could only laugh looking at Chanyeol’s antics, looking around to see the people around them started gather to watch them with amused stares. “Chanyeol, what are you doing?”

“Didn’t I tell you that on every place, every occasion I’m going to stand and proudly scream it for everyone to hear?” Chanyeol cleared his throat loudly—as if he was a soloist ready to belt out the highest note—he was never shy or embarrassed in confessing his love for Baekhyun. So when he took hold of Baekhyun’s hands, he started to sing.

_Honey you are the rock,  
Upon which I stand_

Baekhyun laughed while gesturing towards the boulders beneath their feet as he mouthed out a _those are me?_ to which Chanyeol replied with a presenting gesture towards Seoraksan’s summit. “You’re the epitome of my heart’s contentment.”

_Honey you are the sea,  
Upon which I float_

Chanyeol gestured to translucent river and its aquamarine waters below them, with its calm surface but strong current beneath it. “You’re the rise of the waves that calms my mind, the tides of love that carries me away, and the surge of happiness that fills my life.”

To that Baekhyun gave him a thumbs-up and another laughter, before he held Chanyeol’s hands again.

_The sunlight is the spotlight  
That shines upon you_

The clouds seemed to agree with Chanyeol, because as if on cue, the flock of cotton fluff floating in the sky moved aside and let the sun’s golden spotlight to shine upon the balloon of Baekhyun’s cheeks as the latter smiled fondly at him. He then rubbed Baekhyun’s hand lightly, drawing comforting circles with his thumb.

_Have I told you lately  
That I love you?_

With a smooth vibrato on the last note Chanyeol finished his song, his eyes fixed on Baekhyun’s as he kissed the back of Baekhyun’s hand, bathing in the light that shone from beaming man in front of him. He knew his lines weren’t that poetic or deep, only lines of improvisations he made just in a matter of a few minutes, but to know it managed to make Baekhyun laugh and laugh again… that was more than enough. A few people crossing the bridge smiled at them and clapped.

“Will you…” Still kneeling and holding Baekhyun’s hand, Chanyeol stared into Baekhyun’s eyes. Their current position reminded him of a question he had yet to ask, but he’d save it for some time in the future. For now, he only needed for him to keep Baekhyun right next to him, for Baekhyun to stay with him. “Will you stand by my side forever?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun replied, without a pause, his voice soft but his tone firm, determined, his eyes staring back gently into Chanyeol’s and his hand grasping the tall man’s tightly. Then he smiled so endearingly, as if he also knew what other scenario they could be having with their arrangement. “Yes I will.”

When they weren’t the center of attention anymore, Chanyeol stood up and walked closer to Baekhyun. “I love you, Hyunnie,” he said, still loud enough to make a group of girls ogling at them went squealing on how cute they were that made them laugh. Then with a wink he added, “That’s my solo showcase for you. And also, _Honey_ and _Hyunnie_ , get it?”

“I love you too, Yeol,” Baekhyun laughed. He was the first to clap and also the last one to stop clapping. “A private showcase from my own singer-songwriter. That’s totally your forte, I love it. Thank you, _yeobo_.”

It took a minute for Chanyeol’s mind to register the last word Baekhyun said to him. “Hyunnie—”

“That’s right, _yeobo_ , my darling. It goes along well with _Yeol_ , right? My _Yeobo_ Yeol,” Baekhyun said with a small smile as he walked away from an in awe and very impressed Chanyeol. “My darling Yeol.”

Chanyeol thought he had let out all his might to woo Baekhyun, but then there he was with his whole figure melting just from a word that Baekhyun said to him. Baekhyun really had _that_ powerful impact on him… Coming back from his daze, he saw the way Baekhyun tried to hide his blushing cheeks by turning around, and in time he had an idea.

“Hey, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol called cheerily, promptly patting Baekhyun’s shoulder with quick taps.

On the third tap on his shoulder, Baekhyun turned around. And even though he tried to cover it, his soft red blush was still adorning his cheeks prominently complete with a shy smile. “What is it, Yeol?”

“It’s summer isn’t it, Hyunnie?” Chanyeol faked a searching look towards their left and right, putting his flattened hand over his eyes as a shield in a position similar to saluting someone as he did so.

Baekhyun’s face was set in a way that screamed _what game are we playing now?_ complete with a thoroughly amused smile. After a minute passed of them trying to press down their chuckles and Chanyeol who seemed he wouldn’t give up, he replied, “Yeol.”

Keeping his feigned innocence, Chanyeol repeated his question with now his hand curved next to his right ear, which he placed next to Baekhyun’s mouth, acting as if he only heard the small man saying something faintly. “It’s summer, isn’t it, Hyunnie?”

Grinning as if he knew something was up, Baekhyun finally decided to give the answer Chanyeol wanted and see what would happen. “Yes, it’s summer, Yeol.”

“But tell me something, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol replied, smiling with a genuine interest into Baekhyun’s face as he moved his head closer to Baekhyun’s. He could see the pinkish blush more prominent in Baekhyun’s cheeks in his shy smile.

“Tell you what?” Baekhyun was chuckling now at how close his face and Chanyeol’s was, effectively enlarging the bulge of his cheeks.

Smoothly, Chanyeol placed his hand on Baekhyun’s cheek and felt the way it grew warmer as he caressed it gently. “It’s summer, but why are your lovely cheeks are as vermilion red as maple leaves in autumn?”

At the cheesy one liner, Baekhyun laughed out loudly to the point he had to hold onto Chanyeol’s arms to stop him from falling to the ground. Then as he straightened himself, he placed the back of his hand on Chanyeol’s forehead, face scrunched as if he was checking Chanyeol’s temperature. “Are you okay?” He chuckled, hands moving to stretch Chanyeol’s eyelids open, just like a doctor. “You’ve been making me smile and laugh so much for three consecutive times without a single fail, and I’ve said _what is it now?_ out of surprise and amusement for three, amazing times already, Yeol.”

“You know the way the sun peeking from an array of clouds? That’s how your laugh is.” Chanyeol replied, both hands now cradling Baekhyun’s face to cup Baekhyun’s cheeks, gently caressing the light pinkish skin. He wasn’t done with his mission to make Baekhyun smiling and laughing happily.

With his hands gripping gently on both sides of Chanyeol’s waist, Baekhyun put on his thinking face, looking as if he was imagining the sun on his mind. Then a moment later, as if knowing what Chanyeol was trying to do, he let out a small smile. “Okay, explain.”

“Look, look! It’s coming!” Chanyeol exclaimed, delighted at the sight of Baekhyun’s smile. “When you smile, first will come the suns of your cheeks.” He said as he softly rubbed Baekhyun’s cheeks with his thumbs.

Both the words Chanyeol said and the touches of Chanyeol’s hands made Baekhyun’s smile get wider, showing the perfect arch of his teeth. “And?”

“Then your brightly shining smile comes into show next.” Chanyeol pointed out, smiling himself as he could feel the rise of Baekhyun’s cheeks on his palms, could see the muted pink that colored the skin turned into rich red and the wide smile turning into a grin.

Amused, Baekhyun let out a hearty laugh as he grabbed both of Chanyeol’s hands softly to feel the tall man’s touches more, squeezing it gently. “Yeol, please.”

Chanyeol ignored the last remark Baekhyun gave and focused more on Baekhyun’s laugh. Grinning, he continued, “And all of it is topped with your radiant laugh that becomes the soundtrack of my life and the twinkle of your crinkling eyes that lights my days.” This time his thumbs moved up to rub the creases beside Baekhyun’s eyes lovingly.

That made Baekhyun laugh out yet again, with his hands pulling Chanyeol’s down just so he could close their distance and wrap his arms around Chanyeol’s waist, cheek touching Chanyeol’s chest and head resting just right on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Thank you so much, Yeol. For making me laugh and smile always.”

“Thank you so much too, Hyunnie. For bringing happiness to me by laughing and smiling always.” Chanyeol replied, his heart contented and mood lifted up so high at the sight of a happily laughing Baekhyun in front of him—it was all he wanted to witness for the rest of his life. Then he laughed along with Baekhyun, couldn’t help to stop himself with Baekhyun’s laugh being so contagious, as he finally laced his arms around Baekhyun’s shoulders to pull the small man into a hug.

After they finished laughing, taking photos of them smiling and done examining Biseondae Rock with its climbers, they went back to the main point of Biseondae’s trail.

In front of them there was a fork in the road to which hikers could continue their journey if they chose to, it would lead them ascend quickly up the rocky and difficult terrain to further explore Seoraksan’s beauty. 

Arms spread wide to lay out their map, Baekhyun checked their next route on it. “Yeol, look at this trail leading to the cave! Let’s go for a detour!”

Interested, Chanyeol walked closer to stand behind Baekhyun and check the map. The trail Baekhyun showed and wanted to hike would lead them to the Geumganggul Cave. He smiled at the sight of Baekhyun pulling out his pleading face while smiling sweetly at him. “Alright, we can go see the cave.”

Baekhyun’s eyes brightened again, like a seven years old kid allowed to stay up late to watch midnight movies. “Let’s get away from the crowds for a bit, shall we?” He took Chanyeol’s hand and smiled again at Chanyeol.

Absolutely having no intention to be cheesy, Chanyeol could testify his energy got charged three hundred percent from just that, and again it showed how powerful Baekhyun’s smile and the touch of Baekhyun’s hand were.

They continued walking, this time following the new trail and left the even grounds. Rocks started to show itself, the trees in their left and right grew thicker, and they found themselves in front of another set of stairs up the huge Seoraksan boulders.

The red colored set of metal stairs were even steeper than the ones they climbed to Ulsanbawi, the angulation almost at forty-five degrees. The first 800 meters of the stairs was very rocky and very steep, making it more challenging. But they gritted their teeth and held on the rickety and rusty railings, they just had to keep going—and it wasn’t that hard as again they reminisce the time when Baekhyun recited for him Mrs. Browning’s poem, laughing as they stepped their feet up steadily.

The views of the valley under them as they escalated higher, the misty clouds that started to find its way to them, and the steep cliffs next to them were incredible, it all worked as a motivational push for them to keep going up. They carefully kept their eyes on their footing, as once in a while their eyes wandered, soaking the views in. Baekhyun’s untiring smiles, words of encouragement and grips on his hands, made Chanyeol want to climb more stairs and hike more mountains just to see it again.

After a while, they made it to a little platform-type area that served as a good resting spot for a couple of minutes. They took some photos together, posing as always with wide smiles, winking eyes and proud look on their face. Looking down, even though it was dizzying, the views were amazing as they see more of the valley swarmed by the green trees, the tiny houses and villages below, the Biseondae trail they left, and the riverbed where the river stream flowed. Looking up, the salient, steep cliffs were more embossed and they met another group of athletic looking rock climbers getting their gears ready.

Stopping for a while to lean against the stairs’ railing, Baekhyun took a deep breath. Then slowly he rotated his body to take in all the views. “It’s breathtaking, isn’t it, Yeol?”

“The stairs?” Chanyeol panted, as he drew some breath after trying to catch up with Baekhyun. But this time, he wouldn’t surrender easily to the intimidating stairs, as again Mrs. Browning’s poem read in Baekhyun’s voice alongside the lines of Baekhyun’s love for him filled his mind and became his source of strength that helped him. “Yeah, they were really merciless, I had to make a few stops to catch my breath—”

After they stared at each other for a split of second, Baekhyun spontaneously cracked up, his body shaking from his laughter to the point he had to hold on to the metal railing to stabilize himself. “The _views_ , Yeol. The views, not the stairs.”

Chanyeol belted out a loud _oh!_ , realizing his silly mistake as he smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, that too, hundred times over. Of course.”

Then after sorting his breath, Chanyeol had an idea. As he walked over to stand next to Baekhyun, also leaning to the metal railing, cheekily he added, “Views of you, right? Very breathtakingly beautiful, then.”

“Yeol, please,” Baekhyun laughed more, as he nudged Chanyeol’s forearm playfully with his elbow. “ _The mountains’_ views, Yeol. Not me.”

“Of course, you too, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol replied right away. Seeing Baekhyun’s laugh was really Chanyeol’s number one source of stamina, the thing that truly took his breath away—in a good way, of course, unlike the stairs. He would do anything to keep Baekhyun laughing. “You’re beautiful and I won’t have it any other way.”

“Then you are too, Yeol,” Baekhyun smiled fondly, hands reaching up to take off his Hanwha Eagles baseball cap that Chanyeol was wearing to comb the hair gently with his fingers before putting it back on. Then when he saw Chanyeol shaking his head, with his mouth open and about to protest, he shut Chanyeol up with a kiss on the lips as he chuckled and mirrored what the tall man said. “You are breathtakingly beautiful and I also won’t have it any other way.”

Completely love struck, while he touched his lips and felt his cheeks heating up, there was only one thought on his mind. How Chanyeol loved Baekhyun, so much.

After the last sturdy steps up the steep stairs and rocks, they made it to the Geumganggul Cave. The cave was actually quite small despite it was located inside a big boulder. There was nothing much to see inside but a stand selling some stuff, and also a small well with some natural spring water. So they decided to dip in their bottles and filled it with the soothing cold water to the brim.

Looking outside, it felt like opening a window at the highest floor of a tall building, with height that could induce vertigo. The view of fused blue of the higher parts of Seoraksan with the green of the hills of forests in their summer peak below so vivid and calming that would make anyone wanted to stay for a long time. There they could see the ridge of other Seoraksan’s lower peaks, its big boulders carved beautifully by the hands of nature, with the strong current of winds and rain as its chisel.

They sat on the rocks near the edge of the cave’s entrance, overlooking the second-to-none views outside. Probably it was the water percolating inside the walls of the cave that made the atmosphere inside to be quite cool and slightly damp in a pleasing way. It was really quiet as there were few people that chose a detour to hike up the steep stairs with such an acute angle, only purling sounds of the natural spring flowing, and the cool wind that sometimes blew over them like a medley that served as their background music.

“Yeol,” Baekhyun said after a while. To that Chanyeol hummed, and he continued, “Time seems to stand still here, with the views in front of me, the calming ambience, and you sitting next to me. It’s almost like I no longer know if it’s two or five in the afternoon…” He trailed off.

Even though Chanyeol knew to be at a place so serene with Baekhyun right beside him was to be at a place he could truly felt safe, he could also see a gap for a little joke. “But you have your watch right here, Hyunnie,” he pointed out, tapping the watch on Baekhyun’s left wrist as he tried as much as he could to hold back his laughter. “And it’s _three_ in the afternoon, by the way.”

“Park Chanyeol—” Baekhyun gasped, eyes opened wide and there was a slight offended, disbelieving look mixed with a shy smile on his face, as he tried to hide his embarrassed chuckle.

“Kidding, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol said as he laughed out loud, enjoying the red hue that started to flare up on Baekhyun’s face as he hugged the small man, who was currently chuckling while sulking and trying to fight his way out of the embrace. “To me time and motion stop as I am with you also. I love you.”

Baekhyun wouldn’t relent and kept on battling the strong arms of Chanyeol, who seemed to unable to stop his laughter. But at the end he laughed along, let himself to be engulfed in Chanyeol’s hug and replied, “I love you too.”

Eventually as the time neared half past three at the afternoon, they headed back down the set of stairs that somehow the new perspective from up above turned it to be more terrifying to look at, and they had to grip on the railings on both sides to balance their steps. Thankfully the unending, unblemished views of the lush green mountains spread out below helped them to brush off the fear. At four in the afternoon sharp they managed to safely and successfully hopped all the way down the stairs, and they sighed in relief to be able to step their foot on the flatter terrain of the Biseondae trail.

They traced back their steps along the Biseondae trail and arrived back at Seorak-dong a little bit in the evening before they went back to the campgrounds where they had put up their tent. They packed all of their things and unassembled their tent, preparing for the next day trip to scale Seoraksan’s summit, the 1708 meters high of Daecheongbong Peak. 

To get there, they chose to start their hike up from a tiny town called Osaek-ri. It was located at the southern part of Seoraksan National Park and it also served as the park’s other entrance. It was a popular entrance to the people because it was where people could access quickly the peak and the town had a tourist attraction in form of mineral springs originated from Seoraksan.

So after they finished gathering everything back into Chanyeol’s truck, they found themselves driving to Osaek-ri. They intended to camp the night somewhere at the town and luckily even with them forgetting to make a reservation, they somehow found a nice old man who offered his yard for them to camp at with a quite cheap price. The place was indeed five kilometers from their next trailhead, but they were grateful enough to find a place to camp at the first place.

After putting up their canvas tent a few meters away from the river at the makeshift campground and settling their belongings inside, they realized even though their position was quite far from the Osaek-ri entrance and mineral spring source, they were still able to pull out its merits. The old man’s property was beautifully situated away from the busy road and in the thick of the valleys’ forests, giving the feelings that they had all the spacious, open place just for themselves.

Apparently they weren’t the only one staying there, since as the night went on, five more groups came along and set their tents. Baekhyun, being his ever-friendly self, talked with some of the people camping out next to them while Chanyeol cooked pasta, instant rice, and ramen noodles on their kettle and cooking pot. 

They all agreed to build a campfire around the circle of their tents and they chatted around the warm fire during dinner, exchanging food and stories of their hike. After their pots were empty and laughter was replaced with long, tired yawns, the neighbors said their goodbyes and entered their own tents.

Seeing how Baekhyun’s bright smile seemed to never leave his face throughout the day, Chanyeol felt so happy. And it was intensified by the way Baekhyun excitedly told their camping neighbors about their beginner-hiking journey, all the while praising Chanyeol who had helped him prepare for the trip, drove them to places, cooked food for him, and stayed by his side throughout the entire time. 

But Chanyeol’s favorite was probably when one of the hikers asked Baekhyun whether Chanyeol was his husband, and when Baekhyun thought he wasn’t looking, he witnessed the small man shyly replying with a soft _soon, I hope_ and a fond smile on his face.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun went to sleep only after they finished talking about them looking up at the higher peaks and thinking what views they would see from the largest peak Seoraksan had to offer over their mugs of hot chocolate, and did a quick wash at public restrooms near them. Much fresher and cleaner, they finally lay down inside their half zipped sleeping bags, side by side.

“Yeol, look!” Baekhyun said, pointing up through a box of transparent plastic screen of their tent to the sky. “There, on your left. A thin crescent moon is lined up far to the lower right of Regulus, the brightest star in Leo’s constellation. Somewhere, just off the right edge of the picture, there should be Saturn and Mars. If you look farther to the right of the moon, you’ll find Pollux and Castor, the brightest stars as the heads of the Gemini twins’ constellation.”

“It’s beautiful, Hyunnie. I almost forgot how much you love memorizing the parts of the sky,” Chanyeol chuckled as he listened to Baekhyun reciting from memory the names of the sky’s occupants while observing the part of the sky Baekhyun pointed at. It was like every day he learned new things from Baekhyun, whose mind seemed to be so brilliant he absorbed everything he saw and read. He wondered how. “How do you—”

“It’s not that hard,” Baekhyun said, cutting Chanyeol short. Then he let out his lopsided grin, which somehow, in its own way, was perfect copy of Chanyeol’s. “I remember the sky just like the way I remember you. I observe the sky just like the way I take hours watching you sleep and witness the two suns in my life rise every morning. Waking up beside you and seeing the sun shining through the windows to fall on your sleeping face… even though by nature I memorized every face features of yours that I love very much even better than the stars.”

“You are my sky,” Baekhyun continued, chuckling lightly when he saw how Chanyeol just couldn’t find any word for the reply he gave. As his hands tiptoed its way on Chanyeol’s face to touch lightly every feature of Chanyeol’s face, he added, “I see the wonders of the world through your eyes. I see the stars in the glint of joy you bring into my life in your eyes. I see the sun’s shine and the moon’s light in your smiles. I feel the sun’s warmth in your presence. I see the clouds that provide shade and comfort from the sun in the way your arms are always protecting me. I see the sky in you—just like the sky that I’ll find anytime and anywhere I look up, I know you’re always there for me.”

The words Baekhyun said were the one that attested the truth of Chanyeol’s statement that Baekhyun was his sky too. Just like the sky that was always up there above him, keeping watch over him, always there wherever he went, always there be it day or night, teardrops raining down or sun shining bright… Baekhyun was always there with him. 

“And if we see up above and beyond the sky…” Baekhyun mused, this time he directed his eyes from Chanyeol’s eyes to stare back up through the square transparent part of their tent to look back at the view the night sky was offering for them. “If you gaze far into the space, you’ll see how they let us catch a glimpse of the faraway stars, a little peek of something bigger—the universe.”

“A little peek of the universe…” Chanyeol said almost distractedly as he finally found his voice again, still completely lost in the gleam of Baekhyun’s eyes. Then he craned his neck a little bit to observe the same region of sky Baekhyun pointed, his head touching Baekhyun’s. Sky watching with Baekhyun was always his favorite, with Baekhyun telling him stories of the place beyond the earth’s atmosphere, resembling a connoisseur explaining the painting the planets and the bright matters made for them. “That actually reminds me of something.”

“Reminds you of what?” Baekhyun replied, yawning wide as he blinked slowly with drowsiness hanging heavy on his eyelids.

“There’s as many atoms in a single molecule of your DNA as there are stars in the typical galaxy,” Chanyeol said, smiling at the sight of the roar his sleepy little lion cub let out. He couldn’t resist reaching out his hand to touch Baekhyun’s cheeks gently, which earned him a contented scrunched face from the small man. “We are, each of us, a little universe.”

The words seemed to arouse something in Baekhyun’s brain, since suddenly his eyes blinked twice as fast, wide open, as he grabbed Chanyeol’s hand and turned his body to face Chanyeol. “Oh my god—Yeol—but those are—”

“The words of Carl Sagan, from his 1980 book, _Cosmos_?” Chanyeol cut easily, his lopsided smirk visible under the soft moonlight filtering into their tent. “Yes.”

It seemed like the details Chanyeol told him only made Baekhyun more surprised and simply amused, since a wide smile started to crawl its way to his face alongside his wide opened eyes. “But Yeol that’s—”

“Your favorite quote from one of your favorite book?” Chanyeol cut again, now nodding and grinning at Baekhyun as his arms now found their way from his sleeping bag to pull Baekhyun closer to him before wrapping them around Baekhyun’s body. “Yes.”

With amusement and wonder bold in his eyes, Baekhyun could only chuckle at how Chanyeol always managed to cut his sentences and finished it correctly. Even so, his body automatically responded to Chanyeol’s arms by scooting closer and placing his head to rest on Chanyeol’s bicep. “But how do you remember—”

“I always remember what your favorites are, and the things you said to me, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol cut yet again, now chuckling along with Baekhyun. He felt so happy to see his impromptu surprise made the little man’s face lit brighter than the moon above them. “Every detail, every word… I keep it all. I keep _you_ deep in my heart.”

“Yeol… I’m just… how do I say it? These are really your magic, the things you speak and how true you are to your words…” Baekhyun said, as he exchanged his chuckle with a fond smile, his soft, sleepy voice sounding like he was utterly amazed, eyes staring long into Chanyeol’s. Then his hand sneaked up to set aside a strand of Chanyeol’s fringe before moving to caress Chanyeol’s cheek. “Just like the way you resemble the brightest star in the night sky… this, I guess, is to tell you why you’re chosen out from the rest.”

Anytime was the perfect time to confess his love for Baekhyun in Chanyeol’s opinion. With their heads so close, his face warmed by Baekhyun’s gentle touches, and his sight full of Baekhyun’s soft features smiling at him, what else he could do? “Don’t you know that whenever I’m with you… I found out that there’s always magic everywhere? I remember Mr. Sagan’s quote because you mentioned the universe for me. So at the end, for what you just called is my magic, it’s all you from the start.”

“All for you, Yeol,” Baekhyun replied, with this time his fingers slowly working their way down to rest on Chanyeol’s chest. Then his chuckle was back to accompany his fond smile as he played along. “Magicians, we are—”

Anytime was also the perfect time to make Baekhyun laugh, and Chanyeol would do anything for that. So in the tune of _Rock A Bye Baby_ he softly sang, “And our love’s our spell, into your irresistible eyes I fell, and in your heart I happily dwell, as I promise you I will treat you well—”

For the impromptu appearance of his favorite singer, Baekhyun burst out laughing, his hand reaching up again to gently pinch Chanyeol’s cheek. “Thank you for the song haiku, Yeol.”

“Welcome, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol replied as he unwrapped his free arm from Baekhyun’s body just to pull Baekhyun’s head in for quick kiss. Another loud ring of Baekhyun’s laugh followed after they parted, and it was all Chanyeol needed.

Like magic, even under the dim illumination of their headlamp hung outside their tent, Chanyeol could see how Baekhyun’s eyes once again showing a perfect replica of the crescent moon, and the way the dark mahogany irises became the evening sky with its map of early stars of its own under the moonlight—that the onyx sky above them tried so hard to recreate but never could—for it was only in Baekhyun’s eyes the magic could work. “So, just like what Mr. Sagan said… in a way, you’re my little universe.”

“Thank you, Yeol, for being my little universe too,” Baekhyun whispered, his eyes fluttering to close, his hands slipping out from his sleeping bag to find its way to hug Chanyeol, clinging tightly. With his head snuggling into the crook of Chanyeol’s neck and nose nudging Chanyeol’s jugular vein ever so slightly, again he whispered, “But really, you are better than any matter living in the far away sky because I have you with me, right next to me. I love you so much.”

With the warmth Chanyeol felt all over his body from both the sentence Baekhyun said that meant so much for him and the way Baekhyun’s body was almost melted into his, he smiled as again he circled his arms around Baekhyun to hug him back just as tight. 

He was about to reply to Baekhyun, to say how he too loved him so much, but then he realized the small man was already asleep. So he opted to watch Baekhyun for a while as his little universe once or twice scrunched his nose and pouted in his sleep. And at the end, when he felt drowsiness started to take over, he kissed Baekhyun’s forehead gently.

As he slowly closed his eyes, he couldn’t help but think that so far it was a great first day of hiking Seoraksan with Baekhyun, but he couldn’t wait for the next day that sure would be the most challenging.

Then Chanyeol opened his eyes, and he saw himself wearing a suit, Baekhyun next to him also in his suit. They were smiling, walking arm in arm.

“Yeo-o-ol.”

Chanyeol was annoyed, who was calling him? Even dared to call him using only his nickname that only Baekhyun was allowed to use? He was happily carrying Baekhyun on his arms, as the guests of their wedding threw wild rhododendron flower petals on them as they hiked… Up the rocky aisle… To the top of Daecheongbong Peak… What?

“Yeol.”

This someone couldn’t stop calling him from the side of the aisle, and it only peeved him more. But wait… The person sounded like Baekhyun… Wait—Chanyeol looked down. Baekhyun wasn’t on his arms anymore? He was carrying him a second ago, where was he—

“Chanyeol.”

This time as he opened one of his eyes for real, revealed to him was Baekhyun’s face floating in front of his. Chanyeol never thought he would find an angel in the depth of Seoraksan.

Baekhyun poked Chanyeol’s cheek gently, smiling. “Mr. Park Chanyeol.”

 _Ah_. Chanyeol was back from the dreamland, he was sleeping at the tent and it was already the morning judging by the cheery chirps of the birds outside. He swore he went to sleep only one second ago… But maybe fatigue from yesterday’s burnout had unfairly shortened his sleeping time. He rose up to seat himself in front of a squatting Baekhyun. “Hyunnie—”

“Morning sleepy head, rise and shine!” Baekhyun singsonged, hands now brushing Chanyeol’s fringe. “We have an appointment with the seventh highest peak in all of South Korea today.”

Chanyeol chuckled as he closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the touch of Baekhyun’s dainty fingers on his forehead. “Morning, baby.”

“Wow, that’s new, what happened to _Hyunnie, five more minutes please I’m so sleepy_?” Baekhyun gasped, faking a horrified look as he playfully acted like he was searching for someone beneath Chanyeol’s sleeping bag. “Who are you and what have you done with my Sleepy Chanyeol?”

“Nothing,” Chanyeol laughed, as he remembered his dream of marrying the beautiful man with his ruffled bed hair in front of him, which was induced by the same man’s saying last night about him wanting him to be his husband soon, in the future. He also loved that extra _my_ Baekhyun used. “Just excited to beat that 1708 meters summit with you is all.”

Now it was Baekhyun’s turn to laugh. Then he tugged on the sleeve of Chanyeol’s jersey, trying to drag him up. “Come on, it’s six in the morning. Let’s go then.”

They went out of their tent at the same time as their neighbors, said their hello and discussed their next plan as they ate their breakfast of hot instant cereals, bottled orange juice, and apples. After that they packed their tent and their camping gears into their own cars or trucks. Chanyeol loaded his and Baekhyun’s belongings to his truck, with Baekhyun tidying up the remnants of their camp, collecting their trashes. Soon, they were on the road, driving to the Osaek-ri entrance.

The drive was like their usual drive, with all of Chanyeol’s truck windows rolled down and the stereo playing their favorite songs. They were listening to their lengthy playlist that contained songs they both took a liking to, and currently The Drifters were singing for them their 1962 rhythm and soul song _Up On The Roof_.

Then as the song reached its last outro note, Baekhyun lowered the volume of the stereo before he piped up. “You know, Yeol, my favorite reason of why I love hiking and the idea of reaching mountains’ summit?”

“No,” Chanyeol asked, as he turned on the side lamp to indicate the car behind him he was going to turn left into the road that led to the Osaek-ri entrance. Then he glanced over to look at Baekhyun’s face. “Why?”

Smiling as he caught Chanyeol’s eyes, Baekhyun replied, “One of the feels induced by being up there when we reached the highest peak of the Ulsanbawi ridge reminds me of our days spending lots of our time together and of us confessing our love at our dorm’s rooftop. I think being in high places has turned into what I think as my safest places where I have you with me, just like being back up on the roof. So I know standing on the summit with you… it’ll be the best thing ever that has happened to me.”

The smile and the sentences were more than enough for Chanyeol to vow to himself that he would take Baekhyun to every mountain summit—even more than that, he would take Baekhyun wherever he wanted to if it meant for him to have his Baekhyun happy. Smiling back at Baekhyun, he took Baekhyun’s left hand, gently rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb and replied, “I promise I’ll take you to any summit, to wherever you want to go.”

“Wherever you are is where I want to go, Yeol.” Baekhyun chuckled as he intertwined their fingers together, with his thumb softly rubbing Chanyeol’s.

“Then I’ll stay with you,” Chanyeol settled, tightening his grip on Baekhyun’s hand as he brought the hand into his chest, near his heart. “I promise.”

To the promise and the feel of Chanyeol’s heartbeat on the back of his hand that seemed to convey the promise as well… Baekhyun had only one reply. “And with you I’ll stay too… forever.”

The reply of reassurance was more than enough for Chanyeol. So then as he drove with one hand on the steering wheel, he brought his other hand that was holding Baekhyun’s up close to his mouth before kissing the back of Baekhyun’s hand softly, eliciting a soft chuckle from the small man.

Shortly after they had arrived at Osaek-ri Ranger Station, they split up the tasks. Chanyeol parked his truck and Baekhyun checked the trail map he took from the information center, tracing their route for their last day of hiking.

“Yeol, here we are, our start point in Osaek-ri. Then for the rest it’ll be easy, we’ll just have to go along this five kilometers trail up to Daecheongbong Peak,” Baekhyun explained to Chanyeol after the latter had finished parking the truck and paid the tickets. Then he pointed his index finger on the map, tracing said trail. “But for our way down, should we just go back in the same trail or—”

“Let’s do a detour,” Chanyeol quickly suggested an idea, knowing how Baekhyun would very much like a detour to cover as much as Seoraksan National Park as possible. Besides, he loved seeing that bright smile on Baekhyun’s face, he would accompany the small man to hike even the highest mountain in the world to make it stay that way. Then he pointed at a trail on the map Baekhyun was holding. “We should take a turn to this left trail right here and complete the six kilometers ridge over to Hangyeryeongsamgeori Point.”

Baekhyun could only stare in wonder at Chanyeol as if the tall man rightly pointed out what he had in mind, and he was silent for a moment before he smiled fondly and finished Chanyeol’s words. “And then another left turn for 2.3 kilometers down the mountain to Hangyeryong Resting Place.”

“And we can take a bus or find a taxi to get back to my truck back at Osaek-ri.” Chanyeol added, feeling elated at the mixture of awe and happiness in Baekhyun’s face, since he managed to pick the exact trail Baekhyun wanted to select despite there were three other trail options.

After they were done deciding the route and Chanyeol slipped the folded map into his backpack again, with his hands folded on his chest and an amused look on his face, Baekhyun spoke again. “Did you read my mind, Yeol?”

“No, knowing you better more than anyone else in the world is all.” Chanyeol replied, smirking as he mirrored Baekhyun’s stance.

“Yeol, stop being such a flirt.” Baekhyun laughed, half joking half retaliating, with his cheeks redder than cherries, a contrast against the pale palette of the dawning morning.

“What? In fact I do love you more and better than anyone else!” Chanyeol replied, grinning cheekily as he gave a feathery touch on Baekhyun’s cheek, happy that his words managed to make Baekhyun’s laugh grew louder.

Still laughing, they finally started walking towards the park’s entrance, again with their 50L backpacks in haul. The beginning of the trail was being nice to them, showing them smooth, flat grounds, short sets of stairs connecting some parts of the higher boulders, wooden bridges over little river valleys, all in the while giving ways for them to walk amongst tall and abundant green trees.

Then after thirty minutes of easy walk, the trail in front of them led into a very steep stair-climbing effort that stretched as far as a kilometer up. Baekhyun walked to the first step of the stairs and sat himself down.

At first Chanyeol sighed at _yet_ another set of stairs he had to go through, but after he saw the momentary tired look on Baekhyun’s face his attention was immediately focused on Baekhyun only. So instantly as he sat himself next to Baekhyun, he offered his water bottle, opening the cap for the small man. “Hyunnie, are you okay?”

As he scooted closer to Chanyeol’s body, Baekhyun smiled a little. Then he took the bottle from Chanyeol’s hands and took a small gulp. “I’m okay, Yeol. I just—I just want to take more time absorbing the scene.”

Even though Baekhyun already said his reason, adeptly Chanyeol knew that Baekhyun needed some time to rest. As always this was another time Baekhyun showed this side of him that liked to keep things all by himself when he didn’t want to make people worry about him. So he let Baekhyun rest for ten minutes, draping his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder as the small man closed his eyes and leaned his body onto his, with the ensemble of buzzing bees and chirping pigeons waking up in the morning served as their own private orchestra.

As he was keeping an eye on Baekhyun, Chanyeol had an idea. So after the ten minutes count is up, slowly he let go of his arm before he stood up in front of Baekhyun and held out his hand, bowing slightly like a prince asking for a dance to the still sitting Baekhyun, who looked much more relaxed now. “Come on, it’s okay. We can do this. Besides, I know you can do this. Take my hand, we’ll go together.”

With the small smile turning into a wide one, Baekhyun took Chanyeol’s hands, and let himself to be pulled upright and taken into a bear hug by Chanyeol. “I think I’m familiar with that line, Yeol.”

“It’s my turn to offer my hand,” Chanyeol announced as he snaked his arms, properly circling Baekhyun’s body and the backpack he was wearing—their 50L hiking backpacks surely didn’t hinder them from hugging each other—to have the small man nestling into his embrace. He was glad his tactic to use the words Baekhyun said for him made Baekhyun smile wider. Then he whispered close to Baekhyun’s ears, “Do I look like Peter Pan from Neverland yet?”

As Baekhyun extended his arms to circle Chanyeol’s waist and hide himself under Chanyeol’s arms, he laughed at the mention of the free-spirited and mischievous young boy who could fly and never grew up that he just realized really resembled Chanyeol. Then with a curious look and an amused smile on his face, he loosened their hug for a while to check on Chanyeol’s face. “What happened to my Sleepy Chanyeol?”

Still keeping his arms around Baekhyun’s shoulders, Chanyeol let out his charming smirk and recited his vow that the Ulsanbawi ridge stood witness to. “Told you I’d hike, walk, climb whatever wherever you want to go if I get to hold your hands.”

“In the depth of Seoraksan I really found my own Peter Pan,” Baekhyun enthused over Chanyeol’s words, running his hands on Chanyeol’s back. Then he let his arms fall, hands moving to cup Chanyeol’s cheeks before he squeezed it lovingly. “But give me back my Sleepy baby Chanyeol!”

The term of endearment Baekhyun used made Chanyeol laugh. Checking his watch and seeing it was just seven in the morning, he said, “You know what, Hyunnie. Maybe the spirits haunting the steep stairs got into you,” then he made an _Ooooh_ -ing sounds while wiggling his hands in front of their faces. “Spooky, isn’t it?”

As Baekhyun replied with a _very spooky indeed, Yeol_ , he laughed at the funny gestures Chanyeol was making and that was all he wanted to see. Then, as he hugged back and rubbed Baekhyun’s body to gather more warmth for them, he got another idea to cheer Baekhyun more.

“I have something for you,” Chanyeol proclaimed, this was him trying to give back for Baekhyun’s help yesterday, for Baekhyun’s extended hand and Baekhyun’s sweet rendition of Mrs. Browning’s poem that gave him what he needed to keep on walking, and in fact, to do anything that can bring more smiles for them. “This is my Peter Pan’s pixie dust to help you.”

With a confused puppy look on his face, from under Chanyeol’s hug, Baekhyun tilted his head slightly upwards to look at the tall man. “Yeol?”

Only smiling and not giving an answer, Chanyeol started to sing Elvis Presley’s 1961 pop ballad _Can’t Help Falling In Love_ , complete with a really good imitation of the American rock ‘n’ roll singer’s perfect rock baritone voice and signature smirk.

_Wise men say  
Only fools rush in  
But I can’t help falling in love with you_

After hearing the first note Chanyeol sang for him, there was a light bulb of recognition turned on in Baekhyun’s eyes that seemed to travel across his face, bringing a bright glow onto it, along with a small smile. Then as he scooted closer to Chanyeol, he hummed along with Chanyeol’s singing, harmonizing their voices with his body swaying along to the tune.

Sensing the way Baekhyun’s body was moving along with his, Chanyeol then clipped Baekhyun’s chin to bring Baekhyun’s head closer to his. After he saw the line of Baekhyun’s mouth curled up into a much broader smile, he moved his fingers to caress Baekhyun’s delicate jawline before ending to cup Baekhyun’s cheeks with both of his hands. He could see the way the look of confusion morphed into a warm, fond look with all of the small man’s soft features coming up to the surface—a smile blooming wide on Baekhyun’s face, the morning’s sunshine that flitted through the leaves into Baekhyun’s eyes embellished its irises’ dark mahogany color to resemble smoky brown quartz gemstones, and how Baekhyun’s cheeks were rising up step by step before it arrived to its full plumpness, the pink tinge of warmth restored. 

“Mr. Presley,” Baekhyun finally said as he closed his eyes and scrunched his pointed nose in delight at Chanyeol’s touches on his face while listening to the tall man, who was now humming along the melody of the song with him. “He reminds me of the way I love—”

“Of the way you love singing me to sleep with Mr. Presley’s love songs as lullabies? Yes,” Chanyeol replied right away. It was another Baekhyun thing when he was helping him to go to the dreamland—singing him their favorite songs, reading him books, or even reciting his favorite poems. 

But still, the one Baekhyun thing that helped him to sleep the most until this day was still listening to Baekhyun’s heartbeat. “But for now, it’s my time to sing you one of Mr. Presley’s songs, to help you to climb to the top of the world,” then he laughed, “And of course, to find just any reason to be able to tell you how much I love you.”

“Alright, let’s hear the magic and the love you have for me, then.” Baekhyun laughed along, using the same word Chanyeol used to call the poem time they had during the stairs climb to reach Ulsanbawi’s ridge. Then he placed his hand on top Chanyeol’s that was still holding his face, intertwining their fingers while sighing contentedly at the warm touch.

Having all the attention of a laughing Baekhyun for himself, Chanyeol smiled as he softly continued his singing.

_Shall I stay?  
Would it be a sin?  
If I can’t help falling in love with you_

Gently Chanyeol’s hands slid down from Baekhyun’s cheeks, caressing Baekhyun’s arms as he did so, to grip on Baekhyun’s hands. Then he brought Baekhyun around to circle the ground slowly, with the swirling clouds around them looking just like white linens hanging from the sky and blown softly by the wind, accompanying their movements.

“All that my heart knows is to love you and all my mind can think about is you. If all that I have to do on earth is to walk on my own, then what a lone poor shoe I am, don’t you think?” Chanyeol said, thinking out loud as he took a glance at their feet—as simple as it was he still admired the way Baekhyun’s feet following wherever his feet stepped onto while they were dancing slowly around, and listening to the swishing of the tree leaves blew by the wind in their ears and to Mr. Presley’s song in their mind. “I want to walk in two, with you as my pair.”

“It feels so good.” Baekhyun replied, after a moment of him only staring at Chanyeol’s eyes, with a look on his own dark mahogany orbs saying as if he was mulling over Chanyeol’s words and his smile turning into a chuckle.

“What does?” Chanyeol asked while smiling amusedly and looking back into Baekhyun’s eyes, which always seemed as if it was holding the secret of the universe behind the irises. This time slowly he stepped back, gently pulling the small man to step forward and follow him while still keeping their hands holding each other’s.

“To find you and me in everyday life, just like you said,” Baekhyun chuckled as he stepped forward, letting Chanyeol to carry him around while looking down to their moving feet—laughing when they had an impromptu game of trying to step into each other’s shoes. “To be a pair of shoes that always walk side by side, wherever they go.”

For this one Chanyeol smiled, again knowing how Baekhyun could take in and comprehend everything he said in a flash. But that still wasn’t the best part—it was how Baekhyun could also transform it into sentences with finer meanings and wonderful things that were worth to be pondering about. And for that reason, he prepared himself to listen to whatever Baekhyun was going to say.

“If you can find love in the simplest, most ordinary thing… it feels like a proof that I can find happiness at just anywhere, in every little thing,” Baekhyun smiled while he tugged on Chanyeol’s hands, this time it was his turn to pull the tall man to walk closer to him. “Just like right now, how I can find happiness even in the heart of Seoraksan’s forest far away from the busy crowds of people and noisy city lights, in how we can still dance around the tall trees with the wind as our music just like we did on the rooftop of our dorms with our stereo playing our songs.”

Chanyeol could only smile as he took a slow step at a time, enjoying the fond look Baekhyun was sending him as he walked closer.

“And do you know the best part is, Yeol?” Baekhyun asked, right when his and Chanyeol’s body were only inches apart. Then he loosens his grasp on Chanyeol’s hands before his hands moved to perch on Chanyeol’s shoulder, gripping gently while softly massaging the tall man with his fingers.

“What is it?” Chanyeol replied, while his amused smile grew wider. With Baekhyun’s hands giving him soft touches, his hands automatically traveled to rest on Baekhyun’s waist, holding the tall man close to him.

“Even though I know how I can find it all by myself, it all gets better and easier thanks to you. You give love in everything you do, wherever you are, to anyone who passes you… the stream of it so strong and the feeling so sincere to the point it seeps through every crevice to reach the core of my heart. You’re always helping me to create so many memories of us laughing, filling my mind with it, and it just makes me so happy every time I see something that recalls one of the memories… how we’ve made so much to the point I can find love and the happiness it brings just anytime and anywhere I look to,” Baekhyun replied, this time his grin spanned from ear to ear, automatically making his cheeks to rise up and his eyes turning into half-moons. “So, thank you.”

“I also have my own share to thank you, because of course it wouldn’t be possible without your help as well,” Chanyeol replied, sighing contentedly as he slipped his hands behind Baekhyun’s backpack just so he could circle his arms around Baekhyun’s body, and to bring their bodies touching. “You make happiness come so easily to me and turned the definition of it so simple for me—you truly proved to me the saying how we should be happy from the smallest thing—and because of you and all of those, I have in me happiness so abundant it’s overflowing to the point I can share it all for everyone to feel too.”

“It might sound so simple but it really does make me genuinely happy to find you and me everywhere,” Baekhyun replied, his smile and voice soft as he returned the gesture by looping his arms more on Chanyeol’s neck, with his hands gently caressing the ends of Chanyeol’s hair. But then suddenly he laughed, “Let’s take an example of when I look at a black permanent marker. Even from that, still I find a piece of you and me. Do you remember when you wouldn’t wake up and just keep on sleeping on my bed even though it was already twelve in the noon, so I drew doodles on your sleeping face with what I thought was my drawing marker but it was actually your permanent marker?”

“I remember that one!” Chanyeol faked a loud gasp and a horrified look on his face. What Baekhyun just mentioned was one of his embarrassing episodes. But even so he laughed along, enjoying the sight of a thoroughly amused Baekhyun, who was laughing so hard in front of him. “You made me unable to go anywhere for two full days since my face is completely drawn, Hyunnie!”

“I’m sorry, Yeol—it’s just so funny and it’s your fault too, for always dumping your stuff on my room, still mixing your markers with mine even though I tried separating and tidying them for you—oh my god, your face—Yeol I still can see it clearly, your face was just so hilarious,” Baekhyun finally guffawed while holding Chanyeol’s arms tightly to keep him standing, his laugh loud and his cheeks bulging up to the point his eyes turned into crescents. It seemed like he was so amused to the point he was unable to say a complete sentence, with a tear escaping from his eyes from how much he was laughing. “I remember drawing on your face two big panda eyes, a cat’s whiskers and a puppy’s snout—I really can’t stop laughing now—”

At how Baekhyun was completely distracted with laughing at his embarrassing story, Chanyeol pretended to sulk, turning his body around with his arms folded in front of his chest. But then he remembered of how despite his face was ninety percent covered with drawings, they still had so much fun. So he piped up, “Well at least I got to spend my weekend holed up with you in your dorm, and I remember you were feeling so guilty you tried to wash the marker from my face at the bathroom, and when you almost slipped on the slick wet floor, I got to carry you in my arms and be your hero.”

“Yes, of course, Park Chanyeol my hero…” Baekhyun smiled, with his voice strangely trailing away. Then suddenly with a much louder laugh he added, “Only for a moment though, before we fell down all the same and got ourselves drenched from head to toe, after getting sprayed by water from the shower you left turned on because you couldn’t sit still and kept playing with that water and bubble gun I gave you for your last birthday.”

“Oops—okay, okay, I’m guilty for that one,” Chanyeol smiled sheepishly. For this one he admitted he took part on taking the blame… not really. So he stuck out his tongue out at Baekhyun, teasing the still laughing small man. “Not my fault I love your birthday gift for me and not my fault you started the whole thing by sneakily drawing stuff on my face.”

“Okay, okay, we’ll take the blame together—but still I won’t ever regret getting soaked or having lots of bluish bruises on my elbows and kneecaps after falling down on the bathroom floor because of two things—I was happy _and_ I was with you,” Baekhyun laughed, face colored in bursts of red from how much he was laughing. “So now, do you see it? How one, simple thing can bring back so many memories of us and make us laughing so happily here, while hiking Seoraksan. Thank—”

“Thank you for making so many memories with me. It would never happen and it would never be as precious and bringing so much happiness as these, if it weren’t with _you_ ,” Chanyeol finished the sentence for Baekhyun, grinning wide at the sight of Baekhyun’s laugh reducing into soft chuckles and a fond smile at his words. Then he quipped again, “Well, even though some are so embarrassing and show how clumsy we are.”

To that Baekhyun’s previously fond look turned into another burst of laughter again, this time causing him to loosen their hug. Then as he pulled Chanyeol back close into him, he added, “Embarrassing and clumsy or not, as long as we’re having so much fun… laughing and being happy, it’s alright, Yeol.”

Having a laughing Baekhyun saying those words for him while holding his hands and happily dancing around with him in a place so serene with every element of nature moving along with them—the sun softly shining its early light upon their heads, the breeze slipping through their bodies, and the birds flying above their heads that seemed to dance along with them—it was all enough for Chanyeol, it was all he needed to see. So finally he sang the next lines.

_Like a river flows  
Surely to the sea  
Darling, so it goes  
Some things are meant to be_

With Baekhyun’s words still circling through his mind, a particular thought came into Chanyeol. So he let go Baekhyun’s hands before he draped his arm over Baekhyun’s shoulders, directing them to walk forward nearing the edge of the rails and to see the expanse of rolling clouds down below. “Just like the way the sun rises as a call for the morning to start,” he said as he extended his free arm to their front, presenting to their sights the way the white clouds were tinted with the gold of the morning’s sun. “Just like what I said… one look into your eyes and that’s it.”

“That’s it what?” Baekhyun chuckles as he automatically snaked his arm on Chanyeol’s waist to fit the space between their bodies perfectly before he pulled Chanyeol’s body closer into him.

“Love comes to linger in my heart,” Chanyeol smiled, as he turned his head to his side, facing Baekhyun. “But this time, with you, there’s no turning back. It’s like the way the ink you’ve colored the oceans of my life with, there’s no more changing back the colors of our joined hearts. I love you not just for the sake of having you or just in the hope you’ll return what my heart gives for you. I do love you just because that’s what my heart do.”

With them standing near the edge and the trees were no longer surrounding them, the sunshine was finally caressing their face, reflected as the gleam over their skin and on the smiles on their faces.  
Then as he locked his eyes with Baekhyun’s, Chanyeol continued, “So thank you, Hyunnie, for returning the love I give for you in an even better measure, just like the way the waves of the sea will always come back to the shore, getting stronger each time it caresses the sands, leaving deep imprints on it.”

“Yeol… you and your words that are always capable to give more warmth of love in my heart and assurance in my mind, all in the greatest precision as if those words were made just for me…” Baekhyun smiled, his voice trailing away before it ended with a contented sigh. Then after he took a long breath, with his eyes staring intently back on Chanyeol’s and his smile blooming wider, he continued. “Here I find exactly the proof of what I just told you—how we create memories from the simplest thing. Now whenever we’ll visit the sea I know I’ll find you and me in form of the memory of this day and the words you just said for me—and of course, other memories of us spending summertime at the beach too,” he chuckled. Then he gave Chanyeol’s body a gentle squeeze while snuggling closer to the warmth of Chanyeol’s embrace. “That’s _your_ magic, and no one else can do it just the same or as good as you.”

“Everything I said is for you only, Hyunnie. And if it makes you smile and laugh happily—which makes me even happier anyway—here’s more of my magic for you.” Chanyeol chuckled along, following Baekhyun’s words that made the small man laugh heartily. Then with Baekhyun’s head placed on his chest, he observed Baekhyun’s face, tracing softly the small man’s cheeks and finding the palpable smile—his Baekhyun was truly happy. So he decided to continue his singing.

_Take my hand  
Take my whole life too  
For I can’t help falling in love with you_

“Now take my hand. I’ll make sure to keep you safe and to never let you go,” Chanyeol said gently, as he slowly let go their hug and brought them moving around, leaving the trail’s edge. Then as they stopped in the middle of the ground, he bowed, for the second time he offered his hand and his best smile for Baekhyun. “I’ll always hold your hand to guide you only to the beautiful places where we will be happy.”

“I’m offering you my hand—but really, I’m offering you everything I have,” Chanyeol confessed. In his mind he had a dream of one day he had what he needed to properly ask Baekhyun’s hand, “I’ll share with you my smiles, laughter, and joy for us to feel happiness through and through. I’ll open my heart for you to stay, I’ll give you my time for us to spend together with, and my life to create memories in each of my days… All for you.”

With a smile, for the second time Baekhyun took Chanyeol’s hand again, and in a swish he was pulled into Chanyeol’s embrace. Having Chanyeol’s arms around him again, as if there was something that was too pulled into his mind from Chanyeol’s words, this time his smile softened into a much softer one. Then he replied, “Do you believe me when I said that I have nothing else to lose?”

“How?” Chanyeol asked, wondering about what Baekhyun had to say for the sudden slight detour from the topic. But then he smiled, anticipating nonetheless.

“Holding your hand… in your hands I trust wherever we’ll go,” Baekhyun replied as he brought their linked hands up to their face’s level while smiling softly at their linked hands, as if fascinated by the way their fingers intertwined. Then he chuckled at the astonished look dawning on Chanyeol’s face. “Just anywhere is fine. It’s as if with you, I know I can walk on whatever path life leads me, and I can face whatever comes along the way.”

Amazed and at loss for words, Chanyeol could only stand in his spot, eyes staring only at Baekhyun’s smiling face. It was as if they were back to the moment when the small man listed his love for him that somehow magically made him able to climb Ulsanbawi’s steep stairs. As always, Baekhyun and the words he said that always filled him with overflowing wonder and amazement…

“Spending time with you… in your hands I give you all my time, from my seconds to my years…” Baekhyun continued, eyes staring deep at nothing but Chanyeol’s eyes. With one hand, he reached up to hold Chanyeol’s face and stroked Chanyeol’s cheek with his thumb, while his other hand went to draw circles on Chanyeol’s waist. “And in your hands I’ll keep all my time in the future too, because I know how you worth all of my time and how time is well spent with you, as you are the secure in my belief, the ease in my mind.”

While Baekhyun was working on his magic charm with his words, Chanyeol couldn’t bring himself to speak for fear of missing anything Baekhyun was saying—he could only focus himself on Baekhyun, arms automatically wrapping around Baekhyun’s waist for his hands to rest on the dip of Baekhyun’s back.

“Standing next to you… in your hands I put my belief that we will be alright. We will be just fine,” Baekhyun mused, his smile rising more in time with his words. Throughout his sentences, his eyes flitted between Chanyeol’s and he said each word slowly and softly, as if to make sure his message was received thoroughly by the tall man. “And having our hearts sitting tight side by side… in you I give my faith always.”

“Being in love with you… in your hands I put my life as well,” Baekhyun finished his words with a sincere smile accompanying the slow rise of his soft pink colored cheeks. Then he took hold of Chanyeol’s hands again. “But even so, after giving you everything I have in me, still I feel so loved, I don’t feel empty, because _you_ make it all worthwhile with the happiness and love you give back and filled my life with. So now, do you believe me?”

“I believe you. I know giving you everything is the right thing to do, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done,” Chanyeol answered, finally managing to find a reply after a minute of them just standing there unmoving, letting the occasional wind blew gently over them, while holding each other’s hands and looking into each other’s eyes. Right when he thought he was the one cheering for Baekhyun, as always it would turn to be Baekhyun giving his continuous support for him. “For all of these feelings you’re giving me… I live for every single one of it.”

Then as a moment passed with them just grinning at each other and holding back their laughter, Baekhyun said what they had in mind first. “Why do we look like we’re competing for who loves the other more and who’s saying the sweetest words—”

Following suit, Chanyeol let out his loud laugh. It was amusing to witness over and over again how he and Baekhyun could just know what each other had in mind, or how synchronized their thoughts were. “That’s what I thought too! And as for your question, the answer is clear. I love you more—”

“But _I_ definitely love you more,” Baekhyun claimed right away, this time he let go of their hands just so he could gently grab both of Chanyeol’s cheeks as if trying to get his point across by it. “Even though I know you’re better than me in words, you’re always good with them, and all those great songs you composed—”

“No, _I_ love you more and more!” Chanyeol insisted, chuckling as he could only mumble with the force of Baekhyun’s hands squishing his cheeks. “But in words, you’re definitely better than me, don’t you remember how you recited to me word for word Mrs. Browning’s poem for me along with your own touch of beautiful words? And not to mention with all those books you read that make you so smart and brilliant in just anything.”

“Alright, alright, let’s settle it like this. I know if we walk separately and work alone, you’re good and I’m good,” Baekhyun admitted with a smug smile appearing on his face that made Chanyeol’s laugh grew louder. But a moment later his smirk turned into a soft smile, and he continued, “Even so, together we’re better. And here’s my favorite—it’s the best part of us—we don’t necessarily become like those sayings of _half of you and half of me turning into one_ , we’re giving our all, one of you and one of me to create the two of us, we love each other just as much—and that’s why we’re stronger, because there are the two of us against the world,” then he laughs, his head tilting back slightly, “Even simple math can tell us how it’s better for us if we stay together.”

“And so together we will always be, then! Thank you for the instant mathematic formula of us, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol agreed, nodding vigorously and putting an act as if he was a five years old kid so delighted to learn a new thing, which earned him a chuckle from Baekhyun. Did he ever mention about wanting to hear Baekhyun laugh and how any time was always the right time to make Baekhyun laugh? So he decided to repeat what he said before he sang Mr. Presley’s song for them and put on another act, this time with an excited look on his face. “Anyway, I think it’s the wise spirits of Seoraksan coming into our souls for a moment, giving chance for us to have some slow dance and bringing us more love, to fly.”

“Thank you for being my Peter Pan, Yeol,” Baekhyun said, laughing at how Chanyeol suddenly acted like he was sprinkling magical dust on top of his head when he mentioned the character’s name. Then he reached up to hold Chanyeol’s hand, bringing it close to his chest. “Whose words are the only thing I need for me to fly to the highest heaven with—not that I’m already at heaven with you right now.”

“Welcome, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol smiled as he gave Baekhyun a bear hug, while trying to stretch his arms as far as he could to wrap Baekhyun’s body. After he had his arms comfortably resting around Baekhyun’s waist, his hug full with a happily smiling Baekhyun, momentarily he reached up his hand just so he could bop the small man’s nose. “Your hero, your knight in shining armor, your Peter Pan, and your sleepy baby will always be here for you and help you fly to wherever you want to go.”

“And the most important thing is that I have my one and only Chanyeol with me.” Baekhyun teased with his cheery voice, putting on his own act to look like a five years old kid by clinging on Chanyeol’s arms and nearing his face close with Chanyeol’s.

“Always be with you I will, then.” Chanyeol replied quickly before he leaned forward, taking the chance to kiss Baekhyun’s then puckered lips before they lost their balance from the sudden movement and stumbled forward together, with their laughter growing louder.

Then they sang the chorus together, their smiles wide and bright, resembling the rising sun with its vibrant glow that was shining for the morning crowd.

_Like a river flows  
Surely to the sea  
Darling, so it goes  
Some things are meant to be_

_Take my hand  
Take my whole life too  
For I can’t help falling in love with you_

“It makes me happy.” Baekhyun smiled, after they finished slow dancing on the mountain grounds, opting to just swaying their bodies slightly, revolving with the fallen dried leaves swirling low around their feet.

“What does?” Chanyeol asked again, chuckling as the sentence Baekhyun just said reminded him of the one the small man said about finding their happy memories in the simplest thing. Also, he had memorized and learned the signs when Baekhyun was going to say something that would fill him again with more wonder and admiration for the small man, and something that he knew would lead him exactly where to do and what to do in life—he was seeing one of the signs in the words Baekhyun said, so he knew this was another one on the list.

With a soft, genuine smile and a look of happiness on his eyes more radiant than the shining sun in front of them, Baekhyun replied, “Knowing how I can be happy with you wherever and whenever.”

So Chanyeol was right—Baekhyun did say something so heartfelt that it dismantled his mind’s ability to generate a reply. But one thing for sure, to him, the greatest achievement of his life was when he knew, the person he tried to protect and loved the most, the person he wanted to be happy the most, was able to stand tall by his side and… be happy. So he decided to reply with a line from another Elvis Presley song, _Love Me Tender_ , but with a slight change of his own words for them. “Darling this I know, happiness will follow you and me, everywhere we go.”

“So according to that, if we walk together side by side, with our hands linked… with you following me and I’m following you, does that make us as happiness itself?” Baekhyun theorized, while his fond smile slowly blooming again just like the way light pink morning glory flowers blossomed along the rise of the sun to start the day—it was all what Chanyeol needed to see to have all the familiar warmth of happiness to fill his heart. “If we think more about it, it’s just like the way we do have our own happiness inside ourselves, just somewhere deep down there, but it takes just that one right special person to bring it all out. And as for me, that person is you… So it’s like I can be happy, but together with you, I can be happier—wait, no, it’s better than that— _we_ can be happier, we are the happiness itself.”

At first, Chanyeol didn’t realize the hidden other meaning of the line Mr. Presley sang, but just like so many moments where Baekhyun opened his eyes from the smallest things like reminding him the places he put his stuff around his room to the bigger ones just like this time that reminded him of how the small man brought so many happiness into his days… it was shown to him again Baekhyun’s admirably agile mind to find the most heartfelt thing even from such seemingly simple sentence. Still feeling tremendously overwhelmed with feelings, all he could say was, “Exactly, Hyunnie… exactly.”

“Oh also. Do you know that our Mr. Presley took the melody base for _Can’t Help Falling In Love_ from _Plaisir d’amour_ , a well-known classical French love song composed by Jean-Paul-Égide Martini in 1784?” Baekhyun piped up, after a few minutes had passed with them staying in their bubble of comfortable silence while their eyes were conveying smiles and speaking what they had in their hearts that beat louder than words.

Again, Baekhyun and his extensive knowledge managed to impress Chanyeol even further. “Wow. Now we have your classical compositions and my pop oldies songs. We really do match, do we?”

“We’re the whole package,” Baekhyun agreed, laughing heartily as his eyes resembled. Suddenly he grinned and gestured Chanyeol to come closer to him while circling one arm around Chanyeol’s shoulder, as if he had an idea of a surprise coming into his head for Chanyeol. Then he took the lead of their slow dance, gently directing the tall man for a waltz. “Yeol, come listen to the wind that carries with them the flowing water, the fallen leaves and singing birds… it reminds me of your favorite piece. Beethoven’s _Symphony No. 6_ that tells a tale of Viennese countryside. Even though nothing can compare to the melodies Seoraksan’s nature has provided for us, of course.”

“Beethoven’s _Pastorale_ , yes!” Chanyeol exclaimed brightly, as he crouched slightly just so his face was in the same level as Baekhyun’s, their cheeks and ears almost touching. He was happy to hear his favorite symphony from his favorite classical composer and how Baekhyun excellently brought it up to connect it with Seoraksan’s own marvelous symphony. “Wow, Hyunnie, how do you remember—”

“I always remember what your favorites are, and the things you said to me, Yeol,” Baekhyun replied easily, using the same words Chanyeol said to him last night at their tent when they were sky gazing. Then he placed a hand on Chanyeol’s cheek to turn Chanyeol’s face towards his, this time his gleaming eyes were reflecting the grin on his face. Then as his grin grew wider he continued the line, verbatim. “Every detail, every word… I keep it all. I keep _you_ deep in my heart.”

“I think I’m familiar with that line, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol laughed as he too parroted what Baekhyun said earlier, knowing the words Baekhyun said were the same ones he had said back at their tent. But really, Baekhyun’s ability to admirably recognize and pick out the right ways to excite his heart and paint smiles on his face like no other… it was one of the many reasons of why his love for Baekhyun would never end. 

Right at that moment, Chanyeol got an idea from Mr. Presley’s words. So, returning the suave smirk on his face, he held Baekhyun’s hand that were still on his cheek and added, “Every time you just surpass yourself and just keep on getting better… that is why I can’t help falling in love with you—wait, I just found something even better—that is why I just can’t stop loving you and it’s all I’m going to do.”

“Park Chanyeol…” Baekhyun said, letting his voice trailing away as his mouth curved to form the fond smile that raised the chubby cheeks, all of which Chanyeol loved so much. “The only one who can always make my heart beat so fast, make me swoon with feelings and renders me so intensely alive and aching from smiling and laughing all the time. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol said, beaming so bright from the happiness of seeing the way Baekhyun’s smile were back and didn’t seem to leave his face anytime soon. Baekhyun might say he made him smile a lot, but in fact it was Baekhyun with his continuing support that became the source of his smiles and gave him ideas to make Baekhyun smile even wider—to create happiness for them. Then as he gently tugged Baekhyun’s hand, gesturing the small man to come with him, he repeated what Baekhyun told him back at Ulsanbawi. “Take my hand, we’ll go together. Now, let’s go and get ourselves up to the summit!”

As he tightened his grip on Chanyeol’s hand, as if he appreciated the way Chanyeol still remembered what he said, with so much more energy radiating in his broad smile, cheery voice, enthusiastic gestures, and one excited fist up in the air, Baekhyun replied, “To the summit together we go!”

And as they started again their steps up to reach the summit, with Baekhyun holding his hand, Chanyeol could hear Baekhyun softly humming another song by Mr. Presley, _Love Me Tender_ , while once in a few steps he turned around to look back at him. It was as if the stairs were gone and he could only focus on the smiles Baekhyun sent his way.

The fresh start of the day by climbing their way up the stairs at seven in the morning, the lofty angulation, and the tough hike up got their blood flowing and finally woke them up properly. They made their way up steadily on the red metal stairs, welcomed by the trees among the morning fog looked like cloaked figures lurking on every corner as their checkpoints. Sleepiness and the fact that they had to ascend from about 400 meters above sea level to 1708 meters above sea level in just 5.3 kilometers almost hindered their way, but together they plowed on.

It seemed like they chose a cloudy day to get into Seoraksan’s summit, because halfway through their way up, they met the snow white layer of clouds. If most people were concerned about getting wet from the water the floating condensed vapor floating around them contained, it was different for Baekhyun.

“Yeol! Look! It’s our best friend again, the clouds!” Baekhyun laughed, excitedly jumping up and down and pointing at the clouds in front of them. “We’re climbing right through the clouds!”

Baekhyun’s intuition was right to bring waterproof hiking jackets despite they were hiking on summer days, so they took their jackets out—with mostly Chanyeol trying to get the small man to stop jumping for a while just so he could help him to put his jacket on. It was another funny thing to him at how he and Baekhyun seemed to be able to protect each other, how they always got each other's back, like how the small man’s comprehensive way of thinking was compatible with his ability to execute the plan well.

“Now, you can play around and stay dry,” Chanyeol chuckled, as he slid the sleeves of the jacket into Baekhyun’s arms. This was one of those frequent times when he had to put on clothes over Baekhyun, and he swore it was like putting clothes on his own puppy. “Let’s hope the rain will hold off so we can see the sights from the summit.”

To the last sentence Chanyeol said, Baekhyun immediately closed his eyes and took a hold of Chanyeol’s hand with his, clasping their joined hands tightly in front of his chest. Then half of a minute later, he opened his eyes again with a smile on his face and said, “Okay, I’m done. Let’s go.”

“Hyunnie, what did you do? Did you just make a wish?” Chanyeol chuckled at the sight of Baekhyun bringing out his five years old self. And when Baekhyun only nodded excitedly at him, he asked, “Did you wish for the rain to hold up before we finished our hike?”

“No,” Baekhyun replied simply, slipping his hands into the parka side pockets of his jacket. Then as his signature fond smile made its way on his face, he added, “I wished for you. Also for you and I to be able to hike safely. Because I know as long as we’re together, whether the sky chose to pour water down on us or let the sun casted its heat upon us, I know everything will be fine.”

Then without waiting for Chanyeol to reply or to recover from his state of awe and wonder at the words he just said, Baekhyun took the tall man’s hand while cheering happily, just like a kindergarten five years old kid going for a field trip.

As they continued their way Chanyeol swore from that time onward, he knew he’d be safe wherever he’d go whenever he had Baekhyun standing next to him.

Finally, after they managed to elevate higher and passed the fogged and slightly dimmed trail in about an hour and a half, their eyes were greeted by the presence of the clear blue sky above the clouds. They left the metal steps of the stairs and were back in the rocky, earthy grounds and chlorophyll green trees.

“Look, Yeol!” Baekhyun smiled so big, ecstatically jumping up and down, seeing the summit wasn’t far from where they stood. “We made it!”

“My Peter Pan’s pixie dust really worked, right?” Chanyeol boasted, again demonstrating a humorous amplified show of him sprinkling invisible confetti on top of their heads that almost made Baekhyun double up in laughter on the ground. “Let’s go up!”

With the stairs ending, they were able to continue lumbering up the steep, pebbly incline, excited by the prospect of the summit in near distance. Hiking a little further up, the sight Seoraksan offered just got better, almost unexplainable just by words and even the photos Baekhyun took still didn’t do it justice as they ascended up, the soft clouds resembling the calm water of the ocean. Chanyeol knew Baekhyun had chosen the best day for them to hike up Seoraksan.

The stunning sights made them almost forgot about their hike, and without them knowing they finally reached the Daecheongbong Peak. When they were just a few meters from the highest point of the peak, they stopped in their tracks, looking at each other for a millisecond before Baekhyun ran first with his 50L backpack juggling on his back, with Chanyeol following behind him.

Chanyeol could almost hear the song that was played back during their drive to the Seoraksan entrance, The Drifters’ 1962 rhythm and soul song _Up On The Roof_. He had finally see why being up in the high altitude reminded Baekhyun of them being up on their dorm’s roof—he could see the bright blue sky and his own sky smiling brightly too, Baekhyun.

_When I come home feelin’ tired and beat  
I go up where the air is fresh and sweet up on the roof  
I get away from the hustling crowd  
And all that loud race noise down in the street, up on the roof_

Their simultaneous _we made it!_ made them laugh as they hugged and bounced around, doing a little celebratory dance. They spun around the highest spot of the summit, and they could see all the regions of the Seoraksan National Park everywhere they looked—the greens of miles of forests, the blues of the sky, and the faraway places below them. After the buzz of reaching the summit died down a little bit, they talked with other hikers, and Baekhyun as always making new friends with foreign hikers, talking with exercised English.

Without forgetting, they also took the mandatory photos of them with the stone that bore the mark of Daecheongbong Peak’s 1708 meters elevation just to prove they had been there. They did numerous poses, from the standard with them standing dignified and full of wide grins to the one where they arranged themselves to create a stair formation with Baekhyun between the taller Chanyeol and shorter stone. But of course, they had to bicker about how the stone looked like.

Chanyeol tilted his head to one side. “It looks like an egg.”

“Yeol, it’s nowhere near an egg,” Baekhyun corrected, head also tilted but to the opposite side of where Chanyeol’s head was tilting. “It’s like a chocolate bar.”

Done bickering ten minutes later, settling with the stone looked like an egg shaped chocolate bar, they continued basking in the summer sun and the sight of Seoraksan’s ruggedness; the rocky and serrated peaks and low valleys filled the landscape. Up there, they could see the whole Seoraksan in a perfect 360 degrees angle, seeing how mist still enveloped its other forested peaks and jagged ridges, shrubs of wildflowers here and there dotted the otherwise spotless azure peaks.

_When this old world starts getting me down  
And people are just too much for me to face  
I climb way up to the top of the stairs  
And all my cares just drift right into space_

Being up there, after together they climbed, hiked and went through the challenges along the way, it felt so peaceful to just stand in silence as the summit’s winds danced through their limbs and tease the strands of their hairs. Then Chanyeol walked to stand beside Baekhyun. “Hyunnie.”

Still looking to the views in front of them with a fixed soft smile on his face, Baekhyun whispered, “Yeol.”

“Thank you for bringing me up to your place,” Chanyeol confessed, as he took Baekhyun’s dangling hand. To be at places where Baekhyun said he felt the safest was like getting trusted a key to Baekhyun’s secret hiding place that only he and Baekhyun knew where—things only the two of them shared. And to have Baekhyun with him as well… it was all he ever wanted. Up here, he suddenly felt the need to let Baekhyun knew of how much he had helped him. “You don’t know how stronger I am when you’re beside me, when I know I have you with me, when I know I can keep you safe. It’s the only assurance I need.”

“You’re welcome, Yeol,” Baekhyun said as he turned his head to face Chanyeol, grinning while swinging their linked hands back and forth. Then as the grin slowly turned into a soft smile, he added, “Thank you for always keeping me standing tall too, and for always finding a way to help me go through everything.”

“You’re welcome, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol replied, entranced by the smile Baekhyun had for him. The way Baekhyun’s dark mahogany eyes sparkle under the summer sun reminded him of mountain terrain and nature, something subtle yet beautiful in every form of the season. Completely distracted by second to none views of both Baekhyun and Seoraksan, as he chuckled he blurted out, “This is such a beautiful place to spend time with a beautiful person like you.”

“I can say the views from up here is amazing, but as always, just like what you said… everything and every place is much better with _you_ beside me,” Baekhyun chuckled along, returning the compliment. “After all that we’ve gone through to reach this place.”

_On the roof it’s as peaceful as it can be  
And there the world below can’t bother me  
Let me tell you now_

Chanyeol was going to laugh and reply with how Baekhyun’s beauty was beyond compare, but Baekhyun got the spot to talk first.

With a small, fond smile, dark mahogany eyes that seemed to hold the indefinite depth of eternity locked into Chanyeol’s awed eyes, and an even more tightened grip on Chanyeol’s hand, Baekhyun added, “This is the place I can truly see what does forever really mean—it’s to be somewhere so special with someone that means so much after walking every step of the journey side by side and going through everything together, it seems like time stands still to record unforgettable memories and carve deep imprints in our hearts. That’s why I’m taking you to come with me and share the view, just so you can be a part of my forever.”

Again, Chanyeol lost count at how many times Baekhyun, through his words, showed his incomparable capacity for inventive thoughts and keen intelligence. He didn’t know how to reply to such a high praise with such a deep meaning… But then as an idea came, he presented his thoughtful look with a smile and replied, “Honestly, I see forever everywhere when I’m with you. Do you want to know how?”

“How?” Baekhyun replied, as he slightly tilted his head sideways just like every time when he was curious.

“Forever is how when I’m with you, the days would all be constantly empty…” Chanyeol replied with a convincing grim look and a dispirited voice, which succeeded in making Baekhyun’s eyebrows knit in confusion. Then suddenly he grinned and with an excited voice he added, “Of tears and sadness! And…”

The confusion in Baekhyun’s face was quickly replaced with a warm laugh and a knowing smile. “And?”

“And the nights would seem to go on ever and ever…” Again Chanyeol replied with the same gloomy aura and grim look, but with a hint of a smile because he almost could no longer contain his laugh at the way Baekhyun’s smile told him he seemed to know what he was going to say. Still, again with a much wider grin and a laugh he added, “With the warmth our body heat and the reassuring rhythm of our heartbeat when we’re together, cuddling.”

There it was again, the most beautiful form of sound: Baekhyun’s hearty laughter as he burst out laughing. “Thank you, Yeol. For helping me to see and realize what forever really is, and to create it with me every single day.”

Then Baekhyun let go of Chanyeol’s hand and walked over to the edge of the summit, where the highest point of Seoraksan was located. There he stretched out his arms wide, closed his eyes and smiled.

“You look like an angel ready to take flight and spread love with your wings,” Chanyeol said, out of nowhere, as he walked behind Baekhyun and circled his arms around Baekhyun’s waist. He thought the sentence was initiated at the sight before him. And looking at how the sunlight shining on them made Baekhyun’s face looked more glowing with his radiant smile and rosy cheeks… it only confirmed his statement further. So he continued, “Do you know how the sun can’t even compete with the way everything about you is just so bright?”

Suddenly, Baekhyun turned around and in turn circled his arms around Chanyeol’s neck. There it was, the glint of wit and brilliance in his eyes. “For that, I’m going to borrow Sherlock Holmes’ words for Dr. Watson.”

“At all accounts in which you’ve always been so good at pointing out my own small achievements, you have habitually underrated your own abilities. You might say I’m such a bright light, and you might think you yourself aren’t as luminous,” Baekhyun said, with one arm still circled on Chanyeol’s neck while the other went to caress Chanyeol’s cheek.

“But let me tell you something—you are the conductor of the light. Some people without possessing genius have a remarkable power of stimulating it, just like what you do to me…” Baekhyun continued, with both his voice and his touches on Chanyeol’s face so comfortingly gentle. Grinning, as his hand went up to brush a few strands of Chanyeol’s fringe that got blown by the summit wind, he chuckled and added, “Even though you are a bright light and a luminous genius too, in my opinion.”

Speechless was probably still insufficient to really determine the exact state Chanyeol was in. So many things going on—the soft touch of Baekhyun’s hand on his face, the warm touch of Baekhyun’s words that reached deep inside his heart, the sun shine reflected in Baekhyun’s eyes exalting the glow of the dark mahogany irises that allowed him to see the candor of his speeches and the gentle yet strong stream of love pouring out for only him.

Then in a marvelous impersonation of Sherlock Holmes’ posh voice and British accent, accompanied by a fond smile, Baekhyun continued the line, “I confess, my dear fellow, that I am very much in your debt.”

For a full three minutes Chanyeol could only stare in wonder and love at the man in his arms as once again the small man’s words managed to engrave itself on his heart. Usually loquacious, this time he was totally lost for words. Even so, in his silence he realized, right after Baekhyun finished his sentences… right at that exact moment he knew where they would be going, years from now.

Then Baekhyun chuckled again, his voice back into his usual cheery voice. “That’s Sir Arthur Conan Doyle for you, from his 1902 book _The Hound of the Baskervilles_.”

Only after a few seconds of again staring into the dark mahogany orbs of Baekhyun’s eyes did Chanyeol manage to speak again. just like when he confessed his love for Baekhyun three years ago at the highest point of their dorm at the rooftop, this time at Seoraksan’s highest point he wanted to confess about something much bigger, something he would keep as his number one promise for their future. “Hyunnie.”

“Yeol.” Baekhyun replied, still smiling, his dark chocolate hair ruffled and moving along the wind, his hands were back again circling Chanyeol’s neck.

“You know, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol smiled, now it was his heart’s time to speak. “Let Seoraksan’s highest summit to be the witness that I promise you one day I’ll kneel in front of you again, when I have enough power to support us and build our home, just so we can live together under one roof, staying by each other’s side for the longest of time.”

Again, without pausing Baekhyun replied, “And I’ll say yes again, when I have enough strength to hold us together, right when the time comes.”

_On the roof the only place I know  
Where you just have to wish to make it so  
Let’s go up on the roof_

“Just one more thing, though, Yeol.” Baekhyun suddenly added, his voice calm, eyes full of determination and his grip on Chanyeol’s hand turned firm.

As the force of Baekhyun’s soft tug on his hands pulled him back, Chanyeol saw the all too familiar pacific look in Baekhyun’s face, complete with the ever-fond soft smile. Since he knew Baekhyun was always showing those indicators when he was about to say something so meaningful, quickly he reversed his steps back to Baekhyun’s side and prepared himself to listen to it carefully. “What is it?”

“I really have no business staying at heaven or any interest to be an angel if I can’t have you or be with you, you know what I mean?” Baekhyun flashed a smirk, chuckling as he gave Chanyeol’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’d rather be living in a messy world of people acting out in unhealthy ways, being flawed and well… being _human_ , but I have you with me.”

Then Baekhyun continues with a much softer smile, “Because I know I’ll be fine, I’ll be able to pull through it all… with you. For the way you take me to the top of the mountains—like right now,” he laughed, “To feel as if I’ve reached both the top of the world and the top of my happiness… then I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make you happy too.”

Again, Chanyeol was right. The strong emotion brought by the words Baekhyun said to him and the way the second highest ground in all South Korea had become the witness of them exchanging their most honest promises almost brought tears into his eyes. For one so small, Baekhyun was so independently strong, so capably brave, with layers of clear awareness in the subtleties of logic and feelings. 

He was so lucky to have Baekhyun with him—so lucky and so grateful. There was just no other word to explain it, because there was really no word to truly decipher the feeling—to have someone gently showing him all the right things to do and teaching him with love how to do it correctly. And Baekhyun’s words made him figure it all out. Then he concluded, “To have you with me, to ultimately love each other so much we’d do anything to put things right for one another, for us… I’ll always choose that.”

“I’ll always choose that, yes.” Baekhyun agreed, with his smile turning into a grin and a chuckle again, as if what Chanyeol said completed what he had in mind.

Then in a familiar gesture just like last time, Baekhyun closed his eyes and with his smile staying on his face as he brought his hand and Chanyeol’s together in front of his face, before clasping it tight.

Chanyeol knew Baekhyun was sending his wish again. So he closed his eyes too, and wished for one thing his heart had been chanting for years: for him to be allowed to have Baekhyun to stay with him, smiling and being happy, for always. Then after he opened his eyes again, seeing Baekhyun looking at him softly, he decided to ask. “You just made another wish, didn’t you?” 

“Yes, of course. As always.” Baekhyun replied as he let their hands fall into their sides, but still keeping their fingers intertwined. But then, as if he changed his mind, he turned his body around to face Chanyeol and quickly slotted himself into Chanyeol’s arms.

“Why do you like telling Seoraksan about your wishes so much?” Chanyeol asks as he laughed amusedly at the way Baekhyun seemed to cling at him more. When he tried to lift Baekhyun’s face to see him, the small man’s arms’ wrap around his waist only went tighter, added with a chuckle and a mumbled _I just want to hug you for a moment_ that tickled his body—so he let him to do just that, while in turn hugging him back just as tight.

“To me, I think of the mountains as another best friends this world gave me. It listens to the whispers of our hearts; from unspoken words of wildest dreams, sincerest hopes, even to the darkest, most desperate desires,” Baekhyun explained as he finally looked up, showing Chanyeol his soft smile. “The best thing is that the tall trees, the strong current of the rivers, and the high mountain itself will help sending it all up to the heavens, and in turn it’ll send us encouragements and positive energy. This is the highest place for the heavens to hear and grant whatever you and I wish for.”

“And that’s why I ask for Seoraksan to keep my wish. Because I know it’ll be granted one day. And it really works! You should try,” Baekhyun grinned. Then he reached his hands up to cradle Chanyeol’s cheeks, playfully squishing it to his heart’s content, laughing at the ducky pout appearing on Chanyeol’s face. “See the way the clouds doesn’t let the rain to fall upon us, we can see all the great sights up here, and I have you with me?”

“I see how it’s granted, because I have you with me too. That’s why I wished along with you,” Chanyeol chuckled after Baekhyun let go of his cheeks. He did remember the last time Baekhyun wished for them to hike safely up despite the clouds threatening them with a prospect of rain, which just he realized actually worked, since the clouds gave way for them to see clear views of Seoraksan’s best parts. So for this time, he was so curious of what Baekhyun wished for, because somehow he knew it was going to come true as well. “So are you going to tell me again what you wished for?” 

“No I won’t,” Baekhyun teased, pulling his tongue out to poke fun at Chanyeol as again he squeezed the tall man’s cheeks, puffing it up. “So don’t tell me about yours. It’ll lose the magic if you and I tell a single living soul about it.”

“Alright, alright, but mine has you,” Chanyeol replied, still trying to tempt Baekhyun into letting him know about his secret because the smile Baekhyun gave him only heightened his curiosity. Then he bowed slightly to level their heights and clasped his hands in front of his face, setting his face in his most adorable puppy look that he knew always work to lower Baekhyun’s defense—his eyes flashing complete with a grin that showed the prominent dip of his dimples. “So give me a sneak peek, please?”

“Still not telling,” Baekhyun said, now grinning as he shook his head. But after he saw Chanyeol sending him a pout, sulking with a frown and arms folded on his chest exactly just like an adorable grumpy five years old, he finally yielded. After he gave a kiss on Chanyeol’s pout that made the tall man to grin so wide, he added, “Alright, alright. I’ll tell you later, Yeol.”

_Up on the roof at night the stars put on a show for free  
And darling you can share it all with me_

Eyes well fed by the views below, they decided to step back from the edge and enjoy the view surrounding them with their hands still linked. At the summit’s grounds they found lines of stacked rocks that were built by people to send prayers to their loved ones or for good fortune. So of course Chanyeol and Baekhyun tried to stack some stones for each other, competing on who stacked higher, laughing away as they tried to find flat stones to stack.

Since they arrived early at the summit, thanks to Baekhyun’s suggestion to hike early at seven, they reached the peak at only ten in the morning. Then they decided to spend an hour at the summit, sitting on the big stones shoulder to shoulder with their backpacks safely placed next them, and get their packed lunch out: beef jerky, dried fruit, fig bars, bagels, energy bars and nuts mix. They also had their drinks: bottles of water and two orange juice boxes.

“Best lunch ever, Yeol. We’re so lucky,” Baekhyun smiled, while nibbling on his chocolate bar. “Not every day everyone can have lunch at 1708 meters above the sea level, but we did it.”

Chanyeol could only smile back and mumble in approval, his mouth full with the boiled egg he packed this morning.

After they were done eating, they cleaned up their lunch wrappers and packed their leftovers. Then they took one last rest while sitting on the boulder and had their legs straightened in front of them. This time, Chanyeol had his head leaning onto Baekhyun’s shoulder. With a soft voice, he called, “Hyunnie.”

“Tired?” Baekhyun asked, smiling at Chanyeol’s slumped figure next to him. Automatically he slipped his arm behind Chanyeol, wrapping Chanyeol’s body before pulling him closer to his embrace, just so the tall man could rest his head more comfortably on his shoulder, for his body to lean on his chest, and their cheeks touching slightly. Then he chuckled, “I see what it is now. Bye bye Peter Pan Yeol, see you later. Now I find my Sleepy baby Chanyeol again.”

Only chuckling lightly, Chanyeol was going to reply that Peter Pan Yeol would always be there to protect Baekhyun, but the combination of a full stomach, the calming wind of the summit, the residue of tiredness from hiking, and the warmth of the summer sun and Baekhyun’s arms around him got him feeling drowsy… and he could feel himself slowly dragged down by sleep… with the last _Hyunnie_ slipping out of his mouth, he finally had his eyes closed shut…

And there he was standing on the altar with Baekhyun, again with the all black suit attires. And this time it seemed like they were getting ready to exchange vows, with Baekhyun smiling so brightly at him and holding his hands.

Then there were sounds of someone whispering loudly near his ear, continuously without pausing. Why was that person trying to stop him from saying his vows? This felt like a déjà vu, it didn’t felt like hours but it also didn’t felt like seconds had passed since they were standing at the summit. 

Wait—he looked around and realized they _were_ at the summit! But a moment ago they were at the altar… wait—he was alone again? Where was Baekhyun?

“Good bye! I love you lots, baby.”

With the talking hushed voice sounding quite familiar, this time it didn’t take much for Chanyeol to open his eyes, blinking wearily and realizing he had fallen asleep, again—to resume the last dream he got back at the makeshift campground yesterday. 

But wait—who was talking? Or was it just on his dream? So automatically Chanyeol decided to look for Baekhyun. “Hyunnie?”

“Yeol, hey. How was your sleep?” Baekhyun replied with a wide grin, face hovering over Chanyeol’s, and one hand cupping Chanyeol’s cheek while the other went sneaking something back into his backpack. “I really want to stay up here enjoying the view and letting you sleep again, but sadly it’s time for us to hike down now.”

“Alright. Ah, it feels nice to be able to nap a bit,” Chanyeol said cheerily as he realized he was resting inside Baekhyun’s safe embrace. But then he noticed the alarmed tone when Baekhyun was saying his name and the sudden gesture of putting something back into his backpack’s zipped pocket. “And oh, Hyunnie. I heard someone whispering close to me. Was it you?”

“Um, uh, what? Talking? No one is—wait, I mean yes, it was just me,” Baekhyun chuckled airily, trying to hide his splutter. Then he waved his arms, eyes looking everywhere but Chanyeol’s eyes. “There were cute looking birds coming to my side asking for food so I gave them some of my bread. And—and I uh, whispered because you were sleeping. So, that’s all.”

Remembering the words Baekhyun said that he heard earlier, Chanyeol thought it was quite odd to say such things in such cheerful tone to _birds_ , but knowing how soft Baekhyun could be even to his rubber duckies back at his dorm, he shrugged it off with an amused smile. So he finally rose up from the warm confinement of Baekhyun’s embrace, yawning wide while stretching his arms and straightening his body. “Oh really? I should’ve not gone to sleep, I missed another adorable moment of you.”

Then after Chanyeol had left his station on his shoulder, Baekhyun detached his body from the rock he was leaning onto, straightened his body and then stretched his arms too. Then as his hands went to massage his back, he chuckled and replied, “Don’t worry, there will be so much more adorable moments to come from me for you.”

Midway stretching, Chanyeol was going to reply with another teasing when suddenly he saw Baekhyun winced a little bit, turning his body around just so he wouldn’t see it. So he immediately stopped his stretching movements, stood up and pulled Baekhyun up to stand. “Hyunnie? Are you okay? Did you get hurt? What happened?”

“No, I’m fine! Nothing happened, I was just stretching, I’m okay, really.” Baekhyun replied cheerfully, waving his hand as if to brush off Chanyeol’s comment.

“Are you really? You have to tell me if you are hurting, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol fretted as his hands roam Baekhyun’s body, trying to find which part was hurt. His mind was already boggled by the image of Baekhyun in pain and how he wanted to make sure Baekhyun was okay first before doing anything else. “We can stop for another quarter of an a hour to rest a while again and I can massage your back too—or if you want I can get you a piggyback ride to the nearest shelter, don’t worry I’m strong enough to carry you and our backpacks—or oh! I can try to get the park ranger to help us—”

“I’m really fine! Look at my face, my arms and my legs, I’m alright. Let’s just go.” Baekhyun cut off Chanyeol’s rambling, chuckling as he twirled in front of Chanyeol to assure the tall man that he was okay. 

“Are you sure as in _really_ sure?” Chanyeol said, his frown on his forehead slowly disappearing and hands finally stopping its search on Baekhyun’s body as he heard Baekhyun’s chuckle. But then a second later he was back to checking every nook and cranny of the small man’s body. “Let me have a check, I really don’t mind carrying you in my back, I’ll get anything you need too, Hyunnie—”

“I’m really, really, really fine, Yeol, your hands are tickling me. Let’s go now, I’m okay,” Baekhyun laughed when Chanyeol’s hands prodding the ticklish spots on his sides while trying to reach his stomach. Then he took Chanyeol’s hand in his before he pulled them back to the highest point of the summit. “But before we go, we have to say good bye and—”

“And take photos!” Chanyeol completed the sentence, just as cheerful as Baekhyun. He wasn’t entirely able to put his mind to rest from worrying about Baekhyun, but seeing how the small man was indeed in his most exuberant state and was back laughing, he decided to follow suit.

“Seoraksan, thank you for showing us your most enchanting charm and helped us find our happiness along the way up,” Baekhyun started while bowing slightly with his eyes closed, after they finished posing for more photos and laughing away for how Chanyeol managed to sneak in more of what the tall man said _summit special kisses_. “And for Daecheongbong, thank you for inviting us. Now it’s time for us to leave, so please help us find our way down safely.”

“Thank you for giving us such amazing views, and letting me confess my love for my beautiful boyfriend right here,” Chanyeol added with a loud voice, chuckling when Baekhyun snapped his head up to look at him as other hikers in near vicinity cheered for them. “We’ll come again real soon, we promise. June twenty second, two thousand and eight. Park Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun were here.”

Bellies full with their lunch food, last good byes were said, another set of photos that held memories taken, and body fresh from the nap—the last one was only for Chanyeol, of course—they finally descended from the summit and head to the left path, going west across the ridge on the southern end of Seoraksan to reach the Hangyeryeongsamgeori Point, just like what they had planned for their next trail to go back down. Not long after they started to hike down to descend from the summit, they turned their backs for a while to observe the Daecheongbong Peak they just left behind, already missing the place.

“I’m going to miss this place, being on top of Seoraksan, Yeol,” Baekhyun sighed, after he took a photo of the peak from where they stood. “It’s my first time ever hiking, and I have you with me. There’s nothing better than being at places up high and above with you, where I can see the clouds beneath my feet, the sky so close above my head, and the sun in front of me.”

“Don’t worry, Hyunnie. I will take you back here soon. I promise,” Chanyeol said, as he draped his right arm over Baekhyun’s shoulder to drag him closer to him. Then with his head glued to Baekhyun’s on their temples, he smiled near Baekhyun’s face to cheer him up. “And I’ll take you to everywhere we can fly high up with the birds over the clouds.”

Seeing Chanyeol’s smile at him and sensing Chanyeol’s cheek brushing up against his, Baekhyun mirrored back a smile. Then he offered his right pinkie. “Pinky promise?”

Chanyeol had a better idea. Stealthily as he linked their pinkies he gave Baekhyun’s lips a peck, which startled and made the small man’s cheeks redden that was quickly followed by a happy laughter. To him, that was all that mattered. “All of my heart promise.”

_I found a paradise that’s trouble proof up on the roof  
And if this old world starts getting you down  
There’s room enough for two up on the roof_

“Oh, just one more thing though, Hyunnie.” Chanyeol said, as he draped an arm over Baekhyun’s shoulder to keep the small man beside him for a moment. He too had something to say for Baekhyun.

“What is it?” Baekhyun asked curiously, stopping his walk to look back at Chanyeol again. Then his face showed a hint of recognition before he chuckled, as if he realized how they were switching what they said earlier.

This idea came right away to Chanyeol’s mind after experiencing it himself in the way whenever Baekhyun walked, the small man always had his hands on his to show him the sights of Seoraksan’s excellent sides, how he was like carrying him only to see the beautiful places. Yet again with his lopsided smirk he said, “Seoraksan might offer us its best features and most beautiful forms of nature, but still you’re the most wonderful.”

“Really?” Baekhyun’s chuckles were prolonged by the last sentence Chanyeol said, and as always an amused smile arrived to stay on his face. Then to affirm Chanyeol’s statement, the gentle summer breeze passed them again to ruffle the ends of his dark chocolate hair that wasn’t covered under Chanyeol’s Chicago White Sox baseball cap he was wearing, adding more effect to how gorgeous the small man looked. “How so?”

“Because unlike Seoraksan, I have you for myself,” Chanyeol smirked, Baekhyun might had been admiring the mountain views and the sceneries that the small man thought were the most beautiful, but he had been admiring the smile of wonder in Baekhyun’s face that in his most unbiased opinion was more than wonderful—and his favorite bit of all of this was he had Baekhyun for his eyes only. “And the best part is I got to take you home with me.”

Baekhyun laughed again, and how many times should Chanyeol mention that it was all he ever wanted? So as they exchanged wide smiles, laughing and breathing the fresh air of Seoraksan’s summit, he offered his hand for Baekhyun to take, and when Baekhyun took his hand with a wide smile that said so much about how happy the small man was, he felt they were ready and set to go to just anywhere.

_Oh, come on, baby  
Oh, come on, honey  
Everything is all right up on the roof_

The beginning of the ridge trail for their hike down the summit didn’t have much trees to offer them some shade, so they were able to hike and look out to their surroundings. In their left and right, they got to see the skies with clouds on top of the greenish distant mountains, the valleys, and the aerial view of the rocky peaks and cliffs Seoraksan had in the distance after one hour into the journey. They walked in a stable pace, enjoying the feeling of being at the first place the sun shone at among every other spot at Seoraksan National Park.

Two hours into their hike down along the ridge, the trees welcomed them down into the lower altitude, the grounds once again teemed with green leaves of summer. Their hike terrain went up and down, and through dense and pleasing for the sights forests. They didn’t see much of other hikers, only some village locals passing by to their opposite direction, but they were grateful to have the slightly desolate, quiet and tranquil trail all to themselves.

Once in a while, dotted along the forested trail, there were spots of clearings where they could get a much better picture of the area they were walking on. There they were able to stop for a while, took photos of them with giant logs spread on the ground and towering trees, and get their timely breaks. To them, so far the trail along the ridge had been playing good with them, giving a nearly flat surface to walk on, but they had to admit the six kilometers of up and down terrain got into their legs after their previous five kilometers hike up to the Daecheongbong Peak. So they often had some stops to just admire the forestry views.

While they were stopping for the third time, Baekhyun decided to take photos of the trees while Chanyeol sat behind him on a nearby log. Seeing Baekhyun who was occupied by looking at the birds flying above them, he decided to play a bit. Then gently he poked Baekhyun’s shoulder. “Hyunnie, can I borrow your camera for a sec?”

“Oh sure, here.” Baekhyun handed over his camera to Chanyeol who was now standing behind him, without paying much attention and eyes still on the birds flying to its nest of fallen twigs.

Baekhyun walked over to the edge of the trail, the shutter sounds of the camera came alive among the sounds of the cicadas and grasshoppers that had been their friends along the hike. Then he looked back, hearing the shutter clicks grew closer to him. His eyes caught Chanyeol cheekily smiling and one eye hidden behind the viewfinder, the camera lens pointed at him.

Baekhyun smiled, covering his face with his hands and turned his body away from the sudden appearance of his own paparazzi. “Yeol.”

Chanyeol kept clicking, following Baekhyun’s movements. “What? I’m taking photos of enamoring things that hold my attention, steal my heart and take my breath away.”

Baekhyun chuckled, amused by Chanyeol’s stunts. Then he decided to let the latter to get a full view of him by putting down his hands. “And what are those enamoring things if I may ask?”

“The wonders of nature,” Chanyeol replied, still capturing and clicking away. He wasn’t trying to be a cheesy, poetical hopeless romantic, but a freely laughing Baekhyun in his white soccer jersey, cheeks borrowing the glow from the noon’s summer sun, face beautifully shining and glistening with sweat, hair down and fringe messy that was topped with his Chicago’s White Sox baseball cap was, to put it in one word, _gorgeous_. It was all unscripted and he just had to do it. “And you, without a doubt.”

Baekhyun walked over to see the shots Chanyeol took on the camera roll. There he saw zoomed photos of himself, or even just his back, his glowing cheeks or his fingers waving. Smiling, he handed over the camera back to Chanyeol who was still stifling his laughter. With a faux questioning look on his face, he asked, “So how’s the nature so far?”

“Beautiful,” Chanyeol answered, chuckling. Putting up his most suave look, he winked and added, “But don’t worry, they got nothing on you, baby.”

“Thanks, Yeol.” Baekhyun laughed and turned away, while putting off Chanyeol’s baseball cap he was wearing to comb his hair with his fingers and preparing to continue their hike down.

Looking around to find Baekhyun’s eyes weren’t on him anymore, Chanyeol turned to face the trees in front of him and clasped his hands in a gesture of apologizing. Grimacing, he whispered, “Sorry, mother nature. I didn’t mean to say you’re not beautiful but my boyfriend is more beautiful.”

“Yeol?”

Chanyeol jumped in shock, glancing back to see an amused Baekhyun’s smiling face looking at him. It seemed like the latter after not hearing his footsteps behind him, he turned back and accidentally heard him. He could only chuckle at the smiling man in front of him, having caught in the act.

Then Chanyeol saw a chance for another good photo and brought the camera to snap another photo of Baekhyun in front of him, with his hair no longer covered by the cap gleaming as the sunlight played on it, and the way the gentle summer breeze made the silky dark chocolate strands waltzing along. “I’m not lying. You really are beautiful.”

“Thank you, Yeol. You are too,” Baekhyun chuckled along, “Do you know how?”

“Yes I know I am the most handsome Park Chanyeol that Byun Baekhyun loves very much—” Chanyeol teased, which got him a playful smack on his shoulder and a _Yeol!_ That was accompanied by another soft chuckle from Baekhyun. “Okay, okay, no. Not really. You’re way more beautiful, anyway.”

“Okay, _beep_. Wrong answer. First of all, I _do_ love you very much,” Baekhyun said, chuckling as he gave Chanyeol another playful smack when the tall man tried to interrupt him with a _Hyunnie, I love you too but_ beep _is a sound effect for an answering machine!_ Then with a smile, he offered his hand for Chanyeol to take. “Second of all, let me show you how beautiful you are. Now, what do you see around you right now?”

“I see Byun Baekhyun who is an extremely beautiful, captivatingly handsome and attractive man that more than not looks like a puppy—” Chanyeol teased yet again, laughing as he let Baekhyun to playfully hit him again even though he could’ve just avoided it easily. Then as he held Baekhyun’s outstretched hand, he observed more of their surroundings, finally noticing the skyscraper like trees. It wasn’t his fault most of the time he got his attention looking at Baekhyun, right? “Alright, alright! Okay, trees. Lots of trees.”

“Correct. Now, look that way,” Baekhyun grinned as he brought Chanyeol to walk with him again, while pointing to a closely knitted towering trees in the left side of the forest trail they were walking through with his free hand. “Those are clusters of giant sequoias. Or you might know its other name, the Redwood trees. And just like the unmatched grandeur of tall Redwood trees standing in our left and right, your beauty comes not only in how gorgeous you are, but also in other ways where you awe everyone with it every day.” 

“Your story goes pretty much like theirs. The trees, under the sun, at first they were only teensy tiny green sprouts scattered on the forest floor somewhere in the depth of Seoraksan when it took root, but it quickly surpassed the forest ferns in height as year by year it grew into a form of a tree. Just like in you I see, in each day that passes, with the goodness you spread around, you grow to be a gentleman. As time goes on, every day these trees survived fires and deer, and eventually assume real girth. Just like the way you went through so much and still you remain, being stronger and gaining power as you are now. The trees then ascended into the canopy of tree and after a few dozen decades becoming evergreens. Just like the way as years pass the wiser you get, you have become a shade—an ease of mind to everyone around you, a home to come back to. Then at last, the trees and its sturdy trunks that guard the forest, just like how you always give love so comforting, with your strong arms protecting your loved ones.”

Then Baekhyun stopped their walk in front of a particularly tall Redwood tree near the edge of the trail where they could see the expanse of Seoraksan’s aerial view, hand still holding Chanyeol’s.

“Just like the way these trees have been the witness of how Seoraksan changed seasons and landscapes over hundreds of years, watched many empires’ rise and fall, you’re just as unwaveringly loyal and faithful, standing next to me to help me stand tall like you do. Just like the way these trees have been holding on against the cruelest heat and the driest gravels of cold, you’re just as tough, your strong characters teaching me how to yield and to be unbreakable under stress. If ever this tree had died, countless of other living things, humans and animals alike would have come to its mausoleum memorial, attending to pay their last respect and spread flower petals of fine words about it—but instead _they_ died, taken away by disease and old age, while these trees… they’ll stay the same, they keep on growing. Just like you, as much as life to drag you down hard, you’ll always have a way to rise up again. Wherever I’ll look is wherever I’ll find you. You, as spectacular as you are, keep on getting better.” 

“Just like the Redwood trees becoming a figure of a pillar in the surrounding tree that looked up to them, you too are a pillar. But you are not just any pillar, you’re _the_ pillar in my life, Yeol,” Baekhyun continued, in time with the rise of his smile his eyes turned into a bright and translucent warm brown from the way the sun’s ray was filtering through the dark mahogany irises. “Perhaps… I can say I haven’t really seen someone as truly unreservedly beautiful and as enduringly gentle as you, until I’ve met you.”

“Now, you know how beautiful you are? Or should I find other example?” Baekhyun said, chuckling as he directed Chanyeol to walk again to inspect the neighboring sight of the rolling clouds, the colorful wildflowers, and the chirping birds once in a while crossing their view. “From the shades of green terrain of Seoraksan, the pure white clouds, to the blue of the skies above us, I have lots to show—”

“Still.” Chanyeol finally said a word at last, after the breathtaking monologue Baekhyun had for him started, cutting off Baekhyun’s adorable ramble. Baekhyun might say the last sentence with a teasing tone, but underneath it… along with the golden chime like sounds of the summer breeze once again passing through their bodies and the trees around them, he could hear the way the small man would really find so many other daily things to be transformed into lines of earnest and wholehearted feelings. All just for him.

As Baekhyun brushed a golden brown colored fallen leaf from Chanyeol’s phthalo blue fringe, tiptoeing and cutely having his tongue jutting out in concentration to do just that, the sun chose to create a perfect round halo around his head. The he chuckled, “Still what?”

“Beautiful,” Chanyeol mused, his small smile grew wider as he took another photo of Baekhyun smiling beside him. Even with one eye hidden behind the viewfinder, he could see it clearly standing in front of him—his angel that made everywhere he stepped on to become heaven. “You, how you can absorb nature’s beauty to turn everything into something so magical in your own better ways, and the words you spoke. Beautiful.”

“Us together are.” Baekhyun smiled as he beckoned Chanyeol to come closer and hug him, before he grabbed the camera just so they could take pictures together with the Redwood trees and the mountain’s landscape as their background.

After the impromptu Baekhyun photoshoot ended, and Chanyeol was done worshipping Baekhyun’s every single feature and taking photos of them laughing, they continued their hike down to leave the Redwoods trees behind. Sometimes they found other types of the trees that were low enough for them to see a clear view down Seoraksan and into the valley, another perfect spot to take photos of them while they promenaded through the path down.

Surrounding them were clouds laying low and teasing them with its mist, but it still gave way for them to hike with a sunny and warm summer day. But thanks to the floating, high-density clouds, they managed to witness a wondrous phenomenon.

“Hyunnie, look,” Chanyeol stopped Baekhyun from walking forward, pointing to their left then their right. “The ridge that drew a line over Seoraksan is dividing the clouds.”

In front of and slightly below them, they saw the south side of the ridge was totally covered by the clouds but the north side of the ridge was completely free of clouds, creating an extraordinary contrast.

“Wow, Yeol,” Baekhyun uttered in astonishment, immediately directing his camera lens to capture the one-of-a-kind view. “That’s spectacular. It’s enticing and funny at the same time.”

At the sight of an amazed and excited Baekhyun taking so much photos of the view, Chanyeol let out his amused smile. “Enticing, that I understand,” he then raised one eyebrow. “But why funny?”

“Because the way the ridge keeps the cloud in one place reminds me of you,” Baekhyun turned around to face Chanyeol as he slung his camera back on his neck. “It’s like you who always keep me safe and warm, protecting me against cold and everything the world throws at me.”

Chanyeol chuckled as he moved closer to Baekhyun and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him gently. “Like this?” He loved how even just from his embrace Baekhyun’s cheeks were squished gently against his chest, showing him Baekhyun’s world famous pouting ducky lips.

To the gesture Baekhyun faked an offhand shrug, but a second later he hugged Chanyeol back as he scrunched his face in delight. “Something just like this.”

They continued their way again, with the clouds following them and concealing the sight of valley below them, again creating illusions of the Seoraksan peaks among the spiraling clouds looking like protruding islands rising up above the white sea. Shortly after that, this time nearing the end of the ridge trail, they found themselves walking through channels of valleys, with towering walls of big cliffs on both of their sides, looking like it embraced the slope downwards with bold green trees slipping through its spiked fissures, all right next to them. The change of scenery only awed them more, the wonderful views of Seoraksan served them had took their breath away for countless times.

Completing their hike on the six kilometers long ridge trail, they finally reached the Hangyeryeongsamgeori Point, which had another fork leading to another Seoraksan ridges and peaks. There they took a left to head down the last 2.3 kilometers towards the Hangyeryong Resting Place. The walk was quite easy and they were fast to pass it, since they were simply enjoying the change of the day into its afternoon settings. 

To Baekhyun’s delight, on their way down, they met the same layers of misty clouds that they had encountered on their way up to the summit again. It felt like a nice surprise of cold, windy spray after hiking for almost seven hours out under the dry and warm summer sun. Again they wore their waterproof hiking jackets that had been tied around their waists, and hiking down through the billowing mass of clouds they went.

“Yeol, clouds again. I love clouds,” Baekhyun looked up, his hands raised up as if trying to grasp the vaporous clouds. Then he turned back to look into Chanyeol’s eyes with a hint of seriousness and a sea of secrets in his eyes. “Someday I’m going to live in the clouds.”

“How do you know?” Chanyeol asked, smiling in amusement as he watched Baekhyun spinning gently around him, gracefully pivoting on his heel like he was dancing ballet with the swirling white clouds.

“I just know it,” Baekhyun replied easily as he sighed happily, eyes closed and hands hugging the air as if he was hugging the clouds. “I’m going to float up high all over the world and the best part is you can find me anytime and anywhere, all you need to do is look up to the sky.”

“Okay, now I know where to look if you’re ever nowhere to be found,” Chanyeol said as he chuckled, moving closer to embrace Baekhyun. “But I’m going to hold on to you so tight I’ll make sure I’ll never lose you.”

“And then we can fly up above higher than the birds and live happily in the clouds together!” Baekhyun added, laughing heartily as he wrapped his arms around Chanyeol’s waist, pulling the tall man closer to sway along with him.

After Baekhyun was satisfied playing around with the clouds and they were done swaying gently following the swirls of clouds, they continued their walk. When they reached Hangyeryeong Resting Place, they were about to buy two bus tickets to go back to Osaek-ri, but they were greeted by a couple of foreign hikers they had acquainted back at Daecheongbong Peak, who offered a free ride back that they gratefully accepted. Along the drive, as always they exchanged stories, with Chanyeol excitedly trying to converse in English and Baekhyun patiently correcting him once in a while.

Finally arriving at Osaek-ri, they got off the car with waves and smiles, thanked the foreign hikers and walked to the parking lot to find Chanyeol’s car. After they loaded their gears and backpacks in, Baekhyun tugged on Chanyeol’s hands to do a tiny ritual.

Standing side by side in front of the park’s entrance at Osaek-ri Ranger Station with them facing Daecheongbong Peak in the distance, they bade their goodbyes.

“Seoraksan, thank you for letting us visit your home and for taking such good care of us,” Baekhyun started, closing his eyes as he did a ninety degrees bow, hands clasped in front of his face. “I promise we’ll come back soon, please send our wishes up to the sky and pass on to us your energy to mount higher peaks of another national parks.”

“I promise I’ll get this small pro mountaineer next to me to your summit again soon,” Chanyeol added loudly as he chuckled, getting him a playful hit on his arm from a smiling Baekhyun. He then bowed along with the latter. “See you later.”

Only by late afternoon when evening was waiting to take place did they drive back to Baekhyun’s family cottage house near the Sokcho Beach, Gangwon-do province. Throughout the drive, they talked about everything that had happened in the past two days and the total 27.9 kilometers they hiked in Seoraksan, and how they were planning to spend the summer night camping outside the cottage house.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol actually had intended to make it a vacation plan at the Byun’s cottage house with the whole Park and Byun family members, but no one was available to go with them, which left the place just for the two of them.

So after arriving at the place and taking a long, well deserved shower, they decided to take out the tent and make a campfire from the dried logs. Baekhyun had insisted to bring a surprising amount of food, almost vacating the contents of the big fridge the Byuns owned, even though the house was just ten meters away from their camp.

They had started the night firstly by them playing around and laughing loudly until they were tired from running, followed with another storytelling session in courtesy of Baekhyun and his collection of books, before they changed their station to stare and gaze at the sky with Baekhyun’s old telescope that was currently standing right next to them. So this time with the watch on Chanyeol’s wrist telling them it was already nearing midnight and they were finally back sitting side by side on a large log, in front of the fire, with their backs to their tent, they opted for Baekhyun’s second favorite thing to do next to swimming at the beach: grilling many different types of food on the fire with iron skewers. But mostly it was Chanyeol doing the task while Baekhyun just clung onto Chanyeol, getting spooned the cooked goods by the tall man.

“Hey Yeol.” Baekhyun piped up, after gulping down a warm blob of melted marshmallow that Chanyeol had blew softly to cool down before spooning it onto his mouth.

“Yes, Hyunnie?” Chanyeol answered while one hand flipping his iron skewer full of meat pieces and marshmallows and the other hand resting around Baekhyun’s waist. Sometimes he couldn’t believe the small puppy tight in his embrace was the very same one that outdid him while climbing the steep, winding steps of Seoraksan’s stairs, sent him boastful looks and pulled his tongue on him from the top of the stairs.

“You know that I love the concept of the sky and the universe.” Baekhyun said, shifting his head to fit better in Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“Yes, and?” Chanyeol replied, with one hand busy meddling the fire with the wooden stick he had gathered from fallen off branches scattered near the beach.

Actually, Chanyeol found out this part of Baekhyun that loves stellar things after one day he had found Baekhyun groaning in pain, laid out on the floor. Upon asking what happened, he learned that Baekhyun was trying to stamp star and planet shaped glow-in-the-dark stickers on his dorm’s ceiling, but given Baekhyun’s shorter-than-Park-Chanyeol status, he had to use a rickety ladder and midway gluing the stickers he had fallen off balance. He had laughed, amused by Baekhyun’s stubbornness as to why didn’t he ask for his help, but then Baekhyun retorted with a pout that he was an independent man who can do things on his own, before accidentally blurted out the real reason why he stamped the stickers at first place.

It was all based on Baekhyun’s secret of him being afraid of the dark that he didn’t want Chanyeol to know. Then he had abruptly pulled Baekhyun into a tight hug, covering Baekhyun’s eyes with his chest. Baekhyun had protested against it, but he shushed Baekhyun, telling him that he was teaching him to always remember that whenever he was alone and scared of the dark, think of it as if he was folded in his arms, like how they were at that time. Chanyeol also told him to breathe and count from one, with his heartbeat that Baekhyun was listening to as he was locked in his bear hug as the rhythm, and that Baekhyun should try to be like those stellar things in the space, still being bright and brave despite the darkness surrounding them.

“What do you think I will be, as a celestial body, if I were not a human, but an entity, a pure element, a part of the universe?” Baekhyun asked casually with a small smile, his head looking up at Chanyeol with an expression of a curious and highly interested little boy waiting for his mother to tell him a bedtime story. Chanyeol really had to trust Baekhyun to ask random but philosophical questions like he was just asking what he wanted for dinner.

Chanyeol stopped playing with his wooden stick, lost in thought for a second. But he found the answer right away after seeing the reflected pale moonlight glow in Baekhyun’s eyes and the dance of the fire mirrored on Baekhyun’s cheeks as the beautiful bright orange blush. “Since your smile and your luminary of a personality are just so bright, even at the worst times… You’re the one and only moon, because it takes the sun’s light to shine the brightest even in the darkness of night. You’re the leading light that shows me the right ways to go, along with the right things to do.”

Baekhyun hummed in approval. “Oh, that’s mesmerizing, Yeol. Then for you… I think you’re fire. For your burning passion and enthusiasm in everything you love, for your liveliness of imagination. That makes you my sky full of stars because stars are always there with me and always burning,” he chuckled. “And you can also be my shooting star as you are the one that grants all my wishes, making every day as my dreams coming true with the smiles and laughter you share with me.”

“Okay that sounds better than my version for you,” Chanyeol commented, earning a chuckle from Baekhyun. As he mused for a moment, thinking things over while picking up his grilled meat and marshmallows to place it on the plate, he realized how Baekhyun had been the one that helped him. So with a smile he added, “To make it up, you’re also the beacon of my life that illuminates and guides me where to go.” 

It was actually down to the fact that Chanyeol had so much things he wanted to do in his life and to him, Baekhyun was the drive and motivation to do it all in the best way possible. It was almost like he had his bow fully stretched and arrow ready to take flight, and Baekhyun was the one who directed him the right way to aim.

“I think now I know why I love the sky so much.” Baekhyun said as he wreathed his arms around Chanyeol’s waist, fully leaning his body on Chanyeol’s chest after a minute passed with them just looking and smiling softly at each other.

“Why?” Chanyeol asked, chuckling lightly at the sudden statement while he returned the gesture by having his arms completely covering Baekhyun’s body, grilled food totally forgotten as he hugged his small man tight.

“Because I can see you there,” Baekhyun replied simply with a fond smile as he tilted his head up, his dark chocolate hair softly brushing against Chanyeol’s neck. “A sprinkle of gleaming bright stars peppering the night skies that I love so much… it’s all you.”

“I can see us together,” Chanyeol corrected, loosening one of his arms’ hold on Baekhyun’s body just to cup Baekhyun’s cheek, softly brushing it and grinning as he saw his touch made the smile on Baekhyun’s face to grow wider. “The stars and the moon together for billions of years.”

“We’re cool.” Baekhyun laughed, earning him a simple _absolutely_ and a chuckle from Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was just biting a piece of his cooked meat when he saw Baekhyun following the movement of his hand with hunger in his eyes, so he spooned the rest to Baekhyun’s waiting mouth. Truly his baby. Then he had a spontaneous idea. “Say, Hyunnie. We should get complementary tattoos of the light and the fire.”

Baekhyun seemed to think over Chanyeol’s words, nodding while his mouth busy chewing. “Complementary tattoos?” He said after swallowing. Then suddenly he let go of their hug and sat up straight, facing Chanyeol. Then with a hint of excitement in his voice, he added, “Exceptionally ordinary and mainstream, but I like the idea. Let’s get it now then! Junmyeon hyung introduced me to his best friend who owns a tattoo parlor, he’s now my best friend also—”

“Wait, now?” Chanyeol replied, still sitting, staring up at Baekhyun in awe. To him, the idea of tattoos were something to mull over not in minutes since it was something permanently attached to your skin and his suggestion was almost just a joke at the first place, but that night he did feel a little bit dauntless and daring. Even though, to be honest, he was _a little bit_ scared of prickly needles. “Now as in _now_?”

“Yeah, of course. I think of the tattoos like a way of keeping you inside, etched in my skin forever.” Baekhyun trailed, his fingers absent-mindedly tracing star shapes in the air. Chanyeol was certain underneath those innocent, warm mug of hot chocolate eyes lay a poet, because he didn’t see tattoos from that perspective before.

“Oi! Don’t tell me you’re afraid of getting a tattoo, Yeol?” Baekhyun teased, smirking impishly, after seeing Chanyeol was still sitting down, gaping at him with wide eyes full of astonishment.

“M-Me? _Me_ , s-scared? Of course not!” Chanyeol quickly defended himself, face contorted into an offended one, but mouth still pouting and cheeks bubbling from the marshmallow he was still chewing cutely.

“Then let’s go!” Baekhyun laughed, jokingly squished Chanyeol’s face. Then he grabbed Chanyeol’s hands and pulled him into his feet. “The tattoos could also be a reminder of our successful hike to Seoraksan’s summit!”

“That sounds much cooler,” Chanyeol replied, more sure to get the tattoos with the new perspectives Baekhyun offered. “Okay, let's go! I’ll take care of our camping gears and then I’ll get my truck ready in a sec.”

“Then I’ll just put our food back inside, and we’ll meet here again.” Baekhyun suggested with a smile, already packing the cooked food, both hands holding their blankets and Chanyeol’s guitar.

Following Baekhyun’s lead, Chanyeol extinguished their campfire and started to dismantle the tent, carefully putting all of their camping gears inside the garage.

Five minutes later, they were done and the backyard was back to its original state save for some ashes from their fire. Baekhyun was already waiting, leaning his arms on the hood of Chanyeol’s truck, which was parked in the garage, waiting for Chanyeol to start the engine.

It took a minute for Chanyeol to find his keys—with the help of Baekhyun who had pointed out said keys were dangling from the taller man’s belt—and start the ignition. Only by then, not long after the sound of the truck’s engine started to rumble softly alongside the sounds of the night creatures. 

Done with tidying up their things, Baekhyun moved to the side of the truck, waiting patiently for Chanyeol’s sign to get in. Not long after, Chanyeol gave him a thumbs-up, and as he was trying to open the car door, the tall man ran hurriedly from the driver's side to reach him and stopped him from getting in.

“Wait, almost forgot! I am your knight in shining armor,” Chanyeol announced in an exaggerated tone, as he bowed jokingly. “Therefore I will always open the door for my prince.” He declared, opening the truck’s door for Baekhyun. They chuckled at the reenactment, remembering the same scenario when Chanyeol gave a piggyback ride across the bridge back at Seoraksan’s Biseondae trail.

As expectedly playing along, Baekhyun returned the bow before he replied with a hilarious impersonation of a prince’s frilly accent. “Oh yes. Thank you, my knight.”

After their laughing session ended and Chanyeol managed to tuck the seat belt safely around Baekhyun's torso—after several times failing to do so due to Baekhyun’s restless joking by kissing the taller man’s lips—the driver for the night shut the passenger’s door and hurried to the driver’s seat before driving the truck out to the road.

The night’s traffic wasn’t bad, the roads were almost empty from vehicles since it was midnight. It didn’t take long for Chanyeol to find the tattoo parlor, with Baekhyun telling him the direction. They spent the time of the journey again talking about their latest hiking trip or the tattoos they were about to get and singing broken bits of the songs played on the radio, while having the truck’s windows rolled down halfway to let the spring night’s air washed over them.

“Yeol, our moon and stars talk reminds me of this,” Baekhyun piped up, after he was finished laughing and teasing Chanyeol about his phobia of needles, which made the tall man sulk for a while before grinning again from getting a kiss on the cheek as a consolation. Then he pushed a cassette into the stereo set in Chanyeol’s truck. Grinning ear to ear, he turned his body to face Chanyeol. “Ready, Yeol?"

Chanyeol chuckled at how Baekhyun was particularly fond of doing car karaoke with their favorite songs, which was actually ranked number one on their list of their favorite things to do during a drive.

A few seconds later, Barry White’s 1974 song _You’re The First, The Last, My Everything_ started to fill the air.

“Ready!” Chanyeol replied in delight, grinning just the same when he recognized the song’s orchestra intro. This was another favorite song they loved to dance to, when they just wanted to dance with no care around their apartment or even when they were cleaning the space together with their mop and broom as their microphone stands. Then, imitating Barry White’s deep, bass-baritone voice that always succeeded in making Baekhyun laugh, he started to recite the intro.

_We got it together didn’t we?  
We’ve definitely got our thing together, don’t we baby?  
Isn’t that nice?_

Chanyeol momentarily turned his head towards Baekhyun to gently caress Baekhyun’s cheeks and gave him his playful smirk. At his very convincing imitation of the African-American singer’s singing style, Baekhyun laughed and clapped loudly, giving him two thumbs up. Then he continued reciting the intro, once in a while looking over to see the thoroughly amused look on Baekhyun’s face.

_I mean, really, when you really sit and think about it  
Isn’t it really, really nice?  
I can easily feel myself slipping in more and more ways  
In a simple world of my own  
Nobody but you… and me  
We got it together, babe_

Then, leaning a bit to Baekhyun’s side while still keeping his eyes on the road, Chanyeol started to sing the first line.

_My first, my last, my everything  
and the answer to all my dreams,  
You’re my sun, my moon, my guiding star,  
My kind of wonderful, that’s what you are_

Chanyeol sang the lines while pointing at Baekhyun at the words _my sun, my moon_ , while in turn Baekhyun pointed at him as he sang _my guiding star_ , and together they pointed at each other when they harmonized _my kind of wonderful, that’s what you are_.

Laughing, Baekhyun returned the gesture by leaning towards Chanyeol’s side, before he started to harmonize with Chanyeol and sang the next lines together with the tall man.

_I know there’s only, only one like you  
There’s no way they could have made two  
You’re all I’m living for, your love I’ll keep forevermore  
My first, you’re the last, my everything_

Somehow even when they were joking around while singing the song, still he found the truth of the lines in Baekhyun and everything he had brought along in the last two days of their trip—even more than that, since the first time they had known each other four years ago. And of course, as always he only wanted the small man to know about how he had played a major role in changing the course of his life, and how grateful he was for it.

“You know, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol started. With his left hand still firmly holding the steering wheel, he reached his right hand to hold Baekhyun’s left hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the knuckles and the back of the palm softly. “Mr. White is correct about you—how you’re my one and only, and how I chose you because no one else makes sense.”

Baekhyun smiled, eyes staring long at Chanyeol—who could feel the warmth of the stare even just from observing it on his peripheral vision. Then suddenly he flicked his fingers, as if getting a brilliant idea, and started to laugh. “You know, Yeol, Mr. White also said the same thing about you… and this time, it’s about how you are my everything.”

“Really?” Chanyeol laughed along, especially at how Baekhyun managed to copy his sentences for him, but as always creating his own magnificent lines that he treasured the most with it. Then after he looked to their left and right to do a U-turn, he took another glance at Baekhyun’s face, finding a hint of a smirk as if the small man had a secret for him. “How do you know?”

“It’s from how everything just naturally falls back into place. Every piece of puzzles coming together. Everything finally makes sense…” Baekhyun replied right away, before he crawled a little bit to the driver’s seat to kiss Chanyeol’s cheeks, which succeeded in making the driving man chuckle. This time on his face there was a fond smile that seemed to say how he was saying the truth, while from his eyes a soft look was shining and telling how much he wanted Chanyeol to know about it. “All when I’m with you.”

To that Chanyeol had to do a double take on Baekhyun’s smiling face—he almost stopped the truck if it weren’t for a car driving close behind them—again still so surprised albeit having seen for numerous times how the wonder worked in Baekhyun’s hands, again he was left in awe at how Baekhyun turned his words into much finer sentences, again seeing Baekhyun returning the love he gave him in better ways…

Then, with Baekhyun pretending he was the pianist with his fingers deftly moving around the dashboard as if he was pressing the black and white keys of his electric piano, and Chanyeol using the steering wheel as his drums, they sang together following the rhythm complete with their heads bobbing up and down, and their bodies dancing along by swaying side to side following the happy beats of the song.

_And with you I’ve found so many things  
A love so new, only you could bring  
Can’t you see it’s you?  
You make me feel this way  
You’re like a first morning dew on a brand new day_

“I’m so lucky to have the only one Byun Baekhyun in the world.” Chanyeol confessed truthfully, with the thumb of his other hand momentarily rubbing the back of Baekhyun’s hand. After all Baekhyun had done for him, that was all he could say when he was always truly left speechless by Baekhyun. “As I wake up every day, seeing your face I can feel a sense of a fresh start, a blank new page of the journal of my life’s journey.”

Chuckling, Baekhyun parroted Chanyeol’s words again as he tightened his grip on Chanyeol’s hand. “And I’m so lucky to have the only one Park Chanyeol in the world. Every time the sun rises, you bring along delight into my days.”

Again the words Baekhyun said hit that particularly tender spot in Chanyeol’s heart, like a switch filling him with warm feelings. But there was just one special thing Baekhyun did that just constantly successful in turning him into a soft mush of feelings and just—he didn’t have any other word for it—very much in love with the small man. “Hyunnie—you and the way beautiful words just flow so easily from your mouth—”

“I’m just mirroring what you’re doing, don’t you realize? So you’re the real genius here, Yeol,” Baekhyun cut Chanyeol short with his laughter, with his hand bringing Chanyeol’s hand to rest on his chest, on top of his beating heart, half hugging it. “My favorite genius.”

While looking and smiling at each other, with Baekhyun belting out his smooth falsetto and Chanyeol harmonizing with his sultry baritone voice, they continued to sing the last lines with Mr. White.

_I see so many ways that I  
Can love you ‘til the day I die  
You’re my reality, yet I’m lost in a dream  
You’re the first, you’re the last, my everything_

This time it was Baekhyun’s turn to talk first. As he brought up their linked hands near to his lips, he kissed the back of Chanyeol’s hand gently. “Thank you for loving me and making my life a dream came true.”

“Thank you for giving me all the reasons available for me to love you and the power to make our dreams come true.” Chanyeol replied easily, his heart and mind won all over again by the sight of Baekhyun closing his eyes as the latter softly kissed his hand, and how the warmth of Baekhyun’s lips on his hand lingered.

“It’s just like what Mr. White said then, Yeol.” Baekhyun grinned after he brought down their hands for his fingers to play with Chanyeol’s idly, intertwining them with his and caressing the knuckle with his thumb. 

Somehow to the sight of a sudden grin on Baekhyun’s face, Chanyeol chuckled as he let go of their hands for a second to change gears before holding Baekhyun’s hand again, his interest peaked at how the small man looked as if he had a big plan forming in his mind. “What is it this time?”

Then out of nowhere, with an impressive impersonation of Barry White and a suave look on his face, Baekhyun sang a line from the intro. “We got it together didn’t we? We’ve definitely got our thing together, don’t we baby? Isn’t that nice?”

This time Chanyeol almost let go of the steering wheel from the intensity of his laughter. Then he followed Baekhyun’s lead and continued the line. “Nobody but you… and me, we got it together, babe.”

Then they ended the song with more of their laughter as Chanyeol once again imitated Barry White’s voice and spoke the outro of the song.

As they were nearing their destination, Chanyeol raised a question at Baekhyun. “Mr. White said the moon, that’s you,” he pointed at the small man, “Then the guiding stars, that’s me…” he pointed at himself. Then he frowned slightly. “But what about the sun?”

“I don’t know…” Baekhyun replied, humming as a confused look appeared on his face. Then suddenly he turned his head to face Chanyeol again, and as a mischievous smile replaced his confused look, he added, “Maybe… our kids?”

The words Baekhyun said succeeded in making Chanyeol choke by his own saliva and left him spluttering uncontrollably, his face redder than the red light they just passed. Seeing Baekhyun smiling genuinely at him as if he indicated they would get married soon—and have kids, while they were at it—he couldn’t help but for his heart to soar into cloud nine at the hidden promise Baekhyun gave him.

For obvious reasons they managed to take the wrong turn twice because Baekhyun was busy teasing Chanyeol about the promise Chanyeol said back at Seoraksan summit—when would he got proposed, when they would be getting married and when they would be getting kids together—that made him forgot to tell which road to take to Chanyeol, but they arrived alright.

They finally arrived at the street the tattoo parlor was located, and Chanyeol parked his truck not far from it. The place was in the size of a small, two-stories shop with mansard roof, colorful graffitied black walls and tall, clear windows. A neon sign that said _Life in Technicolor_ in typewriter font and a vintage looking brass door greeted them.

As Chanyeol pushed the door open, a bell rang signaling his and Baekhyun’s arrival. The tattoo parlor was empty, save for some tables and tattoo units separated in private cubicles At a first glance they thought no one was inside even though the _We’re Open!_ sign was hanging in front of the door and there was an old music player that filled the otherwise silent space with slightly subdued tones of music.

Stacked carefully on top of old books and novels, the music player was playing a song Chanyeol could recognize from its familiar rock-and-roll Rockabilly style from the 50s, heavy beats and simple melodies. It turned out to be Queen’s 1979 song _Crazy Little Thing Called Love_.

_This thing  
Called love  
It cries  
In a cradle all night  
It swings  
It jives  
It shakes all over like a jelly fish  
I kinda like it  
Crazy little thing called love_

After a full minute of just turning their heads around, looking for a sign of life in the seemingly empty tattoo parlor, they decided to call it a night and maybe try in the next day. They were about to walk out when—

“Hello! What can I help you?”

Hearing voice and sensing fingers with no face or body poking on their shoulders, both Chanyeol and Baekhyun screamed loudly and jumped from shock, trying to hug and shield each other from whatever was coming for them. Looking back, they saw a man with short, light brown hair, a dimpled smile, sleepy eyes, and a completely innocent face that could easily fool people, greeting them from behind.

“Oh my—I didn’t know you guys are so jumpy!” The man exclaimed with a calm and amused face, glancing from the petrified Baekhyun to the collapsed Chanyeol on the floor before laughing heartily. “I was sitting motionlessly behind the table right next to the door, I thought you guys saw me but when I saw you two leaving, I decided to tap lightly on your shoulders.”

“Yixing hyung! You did shock us, we didn’t see you, you know.” Baekhyun replied as he was the first to recover, giving a hand to Chanyeol who was trying to stand up, still staring at Yixing with unbelieving eyes.

“Sorry,” Yixing replied, but his expression and laugh said otherwise, he seemed to enjoy making people’s heart to leapt out of their bodies. “And who are you coming with tonight, Baekhyun?” He whispered loudly, still with the innocent look fully displayed on his face.

“Oh right, I haven’t introduced you two. Chanyeol, meet Zhang Yixing hyung, the tattoo parlor owner and also our tattoo artist for tonight. Yixing hyung, meet Park Chanyeol the boyfriend, my other half.” Baekhyun introduced, smiling generously as he brought both men’s right hands together.

Chanyeol, who had regained his composure, shook hands with Yixing before they bowed slightly towards each other. “Please take care of us, hyung.” He said to Yixing politely, smiling with his signature all teeth grin.

_I gotta be cool, relax, get hip  
And get on my tracks  
Take a back seat, hitch-hike  
And take a long ride on my motorbike  
Until I'm ready  
Crazy little thing called love_

“Sure, Chanyeol,” Yixing replied, smiling back at the couple. “It’s a pleasure to be your tattoo artist for tonight! Don’t worry, you’re in safe hands.”

When Chanyeol turned his back to look at the tattoo designs Yixing drawn, hanged and displayed on the wall, he heard Yixing whispered—again, loudly—to Baekhyun a _nice catch, Baek!_ which Baekhyun replied back with a hushed whisper of an embarrassed _Yixing hyung! Shush!_ that made him laugh a little.

“So, now what can I do for you guys?” Yixing said, cheery smile and deep dips of dimples intact in his face just for the couple, after Chanyeol had turned his back again to face him.

“Um, we want complimentary tattoos. It’s Chanyeol’s idea. Isn’t my boyfriend sweet, hyung?” Baekhyun cooed as he reached out his hands to squeeze both of Chanyeol’s cheeks, causing Chanyeol to be dragged down because of his pull.

Chanyeol reddened at Baekhyun’s words and how he could hear a sense of pride in Baekhyun’s voice when he told Yixing that he’s his boyfriend. For the cheeks business, he usually didn’t allow people to do it, but only for Baekhyun he’d let him. After Baekhyun showed no sign of letting his cheeks go, and he saw how Yixing seemed trying to hold back from bursting out his laugh at them, he took a hold on Baekhyun’s wrists to loosen the grip gently. Whispering and blushing profusely, he whispered, “Hyunnie, let go. Yixing hyung is watching us.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll let you go.” Baekhyun pouted, his shoulder slouched. Then he slowly shuffled his way out to the tattoo parlor’s door and waved sadly. “Bye, Yeol.”

“Hyunnie—” Chanyeol called worriedly as he tailed behind Baekhyun and took a hold again the latter’s hands. “I didn’t mean let go as in _leaving me_ let go!”

“So what did you mean?” Baekhyun turned around, closing the door again. His pout stayed on his face, his jutted out lower lip wobbled, eyebrows frowning adorably. “You said _let go_ so let go I did!”

_There goes my baby  
He knows how to rock ‘n’ roll  
He drives me crazy  
He gives me hot and cold fever  
Then he leaves me in a cool, cool sweat_

“I meant let go of _my cheeks_ , Hyunnie,” Chanyeol chuckled at the sight of his baby in front of him, opting to get the baby into a hug by pulling his hands. “My cheeks, not me.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun made a circular cave with his mouth. But then he pouted again and retaliated, “But it wasn’t my fault you only said _let go_!”

They continued bickering again with the pouting smaller one looking up at the laughing taller one, just like kindergartens fighting over which number was bigger between one and two.

Yixing laughed at the behavior of two kids in front of him. He cleared his throat, the sound he created effective in stopping the two. "Okay! Next, any design for your tattoos? Any ideas?” His hands clasped in front of his chest, eyes eager, ready to work.

Like clockwork, Baekhyun immediately turned to Chanyeol as he went to cling onto the taller man’s arms. “What do you think, Yeol?”

Automatically draping his arms on Baekhyun’s shoulder, Chanyeol turned his head to Baekhyun. “Wait a sec, Hyunnie, first let me hear what do you think.”

Yixing laughed again at the sight in front of him. Then he quipped, “It’s so adorably amusing to see how you two really can change in a second while mirroring each other.”

Both Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s cheeks turned red at Yixing’s comment and laughed at it before going back to business.

Then Baekhyun hummed, putting up his thinking face with his right hand on his chin. “Hyung, we kind of didn’t make designs, we just want a fire and a light—”

“Oh!” Chanyeol exclaimed suddenly, one hand with his index finger up, “I just had an idea! Why don’t we get a star, a moon, a fire and a light?” He looked over to Baekhyun and Yixing, asking their opinions for his suggestion, his eyes wide open with a hint of delight, and a big smile plastered on his face.

“Yeol, as much as cute as it sounds, it’s a lot and are you sure you can bear the pain?” Baekhyun asked, wincing slightly as he chuckled at an overexcited Chanyeol.

After a second thought, imagining the amount of pain for four tattoos at the same time made Chanyeol shudder. “Ah—right. What should we do about it?”

“You guys can split it into two, you know.” Yixing piped up, supplying an idea. Baekhyun nodded at that, agreeing with the tattoo artist.

Chanyeol thought over Yixing’s idea for a minute before, again, exclaimed loudly, almost making Baekhyun and Yixing jump, his face showing ardent enthusiasm, “Why don’t we make it poetic? I can get a moon and light, representing you—” then his eyes moved to fix on Baekhyun’s.

Automatically Baekhyun turned his body to face Chanyeol, getting where Chanyeol’s idea lead to, his face in amazement at how brilliant the idea was and added, “—And I can get a star and fire, representing you,” his eyes never leaving Chanyeol’s, “We can get it at our intertwined hands, you can get it at your right hand and I can get it on my left hand, so—”

Then Chanyeol turned his body to face Baekhyun again while smiling widely, happy that Baekhyun was quick to understand his concept, and added, “—So whenever we hold our hands together the tattoos are going to meet and line with each other—”

“—And for the exact spot it can be near our vena radialis—the pulse on our wrists—so it will always be beating along with our hearts.” Baekhyun finished with a big smile plastered on his face, cheeks bulging and shining under the room’s fluorescent lights.

“That way we’ll always have each other with us.” Chanyeol said, dreamy eyes looking at nothing but Baekhyun’s eyes as his arms went to wrap Baekhyun’s body. Baekhyun hugged him back and they stayed like that for God knows how long, just looking and smiling sweetly at each other.

Yixing could only observe the two in silence, chuckling to himself. He waited for another minute before clearing his throat, disrupting the couple and said, “Great minds think alike. Aren’t you two a perfect fit of puzzles to admire?”

That made the tall and small couple’s cheeks reddened furiously and in embarrassment they tried to get away from each other, but ended up accidentally bumping each other’s shoulders—an _ouch, it hurts Yeol!_ was soon heard followed by a string of bickering sounds; then a _shut up it’s your fault, Hyunnie._ They were about to start another argument on who bumped who first, so while chuckling Yixing cleared his throat again to interrupt the duo. “Shall we get started then?”

Yixing let the couple to transform their ideas into designs of the tattoos first—the process produced doodles of a shooting star ablaze with flames on its ends and tiny other stars around it for Baekhyun, and a smiling half-moon with clouds swirling here and there with light sparkles circling it for Chanyeol, all in the size of a coin—which Yixing refined, finalized and perfected at the end.

_This thing called love, I just can’t handle it  
This thing called love, I must get ‘round to it  
I ain’t ready_

The tattooing process didn’t take too much of their time. Yixing, being a skillful artist, drew Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s tattoo designs with a specific marker on their skin perfectly as per their request in a zap.

So Baekhyun went first with Chanyeol hovering beside him, holding his unoccupied hand as if he needed it, when in reality Chanyeol was the one afraid and screaming for his behalf. Throughout the time when Yixing worked his way on the skin of his left wrist, he mostly laughed at Chanyeol’s constantly wincing face, which also served as a distraction from the slight uncomfortable prickling of the needle on his skin.

Next was Chanyeol’s turn, it took a while for Yixing and Baekhyun to seat him down the tattoo unit, for the fact that he kept saying panicked _w-wait!_ or diverting Yixing’s concentration by asking the tattoo artist anything about the safety of everything every time the needle of the tattoo gun came close with his skin.

It was only after Yixing gave the two a tour to the back room to see the autoclave for sterilization of his instruments to assure Chanyeol everything was clean and sterile, and Baekhyun performed continuous whispers of encouragement near Chanyeol’s ears and relaxing caresses on Chanyeol’s thighs, then the tall man was ensured enough to sit still on the tattoo unit.

“I’m not ready—wait—” Chanyeol said for the fifth time, trying to find any way to delay and keep away the scary looking thin needle of Yixing’s tattoo gun from his skin. This time on his head he only got his Mr. Mercury’s words from the song that was currently playing at the tattoo parlor. “Freddie Mercury said he’s not ready too—”

_Crazy little thing called love  
Crazy little thing called love, yeah yeah yeah_

“Yeol,” Baekhyun laughed as he sat himself next to the tattoo unit Chanyeol was lying on with Yixing sitting across him, chuckling at them. “Mr. Mercury also said he got to be cool and relax.”

“Okay, I’m ready,” Chanyeol took a deep breath and huffed it all out. But when the tip of the needle of Yixing’s tattoo gun was only a few millimeters away, he halted, “Wait—I, uh—”

“Chanyeol, don’t mind me, just look at Baekhyun.” Yixing said in the background, almost whispering as he busied himself wearing gloves and preparing the ink and the needle for the tattoo gun.

“Hey. Yeol, look at me,” Baekhyun said, calming Chanyeol down with a warm smile and a cool touch on Chanyeol’s forehead. Then slowly he brushed away the beads of cold sweat on it while combing Chanyeol’s fringe up. “Look into my eyes.”

“Hyunnie?” Chanyeol called as he craned his head to the left, searching for Baekhyun’s eyes. And right at the moment their eyes met, he felt as if he was transported back to the first time he had the chance to look into those two zircon orbs and was held under its spell since.

“I’m sitting right here next to you. Don’t worry,” Baekhyun said as he scooted closer, almost hovering over Chanyeol. This way, they had their bodies and heads almost touching. Then as he grinned, he cooed, “Here’s my lullaby for my giant baby.”

“Hyunnie,” Even from hearing Baekhyun’s voice, Chanyeol could smile and feel the fast pace of his heartbeat slowing down as his nervousness ebbed away. Somehow saying Baekhyun’s name could also really help him calming himself down, so that was what he continued to do. “Hyunnie.”

“Yeol, baby. I’m here.” Baekhyun smiles as he repeatedly caressed Chanyeol’s forehead with his feathery touches, softly combing the phthalo blue fringe back with his fingers. Then with his voice set to the gentlest tone, he started to sing.

_Let the stars fade and fall  
And I won’t care at all  
As long as I have you_

It took only a few seconds for Chanyeol to know another Elvis song Baekhyun loved to sing for him before they go to bed, Elvis Presley’s 1958 song _As Long As I Have You_ , had finally make its appearance, the last of _yeah, yeah, yeah_ in Freddie Mercury’s own distinctive growling baritone voice was completely drained away, and replaced by Baekhyun’s the soft singing voice that somehow filled the entirety of the tattoo parlor.

With Baekhyun’s singing floating in the air and filling his mind, Yixing’s presence and the low hum of the tattoo gun were completely forgotten as Chanyeol locked his eyes with Baekhyun’s, transfixed and mesmerized by the tender look shining from the orbs. He felt as if there were just the two of them…

“Even if the stars do fall, I’m not worried, I’ll find them again in you,” Baekhyun started, smiling softly. Then his right hand found its way to hold Chanyeol’s left hand and started to draw continuous circles on the back of it with his thumb, right at the same time Yixing started to work his way on Chanyeol’s skin. “Like the moon etched in your wrist and the stars in mine, in the skies of our hearts our story will be written together for the longest time.”

“That’s so beautiful, Hyunnie…” Chanyeol whispered. But then he winced a bit, feeling the breach of the ink from the needle’s tip coming in contact with his skin despite the topical analgesic cream working its doses. It almost made him want to check on his hand, but there was no way he could look away from Baekhyun’s magnetizing dark mahogany eyes, so only into those orbs he kept his eyes on.

“Not more than you are, Yeol,” Baekhyun said again as his smile grew wider on seeing Chanyeol relaxing to his words and his caresses, the tall man only seeing into his eyes. “That’s it, just look at me, baby.” 

Then, with his hand administering calming strokes on Chanyeol’s arm, Baekhyun continued his singing. 

_Every kiss brings a thrill  
And I know that it will  
As long as I have you_

“Be it a light kiss on my cheeks or a gentle hold of your hand, or even just a look of your eyes, in you I’ll always find my delight,” Baekhyun said. Then after one last caress on Chanyeol’s forehead, he moved his newly inked left hand to gently cup Chanyeol’s cheeks to move Chanyeol’s head to his direction and to direct Chanyeol’s line of vision to his face. “In everything you do, you bring along with you happiness to everyone around you, at any place and just any time, and that’s why I love you.”

“I love you lots, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol replied immediately as he rubbed his cheek gently onto Baekhyun’s palm, while closing his eyes and leaning into the warm touch more. There was no other sound heard by his ears except for Baekhyun’s voice, and even without him trying at all, his senses focused themselves to see, hear and feel only Baekhyun. “I’ll kiss you, hold your hand and stare into your eyes anytime you want to.”

“Thank you, Yeol. I’ll treasure each of it.” Baekhyun smiled wide as he brought Chanyeol’s hand to his face, placing Chanyeol’s palm on his cheek with his nose scrunched up just like a kitten, his face showing contentment and cheeks rising up into full plumpness—that made Chanyeol coo in his mind—before letting his voice fill the air again.

_Let’s think of the future  
Forget the past  
You’re not my first love  
But you’re my last_

“Wait, Hyunnie—I’m not your—” Chanyeol spluttered, unconsciously almost taking his right hand Yixing was drawing on from the armrest if it weren’t for the tattooist’s firm hold on it. 

“You’re not my first,” Baekhyun replied, all of a sudden using his most flat and almost indignant voice, while turning away his face away from Chanyeol’s, even though strangely he sounded like he was choking on something. “Sorry, Yeol.”

Of course Chanyeol could understand if he wasn’t the first, and even though he was afraid to hear the answer that surely would never be in his favor, he couldn’t help himself to ask who had managed to steal Baekhyun’s heart for the first time. Slightly feeling hurt both on his heart and his currently tattooed skin, again he spluttered, “T-Then who’s your first love?”

“Of course my first love are my mum and my dad and Seohyun nuna,” Baekhyun assured as he turned his face again to look at Chanyeol, laughing heartily with his eyes turning into crescents and the orbs of his cheeks turning into two glistening suns. It seemed like he had turned his face away to hide his laughter at Chanyeol’s wounded puppy look. “So technically you’re the second, even though of course you are the first one—and the only one, really—who gets to keep my heart. So don’t worry, Yeol.”

“Hyunnie…” Chanyeol unconsciously breathed out in relief, with a smile finally appearing again on his face.

“Jealous much?” Baekhyun teased as he saw the utterly relieved look on Chanyeol’s face, momentarily stopping his strokes on Chanyeol’s arm while his laughter grew louder. “Don’t worry, I assure you that you’re really my number one. But you should’ve seen your face, Yeol! You looked so adorable being all jealous but still very much adorable, just like an envious puppy, I think I’ll give more pranks like this again later in the future.”

“Hyunnie!” Chanyeol sulked. But with his heart calmed down by Baekhyun’s answer, he finally let out a laugh, letting his laughter to mix with Baekhyun’s, feeling just slightly embarrassed at the thought of him getting envious of Baekhyun’s family. “But I-I’m not j-jealous or worrying at all, I was just asking.”

“Alright, just as an addition to soothe your heart then, if you’re not worried. I’ll let you know that I’ll keep you as close as I can to me,” Baekhyun added with his soothing voice, even though still laughing lightly as if saying he knew what Chanyeol felt in his heart and had in mind. “I’ll bring you with me just so I can have you in my days in the future, and you can be a part of my firsts later on.”

Chanyeol let out another set of hearty laughter. And as their laughter mixed and filled the space of the tattoo parlor, Baekhyun continued singing again.

_Take the love that I bring  
Then I’ll have everything  
As long as I have you_

“At the end of the day, all the love in me, it’s for us to share and for you to keep,” Baekhyun said, this time as he intertwined their hands, he brought Chanyeol’s free arm close to his body before placing it on top of his chest and near his heart. “Because you’re my everything.”

Even though he knew he was lying on Yixing’s tattoo unit, Chanyeol could feel as if he was back at their dorm and cuddling on the bed with Baekhyun singing him to sleep, from the way he could feel Baekhyun’s heartbeat on his hand and Baekhyun’s body warmth surrounding him.

Then with a soothing, soft whisper right on Chanyeol’s ears, Baekhyun sang the last line.

_Just as long, as long as I have you_

“And as long as I have you, nothing can take me away from you and nothing can change the way I’ll always love you,” Baekhyun whispered quietly just so only Chanyeol could hear him as he tightened his grip on their linked hands. Then he planted a soft kiss on Chanyeol’s cheek before he continued, “You have my heart and that way you’ll always have me with you.”

Again shown to Chanyeol one of the extraordinary characteristic Baekhyun owned: Baekhyun’s accurate knack to effectively calm him down, with a voice so sweet, touches so gentle and a smile so hypnotizing that always managed to tone down any storm that tried to steal away, to the point the beat of his heart followed the tempo of the small man’s singing.

Suddenly, Yixing was back on Chanyeol’s line of vision. With a dimpled smile he announced his appearance again with a cough that made the couple slightly jump up from shock and piped, “Chanyeol, you’re done.”

“D-Done? I’m really done?” Somehow through the whole tattooing process Chanyeol didn’t notice any pain, and only after Yixing said that he was good to go did he realize his tattoo was already completed, drawn with the black permanent ink. As he unwillingly broke his eye contact with Baekhyun, the spell too was broken and he felt as if he finally stepped back into the earth after flying up high at the space. “Thank you, Yixing hyung.”

“There you go. Good job, Yeol,” Baekhyun said before he pulled up their linked hands to his mouth and gave another soft kiss on the back of Chanyeol’s hand. “We’re done.”

“Hyunnie, I’m done!” Chanyeol replied enthusiastically, automatically wrapping his arms around Baekhyun’s body to pull him closer and give him a tight bear hug, prompting the small man to laugh. “We’re done!”

After making sure all of the tattoos were done and checked thoroughly, Yixing applied antiseptics and more analgesic cream on their wrists, making their inked skin looking as if it were polished.

With many thanks, jovial good byes, promises to come back for another set of tattoos were said, and Chanyeol and Yixing were done with their sudden bowing competition, both Chanyeol and Baekhyun decided it was time to go back to their camping site.

The fresh cold night air greeted them after they went out from Yixing’s tattoo parlor, and their walk to Chanyeol’s car was full with them chatting about their now plastered and bundled tattoos on their wrists.

They stopped in front of Chanyeol’s truck, leaning their bodies against its cap to enjoy a little bit of the town’s view at night. Chanyeol tried to point how beautiful the constellation of the stars both at the sky and Baekhyun’s wrist, but Baekhyun kept imitating his horrified face while cackling so hard, body bended into two from the intense laughter, with him sulking at first before giving up to make Baekhyun feel bad and joining him to laugh with him.

“Hey Yeol,” Baekhyun said between his laugh, trying to get Chanyeol’s attention back. When Chanyeol stopped his laugh to focus on him, he pointed up to the dark sky far above them, his arm fully stretched. “Look! I found our favorite star. It’s night’s brightest star, Sirius. Look up.”

“Oh really? Where?” Chanyeol turned his head towards the part of the sky Baekhyun pointed, tilting his head high. But after glancing to every direction, he didn’t find the star that he knew was the brightest one in near vicinity. “Where, Hyunnie?”

“It’s up there,” Baekhyun persisted, pushing Chanyeol’s back to make the tall man walked a few steps in front of him. A few seconds later, he chuckled. “It’s in the direction of Canis Major. Seen it yet?”

The chuckle Baekhyun let out made Chanyeol grow suspicious. He would spot it right away if the star that was believed in classical mythology were a transformation of Icarus’ faithful dog showed itself up in the sky. So he turned his head to recheck where Baekhyun pointed his finger again.

“Hyunnie, where?” Chanyeol asked again, but instead of finding Baekhyun pointing at the sky, he found the small man pointing at him while grinning in victory. Then he gave Baekhyun a knowing smile and a look that meant to say _okay, explain_ that Baekhyun himself used to send him every time he flirt-joked Baekhyun.

“What? I wasn’t lying! You’re really up there in the sky, remember how you’re always calling me small? Now I’m throning you as the tallest man in the world,” Baekhyun replied easily, continuing his laughter. Then he jumped to give Chanyeol a surprise kiss on the cheek before he looked down to inspect his own tattoos again, with his own cheeks reddening. “But really… you’re my brightest star anyway.”

Then at the same time they burst out laughing as in time they reached for each other’s hands, before walking back to Chanyeol’s truck, leaning on its cap again while they held hands. Chanyeol smiled as he caressed his still burning cheek from Baekhyun’s kiss. “Thank you, Hyunnie. I love you.”

Not long after their laughter subsided, suddenly Baekhyun looked up, his face serious and gaze staring hard into Chanyeol’s eyes. “I may not always love you…”

The out of the blue sentence wiped away the last bit of Chanyeol’s laugh and what the words meant almost stopped his heart from beating. With a look of worry pasted on his face, he asked, “What do you mean—”

“But as long there are stars above you… you’ll never need to doubt it,” Baekhyun quickly sang the next words in a familiar tune, not giving a chance for Chanyeol to intervene while chuckling at the sight of a thoroughly shocked Chanyeol. “I’ll make you so sure about it.”

Listening to the sentences sang in such a soft voice that he heard again for the second time in that night made Chanyeol realize Baekhyun was just teasing him. Even more, the words made a smile bloom on his face. “Hyunnie.”

“God only knows what I’d be without you.” Baekhyun finished his singing with a small smile and a soft look on his eyes that both radiated so much sincerity. He had a firm but gentle grip on both of Chanyeol’s hands, thumbs drawing soothing patterns while still taking notice not to press on Chanyeol’s newly inked wrist, which seemed to ask him to believe what he was saying for him.

Only by the last line Baekhyun sang then Chanyeol recognized where did the rhythm and the words come from. “But that’s—”

“The Beach Boys’ 1966 rock ballad song, _God Only Knows_?” Baekhyun cut in quickly as his smile grew wider, gleaming eyes only staring at Chanyeol’s and fingers playing gently with Chanyeol’s. “Yes.”

To the fact that Baekhyun returned his little surprise when they were lying side by side on their tent and discussing about Mr. Sagan’s words about how they were each other’s universe in such a proficient way to continually assert the small man’s pure love and genuine feelings for him… it was all Chanyeol needed to prove his hypothesis that Baekhyun was really his universe. “Yeah, but that’s also—”

“Another favorite song of yours?” Baekhyun cut in yet again, his broad smile turning into a grin and hearty laughter that made his cheeks bulge up and eyes forming half moons. It seemed like he knew what he was doing in purpose and had prepared it all along for Chanyeol, copying what Chanyeol did for him back at Seoraksan’s camping grounds. “Yes.”

“Hyunnie…” Chanyeol breathed out. Being rendered speechless again and again made a conclusion to arrive in his mind. To him, for the fact that Baekhyun was the wonder that blessed his life and just kept on creating magic unceasingly, it made his prayer in every second of his days to be for God to let him keep Baekhyun right by his side, for him to be able to take care of Baekhyun and make sure the small man was always happy.

“I think the song is saying the truth. Even though we might not be in the same place, I know I’ll find you. Everywhere and anytime I’m needing you. So I don’t need to worry,” Baekhyun spoke again, this time moving Chanyeol’s hand that he had been holding to rest on top of his heart, slightly hugging it. “Our tattoos… it’s like the way people carve their names on the bark of trees with a pocket knife, we too have a part of each other permanently sealed on our skin. But really, the honest words we say to each other, the sincere things we do solely for each other, the memories we created together—all of those that make their way to stay in our hearts and minds in a much more infinite, everlasting way than anything else… that shows how we’ll always be together through life, you know?”

“And the things I said along Mr. Presley’s song and Mrs. Browning’s poem… I didn’t say it just to give you fake reassurances. I really do mean it, every single word,” Baekhyun continued, his smile so fond it brought all of his face’s soft features. “As long as I have you and your heart… I don’t need anything else because I already have everything, and my love for you goes into a much farther extent even after all of the life in this world,” he gestured to their surrounding with his free hand, chuckling, “Are gone.”

The warmth of Baekhyun’s words enveloped Chanyeol better than any blanket would do and the way Baekhyun’s dark mahogany eyes looked into his so tenderly warmed him even more than any other person, any blanket or any mug of steaming hot chocolate. The man in front of him didn’t know how much he loved him—what he had for Baekhyun in his heart went even better than just a constant stream of love—and he figured it would only grew stronger with each second that passed.

“All I know is that I love you so much, it hurts like heaven.” Chanyeol uttered suddenly. With a small smile painted on his face, he slowly brushed Baekhyun’s dark chocolate fringe, giving way for more of the night sky’s light to be reflected on the dark mahogany irises of Baekhyun’s eyes. Those set of orbs were the ones that he had promised himself to keep away from letting out tears or to show traces of sadness—and to fill them with the ever-bright shine of smiles and love, for as long as the time went on.

“Hurts more than getting tattoos?” Baekhyun asked, in a teasing yet soothing tone. Then he smiled so bright it made other lights around them dimming, his eyes again mirroring the crescent of the moon. Then he stepped closer to Chanyeol and perched his hands on Chanyeol’s shoulders before he gave Chanyeol a very gentle but slow and deep kiss on the lips. “Thank you so much for the last two days, Yeol. They’re easily the best days of my life.”

But Chanyeol thought Baekhyun’s voice started to sound slightly muted and his vision of Baekhyun’s face started to blur, as if he was just watching Baekhyun from an old, badly tuned television… And just out of nowhere his tattoo prickled sharply and forced him to look down, to check on it.

Chanyeol was going to turn his head up again after looking at his right wrist, from thumbing the slightly sore spot where he got his tattoos and reply with something cheesy and silly—like _I’d tattoo my whole body and the pain is nowhere near when compared to the aching and longing of the hearts of my past lifetimes trying to find and love you for millions of years_ for an example—when he realized Baekhyun wasn’t at his side anymore, and only when he circled around to look for Baekhyun did he realize that—

 

 

Everything is gone, evaporated into the thin air. And starting to swirl again everything goes.

Chanyeol is tired of swirling things and he hopes whatever this state he’s in to end soon. As the thought occurs in his mind, the confusing movement around him stops and he’s back at the endless expanse where everything is white. One weary glance reveals that he’s in the confinement of the white box again.

This time his instinct takes over, he decides to start looking for things instead of just waiting and doing nothing. He walks alongside an imaginary path he made himself as he tries to get some kind of answers or just a way out.

After what seems like a full five minutes of walking in an unending whiteness, he sees a black dot in the horizon. He feels tired even though he’s only been walking for five minutes, but he makes up his mind to reach that black dot, whatever it is, because somehow he also knows it’s something that will answer all of the questions poking his brain inside his head.

Ten minutes, twenty minutes, then thirty minutes of walking. By then he reaches the black dot and he finds how wrong he was. It’s not a something; it’s someone. 

And it’s his Baekhyun again, that he has been seeing for three times now.

Baekhyun is sitting on a silver swing—the one that the small man has in the backyard of his family’s cottage house that’s attached to a big tree, except for this time Chanyeol can’t see where the swing is attached to, because the chains go all the way up to the infinite high ceiling until he can no longer discern where it ends in this weird white box continuum, or maybe there’s no ceiling at all—and he’s smiling, again.

Chanyeol wipes the sweat collecting on his face, blinking his eyes. He notices this time Baekhyun is wearing a tuxedo, to be exact, his own wedding attire that Chanyeol only checked once when Baekhyun told him he had chosen the tuxedo with Sehun—that should’ve been a sign Baekhyun won’t come to their wedding since the set is still residing at the darkness of their wardrobe even when the day of their wedding arrives…

But regardless of the controversial things happened around said clothing, Baekhyun still looks so ethereal and enchanting, just like always.

Baekhyun is wearing his single-breasted white tuxedo jacket with black peaked lapels, with one gold button fastened, jetted besom pockets, all lined with black satin facings. Inside he wears a white button up shirt with platinum collar stud set and cufflinks, a simple black butterfly bow tie, topped with a white vest. He also wears a pair of black dress pants that fits him perfectly and a pair of black patent leather wingtip Oxford shoes that gives him a neat vintage look. He has a blooming red tulip attached as his boutonnière that adds a nice touch of scarlet among the pure white. His dark chocolate hair is pomaded and combed neatly in a dapper style, the smooth look giving an impression of the strands gleaming under the light.

Of course in Chanyeol’s mind there’s only one thing he can think about: how handsome and breathtaking his runaway groom is, and how he hopes he’ll see the both of them with their tuxedos on soon. So, again following his instinct and without much thinking, he runs as fast as he can to reach Baekhyun, to hug and keep him safe. This time he will not back down, he will get back his Baekhyun.

But no matter how much he brings his legs to step one after another, he can’t budge forward. As if he’s on a reverse treadmill, one step forward only brings him two steps farther away.

Yet Baekhyun only smiles, as if looking at Chanyeol stumbling with his long legs just to reach him is entertaining.

But like a miracle, something finally happens for the first time in the white space continuum: Baekhyun finally speaks to him. With his signature fond smile and his usual honeyed, silvery voice that reverberates so clear and so loud the sound vibrates with magnitude, he whispers, “I love you, Chanyeol.”

Instantly, Chanyeol tries to shout and scream as loud as he can, to tell Baekhyun to come back, how sorry he is and to desperately say how much he loves him, but no sound comes out of his mouth.

Even so, Baekhyun’s smile just gets wider. Slowly he lifts his hand, puts his fingers over his lips, and blows a kiss for Chanyeol. Then he raises his arms, waving them energetically like an angel about to take flight, his body jumping along and the swing he’s sitting on sways with the force of his wave.

All of a sudden, there’s a brief but strong burst of white light, so bright it momentarily blinded Chanyeol’s eyes, startling him and his reflexes have him shielding his face with his right arm—

 

 

And Chanyeol wakes up with a loud gasp.

It feels as if he just came back to the surface of the deep blue sea he was drowning in at the first moment of his… dream. But this time there’s no Baekhyun who helped him swim back to safety. Instead he finds himself alone with no Baekhyun sleeping next to him in their bedroom, his shirt and bed sheet wet all over from his profuse sweating, and he can feel something trickling down his cheeks—one swab of the liquid on his fingers verifies it’s his tears. 

The dreams have one similarity, it all contains their precious memories of firsts: first time seeing each other, first time they’re confessing to each other, his very first kiss, the first time they went hiking, and the first time they got tattoos.

But what was that all about, the dreams? The only thing he can pull out from his jumbled thoughts of the dreams that are just starting to disperse as he goes more fully awake is that he just visited his memories, the exact same ones as he remembered it, even though at intervals it was altered every time the dreams changed. The dreams were so vivid, as if he was there again with Baekhyun, experiencing it all over again like a déja vu.

As he listens to his loud heartbeats that feel like something hammering from the insides of his body while lying on his side of the bed, he knows from each dream it’s clear how it shows how his love matures—from what started as a crush on the first sight into a romantic love then into something to fight and live for. It’s as if the dreams are reminding him again how Baekhyun truly loves him, in whom he should believe and trust still. Glancing to his side, he sees Baekhyun’s empty spot, too tidy for being untouched for so long. He really… he really misses his Baekhyun.

Suddenly the headache he has for a few months throbs again, giving him repeated blows of sharp, prickling pain to his head. Grimacing in pain, Chanyeol can only hold his heavy head. But no matter how severe it sounds, actually the torment on his head is lessening and this time the nausea didn’t wake him up, it was the dreams—as if the echoes of his memories that retold him the story of him and Baekhyun is the only elixir to cure him.

Then the sudden loud pattering sound of rain starting to hit the windows of their bedroom startles him.

Seeing the water droplets marking the windows makes him think about how he and Baekhyun were two identical raindrops. They were together living in the clouds, but something just separated them as they fall upon the earth, not knowing where the wind will carry them—got lost into the sea or absorbed into the soil to start the life of the yellow sunflowers? He’s trying to find Baekhyun among the ocean of fallen raindrops, but as he does so he can’t help but wonder, wherever Baekhyun is right now… will he wait for him?

Chanyeol wished they could just fly up to the surface and float away to start again, lift off before troubles just erode them in its waves.

And Baekhyun… Why is he leaving Chanyeol both from his dreams and from his life?

For a horrifying split second—Chanyeol thought he was going to die, judging by the way the dream flashed his happiest memories, like all those movies that told him about human brain’s tendency to show fast, blurry pictures of his life in the last moments before it shuts down completely. But, after a second look from another viewpoint… he finds a much scarier thought: has he ever been alive, since Baekhyun started this cruel hide and seek game and left his side?

 

 

 

  
Somewhere, in a hospital bed, 5,953 miles away from Park Chanyeol in their shared bed, Byun Baekhyun breathes his last.

***


	6. track #14: up with the birds

** track #14: up with the birds **

_might have to go where they don’t know my name_  
float all over the world  
just to see you again  
and I won’t show or fear any pain  
even though all my armor might rust in the rain 

_a simple plot_  
but I know one day  
good things are coming our way 

***

**February 17th, 2009  
**  
Seoul, South Korea  
11.56 PM

Baekhyun and Chanyeol were spending a night away alone, just the two of them, after their graduation ceremony.

They were talking about the special day—them wearing neatly-pressed, light-colored dress shirts with dark tie underneath their academic gown that was completed with black trousers and Oxford shoes for the ceremony under the warm sun with their colleagues; Chanyeol clapping and whooping loudly for everyone to hear as if he was at a basketball game and his team was winning when it was Baekhyun’s turn to take the stage to receive his diploma and get his tassel shifted to the left by their professors; Baekhyun getting lifted onto Chanyeol’s shoulders when it was announced he was the top graduate from their class year _summa cum laude_ with perfect 4.5 GPA; Chanyeol kissing his certificate roll right after his professor handed it to him and shouting _here’s for you, Baekhyun!_ on the microphone, which earned him laughter and approving shouts from the audience and a shy smile from Baekhyun; them taking tons of photos, polaroids and digital ones alike with their friends and family; and lastly, them throwing their graduation caps as high as they could, hoping their dreams could reach the sky too.

And at this very moment of the night, there were parties undergoing as they spoke, but the glitter glamour of it didn’t appeal much to the both of them. Each other’s presence was the only thing they needed.

When everyone else chose to drunk their heads off, celebrating their freedom from university of its endless projects and inhumane professors, they stayed in their dorm, in Baekhyun’s room. People were already vacating their rooms, either going back home to pursue their dreams somewhere else, or just going out to spend the night away in clubs.

The dorm was almost empty, giving them a quiet atmosphere save for some occasional faraway drunken shouts. They were both lying on Baekhyun’s small bed, bodies snuggled facing each other. Chanyeol, as always, took most of the space available with his long legs dangling from the bed’s edge. Baekhyun, as usual, was wrapped by Chanyeol’s protective arms, ear sticking on Chanyeol’s chest to listen to his heartbeat, head resting on Chanyeol’s biceps. It was their heaven.

As their conversation dribbled away, Baekhyun looked up and saw Chanyeol’s eyes fluttering close, already half asleep. He then chose to break the bubble of their comfortable silence. “You know, Yeol?”

“Hyunnie,” Chanyeol hummed sleepily as he adjusted his arms to grasp more of Baekhyun’s body, his eyes still half closed. Even in that state, he could sense Baekhyun’s eyes were carefully trained on him—it felt like he had his own guardian angel keeping him safe. “What is it?”

Observing Chanyeol’s face with wonder just like the way he admired the sky and its constellations, Baekhyun could see how tired the tall man was, remembering their hectic day in the morning before the graduation ceremony started. But he needed to talk this thing out. And actually, what he was going to say had been on his mind for a while, so maybe tonight was the right time to discuss it with Chanyeol. “That powerful line Dumbledore said to Harry at the end of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban book?”

At the mention of _Harry Potter_ , Chanyeol jolted awake, his eyes wide open as his interest rose up high. Baekhyun wanting to discuss his favorite subject was enough to put sleep into the second place. “Hyunnie. There are tons of them. Which one?”

“Damn you and your Potterhead brain," Baekhyun chuckled at the gesture Chanyeol was showing him, as he playfully slap one of Chanyeol’s arm that was draped over his torso. Another one adorable thing he loved is Chanyeol’s fondness of Harry Potter and how the tall man made him love the series too. "You know, the one I’m really fond of, which JK Rowling turned into Sirius’ quote in the movie version.”

It didn’t take long pondering for Chanyeol to try finding the right quote because a second later he snapped his fingers, finally remembering said quote. “Oh, that one! Dumbledore said, _You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don’t recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Your father is alive in you, Harry, and shows himself most plainly when you have need of him_ , while Sirius’ is _The ones that love us never really leave us_. Is that it? I’m a bit surprised you managed to remember it.” He laughed, teasing Baekhyun. He knew Baekhyun was more into belles-lettres and classics literature, while he filled the comics and fictions slot.

“Always the tone of surprise. Well, I do remember it, but not every quote I can memorize word to word like you do, Yeol. You’re the half cool geek half man of wit between us anyway.” Baekhyun reasoned, laughing along with Chanyeol. Slightly out of topic but to him, his favorite song was Chanyeol’s laughter. It would always make him laugh too, by the way if he was glued to Chanyeol, he could feel his laugh reverberating, tickling him. Well, the real reason was because it melted his heart every time he heard it, because by then he knew he had his Chanyeol happy.

“Really, Hyunnie, your flattering and on point words that always make me smile and keep me entertained. What will I be without you beside me.” Chanyeol mused, happy to hear Baekhyun’s praise and laughter that warmed his entire body.

Baekhyun grinned at that and before he could rephrase the next sentence he was going to say with more careful thoughts and stop himself, he blurted out, “Yeol please, you will be okay. I know you can do a lot more without me beside you.”

For some reason Chanyeol sensed there was something peculiar in the tone when Baekhyun spoke those curiously odd words… And when he realized the other meaning it could have, he went rigid for a second, his laugh stopped for a while before resuming with a slightly awkward feel, as he inspected the waters behind Baekhyun’s eyes.

As Baekhyun stared back into Chanyeol’s eyes, he saw a momentary flash of a glint of sadness and fear in those dark cinnamon eyes. If it weren’t for their three years long friends-to-lovers relationship of being practically inseparable and having so many heart-to-heart talks before, he wouldn’t catch it and sense the different aura in Chanyeol’s laugh.

“Hyunnie—” Chanyeol started as the sentence Baekhyun just said pulled a memory back into his mind. A memory of something he hoped would never happen to him again.

“Chanyeol—that’s not what I meant—“ Baekhyun cut before Chanyeol could say any further, trying to retract back what he said. Then he sat up, facing the still laying down Chanyeol. He panicked, what if Chanyeol interpreted his words as him wanting to break up or something?

With the bad memory resurfacing on his mind, Chanyeol decided to just wave Baekhyun off, pulling him back to lie down on his chest, arms wrapping the small man’s body once more. “It’s fine! It’s all fun and banter, right Hyunnie? I know that you’re always joking when you’re trying to be mean to me and that’s why I love you.” He smiled.

Baekhyun sighed, relieved. Chanyeol thought he was just joking, it was okay. But really though, Chanyeol and his tendencies to be all smiles in all kinds of situation… he aspired to be just like him one day. Even so, he still felt a pang of guilt that was gnawing up his feelings. He looked up again, he knew Chanyeol was going to add something to his words, judging from the slight frown Chanyeol was sporting before it vanished in a flash after realizing he was looking at him.

“I love you too,” Baekhyun replied, putting on his best smile on his face for Chanyeol. “And Yeol, you know at night sometimes I talk with no common sense sometimes… As I said you’re _my_ man of wits,” he laughed, this time making funny faces at Chanyeol to somewhat cheer him. Then he decided to steer out of the topic, to clear the agonizing atmosphere that started to form. “And now back to the topic. My favorite Dumbledore quote, please.” 

Chanyeol brightened again at Baekhyun’s wide smile, cheery voice and the mention of the Harry Potter character’s name. “Oh right! Yes, what’s up with the sudden Harry Potter reference? Are we having a Harry Potter speed quiz now because I need to prepare a bit—”

To the sudden competitive look on Chanyeol’s face, Baekhyun laughed again as he gently poked the dip of Chanyeol’s dimple, admiring the wide grin on the tall man’s face. Chanyeol was so easy to persuade. “Yeol, please.”

Getting back to the previously serious atmosphere, Baekhyun added, “It’s just… I really love the quote. Listen, _the ones that love us never really leave us_ … isn’t it beautiful? The idea of that whenever the people we love so much leaving, whether leaving maybe as simple as for days, weeks or longer like going abroad for years or even leaving as they depart for death, they will always be _here_ ,” he placed his hands on the upper left of his chest, implying his beating heart, then to his right temple, implying his mind. "It’s like you know wherever they are, they will always be with you.”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful. I can see why you’re so fond of that quote. You miss your family don’t you? Don’t worry, Hyunnie, I’ll always be here for you to be with you through everything. I promise.” Chanyeol stared down at Baekhyun, his gaze hard and calculating whether it was the right thing to say, but also tender and understanding to show how much he would always care about Baekhyun’s well being.

“So much, Yeol. But that’s not just it. It’s bigger than that. It’s giving enough trust, enough reassurance to your loved ones that even without their presence we’d still be okay. We’d survive. And it’s fine if they can’t be with us…” Baekhyun trailed, lost in thought.

Chanyeol’s frown made an appearance after Baekhyun finished his sentence. “Yeah, well, I agree on some parts of it, but Hyunnie, don’t you think it’s a little bit too much?”

Baekhyun did what he always does when he was confused, he tilted his head sideways like a curious puppy. “Which part of it that’s too much for you?”

“The part when you say it’s fine if they can’t be with us?” Chanyeol hesitated for a while before adding, “Is it really okay?” He ruffled Baekhyun’s hair and cupped his cheek to see his face better.

Baekhyun sat up again to sit cross legged properly on the edge of the bed, folding his legs, one leg across another. “Well, I personally think it’s perfectly okay and understandable?” He replied, his gaze searching Chanyeol’s eyes. There he saw again the hint of sadness and fear under the dark cinnamon orbs, and it worried him. “Yeol, is there something you have in mind?”

Chanyeol followed suit, straightening himself up to sit against the wall, facing Baekhyun. He stared back, trying to find something in the dark mahogany zircons of Baekhyun’s eyes. “It’s just—I don’t think—don’t you get it, Baekhyun?”

The sudden reappearance of his name used instead of his nickname startled Baekhyun. This meant Chanyeol was talking business, the real deal. Then using his softest voice and hands caressing Chanyeol’s, he replied, “Yeol, what is it in your mind? Just tell me, it’s okay.”

That one particular memory on Chanyeol’s mind started to crawl out of the darkness, showing its fangs and devil’s eyes again, bringing back days he didn’t want to remember. Then with a slightly heated up voice he continued, “If you really love someone you’ll try as much as you can to stay by their side. To always support them no matter what.”

“But you know we can still give our support by sending thoughts and prayers for others without us present with them. And we—alongside every human being in the world—can’t always stay by each other’s side, right? Especially when we’re talking about death." Baekhyun reasoned. He wasn’t exactly afraid of death, he was… a little bit intrigued, to the concept of entering the unknown of the afterlife, if that existed. It was like thrusting his hand inside a dark, narrow crack, groping for something to hold, not knowing whether a deadly tarantula or a harmless piece of macaroni would greet his fingers.

“Hyunnie…” Chanyeol whimpered, his hands finding their way to grab Baekhyun’s arms, his head hung low to find its way into Baekhyun’s chest, hearing the rhythm of Baekhyun’s heart—the signals of his life.

The sudden reuse of his nickname startled Baekhyun again. That meant Chanyeol has let down his defenses, or he couldn’t bear to talk about a particular subject. Still using his soft voice, as this time his hands found its way to caress Chanyeol’s head, he said, “Yeol, what is it—do you want to talk about it?”

“Hyunnie, I just—I can’t talk about death… Or losing people in general.” Chanyeol whispered, not exactly answering Baekhyun’s question but only speaking what he had in mind. He just really couldn’t stand the idea of the people he loved leaving him, it was his greatest weakness… derived from that memory.

“I know it’s hard… but Yeol, it happens all the time around the world. Every second there are people dying—we are all going to leave this world eventually." Baekhyun said softly. He knew this topic scared so many people and even some considered it presumptuous to talk about, but he also knew he had to discuss about it. He then clipped Chanyeol’s chin between his fingers gently, lifting the tall man’s face up to meet his eyes.

Chanyeol stared into Baekhyun’s eyes in silence. He didn’t know the reason behind Baekhyun’s sudden discussion about losing things and people, and how that memory came into his mind again after so many years he tried so hard to bury it—even to delete it from his head. Was that some kind of omen that something will happen to the both of them in the future? His guts were telling him something was wrong and that he needed to clarify things with Baekhyun. But then, all he could say was, “Baekhyun.”

There was an abrupt shift of tone in Chanyeol’s voice that Baekhyun noticed. Eyes still on Chanyeol, maintaining his gaze, cautiously he replied, “Chanyeol?”

To have Baekhyun with him, loving him, Chanyeol was forever grateful, it was all enough. But this time, with that memory tormenting him again with its claws, he only wanted to ask for one more thing from Baekhyun. Smiling weakly, although reluctantly, he said, “Now I want you to promise me just one thing. But before I tell you what is it, you have to promise me to keep it.”

It was indeed a smile on Chanyeol’s face that Baekhyun saw, but he knew more: he also saw a hint of haunting melancholia behind it. He kind of regretted bringing up the subject, suddenly he didn’t want to talk about it and he made a mental note to never mention it again in the future.

There was something off in the way Chanyeol worded his sentence that felt as if the tall man was foreshadowing something ominous, and that made Baekhyun so afraid he would be unable to keep this one promise Chanyeol asked him. But it wasn’t because he was planning to break the promises, instead he was afraid of the possibility of his destiny and the circumstances might prevent him from fulfilling his promises. His gaze faltered, he couldn’t look into Chanyeol’s eyes, so instead he chose to look at their legs that were touching knees to knees. “What promise, Yeol—”

“Just promise me. Please?” Chanyeol was practically begging, eyes searching Baekhyun’s for a _yes_ , clasping Baekhyun’s hands tightly in between his own hands.

“Of—Of course yes. I’ll try, Yeol.” Baekhyun replied eventually. Who could refuse when you saw a six foot something man like Chanyeol, begging at you, looking so small with his legs folded, hands desperately gripping your hands, eyes twinkling from unshed tears, face pleading and hoping you’d agree? And this was Chanyeol he was talking to, the man he’d do anything for, no matter how difficult it would be.

After hearing the answer, Chanyeol sighed, he wished he were only imagining the uncertainty he had heard faint but distinct in Baekhyun’s voice. But he couldn’t blame Baekhyun—who in the world could promise for something unknown, for what he was about to request from Baekhyun? His smile was almost gone but there were still a trace of it—there was still hope. He went silent for a while, his head dropped low again. He hated this memory for making him to act this way.

So then Chanyeol ruffled Baekhyun’s dark chocolate hair to make sure Baekhyun didn’t see him wiping one tear that managed to escape his eyes. “Okay, that’s enough for me, I trust you. I just want you to promise me that if you want to go, if you want to leave me, if I’m about to lose you… you will tell me.”

“Chanyeol—I won’t—You know I will _never_ do any of that to you!” Baekhyun quickly replied with a horrified look on his face. Then he took a hold of Chanyeol’s hand, stopping his ruffling business before putting it above his heart. He knew Chanyeol didn’t ruffle his hair just for the sake of it. What Chanyeol asked from him was too much, as if Chanyeol prophesied that one day he might leave him.

Chanyeol looks up, staring at his hand on Baekhyun’s chest, feeling the steady rhythm of heartbeats that for so long he was sure he couldn’t live without. And that was his cue, he couldn’t take it anymore, he wanted to tell—no, he _needed_ to tell Baekhyun about the memory that had been bugging him for almost every day of his life. 

“That’s also what my father said. Acting all okay and fine before he left us for someone else. Are we—me, mum and, Chanwoo hyung—not enough? He left my mum to stand alone in taking care of my brother and me. It truly broke me, he was the leader I always look up to, I was so proud to have him as the captain, the boss, the first line of the command in our family,” Chanyeol said, voice wavering slightly and hands shaking. “Do you know that he also flaunted his brand new family in front of our face? The betrayal is so powerful I thought I can rage against him, avenge my family.”

As Baekhyun reached his other hand to hold Chanyeol’s hand with both of his hands, he could only tighten his grip on it, after sensing the way both the tall man’s voice and body were starting to shake. There was nothing else he wanted more at that moment but to hug Chanyeol tightly, but he knew he needed to let Chanyeol extirpate all of the words from a bad memory he probably had buried so deep for so long—detoxification.

“But I just can’t. He… after all of that, he is still my father, he was once a great father figure for us. I feel so stupid for feeling so depressed over it, but here I am still having nightmares about it, I’m almost sure it was my fault at some point. So, just in case, Hyunnie. Just in case. Now promise me?” Chanyeol’s smile was back, but it was a sad one. Sad smile. He laughed in his mind, it was an oxymoron, two completely opposite words in unison, standing side by side and contradicting each other, as if their number one purpose of existing was to mock humans.

Baekhyun didn’t know what to reply. He was at loss of words, this was the first time Chanyeol ever opened up about his father. He had been waiting to hear about this since years ago when he spent Thanksgiving at the Parks household and only finding Chanyeol with his mother and brother, no father in sight. During the time when Chanyeol had showed him the Parks’ album photos, there was one man Chanyeol wouldn’t introduce that disappeared from the yearly family photo after Chanyeol was seven. At that time Chanyeol didn’t explain, and he, out of respect, didn’t point out the absence.

It was also revealed to him the real answer to every panicked _what happened Yeol_? question he threw at a sweaty and breathing fast Chanyeol after he managed to wake him up through his thrashing on his nightmares, that Chanyeol would always answer with a not-so-convincing _thesis papers deadline, no big deal Hyunnie, go back to sleep_. He wanted to comfort Chanyeol’s heart, he wanted to tell Chanyeol that it wasn’t his fault his father left him, but at the moment he still couldn’t find the right words for it.

But he could understand Chanyeol’s trauma of losing people whether by leaving him or by dying, he was only a kid when it all happened. The tragedy must have been engraved so deep in his brain to make him so vulnerable on the topic; it might have turned into a phobia. Then he reviewed the question Chanyeol asked him. Let’s be real, even if he had to leave Chanyeol in a way he couldn’t stop, he wouldn’t tell him. As if he wanted to rub more salt on Chanyeol’s wound his father inflicted?

So at the end he only nodded, which earned a sleepy smile from Chanyeol.

Chanyeol then dragged Baekhyun to lie and face each other again on the bed, enjoying the silence and the steady heartbeats of their hearts molded together. Baekhyun was the one who truly mended the cracks of his heart, and all he wanted and needed was for Baekhyun to be right by his side, keeping him whole and complete. “Stay with me, please?”

“Always.” Baekhyun whispered. With Chanyeol’s arms completely wrapped around him, his hands automatically went to cradle Chanyeol’s face, his thumbs stroking his cheeks. Then his hands went to Chanyeol’s back, softly caressing him as he hummed random happy tunes of the songs they both loved. Those were always effective to calm Chanyeol down, whenever he saw the tall man too silent for his usual cheery self, or at night it would lull Chanyeol to sleep.

But then, as again he thought over the promise Chanyeol asked him, Baekhyun had almost jumped out of the bed. He realized—this was _Chanyeol_ asking him, the one he said so himself he’d do anything for. It was never really about _what_ the promise was, but whether he would _try_ or not. He needed to assure Chanyeol that he’d promise _and_ try for him. He didn’t want Chanyeol to leave this night, wake up in the morning, and live his days with a doubt and fear that might grow bigger and lug down his heart forever with no means of erasing it later when it was too late.

So, as an idea came up into his mind, without saying a thing Baekhyun tried to untangle himself from Chanyeol’s tight hug on him, to rise up from the bed to get his phone. Thanks to Chanyeol’s half asleep state he managed to gently slip out his left hand from under Chanyeol’s waist. But it was the only part of his body he could take out, since not a moment later his movement was stopped short by a soft tug that turned out to be Chanyeol’s hands gripping tightly on his right wrist.

“Hyunnie, where are you going?” Chanyeol asked, his eyes blinking slow. Even under the influence of sleep, the sudden change of position already made him feeling a strange sense of utmost loss from not having Baekhyun in his arms for only a few seconds.

“Wait a little bit, Yeol,” Baekhyun assured, hands reaching to caress Chanyeol’s cheeks again. He felt so sad seeing the way Chanyeol’s heart was so soft and tender—he almost didn’t have the heart to unwrap Chanyeol’s hands on his wrist. He couldn’t stand seeing the downcast look on Chanyeol’s face to the point even leaving him for a few seconds already seemed too harsh to do. “I’m just going to grab my phone, I’ll come back in a second, okay?”

“Oh… okay,” Chanyeol said as he finally let Baekhyun out of his arms’ embrace, even though he couldn’t really let Baekhyun go. Slightly shaking his head to drive the drowsiness out of his mind, he rose up to a sitting position, still keeping his fingers grasping Baekhyun’s left hand’s fingers. “Come back real soon, Hyunnie.”

“I will, Yeol.” Baekhyun smiled at somehow Chanyeol still could find a way to cling onto him, and that made him go extra fast in getting the things he needed—his phone and his earphones—and get back to his waiting Chanyeol. Then as he kept his hand holding Chanyeol’s, he positioned himself to sit cross-legged on the edge of the bed, and extended his arms for Chanyeol to take. “Yeol—”

Even without Baekhyun calling his name to come for him, Chanyeol knew what to do as he launched himself to hug Baekhyun, his arms circling Baekhyun’s waist as the small man’s arms went to enfold his body. “Hyunnie.”

“Hey, Yeol. I have something for you to listen. You don’t have to say anything, just listen to me. It’s me for you.” Baekhyun announced as he pulled back a little from their hug, chuckling at the way Chanyeol threw his whole body at him, as expected from his giant puppy. Then he let go of his right hand from Chanyeol’s back to get his phone.

Still keeping his left hand firmly holding Chanyeol’s body, Baekhyun gently plugged one of the earphones inside Chanyeol’s ear and the other inside his. After a couple of swipe later on his phone, he found the thing he was looking for in their joined playlist that he remembered was one of the thing Chanyeol liked, and probably was also able to solidify what he had in mind for Chanyeol. He wasn’t that good at words, but he knew how to convey it in a way Chanyeol had a passion for—he knew how Chanyeol loved to escape from things with music, to channel his emotions to its calming, harmonious valves.

“Okay.” Chanyeol replied with a slight nod. Truthfully, even without Baekhyun asking him, he was always listening to him—his sleepy mumbles, his heartbeat, his wise words that taught him so much—even to when Baekhyun didn’t say a thing he listened to what Baekhyun said from the look of his eyes and the touch of his gestures. He knew everything Baekhyun had for him was always something good, something that would bring him smiles and relief for his heart.

For a moment, Baekhyun turned his head to watch Chanyeol’s face that the tall man tried to hide by nestling in into the crook of his neck. Seeing the way the tall man hugged him so tight with such a worried look on his face and eyes jammed shut, all he wanted to do was to protect the tall man in his embrace. Then as he too closed his eyes, gently he gave Chanyeol a kiss on the temple of his head.

As Chanyeol felt the soft kiss on the side of his head, he tightened his arms’ hold on Baekhyun’s waist, carefully placing his head to rest sideways on Baekhyun’s shoulder, keeping Baekhyun as close as he could to him. For some reason, after telling Baekhyun the secret he never told to anyone about his greatest fear, he could feel his tears that had started pooling right when his mind brought back the memory of his father leaving to come out—creating a steady but silent stream on his cheeks.

Then with one hand Baekhyun pressed play on his phone’s music player, and not long after The Pretenders’ 1994 song, _I’ll Stand By You_ came into their ears. Slowly, he moved his hands to hold Chanyeol again—with one firmly planted on Chanyeol’s back, patting it gently and the other went to the back of Chanyeol’s head to softly caress the nape and comb the ends of the phthalo blue hair that resembled the waves of deep ocean with his fingers.

_Why do you look so sad, the tears are in your eyes  
Come on and come to me now, and don’t be ashamed to cry_

“When your heart is filled to the brim, having too much of everything… You can cry it out. And I’ll offer you my shoulder.” Baekhyun started, relaying his words ever so softly to ease all the tears he knew Chanyeol had been trying to hold back. To feel Chanyeol’s whole body trembling from the building intensity of his cries was to feel his own heart shattering to pieces. He was so close to tearing up too, but he would be strong for Chanyeol.

Crying on Baekhyun’s shoulder was always a stress relief for Chanyeol. Baekhyun’s embrace had a startlingly close resemblance with his mother’s—the way in an instance after he slotted himself into the confinement of Baekhyun’s arms he could just let anything out, the way it provided a safe shelter where he could talk heart to heart and just be honest about the secrets he kept, and the fact that it contained the same familiar warmth that always remained in him even after he let go of the hug… it all helped him in building his own defense and coping mechanism.

“And when you have tears in your eyes… let my fingers wipe it dry,” Baekhyun continued as he pulled back a little bit to lift Chanyeol’s face up, inspecting the tearful and red rimmed eyes. Even from day one, he had already decided to never, ever let Chanyeol down—he couldn’t bear to see Chanyeol flooded with sadness to the point it came out as stream of tears. Ever so slowly he cradled Chanyeol’s face, brushing off the tears marring the face he had learned to love so much with a gentle swipe of his thumb. “And I’ll replace the tears of sorrow with only the happy ones.”

To Chanyeol, just like magic that was Baekhyun himself, the first sentence Baekhyun said for him could create an interruption to his tears in the form of a small upturn curve of his lips, from the way Baekhyun was really saying the truth. He remembered how Baekhyun had always managed to make him let out his tears—but from the way the small man made him laugh so hard he couldn’t help himself but tear up in joy.

_Let me see you through, ‘cause I’ve seen the dark side too_  
When the night falls on you and you don’t know what to do  
Nothing you confess could make me love you less 

“You can tell me anything, we can work it out, find a way to go through and overcome it all,” Baekhyun said, remembering the times at the blind hours of night when Chanyeol would confess about the ghosts of his past, demons lurking at the back of his mind and the old deeds that bore him down. He didn’t mind of what weaknesses Chanyeol had or of what Chanyeol once had been, he only had eyes on how to give Chanyeol comfort and guidance to see everything in him its points of interest, meaning and significance—and to help him learn and improve. He loved Chanyeol for who Chanyeol really was from right at the moment onward. “Together.”

The vault where Chanyeol stored his secrets and the one who kept every confidential part of his mind was Baekhyun. For everything he had told, Baekhyun had always patiently listened to him, when he confessed about the things that made up his anxiety from insecurities and self-doubt, to even when he rambled about the most trifling things. And not just that, Baekhyun provided consolation from advice to opening his eyes for a new perspective to look at his problems. Teaching him how to measure pain and see and how life would never made him go through things he couldn’t get around to. He loved Baekhyun for what he made him when he was with him—a better person.

“When you’re feeling weary or small… let me hug you. I’ll lift the weight off of your shoulders,” Baekhyun said softly, his voice was just above a whisper, but he hoped his words spoke louder magnitude in Chanyeol’s mind. Then he decided to tease Chanyeol a bit, just to make the tall man laugh because it was all he wanted Chanyeol to do. “And also just so you can see how such a big puppy you are, compared to me.”

The last sentence Baekhyun said managed to exert a light laugh from Chanyeol. It felt nice, a pleasant discordance to the silent sobs he was letting out. So he curled up more into a ball and let the warmth from Baekhyun’s embrace engulfed him completely. If he were ever to describe what it was like being inside Baekhyun’s heart, it was close to the feeling of hiding under Baekhyun’s arms—he didn’t feel smaller and instead, he felt stronger. He felt better, as always.

_I’ll stand by you_  
I’ll stand by you  
And won’t let nobody hurt you  
I’ll stand by you 

“When you feel down and pain is all around… I’ll take your part and I’ll comfort you always.” Baekhyun smiled as he wrapped more of Chanyeol’s body after seeing the tall man nestled more into his arms. For this matter, it was one of his most concerns that worried him to the bones. He could never stand seeing Chanyeol in pain, since in turn it pained him more. And for that, he would always offer his arms for Chanyeol and stayed right by Chanyeol’s side, hoping somehow he could bear the pain too, and lessen whatever came along with the pain.

As he snuck his nose close to Baekhyun’s nape to inhale the lemon scent in, Chanyeol thought about how for all the pain he had to live through—in his heart or his body—Baekhyun was always there. When he was sick, Baekhyun was the one keeping watch over him, not sleeping even for a moment just to monitor his temperature, wiping his cold sweat with damp towels, placing new cold compress over his forehead every hour, preparing warm baths and bowls of his favorite soup, helping him to recover. When his heart was crushed with grief, Baekhyun’s presence and hugs gave more warmth and relief than any person or blankets would ever do, the only person who were his remedy to his aching heart and the alleviation of his crowded mind.

_So if you’re mad, get mad, don’t hold it all inside_  
Come on and talk to me now  
Hey, what you’ve got to hide?  
I get angry too, well I’m a lot like you 

“When your days get rough and you think have no one… come find me, I’m always on your side.” Baekhyun continued, smiling. The days where Chanyeol consult him whenever his professors were just too much or project group mates that weren’t always in the same page. He knew there were fair amount of times when Chanyeol bottled up his feelings, completely quiet and not in his sunny side. He only wanted to be just like that silver lining in clouds that would help drive away the dark clouds of thoughts and restore the sunshine in Chanyeol’s smile. And even when a few fights erupted between them, they could always take our time to sit and find ways to talk it through. “I might not be able to completely erase all the obstacles or lift the burden life gives us, but I know—and _you_ know—you don’t have to go through it all alone.”

There were occasions where Chanyeol had his fair share of feeling cornered, dejected or rejected, be it by project friends who wouldn’t cooperate or strict professors that yelled at his ears. Even though he tried to hide it, for he didn’t want to add any pile to Baekhyun’s trouble, but somehow without him having to say a word Baekhyun would always know, as for always he would come back home to find with Baekhyun smiling and offering help for him. The admirable thing was, Baekhyun’s aid was different to the conventional way people usually offered him—after listening intently to his stories Baekhyun knew when to side with him and when to make him acknowledge his mistakes and correcting him, knowing how to find ways to comprehend the two sides of everything, which helped calm down his stress and anger more than anyone or anything could.

_When you’re standing at the crossroads_  
And don’t know which path to choose  
Let me come along, ‘cause even if you’re wrong  
I’ll stand by you  
And won’t let nobody hurt you  
I’ll stand by you 

“When you feel like floating helplessly on your boat as the waves roughly crash onto you… just keep on sailing,” Baekhyun continued, hands now patting Chanyeol’s back. He wanted to be the hand that gently but sure pushed Chanyeol’s back to keep him on moving forward, and the arm draped over Chanyeol’s shoulder that made Chanyeol sure he’d be fine along the way. “Because I’m sailing right behind you and I’ll ease your mind.”

While basking in the comfort from the firm but gentle pats of Baekhyun’s hands on his back, Chanyeol remembered at times problems were always insisting to visit him again and again, exactly like unending tides of the ocean. People created their own means of escape from their problems and reality by running away and turning their back from it that made them got rolled under the storm it created. But with Baekhyun’s hands in his, he knew how to hold on and keep on going in his track that made him able to pass each tide safely. And for him, at the end of the day Baekhyun was all he needed—the place and the person he came back to, every night. His home.

_Baby, take me into your darkest hour_  
And I’ll never desert you  
I’ll stand by you 

“When darkness comes and evening just falls on you hard… I’ll be right here next to you,” Baekhyun said, he knew there were times when Chanyeol knocked the door of his room, sometimes at two in the morning with dark circles around his eyes pronouncing the tiredness. He only wanted to keep Chanyeol right by his side—he didn’t care whether it was a happy day or a bad one, smiling or crying he’d stay with Chanyeol for always. “I’ll never leave you alone. I’ll remind you of how your dreams are on their way and make you see how they’ll shine and lead you to all the bright days.”

Chanyeol remembered how it happened a lot—the days of him pulling all-nighters for weeks just to work on his thesis projects, and he would always find refuge in Baekhyun’s room. The way Baekhyun always opened his door for him even at the early hours of day—be it his room’s or his heart’s—to hug him and let him sleep, or another soul to confide his innermost thoughts when he just felt like he lost his own heart to continue. This applied for any episode of troubles he went through. Baekhyun knew him more than anyone else, he even dared to say better than himself. Never asking or speaking too much, knowing exactly what to do after just one look at his eyes, offering him his smile, helping him remember of what he would find at the end of such an exhausting journey would be worth his while…

_And when the night falls on you, baby_  
When you’re feeling all alone, you’re wandering on your own  
I’ll stand by you 

“Anytime, when you’re scared… I’ll protect you and help you face through all of your fears,” Baekhyun said at last, hands gently patting Chanyeol’s back to ease out the last trickle of Chanyeol’s tears and soften the sobs. At the end he knew there were some things in life they could never avoid, so he only strived to give Chanyeol days full of joyful laughter to drown the sorrow, to give him great care and attention to make Chanyeol felt so much warmth he would never feel the cold of loneliness, and to share his courage for Chanyeol to defy fear unflinchingly with him. From this night on, the resolution to walk by Chanyeol’s side only grew nothing but stronger. “I’ll be your bridge over troubled water.”

The constant touches of Baekhyun’s hands on his back managed to filter out the sum and substance of his fears as it came out along with his tears. All the clouds of Chanyeol’s nightmares, dark thoughts, the irrational want to just quit everything when it felt too much and the sanity consuming fear of being left behind by the people he loved the most… It was next to impossible to forever escape or pay no attention or fully get rid of them all, but Baekhyun made him stay and sort things out with his own terms. It was like Baekhyun always knew what to do, how to make friends and reconcile with all the things that made him, _him_ , even the ones he wished he didn’t own.

Having his head laid down on Baekhyun’s shoulder enabled Chanyeol to also listen to the comforting melody of Baekhyun’s heartbeats, which vibrated through Baekhyun’s collarbone to reach his ears. It was the only song that truly calmed him down—the tune so familiar, so mystifying, playing only to remind him every day he still had his Baekhyun with him.

As the song faded out, Chanyeol replayed the song’s lines and the touch of both Baekhyun’s hands and the sentences Baekhyun said for him, not saying or doing anything but to sink deeper into Baekhyun’s embrace as his tears slowly stream down his cheek—letting his soul to talk instead of him from the way their bodies connected together. Only under Baekhyun’s care he could unsheathe his truest self under his cloak of wide smiles and loud laughter, let his vulnerable side to show. Baekhyun fixed him before he came out stronger than he ever felt. What made him feel ensured was not only the words Baekhyun spoke, but the way they were all _truths_ and not just plain promises. Even at this moment, as they were burrowed against each other, Baekhyun without knowing was actually demonstrating how true he was to the words he spoke.

“Chanyeol?” Baekhyun whispered, after waiting for several minutes while rubbing softly every part of Chanyeol’s body he could reach to administer more warmth and to let Chanyeol relax as his cries died down. Slowly he grabbed both sides of Chanyeol’s waist, pushing Chanyeol’s body gently away just so he could see Chanyeol’s face. When Chanyeol raised his face up, he cradled the tall man’s cheeks with his hands. “Baby, hey.”

“Whatever happened to you in the past didn’t determine who you are today. It’s your choices. About your father… it isn’t your fault, and it never was. Do you know why I’m so certain about this? Because for all the years I’ve known you, I knew how you made all the right choices. I see you as nothing but the kindest man with the purest soul residing inside. Nothing else,” Baekhyun said as he gently squeezed Chanyeol’s cheeks. Only after thinking long did he find the right words to say on the matter. “You know those sayings that in the darkness, it’s where the light can shine the brightest. But there’s another thing, in light you also can find darkness, the black shadows under everything the white light shines upon. It shows us the balance of how the shadow and the light carry equal weight. If you’re hurt, there’s also a way to heal—you can heal, if you choose to try.”

“You tell me how you’ve stumbled and fall, all hurting and in pain, how sometimes you lose and sometimes you feel like the things you do gone past with no direction just like shooting broken arrows in the dark, but even so… I can tell there’s still so many ways to try again, because I can see the hope in your heart, your resolute yearning to get up again,” Baekhyun continued as his thumbs ever so gently caressed Chanyeol’s cheekbones. “I just want to see you smile and laugh again, and I know you can do it—it’s never too late. And let me tell you just one other thing as certain as black and white: you don’t have to walk alone this time, I’ll take your hand to bring you back on your feet. We can do it, together.”

The way Baekhyun’s eyes never leave his, tender smile directed just for him, emitting nothing but sincerity, and hands holding his with such a gentle grip… it was the right supplement for Chanyeol to start off again. From this day onward the word _together_ gained a whole new different point of view in his dictionary—it was him and Baekhyun, it belonged to them.

“In each of our true selves, we have our own magic that makes everything we want to be as near as possible, only a reach of hand away… only a dream away,” Baekhyun smiled, this time his heart relieved at the sight of Chanyeol relaxing onto him. “Do you know how we are legends, every day? Just like the way intense heat and pressure can turn rough stones into precious gems, the weight and the burden the world is giving us, they’re only there to turn us to be as beautifully strong and unbreakable as crystalline diamonds—we’ll keep living on.”

This was another moment when Chanyeol became more conscious that how in days gone by he had thought he had to live his life alone, but Baekhyun found him amongst the rubble of his past. Baekhyun lifted him up and gave him strength to build his life again. Baekhyun provided him with just everything—love, comfort, sustainability, inspiration. And when he needed it the most, from his heart it broke into a song that ran through all his veins and helped him to hold on. Now he knew why being beside Baekhyun could really make him brave, it was because the feelings Baekhyun gave him were more powerful than his fears.

“Hyunnie, thank you,” Chanyeol croaked, his voice slightly hoarse from his crying. Slowly he let out a smile, before he settled himself to fit inside Baekhyun’s embrace again. The way all the things Baekhyun said and done in such a short time tonight managed to redefine his mindset on things… it was all that enhanced and made his heart and mind up to love Baekhyun, purely. “If we only have this one life, this one adventure… then I’ll share my life and everything I have with you, since I know you’ll get me through it all, happily. With you, I have with me a heart filled with love and a head full of dreams. For that, I love you.”

“We’ll go through it all together and I’ll share every bit of happiness and love in me with you,” Baekhyun replied, lips close to Chanyeol’s ears. Gladly he took Chanyeol back under his wings, trying to reach his arms as far as possible to envelop Chanyeol’s body again. The things he wouldn’t do for Chanyeol… there was no such thing as that. Then he kissed Chanyeol’s forehead and whispered, “I love you so much, Yeol.”

The reaction Baekhyun received from Chanyeol—the honest smile that appeared and the relieved tears in his eyes—it was like he never saw the sun shine if it weren’t from seeing the look on Chanyeol’s face. He saw how Chanyeol brightened, literally: the sobs that were replaced with light chuckles, the smile that appeared on his face with his cheeks’ colors resembling the vibrant colors of the sky when the sun rose from the horizon every morning, and the eyes shining with his smile reflected on its calm surface.

Chanyeol reached up his hand to touch his face with an intention to brush off his tears, but all his fingers found was his dried cheeks and a smile. Then he remembered—how Baekhyun’s own fingers wiped away his tears and stopped the liquid from flowing, and how Baekhyun himself made the misery that was the source of his tears to run away…

It was a known fact to Chanyeol that with Baekhyun at his side, he would be okay. It was amazing to observe and feel how one simple touch or one call of his name from Baekhyun could affect him so much—be it something so eminent like bringing a strong sense of assurance and confidence or even something as simple yet valuable like painting a smile on his face.

For some people, promises were made first to be broken later. But to him, in Baekhyun’s case, he didn’t believe it that way because from experience he knew Baekhyun was the one whose promises were his spoken efforts. So this time it was him who reached for Baekhyun’s body, this time it was his turn to prove how much he wanted to give back for all Baekhyun had done for him.

Without hesitation, he pulled Baekhyun into a hug and enclosed Baekhyun in his arms. When Baekhyun returned the gesture, circling his waist and nuzzling his head into the crook of his neck, he placed his hand on Baekhyun’s nape to keep Baekhyun’s head safe before he kissed the crown of Baekhyun’s hair softly.

So Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s phone lying on the bed, unlocking it with the passcode that only he and Baekhyun knew. Then he chose a song from their playlist and found Ben E. King’s 1961 song, _Stand By Me_. He remembered clearly Baekhyun telling him it was one of his favorite songs, and the power of this song came from the fact it was inspired from a same titled gospel song written in 1905 by Rev. Charles Albert Tindley, and borrowed lines from Psalm 46 from verse two to three. “It’s me, for you.”

_When the night has come_  
And the land is dark  
And the moon is the only light we’ll see  
No, I won’t be afraid 

_No, I won’t be afraid  
Just as long as you stand, stand by me_

“I’ve been waiting for so long and after I met you, all those years ago, I knew I’ve finally found someone to stand by me,” Chanyeol started. He was, by his scars of losing his father, unable to attain proper attachment to people, for fear of losing them just as easy as when he lost his father. But in how Baekhyun was never too far, patiently helping him to put himself back together, Baekhyun had become the only one who could break his barrier all along and changed him, forever. So, naturally he would do anything to keep Baekhyun with him forever, too. “And I will stand by you.”

From the start of the song, when Baekhyun realized how Chanyeol still remembered his remark about this particular song, he had already prepared himself to listen to Chanyeol’s words with the soft, deep voice. He closed his eyes, letting the words washing over him. The words Chanyeol spoke were the only ones he kept written permanently in golden ink, on the pages of his heart.

To Baekhyun, looking at Chanyeol was like looking into a mirror. He showed him what he really was, all the bad and the good—even reflecting the parts he couldn’t see before: his faults, imperfections and gaps of his weaknesses. But here was what differ Chanyeol from others: he also reflected the light that showed him how to right all the wrongs, focusing in the parts he needed to work on and _heal_. Particularly on the bit where he liked to choose to keep the scraps of his broken self all to himself, which was destructive for him as it would cut a deeper, painful wound on him. Even so, without him having to say a word, Chanyeol was always there, carefully keeping him away from the sharp edges and collecting the broken parts to mend it back.

“When in the maze of trouble it feels like you can’t find the right path, I’ll be there to think of a way out with you,” Chanyeol continued. All he wanted was for Baekhyun to know that he was never alone and that help was always given whenever he needed it. He knew how Baekhyun’s mindset was driven to the idea of keeping all of his problems alone, no matter how painful or hard it was, so as not to worry anyone. Even so he understood, the sacred reason behind it—Baekhyun was just trying to protect his loved ones—and he wouldn’t push Baekhyun to speak. So, in times of Baekhyun’s silence, he would just hug the small man, offering his warmth and presence. “Even when the light starts to dim and there seems to be just no way to see the bright side of things, still I’ll sit with you in the dark.”

“You’ve made me see, unceasingly and without fail, the good underneath everything that seems to be bad, how you can find a light of smile even when tears are raining down,” Chanyeol continued as he fondly rubbed Baekhyun’s arms, trying as much as he could to gather more warmth for them. It was all down on how Baekhyun made him see that underneath his scars and wounds, lay the evidence of how all along, he had the ability to withstand it all and come out alive. “So, I will find ways to make you happy for always.”

As Baekhyun kept his arms holding Chanyeol’s waist, listening to Chanyeol’s words and heartbeats that resonated across their bodies to reach his ears, only Chanyeol filled his mind. For how Chanyeol constructed him and his life, he was, to put it in a word, grateful.

How Chanyeol accepted him for who he was, understood every thought of his mind and every whisper of his heart like he had a key to his very soul. He felt as if he was a book hidden deep in a library and Chanyeol had picked him up, gently flipping through the pages of him and patiently reading him to understand who he truly was.

How Chanyeol showed to him his true strength beneath all the things that had happened, including the bad ones he had suffered—how he had endured them all and made it out alive. How he could see more, with a broader mind to learn the course of fate, gained more knowledge of life, and learned how to create happiness along the days he had spent with Chanyeol walking right beside him, was another reason why he would always stay with Chanyeol. How when the day blurred away and the night started to diminish the light, Chanyeol was the only one that stayed bright. His home.

There were days when Baekhyun worried too much for the concepts for his projects, keeping his flawless grades stable, and how he wanted to meet his professors’ expectation for his designs all in the same time made him too stressed, but Chanyeol made him remember to stop once in a while and relax, set his own pace, and have fun in everything he did. In every moment when panic overwhelmed him, Chanyeol was there to soothe his mind.

There was a time when Baekhyun was about to present his particularly important project for a year end exhibition and somehow he couldn’t find the file in his external hard disk. Chanyeol who was there helped him to rearrange the order of when he had to go up for the stage presentation, and retrieved the file from his laptop by running almost a mile to reach his dorm when he had to handle other things. It was just one out of many moment when Chanyeol showed his ability to make quick adjustments in middle of crisis, while in turn Baekhyun couldn’t do that, he was someone who needed more structure on what to do.

_So darlin’, darlin’, stand by me,_  
Oh now now, stand by me  
Stand by, stand by me, stand by me 

_If the sky that we look upon_  
Should tumble and fall  
And the mountains should crumble to the sea  
I won’t cry, I won’t cry  
No, I won’t shed a tear  
Just as long as you stand, stand by me 

“In every moment of quiet contemplation and every time I’m in your arms… I found that you’re the one who could really uplift me and save me from the tumult of the day. You lighten my burdens and gives me grounds for hope,” Chanyeol mused, as he took hold of Baekhyun’s lithe fingers, carefully rubbing each of it. Those exact fingers in his hold, which always held his in all kinds of situation, were what could offer him calmness and a sense of certitude that could tone down his worries. “And I will try to do the same for you.”

To Baekhyun, it was quite amusing that Chanyeol mentioned how he made him strong. When in fact, as mesmerizingly delightful as it was, for how precious Chanyeol was and the great values he brought along, those were what made him so determined to be strong, have faith, never give up. And just like a never-ending circle of goodness, he could use the newfound strength Chanyeol procured in him to make them to be strong too.

Chanyeol gave him everything. His support system. There were times when he had to spend days forced to be awake from morning to the next at the studio to create miniatures and portfolios when he was working on College of Arts and Design’s important project as the art director or when he was madly working on his last year illustration and models reviews for thesis requirement. Chanyeol would always visit him at every mealtime to bring food and drinks, because he knew how sometimes he forgot to eat. There were times when he felt severe homesick, missing his family, and Chanyeol would always offer him company and stayed right by his side. Be it at the library, at the studio or at his dorm, be it when he was sad or happy, Chanyeol would always sat right next to him to fill the slot loneliness usually stayed, and banished the sadness simply with his own presence and ever-cheery self.

In all honesty, despite Chanyeol saying how he truly helped him, to Baekhyun, Chanyeol was better than him. He himself wasn’t exactly a transparent person, he was so used to wear a mask to cover what he felt and he didn’t really show symptoms or tell what was really on his mind, but without him saying a word Chanyeol could impressively sense with perfect precision the thoughts of his mind and the things his heart felt, and supported him in many ways only the tall man could do.

And in any moment, Chanyeol was his first aid in times of emergency: he reduced his pain with his reassuring touches, tight hugs, and consoling words; he helped him to prevent further injuries by showing him how to confront his problems instead of hiding by giving him the right ways on how to protect himself; and he carefully led him and shed a light on the right steps to take while guiding him on how to rely on himself just so he could still walk alone. All of those, and Chanyeol himself, were what saved his life.

_Darlin’, darlin’, stand by me, oh stand by me  
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me_

_Whenever you’re in trouble won’t you stand by me  
Stand by me_

“You and all you’ve brought along into my life are what made me love you even from the very start,” Chanyeol continued as he repeatedly kissed the top of Baekhyun’s head, swaying their bodies a little following the song’s tunes. Keeping Baekhyun closer than the beat of his heart had been his second nature. “Now that I’ve been loving you so long, I won’t ever stop. And I promise you I will continue to love you, as long as the way unchanging memories won’t fade and lives on even after I stopped breathing.”

Baekhyun made him realize how he didn’t have to lean on someone to be strong, but finding out and using his own strength—so this was him absorbing all of the good things Baekhyun showed, to pour it all back to help them become stronger. So many things Baekhyun had done for him, and every day Chanyeol tried to give back. “I know it’s like a paradox but standing next to you… I’m stronger. So, in times when you have problems, stand by me and I’ll help you become stronger too.”

“We’ll stand side by side and go through everything together.” Chanyeol finally finished as with his arms he gave Baekhyun’s body a reassuring squeeze.

At the way Chanyeol just said what he had in mind a few minutes ago about the circle of no end of how they helped each other to be strong, Baekhyun could feel the curl of a smile appearing on his face. His smile grew wider when he realized that to know he was going to live forever inside Chanyeol’s memories… it was all he needed.

And it wasn’t a paradox… that Baekhyun knew. It was fascinating and almost amusingly intriguing on the way Chanyeol shined back what he did for him—when he gave all the love he had in him for Chanyeol, somehow he could see it all reflected back for him in better ways, and even multiplied thousand times more. For example, if he made Chanyeol smile, he would automatically get a smiling Chanyeol exerting efforts with all of his might just to make him laugh in return. It was almost like he reflected the light that the sun shone every day with a glow of passion in everything he did—making the shadow wasn’t so scary anymore and turning doing new things out of their comfort zone into something fun.

As the song’s last outro note was heard and the soft taps of Chanyeol’s hand on his back turned into a tight embrace of Chanyeol’s arms enveloping him completely, Baekhyun felt he could do just anything in the world for Chanyeol. For them.

“Baekhyun… Hyunnie,” Chanyeol softly called, looking down to check Baekhyun who was nestled in his arms. He hoped the words he said for Baekhyun could make what his heart really felt known. “Baby.”

The reply Chanyeol got from Baekhyun—the fond stare in his eyes and the small smile that held greater meaning—it was almost like he never felt the warmth from the rays of the everyday sun if it weren’t from feeling the gentle caress of Baekhyun’s hands on his skin and the shine of earnestness filtering through Baekhyun’s dark mahogany eyes as the small man looked at him with so much love in the orbs he was staring into.

“Yeol, thank you,” Baekhyun finally found his voice to speak. Again, Chanyeol validated his significance and outstanding nature in his life as the prevailing calmness in the center of the storm. “I’m sorry I didn’t think thoroughly with what I said earlier, Yeol. What I meant with how you can do a lot more without me beside you is solely because I know how as an independent person, you are strong… smart, capable, and brave. I believe in you.”

“You’re welcome, Hyunnie. And I’m sorry too,” Chanyeol whispered as he glued their foreheads close, already feeling the sense of comfort just from the simple touch. What he really admired from Baekhyun was how even in times when they were walking along the unfamiliar dark halls of the path of life they had chosen, almost groping their way almost blindly forward, Baekhyun still could see light that lines those roads that beckoned them to stay, a vista consisting of glimmer in the distance that gathered all their strength to keep walking on. “I was just… too afraid you’d leave me. That’s why I asked such question. I think my past-controlled mind was just trying to brace myself if I have to experience the painful impact of getting left behind by the person I love the most for the second time.”

For that, Baekhyun had an affirmative answer for Chanyeol. Slowly he rose from Chanyeol’s embrace to take both of Chanyeol’s hands in his, grasping it tight. These were the hands that he would never let go for two reasons—to protect and keep the tall man by his side and to have his world on his hands. “I’ll always hold your hands and I won’t let go, just like the way you’re always holding mine and never letting me go.”

“I know I’m in the right hands,” Chanyeol said as a soft smile appeared on his face. He knew how at the end of the day, he and Baekhyun would be okay, even at times when they weren’t next to each other… he knew he’d find Baekhyun, as the everlasting warmth feelings in him. Tonight, Baekhyun restored so much faith in his heart, and he was more adamant than ever in making them—especially Baekhyun—happy. So he brought up their linked hands as something that surely would bring a smile to Baekhyun’s face appeared in his mind. “See? I’m in _your_ hands so I’m in the _right hands_ , since it’s your _right_ hand that’s holding my left hand, Hyunnie, do you get it?”

“I know, Yeol,” Baekhyun chuckled. The way Chanyeol smiled again, even managed to joke again made Baekhyun laugh warmly. Staring deep into Chanyeol’s eyes, he found good faith streaming so strong it automatically found its way to stay on his heart, which assured him that they would be just fine, even when they were apart. And those pair of eyes glistening with only contentedness was what he wanted to see every day. So he wished, genuinely wished, it would always stay that way. “Same goes for me.”

Then Baekhyun chuckled as he saw Chanyeol trying to hide his yawn, showing him an adorable look of a puppy with droopy eyes and bulging cheeks. This was his favorite Chanyeol—his cool, suave man turning into his soft giant baby who was tugging on his shirt, slightly tickling him with his phthalo blue hair brushing against his skin as the tall man nuzzled his head on him. “Are you sleepy, Yeol? You should go to sleep now.”

“But Hyunnie,” Chanyeol huffed as he finally let out his yawn, rubbing his eyes softly with his hand forming a fist. The graduation day was really making him exhausted with all the celebration activities in the morning and playing around with Baekhyun for the rest of the day, even though without him having to say it, was filled with so much fun of writing more memories. “I want to stay with you.”

“But you are staying with me,” Baekhyun chuckles, looking at a five years old boy version of Chanyeol who was curled up into a ball in his embrace snuggling impossibly closer to him and trying to rub off sleep in the cutest way. “You’re lying next to me in my arms, Yeol—”

“No,” Chanyeol said, both of his hands slowly making its way to play with Baekhyun’s fingers, massaging the knuckles and rubbing heart patterns on the back of Baekhyun’s hands, before kissing it for a few times. “I want to stay awake just to see you. I want to spend more time with you. I want to be with you.”

“You are with me for always, don’t you know? Even when we’re asleep, we’ll be seeing each other in our dreams because our hearts stay together,” Baekhyun smiled, feeling the softness of Chanyeol’s plump lips on the back of his hands and the warmth from the caresses running through him to reach his heart. He could see how the tall man was trying so hard to stay awake, with eyes blinking quickly as if to usher out the drowsiness. “Now, if you’re sleepy, you should get some sleep, have some rest and I’ll keep watch over you—”

“I’ll go to sleep, but only if you do so,” Chanyeol settled with a half sleepy half stern voice, a puppy scowl and pout were put in place on his face. This night, after he had to relive the memories of his father, even though Baekhyun helped him to cleanse the wound… he just wanted to make sure he had Baekhyun with him, and he would do anything for it to stay that way. Then he tugged on Baekhyun’s arms as a signal for the small man to lie down with him. “With me.”

“I will get some sleep too, Yeol, don’t worry,” Baekhyun said as he chuckled softly. He knew Chanyeol’s real reason—there was still a permanent residue left of fear with what happened between the tall man and his father. So he had himself halfway lying down with his elbow propping him up. “Let’s get you and me some sleep, then.”

“Okay.” Chanyeol replied, smiling. Sleep was another space continuum where he only wished to dream just about him and Baekhyun, laughing cheerily and having each other’s companion. But even so, secretly he wanted to stay awake for two reasons: to keep on looking into Baekhyun’s eyes, be it to observe the twinkle of the dark mahogany orbs or to see it closed shut to know his small man was sleeping well; and to hear Baekhyun’s voice, be it talking about everything or mumbling nonsense on his sleep.

“Come here,” Baekhyun called, smiling as he opened his arms wide. Then he chuckled again as he saw Chanyeol yawning with his mouth agape for a moment before closing again to form a small pout and his eyes blinking slow, half closed… just like a baby. He couldn’t help himself but coo at the sight. “My sleepy baby Yeol.”

“Hey that’s my line! I’m not coming over to you,” Chanyeol sulked, crossing his arms and pretending he was sad with a pout even though his laugh betrayed his look. He was the one who used the _baby_ term of endearment more, somehow a bit jealous Baekhyun said it better than he did. But his whole body betrayed him too as unconsciously he crawled his way forward to take his place on Baekhyun’s arms. “ _You_ are my baby.”

“But aren’t you my baby also?” Baekhyun cooed again, smiling at the adorable look on Chanyeol’s face as he beckoned Chanyeol to come closer by waving his arms. When Chanyeol continued to sulk, he decided to let out his number one tactic to attack Chanyeol by showing his own pout as well: jutting out his lower lip, complete with a huff that created balloons of his cheeks, a slight frown and a cute voice. “Can’t I hug my baby?”

“Okay, okay, I surrender when you’re giving me that look,” Chanyeol surrendered the second he saw the pout forming on Baekhyun’s face as he laughed cheerily, grinning wide that made his cheeks to form two golden suns. So finally he slotted his body with Baekhyun’s, landing himself on the confinement of Baekhyun’s arms and seeking for more warmth in Baekhyun’s hug. With his head again resting on Baekhyun’s shoulder, contentedly he sighed, “Hyunnie.”

The loud laughter Chanyeol let out… Contagious, freely, heartily. Just like what Baekhyun thought an hour ago—the one sound that melted his heart every time he heard it, because by then he knew he had his Chanyeol happy.

So this time it was Baekhyun who dragged Chanyeol back to lie on the bed, fluffing the pillows up before positioning it gently under Chanyeol’s head and tucking the blanket carefully just so Chanyeol’s long legs were covered. Once they were comfortably snuggling into each other’s embrace and Chanyeol’s hands were back clinging on his waist with his head on his chest, slowly he wreathed his arms to cover Chanyeol’s body again, doing his favorite nightly ritual to ease Chanyeol to the dreamland, where everyone entered a world that was entirely their own. He could only hope Chanyeol to dream about happy days only, and for him to be in it with Chanyeol, too.

Somehow, Baekhyun remembered the way Chanyeol sang him Elvis Presley’s _Can’t Help Falling In Love_ back when they were hiking Seoraksan’s trails, and the words Chanyeol said for him that had helped him climb up the steep stairs.

“I love you not just for the sake of having you or just in the hope you’ll return what my heart gives for you. I do love you just because that’s what my heart beats for,” Baekhyun said, repeating what Chanyeol said almost a year ago that he still kept in his mind, while gently he clapped Chanyeol’s back—smiling when he heard the tall man’s contented sighs. “Just like the way time only moves forward, when I love you there is no going back. My love for you goes on and on, parallel with the unstoppable course of time.”

Without question Chanyeol recognized the lines he had said for Baekhyun. It was like Baekhyun reminded him of how he had helped Baekhyun with his words and this time Baekhyun returned the words with his own touch, as if to say he had always had the strength and power to help himself up. And the fact that Baekhyun still had it in his mind… that was more than enough of an assurance. “I love you.”

Watching Chanyeol slowly falling asleep, for Baekhyun, it was like watching the sun as it went down to come home at the end of the horizon, as calming as it was gentle. The rhythm of the Chanyeol’s heartbeat that started to soften, the slow fluttering of Chanyeol’s eyelids and its lashes, the involuntary, tiny scrunches of Chanyeol’s nose, the dreamy look in Chanyeol’s eyes, the soft nudge of Chanyeol’s head as it snuggled into the space below Baekhyun’s arm to fit himself into Baekhyun’s hug—those are the orchestra of simplicities that created a symphony of their night.

Really, Chanyeol helped him to see so many things. For one, he thought promises were just fleeting affirmations, to afford false ground for too high expectations, which unfortunately from his own experience were always made mostly by people who tend to break it. But in the four years of their relationship, be it as friends or as partners, Chanyeol proved to him that there were still genuine people in the world, whose promises could also be something that declared good things were coming his way. He thought people had to find themselves alone in this world—including him—until Chanyeol came up into his vision, patiently digging the solid ground that buried down a Byun Baekhyun who had waited for a lifetime just to be found.

And, for Baekhyun, it was his time to emphasize his stance on the request of a promise Chanyeol had asked earlier. Lowering his voice a tone deeper, softly but with firm determination he said, “But there’s one thing… you know, Yeol? I won’t promise you.”

The sentence made Chanyeol to panic. His sleepiness was instantly wiped away as he craned his head up to look at Baekhyun’s face, his body instinctively trying to get out from the blanket cocoon Baekhyun made for them. “What do you mean—”

“I won’t promise you I’d tell you when I’ll leave,” Baekhyun said, keeping his hands on Chanyeol’s cheeks just so he could hold his stare into Chanyeol’s eyes. “Instead… I promise you that I won’t leave you. Ever.”

“Hyunnie,” Chanyeol whispered. This night would be engraved in his memory, the wound his father left might never vanish completely, but just like what Baekhyun said, at this moment he knew he _could_ heal and be free from the pain—and that was all he cared about. Then he placed his ear gently on Baekhyun’s chest, its loud but soothing beats thrumming against Baekhyun’s ribcage giving him the only reply he had to Baekhyun’s words. “I know how you won’t leave me just like the way I won’t ever leave you. I trust you.”

The last sentence Chanyeol said for Baekhyun was all he needed to ease his mind, or even better, it was all he needed to go on in life and do everything he could to keep Chanyeol safe. So after they were settled, snuggling comfortably on his bed, he continued to lullaby Chanyeol softly to sleep.

The combination of Baekhyun’s soothing voice continuously whispering lines of the songs they just listened, Baekhyun’s hands rubbing up and down his back, and the uninterrupted flow of the lullaby Baekhyun’s heart beat for him successfully lured Chanyeol slowly to sleep. As his consciousness started to fade, he couldn’t help but think how it was always an honor to own the highest privilege of having Baekhyun as the last thing his sight saw at night and the first thing that greeted his eyes in the morning. He hoped, sincerely hoped, it would always stay that way.

As Baekhyun lay awake on the bed that night with Chanyeol long gone sleeping next to him, legs intertwined with his and arms hugging him so closely it left no space whatsoever between them—Chanyeol must still had the idea that somehow he might dematerialize into vapor and leaving him behind—he replayed the conversation in his mind. He would make sure to remember, if the time arise someday in the future, to always have his army of one, with his stout heart as his gun, to fight for Chanyeol, for the both of them.

***

**November 30th, 2016  
**  
Seoul, South Korea  
09.16 AM

Baekhyun woke to a loud ring of his phone, which was located on the bedside table.

After Chanyeol had left for the studio, Baekhyun decided to get some more sleep time. He was going to ignore the call, but his phone just won't stop ringing and vibrating, interrupting every attempt of him to go back to his dreams. Lazily he stuck out his left hand out of the blanket that covered his whole body, grabbed his phone half heartedly, almost knocking down the bedside lamp.

“’Ello.” Baekhyun said with his sleepy voice as he placed the phone on his ear. He couldn’t help it, Chanyeol kept him up all day all night from trying to finish a gigantic coloring poster that ended up with several colorful lines and drawings marking their body, plus rounds of playing Twister that ended up with him moaning under Chanyeol’s thrusts—all after their trip to Chanyeol’s mother's house to inform about their engagement. So, needless to say, he was dead tired.

“ _Hello. Is this Mr. Byun Baekhyun?_ ” The person on the other side of the line asked in a polite tone.

The stranger’s brisk but full of authority voice and the use of his full name woke Baekhyun completely. He checked the caller’s identification and it turned out to be from a number he hadn’t saved yet. Straightening himself to sit on the bed and propping his hands on the pillows, he replied, “Yes, that’s me. And I’m sorry but who’s this?”

“ _Good morning Mr. Byun, I'm Kim Jongdae, from the Seoul National University Hospital. I need to talk to you about the final laboratory result of your blood tests and body check-ups we did a month ago._ ” Jongdae introduced himself and delivered his reason for his call, all in one breath. He tried to keep his tone neutral, even though he was anxious.

For the past one month Baekhyun has been going in and out of the hospital for various medical check-ups, from blood tests, cytogenetic test, even a full CT and MRI scan. All started after he had complained to his doctor that he felt his body weakening, and no amount of supplements or vitamins were enough to boost his energy back. So his usual doctor referred him to Doctor Jongdae, who recommended him a series of tests with hard to spell names since he couldn’t find anything wrong physically.

“Oh, um, morning, Doctor Jongdae,” Baekhyun was more awake now, since whatever Doctor Jongdae was going to tell him was important, or else he wouldn’t call. Or that was what he learned from his and Chanyeol’s sessions of American TV shows binge watching. “Yes, is there anything I can help you with, Doctor?”

Jongdae took a breath and cleared his perfectly fine throat. Officials seemed to do that a lot, so he picked up the habit. “ _Well Mr. Byun, I request for a meeting today to announce the result—_ ”

“I’m afraid I can’t make one today, can you just tell me now what’s the result?” Baekhyun cut the doctor off. Today he had a dinner date with Chanyeol after the latter proposed him, the thought itself enough to make him grin from ear to ear. He wouldn’t let anything ruin that.

“ _Are you sure, Mr. Byun?_ ” there was a hint of hesitancy in Jongdae’s voice. “I’m afraid I need to speak to you directly.”

One glance at the clock hanging on their bedroom wall told Baekhyun it was a little over ten in the morning. He really needed to go out quickly in a few minutes or else Chanyeol’s favorite raspberry quiché that the bakery near to their apartment was selling would be sold out already, and he also needed to go check the new items at the supermarket for the dinner meals he would cook for them… He had lots to do. “Yes, unfortunately today I have a really important appointment—”

“ _But this is urgent, Mr. Byun. I can only see it appropriate to talk about this in person with you._ ” Jongdae said, the hesitancy tone replaced into urgency, a proven trick to change people's minds.

“Do I really have to?” Baekhyun said with a hint of annoyance in his voice. He really didn’t want to leave since he wanted to dedicate the day to get things done for the special night with Chanyeol later after he finished buying things.

“ _Yes, Mr Byun. I insist._ ” Jongdae replied simply, feigning deafness to the sudden tone change in Baekhyun’s voice. He wanted to apologize for forcing Baekhyun, really, but he really needed to do this.

“O-oh, okay, I'm going now.” Baekhyun decided, thinking that whatever the appointment and report were about would be done in probably half an hour. It would left him plenty of times before his date, so he was technically safe.

“ _Thank you, Mr. Byun. I’ll see you soon._ ” Jongdae replied, before he ended the phone call.

Baekhyun hung up the phone. But somehow some off thoughts were passing his mind. He changed his pajamas—Chanyeol’s shirt which was too big on him it gave him sweater paws and thigh length coverage—into a black t-shirt with an old band's name printed upfront and his favorite denim blue jeans, grabbed his keys, went out to the apartment basement and drove his convertible to the hospital.

Throughout the journey to the hospital, Baekhyun thought of every possibilities of his laboratory tests result, what made Doctor Jongdae to insist for a meeting? There should be nothing wrong… right? He felt his grip on the steering wheel tighten, feeling of anxiety slowly creeping up. But as he drove nearer to the hospital, he tried to shake his mind off of bad omens, and tried to think of his dinner date with Chanyeol later instead.

After Baekhyun arrived at the hospital, he proceeded to the receptionist desk to ask for Doctor Jongdae. His arrival was already scheduled and there he wrote down all of his basic details and contact information for his medical record. Then the nurse assisted him to Doctor Jongdae’s room, and after one knock and a soft _come in!_ he was permitted to enter the room.

“Doctor Jongdae, Mr. Byun Baekhyun is here to see you.” The nurse announced, directing Baekhyun to the middle of the room and putting Baekhyun’s newly created medical record folder on top of the doctor's desk.

Jongdae looked up from whatever he was reading, sweeping aside the fringe of his dirty blonde hair that covered his eyes. He wore his automated, formal smile as he stood up and reached his hand out towards Baekhyun. “Hello, Mr. Byun. How are you? Please take a seat.”

Personally, Baekhyun thought Doctor Jongdae looked like Einstein a tiny bit. Slowly, as he took the oncologist’s proffered hand, he sat himself down. He took a long glance at the room—everything was placed perfectly without a speck of dust in sight. Surprisingly, the scent of the room wasn’t antiseptic or stale air like he sniffed at the hospital’s hallways, instead he could breathe in the fresh and calming fruity scent of oranges. But still, the result of his tests that was waiting for him somehow sewed his mouth shut.

Guessing Baekhyun as the silent patient type, Jongdae decided to take control of the conversation. “Mr. Byun, now I will explain your laboratory result.”

For that, Baekhyun could only bore his eyes deep into the cream colored folder Doctor Jongdae was holding. His heart paced faster and he felt as if it might leap out of his ribcage in any moment.

Again hearing no response from Baekhyun, Jongdae took that as a sign to start. Habitually he cleared his throat and took a breath. “Mr. Byun, from all of the blood tests we’ve run, most of your blood cells is in a good shape, all in the right level concentration, in enough amount per one liter of blood, and no anomalies on their morphologies.”

At that, Baekhyun let out a long, relieved breath. So what was the fuss to get him to drive all the way to Jongno-gu? It slightly irked him, he could be preparing for his romantic dinner with Chanyeol at this moment, which he had ideas already in his mind. But it was okay, he was okay. Then, with a small smile and a gesture of going up from his seat, he spoke for the first time since he entered the room. “Okay, then can I leave now—”

Looking at the bright face in front of him, Doctor Jongdae was so close in deciding to never continue his sentence. But he had to, this was his duty as a doctor and an oncologist, he had no choice. “However, there’s something wrong with your leukocytes.”

“My leu—what?” Baekhyun replied, his previously calmed down heart started to pace faster again. _Something wrong_? He unceremoniously plopped back on his seat and gripped the armchair out of habit to distract himself from the ugly what-ifs that started to crawl into his mind.

“Leukocytes, Mr. Byun. It’s your white blood cell,” Knowing what he had to inform next to the man sitting alone in front of him, Jongdae could feel his heart sinking. “Before I tell you further, I suggest you to prepare yourself, this might come out as a shocking news for you.”

Unconsciously Baekhyun moved his seat forward as if he needed to hear whatever Doctor Jongdae was going to say closely, hands started breaking with cold sweat, his grip on the armchair grew tighter. What did Doctor Jongdae mean by _shocking news_? What could go wrong when his life is finally getting better, when he was just proposed by Chanyeol at last? “Um, yes. Alright. Please continue.”

“Mr. Byun, I will try to explain things for you in the easiest terms for you to understand. Please stop me anytime if you want to ask some questions.” Jongdae said at last, after eyeing Baekhyun’s face intently for a minute.

Baekhyun gulped, he could feel his smile faltering as the second went, his heart racing. So all he could say was, “Okay.”

“So, Mr. Byun, right now in your body, a genetic change has happened to some certain blood forming cells of the bone marrow, specifically the myeloid cells that help the body to produce red blood cells, platelets and most types of white blood cells,” Jongdae explained, trying to use the safe words so as not to alarm Baekhyun more. But for the next sentence… there was no way to lessen the impact it would create. “This change forms abnormal cells, forming leukemia cells.”

“Leukemia? But—but that’s—” Baekhyun's smile vanished completely, frozen in his seat. Was he hearing it right? _Leukemia_? Isn’t that… In the storm that started to form in his head, the meaning of the word floated up high, making his brain unable to grasp it. He was so close to put a name to it but Doctor Jongdae beat him to it.

“Mr. Byun, leukemia is the cancer that starts in the blood forming cells of the bone marrow.” Jongdae said, slowly but sure, as he gauged Baekhyun’s reaction. He tried to say the sentence as calmly as possible since from studies and experience he knew the doctor’s bearing could affect the patient’s as well. But still he found it immensely upsetting to see Baekhyun was alone without anyone to hold on to when he had to receive this news.

Cancer. Baekhyun felt his heart stop, his breath hitched. He felt as if someone just knocked his life out of him and now he’s floating, lifeless, and there are huge cracks on the ground ready to swallow him up whole. _Cancer_? Does this mean he was going to… he was going to… he couldn’t bring himself to say the word. So at the end he only blurted out, “Am I going to—”

“Mr. Byun, rest assured you’re not going to _go away_ soon. I promise to help you as much as I can,” Jongdae quickly cut off, he knew what Baekhyun was going to say: _die_. Delivering this kind of news was never easy, even though by working in the oncology section meant he was familiar with the touchy subject of dying and death. Looking at how Baekhyun’s face had drained out of color and seemed as if he might faint any moment, he quickly added, “There is still so much hope for you to survive. Are you okay, Mr. Byun? I need to explain the details, please respond to me, or should I call your partner or family for mental support—”

At the mention of the doctor calling Chanyeol or his family, Baekhyun felt like a bucket of ice had been emptied on him, pulling him out of his shocked state momentarily. Out of all the things he kept for himself to never let worry ever coming into Chanyeol and his family’s minds, this was definitely the number one they _couldn’t_ know. No. He couldn’t let Chanyeol and his family know about his condition and cause them distress, sorrow, or even anxiety. No. _Never!_

“No. It’s—it’s okay. Please continue,” Baekhyun cut off immediately. He wanted to ask so many things—how is the mortality rate? How much people survived? Will he live for another week, another month, another year, another five years?—but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not when he knew the answers were going to scare him even more. Even so, he needed to know everything about the battleground he was about to enter if he wanted to fight for his loved ones in the right way. “Please tell me the truth of my condition. I want to know all about it.”

Seeing there was a different glint in Baekhyun’s eyes—a mixture of determination and fear, but another kind of fear that somehow told Jongdae how it wasn’t for Baekhyun himself but for the people he cared about—he decided to grant his patient’s request, to give out the truth. After another minute of silence passed, he finally spoke again.

“After thoroughly rechecking our findings, in your cytogenetic test result we found that there’s an abnormal chromosome, known as Philadelphia chromosome caused by translocation between chromosome number nine and twenty two. This chromosome found in the malignant cells was the definitive hallmark that led to our conclusion that the type of leukemia you have is Chronic Myeloid Leukemia or CML for short. Once these cancer cells reach the bloodstream, it will make the rate of white blood cells in the circulation higher, and when it spreads to other organs, it will prevent them from working properly.”

“Mr. Byun, even though your type of leukemia is the chronic one, right now you’re already in the warning stage. The cancer cells might look normal but they do not fight infection as effective as the normal ones, hence the common and hard-to-find symptoms. We also has found traces of the cancer cells spreading to other organs, which means this has been happening for a long time, but only now it has been detected. CML might be quite easier to treat and have higher chance of living rate, but I have to press on this matter more, if not treated carefully, CML might turn into its lethal phase or blast crisis and it might compromise your life.”

It was with a heavy heart Jongdae had to tell Baekhyun those words. Memorizing and reciting it word by word just like what he learned in those thick textbooks were easy for him—he was a bright student back in his medical school days—but somehow he felt like a judge giving a life sentence for someone so innocent…

Baekhyun felt his ears ringing, all the explanations Doctor Jongdae provided him barging into his mind and stampeding every sane thoughts he tried to come up with. Just three days ago Chanyeol proposed to him, just three days ago he thought he finally had the world in his hands with Chanyeol right by his side…

“Mr. Byun, I recommend you to set a schedule for your treatment plans immediately. It so happens that we have Center of Hematologic Oncology that specializes in treating leukemia patients. We also offer patients two types of treatments, causative and palliative. We will talk about it on our first appointment. I suggest you to clear a day every week for check-ups, chemotherapy and other medications needed.” Jongdae finished. He thought those lines sounded businesslike, like he was presenting a marketing plan for a company, except for the fact that instead of dealing with money, he was dealing with human lives.

A stretch of ever-expanding maze with sky-high walls appeared in a blink of an eye inside Baekhyun’s mind. How could he cover his absences? Hell, Chanyeol would find out in a matter of minutes, his hawk eyes were trained on Baekhyun’s every intake of breath, what to do now— _think, Byun Baekhyun, think!_ —oh. He could get his Saturday noon work shifts as an excuse, he realized. “Um, D-Doctor Jongdae? Can we do it on Saturdays?”

“Let me check the days for you in a moment, Mr. Byun,” Jongdae replied, and through the intercom he asked the nurse outside for Saturday schedules and whether there was a slot available for Baekhyun. Then a reply came saying that there was a spot for Baekhyun available. “Okay Mr. Byun, we can put you in the Saturday slot. But please take notice that there might be times when we will ask you to come more than once in a week, just for precautions. Sounds okay, Mr. Byun?”

“Y-Yeah.” Baekhyun really couldn’t say anything else, tongue tied by the still raging waves of shock.

“Okay Mr. Byun, I will expect to see you tomorrow. Again, I’m so sorry to have to tell you all of this. I hope you will get better soon, I will see you later, Mr. Byun.” Jongdae had been trained to never give pitiful stares at his patients, but he swore the man’s face in front of him made him feel so much guilt and sadness compared to the rest of his patients in the history of his entire career. He sincerely hoped, he could save Baekhyun’s life.

“T-Thank you.” That was all Baekhyun could offer, before he stood up and left Doctor Jongdae’s room in a rush, almost losing his balance as he closed the door shut behind him.

The first thing he did after he was out was to find a toilet, for his insides were squirming, involuntary impulse of disgust attacking him and he felt everything he ate were making its way up to his mouth. He slammed open the toilet door and plunged into the nearest toilet cubicle to let out all of his vomit, the sour taste of his stomach bile overcoming his senses. Then he finally let out the first batch of his tears, his sobs almost hysterical.

After he felt like no more tears could be extracted from his tear ducts, no more ingested food to spew out, he slowly rose from his kneeling position in front of the toilet bowl, standing to his full height albeit swaying a little. Then he walked out of the cubicle to face himself in the rectangular mirror above the line of bowl-like sinks.

Observing his face he thanked the heavens the toilet was empty, his face red with his tears mixed with saliva and residue of his vomit made him a mess. He quickly washed his face, erasing all traces of the first of his many breakdowns to come. He decided it was time to go home, the hospital had changed into a strange place, like a planet from another alternate universe that he had learned to despise.

Somewhere in between the jumbled thoughts of his mind… he knew he got things to sort out.

Along his way out of the toilet, all kinds of emotions were rushing into him. He noticed his hands were slippery with the excessive amount of cold sweat, his whole body trembling uncontrollably, he felt the room spinning under his feet. His head hurt so bad, he felt as if someone cracked open his skull with a blunt axe. Seeing other sick patients everywhere, the reality of his cursed life just sunk in, it felt like uncountable of invisible balled up fists punching his gut repeatedly with no mercy.

He thought by walking away from the place, he would come out from the alternate universe where he had been diagnosed with blood cancer, but as he exited the lobby and saw more people in patient’s gown sitting on their wheelchairs… he didn’t come out to the universe where he was healthy and happily just got engaged, he was only more reminded of how _severely sick_ he was.

Baekhyun drove back to his apartment without paying attention to anything. When the red light stopped him at the intersection, he looked around him, seeing people talk and walk without a care to the world that someone, himself, that just got diagnosed with cancer, just passed them. The twenty minutes journey back home went like commercials on the TV, no one realized when it was over. Without him realizing where he stepped his feet onto, he was finally back at the living room of his apartment. He felt like a puppet on a lonely string, swaying here and there with no destination, played by the invisible hands of cruel fate.

His first thought after he tried to arrange his mind was how was he going to hide his condition from his family, what would happen if they ever should find out? If his family knew about this… His mother and father would be so devastated, afflicted, always in fear their only son would die before them—

Baekhyun shook his head harshly. No, he wouldn’t let them know, since they would definitely tell Chanyeol. He didn’t want to see his parents and Chanyeol crying over him. Or at least he would only tell Seohyun, the second person beside Chanyeol he was closest to. He would ask her to keep secrets for him and his sister would understand, just like their childhood days when they pinky promised to never tell a single soul of the secrets they shared. It felt as if he was just going to ask his sister to never tell their mother that he got a detention from school for him to not be able to attend classes for a week, but this time… it was for his sister to hide the fact that he got another kind of detention, where he might not be able to be alive for long.

Convincing himself repeatedly it was the right thing to do, in the panic attack that slowly threatened to suffocate him, Baekhyun managed to dial his sister’s number.

The second Seohyun answered with a soft, sleepy mumbled _hello_ , Baekhyun broke down completely, for the second time in a day, sobbing and crying his heart out to his sister and just told her everything he remembered from Doctor Jongdae. 

Seohyun at first was mad at how Baekhyun had woken her up in the dead of night. But after finally hearing Baekhyun’s cries telling her about his diagnosis, she eventually just cried with him, whispering empty reassurances just to stop Baekhyun from crying further, because she knew nothing about what the future would bring for her brother. All she did while pressing down her own cries, was trying her best to let his brother unknown of her own fright. As the eldest, she had to be strong for the both of them.

Baekhyun then begged her to tell neither their parents nor Chanyeol about it, and Seohyun, although reluctantly, accepted after her several attempts to change her brother's mind failed. The call lasted for two hours, his sister didn’t want to end it but he insisted to stop the call before Chanyeol came back from his studio, and it would also raise suspicions from their parents if his sister was caught crying and talking on the phone with Baekhyun for too long.

After the call, Baekhyun could only lie flat on his back on the floor, hair messy, eyes red and swollen, cheeks streaked with tears that wouldn’t stop flowing. He contemplated his choices, what he would do next, after time turned into a ticking bomb for him, and the hourglass decided to drop the sand faster than ever, reminding him of his deadline. Surprisingly, in time of chaos like this when he was under too much pressure, when he finally knew where he was going to end, at last he could force his brain to start thinking of a something, a way out.

And that something was that he needed someone right there to talk. Even though talking with his sister helped a bit, he also needed a presence of someone to hold pieces of his thoughts together, to help him weigh his choices, become his right hand. But it couldn’t be Chanyeol, he just couldn’t imagine the idea of breaking Chanyeol’s heart, of Chanyeol going down in flames with him, of Chanyeol crying on top of his limp body after he was gone…

Because to Baekhyun, Chanyeol was the one balancing his serious and monotonous side with his fun and lively happy circus parade, the one that brought up his sunny side up, the one who were able to detect and push his right buttons. If he told Chanyeol about the illness, it would surely only bring rain and mud to the parade, and how else he could be happy if his happy-go-lucky machine wasn’t working anymore?

In the tornado that rumbled in his mind, Baekhyun could only think of one person—Minseok, his closest senior. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason why, but he knew Minseok was someone that will keep his secrets too, just like his sister. So he dialed Minseok’s number, asking him to come between his stifled sobs. 

Minseok had tried to ask him what happened through phone, but Baekhyun’s sobs combined with repeated whispers of _Minseok hyung_ , made the older man to change his mind and told Baekhyun he would get his car and drive to Baekhyun’s aid as soon as possible.

Not long after Baekhyun hung up the phone, Minseok arrived. By the time he heard someone rang the bell to the apartment, he opened the door to find Minseok standing in front of him, his appearance messy, like he had been swept away by the winds. It seemed like Minseok had gone to his and Chanyeol’s apartment in a rush after he ended the call. He then just let Minseok hug him, the older man’s hands running up and down his back.

“Shush, it’s okay. I’m here,” Minseok repeatedly said, wrapping his arms around Baekhyun’s body. This was his only junior that he held dearly, and seeing him crying made him so worried. When Baekhyun’s sobs turned into louder, he added, “Baekhyun, what’s wrong? Please tell me.”

“Help me, hyung…” Baekhyun faintly whispers, as he completely collapsed on Minseok’s arms. He thought after having a presence of someone, his words would flow right off, but then he realized having to tell someone physically was tenfold harder than talking through the phone.

More worried and confused, Minseok decided to half carry and half drag Baekhyun to the nearest couch, carefully seating Baekhyun into a comfortable position before he got up to fetch a glass of water from the kitchen for Baekhyun. “Here, drink it slow.”

Grateful, Baekhyun took the glass and drank the whole content in a minute. “Thank you, hyung…” He croaked, his voice small and almost inaudible between his sobs.

Minseok then sat himself next to Baekhyun and massaged his shoulders. He felt how tense and stiff Baekhyun’s muscles were. After five full minutes of no one talking and Baekhyun’s sobs finally turned into just whimpers, Minseok finally broke the silence. While massaging Baekhyun’s hands, he asked softly, “Baekhyun, tell me what’s wrong. What happened?”

Baekhyun gave no response, he really wanted to tell Minseok everything, but the shock still had him tongue-tied. So he only shifted his stare from looking at nothingness into Minseok’s eyes.

Minseok saw how red Baekhyun’s eyes were, his dark mahogany irises blown out, almost looking like a hurt puppy. He wanted to try asking Baekhyun again, this time he was about to ask where is Chanyeol, this time having discovered the absence of the man in the apartment. But he thought that maybe Baekhyun had a fight with Chanyeol, so it was better not to ask for the moment.

Then Minseok gave Baekhyun an encouraging smile, he didn’t understand what was happening, but he did understand that Baekhyun might need some time before telling him anything. “Baekhyun, let me take you to the bedroom, okay? I think you need some rest.”

Gently, Minseok lifted Baekhyun’s left arm, draping it over his shoulder to circle his neck before placing his right hand on Baekhyun’s waist for a better support. They slowly walked, one step at a time, to reach Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s bedroom. He wasn’t sure but he had read somewhere about giving mental support was the best first aid. So, to somewhat soothe Baekhyun, he whispered, “That’s it, slowly but sure.” 

Baekhyun silently obeyed Minseok and only sobbing in intervals, feeling grateful.

After they entered the bedroom, Minseok tucked Baekhyun on the bed safely with pillows enough to make a fort, blankets enough for the winter, and a refilled glass of water with snacks he had found at the kitchen cupboards.

Baekhyun kept himself quiet, his mind still blank, he was only conscious enough to watch Minseok silently worked his way around his and Chanyeol’s bedroom. As Minseok was turning around, about to leave, he reached for his hand, effectively stopping him.

“Minseok hyung.” Baekhyun croaked, after Minseok turned around to face him.

Minseok was stunned by how hoarse Baekhyun’s voice sounded, how long had he been crying? Then he hummed as a reply. He sat on the small space left on the bed beside Baekhyun, waiting patiently. 

After seeing the attentive look on Minseok‘s eyes, Baekhyun took it as a sign to just go ahead.

“Three days ago, Chanyeol proposed to me.” Baekhyun started, voice trembling, he was close to crying again.

Hearing the sudden news, Minseok’s jaw dropped, eyes popped wide. “What—oh my god! When did that happen? Finally! This is such a great news! We have to celebr—” he suddenly stopped his squeal of excitement when he noticed Baekhyun’s face faltered at it, his sobs were back, tears were forming again on the corner of his eyes.

“Baekhyun? What is happening?” Minseok asked worriedly. Something wrong must’ve had happened, and he didn’t like the prospect of that. Then he reached for Baekhyun’s hands and started massaging it again to help ease whatever Baekhyun had in his mind. “Come on, tell me. Please?”

It didn’t take long before Baekhyun opened his mouth, letting out whatever in his mind to Minseok.

“Hyung. I just want to live my life, never be cruel, be good to everyone and be true. With my family, with my friends, with you… With Chanyeol! That is all I’m asking for. But why does it have to be me to carry this illness, this burden!” Baekhyun shouted desperately as his hands went up to his head, grasping as many strands of his hair he could before he tugged on it hard, feeling so much in distress.

With his mouth opened slightly, Minseok was going to reply, but Baekhyun interjected him.

“I will never be able to enjoy my life again thanks to my stupid illness, I don’t deserve anything good because I’m going to die anyway, how fun!” Baekhyun cried his heart out, letting the ugly self-hatred and reckless fear overcoming his mind for once. He had his tears and snot dirtying his face, his gaze weak, unable to look straight into Minseok’s eyes.

“Baekhyun—look at me,” Minseok said, his voice stern, hands reaching to wipe Baekhyun’s face clean. “Listen to me. You deserve to be happy—fuck it, you deserve every best thing in this world, Baekhyun! And you’re not going to die, don’t you ever say that again! Now tell me, what do you mean by _illness_ —”

Baekhyun sat up from his lying position so fast he sent pillows flying before he cut Minseok right there, emotion running high. “Chanyeol proposed to me three days ago, hyung. I swear to god that day was the best day in my life. But today, just a few hours ago, I have been diagnosed with leukemia, hyung, a blood cancer!” His sobs were so loud now, big fat tear dollops falling from his cheeks to his clothes. He thought he had calmed enough, but the sayings were true—the more you talk about your problems to people, the more you want to let out the pent-up feelings.

The last word Baekhyun said made Minseok’s body freeze all over. This must be some macabre joke Baekhyun tried to pull, it seemed too unreal… He waited for thirty seconds for Baekhyun to bail out, but the sobbing man in front of him didn’t stir even for a bit… With his voice so quiet he almost whispered, he asked, “Baekhyun… this is just a joke, right? You’re lying… right?”

Looking up to gaze into Minseok’s eyes, Baekhyun wished he was lying too.

Then Minseok gasped. The look in Baekhyun’s eyes and the way Baekhyun didn’t tell him otherwise told him that it wasn’t a joke, Baekhyun was telling the truth… This was infinite times worse than what he had imagined, he had thought Baekhyun was just sad and not his usual positive thinking self because Chanyeol wasn’t around, or maybe they fought a little—but this? Cancer?

Unconsciously Minseok hung his head low. He couldn’t even look at Baekhyun now, or else he would start crying. So he braced himself once more after the news settled in, and cautiously asked, “Can you explain to me further about your…” His sentence trailed, he couldn’t finish what he wanted to say and say out loud the damned word.

After he took a painful breath, Baekhyun finally told Minseok everything he heard from Doctor Jongdae. He felt nauseous, he had to tell the same thing twice, once for Seohyun and now for Minseok. At intervals he had to stop talking when the pain was just too much and he couldn’t control his sobs, with Minseok repeatedly trying to calm him down.

After Baekhyun finished his story, Minseok was stunned. It was too much to take in, the severity of Baekhyun’s illness was enough to scar him for a lifetime. How come someone as humble, down-to-earth and kind as Baekhyun had to suffer this kind of thing?

“Baekhyun… I—I don’t know what to say, if only I can do anything to lift this illness off of you…” Minseok’s voice faltered, he was truly at a loss of words. He knew nothing could change what happened. He pulled the sobbing Baekhyun into a hug, running his hands on Baekhyun’s arms and back to ease Baekhyun’s shaking figure, letting Baekhyun’s tears to wet his shoulders.

“It’s okay, hyung. You don’t need to do anything.” Baekhyun replied, his voice still shaking from his hiccups although a bit calmer. He never needed someone to give him the false impression that people always love to seek—that at least two could carry the burden—because he knew the truth of how they were alone. Everyone in this world was alone all along, anyway.

Hands still caressing Baekhyun gently to ease his cries, Minseok then realized something. “Baekhyun, does Chanyeol know about this?”

At the resurfacing of Chanyeol’s name, Baekhyun let himself go from Minseok’s hug.

It was the right wake-up call he needed, reminding of the task he has to do. His mind worked its gear again, reviving his logic. He couldn’t let himself turned into mayhem like this. He had to clear his mind of the fog clouding it, and Chanyeol’s name was like a button, turning on the suction that cleared everything. His mind started to sort things out, looking for a way out of the labyrinth. Once he reached a dead end, he’d try another path. And sometimes, when you found something blocking your way, you just have to push through it. He had to accept the unmitigated truth.

Baekhyun didn’t want to be the one who brought sorrow into his loved ones’ life. He didn't want them to feel… Burdened. As if they had to bear the responsibilities and consequences of something that was just couldn't be helped, something that fate had decided to happen. He meant—would someone in their right mind do that to the people they’d take a bullet for?

Baekhyun understood some people might think he was insane, out of his mind, demented… But he swore he would take it all alone, he was willing to be the only one insane, got sent to an asylum and forced to wear a straitjacket—literally there was nothing in the world he wouldn’t do, if it meant the people he loved the most were safe and free.

Baekhyun’s eyes wandered around his and Chanyeol’s room, taking time to absorb every single detail, since he knew from the time he heard Doctor Jongdae’s verdict… every second was crucial to cherish.

Then his eyes landed on their reading corner outside the bedroom.

The place sat tight like bookends in their living room: with Chanyeol’s grand piano on its left and a tall glass shelf where they stored merchandises from places they traveled to on its right. It was also situated close to the French doors with its tall glass windows that led to their balcony.

Almost every weekend they would host reading nights to listen to the secrets authors whispered to them through the printed works. Always with the same arrangement: on the spacious, thick and downy Cashmere rug Baekhyun would sit cross-legged, his back against the wall and Chanyeol would read with him or sleep instead with his head on his lap. They loved to spend time with their silent friends: thick blankets, lots of fluffy pillows more than he could count, two large beanbags, two tall reading lamps, two servings of whatever they wanted to eat and drink; and sometimes, when the sky and the clouds were generous, they would give them the company of the moonlight.

There were also two wooden enormous bookshelves—one for Baekhyun with his leather bonded books from the Romantic and Victorian periods of Keats, Browning, Byron, Brontë sisters, Shelley, Wilde, Wells, Trollope and Stevenson reside, one for Chanyeol with his transparent plastic covered Japanese manga collection of Aoyama Gosho’s _Detective Conan_ , Eiichiro Oda’s _One Piece_ , Masashi Kishimoto’s _Naruto_ mixed with JK Rowling’s _Harry Potter_ , JRR Tolkien’s _The Lord of the Rings_ , and George RR Martin’s _Game of Thrones_ series lay side by side.

His mind flied off for a moment to the memories of them lying on their stomachs and heads propped on their elbows at night. Him discussing the wise words and nineteenth century adventures of dead poets and novelists with Chanyeol looking up in awe at him for being able to dig such deep meanings from the complex words; or Chanyeol fervently talking about magic, superpowers and mythical beings with Baekhyun laughing with him, thrilled by how excited the tall man was. Both scenarios usually ended up with them sleeping, cuddling with their books open. Their lives were so simple and it was enough; he’d pay inane amount of money just to go back and undone today…

But somehow his line of vision was pulled to Chanyeol’s carefully stacked Harry Potter books and among others the Deathly Hallows book stood out the most. The view led him into remembering that one time when Chanyeol reasoned to him as to why Harry finally accepted the truth that at the end, Harry had to let Voldemort kill him. Because only by then Harry could remove the Horcrux, a part of Voldemort's soul, from him to make the immortal Voldemort vulnerable to death once more. And to Harry, his death was only one loss compared to the thousand lives of the Wizarding world. Just like his misery to keep everything to himself, nothing compared to Chanyeol and his family’s happiness, a privilege of unknowing the truth.

And at this time it was Baekhyun’s time to be his own Harry Potter self, to be a true Gryffindor and show up his chivalry, perseverance and bravery. Then he forced himself to stop crying and wiped his tears. He couldn’t let himself to be the foolish sailor crying over his bomb-struck holed ship that chose to drown on his sea of tears and endangering everyone on board instead of actually fixing and patching the hole. He should start eliminating the main source of problem and doing actual work.

At first, Baekhyun didn’t catch the phrase _life is a game_. But now he understood.

Although a metaphor could never be a perfect representation of concepts, since life wasn’t a mere game, but it helped breaking down abstract concepts for him. And life, just like game and its varying degrees of levels, had its own obstacles and challenges he had to overcome. It would be just like when he and Chanyeol were playing video games together, trying to survive, to finish the game and win. Even though in life he knew once he had joined, he couldn’t just escape and leave it unfinished, he had to give his all and try again until he succeeded.

So, Baekhyun knew as he found himself all alone in this game, with everything that had changed, all he could do was play the game and make his own rules. He knew he couldn’t quit until it’s won. He was a soldier of himself, only him who can do what must be done.

He just wanted to take matters into his own bare hands first, before asking for help. Even though it meant dribbling scalding-hot molten lava or putting red-hot charcoal on his flesh. He’d take it all; the pain, the sadness, everything. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone. He didn’t want to make anyone sad.

Though the illness might be beyond Baekhyun’s control, there were still choices he could make. Dark times of a long journey with rocky paths lay ahead of him, and this was the time where he must choose between what was easy to do but wrong and what was hard to go through but right.

It seemed obvious that the choices he made in life determined the shape of his life took, but not everyone knew how it really worked. It was easy to embrace the darkness inside and much harder sometimes to take the right path. But he knew that only his choices that showed what he truly was, even far more than his abilities: the ripples of one good deed could spread and affect others, making the effort worth it whether a person understood or not.

And those were his answers, all those thoughts. For the moment, at least.

Abruptly Baekhyun turned his head back to a baffled Minseok who was still half-hugging him. He glanced at the clock on the wall, four more hours until the supposed time for Chanyeol to come home. He needed to act fast.

Then—he realized it; he had just accepted Chanyeol’s proposal three days ago! It meant a wedding was in close proximity… The thought of a wedding sounded so out of space in his mind, so out of place almost like the only shining firefly among the looming darkness. What if Chanyeol asked him to arrange their wedding? Would he be able to stay alive until that day? He didn’t even know until when he was allowed to live. With his future so uncertain and death already showed itself much more prominently at the end of his road… He didn’t know if he had the heart to accept the request once Chanyeol asked for a wedding, it would be like giving a false hope, a broken promise, like he intentionally tried to hurt Chanyeol’s heart.

So, as a precaution, it was better to never mention a wedding in front of Chanyeol even though of course he couldn’t dodge the forthcoming question. 

But deep down inside, he wanted just for once to be selfish and just say yes, because it was all he wanted; to walk down the aisle to a waiting crowd with a beaming Chanyeol holding him gently as the tall man lead their way, to be with Chanyeol fully as husbands, as his ally for life. Although right at this moment, he could see that dream evanescing into the void…

The heart sickening thing was that he remembered how happy Chanyeol was when he said yes, how delighted his family was when he announced Chanyeol’s proposal, how he already had scenes created in his mind of what would happen at their wedding right after he saw Chanyeol on his knees. But now he was facing the fact that he might not be able to make it to their wedding—if they ever held one…

“Minseok hyung,” Baekhyun whispered quietly, like he was about to deliver a top-secret mission. Strangely, he could hear himself speaking so calm, as if the thought of saving Chanyeol and his family counteracted the storm of his mind. “Can you help me?”

“Yes, anything, Baekhyun,” Minseok said, clasping Baekhyun’s hands. He was glad Baekhyun could speak again, even though he was dead worried when he watched Baekhyun staring intently at nothing for so long as if he was contemplating so hard to do something. “Mention it to me, anything I can do to help, I’ll do it."

“Then, hyung. I have just one thing. Please promise me you won’t tell Chanyeol. Don’t tell anyone.” Baekhyun said to a startled Minseok. Plans were starting to form in his mind while he carefully plotted everything to make sure nobody knew about his illness. It was hard, but he tried as much as he could to think of it as if he was just in a video game, going for a tower heist takeover. Somehow at this very moment he knew the reason he was born clever with a practical mind and quick wits—it was for this exact day.

Minseok was absolutely not having it. How could Baekhyun keep out of serious matter like this? Was he out of his mind? “But Baekhyun—”

Baekhyun was fast to interject. He was a capable twenty nine years old man with an intact mind to make a reasonable decision. People might think he was mad, mental or crazy, and indeed he was; but it was a kind of crazy where he would do _anything_ to ensure the well being of his loved ones. “Hyung, please? Promise me, I have a plan. Besides, my decision is final.”

“But Baekhyun…” Minseok tried to plead again with his eyes, but after seeing Baekhyun replied his gesture with a strong shake of his head, he knew it was time to give in. “Okay… but will it be okay?”

“Thank you, hyung. It will be okay.” Baekhyun replied, trying to convince himself more than Minseok. Truth was, it was not okay at all. How could it be okay when he knew his death already came snapping at his heels and there was a wide chance of losing Chanyeol and his family soon? But he needed to be okay, he had to be okay to proceed with his plan.

“So, what are you—what are you going to do?” Minseok asked. Honestly he himself couldn’t think of anything to get out of the maze Death itself designed, but there Baekhyun was, planning. God really blessed Baekhyun with amazing brain power.

Baekhyun fiddled with the blanket Minseok draped over his legs. He pondered for a while, weighing his options. He needed to be sure, since attention to detail in the preparation was the prerequisite in all planning.

While he was waiting for Minseok come, he managed to look through the digital files Doctor Jongdae sent him through email, which contained the explanations of everything about the illness including the treatment plans. It was either causative—“ _The treatments are directed to combat the cancer cells with full force, securing a higher probability of survival rate. Despite this advantageous side, it also comes with worse side effects._ ”—or palliative—“ _When the causative treatments aren’t working anymore or when patients requested specifically to focus on increasing the quality rather than prolonging the length of life._ ”

To Baekhyun, the answer was obvious. “I just want a normal death, hyung. I think I will just receive palliative treatments. I've heard the chemotherapy doses from causative treatments will make me weaker than ever.”

Why palliative? Baekhyun had two reasons.

Reason number one, Baekhyun couldn’t afford to let his family and Chanyeol saw him weak, helpless, and powerless. He might avoid his family from knowing because they weren’t at Seoul, but he couldn’t avoid Chanyeol fussing over him and still keeping the secret, he knew if he got weaker and started to manifest side-effects from the causative treatments Chanyeol would definitely find out. People who thought ghosts' grotesque faces were scary were wrong, when it came to him, his family and Chanyeol’s emotional outbursts and panic induced faces were his greatest fears. Everything seemed to lead into Chanyeol knowing, and that was the last thing he wanted.

Reason number two, what was the point of living for hundreds of years if he didn't feel good and happy? He had always wanted to focus on living life as fully as possible and feeling as well as he could, even more in this difficult time.

Again, Minseok couldn’t accept that, he couldn’t let Baekhyun destroy himself. “But Baekhyun! That’s not enough! You need advanced comprehensive treatment, I think I’ve seen articles about the best in-depth treatments that was proven effective located outside South Korea—”

“No, hyung. I don’t think I can do that. Leaving everything I have here? If I leave that means Chanyeol will know, I don’t want that. I’d rather do what I can here, and let time heal and decide for me.” Baekhyun said determinedly. This was his self-sufficient mind taking over, not a notice of surrender.

Actually Baekhyun understood Minseok’s suggestion to get the most powerful and effective treatment in an instance because he understood his and every human’s number one fear: death. But Baekhyun, he would never for once cower in fear of death, because it was more of what we didn’t know what would happen next that we fear of, rather than death itself. It reminded him of the times he complained about his fear of dark, Chanyeol would tell him another favorite Dumbledore quote of his, _it is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more._

It was this exact day when Baekhyun had genuinely come to terms with the deep truth behind the throw away phrase: _we all have to go sometime_. Saying it in a philosophical way before this day had been easy, but when it was applied to the reality he was so close and so soon to end up at… he felt the immensity of the current situation he was in and the consequences that lied behind every choice he had to take to handle it. From this moment onward he chose to stand tall, no matter what he felt, as long as he had the strength to fight, he would fight.

So that was Baekhyun’s irrevocable decision—he would fight silently alone and face death right in the eyes if it meant he could keep Chanyeol and his family out of harm’s way.

As he watched Baekhyun being silent too long for his liking, Minseok sighed heavily. Typical Baekhyun to have a different mindset from most people, when everyone ran away from the very thought of death and cancer, Baekhyun embraced it like an old friend. But he knew better not to argue with him, all he could do was to make sure along the time their plan was put on work, Baekhyun was okay. “So, next step after that?”

“I think I should start writing my will, hyung. Just in case.” Baekhyun said, still calculating every variable he had in his mind. Unfinished businesses and unsaid things, those were his top priorities.

Minseok swore things got scarier with every second that passed. “Baekhyun!—”

“Hyung—let’s not sugarcoat things again—let’s talk real. I know the prognosis for me is not good at all. Worst scenario, my death is soon. You’ve heard what I told you from Doctor Jongdae, I’m dying anyway.” Baekhyun reasoned. He was never the one to stir up lies to make a fake sense of comfort, he only used his common sense to face the hardship right from day one.

Baekhyun thought it was like when he were to face a battle to the death, and presented two choices between being wretchedly dragged into the arena and walking into the arena with his head held high. Some people might think that there was little to choose or even no difference at all between the two ways, but he knew that there was all the difference in the world.

Minseok wished Baekhyun would stop saying those two cursed words of _death_ and _dying_ , but knowing the man for years proven that he would probably tell him that there was no use in denying what would happen to every human ever existed on earth, he alternated into trying to plead again. “But Baekhyun!—”

“Hyung, this is not me giving up, this is me being realistic. I’ve talked with my sister, I know my facts, now I need you to understand and help me with my plan.” Baekhyun replied with certainty, giving no space for Minseok to argue back. He wasn’t exactly ready, but he needed to prepare because he knew either way what was coming for him would come, and he would meet it when it did.

“But Baekhyun—no, listen to me!” Minseok began to sincerely beg, raising his voice even though Baekhyun showed no sign to protest but such a knowing look that made him feel so agitated at how lightly Baekhyun took the matter of his life. He was just so scared he might lose Baekhyun. Almost feverishly, he let out a jet of excuses in the hope it would alter Baekhyun’s decision. “This is not the moment where you can just apply desperate measures for desperate times—you can’t just throw caution to the wind this easily—or put everything down the line like this—”

“I know I might—or I will, who knows—lose everything,” Baekhyun replied calmly, somehow his quiet voice cut sharply through the air and was enough to silence Minseok right away. It was as if the answer of the things Minseok said to him was already written on his heart all along. “And that’s all the more reason to keep on fighting, right? This plan is my strategy to fight. So, will you help me, hyung?”

Today was the first time in his life Minseok hated how true Baekhyun was. He sighed, here they go again with Baekhyun’s grand scheme. It was such a remarkable trait of Baekhyun, the cool use of intellect to keep everyone safe while even he himself was in grave peril. “Baekhyun…” he sighed, hands grasping Baekhyun’s so tight. “Alright. Let’s say I agreed, what is your plan?”

“I will have to get my palliative treatments every week and me missing once a week will look suspicious for Chanyeol… I think I have to think of a something to cover it, for now it’s going to be me pretending I’m going to work.” Baekhyun decided, putting the blocks of brick of his plan one by one in his mind. The fact that Junmyeon gave him the Saturday shift made him couldn’t help but thought about how it was like an indication that he would need it for an excuse of his chemotherapy sessions…

“Is that enough?” Minseok replied, a bit skeptical. He should convince Baekhyun to just tell Chanyeol, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, as he know deep down when Byun Baekhyun was determined about something, you could never change his mind. Baekhyun would fight for what he thought were the right purposes for the right reasons. And he had witnessed it himself how ninety nine percent of the time Baekhyun never went wrong.

“No… So many complicated things I have to cover, but it’s enough for now. I know Chanyeol’s traits and how he’ll act. And your role here, hyung, is to cover up for me if Chanyeol ever asked me about where I am. If he asks, it means I’m unreachable at the moment, so it’s either I’m just at the hospital—you can text me and I’ll reply—or…” Baekhyun reeled, his voice faltering.

“Or?” Minseok urged, his mouth open ready to debate if Baekhyun replied he was going to do something nonsensical. And he didn’t like it when people’s voice faltered, it was like they were too afraid the things they were going to say was either a hurtful truth or a shocking fact.

“Or I’m gone and I can’t reply anymore, hyung,” Baekhyun continued. It wasn’t easy to pronounce out loud the prospect of death, despite his mind was already starting to accept the fact. “And that is when you will have to give him my letter.” He added, after a second thought. He needed to make sure he cemented the bricks solidly, leaving no holes on his wall of plan.

Minseok closed his mouth as he went silent. The reply was a completely logical one, but knowing it would happen to Baekhyun, his best friend that he already considered as a brother and not just someone else… it made him want to break the law of science, to make it illogical, to stop death from taking away his brother—even though he himself would be taken away by death too, one day. But at least, the first task was okay and he admitted he was good at lying—for good purpose, of course. So for now he just needed to focus on the second task. So he asked, “What letter?”

The letter served as the safe net if all went wrong. It was the cherry on top of Baekhyun’s cake of plans. “A letter explaining _everything._ And my will too. An important note though, hyung, only give the letter to Chanyeol after I’m gone. Otherwise, burn it. Easy, right?”

Minseok said nothing. The second task was simple, but to think that he had to do it _after_ Baekhyun was gone made it harder tenfold. The mental deadweight he now had to carry started to clog his heart, almost pulling him down to kneel and beg Baekhyun to just stop all of _these._ But he knew he couldn’t. So he nodded.

After a fraction of a second, Baekhyun smiled. It was unbelievable, but once he sorted things out, he could smile. At least he had something that he knew would go his way. The atmosphere in the bedroom was uncannily calm. Chanyeol’s full of tears and horror-stricken face passed Baekhyun’s mind again, and he shuddered. Chanyeol definitely couldn’t know about this. “I’m so glad I told you, hyung. You don’t freak out, thank you for helping me. Even by only listening to me… you’re helping me too. It means so much.”

“Baekhyun… you don’t know how crushed my heart is right now… I can never be able to fill your shoes. Please accept my sorrow as well as my admiration for you in your acceptance of such a dire prognosis, and for sharing your feelings with me. I’m not sure I could’ve done the same with such poise. I’m terribly sorry to hear about your illness, even though I know sorry is not a word that can adequately express my feelings. I sincerely hope you can survive. We will get through this together, remember that I will always be there for you.” Minseok replied, emotionally tired from the way things took turns today. He was so lousy at pouring out what he really felt, but he tried his best to let Baekhyun know how earnest his feelings were for him.

Baekhyun’s smile wavered, but he won’t let Minseok see it. _Survive._ The word sounded so impossible to him, it probably wouldn’t fit him. “Yeah. We will see about that, hyung. Thank you so much, I knew I could count on you.”

Minseok sensed something else in the sentence, but didn’t push the topic more—he chose to trust Baekhyun. “Keep me updated every day. I’ll call you if I must, so I won’t lose you and I’ll keep surveillance over you. I’m always one call away, I swear.”

At the worrying gesture under the cover of Minseok’s empty threat, Baekhyun chuckled. He understood Minseok cared about him so much. “Yeah hyung, I know,” he glanced to the wall clock, counting the time. It was the time to start executing his plan, putting it to work. “Hyung, Chanyeol will be home soon, I think it’s time for you to go back home."

“Okay, okay,” Minseok replied, standing up while tucking the bed cover and more layers of blanket to envelop Baekhyun properly. “Don’t go to war with yourself, Baekhyun. There are times when we, all of us, need someone else’s help. Remember what I said, call me anytime.”

Baekhyun flashed another small smile in order to assure Minseok that he was okay, even though he knew the older man was never easy to fool. “Thank you hyung, be safe.”

Minseok had a strong inkling that the smile was forced, but at least Baekhyun was still able to smile, even though it lacked the requirement of a real happy feeling to qualify being a proper smile. His heart was then calmed just for a bit as he had known and trusted Baekhyun for so long—he knew whatever Baekhyun did, it would never derive from reckless thinking. So, as he walked out of the bedroom, he turned off the lights for Baekhyun to rest and said, “You too. We—you—will be okay. I’ll see you soon.”

As soon as the closing sound of his apartment’s door was heard and Minseok’s footsteps slowly dissipated, Baekhyun let his façade fall. Faking smiles was harder than he thought, he wondered how could people love doing fake smiles more than genuine ones.

There were no more tears left to be shed and no more arguments remained to debate his decision, but there was still something nagging at the back of his head, like he always had when making important decisions. It was like even though he knew for sure what to _do_ , he didn’t know for sure what would _happen_. With so many options and paths that led into millions of different outcomes and endings, he was so afraid—what if he had chosen the wrong one?

Mind stuffed full more than its maximum capacity, inappropriate for his current situation or not, the only thing he wanted to do was to stop thinking for a moment.

Slowly he tried to rise from the bed, removing the thick layers of blanket Minseok had draped around him. Despite being embedded with the thick cotton paddings and the heater was turned on… he could feel how the room had gone so, so cold. As he stood up on the seemingly icy surface of their bedroom’s wooden floor, automatically he slung over his shoulders one particular blanket that had taken Chanyeol’s minty scent, inhaling it as he wrapped himself tight with it—it felt like he had Chanyeol’s arms around him—and the place was much warmer now, even though the cold truth of his reality could never be quite eliminated.

Without much thinking of the direction or where he would end up, he wandered along the perimeter of the apartment wearing the blanket like a king’s cape, its ends scraping the floor alongside the friction of his feet walking languidly. As around he walked, he tried to breathe in as many oxygen his lung could hold, to touch every single thing and ornaments he and Chanyeol owned, to feel each of their memories and fill his mind with it instead, and to take in the view of the world… when he still could.

Then his feet suddenly stopped, his movement halted. As his mind started to whir on again, it turned out he had brought himself to stand in front of his and Chanyeol’s reading corner. He could see it, the view almost holographic—sitting on the large beanbags before him were himself and Chanyeol, cuddling as close as they could, arms linked with books in their hands. He swore he could hear their happy laughter, too. And believe it or not… for a moment he could forget his diagnosis.

There was a soft creaking from the wooden bookshelves, but when he turned around to check the source of the sound, nothing moved or changed. And as he turned his vision back to the corner, to somehow watch himself and Chanyeol laughing again, the view vanished, only showing him empty seats and once again he was standing in the middle of silence.

Then he walked closer to the two towering bookshelves, inspecting the books from bottom to top, which in the middle of Chanyeol’s bookshelf he could find the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows book he saw earlier. After he lightly traced the spines of books he and Chanyeol owned, with each touch bringing him thousands of specific memories of them, he took one book on a somehow compelling whim.

It was Emily Brontë’s 1847 novel, _Wuthering Heights_. His fingers went to trace its leather bond and its embossed title on the cover, his mind recalling the memories the book had and wondering what and as he paged through it, his thumb caught on an edge of a paper. It seemed like the book opened itself to reveal a page for him. Then something feathery fell out, twirling thrice in the air as it flied down to the floor.

As he picked it up, he realized that it was a bookmark. It was made of ivory white Arturo carton, with only a doodle of one tall man and one slightly shorter man holding hands. On its back, he found a scribble of the date when Chanyeol bought the book and when they first read it under a handwritten note— _Yeol loves Hyunnie! 8th April, 2012_. It didn’t take much for him to recognize it were all Chanyeol’s doing. He didn’t know it existed and that it was hidden there, but it seemed like Chanyeol slipped it in after he fell asleep after reading and discussing the story.

Then the second thing he noticed was how he could smell it. The stiff carton bookmark had the scent of their fragrances, lemon and mint, that Chanyeol had also insisted to spritz onto it. _Just so some time in the future our scents will procure memories to remember tonight_ , was all the tall man had said with his signature lopsided smirk.

And as always… Chanyeol was right. Baekhyun remembered the novel was one of the rare and hard to find books on his to-read list, but Chanyeol had managed to get his hands on the limited collection version for him. He was so excited they read it on the night Chanyeol brought it to their home. After dinner he had narrated the story for the both of them while they rested their backs on the pillows at their reading corner, with blankets wrapped around their huddled figures and Chanyeol’s arms wrapped around his body—the usual.

Inspecting the opened page, the bookmark apparently was showing him the ninth chapter. There he read again how Catherine Earnshaw—the main protagonist—described how was it really like to love someone:

_This is for the sake of one who comprehends in his person my feelings. I can’t express it, but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is or should be an existence of yours beyond you. What were the use of my creation, if I were entirely contained here? My greatest miseries in this world have been his miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem to be a part of it._

Looking up from reading the paragraph, he remembered the exact night when they discussed it and what were they talking about. How Chanyeol had told him it was one of his favorite parts—how even before he read Ms. Earnshaw’s words somehow he knew all along he had incorporated Baekhyun into himself to the point it was so easy for him to entrust his deepest and most honest thoughts in Baekhyun’s hands—it was almost like he was lost into wherever Baekhyun went, finding a piece of him taken away whenever Baekhyun was away, and in turn, every time he wandered he would always keep Baekhyun in his every thought.

The same went for Baekhyun. In him, there was a vital part of Chanyeol that had grown from the love Chanyeol planted in his heart. As time went on, it had turned into a part of his heartbeat as it arrived in a state—in an unexplainable degree and in a way of intricate delicacy—where he was somehow Chanyeol himself, because he felt all of Chanyeol’s sadness and happiness as if it were his own personal matter too, even considering each of Chanyeol’s feeling a matter of the uttermost importance to protect and to take care of. He would do anything for Chanyeol more than he would for himself.

And vice versa, just like what Chanyeol had told him, there was a major part of him that lived inside Chanyeol. He was sure of this because he planted a part of him too. In ten years they’ve been together… Chanyeol was the only one for him. The only person he could confide anything, some were secrets not even his family or his best friends of years know. The only person he opened his heart fully to explore the depth of his fragile insecurities. The only person who knew what was going through his mind even when they were separated miles away. The only person who could detect what he truly felt only by listening to his voice or even through a fleeting glance into his eyes.

All of those showed him one thing: even if his time ran out and his due day to leave was revealed, as long as Chanyeol was still alive and well, in the uninterrupted space and time continuum he would continue to exist. Through Chanyeol, he lived.

So there it was, written on that exact page of the book as clear as a daylight, how Chanyeol was one of his strongest reasons to let his courage stand taller than his fear, and to fight.

This was his answer. Whatever would happen to him, wherever this path would lead him, he knew as long as Chanyeol and his family were alright… he’d be okay.

The findings in both Chanyeol’s _Deathly Hallows_ book and the bookmark Chanyeol left in his copy of _Wuthering Heights_ were like two important waymarks. A guide Chanyeol gave him, to let him know out of so many paths which one was the right thing to do.

After placing the book right back to its original spot, Baekhyun rubbed his face hard to clean the tear streaks. He still had a game to win and a masquerade to play… he would never back down, he would save Chanyeol and his family.

It seemed like eons ago when all Baekhyun had to think about were how to prank Chanyeol and make him laugh so hard, how to get around Junmyeon to let him out of work early, how to annoy his sister, how to get away from stealing his mum’s freshly baked cookies, how to run off with his father’s car keys at midnight just so he could learn autodidactically how to drive… now he was a grown man with a matured mind who was trying to cheat death, to gamble with his life.

But after all, he had long learned that to the well-organized mind, death was not really the end of the trip, but the next great adventure. He needed only himself in the journey to the place where he was heading because he knew, even with its unknown state, death was just like a ghost—it couldn’t hurt him if he couldn’t see it.

Baekhyun’s eyes traveled again, this time his eyes landed on the photo frames hanging on the wall. He could see photos of him, with Chanyeol, his family, his friends, his coworkers… all smiling. He couldn’t bear the fact that he would erase those smiles off their faces. He will never forgive himself if he ever saw Chanyeol and his family got dragged along with him in the dirt, bringing chaos to their lives, holding the pain that only he supposed to take.

He knew it right from the start that if he was about to fall, he wanted to fall just like the soothing rain—pouring to put out the pain and give peace to the burn. His family and Chanyeol, they had done and gave him their very best, and all he could offer was to keep their peace intact even though he had to trade off his own. But after all, peace was wrapped up in the willingness to compromise.

The twists and turns of his mind made Baekhyun’s head hurt so much. He couldn’t believe in the span of eight hours his fate had altered its course in a hundred and eighty degrees, and he probably also had just made life-changing decisions. He realized he had gone from complete mind disaster after hearing about his diagnosis, into a calm state of mind finally acting fast and agile to ensure the best for everyone—to do one last sacrifice, to stand strong still and surrender to the likes of faith, no matter how the winds created crowds and the tides collided to a brawl he had no control of.

He didn’t know such character development could happen in flash, as he only found them in the old books he read. He didn’t know where exactly this act of bravery had come from, but he was sure of one thing: under the complicated and thick layers of trepidation of what his illness was going to bring and his heavy concerns towards his family, in the deepest spot of his heart lay the thought of Chanyeol that had been his source of strength and sole reason to carry on.

And that night, after Chanyeol went home from his studio, during their dinner date, Baekhyun wondered if he should’ve considered being an actor for a career, because his placid façade succeeded to conceal the tumult of his mind. Without flaw, he showed no trace or telltale signs of whatever happened that day.

There was no time for his own emotion in this scenario.

***

**April 29th, 2017  
**  
Seoul, South Korea  
09.27 PM

**D – 14**

Baekhyun sat himself down on his hospital bed.

Located at Jongno-gu, actually the Seoul National University Cancer Hospital wasn’t far from his and Chanyeol’s apartment at Dongdaemun-gu, but his worsening condition and the leftover after effect of this morning’s chemotherapy session made driving alone a much harder task, with his head feeling like it was disconnected from his body.

It seemed like someone already changed the linen sheets of the bed and the pillows from the ones he saw this morning, judging from the way the fresh aroma of a flowery detergent were filling his nose, as if they knew he would be coming again. This time he was alone, no nurses or doctors, and when there were no other pairs of eyes and ears to disturb his thoughts, he loved to switch off all of his senses and in turn he would focus only on one sense to just absorb his surrounding.

In front of him, there were two rows of bland looking clear windows, showing him the skyscrapers of Seoul at night. The bland, pitch black sky standing alone and empty from its usual lustrous friends with the stars and the moon playing hide and seek with him behind the onyx silk curtains of the sky, red signal lights blinking at the top of towers, white fluorescent lights from buildings where he could see busy people working here and there, and the colorful lights from the cars below—all welcoming him back. 

The tosca green walls around him looked as if they grew eyes that were always staring intently at him, like the times when he could only lie on the bed while receiving his chemo doses. He could hear the muted sounds of nurses on their night shift talking, guards passing to check the perimeter and soft whirring sounds of the plastic wheels carrying the IV poles of the patients walking past that were slipping through the slit of his room's door. These were all his friends, in his solitary confinement.

He was grateful the nurses allowed him to stay at his usual chemotherapy room, where he had stocked a few of pairs of clothing and personal stuff on the wardrobe intended for patients. Well, he visited the place for too many times the nurses and the doctors at the Center of Hematological Oncology loved to dote on him, and not to mention how they seemed to be smitten by everything he did and said.

But still, Baekhyun wasn’t really fond of hospitals because it reeked of the smell of antiseptics and he just finished his weekly chemo session this morning, but he couldn’t come back home to his and Chanyeol’s apartment because he just had his very first big fight with Chanyeol. He felt too guilty for actually forgetting their plan to see the florist that will arrange the flowers and buckets for their wedding. Technically it wasn’t entirely his fault since he was too occupied with his appointment with the team of oncologists Doctor Jongdae arranged for him regarding his leukemia state. But nevertheless… He was extremely pained—both mentally and physically, even worse when Doctor Jongdae said the leukemia cells in him were starting to be unsusceptible to his usual chemo doses—when he saw the look of hurt Chanyeol shot him, knowing he was the one who struck the dagger into Chanyeol’s heart, twisting and stabbing it over and over again.

If he were to be asked what he truly felt down there in his heart, it was to be how he missed Chanyeol.

But, just how much he missed Chanyeol? Let him ask himself. 

He missed the way whenever he saw inside Chanyeol’s dark cinnamon eyes, he could always find the color of the leather binds of books that only told him about loyalty and long lasting love in its pages; the sincere words written on it were the ones Chanyeol spoke truly and the happily ever after tales were the only story Chanyeol promised and gave life to. 

He missed the way Chanyeol’s cool, refreshing mint aroma always followed wherever he went—both from the fact that he loved wearing Chanyeol’s clothing and how the tall man loved to hug him so close for hours it made his scent adhering to him—bringing a sense of comfort and ease of mind that soothed his feelings, aware in his presence to have the one he really loved with him.

He missed them lying side by side on their bed—with Chanyeol’s tight hug that made up of their arms and legs intertwined in such weird but comfortable nevertheless form that would take hours to disentangle from; with Chanyeol’s warm breath rolling along with his and gently tickling his neck when the tall man snuggled his head on the crook of the dip of his shoulder blade; with the way the rise and fall of Chanyeol’s chest were always rhyming along his heartbeat like an eternal song that lullabied them to sleep; with the way Chanyeol loved to stick his protruding ears on his bare chest just to hear his heartbeats; with the way Chanyeol’s eyes were never fully closed when he slept, and only after he lovingly brushed the eyelids close did the eyes close; with the way Chanyeol’s slightly parted mouth would somehow respond whenever he gave him a gentle peck, kissing back and finally sealing itself close after he broke the kiss. 

He missed the way he could hide inside Chanyeol’s embrace where the darkness was no longer a blinding confinement but something so comforting, with the night seemed warmer, and the stars in Chanyeol’s eyes seemed brighter.

He missed the way Chanyeol’s hand always find its way to hold his every time they went out to walk, either by having his hand intertwined with his or at times when it would rest on the dip of his back to gently led their way to wherever they wanted to go.

He missed the firm and gentle gestures Chanyeol treated him with when he confidently led them dance whatever kind of dance they felt like doing, be it ballroom dance to classical music playing on the gramophone or just them flailing their arms around or doing exaggerated air head banging and being their silly selves while following the upbeat songs from their shared earphones.

He missed the way Chanyeol loved to steal kisses from him, once the tall man got a kiss he wouldn’t stop kissing him until they were panting and lying on their couch with their clothes half discarded, or they could just kiss sweet and slow and taking time to caress each other’s body, feeling the captivating realness of their presence and theirs only.

He missed the way Chanyeol loved to cook them whatever the tall man has in mind for their meal, letting him to help stirring the ladle, chopping down the ingredients and having the first taste of the food, going as far as baking his favorite strawberry cheesecake with extra fresh strawberries added with melted chocolate to dip it in right away when he was just saying he wanted the cake in a passing, or even fixing a quick snack for them at wee hours of the day when Chanyeol heard his stomach rumbling at two in the morning. 

He missed the days when he would always be more than welcomed to Chanyeol’s studio, with the tall man playing him songs, asking him for his opinions and advices on his halfway done compositions, or just him teasing Chanyeol to distract him from working, letting his voice out to singing along to the tall man’s amazing plays.

He missed the way Chanyeol makes him laugh every time with his never-ending jokes and cheesy lines, that more than not ended up with them bickering and starting tickle or pillow fights until they were exhausted and lying on top of each other on their bed.

He missed the way no matter how bad their fight or how far they bicker they would always find a way to make up again, with them settling things down by telling each other of what they really felt and trusting each other to know what was inside their mind—figuring out there was always room for common ground in the middle.

He missed the way Chanyeol was always _there_ for him, with him only needing to give a glance behind his shoulder just to find Chanyeol smiling at him…

So there they were, the answer: Baekhyun just missed Chanyeol so, so much.

Baekhyun sighed, massaging his temples. How long did he have to do all of these to Chanyeol? Put on fake, mean and indifference acts like he was healthy, fine and okay? And the worst, spouting out lies? Even though it was to protect Chanyeol… he hated to see how it hurt Chanyeol so much.

At exactly what point did protecting someone from the truth begin to backfire, and caused them pain? Baekhyun was in a bind, torn between whether to let his illness known or hide them, fully well knowing either way came with a downside. It was down to two paths that led to hell all the same—he would still have to choose which way to hurt Chanyeol and his family, when all he really wanted was to spare them any pain.

If he continued to keep it from Chanyeol, he would have to continue to lie about certain things, and Chanyeol would continue to think that it meant he didn’t love him completely. But if he told Chanyeol the truth, even though it would convince Chanyeol further of his love, it would also meant letting Chanyeol in on his impending death. Either way, he was taking away happiness from Chanyeol—but was one sort of happiness was worth preserving at the expanse of another?

Trying to ignore both his mental struggle and physical headache, he decided to just get some rest. So he stripped himself from his coat and tucked himself in his hospital bed, even though the blanket could never be as comfortable as the best blanket he has—Chanyeol’s arms. Nonetheless, he should survive with whatever he had in his hands now, alone.

But just for a few seconds after he lied down, when his eyelids were starting to flutter close, his phone rang. Seohyun’s name was shown on his phone screen, so he quickly picked it up.

“ _Baekhyun._ ”

“Yes, nuna?” It was a bit unnatural for his sister to call him just _Baekhyun_ , and the absence of her cheery voice let him know she was going to say something serious. So, only to her sister’s voice did he direct his mind to.

Without further talks Seohyun replied, “ _How about you move here to California? You know there’s a better place to treat your illness—_ ”

Not this talk again. Baekhyun reached for his head that started to throb, the hospital bed creaked slightly under him as he shifted his body to a better sitting position with his back against the pillows. This particular topic really bothered him, filling up nonexistent spaces in his already congested mind. “Nuna, please—”

“ _No, Baekhyun, this time you will listen to me. Have you checked yourself to the doctors? What did they say? I know the result should be out by now, right?_ ” Seohyun said, mentally checking off the list as she spoke. She knew Baekhyun underwent another session of Bone Marrow Punch procedure to check his blast cell level last week.

To Seohyun, Baekhyun was her number one priority and her job since all those years ago when her brother graced the world with his existence was to keep him safe. So, in between her studies to achieve oral biology masters degree, she monitored the progress of Baekhyun’s therapies, in the same time also consulting to the professors at her campus.

“Uh, nuna, about that…” Baekhyun’s voice trailed, and even though his sister couldn’t see it, he altered his eyes to look down on his pale hands as if to avoid his sister’s eyes and fidgeted around out of habit.

Doctor Jongdae scheduled a report review of his Bone Marrow Punch result this morning, actually. The results weren’t in his favor: _the cancer cells were growing steadfastly instead of slowing down and the blast cells percentage is in an alarming forty percent_ , the doctor told him. After Baekhyun left the doctor’s room, he overheard him talking on the phone with another specialist at another cancer institute, discussing his case. He heard the abnormal leukocytes were migrating to his vital organs, his diagnosis was in danger to alter into an acute type of leukemia and their hypothesis at the moment was that the spreading cancer cells were caused by the sudden chemotherapy sessions. In conclusion? He was getting worse, inching closer to death. He even saw Doctor Jongdae under nervous tension for the first time ever, he felt bad for the doctor, it must’ve been hard seeing people dying right before your eyes.

Her brother’s silence hinted something was wrong. Seohyun was half furious but half exasperated; she would fly to Seoul right at that moment if Baekhyun skipped his sessions intentionally. “ _Byun Baekhyun don’t tell me you’re not attending your regular visits to the doctors every week! You know every appointment is crucial! I will ask Chanyeol to take you—_ ”

“No!” Baekhyun cut harshly, raising his voice. He then realized how angry he sounded, so he quickly clarified, “Nuna I’m so sorry—I mean—Chanyeol can’t know about this. Please, we’ve talked about this. I beg you, nuna. I have been attending every single appointment, I swear.” He pleaded, his voice restrained. Chanyeol _couldn’t_ know about this, not now and not ever.

Really, after ten years together with Chanyeol… Baekhyun had grown to simply care about Chanyeol too much. He cared more for Chanyeol’s happiness than Chanyeol knowing the truth. He cared more for Chanyeol’s peace of mind than his own sanity. He cared more for Chanyeol’s life than his. He’d always choose Chanyeol’s life over anything else—even his own life. Just like what was expected from fools who love… he was a stubborn fool for the people he loved, for Chanyeol. But he couldn’t be more fearless and prouder to alone charge down the invisible enemies pointing their swords on him.

Besides, if people were to put it in perspective: when everyone was always loudly jabbering of how they would do anything in the name of love but ran away at the first encounter with trouble, this was him fulfilling his promise that showed how he never lied. He had promised he’d do anything for his loved ones, and here he was, _doing anything_ for the sake of his loved ones even though it meant risking his life.

Seohyun felt herself relaxing a little bit hearing that her brother went to the appointments diligently. But still… “ _Baekhyunnie… Come on. Chanyeol needs to know. So that he will understand, and I’m sure he will always be there to go through everything with you. You have to trust him. Don’t you always say trust is one of the most important part of a relationship?_ ” She coaxed softly, even though she knew a losing battle as soon as she saw it.

Baekhyun knew for sure his sister was right when she said Chanyeol would always be there for him.

He remembered clearly that one time when Chanyeol and him were once again stargazing on the rooftop of their dorm. Chanyeol had brought origami papers with him, teaching him about the Japanese star festival called _Tanabata_. Chanyeol had told him a story that the festival was celebrated annually to commemorate the day when two separated stars deities lovers, _Orihime_ and _Hikoboshi_ could meet again, just for one time every year; and according to legend, the Milky Way separated these lovers, and they were allowed to meet only once a year on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month of the lunisolar calendar.

Chanyeol had then showed him how to write their wishes and fold the colorful papers into stars called _tanzaku_. After they were done creating lots of it, having written the from simplest wish like passing a particularly hard class to the most honest wish for them to stay together forever, Chanyeol had looked at him in the eye with his serious gaze and the flaming fire of the stars above them in his dark cinnamon eyes, telling Baekhyun he would lasso the moon and built a bridge of stars to be able to cross the seas if they were ever separated, for he would always be standing there beside him right when the storm comes through.

But still… Baekhyun didn’t want to let one of his pillars in life to crack or to see the flame of life burning in Chanyeol’s eyes gone out after seeing him weak, in pain, helpless with no way of saving him out of cancer’s tightly clenched claws.

“I know, nuna. But I can’t stand the idea of Chanyeol realizing that I will be _gone_ one day and leaving him forever! I can’t stand the fact that _I am_ the source of his sadness, of his bad days, of his devastation and frustration after my imminent death! I know how bad he will have to cope with the loss of me, nuna, he’s scared of losing people, he said it himself!” Baekhyun ranted, almost screaming into his phone, as he exasperatedly grabbed his hair. And when he looked down at his hands, he saw some dark chocolate hair strands. He was deteriorating, slowly but sure, to extinction.

“ _Baekhyun! Don’t you dare saying that ever again! You’re going to survive and we’re going to be okay, we’ll live our dreams and we’ll grow old together!_ ” Seohyun said fiercely. She swore she was trying her best to not to cry, but her tremulous voice and hot tears betrayed her.

“Seohyun nuna, don’t cry, I will be just fine, I have accepted what was written for me. I love you and will do so, okay. You have to stop crying, I can’t stand hearing you cry.” Baekhyun tried to soothe her sister’s heart. One thing he couldn’t stand was his family crying, and even more if he was the cause of it.

Seohyun could only keep her silence to contain her sobs. This always happened, she promised herself not to let Baekhyun know she had been crying a lot, but one second of hearing his brother’s voice seemed to break her dam of tears.

“And nuna? I love Chanyeol way too much. I’d rather save him and his feelings than mine. He’s my source of good spirits, joy and merriness. I can’t let his fire to be gushed out by the wind that is me and my illness, right?” Baekhyun chuckled. A chuckle seemed to be unfit for times like this, but just like Chanyeol had once said, what was life without some fun and laughter?

In the silence that was watching them with their invisible eyes, Seohyun could trace the piercing irony of the laugh, it stabbed right through her heart. One more chance to change Baekhyun’s mind was all she needed. “ _Baekhyun. Come on. I swear I know you are strong and you are undoubtedly the bravest warrior I’ve ever seen but this is serious. If you can’t tell Chanyeol then you should move here, get your treatment._ ”

Baekhyun knew his sister was just as tough as he was in debate and decision making, it ran through the family blood. “Nuna, I can’t. I have Chanyeol—”

“ _I know, but you really need your treatment, Baekhyun! Even though mum and dad don’t know about this, they’re still worrying so much about you, we don’t want to lose you. You know for sure Chanyeol doesn’t want to lose you. You said you don’t want to make us sad by leaving, but you won’t get the treatment that prevents you from leaving us? You’re being unfair. So, do this for us. Please?_ ” Seohyun said, using her softest tone, the same tone she used years ago to a five years old Baekhyun to swallow his chewed broccoli—how time had flown. She hoped it was enough, she just pulled the last move, her truce card, and turned Baekhyun’s reason as a loophole.

Baekhyun stilled for a few minutes, his mind maneuvered between the choices. He realized he had to set his mind free, he was trusting statistics more than he trusted himself—for the past few months he had completely evaded Minseok’s constant persuasions, his sister’s never-ending nagging and coaxing, and Doctor Jongdae’s daily reminder of his worsening state. He realized there was a flaw in his grand scheme, a chink in the armor. He remembered Minseok’s words, _don’t go to war with yourself_. Truthfully, he had been thinking to accept the treatment offer for months, the feeling had been creeping up on him, teasing him but never actually sinking in. But not until he heard his sister’s words a few minutes ago did his stance start to fall.

Baekhyun felt like he was on a game of the infamous Russian Roulette, with a revolver on his head, one out if its five bullet chambers was filled and he would never know what would happen when he pulled the trigger—his instant death or an empty chamber dragging him back for another round? Maybe… just maybe, there _was_ a chance to turn the table around. Maybe if he agreed to his sister and Doctor Jongdae’s advice to pursue a better treatment plan for his illness, he got to keep Chanyeol—and also his life. The funny and tragic thing was that the value of Chanyeol was equal to his life, literally and figuratively. Look at how fate has them intertwined and inseparable in its hands.

Baekhyun stopped thinking for a moment. In his mind, he was running on a deserted road, chased down by an unseen being. But then, in front of him there were two paths as the road divided itself. He didn’t know which one to choose. Should he just do it? When the veiled being was only a stone’s throw away, he remembered something Chanyeol said.

It was when Chanyeol once took Baekhyun to a boxing gym, to be his training partner and exercise their jabs, hooks, punches and blows. They had fun: him holding Chanyeol’s legs as the latter did his sit-ups, with him stealing kisses every time Chanyeol reached up; him accidentally punching Chanyeol’s jaw when they were practicing with the speedball, resulting in Chanyeol running after his cackling self, making a ruckus that made everyone laugh; Chanyeol faking an act of hurt by writhing and laying down just to get back at him—after the tall man became the receiving end of his quite powerful low punch—to make him worry and let his guard down, just so Chanyeol could hug and wrestle him on the canvas ground, laughing and rolling around inside the ring.

After they had finished their workout and took a shower, they had sat in the locker room. There, Chanyeol had told Baekhyun about one of his favorite sportsman: the late three times world heavyweight boxing champion, Muhammad Ali and how he admired the great boxer with his global humanitarian ways, who was also a philanthropist, human rights, civil and social activist.

Then Chanyeol had told him that next to Mr. Ali’s unbeatable boxing records, he also admired him for his words and in particular he had two quotes of Mr. Ali that he loved dearly. The first one being _float like a butterfly, sting like a bee_ , which Mr. Ali said in 1974 at a pre-match interview before his fight against George Foreman at Zaire, Africa before he won the game and got the world heavyweight champion title. Baekhyun had laughed, saying the quote didn’t fit Chanyeol’s built since he was neither a butterfly nor a bee but a giraffe, which Chanyeol replied with more tickle attacks, once again filling the gym with their laughter.

After their laughter had quieted down, Chanyeol had turned solemn and told Baekhyun about the second one, which was: _he who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life_. The last one made Baekhyun to stop laughing and think over how he had lived his life. Noticing his serious look, Chanyeol had grinned and told him it was one of the tall man’s reasons as to why he was never afraid to take chances. Chanyeol had then gently caressed Baekhyun’s cheeks as he cheekily added if it weren’t for him taking chances to catch the love of his life, he wouldn’t be there with Baekhyun. Baekhyun had laughed, before he tickled Chanyeol back, which resulted in them having another tickling fight, chasing each other around and leaving footprints of their laughter.

As their laughter from that day filled Baekhyun’s ears, louder and clearer, he thought about how he finally found it: the right road to take.

The thing about knowing Chanyeol was that you sort of start thinking anything is possible if you’ve got enough nerve. It reminded him of Chanyeol’s words to never be afraid to take a leap of faith and to take chance—he chuckled as he replayed Chanyeol’s voice in his mind, saying how he would be his trampoline, to help him rise back up and to make it fun for always. So, just like always… he chose to trust Chanyeol.

“ _Baekhyun? Are you still there?_ ” Seohyun finally called, with her voice tinted with worry, after almost ten minutes passed just by her listening intently to her brother's loud breathing. “ _Or maybe I can call you tomorrow and we can talk about this again in the morning when your head is clear—_ ”

“No.” Baekhyun cut her sister off again as he prayed, hoping he was doing the right thing.

He was perplexed with how blurry and fast things were going and changing but he was running out of time, he had no time to think twice. So all the chances he could reach right now, those were all he was going to seize. He decided a change of plan was fit, he wanted to _live_. He could feel the determination building up, like all along he knew the true answer of his sister’s question was there buried under his greater fear of letting Chanyeol and his family know about the truth: he wanted to live, he didn’t want to leave Chanyeol and his family.

All these talks with his sister made him remember the conversation he had with Chanyeol, about his favorite Dumbledore and Sirius’ quote about losing loved ones, and his own promise that he will fight for Chanyeol—it turned out to be a hint for this occasion. That was his cue to just do it. “I will do it. Moving to California. Getting my treatment. I will give it a try.”

“ _Baekhyunnie—oh my god this is a great news! Are you sure? I will make sure everything from your luggage to your flights are arranged carefully—oh that reminds me to alert the doctors, I can guarantee you the best spot in Jonsson!_ ” Seohyun replied hastily, as if she was afraid Baekhyun will change his mind if she didn’t act quickly. “ _We can do this, Baekhyun._ ”

“Yeah nuna. I’m doing this for Chanyeol,” Baekhyun confessed, his voice grew more confident. Better be late than never. It was his time to confront his fate, because there was no greater dishonor than letting Chanyeol and his family down. “And for you too, for mum and dad.”

“ _And for yourself too, Baekhyun. Never forget that. You are important._ ” Seohyun reminded him. Sometimes she felt sad about how Baekhyun always put others first before him, but she also felt proud at how her brother had always live his life standing up to what was right.

“Yeah… nuna.” Baekhyun let his voice trailed, letting his voice fall into silence. They stayed silent for a few minutes, spare for sounds of clicking and someone typing on a keyboard from his sister’s side. It seemed his sister was calling him while she was working on her computer.

“ _Anyway. I have booked your flight as we were talking and your departure date is May sixth, okay? Try to settle things first before that day comes. Alright? I will call Doctor Jongdae to set up everything and personally take care of your advance care directive and health insurance coverage._ ” Seohyun said a few minutes later, her voice cheery. She would save Baekhyun just like the way her brother was doing for her, their family, and Chanyeol.

Baekhyun was right, his sister acted fast and booked everything for him already.

But wait—he almost choked and dropped his phone, did his sister just say _May sixth_? May 6th? His wedding day with Chanyeol that was only a week away? How was he going to be in two places at the same time, how was he going to explain things both to Chanyeol and Seohyun?

He thought he could at least get married to Chanyeol while at the same time still hiding his condition, but it seemed like this time he was forced to choose between having a wedding with Chanyeol or to live longer with Chanyeol… and to him the answer was clear, right at that moment he understood. This was just another sacrifice to keep the plan going, another chunk of charcoal to keep the train going. He needed to let Chanyeol go for now, if he wanted to be together again for a long time after all of this was done. This was where he needed to forgo some parts of him and Chanyeol, it hurt so badly but it needed to be done.

The departure date being exactly the same as their planned wedding day… Baekhyun knew things like this would happen. It was inescapable, and his initial intuition to keep the wedding news from his family was right. For the safety of everyone, it was best to keep the illness from everyone and the wedding from his family. He chuckled, if people knew about the illness that came just right before the wedding, it would make his story more tragically appalling, wasn’t it? But really, he never wanted to host a pity party.

It was quite a thing to think about for Baekhyun, how Chanyeol somehow got them wearing their wedding rings even before the wedding day, when usually people would have engagement rings first. It was like an omen they would never have the chance to be together on their own wedding day. He was infinitely grateful for Chanyeol to let him have his wedding ring with him, since it was almost work as a consolation for his pained heart because he wasn’t able to get married and have a wedding with Chanyeol. He could only hope this decision to ditch their wedding would result in him getting more years to live with Chanyeol…

So for the thousandth time, he tried to reason with himself again. Even if he let Chanyeol and his family know, would it make things better for them? Would it erase the plot twist of his life that came in the form of his illness? Would it be able to? Anyone in the world with a right mind knew the answer for all the questions above was _no_. So he’d rather to keep it as a secret and do it all by himself. That would be a win-win situation, right?

What was he if he wasn’t able to protect them? For the longest time, since the first moment of his life he could remember—even as a four years old kid who was so happy just because his parents bought him strawberry cakes or was so determined to keep his sister safe from every boy in their neighborhood who dared to touch her—he had promised himself that he would do anything for them, he would give his life for them. And this day… it seemed like the universe wanted him to fulfill his promise—giving his life just so his family and Chanyeol could live… _quid pro quo_.

Baekhyun knew exactly how secrets were what made people weak, vulnerable, and prone to attacks. But if keeping secrets was what he could do to protect his loved ones… he would descend to his weakest state and mask it so well no one could tell. He’d lie over and over again if it meant guarding the people he cared the most.

So it was settled—if Chanyeol couldn’t know about his illness, his family couldn’t know about the wedding. This way, his secrets wouldn’t be known to anyone, because he just couldn’t afford a wrong step of miscalculation in this critical stage.

Now that he had done what was needed to be done, all he could do right now is to stay hopeful. The chance of a cure or an antidote might hadn’t shown itself yet, but there was hope for a chance that he could go back again to the days he had good times with family and friends, back to the times filled with happiness and meaning.

“ _Baekhyunnie?_ ” Seohyun tentatively called again, noticing Baekhyun’s another long silence. At this point she was dead worried about her brother, to the point she almost wanted to just scream for anyone to help her brother, but she needed to put up a strong facade because she knew she had to be strong for the both of them.

Seohyun’s voice woke Baekhyun from his deep thoughts. To make sure he was making the right decision, he repeated himself: one way or another, Chanyeol couldn’t know about his illness, his family also couldn’t know about the wedding. He did feel so guilty for leaving Chanyeol alone in their wedding day and not telling his family at all about the wedding, but unavoidable circumstances forced him to ditch the wedding anyway, so technically there would be no wedding at all.

All along he knew he had always he worried about the people he cared the most more than he worried about himself. And that was why by nature he chose to walk alone on this path, since he was left with no choice but to do it for the greater good. But even if he was given another chance to choose among so many other much easier and convenient paths, he’d still choose this same path, for Chanyeol and his family.

Again, his reason to hide everything was that he didn’t want to make people worry about him, he just wanted people to let him handle things with his own hands, to his own extent. If Baekhyun thought back to the time when he was first diagnosed, his reason to hide his illness was based on the sun. Even when the sun went down, it went slowly and silently—some people might not realize the sun setting down but it was there, beautifully coming down from its throne for the calming darkness of night to rise. So this was neither an act of extreme folly nor a derivative of an injudicious decision—this was him giving his all, his most meticulously calculated thoughts, and his _love_ that only went for his family and Chanyeol—the people he’d do just anything for.

“Um, yes, it’s alright,” Baekhyun finally answered. Then, without warning the constant headache in his head started to try nailing him down again, prompting his hand to shot up and hold his head. He really needed to lie down. “Anyway, nuna, it’s late here, I’m a bit sleepy. Talk later, yeah?”

“ _Oh, oh right! Sometimes I forget we’re in different time zones. Sleep and rest well, alright? Let me take care of you. I—we will see you soon. Everything will be fine, Baekhyun._ ” Seohyun said, ending the conversation with a positive attitude to lift their spirits up. It was all she could do.

Baekhyun didn’t know what to reply or whether things were really going to be fine later, but he still managed to reply with a generic greeting just to lessen his sister’s worry. “Night—or morning to you, Seohyun nuna.”

After his sister broke the line, he hung up, planning to turn his phone off and place it on the bedside table next to the chemotherapy machine he usually use. But suddenly the metal chain of his Elmo plushie keyring, which Chanyeol had won for him from the claw machine at the roller skating rink on the day before he got proposed, got stuck on his wedding ring finger—somehow the thin metal chain got tangled with the ring Chanyeol had given for him.

Putting aside his phone on his lap for a while, he inspected the ring again. Of course the engravings were still there, as clear as ever: the words _to love_. inscribed in Chanyeol’s bold, clean handwriting and the sound wave…

Taking his phone again to open the app, he quickly scanned the wave and there it was again—ringing louder than any other sound and along his quickened heartbeat at hearing the tall man again—Chanyeol’s husky deep voice saying _I love you, Baekhyun_ as a tear flowed its way to fill the brink of his eyes when somehow he could also hear Chanyeol’s lopsided smirk. The ring, which bore a promise, a bright prospect of the future… a bridge Chanyeol built for them.

He remembered the new year’s eve, on the last night of 2016, when for once he let his fear of his diagnosis show in front of Chanyeol. He had almost uncovered his secret, he had almost let out how scared he was of the future with his illness looming scarily over him. He had cried, but it was enough, one last cry before he had to put on his mask again. Knowing his time was ticking even faster, the spark of cruel fate catching fire on gasoline trails of the last remaining days of his life, he had tried to speak everything he wanted to say just so Chanyeol knew the truth about how he really felt. Just so he wouldn’t leave it unsaid, in case he wasn’t given the chance to say it again while he was alive and breathing.

Even though he knew by diverting the truth, building high walls of deceiving illusions, and creating distance to keep Chanyeol far away from what really happened to him, it seemed like he was burning down the bridge that would lead them to their happiness… he hoped even among the remains and the suffocating ashes, the flaring flame would still left warmth and illumination to show Chanyeol the way out from the darkness when his time to go came around.

God knew how he acknowledged fully that it was never his responsibility to carry all of this alone, but it was his choice. Whatever lay in the end of this path he took worth more than the pain he felt and the wound—Chanyeol’s and his family’s happiness. So he would try to solve it all alone, whatever it would take him.

In a simpler way, if they were fictional characters in an alternate story, it was just like those protagonists who ran to the front of the speeding car to save their loved ones from crashing. To take place as the one who suffered. He might not be able to completely obliterate the pain, but he did it all just to lessen the pain for Chanyeol, for his family, if someday he had to leave as death took him away.

But the good news was that he was finally letting this newly discovered resolution, to fight back his illness and fight back for his happiness with Chanyeol, to lead: changing the course of the game just in an overnight. The imperishable spot Chanyeol owned in his heart was really the uncontrollable variable, the syntax error in his equation, the antithesis preposition of the synthesis—love against logic.

After all, he had a leap of faith when he had accepted Chanyeol’s proposal to get married, then when he had accepted Chanyeol’s appeal to have a wedding, so this time why not having another leap of faith in himself to get better treatment? He got nothing to lose anyway, and it was better to be late than never, better to aboard the ship before it sailed. He would try to change the irreversible route of his fate, and a slight change of the plan won’t hurt, right?

But then it was like all along he knew, after meeting Park Chanyeol—after his eyes landed on the tall, lanky figure scribbling cutely with his tongue jutted out, protruding ears folded under the snapback he wore that covered his striking red hair, stealing glances at him under the tall and bushy Camphor tree all those years ago—his life would change forever.

Although his body was broken, his heart was untamed still. Somewhere up above Baekhyun’s heart, a tiny little seed of hope was sown, a government of his stubborn regime was overthrown.

As he let his body to drop back onto the hospital bed’s pillows, Baekhyun closed his eyes. There, he could see it floating in the darkness, as always: Chanyeol’s bright face with his dimpled grin. And as he stared into the depth of Chanyeol’s starry eyes, for a moment he could forget all about what hurts…

Baekhyun didn’t want to die on his own, but there he was: under his own separate sky, back to desolation where the sky was too dark and fogged, where the stars and the moon were no longer painted on the same canvas. He felt he was too far from where Chanyeol are, and he just wanted to come back home.

But who knew when he would be coming home at last?

***

**May 13th, 2017  
**  
Los Angeles, California, US  
05.11 PM

**D – 0**

Minseok looked at his watch. It was at a little over five in the afternoon. He felt so tired; the flight from Seoul to Los Angeles took him nineteen hours. Despite the long flight, he couldn’t sleep even for a minute. Baekhyun’s email for him after being missing for a full week was stirring up the cauldron of his mind with worry, pasted on the back of his eyelids so prominent every time he tried to close his eyes, the electronic message was all he could see.

_Hello, Minseok hyung._

_I’m so sorry for sending such a short message but I need your help. Please don’t tell Chanyeol about this but I am at California right now. I’m also so sorry for not telling you anything or explain further, but could you please come here? I’ve attached my place and every other detail you need in this email. I will see you soon, hyung._

_Baekhyun._

Minseok had been in the middle of a very important meeting, leading a major merger discussion with a big company client when he had received the email, but the second he finished reading it he immediately excused himself from the room after explaining things briefly to his associates. He then commanded his secretary to book the earliest and fastest flight with the least amount of transit she could find to Los Angeles; he couldn’t care less about the price when Baekhyun was calling for him.

So there he was, standing alone at the lobby of University of California, Los Angeles’ Ronald Reagan Medical Center, at the Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Center complex after a half of an hour taxi drive from LAX. He didn’t care about the taxi’s fare; he just told the driver to get him to 757 Westwood Plaza as fast as possible.

Minseok noticed the many foreigners’ faces, feeling out of place as the stream of students, medical staffs and patients alike passed him. He then proceeded to the nearest nurse station. With perfect English he asked, “Hello, is there a patient here named Byun Baekhyun?”

The nurse in front of Minseok looked up and answered, “Hello, good afternoon, sir. Mister… Byoon Beakyawn? Can you spell the name to me, sir?”

Minseok almost laughed at her pronunciation of Baekhyun’s name, but then he remembered that he was in a hurry for Baekhyun who was waiting for him. “Um yeah sure. His surname is B-y-u-n, and his name is B-a-e-k-h-y-u-n.”

The nurse carefully typed Baekhyun’s name on the computer before she replied, “Oh yes sir, we have Mr. Byoon on the sixth floor of Hematologic and Stem Cell Transplant Unit. That’s Level Six of Singleton Pavilion, room number 614 at the north wing. You can take the east elevator and after that take a left turn.”

“Thank you, miss.” Minseok replied politely. He walked to the east elevators, and the lift hoisted him up to the sixth floor. He found his way easily, the signs leading him to the right place.

Minseok knocked the door to Baekhyun’s intensive care unit room twice before the soft voice of Baekhyun that he missed so much can be heard, telling him to come in. In one successful movement, he opened the door to reveal the man that had been the source of everyone’s confusion back in Seoul.

“Minseok hyung.” Baekhyun greeted Minseok, with a smile as bright as ever. He carefully straightened himself into a half sitting position, only moving slowly since every stretch felt a bit painful on his sore body.

Minseok had seen people with illness whose lights got duller—but not Baekhyun’s, he was the same enterprising person he knew. The only difference was the fact that Baekhyun was lying on his hospital bed, using a cannula on his nose over an oxygen hood that he removed once Minseok walked in, tubes and catheters swirling here and there, silent drip drop sounds of his intravenous food supply, and machines beeping signaling his heartbeat.

Circling the foot of Baekhyun’s hospital bed were two people; Seohyun and a tall man with spectacles that Minseok didn’t recognize. The retractable desk usually used by patients to eat was propped in front of Baekhyun and there were papers placed on top of it.

Minseok was going to greet back and ask what was happening, but Baekhyun was faster than him.

“Your time is just right, hyung,” Baekhyun waved, gesturing Minseok to come closer. Strangely, he felt almost relieved to have Minseok, his senior that he regarded as his brother, present with him and to know that they finally reached the last part of his plan, which he had created to deal with what seemed to be the ending of his life’s chapter… almost. “Mr. Cuarón, we’re ready.”

The man Baekhyun addressed, who was standing next to Seohyun and turned out to be named Mr. Cuarón, nodded. “Okay, so Mr. Kim, I’m Alfonso Cuarón and I’m the appointed attorney for Mr. Byun,” he gestured towards Minseok and Seohyun, beckoning them to circle closer at Baekhyun’s hospital bed. “You and Ms. Byun here will be the two witness of Mr. Byun’s last will attestation. Are you two ready?”

In a span of one minute there were so much happening as Minseok stood motionlessly at the door of Baekhyun’s hospital room. There he had Baekhyun smiling behind Mr. Cuarón as if the attorney was just explaining how a toy works and the fact that the first thing he was about to do in the US was to be a witness of Baekhyun’s last will execution.

Seohyun went to Minseok’s side and placed her hands on his arms, guiding him closer. “It’s okay, Minseok. It’s going to be fine,” she whispered, calming him down. She knew where Minseok was coming from, she too was scared and afraid, but for Baekhyun she—they—needed to try to be strong. Then she turned at the attorney and added, “We’re ready.”

Mr. Cuarón nodded as he pulled out three blue pens from the breast pocket of his suit. "Mr. Byun, you can start."

Minseok could only watch with a heavy heart as Baekhyun read his last will and testament, gave his initials on the paper, signed and dated the document, all with the same small smile on his face.

“Mr. Kim and Ms. Byun, now please read the attestation in the bottom of the last will and testament. And then you can sign and print your names right here.” Mr. Cuarón instructed, indicating with his index finger the blank space right below Baekhyun’s signature and name.

Minseok and Seohyun did it all exactly just like what Mr. Cuarón told them. Minseok noticed his own voice wavered at the first word when he read the attestation, and his right hand felt like lead while signing the paper. But he also realized how Seohyun’s voice was calm and composed. She was just as brave and strong as her brother.

“We’re halfway done,” Mr. Cuarón said, removing the paper of Baekhyun’s will aside as he pulled out another paper. “Mr. Kim and Ms. Byun, now please read the Affidavit of Attesting Witnesses, and after that you can sign and write the print of your names.”

Again, Minseok and Seohyun obeyed and did what Mr. Cuarón told them. Minseok glanced a second to Baekhyun in front of him, expecting to see the small smile had turned into a glum or even a solemn expression, but all he saw was Baekhyun smiling the same and giving him two thumbs up.

“Mr. Kim and Ms. Byun, this is the last one. Now please write the print of your names in the jurat at the bottom of the page.” The attorney instructed, as he started to collect the papers and pens.

Minseok and Seohyun both placed their signatures under the _Signed and sworn before me,_ clause in the jurat and they were done.

Mr. Cuarón compiled and stacked the papers carefully before placing it inside his attaché case. “Mr. Byun, I will notarize the documents as soon as I get back to my office, it’ll be binding in law as of today and just like what I explained to you it will become effective once you’re not around to attest to your intentions anymore. Now it’s the time for me to leave,” he said, wearing his bowler. “I wish you well.”

Baekhyun bowed slightly, smiling at the leaving attorney. “Thank you, Mr. Cuarón.”

As the attorney started to exit Baekhyun’s room, Seohyun came closer to where Minseok stood. “Minseok, I have some business to take care of with Mr. Cuarón and the doctors, so please keep an eye on Baekhyun. Is it okay if I leave you two alone?”

“Yeah, nuna,” Minseok replied right away, nodding as he gave her a small smile. “No problem.”

After Mr. Cuarón and Seohyun left and she closed the door behind her, Minseok was finally alone with Baekhyun.

As he watched Minseok walking towards him after exchanging some whispers with his sister, Baekhyun noticed one thing. There it was again, the soft and heart rendering tunes of the popular Christian hymn from 1779, _Amazing Grace_ that another leukemia patient next to his unit played over and over again almost every evening, for some reason he was still yet to find out. He recognized the voice, though—it was Aretha Franklin’s rendition of it—this version was his and Chanyeol’s second favorite after Elvis Presley and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra’s take of the song. He knew it was played using a gramophone, because he could faintly make out the scraping sound of the stylus on the vinyl record and the crackling of the speaker airing the music, having hearing it almost every day from Chanyeol’s gramophone.

_When we’ve been there ten thousand years_  
Bright shining as the sun  
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise  
Then when we’ve first begun 

“Baekhyun. I can’t believe you didn’t bother to tell me that you’re leaving to California.” Minseok started, his voice a mix of concern and the need to scold Baekhyun. His story was almost the same as Chanyeol’s—the sudden loss of contact one day right before the wedding day, and he too wasn’t informed about the departure to the United States. But really, he just missed Baekhyun too much.

Baekhyun smiled weakly, the last radiotherapy session really got his head turning. “I’m so sorry, hyung. I needed some time alone. I changed my mind, remember me saying I want to let time decide for me?” He chuckled. “Apparently… I love Chanyeol too much, I love my family too much, and they’re my life. So it’s like saving my life twice, get it?”

When he left South Korea, Baekhyun had traded Seoul’s noisy nights to California’s louder ones, with its symphony of police sirens and effulgent city lights. It was ironic, he had always wanted to travel to the US with Chanyeol, but he never expected he would come alone on a journey to fight for his life, to try seizing a chance to get more time to spend with Chanyeol.

With him he only brought a few books, a few pairs of clothing and one thing that he always wore over his boring green hospital gown every day: Chanyeol’s grey Supreme hoodie that was too big on him. For some unknown reason, even though the whole perimeter of the hospital was always sprayed with weirdly smelling sanitary aerosol, that particular hoodie stayed the same—Chanyeol’s natural odor and minty perfume lingered, persistent. And no amount of washing or using it could get rid of it, something that Baekhyun was greatly grateful for.

Baekhyun wasn’t exactly sure why, but these days his dreams were always just glimpses or flashes of the old days, mostly his memories with Chanyeol. He would always wake up calling Chanyeol’s name, or he would find his hands in a way as if it was holding someone’s hands. He missed Chanyeol so much—he missed sleeping with Chanyeol and one of the many ways he and Chanyeol complement each other; the way they aided each other to sleep with Chanyeol’s arms and body warmth wrapping him and in turn he would gently caressed Chanyeol’s cheeks and back.

To Baekhyun, it felt like time sped faster, his time was running out—it was like the hourglass decided to drop the sand quicker than ever. As soon as he had landed at LAX, Seohyun had checked him in at Jonsson. The hematologic oncology team that had consulted with Doctor Jongdae at first suggested a rescue transplant—the chosen treatment as he was already at an emergency stage—namely autologous bone marrow transplant. But he declined it, as for that procedure he needed to receive high-dose chemotherapy and radiation treatments that have graver risks from shutting down his immune system completely. So he chose the second option, which was allogeneic bone marrow transplant with lower doses of chemotherapy and radiation, where he would receive stem cells from another person. Due to Seohyun’s fast moves and her connection through dentistry-medical schools and national bone marrow registries, she found a strong, 10/10 match for him. There still might be a hope.

_The lord has promised good to me_  
His word my hope secures  
He will my shield and portion be  
As long as life endures 

“Baekhyun…” Minseok sighed weakly as he gripped hard the railing of Baekhyun’s hospital bed. He didn’t have anything else to respond to Baekhyun’s words. Only Byun Baekhyun who could have a spirit so constantly high from the start even to the time when he knew how the seconds were already ticking down for him—too sublime compared to those ungrateful people who wasted their life doing nothing in their plentiful time.

Baekhyun’s chuckle turned into a hearty laugh. “I just think I want to decide what will happen to me myself. I decided I want to try to get better, even if it’s going to be my last effort. And now I need you to help me, hyung. Consider this as my last request for favor.”

Minseok walked closer to Baekhyun’s hospital bed to hold Baekhyun’s clasped hands. He shook his head, disagreeing with the way Baekhyun worded his call for help. “Baekhyun. Stop saying such nonsense. I will see you running around, laughing out loud and jumping at people’s backs with Chanyeol at Seoul in no time. You will go home soon.”

Baekhyun smiled, clasping Minseok’s hands. He tried as much as he could to never let himself fazed by the mention of Chanyeol’s name in front of everyone, even though he definitely failed on that particular subject.

A glance to his side revealed to him a white ceramic dessert plate with a half-eaten slice of strawberry cheesecake placed on top of the bedside table. Baekhyun wasn’t allowed to eat much food during his treatments, and the doctors were even more cautious about what kind of food he ate after his bone marrow transplant, but somehow when this morning he requested for just a slice of strawberry cheesecake, the doctors allowed him. The cake was okay, he guessed, yet it didn’t taste the same as the one Chanyeol baked for him. But he should’ve had known… it just wasn’t Chanyeol.

To be oceans and continents apart, day after day, all Baekhyun could think about was Chanyeol. 

He tried it all—he scanned the engravings to hear Chanyeol’s voice saying _I love you, Baekhyun_ repeatedly, brushed his flaming star tattoo to feel as if Chanyeol was there holding his hands, and even dared himself to look at their smiling photos he saved on his new phone—that he had bought upon his arrival at LAX just so no one could contact him or for him to be tempted to just call Chanyeol, which was clearly useless for the last reason since he memorized Chanyeol’s number better than his own—but it all didn’t stop the constricting pain in his heart nor the silent stream of tears on his cheeks from missing Chanyeol so much. 

He could no longer ignore the way his mind even searched for Chanyeol too in his dreams, and of course failing miserably, only finding unreachable mist of Chanyeol that he couldn’t touch or grasp with his desperately outstretched hand, and flashes of their old days of laughing freely in each other’s arms, or the way his eyes gave him trickeries of sight by displaying him flitting visions of Chanyeol standing guard in the corner of the hospital room or sitting close beside his hospital bed, watching over him every time he blinked. 

In short? He was slowly going insane at Chanyeol’s absence next to him. Being human just like any other, there were times when he wondered how he managed to maintain his courage throughout the rocky path he chose or whether he could survive from the conviction death assigned for him, but then he realized he picked this lonely scenario solely with the thought that if in the end he could spend more time with Chanyeol… he would always take the chance.

And to help him fight the pain in his body, his favorite thing to do was to only think about the happy days he has with Chanyeol and his family—that he was so grateful he had experienced lots of it—because he knew how people were able to live the rest of their lives with the memories of it. He didn’t know if he would stay alive for long, but for this time his memories was all that he got to hold on to his life—to Chanyeol.

So, to say that he didn’t miss Chanyeol was a fat lie, but he chose to hide everything he felt. He didn’t want people feeling sorry for things they couldn’t help. Then after a while he finally answered, “Hyung, I appreciate your attempts to cheer me up, but I know it’s just about time for me to go. It seems like I’m a little bit too late seeking the remedy.”

“But Baekhyun—” Minseok tried to argue for the millionth time. Who knew, maybe Baekhyun would relent one day.

“Hyung, please. Just listen to me now, okay?” Baekhyun said before he coughed heavily and put a handkerchief over his mouth. He saw how Minseok was about to touch his face, to check on him but he stopped the older man by raising one hand up. “Don’t go too near to me, hyung. I don’t want you to catch my cold.”

Minseok wasn’t one to be ordered what to do, but he saw the pleading look and tears from the coughing in Baekhyun’s eyes, he couldn’t resist. He retreated back his hand and stationed himself to sit on the chair next to Baekhyun’s bed.

Truthfully Baekhyun was longing for Minseok’s touch, anything that felt familiar and brought him the sense of home, but he couldn’t let the person he regarded as his own older brother touch his rough, thinned cheeks. Besides, the doctors told him that he couldn’t make contact with people much since he was so vulnerable to opportunistic infections, his immune system was weakened from the treatments as it killed his old and infected bone marrow and the new transplant cells were still growing to give him proper immune defense.

Baekhyun paused for quite a time to sort his breath and lick his lips. The shortness of breath and xerostomia—a condition of dry mouth caused by the lessened saliva production—were two out of the many side effects caused by the transplant procedures that were preventing him from speaking well. “Minseok hyung. I’m telling you that I want to divide my ashes into two, and give half of me to Chanyeol. This might sound… Silly, but I want to be right by his side forever; he is my home, where I wanted to go.”

At the news Baekhyun just delivered, Minseok’s eyes widened. It was common to have their bodies cremated, but he didn’t expect Baekhyun to chose that method when you could still be buried, as a whole. This cremation business also wasn’t a part of their original plan. Or was he hearing things? “Baekhyun? You’re planning to get yourself cremated? But how about your family—”

“Hyung, don’t worry. I have talked with my parents and my sister… They get to keep the other half of me and most importantly they agreed, they understood. Anyway I don’t want to be kept underground inside a coffin. It’s dark," Baekhyun shuddered, his fear of engulfing darkness and claustrophobia really affected him. “And now I’m reminding you again that I have written a letter for Chanyeol. Please guide him for me, yeah?” He finished, as he pulled out a fairly thick envelope from the breast pocket in his hospital gown.

Minseok sighed, this was another time of him unable to argue against Baekhyun. “Okay, I will do it,” he took the envelope from Baekhyun’s hands. He noticed that Baekhyun’s hands had developed tremors and was trembling, his bones visible. He couldn’t believe how thin Baekhyun was, and he could see his ribcages and the port-a-cath central line that went under the skin near his collarbone protruding underneath his hospital gown. “One question, why letters? Why not videos?”

“Hyung, those are two questions you’ve asked, but I’ll allow it,” Baekhyun replied, before winking at him. Minseok almost rolled his eyes at him. “But really. I just don’t want Chanyeol to see my miserable face, sunken cheeks, and hollow eyes. I want Chanyeol to remember me in my best condition. Also, letters are more romantic, you know.” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows and chuckling.

“Baekhyun… I understand that,” Minseok said, voice turned into a desperate tone, as he ran his hands through his jet-black hair in exasperation. “But why can’t you tell Chanyeol, it will be… I don’t know, better for the both of you?” He finished lamely.

“I have answered this countless of times, hyung. But let me tell you again, I know by keeping this mess it makes me look I’m being selfish and you probably will never get it, but really, I just want to protect Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said, fondness shone from his voice and eyes when the word _Chanyeol_ rolled out of his mouth. “I have vowed to myself I will never let him down. Ever.” He continued, the tone of his voice turned serious, his gaze at Minseok unwavering, as if he was challenging him to object.

Minseok broke the gaze, unable to hold Baekhyun’s sharp gaze. At first he had wanted to somehow ask life to have him instead of Baekhyun, but then he felt ashamed at how let alone taking Baekhyun’s place, he couldn’t even imagine himself being as brave and strong-willed as Baekhyun.

Then Baekhyun let his eyes fell to his own hands as his index finger and thumb circled the wedding ring Chanyeol gave, rolling it gently before moving downward to smother the fire and stars tattoos on his wrist… feeling his heart calmed down by the thought of Chanyeol that came into his mind as soon as his fingers touched his tattoos.

For a long time Minseok couldn’t bring himself to understand Baekhyun’s reason. Who on earth wanted to get through troubled waters alone? But then he remembered the numerous times he saw the tender loving gaze Baekhyun’s eyes always showed whenever he was talking about Chanyeol and his family, especially the admirable quality of how adamant he was on protecting his loved ones. And then it dawned upon him at last. “I get it,” the older one said, smiling softly at himself. “And thank you.”

Baekhyun looked up from his wrist to stare curiously at Minseok. “Thank you for what, hyung?”

Minseok chuckled, he swore Baekhyun looked like an innocent five years old kid in ninety five percent of the time they had spent together. Baekhyun was really oblivious to his own good deeds, such a pure hearted man. “For showing me one of the truest form of love. Sacrifice.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun’s mouth opened a little bit to form a circular shape as if someone just told him a recent discovery he never knew about. He actually had thought about that, but he couldn’t find the right words for it until Minseok mentioned that. Then he smiled. “You’re welcome, hyung. Anytime.”

Even after seeing the manifestation of it with his own eyes Minseok still really couldn’t believe it, Baekhyun was truly innocent despite all of the grand scheme he had contrived and planned carefully to hide his illness, to protect everyone around him.

Then, a sudden intrusion of a loud beeping sound coming from the chemo IV pump machine beside Baekhyun halted their conversation for a while. Both looked at the source of the sound before looking at each other again. It was Baekhyun who finally broke the silence. “Sorry, that was my chemo session reminder, even after a lot of times I complained for them to lower down the volume, they won’t do it. Bad Korean accented English problem maybe?” He laughed. “And it seems like my time is up, hyung.”

“I will take my leave then, I’ll be staying in a nearby hotel. Call me anytime.” Minseok said after a minute of them exchanging stares again—Baekhyun’s soft but resolute look with his pleading one. He wondered if there was something in the way Baekhyun said _his_ time was up and not _their_ time, but he hoped Baekhyun was just having a slip of his tongue and this thought he had was just another one brooded over from his overwhelming fear of losing Baekhyun. All the same he patted Baekhyun’s shoulder and inspected his face again.

Minseok saw how much cancer and chemotherapy had caused Baekhyun, his appearance almost skeletal with only skin and bones, yellowish and dark purple bruises everywhere mapping on his pale skin, under the knitted beanie he was wearing his hair was thinning with some bald spots here and there, his breathing was slow and heavy that sometimes got interrupted by his coughs, his body became too bony and too frail, his face expression was strained like he was holding internal pain all the time. Even though a smile never left the small man’s face… he just couldn’t stand watching Baekhyun like this.

“I hope we will see each other again. You’re one of the rare, best, and greatest people in the world I’m fortunate enough to meet. I’m so sorry for all my wrongdoings. Thank you for everything, hyung. Good bye.” Baekhyun said sincerely, lining his eyes with Minseok’s as he said it. He tried to speak everything he felt towards Minseok, in case this moment might be the last time the man that both were his best friend and senior saw him alive. He had been treating everyone with his words of farewell, in case death took him on his sleep.

Sensing something underneath those heartfelt words, Minseok replied, “Same goes to you, Byun Baekhyun. I’ll see myself out now, I will see you again tomorrow,” he isn’t one for giving up so soon. He hoped, sincerely hoped, Baekhyun would make it. “Good bye.”

_When this flesh and heart shall fail_  
And mortal life shall cease  
I shall possess within the veil  
A life of joy and peace 

Minseok was just halfway turning around to leave when suddenly Baekhyun called him again. “Minseok hyung?”

So Minseok turned around again, fully facing Baekhyun who was trying so hard to sit back up and straightening himself. He sensed what he might hear next was going to be a hint of where the course of fate would steer them all. “Yes, Baekhyun?”

“You might not understand, hyung, but there are things worth dying for.” Baekhyun says, as his mind flicks back momentarily to show him the smiling faces of his loved ones: Chanyeol, his family, Minseok, Junmyeon, all the people he was close to.

Baekhyun’s mind traveled back again, visiting another one out of the many memories of him and Chanyeol that were his only source of strength, a protection against the dark thoughts visiting his hospital bed.

There were days when they used to impersonate people, singers or actors alike. But the exceptional one was their take on Édith Piaf’s 1956 _Non, je ne regrette rien_. They would try to recreate Ms. Piaf’s singing, acting like they were opera chanteurs at Orchestre de l’Opéra de Paris, imitating her with their own falsettos and vibratos, laughing at their own silly attempts of using hilarious nasal voice to sing the French words with correct pronunciations.

 _Avec mes souvenirs, j’ai allumé le feu; mes chagrins, mes plaisirs, je n’ai plus besoin d’eux_  
With my memories, I lit up the fire; my sorrows, my pleasures, I no longer need them,

All the things he had to endure alone.

The painful insertion of the angiocatheter every time he had to receive his chemotherapy. The placement of port-a-cath central line on his chest. The side effects from the Dasatinib pills after he became resistant to a much safer Glivec pills that he had to take secretly. The endlessly tiring therapy sessions from nutrition therapy, pain managements, oncology rehabilitation, and naturopathic medicine he had to take.

Procedures of the aspiration of his bone marrow that made him went through eight blinding, painful stabs on his hip bone only with local anesthesia, to check how many percent the cell blasts had affected his leukemia. The uncomfortable time spent having needles piercing his veins for blood transfusions every time his hemoglobin level was too low. The throbbing headaches and effects of disorientation on his mind that he got after every radiotherapy sessions he had to do after he was told his leukemia had spread to his brain.

It was all he had to do, but it was all gone in the past.

 _Non, rien de rien, non, je ne regrette rien_  
No, absolutely nothing; no, I regret nothing,

Skin rashes that he had to hide from everyone, making him unable to get close to Chanyeol. Mild anemia that made him listless and gave him so much fatigue. Muscle cramps and sore joints that sometimes made him unable to walk or even move his hands. Nausea that overpowered him to the point of him having repeated fainting episodes. Vomiting that made him unable to eat the food he loved anymore.

Gum swelling and bleeding from leukocytes breaching in that at times so severe it made talking too hard for him. The moon face effect that came and went, giving him bloated face from the steroids he had to take. The nosebleed episodes that sometimes wouldn’t stop for an hour. The minor and major surgeries he had to undergo in order to remove his enlarged spleen and taking biopsy samples.

It was okay, it was all for his family. For Chanyeol.

 _Ni le bien qu’on m’a fait, ni le mal; tout ça m’est bien égal_  
Neither the good that has been done to me, nor the bad; it is all the same,

The days he had to work and pretend everything was okay in front of his coworkers and Junmyeon despite being on his lowest state. The days he always drove alone to the hospital, seeing other patients crowded with their families. The days alone he had overheard the way the proactive support and positivity of the doctors and specialists turned into despaired looks and whispers of a dramatically shortened life expectancy.

It was all okay. He would go through it all over and over again if it meant he could keep his loved ones safe.

 _Car ma vie, car mes joies; aujourd’hui ça commence avec toi_  
Because my life, my joy; today, they begin with you.

Only now the words spoke more about its emotional resonances to him, Ms. Piaf reminding him of how he would never regret how or where things in his life were going—for every moment, every adventure, every surprise, even every teardrop, every pain that instilled their roots deep inside his body, every fall and heartache, every second of it all… were what shaped his life.

This life brought the people he came to love the most. His family; his mother who taught him the strength love could give him the power to do just anything, his father who took him under his wings and taught him how to be a true gentleman, Seohyun who was his ally since day one of his life. Minseok and Junmyeon, his long-lost brothers.

This life brought Chanyeol to him. The things that shaped his life were the winds that blew over the veil on his eyes and showed Chanyeol sitting under the big camphor tree on their campus grounds all those years ago, the hands that guided him to directly walk into Chanyeol’s arms. And just like the lover Ms. Piaf sang for in her song, with Chanyeol, his life and the joy the tall man brought along with him, would start—though in the unwitting minds of the naïve it would end—and would embark on a never-ending journey.

_Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound_  
That saved a wretch like me  
I once was lost, but now I’m found  
Was blind but now I see 

Minseok looked at Baekhyun’s eyes, which were opened and directed at the windows. But he knew Baekhyun wasn’t looking at the darkness of the night outside, judging by the soft, tiny smile he was having. For all the reasons Baekhyun gave him… he understood, logically. But he was just so afraid. How could Baekhyun be so fearless?

“I’m not afraid of dying. I have faith and I did everything I can to live my life right. So don’t worry about me,” Baekhyun continued, answering Minseok’s unspoken question, with his eyes sparkling as if mirroring the dots of the stars on the sky outside and his smile gentle reflecting the soft gleam of the moon. “Hyung… I know how everyone—every living thing, actually—has a story of their life, which will end in death, and so does mine. But I want my story to be written in another way where I know—and the people who come across my story and read it—how I’ve lived well. That’s why I chose every choice that led to this very second.”

To Minseok, Baekhyun’s story was written in such a touching, poignant way that he was sure everyone who read it would think about how exceedingly admirable it was, and about how far it was from being tragic despite the leukemia he had.

“I’m fully aware that in this game of life, I’ll lose one day—I’ll die,” Baekhyun said, stopping for a moment to give Minseok a sharp gaze, as if to challenge Minseok to scold him for using the word _die_ again. But when the older one just looked at him in the eyes with a look of comprehension, his stare finally softened. “But I won’t stop fighting—I refuse to yield in spite of me also fully aware of the certainty of my eventual death. Even though I see so clearly how inevitable and predetermined my fate is, that it just can’t be circumvented in any way whatsoever, I refuse to back down, I refuse to give up until I’ve lost totally.”

Even from where Minseok stood, he could see again that same calm look on Baekhyun’s face that more than not covered the strong, courageous, and full of spirit self hidden beneath—surprising people around about just how much the amount of bravery he had—that he admired so much, that he was trying so hard to save…

“And by then, even when death comes to take me away, I know I’ve won, I’m not broken or sick. I’ll leave satisfied and I can smile for one last time because I know I’ve lived a full life and I have done my best,” Baekhyun continued, his voice soft and tone light, just as if he was simply only talking about his day. Somehow he was okay talking about it, once he knew how death was just an old friend of his he’s meeting again at the end of the day. “I accept this course of my fate and my imminent death because I know I’ve lived a fulfilled live—which I unrelentingly strived for, despite the pain I’ve felt and the hardships I have to put up with every single day—I have Chanyeol, my family, and good friends like you, hyung. As simple as that.”

“I don’t know if I will still be here in the morning… but if I’m not, I just want it to be known that everything I’ve done, it was all worth it.” Baekhyun finished. And there was it again, a small smile on his face that seemed to hold greater meanings that probably no one would be able to decipher.

“You do good, Baekhyun. You’re not going anywhere. I will see you again tomorrow and you’re going to be the one who let everyone know how you survived it all.” Minseok spoke at last. He tried to shake off the weird feeling of the last sentence Baekhyun told him, but he hoped with all his might it was just a meaningless saying, derived from the chemicals poured into the small man’s body. He convinced himself that soon, Baekhyun would get better.

Without waiting for Baekhyun’s reply, as if not taking _no_ as an answer, Minseok waved his hand for a salute for one last time and turned to walk away. But then, he stopped midway on his way to the door and turned around again. “Oh anyway, before I leave. Do you know that the people here pronounce your name like the bird’s _beak_ and sleepy _yawn_? _Beakyawn_?” Then he gave his most sincere smile, while studying Baekhyun’s reaction.

Baekhyun just smiled back at Minseok, and not long after that, Minseok left him alone once again in his intensive care unit. The Christian hymn was still playing, its simple yet sublime melody and lyrics that cut to the heart were repeated again and again. It seemed like with Minseok’s absence, the song rang much louder, traveling faster through the concrete wall.

He massaged his temples; the stress was greatly taking its toll on him. Habitually, he caressed his flaming shooting star tattoo on his wrist again as he murmured his list of hopes, as it somehow could help to calm down the quake of his heart. He hoped everything goes well just like he wanted to, even though there was only an off chance of it happening.

To Baekhyun, death was really the secret of secrets. No matter how much he pleaded about when he would be gone, where it would take him away, or who would be there to hold his hands in his last moments… It was God’s prerogative right. Death was inevitable, but everyone who had faith would embrace it.

The saddest thing was that, if he left this world for once and forever, he couldn’t hug and console Chanyeol of the loss, he couldn’t erase the tears, because he couldn’t stay right by Chanyeol’s side. But he hoped, even though death did him and Chanyeol apart, Chanyeol would find the hints he left for him, so as time went on, even though it would completely eradicate his existence in people’s lives, in a way, parts of him were still there to guide Chanyeol… and he hoped one day it would help Chanyeol to understand.

He wrote two letters, one for his parents, which he delegated to his sister, and one for Chanyeol, which he assigned to Minseok to deliver. And for Chanyeol, he had specially arranged and prepared everything Chanyeol needed to carry on after he was gone.

So if he didn’t make it to the next morning from this night, it was okay. At least Baekhyun knew, the first snow once he wished upon didn’t lie, he was given the chance to stay with Chanyeol for ten amazing and irreplaceable years, and death was the one that did him and Chanyeol apart—nothing else. Those were proof of his wish granted.

_T’was Grace that taught my heart to fear_  
And Grace, my fears relieved  
How precious did that Grace appear  
The hour I first believed 

Among the sweet melodies of Aretha Franklin’s voice, Baekhyun could hear it again. His and Chanyeol’s joyful laughter, back when Chanyeol taught him how to bike, when everything was okay.

Chanyeol had fussed over his safety: forcing him to use the bike helmet, complete with kneecaps and elbow caps; holding onto the bicycle’s backseat to stabilize him; and shouting an endless stream of emboldening cheers, even though not to anyone’s surprise he aced what Chanyeol called _the mystery art of biking_ all in just a quarter of an hour. 

But his favorite was when Chanyeol had told him to just keep on going, even when he felt like he was going to fall, as it was the only thing that would keep him upright. Then the _Class With Chanyeol_ ended with them renting a tandem bike, laughing and riding around the city park until the sun set sinking low and hidden under the horizon.

When Baekhyun closed his eyes, the feelings of that day came surging into him, just like he was there, reliving the memory again. The feel of his arms clinging tight onto Chanyeol’s waist; the winds that played with his hair as he placed his forehead on Chanyeol’s back; the warm sun and the cooling breeze that tiptoed their way on their skin as Chanyeol raced through the bustling fallen leaves all the way back home with him on his back, too tired to bike; them talking about things that seemed simple and meaningless that even until this moment still he treasured in his mind.

Baekhyun never thought it would be this clear.

If only people could see, if only they had been there, they would understand how someone could have chosen to go the length Baekhyun had gone just to spend one more day with Chanyeol.

He only just wanted to get home again.

But with his body chained down by his weakness, forced to spend time almost always lying down on his hospital bed, only with his mind Baekhyun could travel away. As the night went, he entered his vault of memories, inside he found his own library, where every book tells a story and every page was a moment of time preserved.

The first time he met Chanyeol, when they first began their story. How it was his heart that made him stop and double back to walk right into Chanyeol’s arms. How since then Chanyeol was always sitting next to him in the library, never leaving his side—strangers turned into closest friends, as together they turn the pages of their story and found the wonder that was written on each page for them.

The first time Chanyeol confessed to him, how they managed to verbalize their love, how Chanyeol took his very first kiss, how they had their own fears but somehow together they could be fearless, having each other made them stronger than ever. How they could just close their eyes and hands holding each other so tight to feel the magic they would never let go.

The first time they hiked, how Seoraksan was the witness of their promises and the talks of their hearts, how Chanyeol’s attempts at trying to make him laugh gave him happy memories and laughter enough to last for a lifetime—even more than that, for an eternity—that later became his most effective remedy.

The first time they got tattoos, how they found the hints of what they could be when they meet again in the next life.

There were countless memories flashing right in front of his eyes, each bringing back a flood of strong feelings to the point the tosca green walls of his hospital room changed into sceneries of every memory, the people that had been with him in the memories were somehow were there again with him. Grateful wasn’t enough to express the feeling he felt for getting the chance to experience it all, even if it was just for once.

Baekhyun thought, when he had his life mapped and traced his finger down to where it would end, in his thoughts there was no more measure of artifice or irony. Along the road he was walking on, he picked up things left and right. Each object, in its own way, was a source of comfort, and they were also colored pieces that made the mosaic of his life—people that played roles of supporting characters in his stories, memories and experience that built up the plot, and the days of his travels along the sole journey of life were the scenes.

But there was one thing that completed him—love. Even though he might be losing the war against leukemia devouring his body, a sense of triumph and celebration underlay all he had suffered, that there were people who loved him—thinking about him in their minds with chants of prayers on their mouths and a seat preserved on their hearts for him.

Love reminds Baekhyun so much of Chanyeol, especially of the day when Chanyeol proposed to him.

The honest and touching words Chanyeol spoke to him when he knelt for him and when they were dancing to Mr. Armstrong, Ms. Fitzgerald, and Ms. James’ songs that Baekhyun loved so much he could recite it back word by word were all engraved in his heart. He chuckled, he did notice that Chanyeol used Christina Rossetti’s sonnet _I loved you first: but afterwards_ from her 1881 _Monna Innominata_ collection of fourteen sonnets, because after that day, when he was thinking about Chanyeol’s words, he felt familiar and upon searching it, he had found the sonnet.

That specific sonnet, and the way Chanyeol recited it lovingly at him, reminded him how to always have trust in love. Chanyeol and him, they had their own intuitive ability to meet each other’s emotional requirements. Chanyeol was flamboyantly romantic, a man who had his hearts out on his sleeves, with love loud and flowing so easily out of his mouth, silver screen of romance playing on the glint of his eyes, bold on his acts to show his love for him in front of the eyes of the world.

While he himself couldn’t express his love with words very well, maybe slightly practically minded, but he knew his true love for Chanyeol came in form of a constant stream of hidden, loving gestures—just like the great ocean: its depth immeasurable, its surface calm and gentle but beneath it was the current so strong it carried him to do anything for the people he loved, to the farthest extents. He was a director behind the scene of silent but strong acts of love that transcended the limit of thoughts and words: his sacrifices.

Maybe in the end their differences in the way which they expressed their love to each other didn’t make any difference because together—they were enough. Together—they could reach higher to get what one’s reach could never get.

Bare logic and raw truth told him maybe he might find happiness at other places somewhere with someone else. But when he was with Chanyeol, it was so difficult to believe that Chanyeol’s reason to exist wasn’t to be made just for him: Chanyeol’s enthusiasm to learn to love the things he delighted in, Chanyeol’s good sense and patience to understand him, and Chanyeol’s power to create happiness for them wherever they went.

Thanks to Chanyeol using said sonnet, he had found that Ms. Rossetti actually had put up excerpts of Dante Alighieri and Francesco Petrarca’s sonnets as an epigraph of hers.

First, Dante’s _Poca favilla gran fiamma seconda_. From this sentence, the major Italian poet of the Early Renaissance taught him: _a great flame follows from the smallest spark_.

In a way, for him the line meant two things. First, the way his and Chanyeol’s love grew from what seemed to be just a casual spark into a one of a kind eternal flame that showed how they had come so far. Second, how Chanyeol was the spark in his life that kept the fire of their romance burning high and gave them the everlasting warmth of happiness; that led their lives into much greater things. The flame they had will never die—he would make sure Chanyeol would still feel his love for him even after he was gone.

And last but not least, Petrarca’s _Ogni altra cosa, ognia pensier va fore, e sol ivi con voi rimansi amore_. The words of the Italian scholar and poet from Renaissance Italy time period was his favorite, the one that dug a deeper path in his heart, more prominent at times like he was currently in: _everything else, every thought, goes fore and forever fades away into the recesses of time, and therein what remains is my soul’s love for you._

When his last breaths were ready to say good bye to him, he reckoned that in the cold light of the day, all which had happened to him in the borrowed seconds alongside the thoughts it created, it all came back into the hollow space of time past. Now nothing else bothered him, and what was left inside him was his love for Chanyeol and his family.

Believe him when he said in the lone spotlight of realization that when all was said and done, from what the palms of life laid out, offered, and gave him… to taste fully the pure, ambrosial concoction of love in every single second of his life—either from his family, his friends or Chanyeol—it was a kind of proof that it was all enough.

How scarce the chances were where he was given exactly what he wished for, how exigent the long wait was, but how wonderful when he did, when he realized what he had desired of his time on earth turned out to be what he felt. Baekhyun felt love through and through, something beyond important, having inestimable worth and invaluable, something not all people had the privilege to experience—that it simply diminished whatever else that had happened to him, even the rocky detour or the unexpected course off path.

The thought reminds him of a simple but still very much poignant poem written by Raymond Carver from his 1989 collection, _A New Path to the Waterfall_ , titled _Late Fragment_. It was Mr. Carver’s last poem before the poet lost his own battle with cancer.

Then his gaze fell on the shining silver distraction on his hand. It was the ring Chanyeol gave him, their wedding ring, and it was the only piece of jewelry he wore all the time. He could feel the soft thrum of his heartbeat from the vein that lined his right hand’s ring finger reverberating against the cold metal. As he rotates it around, he thought about how if he were to be honest, he never needed any instruments to listen to Chanyeol’s voice—he always had it in his mind, like a gramophone putting on the air all the familiar songs from their happy days, the rhythm playing along the beat of his heart, for day and night. He could hear it so clearly, as it drowned the machine sounds and worldly noises.

_I love you, Baekhyun._

For all the times he had been undergoing his treatments, he had refrained himself from speaking out loud of how he loved Chanyeol, only letting his heart to whisper it, just because he had promised himself he wouldn’t say it unless when he was able to come back home and say it in front of Chanyeol—making it as a slightly twisted motivation to come back and to stay alive for Chanyeol. But with the current circumstances, it seemed like for this one he truly wished for… he wasn’t given the chance.

“I love you, Chanyeol.”

_Through many dangers, toils and snares_  
I have already come  
T’was Grace that brought me safe thus far  
And Grace will lead me home 

As the last notes of _Amazing Grace_ were slowly subduing to a close, leaving his ears and gave him his peaceful silence back, he knew why the song was played for—to remind him again of the grace he had received.

So, his brain took him into just one last memory as his eyes showed him his grace that life had blessed him with: his family surrounding him, his mother and sister wrapped by his father’s arms, all standing on his left and smiling at him. And he found the one he had been looking for sitting right by his side: Chanyeol was holding his hands so tight with a sweet smile, nodding once at him when his heart called for his name. It was impossible to really happen, but he had always believed the people he loved never really leave him and were always with him, anyway.

And at that moment he was more than assured that Chanyeol, the love of his life, would get him back home, soon enough.

As his eyes fluttered close, with the invisible arms of his family’s love wrapped around him and the warmth of Chanyeol’s love blanketed him, alongside the thought of how he loved them all back so much it banished the pain luring him in, the lines of Mr. Carver’s poem rang inside his head.

 

 

 

 

_And did you get what  
you wanted from this life, even so?_

_**I did.** _

_And what did you want?_

_**To call myself beloved, and to feel myself  
beloved on the earth.** _

***


	7. Chapter 7

**May 14th, 2017  
Los Angeles, California, US  
06.16 AM**

Minseok got the news of Baekhyun from Seohyun right after it happened.

He was woken up from his sleep by the loud ring of his phone from her call. She told him everything Baekhyun had tried to hide.

The Chronic Myeloid Leukemia had been with Baekhyun for at least three years before the condition was found at first, and it was a miracle his doctor noticed from the indistinct, vague symptoms he showed to direct him for a further, deep blood tests. The type of leukemia he got was actually the most benign one among others, but somehow because it was left for three years untreated, it had arrived into the blast crisis phase where it was difficult to control the number of white blood cells—hence the sudden symptoms coming out to the surface. The delay of essential potent and effective treatments turned it into Acute Myeloid Leukemia, which was found right after he was transferred to Jonsson. Then the bone marrow transplant was done to rush for his aid.

She told him that despite Baekhyun’s undefeated will to live and his ongoing treatments, the cancer was too mighty—Baekhyun’s body suffered graft-versus-host disease, where it rejected the bone marrow transplant, the side-effects of it giving him infections of the gut. The disease in him turned resistant to the continuous chemo sessions, and immunosuppressant drugs he took to lower the rejection effects only reduced his body’s immune defense and made him vomit almost everything he tried to swallow.

Before the bone marrow transplant procedure, Baekhyun had also told her and the doctors of how he wished to donate any organs or tissues to the national donor registries, if something went wrong and took his life. But unfortunately given his type of cancer that had metastasized to his brain, to prevent the risk of the recipients developing donor-derived complications, without telling him to save his feelings, they had to reject it.

She also said that in Baekhyun’s last moments, he talked about how he was okay, maybe not entirely happy, but just enough contentment to accept and let things go—he was satisfied as never once did his fortitude waver during the long suffering months after he got diagnosed. He bade his good byes, he went to sleep and he was gone.

To Minseok, throughout the call, Seohyun’s voice sounded eerily calm. But maybe it was because she already prepared herself for the worst.

And in some sick, twisted coincidence, Minseok actually had scheduled a return flight to Seoul for this morning, to take care a few important business meetings he can’t leave unattended, with the heart to return back right away to LA again after he finished it. But after the news broke, it seemed like it was an unpropitious foreboding that he will never return to an alive and well Baekhyun.

Minseok was going to rush to Jonsson, but Seohyun said she needed time to explain to her and Baekhyun’s parents about the secrets the small man kept about his conditions, and told him to come visiting in the morning instead.

So after a long shower—he didn’t dare to sleep after the call ended—and making sure he doesn’t have any belongings left, Minseok quickly grabbed his bag that he had prepared last night and exited his hotel room. He went to the receptionist desk for early checkout and requested for a taxi, which was thankfully responded by a very helpful bellboy who flagged a taxi right away. Throughout the drive to the hospital, he only noticed how it was raining, it seemed like the skies were grieving too, the clattering sounds of the raindrops thundering on the taxi’s windows reflecting the turmoil of his heart.

And there Minseok is, again standing at the lobby of Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Center’s UCLA Ronald Reagan Medical Center, alone.

The hospital at six in the morning is less crowded, almost empty from its usual people ambling on the halls. Minseok senses that ghostly feeling the characters feel at those haunted hospital movies. Everything seems like it’s put on mute, no one says a thing as he receives a pitying glance from the nurse after he asked her where is Baekhyun.

When he arrives at Baekhyun’s room, his family is all there. Minseok sees Baekhyun’s mother and father huddling at the foot of Baekhyun’s bed, soft sobs can be heard from Baekhyun’s mother. Seohyun is standing not far from them, talking on her phone, maybe arranging the disposal of Baekhyun’s body as per his wish. His eyes travels to Baekhyun’s body, free from all the machine tubes, catheters and cords that were previously connected to him. Finally, his eyes lands on Baekhyun’s face: serene, peaceful and slightly smiling. Baekhyun doesn’t even look remotely like he’s _passed away_ , everyone might just think he looks so calm as if he’s just sleeping safe and sound, only a dream’s reach away.

Seohyun notices Minseok’s figure standing in the doorframe, so she quietly gestures him to come in. 

Allowed to enter the room, Minseok then knocks softly on the door, announcing his arrival to Baekhyun’s parents. They all turn their heads toward him and he can see their eyes red with streaks of tears marring their faces.

“Mr. and Mrs. Byun, Seohyun nuna, deep condolences for you and your family. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know I will miss Baekhyun so much.” Minseok says, after bowing in respect. He actually practiced what he’s going to say to Baekhyun’s parents especially after knowing the family for quite a long time, but everything just flies out of his mind once he sees Baekhyun’s lifeless body, his chest unmoving.

“Thank you, Minseok. It’s okay.” Mrs. Byun manages to reply between her sobs, before looking back again at Baekhyun, stroking Baekhyun’s blanketed legs.

“We appreciate you coming all the way from Seoul. We also want to thank you for always taking care of our son.” Mr. Byun adds, his hands busy massaging his wife’s shoulders.

“It’s an honor to know your son, he was a wonderful person and I’m sure he’s in a better place now,” Minseok says humbly, as he bows slightly. “He was kind, honest, brave and true, right to the very end.”

Both of Baekhyun’s parents only nods at Minseok’s words, small smiles forming on their faces. Then Mr. Byun touches his arm, gesturing for him to come closer to Baekhyun’s hospital bed, giving him permission to say his good bye to Baekhyun.

Minseok nods, silently thanking Mr. Byun. As he walks, he feels like his shoes has turned to stone, his steps become heavy as he comes near Baekhyun. As an orphan, to him, Baekhyun is just like his own brother. Baekhyun had touched his life more than anyone else—it all started when the daring junior who broke the barrier first even though Minseok was the commonly known silent and scary leader of the student council, Baekhyun treated him like he was his admirable senior with respect, then his own brother with care—establishing a close rapport.

And today, Minseok had just lost the person he had acknowledged as his only family. He observes the slight smile on Baekhyun's face, it looks like Baekhyun is currently playing a prank at them, and he can’t contain his sly smile, can’t wait to wake up and shout _April’s fools! Gotcha!_

At one second Minseok truly believes in that script he just made in his mind, waiting for the surprise that he knows will never come. He can’t bring himself to say anything in front of Baekhyun’s sleeping figure, he’s so afraid he will break down and he won’t be able to control himself. He can only do as much as caressing Baekhyun’s clasped hands, and strangely they are almost warm, as if the coldness that he starts to feel on those fingers is just the effect of the chilly morning air seeping through the slightly opened windows—as if Baekhyun is still alive.

After one last gentle touch on Baekhyun’s hands, Minseok walks away from Baekhyun’s bed and the couple, back to where Seohyun is standing. They both exchange understanding looks, before he hugs her and Seohyun hugs him back, blurting out only one silent choked sob before she lets him go, wiping her tears that managed to escape.

“Nuna, I’m sorry if this sounds rude, but I think it’s time for me to go. I have a flight to catch.” Minseok tells Seohyun after ten minutes has passed. He actually wants to spend more time there, to properly send Baekhyun off, since he knows this is the last time he will ever see Baekhyun in flesh. But he really has to go and he feels like an intruder within the grieving family.

“It’s okay, Minseok. Thank you so much for everything, remember Baekhyun’s will. Take care of yourself, alright? We’ll see each other soon.” Seohyun says, giving him a small smile.

Minseok nods, smiles back at her and squeezes her hands to give her some strength. “Okay. See you soon, nuna… we’ll be okay.” He then walks to the door, looking back at Baekhyun’s figure for the very last time before he exits the room.

The slight smile is still there, resting on Baekhyun’s face.

Minseok now only needs to do his last task, Baekhyun’s last wish and last request of favor from him.

***

**May 15th, 2017  
Seoul, South Korea  
01.28 PM**

It’s been nine days since Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s cancelled wedding.

Chanyeol still doesn’t know where Baekhyun is, and every attempt of him to reach Baekhyun gives him zero result. Whenever he tries to call Baekhyun’s phone, he will be directed to the voicemail. He keeps on hoping to listen to Baekhyun’s usual _Hello, it’s Baekhyun and I am currently busy or maybe Chanyeol kidnapped me, but leave your messages after the beep. Toot! Gotcha! Okay for real now. Beep!_ message, even though he knows Baekhyun removed the cute voice message since months ago. Now all he hears is the boring, robotic automated voice telling him to leave his message after a bland, equally boring beep.

Calling Baekhyun’s family is also useless, nobody answers Chanyeol’s call and until now he still doesn’t understand why. With all kind of communication cut off, he can only wait. Or that’s what he finally decided to do after ranting hundred of times first to Minseok, but after finding him busy and unavailable to see he turned to Junmyeon, pestering the boss at his office and asking for ways to contact Baekhyun.

As the week progresses, Chanyeol keeps going more restless. He developed insomnia, dreaming of an escape keeps him awake at night. And it’s not helping that every time he tuned out of focus, almost entering the first N-REM state of sleeping, he would always be woken up by a strange sensation as if the hushed air carried Baekhyun’s voice calling his name, or the surreal feeling of someone holding his hands that he swears felt like Baekhyun’s hands; but as he tried to grasp it, thinking he finally caught Baekhyun and he will never let his hands go, he opens his eyes to find no one and his hands only tremble, holding onto nothingness.

Even though today is a Sunday, still he finds himself at the studio, after Junmyeon had ushered him out of his office, with a repeated promises to tell him if he finds a way to reach Baekhyun. He’s working on a song for his client, not progressing even for a bit despite him working on it for days. It’s because this time he’s alone, no Baekhyun to accompany, to tease, to ask for opinions, or to ask for a kiss when he just feels like it. He misses Baekhyun so much.

The curious thing is, days before today it has been raining nonstop, not giving a chance for the sunlight to come out or the birds out to play, and forced people to stay inside. But now it’s sunny, bright and cloudless. People and birds are out, chatting and chirping alike. He doesn’t know if it’s just a striking occurrence happening by a mere chance or a forewarning—since it gives him an unsettling feeling—but nonetheless he has this knack to anticipate what’s coming for him at the end of the day.

Chanyeol is midway changing the pitch of the song out of boredom, when he hears a series of soft knocks on his studio’s door. He feels disgruntled even by the simple sounds, these days his mood swings are killing him and he can’t tolerate other things much. He loves his solitary silence and he only compromises Baekhyun. Only him.

He has half a mind to ignore the knocks, but the more he pays no attention to it the more it grows louder, sounding more impatient in each knock. Maybe his crews will open the door for him—but then he realizes he gave a day off for everyone yesterday, so he’s alone and he has to be the one who opens the door. How annoying. 

Glancing over his shoulder, still he can’t see who is standing behind the door through its transparent glass, so he rises from his seat to walk to the main door and rushes to slide it open.

It’s Minseok, looking like he had gone a long way to come to the studio with his traveling coat and briefcase. For this once he will let the disruption because Minseok means there’s news about Baekhyun and the last time he saw him was after the cancelled wedding.

“Minseok hyung, hello, come on in—” Chanyeol greets, his face turning from annoyance into a smile as he gestures his hand to let Minseok inside his studio room.

For obvious reasons, Minseok just stands there in front of the door, unmoving. He decides to let the package containing the cold unmerciful fait accompli, which he has been holding onto after nineteen hours of weary, nonstop flight, to speak on his behalf.

Minseok doesn’t have the heart to be the one dropping the bomb on the clueless man standing in front of him, heart intact and unaware of his upcoming doom. He can’t handle to witness something so heartbreaking—he wonders for a second how surgeons and doctors could take it in when they have to come out of the surgery room to tell the families anxiously waiting outside that their loved ones are gone. “Chanyeol… I think it’s time for you to know, to understand.”

“Hyung, what do you mean?” Chanyeol asks, putting a hand over his ear as he walks back to his desk and stops the song he’s working on that’s still playing. Frankly, the song project now seems like something to distract him more than a project he has to finish.

“Here, read this. I’ll wait outside.” Minseok hands Chanyeol a simple, plain looking, white envelope. Without waiting Chanyeol to reply or respond anything, he walks away from the door, leaving the tall man alone to give him some privacy.

One fleeting glance and a slight palpation later and Chanyeol can see how the envelope is quite thick with something protruding at its bottom—he wonders what’s inside. It has nothing written on it except a _Park Chanyeol_ written in a handwriting that a second later he recognizes as Baekhyun’s. He can’t help but feel excited and on edge as to what Baekhyun is sending him. An apology letter? A make-up letter? A surprise? Or an invitation to meet?

Chanyeol slowly rips the upper side of the envelope with a cutter. Inside he can see three papers of the letter folded and wedged neatly. The circle shaped protruding thing turns out to be Chanyeol’s ring—the one Baekhyun has. His heart pace quickens, what happened? Why did Baekhyun give him back his ring? He feels something is off… but he throws away the thought, focusing more on the unopened letter and the prospect of Baekhyun coming back to him.

So, he impatiently opens up the first page of the folded letter. He can see Baekhyun’s intricate writing filling the pages from top to bottom, small but neat. Every stroke on each letter is like Baekhyun waving at him. Here and there he can see doodles drawn—flowers, cats, puppies, hearts, a short man holding hands with a tall man with extraordinary large ears that suspiciously reminds him of himself—even abstract objects that graffitied the otherwise smooth surface. As he inspects clearly, the different grades of the drying ink used makes it more imminent that Baekhyun spent lots of time writing the letter.

_Chanyeol, my love,_

Chanyeol looks up from the paper, grinning. He feels like peeking for a major spoiler!

After reading the first sentence, he can feel it—something good is about to happen, even the sky outside reflects it. It might be just a simple _my love_ , but knowing how it’s Baekhyun saying it for him, it fills his heart with this pleasant warmth and overflowing euphoria.

Come to think of it, they’re okay then, if Baekhyun is calling him his love again! With the overflowing euphoria that starts to grow in his heart, he thinks maybe sometime tonight he can get Baekhyun a special dinner and he can give the new house property title to him, along with the honeymoon tickets—he’s going to see his happy Baekhyun again! The outlook of them getting back together is enough to erase the paper to blank from whatever happened in the last five months.

Then, with his excitement running high, Chanyeol cheerily reads the next paragraph.

_I am so, so sorry. I know this won’t mean much but I will try to answer and explain things for you. I hope my writings can convey my true feelings; this is me speaking to you._

_I suffer from an illness, Chanyeol. It’s leukemia, and my type is Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. Leukemia is a white blood cancer, it basically eats up my immune system, and as far it progresses I will get weaker and more vulnerable to complex infections. Apparently CML has resided in me since three years ago, but only now the abnormality and the symptoms were caught from thorough examinations and blood tests. Funnily enough, my type has common symptoms, so I don’t have to lie much to you. I don’t like lying to you, Chanyeol, even though I promise this is just a white lie._

_I got diagnosed three days after you proposed to me to marry you. I apologize, I am so sorry I can’t tell you this in person because right when I’m writing this for you I’m still trying to fight for my life, for our forever. Maybe you won’t have to read this letter because I got myself cured. But if you are reading this letter… I’m sorry to say this but… I can’t be with you anymore because the treatments don’t work for me anymore. So, let’s hope for the former, shall we?_

Chanyeol almost dropped the letter in his hands, a second away from tumbling down if it weren’t for his reflex to hold on to the chair. He can feel himself plummeting down as his heartbeat stops for a tormenting few seconds, as if a thunder’s deadly electric shock had passed through his heart. What did he just read?

“N-n-no…”

The mixture of fearful confusion, shock, and horror perturbs him, sending tremor on his hands that turns into uncontrolled trembling. The maelstrom of his mind makes his brain unable to process anything. No. It can’t be, it can’t be, it can’t be…

“No… It can’t be…”

Baekhyun is… gone? The sentence blares inside his mind, like a thunder striking on him, and next he’s being rained upon myriads of bullets, arrows and cannonballs, aiming to go through him, ripping him to shreds, killing him again and again. It can’t be, no! It can’t be, it can’t be, it can’t be… Chanyeol can only repeat it as if by doing so can annul the jinx…

“No… Baekhyun… This isn’t real… Baekhyun!”

In the state of him almost unhinged, the animosity settles in. Is this another lunatic prank? He is so close to tearing up the letter, furiously rechecking the envelope and the papers until he rereads the first paragraph. _This is me speaking to you,_ the unmistakable doodles, the authentic handwriting… Those are something only the both of them know and no one can plagiarize. Minseok is the one who delivered the letter, there’s no way he tries to fool him.

Maybe he can turn a blind eye. Pretend the letter doesn’t exist. But as his trembling hands’ grip on the paper grows tighter… it only reminds him how solid it is. He almost wanted to crumple and tear it to bits, but at the sight of Baekhyun’s handwriting, at the way it’s Baekhyun speaking to him, and the fact that it’s his Baekhyun… the only one he ever loves, he just can’t do it.

He can’t erase from his memory what has been seen. Staring at the letter so hard hoping it’ll blur and vanish from his view, but the painful truth of how it’s Baekhyun that vanishes forever from his life is the only thing that comes clearer…

When the truth is just too much to take in; no words are able to describe, when they just want someone to just _understand_ the emotions the truth caused, human beings with their faint hearts and limitations will try to find anything adjacent to their emotions, to make it as if what they feel is something explainable with words, something definite that will lessen and gone in the end, something equivalent and comparable to another emotion, something endurable so they know they’ll heal and forget, and that there’s someone else out there experiencing the same emotions as them that could be a consolation, a friend to carry the weight with.

Chanyeol’s mind starts to build castles of metaphors trying to make something sensible out of the seemingly omnipotent force of sorrow’s dark matter, to measure the unfathomable depth of grief, even though it won’t be near close to describe the grief and pain he feels right now.

But even so, that’s exactly what he starts to do: feigning obliviousness, fabricate deceptions and contrived reality to deny, to find a way out, anything…

“No, Baekhyun… This isn’t the truth! No!”

It’s as if the letter had grown a pair of hands that abruptly pushes Chanyeol into the deep, obsidian black ocean; the first time his face came into contact with the water acts like a harsh slap, water relentlessly breaching in into every crevice of his body, strangling his eyes, nose, ears, and mouth to strip him out of all senses; and now the flow of deadly panic that fills him up and bear down on him are holding him down every time he tries to stay afloat or come to the surface.

His brain just wants to dismiss the fact, refuses to process. This isn’t real. Baekhyun is still here with him, right? That’s what’s real. This is just a marked interruption of continuity, a gap, a chasm in time. Time doesn’t matter to him anymore. Baekhyun does.

Is this a prank Baekhyun is doing to him, to get back at him because he loves to give pranks to Baekhyun? Or for teasing him endlessly? He swears all of those he did just to make Baekhyun happy…

“Baekhyun… I won’t do it again… Please just stop this…”

He’s unmoving, standing still and legs frozen, but it feels like he’s in a marathon. After running around until the ends of the world and coming from such a long way just to find Baekhyun, with high expectation of triumphantly crossing the finish line to get the prize, to find Baekhyun waiting at him at the end with a bucket of flowers and a medallion slung on his neck… But instead he finds his destruction, instead of the prize he finds the ultimate punishment, he finds that Baekhyun isn’t there… now his every breath is ragged, for every inhale instead of pouring oxygen in, he breathes in carbon dioxide that acts like a flocculent of sharp pointed nails scraping his throat dry and raw, lungs ripped open as if filled with boiling magma, head spinning unable to tell which is which, body trembling—

“Baekhyun, please… This isn’t right… Don’t do this to me!”

Chanyeol lets his quivering handle on the chair to loosen, his whole body collapsing to the floor. He feels something angled knocks his back—somehow he ends up sitting on the floor with his back on the edge of the couch Baekhyun used to sleep on—is this another sign?

In turn with the loud rush of his blood going everywhere but his brain, with his headache and nausea coming stronger than ever, now he feels as if he’s doing a nosedive with no parachutes to slow his fall, to save him from crushing when he hits the ground of reality. A surge of hysteria suddenly comes attacking his senses, pushing him from the highest cliff to the deepest abyss, with no way out to be saved.

“No… No. This, this can’t be real. I am just dreaming. Right?” Chanyeol weakly says as he starts to cry. He remembered just yesterday he dreamed of Baekhyun so vividly, so this might be a dream too, right? He pinches his own arms until he feels the smarting sting hurting him.

When it still doesn’t work, he slaps his face repeatedly until his cheeks and palms go red. Then he balls up both of his fists so that the nails are digging into his palms, and starts to punch anything he can reach. The hard wooden floor and the concrete walls, all he punches. He punches and punches again until his knuckles start to bleed, but still he can’t wake up. He refuses to believe the fact, it’s definitely not real… He then tries another possibility, he might read the words wrong.

But no matter how hard he strains his eyes, no matter how many turns he did to flip the paper, the words won’t change, it still says the fact that Baekhyun is gone, leaving him to another unreachable realm. He wails, screams and shouts, at first just Baekhyun’s name before slowly turning into unintelligible words as he is truly speechless, thankful for the soundproof walls of his studio that let him to be as loud as he want.

But he also hopes someone would hear his roar, to come to his aid, to relief his pain… to get him his Baekhyun back. Tears continue rushing out of his eyes, creating a river of its own, spilling hot liquid full of regret and sadness. Amidst of it all, he lets his upper body to fall, his back hitting the hard wooden floor.

As the confounding senses slowly bury him down, Chanyeol can’t feel his limbs anymore, all numb and rendered weak. But he needs to find his Baekhyun.

“Baekhyun—where are you? No, this can’t be. No!”

Chanyeol frantically searches his surroundings, his eyes madly turning everywhere, his body crashing against the furniture around him, but he can’t feel the pain anymore. His teary eyes land on the studio’s door, Baekhyun must be somewhere behind it, lurking out of his sight, right?

“Baekhyun, please—” Chanyeol calls, hoping that in any minute Baekhyun will come out of his hiding and laugh at another prank he’s pulled; an April’s Fool joke, even though he’s in a deranged state, his disoriented mind is still able to articulate the fact that April has long gone, and Baekhyun won’t ever do this to him…

But as the minute changes there is no one to greet him, no dark mahogany eyes to wink at him, no apple cheeks to smile at him, no bubbly laughter to tease him for believing in such a dumb joke.

Chanyeol tries again.

“Baekhyun!” He yells this time, his voice trembling while paroxysmal fear starts to attack his senses. He’s starting to feel more outraged, his heart and mind swamped with anger, this is not funny anymore! Why is Baekhyun keeping him waiting for far too long?

The anger suddenly turns into desperation as his shouts turns into a plea. Maybe by then Baekhyun will come out…

“Baekhyun… No, please… Baekhyun, no!” Chanyeol keeps on calling, not giving up.

But then a small voice tells him something. Baekhyun, who is always there for him, to protect his heart safe, to save him, who always answers a second after his call, would never keep him waiting even for a minute, would never keep him calling for him too many times… would never do a prank this cruel on him.

If Baekhyun doesn’t appear in front of his eyes right at this second to tear the letter and tell him it’s all just fine, when he already cried his soul out and screamed Baekhyun’s name as if he’s in a life or death situation, just one step away from jumping off of a cliff… Then Baekhyun is really not there, it’s not a joke and Baekhyun is…

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol takes a painful breath. “Is not,” his sobs are dragging him down. “Dead!” 

He screams to no one, the last word tastes like a bitter, acidic liquid being forced into his throat to swallow. And what makes his blood run cold is the way only the word _dead_ that seems to bounce around the studio’s walls and reverberates through his head…

Baekhyun promised him. He is going to see Baekhyun. Why did Baekhyun lie to him… He was going to give Baekhyun his birthday gift, the house he’s always wanted. He was going to marry his one and only, build a house of four, which under its roof they will raise two kids and a puppy… How can he go on when his future is now broken down, erased forever?

Chanyeol bets his entire life he has done nothing but good deeds in his life, but why God make Baekhyun suffer such a cruel fate? Make him go through this kind of torture? The hatred and fury inside him are building up higher and higher at how unjust things like this could happen to them. String of curses ready to be thrown at God, who supposed to be the fairest of them all, who supposed to know what’s best for everyone, just gave him the worst scenario. It’s too much! Where is his Baekhyun! This doesn’t make sense—there is no way—

“No! That’s impossible—Baekhyun! Please… Baekhyun!”

Chanyeol’s temper bursts out in form of another stream of tears. Now his tears are creating patterns on his face, wetting his shirt and his jeans, and pooling on the studio’s wooden floor. Then he tries to reach out for anything, but only for his hands to claw at nothing but thin air. He just can’t get his mind to understand… he doesn’t _want_ to understand… help him, please… someone…

The skies are lying to him! The sunlight, it’s just to mask the thunder that just struck him down. The happy chirps of black-billed magpies, it’s none other than the croaks of six crows circling above his dying self. The pleasant warm weather, it’s just the calm before the storm raging on him… they’re all conspired to lie to him, to mock him with the truth!

“Baekhyun! No! You can’t go and leave me alone!”

Chanyeol wails again. He feels constricting pain in his chest, and now he just can’t breathe! He can feel himself losing control of his hands, and now his fists can’t stop. He punches his chest, trying to chase away the pain, but why it won’t go!

Can it be like his childhood days when he got nightmares and his mother and father would come to his rescue, to hug him tightly and assure him that everything will be fine and alright, the monsters are just a part of another meaningless dream? But now he’s alone with no one to hug him, no one to save him from the sinister, bodiless voices screaming the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth of how he lost his Baekhyun, no one to salve his wounded heart, and he has to force himself to accept the fact that Baekhyun is gone, it isn’t merely just a dream—it’ll never be fine.

“Baekhyun… n-no… Baekhyun help me, please!”

The ghosts of what he should have done and what he should have not turn into hounds of hell, closing down on him to seal his doom, marching in masquerades, to leave him alone to rot with no Baekhyun to save him. He wonders if he’ll ever see the sun again now that Baekhyun will never be able to stand right by his side anymore…

“Baekhyun… I’m so sorry, Baekhyun… I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry…”

There is no escaping the jaws of the painful truth this time when he remember how the last time he saw Baekhyun alive was when they had a fight, how he spat out those harsh words in front of Baekhyun who was trying to stay alive against cancer’s ruthless stabs, who has always put all of his faith in him, who was trying to save him, all without a second of hesitation…

Or can he just close his eyes? Can he just count to three and when he opens his eyes he’ll find that this is just another figment of his imagination? Vainly, he tries to do just that with his tears filling his eyes, all the while he hears the creature creeping up behind him to tell him that Baekhyun is really gone…

“Baekhyun, please… where are you…”

Chanyeol shouts again. The only thing that gets stronger is his fists’ punches, now finding his thighs as the punching bag. No matter how many times he swings his fists to punch them, he no longer can feel his legs. The numbness that spreads from his heart to his hands, legs and fingers, the cold perspiration induced by his panic covered him whole. God, what he did do in all of his previous lifetimes to deserve this!

The marvelous painting of their future he so carefully sketched, traced, drawn, and pour all of his heart into, with Baekhyun as the colors, that the greatest painters of all time will be ashamed to even imagine to draw, turned into black and white before it’s pulverized and swept by the wind right in front of his eyes.

Chanyeol screams again. This time he finds himself banging his head to the floor again and again. Maybe it’s his head misinterpreting everything because Baekhyun can’t be gone! It all only enhances the thrumming pain that’s currently playing a steady rhythm on his temples and on the spot just below his last rib. Then his tears filled eyes see the bruises and speckles of blood here and there, over his hands and arms. Those aren’t real too, aren't they?

“Baekhyun… please! I’m begging you…”

The perfect future he dreamed of to sail with Baekhyun and the hefty ship he built and assembled so attentively to sail the rough seas with are shattered into smithereens. How is he supposed to navigate where their ship will sail if he had lost his one and only compass? How can he survive afloat against the harsh tidal waves of the sea of life now that he reached Davy Jones’ locker, the dead end of the sea where unnamed fallen sailors and shipwrecks abode with no place to come home to, with no one to claim them?

In the emptiness that starts sinking in, he just wants to leave, let himself go. He’s ready for the agony to strike him again and again, for nothing can compare to his loss. Push his boat from the highest cliff to the sea below, with jagged rocks waiting for him; or for the crows swooping down from the sky to catch him like a bird of prey. He’s ready for any kind of pain—please, just give him his Baekhyun back!

“Baekhyun… I’m so sorry… Please, just come back home to me…”

Chanyeol has waited a lifetime to find Baekhyun, to be finally graced by his existence. But in such a short time, against his will, fate and its mysterious and cruel ways has snatched away forcibly from him the miracle that had helped him walk through the path of his life.

Chanyeol somehow can hear his own sobbing and wheezing as if it was another person doing it, as if he was in another parallel universe. Death doesn’t seem so scary now, as logically it is the only way he can be reunited with Baekhyun. His hands are slowly creeping up to grip his neck, squeezing and tightening the hold, trying to strangle himself. Is he ready for death? His erratic, deluded mind tells how it’s a shortcut for him to be reunited with Baekhyun, anyway…

But another voice in his mind firmly says no. He will never do that…

Chanyeol grabs handfuls of his hair, pulling it with force, but the pain of him falling apart at the seams is still unable to change anything. It hits him harshly that now nothing he does will be able to bring Baekhyun back alive. His life will never be the same again; will never be complete. Only in Baekhyun’s eyes he can see the true beauty of the world. The world without Baekhyun is a world not worth living in…

“Baekhyun… Come back to me… Please! Come back for me…”

Chanyeol thought the idea of saying or even thinking about how… Baekhyun is… gone, along with his light, is frightening. At this point, He doesn’t know if he can be saved from the forthcoming darkness after his only light is gone.

The fire that lives inside him is ignited again; but this time, instead of the fire that helps him to strive for the better, the fire has become the one that’s slowly burning him from the inside. Is the devouring fire the same as the illuminating, exalting light? Without Baekhyun, Chanyeol’s fire, is it the fire that spreads warmth from the fireplace in the living room or the fire that slowly but sure swallows the whole house?

“Baekhyun… Baekhyun! Don’t leave me!”

Chanyeol hits his chest again and again, for physical pain he’s feeling doesn’t cover any part of his emotional pain. He’d turn to violence if it means he could just forget, remove the overwhelming emotional pain and rewind everything back to what it was, to his alive Baekhyun. He has his reasons, he has reached the crescendo of the state of hurt—completely battered, damaged, and lost his loved one, so what else will hurt him? He is only trying to get out the grief that prevailed upon his heart that acts like acid corroding his sanity…

Tides of truth that Chanyeol tried to swim against have finally brought him down upon his knees. He’s trying to call out from beneath the waves, but only to be beaten down again and again by the ocean’s rain of reality. Now the cold dark sea are finally wrapping its arms around him, pulling him down into the deep to leave him alone at the bottom. He’s begging and pleading, screaming on top of his voice, but only for no one to be able to help him or bring Baekhyun back…

“Why did you leave me… Why didn’t you tell me… Baekhyun, you promised… why didn’t you tell me…”

With frustration flooding all of Chanyeol’s senses, he can feel himself being hit by a freight train going on hundreds of miles an hour, wrecking the last hope he has for being together with Baekhyun once more, to the point he wants to smash, shatter and thrash every object in the studio if it weren’t for a sudden, soft tiny voice in his head reminding himself that Baekhyun would be so mad and disappointed if he let his anguish destroy everything on his path.

He can sense his energy draining out from hitting himself up, only for it to be replaced with squeamish feelings. His throat is now sore from too much shouting, as he can only let out painful retching sounds after he coughed from too much crying that doesn’t show any sign to stop anytime soon.

A big chunk of Chanyeol’s heart is taken out without permission, leaving him dented permanently with no possibility to fully fixing it or anyone and anything to replace Baekhyun. He is a dead man walking with only half a heart. Maybe he’ll faint soon, as now his vision starts to get blurry and he can sense his body on the border of passing out, half conscious.

Chanyeol is lost in the maze of what-ifs and if-onlys. God, he will take it all back. He will atone for all of his sins. Anything, please, just give him back his Baekhyun. He would trade his life and soul just so he can bargain Baekhyun back to life, would give a thousand years of his life in exchange of just another one day with Baekhyun, would take Baekhyun’s place just so Baekhyun won’t have to endure such agonizing torture…

God, may he return to the beginning? Chanyeol tries vainly to call Baekhyun again.

“Baekhyun…”

His hope is dimming, and his dreams too, but still he hesitates to acknowledge that Baekhyun is not in this world anymore. As if he’s still waiting for the world to give his Baekhyun back, but the world has gone venturing into a dreamless sleep and left him weeping all alone…

Amidst the waves of the wallowing calamity that threaten to consume him whole, the vision he’s seeing with his eyes suddenly changes. Every teardrop is a waterfall of its own: every teardrop brings out a strong current memory, of a day or a moment with Baekhyun, each an important piece of him. All of them collate together, whirling around him, showing precious few seconds of glimpses of Baekhyun. Baekhyun’s face, Baekhyun’s eyes that never leave his, Baekhyun’s smiles, Baekhyun’s touches on his skin, Baekhyun’s laughter mixing so well with his, Baekhyun’s kisses on his forehead… as if he’s standing in a dim room with a projecting night light showing him scenes magnified on the wall, circling him…

Chanyeol doesn’t know how much time has passed.

But as he lies still and feeling lifeless on the studio floor, his mind starts working tricks on him by creating hallucinations of a smiling Baekhyun looking down at him from the couch the little designer used to sleep at. Then he mentally slaps himself, he needs to pull himself together to continue reading the letter.

Baekhyun is watching from up there, does he? At least the storm in his heart calmed a little bit knowing that Baekhyun is back at heaven, his angel is back where he really belongs—at the place he truly deserves, healthy and happy.

His anger towards the unfairness of the fate turns back to him in the forms of remorse and embarrassment, while his rage subsides into a strong feeling of disgrace towards himself. He must have looked like a mess now, and he doesn’t want Baekhyun to see him like this from up there. He should try to keep on going, and in order to do that, he needs to understand. Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery. He should try, even though it’s the hardest thing to do…

Still sobbing and shaking all over, Chanyeol raises the letter to his eye level to read the next paragraph.

_Yes, me losing appetite? Losing weight? Sweating on a cold night? Headaches? Mood swings that turn me into a wicked wizard? Those are my symptoms. Don’t blame yourself for not noticing, Yeol. Nobody does until the result came up. Anyways I’m glad they aren’t easy to see, because then I don’t have to lie to you if you ever asked me about it. Also, thank you for always taking care of me, I know and see the efforts you do to make me feel comfortable and to make sure I’m okay._

_Thank you for always making me feel happy and so loved and cared about. I enjoyed our brief happy days after I accepted your wedding proposal on new year’s eve, before I had to leave for treatments here in California. Even though in people’s eyes by accepting it seems like I’m giving false hope for our forever after knowing my condition, please never think I only accepted just to make you happy or me doing a dying man’s last good deed or something… I accepted because somewhere deep down in my heart, us finally wedded is one of the things I want the most, alongside us adopting two kids and two dogs. I want us married, kissing like there’s no tomorrow in front of the guests, dancing a mix of waltz and Irish jig like we have no care to the world._

_I want to take a leap of faith that maybe someday I can make those happen, with you beside me. and yeah. I accepted because I love you unconditionally. end of story (ok not really the end, but yeah I love you!!!!!!!!!)_

“I love you too, baby…” Chanyeol whispers, as a reply to the cute way Baekhyun wrote his love confession. He feels sad at how he also wants and imagines the same thing as Baekhyun for their wedding, how he wants to proudly present Baekhyun the house Baekhyun has always wanted, and that he bought with his own money. He then remembers the last call he has with Baekhyun, how it’s now known that it was the last time he hears Baekhyun saying _I love you_ to him and also the last time he’ll ever be able to say it back to an alive and listening Baekhyun…

_I know as you’re reading this you’re worrying about me. Don’t worry, I got my meds and treatments at the Seoul National University’s Cancer Hospital, precisely at the Center of Hematologic Oncology. After that, Seohyun nuna transferred me here, to Jonsson. All these medical terms are hard to pronounce, eh? But let me tell you, hematologic means studies relating to the blood and oncology is the study of cells, mostly directed to study of cancer and tumor as well._

Chanyeol then weakly chuckles in between his sobs because he can precisely hear the last paragraph he read said in Baekhyun’s adorable know-it-all voice, reminding him how smart Baekhyun is, truly an expert when it comes to complicated terms. But then his chuckle turns into a sniffle after he realized how he missed so many signs. Was he blind?

He thought he has Baekhyun all mapped up in a directory, scrutinized every abstruse details under an electron microscope, but Baekhyun hides it all too well. He wishes Baekhyun would at least tell him about his condition and he’s so close to run out of the studio just to ask anyone for answers, but he trusts Baekhyun to unravel the tight knot of secrets the small man was keeping to himself in the later part of the letter.

Still crying, he forces himself to get up, sits himself down on the floor and continues to read.

_In all honesty, Yeol, I’m dying. The team of doctors treating me tried so hard to keep me in the dark about my real condition but I’m not that dense to not try to find out myself. My days are numbered, limited, probably countable by my two hands of ten fingers. I even have my last will written already. A sneak peek, you’re included in it, don’t worry, I will inherit you my collection of your oversized clothing that I stole. (just kidding! Just read my will later, okay? I'm sending you a copy!)_

_Also, I’m letting you know, I’ve arranged with Seohyun nuna that if I die I want to get cremated. The idea of getting buried scares me, and I still strongly dislike darkness even though you taught me how to fight my fear. For the cremation, at first it was a horrible option for me, you know. But then I remember that you are my fire. So it’s like getting blanketed in your warmth, right? I don’t have to worry. Hehehe._

Again, Chanyeol is bawling his eyes out. Baekhyun, even in his worst state and when he was in the brink of death, still managed to joke and think about him. Another time out of many where Baekhyun has put up his chivalry and selflessness just to protect him…

He wants to be just like Baekhyun—like cerulean blue ocean, no matter how much you row, cut deep through it or swim against it, the bottomless water is bound to keep coming back through and through without a single fail.

But then—he gasps in shock when he realizes the location of Baekhyun’s hospital at the US—California. That’s the exact same place he was planning for the first stop of their honeymoon… what are the possibilities of him almost a year ago choosing the destination as the same as the place where Baekhyun was when he was searching for him? The painful irony of the truth hurts him so, so much to know that he should’ve been the one bringing Baekhyun to California, to take him exploring the city. Not him going to California alone only to take back Baekhyun’s ashes…

There are stains of dried teardrops at the seam of the page, Chanyeol notices. Obviously Baekhyun had been crying while writing the letter. He lets his hand traces over the tear stains, as if it somehow can revive Baekhyun again, like Hansel and Gretel left the bread crumbs so they can come back home. And now he’s tearing up and wetting the same spots of Baekhyun’s tears, hopelessly wishing Baekhyun can come back to him as well…

As he tries to regain control of himself, remembering the calming words Baekhyun said for him while trying so hard to not think about how he can never hear an alive and well Baekhyun saying it again to him, slowly but sure the waves of panic and fright start to withdraw and he can breathe again despite being continuously interrupted by his sobs—it's not much, but it’s a good start. So then he proceeds to read the second and last page of the letter.

_Chanyeol, my sweet, sleepy giant baby,_

_From the last months, I see the traces of you crying yourself in your sleep, and the moment you wake up, in your eyes I can see places that you would rather be… I’m so sorry. Now I will explain my absences. I know it’s not fair and I might not cover all the days I’m missing, but I’m trying to pick the ones I remember I saw you sad and not smiling like usual. (Sorry T—T)_

_As you know from the first page of this letter, I have CML and it’s not really a malignant type of leukemia. But still, I had to get chemotherapy, radiotherapy, injections, and transfusions. Arranging appointments for them wasn’t exactly an easy feat. I should tell you the whole truth, but all I can say is that what happened to me is a complex case that does exist but relatively rare. And that’s okay because I’m fine, that’s all you need to know._

_Remember the day when we were in the studio, when you went out to buy me food and told me not to look on your Special Project? Where you asked me to go for picnic on Saturday and I declined saying I have to go clean my family house? That’s the start of everything, the first time I lied to you. That Saturday is the first time I have to go through laboratory check, that leads to more missing Saturdays._

_Can you believe I’m glad Junmyeon hyung gave me the Saturdays shift, because later it’ll be the façade just so you won’t notice much of the increasing rate of me missing our time together more and more each day? Thanks to the shifts, by then I don’t really have to lie to you if you asked of my whereabouts. Again, I hate it when I have to lie, especially to you._

_Yes, Saturdays are the days I have to regularly do check ups and/or receive my doses of chemicals to defeat my illness. (this also explains my sudden love for wearing knitted beanies, I don’t want you to see my falling hair, UGH I swear my bald spots are a sore view, like Dumbledore’s! See what I did there? Hehe.) Also for a lot of times I have to hide my body from you because chemotherapy made me develop hematoma, it’s a condition where the blood vessels broke from too much pressure and causing red blood cells to precipitate under my skin. Probably you’ve seen reddish or bluish purple marks on my body? Those are them! And you've probably noticed I always come to sleep really late, the tiredness the chemo sessions gave me made me desperately tired but found it really hard to sleep._

_First, I know you must have realized at some point I started using my phone more, shielding my screen away when texting, answering calls far away from you… Let me tell you I wasn’t having an affair. Even though it’s kind of funny to see you getting all worked up and jealous over Sehun (I will get to the whole Sehun controversy later, stay tuned!). Actually I was contacting Doctor Kim Jongdae, he’s a professor that has been taking care of me so well. Please send my greetings for him from me, Yeol. We owe him lots for our extended time together because if it weren’t for his intensive care for my case, I wouldn’t even stand a chance for another month to live._

_Second, is when I had to neglect my duty to come with you for the cake tasting and picking our menu for the wedding lunch. Actually I got a text notification for my chemotherapy session, and I had to leave because I wasn’t feeling good. You saw me stumbling after I woke up, right? Also, Jongno-gu. That’s not Sehun’s address… it’s Seoul National University Hospital’s. I think at that time my mind wasn’t working properly because I couldn’t lie and almost exposed myself. I’m really sorry if what I said sounded so mean, I was just trying to cover it all up and I just didn’t know how to do it right. I’m so, so sorry. Remember the dream I had? It wasn’t just a mere dream, in that dream we were too standing in the cold hard ground of reality and I was trying to save you. But it seems like I don’t make it. I’m so sorry for failing you._

_Third, when I had to reject your surprise date. I had left for red blood cells (it’s called erythrocytes!) transfusion session because at that time my kidney started to fail, my blood circulation is contaminated with broken parts of died erythrocytes and it couldn’t produce enough fresh erythrocytes to carry oxygen and nutrients all around my body. You won’t see it because I tried my very best to not show it to you, but my heart broke when I had to tell you I picked my tuxedo and sorted my guests already. Don’t worry, I didn’t pick it with Sehun. The tuxedo is my old one, took it from my old house. I did it all during my hospital visits. I couldn’t do tuxedo fitting with you because I don’t want you to see the scar of the port-a-cath line planted on my chest for chemo and bruised skin from all the medications I got. And for the guests, you might realized I only put my family and our closest friends, just so in case something happens on the D-day… I won’t put you into much trouble. (and I was right, I had to leave on our day, I’m so sorry.)_

_Fourth, when you gave me the tenderloin steak set. I have something to confess… I didn’t finish it at all. My illness and the treatments I have to get forced me to have a strict diet, I can’t just eat every food now. It also prevents me from eating anything grilled, for the carbon monoxide in it is a carcinogenic agent, lethal for me. And it so happens it’s also in the tenderloin steak set you cooked for my lunch box… I’m sorry to admit that I had to give the food to other people so it wouldn’t be wasted or worse, thrown to the trash bin. Anyways thank you for the food, I know how much effort you did to cook for me and deliver it to my workplace. And another clarification, I didn’t go out on errands with Sehun, again I spent all morning getting chemo, sadly._

_Fifth, when I forgot our appointment with the florist and layout designer. You must’ve been able to guess by now… another 100 points to Gryffindor! It was another chemo sesh to help shrink a tumor that had grown and threatened to block my bowels. Apparently everything just got worse, Yeol. I lost my sense of time, track of events, and I feel so sick like I had to go on somersaults of roller coaster for hundred times straight without stopping. I’m so sorry for forgetting. I said words I didn’t mean and I guess the effects of the meds I got took over my mind. I swear I only tried to put a show to keep you away from knowing the painful truth, but still I’m so sorry for all of it. When I said to you will me explaining things is able to change what has been done, what I meant is that will me telling you my illness will cure me? Will I be able to stand and look at you suffering as you watch me in pain? The answer is never, Yeol, never. That’s why I kept my silence._

_Can you believe my condition reached its worst state a few days before our wedding day? And that’s very astute of you, Yeol, for recognizing the beeping sounds of my cardiogram and intravenous chemotherapy pump instead of believing my lie when I told you it’s me typing. I wasn’t at the café with Sehun, I was at the hospital getting chemo. And after you told me that you love me, I didn’t reply again. Do you know why? Because I know it’s probably our last time talking and I want the last words you hear from me is ‘I love you’ and I don’t think I can stand another second hearing your sad voice or else I’ll start spilling the tea and tell you my secret plan :,) I was so close to crying out loud, I was trying my best to hold down my sobs._

_I know I left you on the altar (well, technically we never reached the altar, but let me write it that way, it’s for dramatical purposes and I aspire to be just like your favorite author, JK ~~Bowling~~ ~~Rowing~~ Rowling! God her name is so hard to write!) and you can’t contact or find me anywhere. I’m sorry again, I broke your contact with my family (I kinda blocked your number on their phones, oops…) and told Seohyun nuna and Minseok hyung to never let you know about my whereabouts or my illness unless I am gone (or healed, obv) already._

_To my defense, I had to leave on our wedding day to California for further treatment. Remember that day, a few days before our supposed wedding day, when we fought and I left you alone? That day Seohyun nuna already finalized my transfer to California and the doctors agreed it’s best for me to go. I might get to live longer with you, see. So I had to leave. I’m really sorry for doing that to you, I didn’t mean to hurt you._

_All these reasons I gave you… I know it will never be able to justify what I did to you, but please forgive me, Yeol. It breaks my heart to see you crying… I’m so sorry._

_Last, this is probably the question you’ve been asking the whole time you’re reading this: why didn’t I tell you? Well, the answer is simple. I know from that day in our university days when you told me about you losing your father, losing people is a traumatic thing for you. So when I find out about me getting worse and have no time to live anymore and possibly will leave you first, how can I tell you? You’re a rare gem in this world, my sky full of stars, Chanyeol, how can I hurt you, traumatizing you? How can I let your shine go out?_

_I want to be just like Atlas—I’ll carry your world and all of your hurt. I know how much you will fuss over my well being, even go as far as turning the world upside down for me, but I can’t let you do that because I don’t want to hurt you beyond repair. Even though with me dying and breaking my promise probably already did it… trust me when I tell you I tried as much as I can to heal, but it seems like fate says otherwise. I'm so, so sorry._

_The doctors here who took care of me told me to pause at times to refocus on the most important things in my life, to stop doing what I no longer want to do and start doing things I always have wanted to do. At first I thought it was so hard to do it all since everything is nothing without you. But then I realized what I really want is to spend my life with you and I got it already. This life gave me the honor to spend time you, and the most important is I have you._

_I have always needed you. I don’t ever want to lose you because I know I could never make it alone, Yeol. So thank you so much for giving your time to fill my days with happiness, to cast your magic that makes me smile and laugh, to hold and hug me so tight I’ll never forget the feeling of being embraced by your arms. Our memories and our love are enough for me to know you’re always with me. Since because of you, I have my memories of us as my power, my strength to do it all, my will to fight._

_You know, Yeol. Sometimes I’m grateful the cancer I have isn’t something as worse as cancer types that stripped down the memories off of its sufferers’ minds—I still have my memories with me. When everything was just too much… it’s the only thing that truly saves me more than those sedative and painkiller drugs they’re giving me. I can lose myself in it and feel you with me. That way, I’m more… alive._

_As for the ring (which is my wedding ring), can you let me be selfish a bit more and ask you to wear it as a necklace? I want to be by your side, even if it’s just a ring dangling from your neck. You don’t know how much I played the audio using the engraving scanner you installed on my phone (that device is brilliant, you’re my favorite genius person, btw). I’d do anything just to hear your heartbeats again, with my whole body pressed against yours._

Chanyeol has been reading the previous paragraphs with regret and despicable feelings towards himself, but for the last one he read, he breaks a smile. Even without Baekhyun asking him, he will definitely use Baekhyun’s ring as his necklace. Then his heart constricts at Baekhyun’s request— _he_ would do anything to turn back time, for him to go back to the moments where he had Baekhyun snuggling into his neck, head on his chest, sleeping soundlessly just from hearing his heartbeat…

The explanations act like cavalries firing up their rifles all at once at Chanyeol, leaving holes in his conscience. The tears are coming back, with an even stronger current and now he simply just explodes for the millionth time. How can he forgive himself after all he had done? If only he can repent, undone and unsaid all the second thoughts he had just so Baekhyun could come back…

His outburst of emotions is back again. How could he ever be alive when he knows Baekhyun is gone? Every intake of breath hurts, every beat of his own heart is too painful to bear; but he knows the pain will never match Baekhyun’s, who underwent much worse trials and suffered more than him. Every tear he shed, Baekhyun shed ten times as much. Every pain he felt, Baekhyun gone through ten times worse.

He feels so guilty for ever thinking about Baekhyun having any kind of relationship with Sehun. As his mind is working on about what is Sehun’s true role in this, his eyes lands on the next sentence on the letter.

_And as for your questions of Sehun, I have Minseok hyung to explain it to you. (but don’t worry! nothing happened and it’s quite funny actually to see you getting all worked up haha)_

The sentence Baekhyun wrote in the brackets manages to bring out a tiny hint of smile on Chanyeol’s face. But he wonders what’s so special about Sehun until it takes Minseok to tell him about the matter? After a moment of thinking what kind of possibilities of what truly happened between Baekhyun and Sehun but still finding a dead end for every scenario, he decides to continue reading the letter until it’s finished before asking Minseok. So, he goes to continue his read to the third and last page of the letter:

_At the end of the day, always remember this, Yeol. I’m so grateful I met you: you came along and you became my sky full of stars, in a way that you light up the path of my life by showing me all the right things to do, and you are exactly the company I need at every lone nights. Thank you for living up my previously dull life with your lame jokes and cheesy one liners (kidding! I love every single of it!) I’m so glad I greeted you back at the first time we’ve met. At first I thought it was just an action on the spur of the moment, but now I understand it was the universe’s way bringing you to me—for us to cross paths, our destinies changed forever for the better._

_I know this is impossible as we’re so far from each other right now, but my last wish is that at least I want to go as you hold me in your arms, when the time for me to leave comes. I wish I was there with you or you were here with me, or any way for us to be together._

_Lastly (the very last I swear! haha), I know how under havoc you are and how you’re blaming yourself right now, but I demand you to keep hold of your head high, don’t feel sorry as you aren’t at fault. It was my decision to keep all of this from you. I want you to keep on living your days and be happy, because life goes on with or without me, alright? All I want to see is you smiling and laughing again. Just like when you hug me tightly to help me overcome my fear of dark, and just like the way you are my sky full of stars, you get lighter the more it gets dark. So when my light dissipates, now it’s your turn to ignite your fire. Fighting! (9 'o')9_

_In all seriousness, I hate seeing you cry from up here, because I’m not there anymore to wipe your tears, Chanyeol. So stop crying for me, please? Get up, spread all the love, smiles and laugh I know you have lots in you, and seize the day! I promise you from up above that we’ll take whatever comes, we’ll be just fine. I may not be with you, but you’ve got to try to be strong and hold on. Okay? Good puppy. (Do you feel that? That’s me ruffling your blue hair that I love very much! Here’s also a kiss, ^3^)_

_Promise me that you will always remember to do what’s right. It’s so easy to do the wrong thing in this world, so if it feels wrong, if it feels easy, don’t do it. Don’t let the world spoil you. Treat yourself right, love yourself like I love you. Always believe in yourself and do the things you know you won’t regret later on for not doing it. That way, you can’t ever go wrong._

_Anytime you need me, just remember to look up at the sky. Just close your eyes to see that you’ll find me anywhere, because even though I’m far away, you and I know we’ll always be by each other’s side… I’ll always be by your side. Now it’s my turn to be the arms that hold you tight, to keep you safe and warm, to protect you from everything around you. I’ll stay with you, until the end._

_People said that it’s sad to know how_ nothing lasts forever. _It’s true, but it’s not entirely sad—I think that’s what make certain things more beautiful—that way we’ll cherish things as much as we can in our limited time. And you know what? I’m so grateful to know that I get to experience pure love and happiness fully with you, for ten amazing years. Some people don’t get time that long and some don’t even have a significant other to spend the seconds with, but I get to spend a decade with you, so I’m forever grateful._

 _Maybe I don’t get to know what is it like to grow old, wrinkly, white and be ninety something years old with you… but hey, I do grow ten years older with you. (see what I did there? Hehehe) And as the saying goes, I suppose in life everything comes down to the act of letting go, with the thing that hurts the most is not taking a moment to say good bye. So, even though I don’t want to part with you, ever, it seems like it’s my time to say good bye… in six languages!_ Adieu, au revoir, ciao, auf Wiedersehen, adios, sayonara! _Hehehe. Don’t worry, I know how to say_ hello _again for you in six languages too, later. Because just like what you showed me, you’re home that I know I’ll come back to at the end of the day._

_For now, let my physical presence go—and let memoirs of me come alive in every line of your songs, every strum of your guitar, every beat, rhythm and melody that flows into the harmonies that pour out from your soul. That way you’ll know how I’ll always be there with you. (ok now I’m considering to haunt your grand piano… if it ever dings at midnight, that’s me! And you don’t know, maybe I can be a ghost or something, because even so I’ll still be very much in love with you! I’ll haunt you with so much of my love!)_

_See you on the other side, yeah? I’ll see you again real soon, don’t worry much because we will meet again! Like your saying from the day you proposed to me, we will find each other and marry each other in another life. (properly, this time!), and speaking of marrying you and having another wedding with you, I know you used Ms. Rossetti’s sonnet in your proposal monologue for me! Thank you so much, I learned lots thanks to you._

_And Yeol? Even though we’re separated… it’s not really a farewell after all, because I know I’ll be at home with you soon. I’ll be right here waiting for you._

_I love you so much, Park Chanyeol. Thank you for loving me and taking the chance to love with me. To know one is loved unconditionally is all one can ever really ask of this life._

_Yeol, see you later. Good bye!_

_~~Byun~~ Park Baekhyun  
May 12th, 2017_

Baekhyun’s cursive signature ends the letter, which Chanyeol traces with his thumb and he can feel the familiar grooves of Baekhyun’s handwriting created from the pressure of the pen tip. Right now, he still wishes nothing but for Baekhyun to surge in through the studio’s door—laughing, smiling and healthy—and tell him it’s just another prank, and that it’s alright, he’s there for him. A minute passes, way too fast, as if time is mocking him for still waiting, as his tears silently streams still.

The letter, it tells him how Baekhyun is always true to his words. How Baekhyun really loved him, until the very end. How the words Baekhyun whispered while they were cuddling together in their dark bedroom, with only the glint of the stars and the moon they stole from the night skies in their eyes and the glow of their hearts as their illumination, are all the truth and are now his guidance for what to do at times like this—he must be strong. Even though it seems like the hardest thing to do, he has to _try_.

There’s another smaller page behind the letter that Chanyeol haven’t noticed earlier, and it turns out to be the will Baekhyun wrote about in his letter. He slowly opens the folded page, wondering what kind of will Baekhyun left for him.

_THE WILL OF BAEK-HYUN BYUN_

_WLC. 5692/BC/No. 1127614_

_Legalized under the rightful Law of California State Attorney  
300 S Spring St #1700, Los Angeles, CA 90013, United States of America_

_Transferred to the Seoul General Attorney  
157 Banpo-daero, Seocho-gu, Seoul 06590, South Korea_

_I, BAEK-HYUN BYUN, son of HYUN-SOO BYUN, aged 29 (twenty nine), resident of #34 62-gil Hoegi-dong, Dongdaemun-gu, Seoul, South Korea and 1325 N College Ave #D125, Claremont, CA, USA, declare that this is my last will and testament. I hereby revoke, annul and cancel all wills and codicils previously made by me, either jointly or severally._

_I declare that I am of legal age to make this will, maintain a good health, and that I am sound of mind. This last will expresses my wishes without undue influence or duress; made by me of my own independent decision and free volition. I have not been cajoled or coerced in any manner whatsoever._

_All the following assets to be mentioned below are owned by me. I have full right, complete authority, and absolute power to distribute it evenly over the people or organizations for the right cause I believe in._

_I bequeath 40 (forty) percent of all the treasure owned by me to the Children of Korea orphanage in the hope that no more children suffers the pain of being left alone. I hereby appoint Mr. CHAN-YEOL PARK as the executor and my personal representative._

_I bequeath the last part 40 (forty) percent of all the treasure owned by me to the Seoul National University Oncology Research Center, in the hope that in the future science can finally cure cancer completely. I hereby appoint Ms. SEO-HYUN BYUN as the executor._

_I bequeath every properties and physical objects I owned, whether movable or immovable, that are left in the Byun household [#65 Samjak-ro 302-gil, Wonmi-gu, Bucheon-si, Gyeonggi-do, South Korea], to Mr. HYUN-SOO BYUN and Mrs. AE-RA BYUN._

_Lastly, I bequeath every properties, physical objects, shares, cash in hand and also in certain banks subtracted from the treasures I bequeathed to Children of Korea orphanage and Oncology Research Center, and apartment property title I owned left in my apartment [#34 62-gil Hoegi-dong, Dongdaemun-gu, Seoul, South Korea] to Mr. CHAN-YEOL PARK._

_I declare that I signed this will with full consciousness and witnessed by Ms. SEO-HYUN BYUN and Mr. MIN-SEOK KIM,_

_Mr. BAEK-HYUN BYUN  
May 13th, 2017_

_Authorized by appointed attorney, Mr. Alfonso Cuarón_

Again, Baekhyun’s signature ends the paper. Chanyeol hugs the papers close to his heart and closes his eyes. How he would exchange every single thing he has just to hug Baekhyun again…

Chanyeol finishes reading Baekhyun’s letter and will with a rush of emotions to his heart. He has been denied of the truth for so long, and finally having to know everything feels like seeing the light after living under the darkness for so long. Slowly, understanding dawns on him and every hidden pieces of a giant puzzle of the things happening to him and Baekhyun is finally coming up to the surface, connecting missing links and broken gaps.

What makes Chanyeol want to cry more is that despite everything, despite the burden Baekhyun had to hold, he still managed to be cheerful. He truly is the human depiction of nobility, his unselfish concern and devotion to the welfare of others made him go as far as him abnegated to think of himself only—always thinking of Chanyeol, his family and friends, and others first before himself.

With his own skill Baekhyun cleverly mixed sentimental sentences with witty jokes of his own, the sentences in parentheses and dashes reminding Chanyeol of Baekhyun’s habit to cut off his words, even his own words to add jokes said with his honeyed voice in cheerful tones. His writing manages to soothe Chanyeol’s feelings from reading the full of surprise letter by adding his trademark drawings and emoticons.

The letter could pass as an innocuous letter, since it tells a story in a way an old childhood best friend saying hello after a long time not seeing each other. Evident in the letter are also Baekhyun’s calmness and the reassurances he offers to Chanyeol, when he knew he was in a time when his whole world must be reeling.

Baekhyun has immortalized himself in Chanyeol’s mind—and everyone else’s whose lives Baekhyun had touched—as those atemporal, nostalgic songs all kinds of generation will love, sing, and talk about for years. Baekhyun as a song that incites only happy memories, good days, lemon scents, that speaks of the truest form of love. He left the imprint of his thoughts on Chanyeol and the things he did that influenced and changed the lives of people around him.

Baekhyun’s disposition to show compassion, forgiveness and forbearance; his extreme delicacy and subtlety in thoughts, action, and skill; his conformity to established standards of good and proper behavior and manner; his ability to have faith and see the best of people, even from the people who hurt him in the past. In short? The wonder of Chanyeol’s life.

Even the stars are still not enough to count the goodness Baekhyun did throughout the entire time of his life. Using all the leaves in the world as papers and the water in the ocean as the ink are never enough to write down the many things Chanyeol loves the most from Baekhyun, since his positivity seeps through every crevice of him. He admires Baekhyun’s pure nerve and outstanding courage, since he knows it takes a great deal of bravery to face the things you fear, but a great deal more to confront the true form of fear itself—death and the land of unknown that lies behind it.

The mention of Ms. Rossetti’s sonnet reminds Chanyeol of the day he proposed to Baekhyun… how happy they were that day. He can’t help but for his tears to flood its way out again. The way Baekhyun thanked him for showing the literature piece, when it should be him who thanked Baekhyun, for he learned so, so much even more than just poems and the magic they held. The fact that Baekhyun knows about his little secret manages to make him smile, even though weakly, his Baekhyun knows everything—just like how an intelligent person he was, with his ever-observant eyes never missing a trick.

Chanyeol knows, the responsibility and blame lies with him, and with him alone. The dead weight of guilt lugs him down, burying him under the resentment he feels towards himself. Especially when Baekhyun repeatedly wrote how sorry he was for not being able to tell him about his illness and to survive…

Chanyeol knows apologies mean nothing now, but still he hopes Baekhyun somehow hears him and forgives him. “I’m so sorry, Baekhyun…” he says in a contrite tone, “I’m really sorry…”

He’s liable in this, he unknowingly played a part in the decision Baekhyun chose that might lead to all of this, because Baekhyun did it all because of him. Maybe if Baekhyun doesn’t know about the story about his father he wouldn’t chosen to hide everything from everyone… even though after a second thought, he knows how pure Baekhyun’s heart is, he’s sure Baekhyun would still do it for the sake of him and his family…

He’s really an abject coward compared to Baekhyun. No amount of self-reproaching and deep repentance is enough to show how sorry he is. If possible, he hates himself more than anyone in the world. He’s repulsed by what he did to Baekhyun, and thinking about it brings his headache, nausea, and numbness all coming full force to sweep him off of his feet. He’s wondering how can he still survive and _alive_ after all of that insufferable pain. He should’ve taken Baekhyun’s place instead…

He feels so condemnable and blameworthy to ever think for once about Baekhyun lying purposefully and turning his back on him, or deceiving in any way. He really is unworthy and undeserving of someone as veracious and true-hearted as Baekhyun, who never for once let his trust for him falter, who always hold him with high regards. He even feels sorry for cursing Sehun who might have been just an amiable friend of Baekhyun.

Chanyeol doesn’t know if he ever cried as hard, ever felt more depressed and dreary, ever felt pain as hurtful as this since his father left his family. Today he’s seen the light, but it feels like it’s the light from the freight train coming to crush him down with the truth it carries. Indeed sometimes truth hurts, but he chooses to feel it, to bask in the verity of it. He knows numbing the pain for a while will only make it worse when he finally feels the intense wrath of it.

The pain, it will never end. The struggle to fight, is never a sojourn. Because the pain doesn’t go away, he just makes room for it. His pain is unprecedented, he will always see it as the same troubles that can’t be named in his doorstep knocking his door over and over again. The same way the waves will always come to the shore, they come and go as much as they want, erasing the writings on the sand, waking him up to the cold reality of his loss. With Baekhyun gone, the pain of his loss will always be waiting, hidden at the corner to immobilize him when he lets down his guard.

Even so, in fundamental substantiality of pain, every pain is different, every pain inflicts thousands of different effects on each individual, some pain are meant to scar you forever. His battle with pain is an unending lone war, a bloodshed.

Every intake of his breath is a reminder of the breath Baekhyun will never be able to take. Every ticking of the clock, every passing of the time, is a reminder of the days he will never be able to spend with Baekhyun. He lost his partner in laughing at just anything, in sleeping warmly together side by side on their bed, in hiking and camping out for days, in reading until late at night, in writing songs together at the studio. He lost his partner… in life.

The pain of losing Baekhyun and the good memories with Baekhyun are just like two quirky but interesting stranger he met at the train, sitting side by side with him, accompanying him throughout the rest of the ride home after Baekhyun left at the last station stop, waving and smiling at them.

And it’s okay. They’re all reminders for him to fight, and fight again, and keep on fighting on the edge of war against the pain, for only by then it could be kept at bay, though never quite eradicated. Even though in time to come problems will rush in like ripples, he promises Baekhyun that he will remain—he will endure to last. They’re nothing but ripples in the ocean of his tears he let out today.

Sometimes he asks himself about… how unpredictable and unexplainable the works of fate is? Just like a little kid’s trail of thoughts? Maybe at some point God is just a kid—even the most silent, reticent kid, when you give them a piece of toy or a fluffy doll, you’ll never know if they’ll use it with great care or throw it away as far as they can. Just like in life, no matter how much you abide by the rules or think you’ve obediently done enough good, sometimes things in life can and will either throw you away or send you into something great. He will never know where he will be going.

Chanyeol takes a deep breath. He stays sitting on the floor, unmoving for another moment, listening to his own constant heartbeats. He can see the details: the place is too neat since Baekhyun isn’t there to play pillow fights or jump around with. The space is too silent without his and Baekhyun’s cheery laughter to fill it with. The dots of dust are covering the floor since Baekhyun isn’t around to dance with him. Every spectrum of Baekhyun’s rainbow that used to color the space in both the studio and Chanyeol’s days… is no longer there.

The clock keeps on ticking. How come things still move on, how come time doesn’t slow, when it feels like the end of the world? With Baekhyun gone… somewhere up above the stars a big crack has appeared in the space, the wreckage of his little universe is missing forever—just like the way his heart broke into two halves, for him to never be whole again.

In the drowning silence, he can hear the sound of the wind outside and somehow, despite the still air in the studio and the closed shut windows, he can smell a waft of sugary lemon scent, as if Baekhyun just passed through him…

Chanyeol looks up, his head following the lemon scent trails in the air. Then he sees it.

There’s something under the couch, the one Baekhyun used to sleep on. The thing looks like a flat, rectangular box and seems quite harmless, so without hesitation he slowly reaches his hand under the narrow gap between the couch and the wooden floor. As his fingers touch the edges of the thing, a familiar feeling comes into his mind.

It’s a book. Of course Baekhyun will always leave traces in the form of books strewn everywhere. It’s a bit dusty and Chanyeol understands why.

The book is Katherine Paterson’s 1977 children’s fantasy book, _The Bridge of Terabithia_. It’s about a quiet boy of a family living at a farmhouse and a dashing girl who moved from the city as best friends, together they created a magical place of their own with bricks of imagination; and they were so happy until one of them died an untimely death, leaving the other alone. The story then ended with the boy finally finding ways to cope with the girl’s death.

Baekhyun loved reading the book over and over again, even though he knew how Chanyeol hates it. Not that he hates the story, but it’s because the book contains such a heavy topic for a children’s book: death. To that Baekhyun reasoned that he loved the way Mrs. Paterson tries to make sense for death, something with no sense to kids—even to adults too—in a way for it to be an emotional exercise. Children don’t only need the happily-ever-after of fairy tales, but also the real proper endings—that even the blooming dreams and hope are flowers of yearning, rooted in reality.

Baekhyun then continued that in the process of people trying to shield and protect their feelings from the danger of the many variants of emotions, they tend to stand between their feelings and the emotional skills they need to become self-reliant, to be able to accept and understand. Especially when they grow older and life throws all kinds of color—both the tenebrous and luminescence ones—at them and there is just no way of stopping it. But then again, the idea of letting themselves too open and wandering freely is not easy to hold when they contemplate even the remote possibility of getting their feelings hurt.

Sitting on the wooden floor of the studio, Chanyeol realizes the way Baekhyun enlightened him so much about the different perspectives and aspects of life, even death. He remembers the day Baekhyun asked him about his favorite Dumbledore quote and their talk about death of loved ones… it feels like Baekhyun prepared him long ago, as if he knows how weak his heart can be, and leaves him his ashes and ring because he knows how he almost couldn’t live without him. But he will do what Baekhyun wants him to do—to concede. Conceding to death and the loss it causes does not mean defeat, but to affirm the realness of it and to rise from the rubble stronger than ever.

Chanyeol then realizes he still have one more mystery to uncover, so he walks out of the studio, staggering, to find Minseok.

As Chanyeol walks through the hall, he sees the scenery photo frames he hung on the studio hall’s walls, that Baekhyun took with the Ricoh camera he bought for Baekhyun’s 27th birthday. The photos were phenomenal, with Baekhyun diligently studying photography all by himself. Once he proudly showed the photos he captured and when Chanyeol praised him, he replied how it was thanks to Chanyeol who was his number one motivation to learn, and how Chanyeol was the inspiration behind the pictures as he was always thinking about him when he clicked the shutter release.

Chanyeol finds the bearer of the truth outside at the backside of the building, sitting on one of the cherry red colored benches he set up in the backyard. He remembers it was Baekhyun’s request to have the benches installed just so people can sit there, and enjoy the nature of the mini greenhouse where the small man spent time gardening from Miltonia orchids with its syrupy fragrance to the exceptionally sweet Korean strawberries. He knows how gardening is Baekhyun’s another hobby beside nature photography, and his heart clenches tremendously at the recollections.

Chanyeol takes a breath, steeling himself to face whatever kind of blow and its impact is coming for him. Still standing frozen a few meters, with a weak voice he calls the older man. “Minseok hyung.”

Minseok, who’s previously occupied with his phone, slowly turns his head and stands up from his seat. He can feel the abysmal despondency Chanyeol is trapped in. The tall man standing in front of him with haggard eyes, slumped shoulders, croaked voice, tears streaked face and unreadable expression. Eyes and face red, and if he isn’t mistaken, hands and arms too—as if he banged every surface available. Poorly wiped dried blood is visible too, which adds more concern into the cart. Maybe trying to distract from grief with pain, which worries him so much, but for now he will let the tall man deal with his misery with his own way.

“Chanyeol. I’m so sorry for your loss… for whatever Baekhyun had done, whatever happened between you two, I hope you know that Baekhyun always had you in mind. I want you to know he was fine until the end. I know this doesn’t make you less worried or sad, but he did it all for you, for the both of you.” Minseok says first, picking the words thoughtfully, knowing exactly what Chanyeol is going through—since he too is going through the same thing. And he guessed right, he can’t stand looking at how broken Chanyeol is.

Chanyeol says nothing. He only walks forward to hug Minseok, at first just staying there with his looming figure hunched to embrace the smaller senior, before he finally lets out his silent tears again.

Minseok hugs him back, he feels so sorry for the man who is currently sobbing against his shoulder. But then he realizes the both of them suffer from the same loss—he lost a brother and Chanyeol lost the love of his life. A hot tear rolls down his own cheek before he wipes it quickly, there has to be someone who is strong enough between the both of them and he willingly takes the place for Chanyeol.

“I guess you have finished reading the letter and I need to add some things for you, Baekhyun must have written about it somewhere in the letter.” Minseok says again, going straight to the point, knowing there are millions of question swarming inside Chanyeol’s mind right at the moment.

Again, Chanyeol says nothing, but this time he breaks the hug and again he prepares himself.

In those eyes staring intently at him, Minseok can see that Chanyeol wants him to elaborate further.

“Baekhyun left us exactly at the day after the will is registered. At the night of May 13th.” Minseok begins, trying to drop the information one by one so as to help Chanyeol understand.

Chanyeol gasps at the date Minseok just told him, it’s the same day as the last time he dreamed about Baekhyun and their old memories. Now he knows why at the end of the dream, Baekhyun waved at him before leaving him alone. The possibility that before Baekhyun is gone he somehow managed to say his good bye, they met through the dream even when they were separated so far away with Baekhyun on his hospital bed, thousands miles away from where he was sleeping in their bedroom… his already swollen eyes keep on spilling tears, hindering his vision.

“About Oh Sehun… Chanyeol, you listen carefully to me and try to understand. He does not exist. Oh Sehun is just a character made up by Baekhyun to cover his whereabouts.” Minseok says slowly while he assesses Chanyeol’s reaction, as he knows this information is quite hard to process.

This time Chanyeol almost choked on his own tongue, Sehun not existing? His top guess of all the suspicious things happening to Baekhyun centered around Sehun—even though on the letter Baekhyun denied any Sehun rumors—and with this newfound fact all of his theories are proven wrong.

Chanyeol is about to interrupt him, but Minseok beats him up to it by raising his right hand up. “I’m not done,” he says, “Also at times when Baekhyun said he’s working with Sehun, it’s a code that he’s actually not in his best condition. You know, leukemia takes so much of his energy and he needs to get his meds, treatments.”

Chanyeol is baffled. How is Sehun just a fictional character? “But why—”

“Baekhyun knows that way you won’t delve further, so he can keep you at bay and get his treatments at the same time. It is the only way he deemed impeccable to keep you out of harm’s way. He also knows how you respect his privacy and drew a line between work and private life. He knows you inside out.” Minseok explains, breaking down the details of Baekhyun’s plans that he had discussed for immeasurable hours with the inventor.

“By using Oh Sehun, that way he wouldn’t have any other people to lie to you, in case you decided to ask someone else about what he’s doing or his whereabouts. To him, if someone should carry the burden and the guilt of lying, it should be only him,” Minseok continues after he takes another deep breath, “And even though by creating this Oh Sehun character he knows how it will make you think of things he will never do to you, to him it was better than you knowing about his illness. He even might created an act that made you angry at some point, but I can give witness how he did it all just to keep you away, to keep you safe.”

Chanyeol feels so weak, letting his body to fall back on the bench, his head hanging low between his knees, clasped between his hands. He praises how durable and unyielding Baekhyun is, when he couldn’t even come to terms of losing his father that happened a long time ago, but Baekhyun can formulate lists of what he needs to do in a span of hours after he was diagnosed. He can’t even believe it that Baekhyun still remembered the story about his father he told him years ago. He feels so abashed, his guilt merging with shame. Baekhyun is indeed a stronger and braver man than him…

“I can’t believe he is gone, hyung,” Chanyeol says with enervated voice, his tears still refusing to stop streaming down his face. He’s too worn out from all the crying and the sudden emotion drops. He knows what-ifs are nothing now, but he wishes he had done something and maybe Baekhyun would tell him, and he would do anything he can to prevent death from snatching the life out of Baekhyun. “He was dying and I didn’t know… I wasn’t there to hold his hand at his last moments, I couldn’t say my last good bye… If only I asked or investigated… I should have known and act immediately when I sensed there was something wrong…”

Probably the one thing that stabs right through Chanyeol’s heart is the fact that his Baekhyun _was_ still breathing and _was_ still alive… yesterday. It feels as if he’s missing something so crucial and so important that he can never live his life without just by a split second—he could’ve at least see Baekhyun for one last time.

Back then, Chanyeol thought saying good bye is the hardest thing to do, he once asked himself who was going to say their good bye first if they were ever to broke up… but today he learned not being able to say good bye when Baekhyun is no longer able to see, hear and be with him hurts more than anything.

But then one last question remains, what if he knows about Baekhyun’s illness, will he be able to watch Baekhyun in pain every single day? Will he be able to sit still knowing he can’t do anything to lessen the pain? Will he be able to witness Baekhyun’s last smile and laughter before the light of happiness drains out of his eyes? Will he be able to say his good bye when the time comes? Will he be able to turn his head away from Baekhyun’s lifeless body?

Minseok sits himself next to Chanyeol. He doesn’t know exactly what to reply. Chanyeol’s statements are right, but when things are destined to be like this, there’s nothing they can do, just like the same way there’s no stopping the path of life to end with death, or the way time only goes forward. Even so, for now he lets Chanyeol pour out all the bad and bitter thoughts, ugly assumptions and dire accusations that for once ever lingered or he conjured in the grotto of his mind. Self detoxification.

“You were there in spirit. I know how you’re always thinking of him, keeping his name in your prayers,” Minseok sincerely says at last. He knows how much toil and the length the weeping man before him has gone through just for Baekhyun. “You tried your all to find him, but when Baekhyun decided to gone off radar, there’s nothing you can do. Don’t blame yourself.”

After a few minutes of them just sitting next to each other, watching the dried leaves fly away blown by the soft wind, the last parts of Baekhyun’s letter passes through Chanyeol’s mind. Even though it’s hard and he has fallen for so many times with each fall creating an impact that breaks his heart, he has to try to rise again, stand again. Through his shipwreck he hears Baekhyun’s call—he needs to be brave. Otherwise he disgraces Baekhyun. Otherwise Baekhyun is gone for nothing. Otherwise he will never be able to forgive himself.

“Hyung, thank you. For being there for him when I couldn’t.” Chanyeol says after a while, his sobs reduced into shaky breaths. He reflects on Minseok’s words, he did try his all—he telephoned everyone who might know Baekhyun or where he is, drove for miles to cities and districts he thought might be the man’s hiding place, he even considered to put up missing person posters and reporting to the police.

“It’s okay, Chanyeol. How are you feeling? Are you feeling a bit better now?” Minseok says, putting his hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder, gently patting him. He smiles a little, he finally finished Baekhyun’s task for him, and he hopes Baekhyun can see them from up there.

Chanyeol doesn’t really know how to reply, judging from the massive but slightly calmed down flood of emotions that’s still rising and falling everywhere inside him right now. So all he says is, “I’m trying to be, hyung.”

If there’s one way to describe what Chanyeol actually feels like, the correct one would be the sky on cloudy days; winds and heavy rain create big gaping holes everywhere on the clouds, but that’s alright, because from those holes, streams of sunlight can finally pass through to the earth. After all his rain of tears, Chanyeol has found solace, ending and closure—everything has come into full circle.

Today’s skies aren’t lying to him. The bright sun is there to help him, to shed a light and gently pats a warm hand upon him. The birds are flying to lift him up, to ascend, to help him start again a little higher just so he can see the spark among the sea of grey. The cloudless, crystalline blue sky is mirroring his clear mind, transparent from any doubts and dark thoughts.

But Chanyeol knows he still has one more thing to do, it’s going to be hardest one he will ever do, but he’ll try. So he stands up and turns to fully face Minseok again. “Let’s go, hyung.”

“Um, where to, Chanyeol?” Minseok asks, confused by the sudden request.

“To wherever Baekhyun is, hyung,” Chanyeol replies instantly as he walks over to the greenhouse Baekhyun loved to tend so much. Somehow he wants to water the plants, maybe he’ll find a trace of Baekhyun there. “To bring him back home.”

Minseok nods and opens up his phone, setting up the tickets for their flight to California. Then he glances towards the tall man standing not far from him, with a small smile on his face as he waters the Korean strawberry bushes in the greenhouse. He’s relieved to see Chanyeol seems okay. “Right away, Chanyeol.”

“Thank you, hyung.” Chanyeol replies, inhaling the fresh lemon and mint scents he just realized Baekhyun had planted too—he does find Baekhyun again. And just like all the magic Baekhyun brought to his life, just from that he can feel his heart warming. Then, Baekhyun’s favorite poem, The Guest House by Rumi, comes into his mind again.

 _Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as guide, from beyond_.

Baekhyun told him it was the last line of the poem, the line that touched his heart way deep down. Just like a house, every visitor that comes to your life, be it a person or an event, each one of them is sent from up above to guide you, to help you carve the path of your life and what you will be. Chanyeol remembers the pure, sincere smile Baekhyun gave him after he said that line, and Baekhyun told him that he was exactly the guidance he needed, an unexpected and invaluable one—and he was grateful for Chanyeol coming into his life, bringing colors of joy.

Chanyeol smiles. The memory reminds him that Baekhyun is too, an unexpected visitor who guides and brings awareness into his life. The heaven have sent him an angel, to fight all the demons.

That night, for the first time in months, Chanyeol is finally able to sleep, soundlessly. There are still things he has to think about, but he can finally set them aside and rest his mind at ease. There are still tears wetting his pillows, but it’s all happy tears because Baekhyun is free from all the pain that rankled him. He’s only sleeping all by himself, but somehow he feels like he’s not alone. Because that night, he dreamed of an especial Byun Baekhyun with healthy rosy cheeks and wide smiles, waving and laughing at him from the wreath of clouds above, through their bedroom ceilings that somehow opened to the moonlit night, telling jokes about who’s taller now.

The convalescence of Chanyeol’s heart and frame of mind will take years and the reestablishment of his emotional state will never be speedy. It takes more than just strength to find his peace of mind after all of that’s happened and he knows he will never be the same.

But with him finally knowing both sides of the tale, all of the unsaid things out in the open, and the start of the slow but sure flow of understanding, he hopes acceptance will come alongside the panacean time, and he will be able to try to dig deep within him to find the resilience to carry on.

He won’t repeat his mistakes, he will take his time to heal—he has all the time in the world to do just that.

So when he wakes up again at midnight to stare long at the waning gibbous moon, with the windows of their bedroom opened and his tears long dried, to the night sky up above Chanyeol whispers, “Baekhyun… wait for me just a little bit longer, okay? I’m almost there, I promise I’ll bring you back home.”

***

**July 4th, 2017  
Claremont, California, US  
08.12 PM**

Chanyeol tries to breathe.

He has been staying at California, at the Byun household, for three weeks now. He tells everyone he’s there to accompany Baekhyun’s family, but personally he also needs to be there, to be at the last place Baekhyun is.

His original intention for the trip is to let Baekhyun go, but it’s been a month and he adheres into him the more he thinks of him. He admits he feels like a lone buoy skimming the inert sea with no aim. Baekhyun is supposed to be his prudent pathfinder, to guide him as he leads the way. But now that Baekhyun’s gone he feels like his journey is over, as if he’s back to square one.

Minseok already went back home not long after he accompanied Chanyeol to California for the first time, saying he has work to do back at Seoul. Chanyeol thanked him for helping Baekhyun and him find their peace, and the quiet senior wisely smiled and hugged him before he entered the boarding gate and got onto the airplane that would bring him back to South Korea, saying it’s an honor to be their close friend, to be their succor, and to witness something so pure.

A week before Chanyeol went to California, he went to Seoul National Hospital to meet Doctor Jongdae. He thanked the doctor and told him Baekhyun’s story, which made the seemingly tough doctor to shed a tear. There he also finally checked himself to an internist the oncologist recommended and ran through a full medical check-up. Apparently his headache and nausea were all caused by high level of cortisone from the chronic stress he was having. The long-term activation of his body’s stress-response system disrupted almost all of his body’s processes, hence the fainting, neuralgia and hands twitching condition he developed.

Junmyeon was informed of the news of Baekhyun’s passing right before Chanyeol and Minseok’s flight to California. They met in front of Incheon airport’s departure gate, with the boss silently crying on Chanyeol’s shoulder, whispering apologies for not noticing it too, despite seeing Baekhyun almost every day of the week. Chanyeol told him it was no one’s fault, it was something that happened beyond their control and they have to accept. They hugged for so long, only stopped by the departure time of Chanyeol’s flight.

Chanyeol’s family is as always understanding for him. His brother offered to visit him at California, but he knew how his brother was busy with his gallery work, so he told him it was okay for him to just stay at Paris. As for his mother, she understood his decision to stay awhile there, fully well knowing how delicate and gentle her son’s heart is and the loss of his other half must have close to broke him beyond repair, that only time will be able to fix.

As for Chanyeol’s studio, he had picked a second in command among some of his trusted crews, a fire-red haired prodigious music engineer called Lu Han to be his chief operations officer and to help him run the place. He’s talented, almost as good as Chanyeol, with great qualities of him being a diligent and hardworking person. And he’s also the only candidate that passed the tests Chanyeol gave him with a perfect score. Lu Han is also true to his words, so Chanyeol trusts him.

The day he met Baekhyun’s family after he landed at LAX with Minseok was a very emotional day—Chanyeol hugging Baekhyun’s mother and Seohyun, crying together while Minseok and Baekhyun’s father watched from the side. They had gone home straight after that, with Mr. Cuarón waiting to have Chanyeol read the original document of Baekhyun’s last will.

Reading again the content of Baekhyun’s will and his last wish for half of his ashes to be delivered to Chanyeol in a simple, small vessel made him feel so overwhelmed. The stream of his tears were prolonged when Seohyun presented him his own grey Supreme hoodie that Baekhyun took secretly, and told him how Baekhyun had always have it with him wherever he went. And upon bringing the clothing to his nose he could smell the strong, familiar lemon scent that could only come from Baekhyun.

Baekhyun stated in his will that Chanyeol is free to do whatever he wants to with his ashes. Baekhyun even left another surprise for him, handed by the amused cremator in the form of a harmless looking blue Post-It pasted on his ashes glass jar: _hi, Yeol. We meet again. Have fun playing with my ashes! I love you._ He almost laughed at the way Baekhyun telling him to have fun before he completely broke down kneeling at the floor at his first touch of Baekhyun’s ashes, unable to believe that those are the remains of his long-lost fiancé.

But so far, Chanyeol doesn’t know what to do with the ashes except to always keeping it on his line of sight and bringing it everywhere he goes, even to under his blanket when he’s sleeping, alongside his hoodie to inhale Baekhyun’s scent to help him sleep. He doesn’t want anything to come between him and Baekhyun again.

For now, it’s a night loud with colors. Chanyeol is sitting on the front veranda of the Byun’s household, sitting cross-legged on the palatial wooden swing with a thick knitted wool blanket draped over him to shield him from the night’s cold bite. He’s accompanied by Baekhyun’s ashes’ glass jar sitting next to him with a notebook and a pencil in his hands.

The other three Byun family members are inside. He can hear Seohyun conversing with Mrs. Byun about the chocolate cake recipe that she, he and Baekhyun love; the clinking sounds of Mrs. Byun’s stainless steel cooking tray against the oven at the kitchen baking chocolate stuffed goods alongside its gossamery sweet aroma; and the all too familiar sound of a gramophone’s stylus walking on the vinyl record that plays the 80’s songs Mr. Byun loves.

Along his stay at the Byun’s, Chanyeol feels at home. All the three Byuns that he has considered as a part of his own family since years ago are always keeping him company and helping him to stand when come visiting him the days where the sadness of losing Baekhyun are trying to isolate him and make him fall into the depths of despair. With the way they have different pieces of Baekhyun living inside them, as if they were a mosaic of Baekhyun, they understand he needs a place and some time to be alone even without him saying a word, and that’s what they’ve been providing him.

For the past weeks in California and along his stay at the Byun’s, he has been trying to compose something, but he can only manage to write one song and it’s only half finished. For days he can’t finish the song, like there’s something he completely forgotten, as if he has some sort of thing important enough that he’s left undone and it’s bugging his mind so much.

In the short span of the seemingly uncountable days, Chanyeol has felt, and is still feeling, lots of things. To say he’s on a rollercoaster of emotion is an understatement, at least in a conventional rollercoaster ride he’s entitled to go through certain tracks, albeit the one round trip being full of up and down loops. For him it’s more like bungee jumping from the highest point on earth and he’s only strapped onto the even ground with an elastic band around his ankles. Gravity dragging him down so low he’s close to getting stabbed by the pointed boulders at the bottom and in the next second the centripetal force pulls him up back so high, all in a trajectory full of unexpected turns and twists. He just wants to scream, but he can’t.

It’s like Chanyeol keeps on going back and forth between denial and acceptance, keeps on trying to come to terms with reality, but every time, a part of him still refuses to acknowledge a reality where Baekhyun doesn’t exist anymore. He cried at times, stopped, distracted himself, but then usually a second later a thought of Baekhyun came up and the tears would start mocking him again—this probably will go on and on for quite a long period and he honestly doesn’t know until when.

So in his case, as an attempt to replace the tears and the screams, he writes a song, for Baekhyun.

As the night air slips past him, he takes a look at his jumbled writings.

_Flock of birds hovering above  
Just a flock of birds  
That’s how you think of, love  
And I always look up to the sky  
Pray before the dawn  
‘Cause they fly always  
Sometimes they arrive  
Sometimes they are gone_

_Flock of birds hovering above  
Into smoke I’m turned and rise, following them up  
Still I always look up to the sky  
Pray before the dawn  
‘Cause they fly away  
One minute they arrive  
Next you know they're gone_

Chanyeol scratches his head with the rubber eraser end of his pencil. There seems to be no distraction, but he just can’t finish the song. Tired and having a mild writer’s block, he gives up and chooses to inspect the scenes in front of his eyes.

As always in the fourth of July, almost all Americans are outside their houses celebrating the day of America’s unity and freedom, to commemorate the first publication of Declaration of Independence from the Great Britain back in 1776. Everyone is out with friends and families, the night chirping birds who seem to come and go, the smell of barbecues and nighttime picnics at the backyard, patriotic songs playing from the radio, joyful shouts from the kids running around the bonfire, the buzz of the parents watching over their children and chatting over champagne, wine and beer alike, dinner on wooden long table at the patio, bright and loud flashes of fireworks coloring the sky.

The front oak door creaks open, Mrs. Byun comes out to the veranda holding a tray with a cup of hot chocolate and a plate of chocolate chip cookies, placing it next to Chanyeol. “Chanyeol? I have some night snacks for you here. Eat up and fill your stomach with something warm, alright?”

“You don’t have to, but thank you, Mrs. Byun.” Chanyeol replies, smiling as he helps her setting down the tray on the wooden swing’s spacious seat.

“You’re welcome, Chanyeol,” Mrs. Byun smiles. Then she throws a look at the neighboring houses. “It’s a festive night, isn’t it? Don't you love festivals? Days dedicated for people to celebrate many, many things. Even to celebrate death.” With one last meaningful glance at the sky, she disappears inside the house, leaving Chanyeol to his own once again.

Chanyeol takes a sip of the hot chocolate. It’s sweet, and as it pours down into his throat, he feels the warmth in his body restored. He takes a bite of chocolate chip cookies next, and it tastes good. It reminds him of Mrs. Byun’s fondness of baking for him, Baekhyun, and Seohyun a variety of bread, cakes and cookies, and they all always taste so delicious.

As he munches the cookies and takes more grateful sips of the hot drink, he contemplates Mrs. Byun’s sentences. Celebrate death? It seems like an impossible thing to do. He wonders if his mind and heart will ever be able to dare an attempt to fathom the ocean trench of wisdom by exposing himself to truly face and feel the pain the truth of losing the one he loves the most brings, and swim back up to reach the point of the calm surface of the sea where he can celebrate, despite the sadness of his loss? Only time can tell.

Then, a beautiful idea crosses his mind. The plan hasn’t formed completely yet, but he’ll figure it out soon enough.

At least, now Chanyeol knows how to get both him and Baekhyun back home.

***

**July 6th, 2017  
Los Angeles, California, US  
07.56 AM**

The Los Angeles International Airport is, as always, busy.

As the home of flocks of aluminum, stainless steel birds flying people to and from places, across and around the world, where in every second a herd of people comes and in the next another herd leaves, the word busy is still not enough to express the airfield and its commotion.

In the unstoppable turns of people coming and leaving, it’s Chanyeol’s turn to leave the US and the American Dream it offers under the shadows of the sitting Statue of Abraham Lincoln. He only brings along with him a luggage and a backpack. He’s wearing the grey Supreme hoodie Baekhyun took under his coat, and the lemon scent still lingers, mixing with his own mint scent. It feels like he has Baekhyun in his arms again, tagging along with him to come home.

Everywhere Chanyeol sees people in different pictures. Some are hugging each other tightly, tearing up silently on the shoulders of their loved ones, dreading the moment the words of good byes has to be said. Some other are hugging each other tightly too, but with exclamations of happiness from seeing their loved ones after so long. It’s almost magical, mystifying, and mysteriously enchanting, to sit back, blurring into the crowd and see farewell and hello said in the same time, captured in the same frame.

To Chanyeol, airports and train stations are like miniatures of life. In a way, death and birth are just like departure and arrival in the airports and stations of the temporary life. And the events of people who come and go are just a gentle breeze compared to the tempest of life, just like how their lives are but specks of dust falling through the fingers of time. Like the whirlwind drops of sands inside the hourglass, so are the days of their lives.

The concept and the Socrates quote are just another thing Baekhyun taught him, during their people-watching times when they were walking arm in arm to their favorite picnic place at the city park, or when they were waiting for their departure time on their surprise trip from the rolling roulette overseas trip game Chanyeol devised.

The truth of the words felt like nothing much back then, but now he’s more aware of it, as he’s alone with no Baekhyun beside him. How now he’s playing his part as another speck only passing through, carried by the wind.

He told Baekhyun’s family about his plan to go back to Seoul the next morning after the night he spent experiencing his first Fourth of July festivities. They respected his decision and talked about his departure over breakfast, helping him buying the tickets, with him sitting on Baekhyun’s chair. He told them not to see him off, and it’s okay if he goes alone since he doesn’t want to bother their schedules, but just like Baekhyun’s stubborn mind, all three insisted to come along with him to the airport. So Seohyun drove the car and all four of them chatted lightly throughout the drive.

Now there they are, standing in front of the boarding gate at the Tom Bradley International Terminal. Chanyeol glances at the electronic board showing departure times, his Korean Air flight is set to take off in twenty minutes from now, he should hurry. An announcement saying his flight is on its last call for passengers wakes the quartet up. It’s time to bid their adieus.

Mrs. Byun has been holding his hands throughout the journey to the departure hall, and now that Chanyeol is leaving soon, her grip on his hands only grows tighter. The warmth of her hands is so familiar, so comforting, he almost didn’t want to let go. She smiles at him, and he can’t help to see Baekhyun’s smile on hers. 

“Chanyeol, thank you for taking care of Baekhyun. Thank you for staying with us,” Mrs. Byun says as she rubs her nose, sniffling and trying to hide her tears. “I will miss you so much.”

“Mrs. Byun, don’t cry,” Chanyeol hushes, squeezing her hands to soothe her. Just like her son, Baekhyun’s mother is a strong-willed and a very softhearted person. He knows how she regards him as her own son since years ago, and in turn he also regards her as his mother too. “I’ll be back to visit again soon.”

“Chanyeol,” Mr. Byun walks up to him and pats his back in the most fatherly way that Chanyeol never know he needs. His smile reminds Chanyeol of a father figure he misses so much. “We’ll be here for you anytime, thank you for everything you’ve done for our son.”

“Thank you, Mr. Byun. Baekhyun did his all for me and all I can do is to give back just as much, and even more than that.” Chanyeol says humbly. He sees the same calming, sweet swirls of hot chocolate eyes Baekhyun had in his father’s eyes, only this time there are specks of matured bitterness of strong coffee, as should experienced eyes who has been through everything be.

“Thank you, Chanyeol. We’ll see each other soon,” Mr. Byun smiles. Then from behind his back, he presents Chanyeol a flat, square shaped package neatly wrapped with brown paper. “This is for you. Take care of yourself, son.”

The next is Seohyun, also smiling. She walks closer to Chanyeol as she takes the package Mr. Byun gave him and inserts it inside a white canvas bag that she hands over to him. Then she looks at him in the eyes. “I’ll see you soon, Chanyeol,” and from Seohyun, he also gets the same tight bear hug Baekhyun always gave him. Somehow, as if she knows his plan, while she lets go of the hug and fixes the collar of his coat, she whispers on his left ear, “Say our good bye for him too, will you?”

As Chanyeol watches Seohyun walking back to her parents, the word echoes in his mind. Good bye. Will he ever be able to part from Baekhyun, to say his last final good bye for once and forever? It’s a question he continues to ask himself and to seek the answer of.

The Byuns then take turns in hugging him, with each hug feeling just like Baekhyun’s hugs; all the same warmth, tight grip and comfort it induces. When Chanyeol turns back one last time before he enters the aerobridge that connects the airport terminal gate to the parked aircraft, from far away and through layers of transparent glass, he sees them all huddled, smiling and waving at him.

As he fastens his seatbelt after boarding the aircraft and sitting on his assigned seat, Chanyeol can’t help but smile, the love Baekhyun has is still streaming strong for him even after he’s gone. And since then… he never felt so loved.

***

**July 8th, 2017  
Seoul, South Korea  
03.21 PM**

Chanyeol is back.

Back at home? He’s not exactly sure himself, when he doesn’t even know where home is now, with the definition of home has turned so fuzzy for him, and the person he used to think wherever they are is his home is not with him anymore.

But he’s back, and it’s summer. Summer at Seoul or summer at California, he doesn’t feel much difference.

When Chanyeol first landed and set his foot on the Korean lands he felt his knees weakening. Thick in his mind is only the thought of how he won’t be coming back to the apartment with Baekhyun waiting for him. The only thing that kept him walking through the arrival hall was the weight of Baekhyun’s ash jar on his backpack that gave him the feeling as if he had Baekhyun on his back, as if he was only giving Baekhyun a piggyback ride. But one glance over his shoulder only showed him the lump of the ashes glass jar inside his backpack… and it reminded him that Baekhyun is not with him anymore.

He thought he has no one left now, completely alone. But to his surprise, he had a crowd for him, and there were five people waiting for him at the arrival gate: his mother, Minseok, Junmyeon, Kyungsoo and Jongin; each one gave him a tight, round hug the first time they saw him.

Even with his busy schedule, Minseok came to see him. The brief pats on his back and a smile from Minseok somehow managed to transfer all the emotion they shared, along with the sense of strength for him. It all reminded him of the day Minseok delivered Baekhyun’s letter a few months ago.

Junmyeon was next. The boss pulled him into a hug, whispered words of encouragement and promises to always be there for him, and after he let go, Chanyeol saw him trying to wipe his tears. He knew how close the boss is to Baekhyun.

Jongin and Kyungsoo only just found out the news about Baekhyun a day ago, after Chanyeol thought it was the time to let them know. Jongin cried on his shoulders, with Kyungsoo hugging the both of them to try hiding his own tears. They released their hugs after Jongin’s sobs had reduced and Kyungsoo managed to wipe his tears. _I hope all of us, especially you, will find solace in the loss we have sustained_ , was all Kyungsoo said, to which Chanyeol could only nod and hope for the same.

Only when he was embraced in his mother hug did Chanyeol cry. He poured all of the pent-up emotions he has, silently asking for help. His mother hugged him tight as they talked through their hearts when words had failed to render what he had in his mind, all the while her hands caressing her son’s hunched figure.

Before he left for California, Chanyeol stored his truck at Incheon Airport to be handled by the car park service, even though Minseok advised him to leave it at the apartment since the service fee is quite expensive. But to him, driving his own truck felt more calming than sitting at the back of a random taxi. So after saying good bye to his friends, he drove his mother home, and then back to the apartment.

Being back, there are times when Chanyeol can’t differentiate the past and the present.

Throughout Chanyeol’s drive back to the apartment, he kept having the sense of Baekhyun sitting next to him in the passenger seat, the view seemed so real. But no matter how many times he turned his head to check, the seat stayed empty, and that it was just moving rays of sunshine coming through the truck’s windows that tricked his eyes.

So now there Chanyeol is, in front of the apartment’s door. No matter how much he tries to detain it, again his tears come. He’s so used to call it _their_ apartment, _their_ home… his and Baekhyun’s.

The first time Chanyeol opens the apartment’s door, out of habit he yells _I’m home!_ to announce his arrival. But after waiting for a whole one minute standing in front of the door with a smile on his face and a hope in his heart that falter in every second that passes, no one answers him—no one running to him to jump into his arms and hug him breathless. Only by when the emptiness is stuffing his lungs for too much, he remembers Baekhyun is not with him anymore.

A week before the departure to LA, Minseok helped him rearranging everything. Not that he was lazy or couldn’t organize things to their correct places himself, it’s just that every time he picked a thing—may it be a piece of clothing, a book, a vinyl record, or even the mugs—memories of Baekhyun flooded him again, its flow persistent and uninterrupted. And those alone were enough to bring him down to his knees, tears finding its way out of his eyes incessantly.

When Chanyeol was sorting things at his and Baekhyun’s bedroom, inside the drawer of the bedside table he found a little notebook where Baekhyun wrote everything he needs on it, from where he placed their important documents and, their bank accounts’ details, even to the smallest thing like where he kept Chanyeol’s favorite pair of socks and reminders in form of sweet words and cute doodles for Chanyeol to stay happy. It’s like Baekhyun prepared itineraries and complete guide of essential requirements for him to continue the journey of his life after he’s not by his side anymore. The fact that the date shown on the first page is one day after he got diagnosed, as if Baekhyun knew he wouldn’t be around for too long… Chanyeol just exploded, with Minseok crouching next to him trying to calm him down.

The place, after Chanyeol left it empty and uninhabited for two months, is quite dusty. He sneezes on his third step into the vacant space. It reminds him of when Baekhyun let out a fair amount of sneezing because of his dust allergy during their first visit after they bought the place. The memory makes him want to laugh, but the absence of the person and the happiness he usually brings lock his jaw tight.

Throughout the time he’s walking around the apartment’s space, he has the lights off and curtains closed, only turning one central lamp to help him find his way around and letting himself drown deep in the sea of the apartment’s darkness—the absence of illumination mirroring his empty heart. But then he remembers the day when Baekhyun told him how they always have the power to create happiness, that it was his choice to piece his own puzzles of happiness—how happiness can be found even in the darkest time, if only one remembers to turn on the light.

So at the end he turns on the light, letting the lamps restore the warmth of colors everywhere and letting his eyes to see more of their apartment. Maybe this way he’ll start to find his happiness again… maybe.

The fluffy couch where they used to cuddle and lazy around, the gramophone that used to play their happy songs, their bedroom where they used to share their dreams in their sleep and make love, the Imperial Bösendorfer grand piano where they used to relive the love stories hidden inside hundred years old compositions, and the kitchen where they used to cook and bake with their love. Touching the surfaces of each place that once was his and Baekhyun’s playground, each thing that used to be the silent witness of their everyday laughter, and every corner of their apartment that was graced with their feet dancing and running around… he wants to smile, but at the same time he just wants to let all of his tears out.

There’s a dull pain in his heart but this time he doesn’t need any doctor to diagnose him—he simply misses Baekhyun so much.

To direct his mind somewhere else, Chanyeol starts to unpack his luggage and backpack. His luggage only contains clothes and stuff he brought from Seoul two months ago. He pulls out some of the dirty ones, putting it aside to wash them later. He takes out his things and walks back and forth between his luggage and the rooms to retrieve them to their original places. All he does with deafening silence screaming on his ears.

Next, he moves to his backpack. The first thing that he withdraws from it, is Baekhyun’s ashes glass jar.

Actually, he went through airport security after requesting a special permit to carry the ashes by showing legitimate certificates needed, with the box containing Baekhyun’s ashes glass jar safely wrapped in airtight plastic and sealed with fireproof cover. He didn’t have the heart to put the box on his luggage, so he carried it with him on his backpack, the scant weight and the slight feel of the sharp edges of its confining box on his lap calmed down his nerves during the flight back to Incheon.

Even though Baekhyun’s ashes is on his hands already, and he knows Baekhyun let him do whatever he wants with it, he still doesn’t know what to do with it. Or maybe he knows, but he’s still reluctant to let Baekhyun go.

Chanyeol then pulls out a white canvas bag Seohyun gifted for him before he left. Looking inside, he finds lots of American themed merchandises, the usual tourists’ favorites: a white shirt with a cartoon of the patriotic American bald eagle drawn in the front, a coffee mug, a Statue of Liberty key chain and a desk miniature of the US flag. It seems like Seohyun still remember his and Baekhyun’s hobby to collect souvenirs from places they traveled to. He’s about to laugh, thinking how Baekhyun would like to have these added to their collections. But as he turns around to show it to Baekhyun, he only sees the apartment’s empty space that forces him to realize Baekhyun is not with him anymore.

The American flag against the black sky among the flashes of colorful fireworks Chanyeol watched briefly in the Byun’s household front veranda back at LA on July 4th comes into view. It reminds him of his unfinished plan back then, the one that will get him and Baekhyun home.

Truthfully, Chanyeol’s mind is still in the dead end at trying to complete the plan. So for now, to find something to do and distract his mind, he decides to place the souvenirs Seohyun bought him in the glass shelves.

Chanyeol glances at the glass shelves, placed next to their reading corner where he put lots of merchandises and souvenirs from cities and countries he and Baekhyun visited together. From beer glasses, ceramic plates, porcelain cups, and unique key chains to limited edition collectibles. There are still some space left on the lowest shelf, and carefully he places the Statue of Liberty keychain and the miniature of the American flag next to the kangaroo quilt doll and porcelain miniature of the Sydney Opera House he and Baekhyun bought from their vacation at Australia.

At the bottom of the glass shelves, there is a small square drawer. Chanyeol tries to pull it open, but it’s locked. Easily he reaches up to the top of the shelves and finds the key hidden on the edge of its roof. It’s another Baekhyun’s idea, since he knows Chanyeol sometimes forgets where the keys are. Baekhyun is like those mothers who somehow always find the things their kids are looking for. He wants to laugh, but the fact that Baekhyun is not with him anymore—to help remind him where the keys are when he lost it and where his heart is when Baekhyun took it away when he left him—takes the sound before he can make it.

Opening the drawer, Chanyeol finds two of Baekhyun’s cameras: the Ricoh GR II, which he bought for Baekhyun’s 25th birthday, and the newest Leica Q, his last year’s Christmas gift.

The Ricoh one looks more worn than the shiny Leica. Ricoh was there for all of their adventures, which some of them are a few of their trips to some of South Korea’s national parks. Chanyeol knows the memory card inside the Leica camera is empty, because he remembers clearly when Baekhyun placed the camera in the drawer after he gave it to him on Christmas, and after that they drifted apart and Baekhyun didn’t get a chance to use it…

But for Ricoh’s, he knows it’s full. Out of curiosity, he places in Ricoh’s battery, checking its availability. The battery seems to be alright, still fully charged, even after months of it unused, thanks to Baekhyun’s careful and continuous maintenance.

Chanyeol is just about to turn off the Ricoh camera, finger already hovering above the off button, when his thumb accidentally presses the gallery button.

There Chanyeol sees their latest trip: the Jirisan ridge hike. By far it’s their longest and most adventurous hike, a whooping two days almost full with hiking, ten hours on trail each day to completely cover all peaks at Jirisan National Park. They went on the journey at spring, during Baekhyun’s 28th birthday two years ago, going through 42 kilometers and spending 21 hours of hiking full of deep talks, cheeky jokes and unforgettable moments.

Hiking is another thing Baekhyun introduced to his life—next to classical compositions and long-lived Victorian poets. Baekhyun’s love of hiking and nature photography is strong until it got into Chanyeol’s list of hobbies too, Baekhyun even collected the passport stamps from the Korean National Park Service, just like the way he collected vinyl records and valuable first copies. 

Chanyeol remembers Baekhyun telling him that this one is a something he had actually planned but never executed before, having no partner to hike. But after meeting Chanyeol, everything was set into play. So, South Korea and all of its glorious mountains and marine national parks in Baekhyun’s list were all automatically adapted into Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s list of playgrounds, and they pinky promised to be comrades defeating all mountain summits, together.

Chanyeol flicks through the photos, thumb wavering from the cloudburst of memories. 

Them boarding the night train at Hoegi KTX train station to go to Hwaeomsa Temple at Gurye, their starting point. Them posing at the gate of Jirisan National Park at 6 AM, Chanyeol’s sleepy face against Baekhyun’s cheery one laughing at him, with their bulging 50L backpacks in tow, headlamps on their hands. The sun waking up from its sleep to shine on them and the enthralling transition of the color of the leaves from spring to summer, lower plains thick with green forest and higher plains were covered by the bluish green alpine vegetation, as they ascend to 1200 meters elevation after seven kilometers of hiking at the Nogodan Pass. Them taking a small rest, sitting on the small rocks they found on the edge of tree-lined trails.

Chanyeol remembers when he and Baekhyun cuddled and kissed under the big red blanket at the train. Then the Nogodan Pass, they were lucky to start hiking early to reach the Pass when it was displaying a sea of snow white clouds, their elevation making it looked like they had ascended into a place with blankets of clouds below their feet; the sight of clouds made Baekhyun so happy and grinning so big it also made Chanyeol happy. Baekhyun also had discovered some brightly colored royal azaleas and rhododendrons blossoming, plucked two of the flowers and slipped it behind their ears, laughing cheerily.

Chanyeol continues to flick through the photos. 

The flock of hikers starting from Seongsamjae Pass, which is another entrance point to reach the summit. The sage green Nogodan Peak against the blue sky, a picture Baekhyun took from far away, since they opted to hike the peak because they agreed it was a lesser peak than the other peaks. Them smiling at the 1734 meters high of Banyabong Peak after a forty minutes detour from their main track, with Baekhyun wanting to scale the sixth highest peak. Them having their lunch after seven hours into the hike, admiring the view of the green mountains above the clear blue sky from 1750 meters above sea level—their cheeks bulging with food. Them posing with tired smiles with the dipping afternoon sun as their background when they finally reached their place for the night at the Yeonhacheon Shelter. An embarrassing photo of him sleeping with his eyes open that Baekhyun took secretly.

Chanyeol chuckles, he remembers Baekhyun hugging his peak passport as they hiked the steep steps leading to Banyabong Peak, and how he himself had been so tired but seeing Baekhyun smile made him walk again, and the view was worth the hard labor up. The stay at Yeonhacheon Shelter was also a memorable one, where the crowded place made Baekhyun to slip inside Chanyeol’s sleeping bag instead of his, the comfort of their warmth combined enough to drown the rowdy chats from other hikers and got them some sleep.

Next, come more photos. 

Their sleepy faces at 5 AM again with headlamps on their hands, ready for start day two of hiking, hitting the pitch-black trail. The dark blue slopes of the Jirisan mountain against the sky at dawn. Them taking ten minutes of rest to watch the sunrise that brought smiles to their faces. Them eating ramen after they reached Byeoksoryeong Shelter, sitting with coffee mugs close to their faces, surrounded by the spring foliage. Them at Yeongshinbong Peak, again a detour as Baekhyun wanted to reach its 1651 meters elevation, which got them at the tenth highest peak. Them posing at Seseok Shelter with the summit, the Cheonwangbong Peak, behind them, their faces bright as they were closer to their destination. Them posing with their hands up in the air on yet another Baekhyun inspired detour at Yeonhabong Peak and its 1667 meters of ninth highest peak.

Chanyeol remembers how grateful he was when they reached Byeoksoryeong Shelter, finally eating and drinking leisurely. And how Baekhyun practically jumped up and down, almost dragging Chanyeol to continue hiking without stopping at the sight of the summit when they reached Seseok Shelter. How Baekhyun loved so much being up high in the air, just like he was destined to live at the skies…

Brushing off a tear, Chanyeol continues again. 

Baekhyun’s fascinated face that he took as he posed next to a view of some low-lying clouds under refuge of the rippled mountains. Them having another detour at Cheotdaebong Peak and its 1703 meters of eighth highest peak—Baekhyun smiling so happily they made it to so many peaks at the top ten list and how close they were to the summit. Them taking rest, sitting side by side and straightening their legs at Jangteomok Shelter, only 1.7 kilometers left before the summit. Chanyeol’s self-video with Baekhyun running to the post sign saying they’ve reached the summit behind him, their laughter so loud. Them doing celebratory jump and drinking love shot next to the stone sign of the 1915 meters high peak, the sun slowly melting behind them. Them hugging each other, ruffled hair and sweat on their bodies be damned.

Again, the tears are there to be the only thing that accompanied him in his silence and solitude.

“Baekhyun…” Chanyeol whispers, thumb grazing the screen of the camera, over his and Baekhyun’s victorious faces. He didn’t make it; he couldn’t get Baekhyun to all the national parks in their list. He remembered his promise to get Baekhyun back to Seoraksan’s summit, and how he can’t accomplish that too. “I’m sorry. I broke another promise…”

Chanyeol passes through the photos of them at the summit, each extracts a particular essence of memory. He’s just going to go through the photos of when they were descending the trail back when he accidentally put the gallery into thumbnail mode, and he notices lots of bold red sunsets captured, filling most of the gallery.

Then Chanyeol remembers it, a memory of a view so lucid. Baekhyun standing at the highest spot of the summit.

_Yeol, this is it, the best place in the world where I want to spend forever with you._

On Baekhyun face was painted a smile so rare and perfectly tranquil, eyes looking and hands waving at the sun who took its time to retreat back to the cradle of the mountains, saying its good bye and waving back at him with its blazing orange waves. Behind him the curtain of clouds were drawn to close as the waning gibbous moon took the sun’s turn to shine a light on them.

The digital photos aren’t magical, Chanyeol is sure of it, but he almost could see the photos moving in his eyes. Almost could hear again his and Baekhyun’s triumphant yells and laughter. Almost could feel again the summit breeze welcoming them at the top of the world.

Almost could hold again Baekhyun’s hands that held his throughout the time the sky changed from their azure blue drape of day, to the orange mantle of afternoon, then to the black cloak of night.

Chanyeol chuckles, even though he can hear his own voice wavering and his tears streaming down. It hasn’t been one hour and he has been crying a lot. He knows Baekhyun told him to always keep his spirit up high, but it’s just so, so hard to do it without Baekhyun. So silently he whispers, “I’m so sorry, Baekhyun…”

Then as he tries to brush off the unstopping stream of tear from his eyes, he notices something that seems out of place located at the far bottom side of the gallery’s rows. So he directed the camera’s cursor to see its details.

It’s a video, with the detail on the bottom of the screen telling him the date of when it’s recorded: June 22nd, 2008. That specific day rings a bell in his head—it’s the date from their first hike at Seoraksan, or to be exact, their second day of hiking when they reached the Daecheongbong summit.

But what confuses him is the fact that after rechecking the whole content of Ricoh’s memory card, it’s the only one dated from June 22nd, 2008 and also the only one from their Seoraksan hike. Furthermore, he doesn’t remember ever taking this particular video even though he’s certain he remembers all the videos they recorded. So he clearly knows this video isn’t among the other mementos they took with Baekhyun’s digital camera at that time, which he’s also so sure are all stored in the cloud drive he created for them to store every single file of their photos and videos.

Nevertheless, after staring long at Ricoh’s screen just to inspect the thumbnail of the five minutes long video, his curiosity wins. Bracing himself for whatever Baekhyun has been keeping for nine years in the video, Chanyeol presses the camera’s OK button to play the recording.

And he was right to prepare himself, for the first thing he sees, as the thumbnail that shows him the view of Seoraksan’s summit moves to reveal the first seconds of the video, is the one he misses the most: a smiling Baekhyun waving his dainty right hand at him, whispering to the camera with his adorable bubbly tone. 

_Hi, hello, Yeol! It’s your one and only Byun Baekhyun!_

He sees again how beautiful Baekhyun is, with his grin showing his pearly white teeth, dark mahogany eyes gleaming with affection, cheeks chubby and resembling golden buns under the light of the summer sun, and dark chocolate hair messy tucked under the Chicago White Sox baseball cap he stole from his head at that time. And he can hear it all so well, Baekhyun’s honeyed voice, amongst the soft whistles of the summit breeze winding through the trees and slipping through the crook of the boulders, whisper still louder than the sounds of other hikers chatting. 

At this moment, Chanyeol just wants to cry out loud at the same time he can feel his grip on the camera loosening. The sight of his happily smiling Baekhyun only reminds him of how he misses Baekhyun so much. But as he tries to control his sobs, he wonders when did Baekhyun record the video, and where was he at that time? So he focuses his eyes to watch the screen again, which is still showing him Baekhyun smiling and waving his hand.

 _Uh so, okay. Before I start, I’m going to apologize for whispering because… drum rolls please—ah wait, my favorite drummer is sleeping, but oh well—what you’re about to see is the world’s number one wonder that only I get the privilege to see every day and night…_

Then Chanyeol sees how the angle of the camera is lowered down as Baekhyun tilts the camera a bit, showing a face of someone who was sleeping and leaning on the small man’s shoulder. Now he knows why he doesn’t know about the video, because the sleeping man is none other than himself. He lets out a silent chuckle at how Baekhyun made his own drum roll sound effect with his mouth, and how Baekhyun said he’s his favorite drummer and that he’s the wonder of the world when actually it’s Baekhyun himself…

Next he sees Baekhyun peeling off his eyes from the camera for a moment to glance at his sleeping face. Even through the camera’s screen he still can see so clearly the tender loving look Baekhyun has for him, and how right now he almost could feel Baekhyun’s eyes are trained on him too, with it feeling exactly like the warm beam of the afternoon sun coming through the windows that’s currently shining upon him.

_Yes, I’m whispering because I have my Sleepy baby Chanyeol currently sleeping in my hug. Oh look! I have your arms somehow finding their way to hug my waist. How can you do such adorable thing that takes my breath away and steals my heart all over again even in your sleep, Yeol?_

As he sees Baekhyun grinning, cheeks rising to full plumpness and eyes forming crescents, he can also hear Baekhyun laughing, the tone light and cheery—all so magical and enchanting he’s still mesmerized even after years of seeing and hearing it every day. What he wouldn’t do just to see and hear it again right now… 

At the mention of the term of endearment Baekhyun loved to call him, and the fact that Baekhyun himself also always find ways to hug his waist whenever they’re sleeping, again he chuckles lightly even among his sobs that start to get louder. How he misses Baekhyun so much…

 _So forgive me for whispering, Yeol. You’re napping soundlessly very much like a baby and you must be so tired from all the hiking, huh? I don’t have the heart to wake you up even though people are looking at us. But I don’t care, as long as you’re sleeping and resting well, I’m the happiest I can be._

He hears Baekhyun laughing again, and even though he’s in tears… he still can feel a stir of a happy feeling in his heart from hearing Baekhyun saying that he’s happy and seeing the genuine smile on the small man’s face.

 _So today, all the best things just happened. You and I hiking together for the first time, us reaching our first summit, and you just said to me the words that I’ll keep in my heart forever. Well, in fact I have lots of your words for me written permanently in my heart to the point it’s already so full of your love, but I’ll always find space for you, Yeol. And I hope you remember everything I said for you, because I meant every single word._

Again he hears Baekhyun laughing. How Chanyeol misses hearing that laughter while having the small man in his embrace so much. To think that he was the one that made Baekhyun laugh is enough of a consolation to the restricting pain in his heart, as there’s nothing he wants in the world right now other than to make Baekhyun laughing again while clinging on his arms…

_This is so sudden and is actually an improvisation, but I feel like making this video for you. I just know someday this will be important. It’s just like what I said to you, I’m creating this to make sure the memories of us being in a place so special together are turned into something solid just so we can be kept forever too._

_So in this video I’m going to tell you about my wish! I have only one wish. And this time, in the highest point of Seoraksan, witnessed by the world’s pillars on my feet, aside from me saying yes for your future proposal, I’m wishing for us to stay together. But the most important one is for you to be… happy. With me or without, I want you to be happy—because I’ll be very much happy and truly live in your smiles and laughter! Together we’re strong but I know alone you can be strong too. I’ll always be wherever you are for you, Yeol. Don’t you know in every step I took I chanted this one wish in my heart, whispering it when you’re too busy looking out at the views? I hope Seoraksan will grant this one for me. For you._

_I know I told you that telling wishes will make it lose its magic, but then… you are that magic this wish contains. Besides, I know it’ll be granted anyway. I know we’ll be happy. You promised to me you’ll bring all the good days and happiness, and even though I don’t know what the future holds for us, I’m not certain of what will happen in years to come, and I don’t have any idea exactly how long forever is… I know how you’ll always be true to your words, because I’ve been with you for long enough to experience you fulfilling your every promise for me. So I trust you and I believe in you. You can do just anything with all that strong determination you always have in you, Yeol._

_And to tell you the truth, Yeol… one thing I absolutely admire for you is how you turn love into something so awesome. Something so amazingly good and different for me to feel like you made it only just for me, in the way you put back my faith in how I still can find true love and the hope it brings along. So, from the deepest part of my heart and with all honesty I have… thank you. Thank you for loving me and letting me to love you. Thank you so much, Yeol._

“I love you so much, Hyunnie,” Chanyeol whispers. He doesn’t have any other words as he can only let his tears to stream down his cheeks. “I love you so much…”

 _Well, that’s all I have to tell you how much I love you for now, for three years we’ve been boyfriends and four years since we’ve been best friends—wait, I’ve been loving you since I was nineteen and I can only love you more each day, to the point I just don’t know how much is it now. Cool, isn’t it?—but hey, let me give you a hint! I love you lots lots lots lots and lots. Yeah, lots, so expect more things like this in our married life until we get all wrinkly old and ugly together when we’re—how much should I say? How about ninety years old? That sounds perfect—when we’re already ninety years old but still dancing like we did today with our walking sticks._

Once again, Baekhyun’s laugh rings through the air, filling the empty space of the apartment and Chanyeol’s heart, bringing waves of warm feeling to wash away the cold and lonely feeling that sadness has been carrying to reside in him. Even though still, his heart is torn apart by the thought of how he will never be able to know how is it like to grow old together with Baekhyun… 

Then he hears Baekhyun letting out a soft groan, almost inaudible among the small man’s hearty laughter.

_My back feels so stiff from leaning too much onto the rock, but seeing you sleeping and comfortably snuggling more into my embrace, I definitely can’t wake my baby up, I’ll take a stiff back or hold any pain just anytime anywhere if it means you’re okay and well. But still, how to get back at you… A-ha! I’ll steal a kiss. You love stealing kisses from me and now it’s my turn. Your lips are so plump and your cheeks are so fluffy, oh my God I’m just so in love. Okay, here it goes!_

He sees his grinning Baekhyun giving him a tentative peck before kissing him softly while holding his cheek gently. Unconsciously Chanyeol touches his lips as if he can feel the gentle press of Baekhyun’s lips on his, fingers shaking as he closes his eyes and a surge of memories of him kissing Baekhyun coming into his mind all at once.

_You know what, Yeol? I think I’ll keep this video as a secret until we get married! You know, just so I can put this video on for everyone to watch during that time of the wedding where the couple is presented with time capsule videos from the old days. Oh oh! You’re stirring up—ah! Look at how cute you are scrunching your nose while you’re waking up, and you just said my name in your sleep, making the word you said before you sleep and after you wake up is my name. Such an adorable baby of mine._

There it is again, Baekhyun’s fond look for him, with his smile so soft and eyes staring attentively at his sleeping face. Then he hears Baekhyun whispering with a much softer and quieter voice to the camera.

 _Okay then, I have to go now, so see you later. I love you so much, Park Chanyeol!_

To hear Baekhyun saying it in such loving tone, with an adoring smile in place… Chanyeol can only whisper it back, hoping wherever Baekhyun is right now the small man can hear him. “I love you so much, Hyunnie…”

_This is Byun Baekhyun signing out, your boyfriend who’s sitting next to you in Seoraksan's summit, but maybe in five or ten years from now will be your husband who’s currently sitting next to you on the night of our wedding, with everyone watching and laughing at this video that’s projected on the wide screen. Good bye! I love you lots, baby._

He sees Baekhyun sending him another energetic wave accompanied with a big grin and lots of air kisses blown towards the camera’s direction. Then the video finally comes to an end and shows him the thumbnail of a smiling Baekhyun paused with his hand still hanging midair and waving at him. Just like the way the video stops, as he stares at his beautiful Baekhyun on the screen, he feels as if time stops for a while.

He remembers the day and all that happened so clearly. The day when they reached the summit, having the high place so close to the sky as the witness of their promises and wishes, with them saying so many words that he too still have written in his heart even after nine years since it happened… 

From the video, he gets all of his answers.

Now he knows why it’s the only video from their Seoraksan hike, Baekhyun intentionally hid it for him just so they can play it on their wedding. But what he doesn’t expect is that he’s watching the video only after Baekhyun is no longer by his side…

Now he knows why at that time Baekhyun was so cheery after he woke up, it was probably because of the thought in Baekhyun’s mind of him giving him a surprise in the form of the video the small man just made for him. But what he doesn’t expect is that Baekhyun doesn’t have the chance to give the surprise he prepared to him, and that he’s no longer able to see the happy smile or hear the cheery laughter of an alive and healthy Baekhyun closely embraced in his arms…

Now he knows the _Good bye! I love you lots, baby_ sentence he heard as he was waking up is not for the birds like Baekhyun said it was—he wants to cry and laugh at the same time when he remembers Baekhyun’s adorable shy face when he got caught saying that sentence while trying to hide the camera he used to record the video—it’s all for him…

But hearing the last lines Baekhyun said is the one thing that breaks down his last final defense. The severely aching pain in that has been staying tenaciously in his heart since he lost his Baekhyun is now coming back again, in form of much stronger waves trying to drown him down with the bitter truth at how he could’ve been married to Baekhyun right now, living life happily with no worry. 

So to say Chanyeol is crying is an understatement—he’s turning into a river that meanders along every twists and turns, trying to search and find Baekhyun again in the sea of his tears.

What are the odds of him finding all of the Jirisan photos and the Seoraksan video? He can’t help but think Baekhyun is still there with him, standing just right behind him, with his hands on his shoulder, directing him to find all of these… an invisible force of the universe to let him find his happiness again. To find his Baekhyun again.

But as his tears fall again and again, he realizes one thing—Baekhyun said he only wants to see him being happy, as it’s the only thing that makes him happy, and that he live in his smiles and laughter. So, does him crying for too long will make Baekhyun happy? As hard as the _easier said than done_ saying goes, still he tries to stop his cries.

So Chanyeol quickly wipes his cheeks clean from his hot tears while taking in deep breaths. Then after one last look at the video, with the broad smile Baekhyun he sees on the screen finally returning the power in him, he turns off the Ricoh camera, places it back to its case and locks the drawer again. He stands up, and looking to his right, he finds another site where he and Baekhyun made so many memories: their reading corner with his and Baekhyun’s bookshelves standing side by side.

And again, just as if he has Baekhyun pulling his hands to come along with him, Chanyeol walks over to the two towering bookshelves that reach up until the ceiling. He can only stand like a statue in front of it, but somehow his arm moves by itself as it stretches forward to touch the wooden rack.

The sense he feels when run his hands across the books’ spines, makes him miss the days Baekhyun and him used to read, eat and talk about nothing and everything in their reading corner. He misses having Baekhyun sitting against the wall with pillows behind his back while he lay down on Baekhyun’s thighs and having Baekhyun read him stories as Baekhyun played with his blue fringe.

When he spots two of his favorite books that Baekhyun owned—classic masterpieces, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s 1887 detective fiction novel _The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes_ and Jules Verne’s 1873 adventure novel _Around the World in Eighty Days_ —delighted with the prospect of happily discussing who’s the real criminal in the quirky yet amusing adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson or getting lullabied to sleep by Baekhyun’s voice telling him tales about each out of the eighty days Phileas Fogg spent to travel the world, he turns around with Baekhyun’s name on his mouth—but only to find that he’s alone, and he has to swallow the bitter truth that Baekhyun is not with him anymore.

Then he notices a small, rectangular, royal blue colored book slightly protruding from the other books that are carefully stacked side by side in Baekhyun’s side of the bookshelves. The book’s backbone seems worn, with creases visible alongside the edges, but in a way that tells any looker the book is frequently opened, read, and loved by the owner. Chanyeol decides to pick it up.

It’s a British children’s fantasy novel titled _Tom’s Midnight Garden_ by Philippa Pearce. One swish to open the hardcover reveals to him the book was published in 1958, and the one Baekhyun owns is one of the first original copies. It reminds him of how Baekhyun always loved books; especially literary from the old days ones, which he’s so sure is the reason for the small man’s broad mind and intelligence, as if in him lived an archaic deity of wisdom and wit.

He remembers one time when he praised Baekhyun for his sophisticated depth of perception and close relationship with his books. Baekhyun then replied with how people were always thinking too high for books and cleverness, when to him there were more important things—friendship and bravery, that he proudly praised he found opulent and strong in Chanyeol.

Somehow growing more curious of what the book might contain, Chanyeol flicks through the pages, skimming the book swiftly. Suddenly, a page opens, springing out, showing him two sky blue colored Post-it square papers stamped on top of one and another on the middle of it. There’s something written on both papers.

It only take less than a second for him to inspect and recognize the handwriting on the first Post-it; Baekhyun’s. There’s only one word written, but he knows the message is for him, another hidden treasure Baekhyun probably expects him to find. The word says:

_Chanyeol_

Heart beating faster at what he might find, Chanyeol decides to remove both Post-its, to see which part of the passage written on the page that was obscured from his view by it.

He reads from the first line of the page. It seems like Baekhyun marked the part where the two main protagonists, Harriet and Tom, found an engraving inside an antique grandfather clock, which could be the key of the mystery of how a time portal between 1880 and 1960 opened at Tom’s garden, enabling Tom to travel through time, every time the grandfather clock strikes thirteen times at midnight.

Under that part, Chanyeol sees the words of Revelation chapter ten, verses one to six from the King James version of the bible:

_And I saw another mighty angel come down from heaven, clothed with a cloud: and a rainbow was upon his head, and his face was as it were the sun, and his feet as pillars of fire:_

_and he had in his hand a little book open: and he set his right foot upon the sea, and his left foot on the earth,_

_and cried with a loud voice, as when a lion roareth: and when he had cried, seven thunders uttered their voices._

_And when the seven thunders had uttered their voices, I was about to write: and I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, ‘Seal up those things which the seven thunders uttered, and write them not.’_

_And the angel which I saw stand upon the sea and upon the earth lifted up his hand to heaven,_

_and sware by him that liveth for ever and ever, who created heaven, and the things that therein are, and the earth, and the things that therein are, and the sea, and the things which are therein, that there shall be time no longer._

He continues reading until he finishes the bottom of the page, the part where both Harriet and Tom couldn’t figure out the meaning. He too asks himself what is behind it all. Truthfully, he’s not sure if he can extract the correct interpretation of the Bible verses, but he knows Baekhyun would always leave him a clue. So, he stamps back the first Post-it, now moving on to the second one behind the first one that mentions his name. This time, there is a paragraph written by Baekhyun.

_Chanyeol, my angel._

_With him, I understand the true meaning of ‘time no longer’_

_With him, time, a finite terminable period, will end and no longer exist, and into the beginning of eternity should we enter. Let it be no more delay, the things you do for your loved ones, for the best is yet to come._

Chanyeol doesn’t realize a tear had formed again and made its way out until he feels something wet on his cheek, rolling down his face before it falls onto the two rings dangling from the necklace he wears. To think that the timing of the disclosure of the Post-Its and the answer it contains aligns at the same time of when the question surfaced on his mind when he held Baekhyun’s ashes in his hands, he feels it again, stronger than ever, on how Baekhyun is still guiding him even when he’s not around… And the last sentence of the paragraph seems like a gentle nod to Chanyeol to just do it—to let go.

After he replaced the Post-its back in its correct order onto the page, right on the same spots Baekhyun glued it, he slots back the book carefully into its assigned place at Baekhyun’s bookshelf. As he picks up the canvas bag lying on the floor next to his feet, he feels something protruding, almost like something with a sharp edge nudging into his palm. Pulling the curious object out, he finds it.

It’s the flat, square shaped and neatly wrapped with brown paper package that Baekhyun’s father gave him at the LAX airport.

For this one, he sits down on the floor. Carefully opening the wrappings, he uncovers a vinyl record inside its blank, black colored album sleeve. There are two notes attached to it, with two different handwritings. After the message slipped among the pages of Tom and Harriet’s adventure, he can’t help but for his heart to race even faster, anticipating for what kind of surprise these new notes will bring.

The first of the notes is folded neatly and attached into the front side of the cover. The neat, slanted writing that he’s quite unfamiliar with but somehow resembles Baekhyun’s on it says:

_Chanyeol, son._

_Originally Baekhyun left this vinyl record at our possession, with a note for us and for you. Thanks to this, we can try to be fine. So now it’s time for us to pass it on for you. Things will be alright, soon enough._

_Byun Hyunsoo._

So this is another hint Baekhyun left for him, another token of good fortune. But he’s wondering, what does the vinyl record contain?

The second one he finds what seems to be a letter wedged at the flip side of the album sleeve’s back. It’s a little bit bigger than the one from Baekhyun’s father and is placed inside a small envelope. On the baby blue colored paper he finds a couple of paragraphs written in what he knows all too well as Baekhyun’s handwriting. It reads:

_Chanyeol, my love._

_Maybe at a glance it seems like we don’t get those fairytale happily ever after ending or have the ending that we want. But I’ve been with you for the longest of time to know that we have something even better than that, from the way we’ve gone through ten years where we were happy along every single day we’ve spent together: we painted every moment colorful with our smiles and laughter, we sang and danced to songs we love, we built a home and light a warm fire of our love. We wrote pages of our own book about our own ways to find and be happy, how we lived a happy_ story, _not just a happy ending. Besides, I believe our story hasn’t ended yet and this time it’s your turn to continue writing our story, Yeol… until we meet again._

_Anyway, I’ve been listening to this vinyl record using a gramophone a friend of mine owns back at Jonsson. I know how music has been your friend and just like you said a year ago when we were spending time at your studio, how the songs you have for me are the extension of you… it’s right. What you said is always right. It has been my friend, and I feel as if I have you here next to me. Thank you so much, Yeol. So this time, it’s my turn to give you something to help you. I hope this can be the substitute of my fingers to wipe your tears, as it does for me when I miss you so much._

_But don’t worry, we’ll see each other again soon. I love you!_

_Baekhyun._

Without waiting for too long, Chanyeol pulls out the ten-inch wide vinyl record from its album sleeve, expecting to find a label containing the details. But he found none, except for a square white label pasted on its neck, on which is written in yet again Baekhyun’s handwriting: _for Mum, Dad, Seohyun nuna, and Chanyeol._

After the letter Baekhyun wrote, the poems, the message hidden inside _The Bridge of Terabithia_ , the notebook where Baekhyun has written everything Chanyeol needs to carry on with his life, the memories solidified in the Jirisan photos, the sincere wish in the Seoraksan video, the Post-its stuck inside _Tom’s Midnight Garden_ … he knows whatever is held within this vinyl record is another one that Baekhyun left to guide his way.

So he runs as fast as he can, crossing the living room with long strides to reach his gramophone. Then he places the vinyl record and settles down the stylus in one quick motion. A second later, Eric Clapton’s 1991 soft rock song _Tears in Heaven_ plays. As the soft acoustic guitar intro starts, as an image of Baekhyun arrives in his mind: sitting on his hospital bed, crying silently while holding his pain all alone… Chanyeol’s tears start to fall again.

_Would you know my name  
If I saw you in heaven?_   
_Would it be the same  
If I saw you in heaven?_

What makes it more heart-rending to him is the fact that the song was written by Mr. Clapton with his four-year-old son who died after an accident a few months before in his mind, and it breaks Chanyeol’s heart more than ever even just to imagine Baekhyun’s parents listening to this song, a message sent from their son who also left the world first before them…

Heart filled with so many emotions, he decides to sit down on the floor again, this time leaning onto one of the apartment’s pillar with his back on the concrete wall. For a moment, he almost could feel Baekhyun sitting right by his side, hands intertwined with his, shoulder ready for him to rest his head on, with a small smile displayed to calm his heart down.

To him, Baekhyun is the only one who really knew him for who he really is, and for how to help him. And with Baekhyun already leaving him a trail of so many things to aid and guide him to see which road should he take, now it’s his turn to turn on the light and continue his and Baekhyun’s journey. He knows what he should do next.

Then Chanyeol takes off his necklace, inspecting the engraving inside the rings dangling from it. _Given a chance to love_. He and Baekhyun, from the palms of fate they were given a chance to love, and they laid their hands on it, seized it, and made sure every second is spent to love. Despite what happened under all of that, those are all the challenges that they’ve managed to go past through. He’s glad never once did he stopped loving Baekhyun even if it’s just for a second; he never let the flame of his love to be gushed out even when it was only a wavering candlelight fighting the gust of wind. And he knows Baekhyun—even though he wasn’t around to see it—did all he could for them, with love.

_I must be strong and carry on  
‘Cause I know I don’t belong here in heaven_

Now he knows how it’s true, to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, they will give us some protection forever, because he can feel it. Even though Baekhyun is not with him anymore, the legacy Baekhyun left, the memories of him and Baekhyun, every single thing that contains Baekhyun’s love that’s just like the sunshine; colorless, unseen by bare eyes, but the heat so radiant it’s felt by everything it shines upon… those are the protection Baekhyun has for him, which become the hands that pull him up to stand and give a gentle push on his back for him to carry on. So, in a way that exceeds logic, Baekhyun will always be with him.

Then he collects their rings within his grasp, closing his eyes before placing his fisted hands on top of his chest, feeling his lone heart beating against his ribcage.

Chanyeol remembers the night so long ago when he and Baekhyun just graduated, when Baekhyun asked him his favorite Dumbledore quote. Today he proved how right the saying is—the ones that love us never really leave us and, no matter how strange it sounds, are alive in us and always present whenever we need them: they’re always there to walk alongside us in the days of our lows and highs, residing in the warmth of our hearts underlying our every heartbeat, always there to exist permanently and inseparably behind every thought that made its way in our minds.

_Would you hold my hand  
If I saw you in heaven?_   
_Would you help me stand  
If I saw you in heaven?_

Just like reading the last page of his favorite book, knowing that after all the characters had been going through—from uneventful days to mishaps, sunny and rainy days, even to the point of losing their loved ones—at the end they overcame it all, they had won; they accepted it as something that build them up, an authentic part of them that will always coexists alongside every other though in their minds as a part of their life that tells the tale of the battle they’ve bravely fought and won over. And only by then, they can let go.

The feeling of letting go, isn’t the same as in cleansing off the elements of a person or a memory, not as in erasing the existence of them to be replaced by another one, nor vainly trying to forget and exempt the events he wished never occured. But it’s as in closing the final chapter of a book with all the feelings and memories he procured throughout the journey, making them an important component of him that he can use as his strength, which only by then he can know from the deepest part of his heart he’s earnestly ready to continue his life.

_I’ll find my way through night and day  
'Cause I know I just can’t stay here in heaven_

The grief is the hardest obstacle in letting go. But to Chanyeol, there’s one determining element in dealing with grief: he doesn’t have to get over it, but he’ll find a way to make friends with it. He doesn’t forget it, but it no longer bothers him. He doesn’t go around giving fake smiles and saying he’s okay, but he knows in time he can heal. Just like being a host of a guest house, his grief is just another guest he’ll have to meet and let into his house before he can finally send it to depart at the end.

He remembers the time when he wanted to curse the fate of his life for giving such a cruel thing to happen for Baekhyun, but then when he remembers Baekhyun’s words to always see two sides in everything… he realizes how it’s also the same fate that brought Baekhyun to him. 

Believe it or not, Chanyeol hears himself letting out a light chuckle. In a light of oddly satisfying amusement at the jokes Baekhyun slipped in his letter that Minseok delivered for him, somehow he too realizes even though they don’t get to live until they’re wrinkly and old together, actually he did grow old for ten years with Baekhyun just like what the small man wrote. Even though they don’t get to experience how does it feel like to get married, he believes in what Baekhyun said in last new year’s eve that they’ve been a silly newlywed couple for ten years since their university days, anyway.

So, does he regret where fate brings him and Baekhyun? 

Never.

Still sitting on the floor, he finally opens his eyes. Looking just anywhere, somehow his heart still dares to wait for Baekhyun to pop out sleepily from the bedroom, or walking out of the bathroom naked with only a towel around his midriff, or cheerily and tugging gently on his arms to cook and have a meal in their kitchen…

Then he looks over to the French doors that lead to their balcony, the place where he and Baekhyun have spent hours to dance, to observe the sky or just to spend time talking and eating the food he cooked. There he can see the rows of potted plants from aloe vera, anthuriums, hibiscuses, African violets to peace lilies, and not forgetting the artistically nest of greeneries consisting of tradescantia, hydrangeas, ivies and morning glory vines swirling from the balcony’s roof to the metal railings, all providing shade from the sun and cover for their privacy. Wandering his eyes inside, in the apartment’s walls where he finds framed photos of him and Baekhyun with their families all smiling and laughing happily hanging side by side with the landscape photos Baekhyun took. And at last his eyes are back again on their rings, resting comfortingly cold inside his clasped hands.

The views his eyes just traveled to bring along to him one thing. The way the plants Baekhyun helped to grow are still continuing its growth even after the hands that potted each of it are gone, the way the photos stays eternal even though the hands that clicked the shutter release and took them are gone, the way Baekhyun has endowed him with words of wit enough to guide him which way to go, the way the memories continues to exist, vivid and vibrant in colors and sounds in his mind… it only assures Chanyeol of how Baekhyun is still here with him. Baekhyun lives on through everything he had touched—things, places, minds, and hearts. 

And really though, don’t we always have a choice? In Chanyeol’s case, it’s either keep on wallowing in exhausting sadness and mourning for too long, or he could try to let go and carry on to be happy in the light of the infinite happy memories he has of Baekhyun—using it as his source of strength and courage, instead of making it as an anchor to his sorrow. The choice to learn, understand and accept what have happened will lead us to somewhere we can get better, and maybe if time allows, to heal.

_Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees  
Time can break your heart, have you begging please_

What people tend to look over is the fact that we try. He knows losing the things and the people he loves hurts and the pain will never fully recede, but losing without being able to let go cuts much deeper, permanent wounds on him. So Chanyeol chooses to let go, this is the path he picks for his way to heal.

The end always signifies a new beginning. The downfall of a dictatorship calls for a revolution of democracy, a bittersweet good bye calls for a fresh new start of a hello, the end of the journey means he’s finally coming back home, even in the darkest night as the clock strikes twelve something right would invite the sun to rise and the dawn to begin the day. Time well spent with Baekhyun changes the nature of time into infinite memories, so even if Baekhyun is no longer with him and it seems like the end, their love continues to grow eternally—time no longer.

Again, Chanyeol admits to himself that it’s never easy for him to let people or things go, and it’s thousand times harder if it’s anything to do with Baekhyun. But from what Minseok told him, about Baekhyun’s valiant and selfless acts from the time right after he got diagnosed until his last seconds, he knows he must do the same for Baekhyun.

Baekhyun did all he could to prevent him from feeling down and sad from his passing, Baekhyun even _gave his life_ for him. So, mourning about Baekhyun’s passing for too long, forgetting to live and not reliving their good memories instead will be an insult to Baekhyun's efforts, will be a poor way of repayment. Now it’s Chanyeol’s turn to be brave just like Baekhyun, and to let Baekhyun go at the end.

Come to think more of it, to Chanyeol, letting go is one of his truest forms of his love for Baekhyun. Because by then, Baekhyun doesn’t have to worry about him from the heavens up there, since down here, he’s going to be fine.

_Beyond the door there’s peace I’m sure  
And I know there’ll be no more tears in heaven_

With the guidance of the waymarks Baekhyun left him, Chanyeol is more assured that this is the right thing to do. It’s now or never, to fulfill his promise to Baekhyun. In a way, at the end of the day, after all the people and places are gone past, he will get Baekhyun back home,

and Baekhyun will come back home to him.

***

**October 6th, 2017  
Gyeongsang, South Korea  
05.49 AM**

Time passed and stopped for autumn.

It’s five months since Baekhyun is gone and Chanyeol lost his footing in this world.

Chanyeol knows he has promised himself, and to Baekhyun too, he will find a time to get Baekhyun home soon. But as ruthless as it was gentle, time didn’t allow him to fulfill the promise until now, with work adding more load into his lap. Even though technically he is the chairman of his own studio company, he is also the supervisor and one of the music engineers—he has his own fair share of work too. Even with Lu Han being around to help him, he needs to work more to cover his two months absence.

For a while, he tries channeling his feelings for Baekhyun by working on compositions at his studio and hoping it can act as a healing agent. Lo and behold, it works, he has been getting enough amounts of calmness to be alright and a great deal of healing from it. Baekhyun was right, if he chooses to try to heal, he can start to heal.

Now it’s Chuseok week, and most people are inside their houses to spend time with their families or going out together since the five days weekend is the perfect time for fun time at recreational parks or a getaway at the resorts. Chanyeol’s mother went into a trip to Paris to visit his brother two days ago, so for the holidays, he’s alone. 

And in another note, the plan Chanyeol made back at LA is finally complete.

It’s true for weeks Chanyeol debated with himself what to do with Baekhyun’s ashes, keeping the glass jar close to him at all times. But the words Mrs. Byun spoke to him back at LA somehow sparked his plan, and now he finally find the perfect idea for the finale of the greatest Broadway musical of Byun Baekhyun, the last act before the closing of the curtain.

The story is, shortly after he was back at home, after recovering the Jirisan ridge hike photos in Baekhyun’s Ricoh camera, finding the hidden Post-its inside Baekhyun’s _Tom’s Midnight Garden_ book, and listening to the vinyl Baekhyun left for him, he started phase one of his plan.

Chanyeol went to a funeral fireworks and ashes scattering office later on that day, where he stood on the paving block in front of the memorabilia office for about an hour, while hugging the medium sized glass jar that contained Baekhyun’s ashes close to his chest—like a child with his favorite teddy bear.

At that time he hesitated for countless of times, he did think of keeping Baekhyun’s ashes with him, maybe in a small vial tied to a thin metal chain necklace so he can literally keep Baekhyun close to his heart, to the point he almost changed his mind and just go back home. But then he realized after a long time of pondering and weighing his choices, the time to let Baekhyun go is coming near; that there will come a time where he will have to let his most precious bird to fly free, not confined in any kind of cages.

So after he took a deep breath and gathered his courage with the sole thought of Baekhyun in his mind, at the end he managed to stride confidently to the office’s door. He handed over Baekhyun’s ashes glass jar that he had been unconsciously hug tighter from the idea of separating from it, and requested for it to be incorporated into self-firing fireworks. At some point where he was filling the consent form, he found a question asking whether he liked the ashes to be added to fireworks or sparkles, and he immediately chose fireworks. Baekhyun should go with a bang. He almost laughed at his joke until he realized there was no Baekhyun to laugh at it with.

The experience has that disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream. It seems so out of the world, like he’s another person at another realm. Chanyeol almost wanted to barge back into the office and snatch Baekhyun’s jar back. That was the first time he was apart from Baekhyun—he has grown attached to Baekhyun’s ashes to the point he even calls the jar and its content with only by the small man’s name—and the feeling of leaving Baekhyun resembles the feeling of deliberately letting his heart taken out of his chest all over again, but he had to do it.

So now there he is, at the bedroom, sitting on the bed while preparing to continue his plan. Then he walks over to the wardrobe and takes out a box package from the locked safe-deposit box that he hid inside. Eagerly opening the outer carton, falling into his hands is a plastic wrapped 12-inch long cylinder.

It’s Baekhyun’s fireworks. It had arrived through the post exactly five days after he left the memorabilia office, just like the clerk promised him. Then Chanyeol slowly removes the wrappings. Inspecting it again the cylinder fireworks reads, _Love Sparkles No. 0506 – Mr. Byun Baekhyun_.

All Chanyeol want is to be with Baekhyun. And now with the Chuseok holidays, it seems like time gives him a way and a chance is presented into his hands, to give his plan a try.

At first he wasn’t willing to light up Baekhyun’s fireworks, his idea to add Baekhyun’s ashes to the fireworks was almost half-hearted, because truthfully he just didn’t want to part with the last thing he has of Baekhyun. Even before the fireworks business, he considered spending almost ten thousand dollars to turn Baekhyun’s ashes into diamonds or even inserting the ashes into permanent tattoos’ ink to be drawn on his skin if it meant he’d still have a part of Baekhyun with him that he can touch and see.

But then no matter how beautiful the diamonds are, or how indissoluble the ink of the tattoos are… he realized how in those ways Baekhyun is still confined, not free. He also realized how he actually still has a much bigger part of Baekhyun in him that goes beyond sight and sense—memories. 

Even though at the moment he’s holding Baekhyun’s fireworks with an overwhelming sadness that gets his hands shaking, it also makes him to notice the smiling half-moon tattoo on his wrist that signifies Baekhyun and reminding him again that in the darkness of night, while Baekhyun is the moon and its light, Chanyeol is the sky full of stars. So, in a way that calms his mind and heart, by lighting up Baekhyun’s fireworks it means Baekhyun is going back to the sky full of stars—to him.

The place Chanyeol chose as Baekhyun’s last resting place is easy to guess.

It’s to be at the place Baekhyun loved the most: the second highest peak in South Korea, the Cheonwangbong Peak at Jirisan National Park with its impressive number of 1915 meters high. The name _Jirisan_ itself means _the mountain of the wise_ , and the summit’s name _Cheonwangbong_ means _the king of the sky_. So Baekhyun will dwell among the wise at the throne of the king of the sky. And by that, to him, there couldn’t be any other beautiful place more fitting in the world for Baekhyun.

Chanyeol can only see it fitting that someone as stunning as Baekhyun to reside in a stunning place too. He might not be able to give Baekhyun the house at Pyeongchang-dong that he bought specially for him, but for Baekhyun’s birthday at least he can give him his last place somewhere he felt the happiest. He’s actually also carrying out the wish Baekhyun told him during their first Seoraksan hike, about how he had always wanted to live in the clouds…

This time, instead of hiking through the whole ridge like the last time with Baekhyun, Chanyeol plans to get to Jirisan’s highest summit and start his hike from a town called Jungsan-ri, which is one of the seven total starting points people may access Jirisan trails from, and it’s also one of the most direct route.

Along the new route, Chanyeol wants to take Baekhyun back to his favorite place through a new trail just so Baekhyun can see the autumn leaves, because he never got the chance to take Baekhyun on a hike in autumn days. How he wishes he were holding hands with Baekhyun as they admire the blazing colors of flowers and tree leaves and not just carrying the firework that contains parts of Baekhyun. How he wishes he were taking an alive, healthy and happy Baekhyun instead and not just his ashes…

Chanyeol packs not much into his truck: a lightweight tent, an inflatable sleeping bag, ramen and rice meals for his camping food, fruit snacks and trail mix for his hiking food, plenty of water and hiking gears. He travels light and he brings his 50L backpack with him. The backpack gives him so much memories of him when he gave Baekhyun a piggyback ride back when they visited Biseondae Rocks at Seoraksan, and he can’t help but hold back his choked sobs at the sight of Baekhyun’s backpack, and at how Baekhyun will never accompany him hike anymore…

The drive from Dongdaemun-gu to Jungsan-ri takes him five hours, but it’s an early in the morning laidback drive with rolled down windows, sunglasses on, and songs he and Baekhyun love in low volume as the background sounds. As soon as he’s arrived, he parks his truck on the parking lot and pays for the space rents.

Then Chanyeol goes to the park rangers’ office to ask for permission to hike at night because it’s strictly prohibited for safety reasons, and he heard it’s hard to get a permit. And it’s true, the park rangers are quite against the idea, even after he explained his purpose, gave his honest promises not to make a disturbance and ruin the natural habitat, and even showed all the authentication letters of Baekhyun’s fireworks and death certificate. But somehow, just right in time when he’s about to give up, suddenly one of the park rangers sees his and Baekhyun’s Peak Passports issued by the Korean National Park Service that Baekhyun got for them five years ago, peeking among the stack of documents he’s holding. The passports contain the proof of their past experiences in hiking various national parks and a record of their last Jirisan ridge hike, and those seem to assure the park rangers to let him go. So at the end he acquires an allowance to take a night hike and the permit to shoot the fireworks. 

Outside the park rangers’ office, as he holds the passports that have his and Baekhyun’s smiling faces close to his heart, he can’t help but feeling warm all over his body and completely speechless. Even so, in his amazed state, somehow he knows this is just another help Baekhyun gave him—he didn’t even know the passports are slipped in there and even more he still can’t figure out how one of the park rangers saw it—an invisible force Baekhyun has that seems to protect him just anytime, gives him that extra push to never back down, and clears up the way for him to continue his journey.

So that’s what he does, and a little over twelve in the noon, he’s finally standing at the gate of the Jungsan-ri Camping Grounds.

Chanyeol carries with him a handy trail map he got from the visitor information headquarter, checking the route he’ll pass with the symbols on the map. With his index finger he traces the track he’ll be taking: from Jungsan-ri, he will continue to the Kalbawi rock, then to the Rotari Shelter and Beopgyesa Temple, to the end which is the Cheonwangbong Peak, giving him a total 5.4 kilometers or approximately 4.5 hours to reach the summit. His way down will start from the summit to the Jangteomok Shelter, the Yuampokpo Falls, the Hombawi Rock and passing the Kalbawi Rock again before approaching the Jungsan-ri camping site, all in a total 9 kilometers in 6 hours.

Chanyeol checks his backpack. He packed a peanut butter jam sandwich, two oranges, a package of trail mix, and two liters water for him to recharge his energy as he hikes up. He brings along a raincoat, a padded jacket, torches and glow-in-the-dark gears to help him to see around when the sunlight is dwindling and sunset is approaching, Baekhyun’s letter that he carefully folded inside its original envelope, his empty notebook that contains one incomplete song for Baekhyun, a plastic bundle and of course, Baekhyun’s fireworks.

He makes sure he has everything he needs and his gears are worn correctly. So after he’s finished assembling his tent at the camping site, Chanyeol starts his journey up.

Chanyeol doesn’t meet many hikers because it’s the last day of Chuseok and everyone is probably maximizing their time with their family and to meet with their loved ones at this time around. And his starting time for hiking is at 2 PM, the time when visitors are lessening. He’s grateful for that, the trail and its not so crowded condition is way better for him as it gives him more silence to think as he hikes. Maybe today can be his day to meet his loved one too, even though he’s also will be saying his last good bye. He’s finally going to properly send Baekhyun off.

As he starts his first step to hike the trail, his mind starts to play the tunes of the song he was listening to throughout his drive. It’s another song he and Baekhyun used to dance to, Billie Holiday’s 1944 musical jazz _I’ll Be Seeing You_ , a song that emits emotional power, and was much loved during the World War II when it became an anthem for the soldiers serving overseas.

A question starts to wander in Chanyeol’s mind, when will his soldier come home?

_Cathedral bells were tolling and our hearts sang on  
Was it the spell of Paris or the April dawn?  
Who knows if we shall meet again?_

Half of an hour into the hike, Chanyeol arrives at the Kalbawi Rock, a place where he can see two blade-like boulders five times taller than him, with rocks strewn all over the rising and falling terrain. He takes a rest there, admiring the stones and its smoke grey color, looking mighty even under years of heat and rain, its stance unwavering. He imagined how small Baekhyun would be standing next to it, and as he laughs, turning to his side to ask Baekhyun to take photos with the gigantic stones, he remembers it. Baekhyun is not with him anymore.

Even though he’s hiking solo, Chanyeol feels okay. From his previous experiences of tasting other trails in Korea’s mountains with Baekhyun, the trail he’s currently following also doesn’t have too many flat spots. But still he trudges on, stepping one foot after another diligently with the thought of Baekhyun in his mind. 

Nature, as he takes his time walking up, has the best healing method. In his silence, even though the trail is new to him, he feels no stranger to it. Because he finds his one and only hike partner, a sliver view of Baekhyun, walking alongside with him; the helping hands when he scales large boulders and climbs many steps up the hills, the additional shade of clouds when trees aren’t there to cover him from the intense sunlight and mild heat, and the waymark keeping his track right as he winds his way up the mountain side.

The distance might be deceiving, a short 5.4 kilometers, but the altitude of the mountain slope is the number one factor that slows people down. But still Chanyeol marches away, maintaining a stable but relaxed pace. Sometimes he finds his way to go over a few man-made metalwork bridges along the trail that arched over streams originating from the Jirisan mountain and narrow gully strewn with rocks.

Chanyeol remembers their first hike to Seoraksan and when he first encountered the steep stairs. Baekhyun told him how he believed in him to tackle obstacles and overcome challenges even when he’s alone, which reminds him of, and gives more strength to, his current hike and his battle with the sorrow and pain after losing Baekhyun. And the fact that Baekhyun also said he would be going first and he would wait for him with his hands stretched out, now it seems like a sign he indeed would leave him and the world first…

In Chanyeol’s current Jirisan hike, there is no steep stairs and his days of stairs fright are long gone and over, but he would do anything just to be able to climb any other set of stairs with Baekhyun…

Here and there, the colors are vibrant and abundant. Everywhere Chanyeol goes, he sees the trees with their array of autumn colors bursting at the seams. The fiery vivid red, honey yellow amber, and bright reddish orange tint of autumn among the thick green leaves that the summer left, an evidence of the changing of the seasons. The canopy the ginkgo trees gives him a nice shade with its fan shaped leaves, its colors transition from yellow to red reminding him of the sunset sky.

In his way up, with the autumn sun streaming its light all over on both his head and on the colorful heads of trees that tinge Jirisan’s grounds beautifully… he almost could hear one classical piece he and Baekhyun love: Richard Strauss’ 1896 tone poem _Also sprach Zarathustra_ , Op. 30, which was inspired by Friedrich Nietzsche’s philosophical novel _Thus Spoke Zarathustra_. He remembers finding out about Strauss’ piece and its relation with Nietzsche when Baekhyun pointed it out for him when they were watching Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 science fiction film _2001: A Space Odyssey_ on one of their movie nights. And the prologue of the piece, _Sonnenaufgang_ used in Kubrick’s film does really act as a fanfare to the rising sun above his head.

The nature is also playing its own music with gentle breeze slipping through the leaves, creating rustling sounds that remind him of violin sonatas, and of that time when they hiked Seoraksan and Baekhyun mentioned about _Pastorale_ , his favorite Beethoven symphony. Occasionally he sees caramel streaked squirrels peeking at him from the trees’ thick trunk, the Siberian blue robins and Asian rosy finches circumnavigating up above his head and sometimes dipping low enough to announce their presence by harmoniously chirping the song of their hearts, with beetles and crickets completing the ensemble. 

It’s as if the forest’s citizens are all out, forming a grand convoy to see Baekhyun off with him. In his mind, he can only think about how Baekhyun must’ve loved being encircled by the autumn hues and listening to the classical composition of the leaves…

_But when the morning chimes ring sweet again  
I’ll be seeing you in all the old familiar places  
That this heart of mine embraces_

Chanyeol continues to plow through the hike, and without him noticing, he finds himself two and half an hour into the hike at the Rotari Shelter, one out of five shelters provided for Jirisan mountains hikers and campers to rest. He decides to take a break and recharge his energy, while munching on his trail mix, only eating half of the package with a thought to keep the spare half for Baekhyun. He’s worried and thinking what if Baekhyun is hungry, knowing how Baekhyun loves to snack on chocolate bars during their hikes. But as he turns around to give the resealable plastic bag to the small man, he remembers it. Baekhyun is not with him anymore.

His breath hitches at the thought, and for a second he feels as if his heart stopped beating before he starts to cry silently, hugging the plastic bag close to his chest. It takes him a while to calm himself down, but after he’s done fighting his own tears, Chanyeol can stand up again and find his way to a changing room at the shelter. Inside, he retrieves the plastic bundle he’s been keeping in his backpack, unfolding it carefully to reveal what’s inside.

It’s the exact same black suit set he wore on the day he proposed to Baekhyun.

He almost wanted to laugh at himself for this idea he has, but all that comes out of him is just another trickle of tear down his cheeks. It’s stupid to hike wearing an ensemble people more likely to find at the ballroom, but he just wants to send Baekhyun off with respect and honor that he deserves. He doesn’t care the suit will not be in its most crisp state as he reaches the summit, or how it’s going to be a bit uncomfortable hiking with it instead of wearing proper hiking outfit… he only cares to look good for Baekhyun.

He quickly changes his hiking outfit into the suit set and styles himself neatly for Baekhyun. When he sees himself in the mirror to fix his black tie, despite his reddened eyes and nose after he cried at the memories of the suit, he looks like he’s ready to have a formal dance with Baekhyun—just like at anytime soon Baekhyun will pop out behind him also in his suit, smiling and ready to take his hand.

Then Chanyeol leaves the Rotari Shelter feeling much better, with a revived strength and a sense of purpose. Other hikers might laugh at him for hiking wearing a suit. But it doesn’t matter, the sole thought of seeing Baekhyun again manages to drown the crowd’s noise.

Looking up the sky just like Baekhyun told him to a long time ago, Chanyeol wonders, is Baekhyun up there hiding behind the clouds, watching over him?

After spending almost half an hour just talking to the sky, Chanyeol continues pushing his way up to reach the Beopgyesa Temple forty-five minutes after passing the Rotari Shelter, at exactly fifteen minutes over five in the afternoon. At the entrance of the temple, he finds a metal stake that the Japanese had driven into the top of Cheonwangbong Peak. To his left there’s a three-story stone pagoda that can be traced back to the Goryeo Dynasty, with its body and roof are each made out of a single piece of stone.

As for the Beopgyesa temple, that was famous for being located at the highest altitude of Korea’s temples, its walls are colored in the traditional brick red and carrot orange, with earth brown wooden pillars holding the structure and the black roofs, just like any other traditional Korean houses. But what makes it special is how it gives off the astonishing feeling of having the lower grounds of the Jirisan National Park as the front yard of the house, with its high altitude and sky views right in front of its entrance.

The cozy atmosphere that the dense trees encasing Beopgyesa Temple offers, the view of the villages below, and low hum of the forest insects manage to lull Chanyeol into sitting under the shade of the temple’s roofs. Straightening his legs, he thinks about how Baekhyun must have loved it to spend more time and stay here…

_I’ll be seeing you, all day and through  
In that small café, the park across the way  
The children’s carousel, the chestnut trees, the wishing well_

Chanyeol decides to just stop a while to watch the Buddhist monks and tourist hikers passing by, feeling the high altitude wind to blow onto his body, and looking up at the sky again—map each part of it just like the way he maps Baekhyun’s face in his heart—trying to find his Baekhyun among the flying birds, the white expanse of clouds and the sun’s rays.

Even though he hasn’t find Baekhyun yet—finding the warmth and comfort of Baekhyun’s hug in the way the sunshine caresses his body and in the way the cool wind occasionally brushes against his body instead—after he’s filled with a portion of his peanut butter jam sandwich, an orange and a decent gulp of water, he leaves the shadow of the temple to continue hiking the rest two kilometers to reach the Cheonwangbong Peak.

Along the trail up, again he’s greeted by the stone walls and Japanese cypress trees lining the path. Here and there the grounds are dotted with small ponds and waterfalls with medium sized smoothed rocks for him to sit a while and take a rest from climbing the trek and its steep inclination.

As he’s nearing the top, the terrain grows barren, the vegetation has changed and flattened by the wind. Despite the heat of the afternoon sun seeping into his suit, the wind slipping through the hollow cavern chases away the hot weather. The distinct sense under the rugged sole of his hiking boots in every step he takes on the boulder stones that build the landscape helps to keep him sober and moving. He makes sure to look around in every direction as to not miss anything the nature has in store for him, the picturesque views of the mountain scenery refreshing his vision from Seoul’s concrete jungle, the pacifying quietness becomes his constant company on his odyssey.

Despite of the temperature, the chain of his necklace and his and Baekhyun’s rings are comfortingly cold against the skin of his chest. Every drop of his sweat, every strain of his muscle, every step forward, Chanyeol can only think of Baekhyun. How he misses Baekhyun’s _Yeol, look!_ at everything that attracts his attention in every five minutes or so, how his talks always keep him entertained…

_I’ll be seeing you, in every lovely summer’s day  
In everything that’s light and day, I’ll always think of you that way_

Checking his watch, he realizes it’s already nearing six in the evening. Because Chanyeol took his time during the hike, eyes absorbing the glory of nature and reaching back to the healing hands of time, he’s able to hold back his tears. But when he reaches the spot where he can see the summit is only a few footsteps and a reach of a hand away, his eyes start to play imaginations on him.

There he sees Baekhyun standing so gracefully, a defined silhouette against the strong colors of sun. The graceful sun is floating just right behind his head, creating an illusion of a golden aureole. As if he hears the call of Chanyeol’s heart, Baekhyun turns his back to face him, with the same elegance and fluidity in his movements, his hands outstretched, waiting for him… and Chanyeol’s tears can no longer be confined. But as Chanyeol hastily blinks back the hot tears to see Baekhyun’s blurred face clearly, the small man is gone.

As he arrives at the summit, he decides to take his time. Standing at the highest peak at Jirisan should make people feel invincible, but taking the spot where Baekhyun had stood with his tranquil smile, Chanyeol finds his legs shaking. Standing at the mast of the world, as other people raise their cans of beer up to make a toast, he readies his heart. Reassuring himself that this beautiful place will be Baekhyun’s home.

When his tears are reduced bit by bit, Chanyeol glances at his watch, checking the time. It’s five past six in the evening and he’s early by ten minutes to his estimated arrival time. The summit looks just like the last time he saw it: the sea of different shaped clouds reflecting the yellow and orange glow while dancing in every part of the sky everywhere he looks, the classic palette of bottle green, burgundy, black, and grey on lower peaks of Jirisan that seem to be peeking beyond the swirling cloud layers, the clean-shaven rocks smoothed by the strong gust of the summit wind, and feeling again the sense of astounding glory that he gets from standing at the gate of the staircase to heaven.

But this time he remembers, the only difference is that he’s alone—no Baekhyun to do a celebratory toast with him, no Baekhyun to take photos with next to the big, pewter grey colored oval stone that bears the mark of the 1915 meters high above sea level of the Cheonwangbong Peak, no Baekhyun with him right by his side to hold his hands…

Chanyeol tilts his head down and closes his eyes. He stays that way, body trembling and eyes hot from the stinging pain of tears trying to come out. Then a sudden, particularly blasting wind blowing on his ears forces him to open his eyes and look up again, as if it tries to tell him something. Somehow it feels as if Baekhyun’s fingers just clipped his chin to lift his head up a moment ago…

Then there it comes to Chanyeol’s sight, the same view as the one he and Baekhyun saw when they reached Jirisan’s summit for the first time, the one Baekhyun loved the most that occupied his Ricoh gallery: the perfect circle of the sun declining with grace, curtsying to give its final bow of the day, waving its hands in the form of the aurora borealis like streams of red sunset colors that flow through the mountain haze.

_I’ll find you in the morning sun  
And when the night is new, I’ll be looking at the moon  
But I’ll be seeing you…_

Chanyeol almost could feel Baekhyun standing next to him, arms hugging his waist, head resting gently on his chest, and dark mahogany eyes admiring the same view he’s seeing. Then he smiles, no matter how surreal it sounds, but it feels exactly just like they’re back at home…

Again he witnesses the proof of how the things Baekhyun said to him are always right. This one is from the time they danced to Bobby Darin’s _Beyond the Sea_ almost a year ago: how everywhere can be a place to call home because home doesn’t necessarily equal to a location or a person, it’s a particular feeling residing in him. Home is the wonderful and magical feeling that comes alive in him at just any place where he still can find his and Baekhyun’s precious memories, and feel the strong stream of Baekhyun’s love for him coursing continuously—following him and giving him the sense of familiarity, comfort and warmth of a home wherever he goes—even when Baekhyun is no longer walking right by his side.

At first Chanyeol thought about bringing flowers for Baekhyun, to place it on the highest level of the summit grounds underneath the starry sky he’s going to send Baekhyun to. But then he realized he doesn’t need to bring any, because he remembered the same view that right now his eyes are seeing again.

From atop Cheonwangbong, uninterrupted vistas are visible in all directions: on all over the lower grounds of Jirisan he finds the Seomjingang River flowing southwesterly, the water so transparent and clear even from such distance with white sandy shores on its either side resembling lines of blue silk ribbons laid across the Jirisan mountains and into the south coast; and the thick blankets of pignoli trees with its broad leaves in bursts of kaleidoscopic hues resembling the colors of a hanbok. Sweeping his eyes from north to south he sees a carpet of sleeping royal azaleas waiting to be awakened again by the spring sun, clusters of wildflowers, seas of sawgrass, and the lush green Korean fir and cork oak trees the summer days left. 

Up above he sees the majestic silhouette of the black mountain line painted against the beautiful canvas of the brilliant ruby red sky that accompanies the ocean of clouds. And as he pivots on his heels, looking down, near his feet he finds some sunshine yellow Siberian lilies among the bright orange daylilies and the pastel pink longicalyx flowers, all blossoming from the narrow gap between the rocks. It all topped flawlessly with how everything he sees seems to be exquisitely tinted orange from the glowing sunset. 

To Chanyeol, mother nature helps him to prepare all of these views for Baekhyun and they’re way better than a simple bouquet of flowers will ever be.

And while he’s turning around, he sees again the grey stone monument built to mark the second highest point in all South Korea. It gets him to remember having a smiling Baekhyun telling him about the legend of Cheonwangbong peak’s huge boulder that he’s currently standing on is said to be the pillar holding up the heavens, and he can’t help but hope this time Jirisan will help him send his honest wishes and Baekhyun up to the cloudy heavens.

He stays sitting alone at the peak until the scarlet blotches of the sunset melt away and the midnight blue ink washes over the night sky. His tears are still streaming, but somehow the strong current of the winds dries his cheeks, almost as if Baekhyun’s hands are cradling his face, and Baekhyun’s thumbs caressed his cheeks to erase his tears just moments ago…

It seems like a millennium ago since Chanyeol saw Baekhyun, and tonight, he will see him again for the first time after six months… and also for the very last time. Not wanting Baekhyun to see him cry, he wipes the traces of his tear on his face with his fingers, preparing his best and happiest smile. He imagines the scene as if he and Baekhyun were back at November 27th last year, when he had Baekhyun sitting in front of him, giving him a nod of reassurance as he knelt to ask for Baekhyun’s hand in marriage.

Not long after, Chanyeol stands up to find an even ground to prepare the things he needs. The sky helps him to shed some light on him by being bright enough for him to see in any direction clearly, with his headlamp standing guard near him.

Now the place is quiet, only the whistling sound of the wind is heard along the rustling sound of grass disturbed by the evening breeze, giving an impression of a rippling lapis lazuli ocean. Being 1915 meters high, from the summit he can see the way the sea of faraway city lights mirrors the sky above. The temperature is cold, but thanks to the layers of his suit and the padded jacket he brings with him, the cold doesn’t bite. 

Then Chanyeol opens his backpack to bring out the blanket, drapes it over a small patch of dried grass. Next he pulls out Baekhyun’s fireworks, the lighter, and the torch putting it all side by side on the blanket, right next to him.

Chanyeol takes a hold on the fireworks before caressing its smooth surface. He tries so hard to blink back the tears that start to appear after his fingers touched the fireworks, so to distract himself he decides to start his own little honoring ceremony for Baekhyun as he brings the fireworks to rest on his chest, closing his eyes as he sends a message for Baekhyun through his heart.

For the past one year, so many things happened. But in the ten years they’re together, the days and nights he went through, with and without Baekhyun, has been a tremendously wonderful journey. For both the priceless experience and the way Baekhyun taught him so much… he’s forever grateful.

The way they loved immensely for a decade and kept the flame burning in every second of it, to the point their love has never decreased into a comfort; not just a heavy coat that’s used only on the coldest winter days and kept inside of the closet for the rest of the year, but a pair of tough boots that are worn, loved and walked through every path side by side in every day of the journey… they were enough.

They had their fair shares from good times in the days where they heard their laughter, when they had good tricks up, and wore their hearts out on, their sleeves; to their lowest where they paid the proof of their pain and tasted the tears from their bittersweet days. But when everything is said and done, regret is nowhere to be found, all the errors that have been made are righted and no longer important, and there’s no need for apologies. The fact that he can stand right here up at the summit ready to say good bye to Baekhyun means he has—they have—already won. 

And there’s just one other thing that truly convinces Chanyeol. The way somehow a part of Baekhyun is always there, be it the shelter of autumn leaves, the permanent awning of clouds, the soothing breeze, the warm touches of the summer sun or the way the bound of encouragement in his every step to keep him going, the pieces of art Baekhyun showed him that come back to him from the classical symphonies from centuries ago transformed as the tranquil sounds of the rustling leaves that nature composed, to the touching lines of poems from dead poets that continues being chanted and carried by the eternal flow of the wind… they all prove that he doesn’t need to worry, because Baekhyun is really always with him wherever he goes. 

Up here in the peak of Jirisan, standing alone but feeling Baekhyun’s strong presence all around him, to Chanyeol this is the moment when he truly understands the elusive meaning of the saying _there is life after death_. Even though Baekhyun is gone, in a way, he lives through the memories Chanyeol has of him, of them. They’re all parts of Baekhyun residing in him that shows how Baekhyun lives through him. 

So Chanyeol thinks it’s only right to finally send the last parts of Baekhyun to the sky now.

The fireworks are designed with wooden sticks on its end to give people access to place them on the ground, so Chanyeol kneels to dig the soil with a short twig before burying the stick halfway to make it stand firmly. After he’s sure it’s placed securely, he takes the lighter, positioning it right below the wick. His hand trembles as he tries to start up the lighter, which he only succeeded on doing in his third attempt. Next he watches with his heart beating loud as the spark travels from the tip of the wick to its end, finally starting the combustion reaction inside the fireworks.

Chanyeol braces himself to stand tall, neaten up his suit and positions himself to salute and give his last respect for Baekhyun. Then he watches as the fireworks shot upwards across the sky, uniting with the townsfolk of the city of heavenly bodies miles above, and setting the dark canvas aglow in several separated colorful bursts. The pyrotechnic display with the fluorescent elements illuminates his face, mirrored on his watery eyes. Somehow, the night seems warmer, as if he has Baekhyun on his back, hugging him tightly.

“Baekhyun, my love. If only all the world could know you… everyone across the globe will forever be at peace,” Chanyeol chuckles as he tries to suppress his upcoming sobs. He only wants to laugh again with Baekhyun, even if it’s just for once, for the last time. “I miss you so much, baby. Now, let’s show them something good.”

Miraculously, as if summoned by Baekhyun’s fireworks and Chanyeol’s words, the thick crowd of altostratus clouds decides to reveal the hiding full moon, making this evening as the first time he sees the only major, natural satellite the earth has after many, many months. The moon’s presence made the night so much brighter, letting the soft gleam of its light shining upon the earth and its beings, exactly as if he’s seeing Baekhyun smiling at him and feeling so much warm feelings in his heart. Actually he doesn’t expect the sky to open up to the heavens and reveal the stars, but somehow when he was just going to leave for the Jangteomok Shelter, almost thinking of giving up and postpone the fireworks launch, he had a hunch to stay and just do it. And he knows he made the right decision.

Up here, Chanyeol can see the way the moon and its sky full of stars once again become the watchful witness over him and Baekhyun. Just like it did on the night he confessed and asked Baekhyun to be his boyfriend, and on the night they got their tattoos after their last day of hiking Seoraksan when they discussed what they would be if they lived in the sky. The memory induces a tear to roll down his cheeks, it reminds him so much of Baekhyun and home.

The firework lasts for one and a half minute. It paints the sky with its glimmers, the lone colorful fire contrast against the dark, coal black sky like a blooming flower sprouting out from the earth. Chanyeol is delighted, the fireworks look so beautiful, even though it’ll never be able to compliment Baekhyun’s beauty. He might be biased and imagined some things, but as he watches the sky intently he swears he finds Baekhyun and him: the whirling movements of the luminous sparks, glitter and flares coming out look like they’re dancing waltz gracefully, teasing the stars; somehow beneath the flashing and loud popping sounds he can hear the faint sounds of Baekhyun’s laughter from their halcyon days; and even the last burst seems like Baekhyun’s playful wink at him before it’s gone completely.

He thinks about how Baekhyun had been alone throughout the last months of his life, but now he knows Baekhyun is no longer alone. “I’m so sorry I’m late, but here I am, baby… at home with you. I love you so much. Happy birthday.”

He battles himself to not to cry his heart out because he cried enough. Just like what Baekhyun told him in the note he left with the vinyl record, now it’s time to be happy and continue writing the happy ending of their story. Because now he can see how Baekhyun is truly free at last, walking on the wind at the place he loves: up above at the vault of heaven, higher than the ivory white clouds, with the rush of green and gold autumn foliage swirling along with him. So instead, he waves energetically at the indigo blue night sky, just like Baekhyun did when the latter said his good bye through the dream.

“Hyunnie?” Chanyeol blows a kiss towards the sky, reaching his hand up as high as he could. When he closes his eyes, he almost could feel his hands caressing the soft skin of Baekhyun’s cheeks. “You made it. Your last wish. You are now one with the sky full of stars. You’re such a heavenly view.”

A wide smile finally spreads over Chanyeol’s face, only a streak of tear shown on his cheeks. Baekhyun is finally back in his arms—the moon and the stars reunited once again—and he gets his wish too, spending Chuseok with Baekhyun, and he couldn’t be more happier.

In his silent vigil of one, as he spends his time observing the moon long after he sent up Baekhyun’s ashes to the sky, Chanyeol finally gets it, the last and finishing verse of his song, finally complete. He can hear the words carried by Jirisan’s summit winds, as if Baekhyun is whispering gently on his ears, lullabying him just like when they were sleeping on their bed together, hugging and seeking only each other’s warmth. So, sitting against one of the many boulders at the peak with his headlamp near, he fishes out his notebook and writes it down.

_Fly on, ride through  
Maybe one day I’ll fly next to you_

_Fly on, ride through  
Maybe one day I can fly with you_

_Fly on_

Hugging the notebook and Baekhyun’s letter that’s wedged between the pages, Chanyeol thinks about how now nothing can come between him and Baekhyun. They loved right down to their last good bye; they made it until the end. The light that both the fireworks and Baekhyun left him, will always be with him wherever he goes, will always show to help him find a way through the dark when the night is coming down on him, and will always guide him home—an everglow.

As Chanyeol prepares to hike down, he turns his body around to give the summit one last look. It’s time for him to go: leaving Baekhyun at the safe hands of the sky, sleeping on the beds of Jirisan, and blanketed by the everyday shine of sunrises and sunsets. He knows Baekhyun will never be too far, he’ll find him again in the constellation of Canis Major as his own Sirius.

He will still find Baekhyun in every single thing he sees, but now he’s sure it won’t bring tears anymore. Instead, he will always find his and Baekhyun’s happy memories. With it, even though Baekhyun is gone, he makes him smile and laugh still. The shadow of his loss is blessed by the glow of the light they created together.

Though in the steady stream of people who come and go a certain Byun Baekhyun might be gone, and the world might not know of their huge loss, there will still be a Park Chanyeol who sees him celestial.

After all, the things we’ve lost will always find its way back to us in the end… if not always in the way we expect.

“Hyunnie… See you later. Good bye.”

***

**Author's Note:**

>  **End Note:**  
>  a little bit backstory from my side, but during the time i wrote this fic, i lost three family members. dealing with the pain wasn’t easy at all, but thankfully this fic has been one of the things that help me channel my emotions—in a way this is my own healing process written in words—and i hope what i wrote can somehow help anyone who is going through/once have gone through the loss of their loved ones.
> 
> with this fic i hope it will break the stigma/stereotype that major character death means an angsty, bitter and sad ending with no relief whatsoever for the ones left behind, and shed some light on how a definition of a happy ending doesn’t always have to be fixed on one common conclusion, like being happy in the presence of others. there are so many paths that might lead us to our own happy ending, and no matter how dark the road is, even behind the densest fog there still lies a happy ending. i sincerely hope wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, you’ll find your own.
> 
> the very last, i want to say thank you for the BAE mods who helped me with everything, and for everyone who lent their time to follow Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s journey with me until the very end. here’s a [gift](https://youtu.be/_TK8vdwlwWE) for finishing your read :-)
> 
> i’m [baekioey](https://twitter.com/baekioey) on twitter, come and talk to me anytime!
> 
> (p.s: make sure you listen to all the songs in the playlist and especially the last three ones that i didn’t mention in the fic but i believe make a perfect ending to the last scene/the story. just close your eyes and listen!)


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